The Youngest Grey
by Manic50
Summary: Matt is Christian's younger brother. They are close but what happens when Matt starts to work for Christian and they both find love. How will Christian react when he discovers that Matt is as rich as he is and could be a business rival.
1. Chapter 1-Meet Matt

Hi, I'm Matthew (Matt) and I'm the youngest Grey at 18 years old. Grace and Carrick were my Godparents, Grace had been friends with my mommy since 2nd grade and we lived in the same street. I remember visiting and playing in the back yard especially with Mia, Elliot and Christian were that bit older but still made a fuss of me. Sometimes I threw a tantrum when it was time to go because I never wanted to leave.

I'd just turned 5 and started pre-K, mommy and daddy dropped me off for only my 3rd day but they never got to collect me because they were killed in a car crash on their way to work. Grace was the one that collected me that day. I moved in with the family straight away and became a Grey officially on my 6th birthday.

When I was adopted Elliot was 18 so didn't spend too much time at home, he was always out with his friends or working on construction sites. Mom did expect him to be there for family meals at least once a week and he would always be the one to have me in fits of giggles. On those days he would spend hours with me building wonderful creations from Lego. Christian was almost 16 and he disappeared out occasionally but I never knew where he went, he never brought friends home so I don't know if he had any. When he was around he was very patient with me most of the time though he did get angry with me as well, especially if I went in his room without asking. I went through good and bad times with him, he took good care of me when I first moved in but when he had an angry moment I would be scared and frightened of him. I'm quite similar to Christian in as much that I'm clever, sporty and good at most things I do, I think I looked up to Christian most as a role model and wanted to be better than him at everything. Mia is only 4 years older than me so is the one I'm closet to in age but also the one who I have least in common with, don't get me wrong, she is lovely but so typically girly and therefore annoying. There's always giggling girls hanging round the house with nothing better to do with their time than annoy me by telling me how cute I am.

Luckily Mia has been away in Paris the last 6 months; she's due back at the weekend. Mom's expecting us all to have a family meal on Saturday evening and there's no getting out of it. It will be good to all be round the same table again, even if I'm the one who everyone teases as I'm the youngest. I was also a bit jealous of the fact that Elliot and Christian spent the past weekend in Portland, whilst Mia has been away the three of us have spent a few weekends together but they took off whilst I was still at school. I know I had parties and the like planned with it being the end of year but would still have preferred spending the time with my brothers. Though next week I'll probably see more of Christian as he's letting me work at GEH for the summer.

Mom's calling now; she's got a long list of chores for me to do whilst she's working at the hospital today. I don't mind, I'll do anything for her and dad for giving me a wonderful family life after my mommy and daddy were taken from me. And what a list it is, tidying the back yard, washing and polishing the cars, cleaning out the garage and preparing dinner for tonight. They could employ people to do this but I'm doing as much as I can at the moment as I'm saving all he pocket money earned from work so I can go surfing in California with my friends before school starts again for our final year.

Friday evening Christian calls round, we threw the ball around for an hour or so but he seemed preoccupied with something. He's gone back to his home at Escala now as he's collecting Mia from Sea-Tac early in the morning. Elliot has stayed in Portland but will be back by tomorrow evening. I'm escaping by playing the piano as tomorrow the house will feel different again as the calmness disappears and the whirlwind returns.


	2. Chapter 2-Whirlwinds and Revelations

Saturday dawns, I got up early and headed to the local gym and pool. I needed some me time before Mia arrives. I've pretty much had the house to myself for 6 months and it's been so quiet which suits me fine with all the studying for exams I had to do. But this is it; the last few hours of tranquillity will be shattered as Mia descends upon us once again.

I arrive, slightly out of breath after the 15minute run to get here and decide to head straight to the pool as its quiet. The local swim team has just finished their early morning session but the coaches remain on the deck, deep in conversation as I dive in to start my set. Up and down the lengths I go in a graceful, almost lazy front crawl as I get into a steady rhythm. After 20minutes warming up I pick up the pace, alternating every 100m between fly, back, breast and free at varying pace. As I push myself to my limit I remind myself that this is one thing that I'm better at than Christian. I push him close on so many things like piano, rowing, and kickboxing. We compete against each other as equals, occasionally I beat him but he's so angry if this happens I know I'm in for a thrashing the next few times we're up against one another as he doesn't like to lose. He is my favourite person to train with though as he always pushes me to the limit without fail every time. The swimming is the only thing that I outclass him at, he's good and would certainly push me in a race over a short distance but he doesn't understand how I can spend 2 hours at a time losing myself in the monotony of pounding up and down in the water. As I finish up I quickly change, plug myself into the iPod and jog slowly home.

As I head through the front door, dad tells me Christian has just called to say Mia arrived ok and they're on their way up to Bellevue. Mom quickly hugs me and sends me off to shower as she's going to get lunch ready.

I hear Mia shrieking whilst I'm dragging on my jeans and t-shirt. I dash down the stairs as she's enveloped into a hug by mom and dad, Christian comes through the door and as he looks at me he rolls his eyes. Mia sees me and I'm next on the hug front, crushed tightly against her in a cloud of French perfume. Christian is now smirking at me and the two of us head outside as Mia drags mom and dad into the living room to tell them of her experiences, I'm sure we'll hear all about it later when Elliot arrives.

We saunter towards the boathouse and walk out onto the jetty. Christian still seems preoccupied about something but he won't say if anything is bothering him. Instead we talk about me going to work for him next week. On Monday I'll work with him in his office where he'll show me round Grey House and talk to me about the company and then I'm going to work in the accounts department. He has laid down the law in banning me from taking my skateboard to the office, sometimes after school I've gone to see him and managed to get it down to a fine art, skating through the doors, across the marble foyer and into the elevator. I think the receptionist must let Andrea his PA know I'm on my way because he's always there waiting for me at his office door, arms crossed trying his best to not smirk at me whilst telling me off. I've got to wear a suit as well, no jeans, no converse!

Mom shouts lunch is ready and as we look at each other we grin widely then we revert back to being small boys by racing up to the patio trying to trip each other on the way. Christian is having a good day and beats me hands down.

As we sit outside in the sun over a relaxing lunch Mia chats enough for all five of us, in fact she doesn't shut up. Mom asks Christian so no-one can hear how Ana is. Well I thinks that what she said but she was speaking so quietly, he just gives her a shy smile and says ok, but it's got me thinking, whose Ana or did I mishear and did she say Andrea but he hasn't mentioned there being anything wrong with her. Mia then distracts me asking if I'd seen any of her friends around or if I'd managed to get myself a girlfriend. As if! I mean I have friends that are girls but have never actually plucked up the courage to ask one out, I think I take after Christian as I don't think he's ever had one either.

Dad holes himself up in his study for the afternoon as he's got a big case in court coming up, Mia goes to unpack all her suitcases and Mom starts on the evening meal so Christian and I go out on the boat for a few hours whilst we wait for Elliot to arrive. Apparently he's helping a couple of friends move from Portland to Seattle today so will arrive early evening. The weather is perfect for being out on the water and Christian is as usual good company, totally relaxed but totally attached to his Blackberry that keeps vibrating.

As we steer the boat back into its mooring we see Elliot and Mia wandering across the grass towards the water's edge to meet us. We meander back up towards the house, Elliot is totally relaxed, chilled out and in a 'let's pick on Matt mood' so I'm bearing the brunt of the jokes as usual. Mia continues with her chirping, does she ever shut up and is this what all women are like. Christian and Elliot have fallen behind us and are having a conversation about removal trucks and fixing TV's to walls.

We sit down to dinner in our usual places, mom and dad at either end; I sit on the same side as Christian next to mom and opposite Elliot. We've nearly finished dessert when Elliot pipes up to Christian that 'Ana says hello'. Christian blushes and smirks, Mia and I gape open mouthed at Elliot, Christian and then back to Elliot. Mia squeals and asks who Ana is. As Christian isn't very forthcoming Elliot fills us in about how he's spent the last week with her and even took her in Charlie Tango. Even mom revealed that she's lovely and had met her last Sunday. To say I was shocked was an understatement, I mean Christian with a girlfriend, moms already met her and no-one mentioned it, since when did this family start keeping secrets like this. It's no wonder Christian has seemed pre-occupied the last couple of days. Of course Mia goes into overdrive with the questions but my brother's clam up so now mom's asked Christian if he'll bring Ana to dinner tomorrow and whilst we're at it Elliot might as well bring his new girlfriend Kate, who happens to be Ana's roommate.


	3. Chapter 3-No Words

As the news of my brothers having girlfriends sinks in I feel a familiar cloud descending on me. It's only happened a few times but I tend to close in on myself with the thoughts and words crashing round in my head. Different situations trigger it, this time I'm not sure what it is, jealousy as I wasn't on the trip to Portland where Elliot and Christian met these girls, frustration as mom met her last week and never mentioned it, anger as everyone seems happy but I can sense big changes to our tight knit family. To cap it all they are coming to our home tomorrow evening, I mean Christian has never brought anyone here before and Elliot only occasionally.

I sit there, lost in my thoughts, no words will come out. No one picks up on it straight away as they are all in their bubbles of happiness. Eventually mom asks with concern if I'm ok, I give her a sad smile and shake my head, shrug my shoulders and get up to leave the table. Dad shouts at me to return as not everyone has finished, but I can't as I know the tears will fall and I don't want them to see me cry. I stand outside the room trying to stay calm and taking deep breaths to control my emotions. Dad is furious, we all normally do as we're told first time when he asks and I know I'll have to apologise for showing him disrespect by ignoring him. I'll also be expected to apologise to everyone for leaving the table without permission, it's not the done thing at our family dinners. We sit down as one and leave as one, and to leave before is pushing the boundaries. I remember Christian doing it once and he was grounded for a month and missed out on a trip to New York. Oh what have I done, dad will probably put a stop to my surfing trip to California and I'll be lucky if I can leave the house next week to go to work. I hear Christian ask mom 'if it's happening again and should he come and speak to me' but she tells him to relax it will be ok. I flee to my room, slam the door and collapse on the bed. I'm in enough trouble so a door slam will only add to my misdemeanours but I'm past caring.

The 'it' that Christian was referring to is me descending into my own world. I communicate by nods and shakes of the head, shrugs, smiles and other facial expressions. The words stay in my head and do not come out of my mouth. I think I shut down so as not to show my emotions and it's my way of coping without revealing what I'm feeling. I don't socialise with my friends instead preferring my own company. The family can gauge my mood with the tunes that I spend hours playing on the piano when I'm home, or they'll find me now I'm older at the pool completing length after length in the monotonous lazy freestyle.

'It' has only happened about five times as far as I remember, the shortest time being six days and the longest four weeks. I think the first time started the day of mommy and daddy's funeral; everyone was being extra nice, tiptoeing around me to try and not cause upset, and asking if I was ok. It was easier to shrug or stare wide eyed rather than them hear the emotion in my voice. After a week or so with no words mom had asked me if I wanted to help with the baking, when I replied in a hoarsely whispered 'yes' her eyes were shining and she had the loveliest smile, she affectionately ruffled my hair and we spent the rest of the afternoon in the kitchen. Mom asking questions, me replying with one word answers, but as the days went on the one words became a few words and before long I was happily chatting away to everyone including myself.

The second time it happened I can still picture the scene vividly. I was seven. On Friday evenings after dinner Christian, Mia and I would wait outside dad's study. One by one we would go in to discuss with dad our week and almost have to justify to him why we deserved our pocket money. If we'd done something amazing he might give us extra, however if we'd misbehaved he would reduce the amount accordingly if give us any at all, though he liked us to negotiate and reason with him. If we were successful we would retain our weekly allowance. Mia always went in first as she was the only girl. This particular Friday she came out full of smiles, she'd almost doubled her allowance after passing a cello exam with distinction and being awarded a certificate at school for helpfulness and politeness. I was in next as the youngest boy and Mia was a hard act to follow. I knocked and entered and then stood in front of dad's desk. He glared at me coolly and I gulped instinctively wondering in my seven year old brain what I had done wrong. The list was endless, had I really done it all in just one short week. I'd sneaked into Mia's room to try out her new nail varnish that she'd been boasting about but I'd ended up knocking it over on the carpet. In Christian's room I'd drawn cartoon characters over his homework that needed to be handed in the following day. In the back yard I'd skateboarded across the patio knocking over plant pots, and then ridden my bike through the flower beds and bushes. In the kitchen I'd dropped the cereal box all over the floor, followed by the orange juice carton and I'd just left the sticky mess without any attempt to clean up or tell anyone so they could do it. At school I'd dipped Hannah's pigtails in a paint pot, given the whole of Jonty's arm a tattoo with permanent marker and got into a fight with an older boy because he called me 'shorty'. To say dad was cross was an understatement, I hung my head in shame as he bellowed at me about how he expected better of me. I had no words to reply or negotiate. On and on he went and I just stood there. I finally heard the words 'you can leave now' and I looked up staring bleakly at him feeling like a failure. He shook his head in disappointment and I turned and left with nothing but my conscience. As I closed the study door I glanced at Christian who grimaced at me in sympathy. I crossed the hallway and climbed the stairs with a heavy heart, then flung myself on my bed and let all the emotion out, huge gut wrenching sobs. But I didn't feel any better when the tears dried up. The words didn't come out for four weeks.

The next Friday I went into the study and stood in silence, thinking my dad was ashamed of me. I wanted to look at anywhere but him. Again I waited for the words 'you can leave now' and I left once more with nothing. Mom wouldn't let me go back in the next few weeks. Whilst the others went in she held me back, hugging me tightly and kissing my copper coloured curls murmuring quietly to me that she wanted her happy little boy back. It was Christian who finally got me to talk; he was so patient, teaching me new tunes on the piano, reading bedtime stories to me, taking me out on the water in the rowing boat and playing computer games. The day I spoke we'd been in the garden; he was teaching me new moves in kickboxing when I connected with his foot harder than he intended, I cried out in agony, sharp pains shooting up my leg. He was so overcome with concern, he carried me to the living room, shouting mom on the way. Over and over again he kept repeating how sorry he was, obviously distraught and near to tears himself I reached up and stroked his face and then said 'it wasn't your fault'. My silent world had ended for now.

Now I'm older Christian has joked a couple of times about how he beat the words out of me and also how dad was a complete soft touch during those few weeks as if he was feeling guilty at giving me such a hard time. Apparently for a long time afterwards Mia and Christian used to toss a coin to see who would go into the study after me on Fridays because whatever they had been up to in the week I always made them look good with my mishaps and mischievousness.

The other few times happened sporadically over the years for incidents that are hardly worth remembering; Christian exploding at me in anger when he discovered I set up my new spy wear gear that I'd got for my birthday in his room and could hear him on the phone to someone. Mia experimenting with my hair and dying it a funny green color so I had to have all the curls cut off, I think she traumatized me too often, especially with make-up and nail polish.

I stand at the window, looking out across to Seattle. I don't know why I'm getting upset by all the recent events. Am I frightened by the changes that might be happening? I hear Christian and Elliot shout goodbye as they leave. Mia can be heard happily chatting on the phone to one of her friends. I hear the click of dad's study door and as I turn mom is there, a tight smile on her face. There's no need for any words now as she embraces me in a loving hug and rocks me as I sob.


	4. Chapter 4-Apologies

Early Sunday morning I find myself heading for the pool once more. I don't want to see anyone right now and I certainly can't talk to dad at the moment. I know I need to face him and speak, to talk things through with him and apologise but now and again I find it so hard. As usual he'll give me space to approach him in my own time, he's so considerate to my feelings and never pressurises me.

I pound out my frustrations with length after length of determined swimming. After two hours I'm more relaxed and calm within myself. I shower and then grab a smoothie from the local deli before taking a slow stroll home along the coast road.

I walk down the driveway and approach the front door with trepidation. The words are jumbling around in my head but they need to come out. I head straight to the kitchen; mom is preparing lunch and looks up almost warily as I enter. I go to her and envelope her in a big bear hug. When I apologise for my behaviour last night she looks so relieved that I've actually spoken that she tells me not to worry about it and that dads in his study if I want to speak to him before lunch is ready.

I stand outside his study, plucking up the courage to knock on the door because once I've done it there's no going back. I won't revert to being the 7 year old stood in front of him with no words. If I go in now I've got to be sure I will speak. Here goes, I knock, enter and walk across the room to stand in front of him. He looks up, almost surprised to see me there. I immediately apologise for leaving the dinner table, showing him disrespect by ignoring him and slamming the door. He graciously accepts the apology and tells me to sit down. We then have a discussion as to what I think my punishment should be. I come up with a few scenarios:-not working for Christian, grounded for the summer, not going to California. Dad pauses me, then actually surprises me when he tells me there will be no punishment; he thinks I've probably had a tough enough 12hours or so with my thoughts. He wants me to get through tonight's dinner with no drama. He also expects me to apologise to my siblings as I knew he would, this has to be done face to face, no cheating by texting! In a way I think this is his version of a punishment because he knows the next time I see Elliot and Christian they will be arriving with their girlfriends so my first introduction to them will be amusing for my brothers.

We leave the study together and mom is delighted to see us happily chatting away. She sends me off to find Mia for lunch, knowing that I'll apologise straight away. Mia is ecstatic when I catch up with her, hugging and kissing me and hugely relieved I'm talking. Lunch is the light hearted affair it should be, everyone's in a good mood in almost a euphoric way. I suppose I'm guilty of making them feel like this due to last night's antics.

After lunch I help mom prepare the dinner for tonight. We have a long conersation about last night's events. I admit to her that I'm scared about all the dynamics of the family changing and worried about meeting the two girls. I want to hate them before I've met them because I feel like they're taking my brothers away from me. I also mention my jealousy, as much as Christian and Elliot have always included me in things given the age gap between us, this time I feel totally excluded and left out. All of a sudden they've become a four and I feel as if I'm on my own. Mom smiles fondly, telling me to stay relaxed and see what happens and to try and enjoy the evening. She's also going to have a word with dad so that if I'm finding it difficult during the meal later then I can excuse myself and take time out. Wow, mom and dad are being so understanding with all my problems at the moment it's no wonder I love them so much.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I get ready for dinner. The intense grey blue eyes look out from the slightly tanned skin of my face, my unruly light copper colored hair that's a tangle of curls shines under the light with a hint of blonde at the tips where the sun has bleached it. When I stand next to Elliot and Christian we could all be mistaken as having the same birth mother and father, as it looks like they've been pushed together and I'm the result.

I feel sick with nervous anticipation; Mia is the total opposite to me. She's bubbling away with excitement. She can't wait to meet the girls and won't stop talking about how they can hang out at the mall together, and when we all go on vacation she'll have girls to keep her company rather than three brothers who can be annoying! Oh well here goes, I hear Elliot's car pull up on the drive and dad goes to open the front door.


	5. Chapter 5-Meeting Kate and Ana

Elliot comes bounding through the open front door with his endless energy and without letting go of her hand introduces Kate to us all. Mom and dad give her a brief hug and kiss on the cheek and welcome her to our home. Mia is hopping from foot to foot behind them waiting impatiently before she swoops in to hug Kate forcing Elliot to move to one side. As Elliot admonishes Mia for being over the top I approach Kate cautiously and rather formally shake her hand telling her it's a pleasure to meet her, Elliot raises an eyebrow questionably and I'm not sure why, is it because I'm being so formal or the fact I've spoken.

As mom and Mia head for the kitchen whilst dad sorts out drinks I decide now is a good time to apologise to Elliot as we head into the living room. He smirks at me and then proceeds to tell Kate about my tantrum at the dinner table last night making it sound amusing, though he doesn't reveal how it all started and embarrass me more than necessary. Kate laughs at my antics in a good way and as she cuddles up with my oldest brother on one of the sofas I realise she is lovely, strawberry blonde hair, vivid green eyes and a beautiful smile.

Dad arrives with the Prosecco and we proceed to talk about how Elliot and Kate met and that they are going on vacation to Barbados next week. Wow, talk about my brother being a fast mover and taking a romantic break after only a week together.

We hear Christian's Audi SUV pull up on the drive, mom goes to open the door and dad politely excuses himself so that he can go and greet them as well. I hear Christian formally introducing Ana to dad, she has already met mom and then Mia goes barrelling down the hallway from the kitchen. She is so over the top, she's now exclaiming how he's never brought a girl home before and mom is telling her to calm down. How embarrassing is that girl.

Mia drags Ana into the living room, Kate bounces up to hug her and then Elliot picks her up and spins her round. Christian stands at Ana's side with an arm possessively round her as I rise from my sofa and Christian introduces us. I look at her shyly before shaking her hand and giving her a kiss on the cheek, her pale skin is so smooth and soft and her eyes are so blue, the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. I can't speak as I stand there mesmerized. Christian clears his throat and as I drag my eyes away to look at him he asks with the Grey smirk if I'm allowed to leave the house next week to work at GEH. Everyone is amused as I once again apologise for my behaviour, all knowing that this is the last apology I have to make. Christian must have phoned earlier to check on how I was and if I was speaking otherwise he certainly wouldn't have teased me, especially in front of everyone. He's so much more caring and considerate than he gives himself credit for.

Mia goes off to get them some drinks whilst we continue our conversation on vacations. Ana tells us that she might visit her mother in Georgia for a few days; this is obviously news to Christian as he doesn't look happy.

Mom announces dinner is ready and we all make our way to the dining room, though Christian must be having words with Ana about something as we end up waiting for a few minutes so we can all sit down together. The seating arrangements are different to the usual to accommodate our guests. Mom and dad at one end, with Ana in-between dad and Christian on the next side. Mia is next to Christian and opposite dad. I'm next and have Kate on my other side and mom opposite. Elliot is across from Ana with Kate and mom on either side.

Gretchen is serving us tonight and appears with the entrees, her eyes immediately find where Christian is sitting, she's always done this, trying to get him to notice her but he never pays any attention. Ana has certainly noticed though and her eyes narrow jealously.

Just as we're about to eat the phone rings and dad goes to answer, mom doesn't look too happy but when he returns to say it's the hospital she immediately goes to see what's wrong. She returns and tells us about the measles case before saying how lucky we've all been apart from Elliot and the chicken pox, though Elliot changes the subject rather quickly. The conversation moves to safe ground about the Mariners latest game. Kate asks Ana about someone called Jose which riles Christian as he looks furious giving Kate a black look. I don't think he likes her too much which is strange considering she's Ana's best friend. Whenever she speaks he almost scowls at her, though I think Elliot is oblivious.

Mia moves the conversation on to herself, talking about her time in Paris, even lapsing into French without realising, Christian and I join in with her before she stops whilst giggling. Ana has never been to Paris so Mia pushes Christian to take her though he tells us she would prefer to go to London, and there's no doubting the look of love that Ana gives him when he says this. Elliot jokes that perhaps they could take me with them as I'm half-English and everyone at the table freezes to see my reaction.

All of a sudden the conversation loudly returns to the mariner's game. Mum eyes me with concern but I breathe deeply and focus on trying to stay relaxed. My daddy was English, from London. He'd met my mommy when she was on a course at one of the universities and they immediately fell in love. When she returned to Seattle he followed and relocated his company which had a reputation as being one of the best in the world for producing music. Grace and Carrick had also recently returned to Seattle from Detroit with a young Elliot and Christian. Living in the same street they socialised together often, and if mom and dad needed to attend a function together then it was my mommy and daddy that would babysit. In fact my siblings probably knew my birth parents better than me, and certainly have better memories, especially Elliot and Christian who had known them both very well for 11years. They had been on vacations together, parties, baseball games, movies, shopping and endless other things. They viewed the house that I was born in as their second home. I think this is sometimes where my insecurities, jealousy and anger come from .My biggest insecurity is the fear of change within our family. The five people that I love most in the world had a life with two people that I would have loved to have experienced more with and had around me a lot longer. It also makes me different from my brothers and sister who were all adopted through different circumstances from people my parents didn't know. Mom was best friends with my mommy for almost 40 years.

I zone back into the conversation, Elliot is talking about his latest building project, Christian and Ana are whispering to each other and have eyes for no-one else, we might as well be in a different room. I realise Kate and Ana are totally different, Ana is very shy, almost nervous about being here amongst strangers, however Kate is much more confident and I find her quite intimidating.

As we finish dinner dad nods so we understand we can leave. I help mom and Mia clear away the dishes. In the kitchen mom envelopes me in a hug, she just seems to understand that this is what I need right now. Christian and Ana pass through saying they are going to look at the backyard. Dad comes to get more wine; he pats me on the back and tells me he's very proud with how I handled dinner.

All too soon, it is time for my brothers and their new girlfriends to leave. Mia has just brought Christian and Ana back from the boathouse, he must have been showing her all his rowing trophies. There's lots of hugging and joviality as everyone says a jumble of goodbye's to each other. Christian teases that we're not to give Ana too much affection and in the same breath tells me in his controlling way that he'll see me at his office at Grey House at 8am sharp.


	6. Chapter 6-Work Beckons

I set off on the journey from Bellevue to Downtown Seattle. I'm feeling quite nervous about meeting new people and starting work. My family have been very protective of me over the years, smothering me with love as I'm still considered to be the baby of the family even at 18years.

This is the first year that it was even contemplated that I should be allowed to work. Even then, Christian being the controlling over-protective brother that he is, suggested that if I was going to be gainfully employed then he would have me work for him where he could keep an eye on me.

As I drive I can't help thinking about how Christian is going to treat me as I enter his empire as an employee. Will I be just one of the thousands, head down and left to get on with my tasks? Will he be lenient with me, the ever affectionate big brother, letting me have an extra hour off now and again to work out or go to the pool, though I won't want to take advantage of his good nature. Or will he be extra tough, pushing me that extra mile and expecting more so as not to show any favouritism.

Over the years I have spent many a happy hour at Grey House being looked after by my big brother. It was usually during school holidays when mom and dad's schedules clashed. I couldn't go to work with Elliot as the construction sites were considered to be too dangerous. Although Mia was left at home on her own she wasn't considered mature enough to be responsible for me as well, especially as I was always up to mischief and would have driven her demented. So it was Christian that always stepped up to the challenge to take care me, after all he was strict, controlling but doted on me so wouldn't allow me to get into any trouble. Also because he was the sibling that I hero worshipped there was no chance I was going to misbehave and jeopardise any time that I would be spending alone with my idol.

I look fondly back to those days, sitting next to him as he pored over documents and paperwork. I would copy by reading a book. As he concentrated on his laptop I would play games on mine. In the very occasional meetings that couldn't be avoided or were too important to be cancelled I would sit discreetly in the corner engrossed in the latest technology like a Nintendo ds. Sometimes I would wait in the reception area on the 20th floor; I'd drag one of the white leather chairs over to the window and watch the people down below scurrying about their business whilst Andrea kept an eye on me. It was a good job he was the CEO though as we did spend rather a lot of the time going out for coffee and muffins for him, milkshakes and cookies for me.

I pull into the parking space that Christian has allocated to me and make my way towards reception. I'm about 20minutes early and notice that none of Christian's cars are parked up yet, unless Taylor has just dropped him and then gone to run errands. I enter through the glass front doors and make my way across the enormous lobby to the last elevator on the right; this is the only one that goes all the way up to the 20th floor. As I go to call the elevator one of the two security men stops me and asks me for my ID pass, maybe they don't recognise me. I mean I'm either on my skateboard or accompanying Christian. I explain it's my first day at work so he kindly sends me back to reception to get a visitor pass until I can get my photo pass later in the day.

Luckily the lady on reception recognises me in my suit and just gives me a visitor pass to keep the security men happy. The security man must be new, he's being overly cautious because as I approach the elevators once more he asks me where I will be working and do I know which floor. I tell him I have a meeting with Mr Grey at 8a.m so he lets me pass. The elevator whisks me up to Christian's reception area and Andrea is there to meet me. She exclaims about how smart I look and that she can't believe I'm going to be working here. She then introduces me to Olivia and I find myself totally mesmerised for the second time in less than 24hours. What is happening to me at the moment, my raging hormones must have finally kicked in as this has never happened before. Andrea knows me so well though that she immediately distracts me with my absolute favourite, cinnamon bun and glass of milk. She knows how to spoil me and get on my good side.

The phone rings and Andrea goes to answer it, I hear her say 'Yes Sir' and know immediately it's Christian but she connects him straight through to Ros his number 2. As I'm finishing my drink Christian is back on the phone to Andrea, she mentions I've just arrived and then pauses before looking uncertainly at me and then finishing the conversation and putting the phone down.

Before Andrea speaks to me my blackberry buzzes and instinctively I know its Christian. I glance at the message and realise that he's taken the cowards way out, apologising to me by text. Apparently something has come up and he can't make it to the office till 2pm. Disappointment runs through me and I don't ever remember feeling like this about the brother I love so much. Did he forget about me, only remembering I was here when Andrea said I'd arrived. What is more important to him than his younger brother starting work for the first time and for his company. It hits me like a thunderbolt and I have to force myself to breathe deeply and try and relax. Ana, she is more important to him than me. She's the one that he loves. Is this to do with her?

I tell Andrea in my most cheerful voice that I can muster that I will be back later and then head back down to the foyer. I don't even reply to his text, in fact I switch my phone off, I don't want to be contacted and I certainly don't want to be traced. I head out into the fresh air, put my head down and walk.


	7. Chapter 7-Freedom?

I walk and walk, pounding the streets of Seattle with no sense of where I'm going. Thoughts tumble and crash around my head. Passing the hospital on my route I see mom's car in her space in the parking lot, but I keep walking. As I look up realise that I'm quite close to Escala, was this where my subconscious was leading me.

Abruptly I change direction and head towards the Pike Market District passing the upmarket boutiques and restaurants. I hear someone greeting me with a 'Hello Mr Grey' and find as I turn I've just passed a salon. I greet the man with a friendly hello and follow him inside, asking if he's got an appointment to spare for a quick cut. 'Of course' he says, 'I've always got appointments for a Grey'

He leads me to the back of the salon and I'm left in the hands of a middle aged blonde who settles me in the chair before washing my hair. Once she's finished she escorts me to a small room where Franco is waiting, he asks if I want the usual trim. I don't remember anyone else apart from mom when I was younger ever cutting my hair. It has always been Franco. I'm about to nod at him when I find myself saying 'Not this time, shave it all off' He looks questionably at me, then he makes a start on the back. I close my eyes, not wanting to watch him do what I've asked for. I've always had my unruly curls trimmed and never had it very short. Just as he's finishing, I cautiously open my eyes.

Although he's not done what I asked for I like it, a lot! Franco has cut the back and sides quite short whilst trimming the ends of the unruly mass on top, but the curls are still there. I look so different, older, maturer. As my eyes meet his in the mirror, I look at him quizzically. He stammers that he will cut it all shorter if I desire. I tell him it's good as it is but enquire why he didn't just shave my head. He looks embarrassed as he replies 'I would like to keep my job here'. I get out my wallet to pay as we move towards the reception area though Franco is very insistent that there is no charge. Apparently 'The Grey Family' appointments are on the house. I don't understand why but really don't want to embarrass Franco any further, so thank him for his services and leave.

It's surprising what a haircut can do. I feel relaxed, different, calmer and more confident. I head back downtown towards Grey house. My thoughts are all over the place. This is the first time I've just taken off on my own. Walking the streets of Seattle and no-one from my family knows where I am. It feels good. Then I feel guilty. Will anyone be worried or will they not realise that I'm out and about doing as I please. Dad will be in court, mom is at the hospital, Elliot will be at his latest construction site, while Mia will be meeting friends at the mall. That just leaves Christian.

I assume he'll still be busy with her, or he'll have arrived at Grey House early to find I'm not there and will be thermo-nuclear by now with worry. To my surprise I hope he's still busy with Ana. At least then I won't get to see his explosive anger as he lectures me on my personal safety, security, no thoughts for others. He'll be raking both hands through his hair, pacing up and down his office as he barks instructions down the phone to Taylor who'll be searching for me.

I'm in front of Grey House once more. Deep breath, relax, enter. I've still got the visitor pass so head straight for the elevator. As I'm rocketed to the 20th floor I pray that Christian is still at Escala with Ana. In his reception, Andrea is talking with Ros. They are both pleased to see me and inform me that Christian will be here in an hour. I think even they can hear my huge sigh of relief. Ros sends me off to get a photo pass on level 2 and tells me when I'm finished to meet her on level 17 for the accounts department. Phew! I think I've got away with having the morning off.

The man in charge of security passes is middle aged and friendly. He asks where I'll be working as the pass is used to swipe so that you can only access certain floors. He must think I'm being very nosey because I ask him loads of questions; does everyone have a pass, what happens if you want to access another floor, how come you don't need to swipe to get to the 20th. He then patiently explains that everyone does have a pass 'except Mr Grey' , if I need to go to another floor then I will be escorted and security only let certain people access the elevator on the far right so will not me once they see my pass.

I look at the pass now, it clearly states level 17, I hardly recognise myself in the photo after the haircut, but he's got my name wrong. Well just not got it completely right. I gave him my full name like I was asked and all that's printed is 'MATTHEW TREVELYAN'. Did he not hear the 'Grey' part? I'm about to correct him but he's already ushering me out as he's got a lunch appointment.

Ros is already waiting for me in accounts. Just before she introduces me to anyone I ask her if they already know I'm a Grey. She tells me not yet so I ask her to just introduce me as 'Matt'. She looks puzzled but doesn't question me as we make our way into the department. Ros introduces me to the Head of Accounts, a Mr Steve Edwards, and then leaves me to it. I go to shake his hand but the return shake is limp. He looks at me coldly and asks my name. I go with the one on the pass. Hearing it he smiles and says 'Good, rumour had it that a Grey was starting here. Your first job is to make me a black coffee. I'll be in my office' with that he turns and walks away.

I head towards the communal kitchen to get on with the coffee making. As I'm waiting for the water to boil I switch my blackberry back on. There's only one message, from Christian. 'What have you been up to this morning? Welcome to the working world Mr Trevelyan! Taylor will meet you outside at 6pm and take you to Escala, I think we need a chat'


	8. Chapter 8- Bored but Happy

Of course he probably already knows what I've been up to. How does he know? Does he have people watching me?

'We need to chat! Really means he needs to give me a lecture, and why is Taylor driving me to Escala? I'm quite capable of driving myself. I shove my hands in my pockets. Oh no! My car keys. I realise I left them on Andrea's desk this morning whilst having my milk. So Taylor will need to drive me, I'm not going to ask for my car keys back. It wouldn't surprise me if Christian has already moved the car. He'll be furious with me for being so careless as he bought me the car for my birthday a few weeks ago. Well it's his fault for being 'busy'; he shouldn't have made me cross and upset.

I take the coffee into Mr Edwards; he's on the phone and doesn't even look up to thank me. He just carries on his conversation about not having full authorisation to transfer that amount across yet. I wander back out and find a desk that no-one seems to occupy. I sit down and check my phone, no more texts thankfully. Shall I reply? No, it won't make the situation any better.

I glance idly around the room, it's very quiet, everyone must be out at lunch. I'm bored. I start to spin round in the chair, seeing how many times it will spin round with a quick push off the desk. High level, low level, fast and slow. I feel like I'm being watched. I try to stop quickly but end up falling off. I don't see his face but I hear him shout as he enters my boss's office 'Edwards, what is Mr Trevelyan doing, I do not pay him to spin around in a chair'. Another thing for him to add to the list. I sit quietly and wait.

I don't have to wait long, my boss shouts from his door 'Boy, my office now!' As I enter he looks at me though narrow slitted eyes and says 'Please explain to Mr Grey what you were doing.' I look at Mr Edwards and glance nervously at Christian and then back to Mr Edwards.

My hearts beating fast and my palms are sweating. 'Well Mr Trevelyan, We're waiting' says Christian in a soft voice that makes me look at him again. He smiles and winks at me. He's on my side and not cross. Something must have happened. I don't look back at Mr Edwards, I reply to Christian 'I was bored so was trying to amuse myself because I had nothing to do, I'm sorry for wasting company time' Christian smirks and says 'Tell me honestly, what have you learnt so far working in accounts today?' I look at Mr Edwards out of the corner of my eye and then reply 'Mr Edwards likes his coffee black but he doesn't like me for some reason. He's not been Head of accounts for long and he's not authorised yet to transfer huge sums of money to someone he was on the phone to earlier'

There's a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the table. Christian smiles at me, then hands me some documents. He asks me to go outside and read them, if I need to tell him anything about them I can signal him and he'll come to me.

I return to the desk that I had allocated to myself and soon become absorbed in the figures and data. In the last couple of years Christian has given me this type of spread sheet to look at to see if I can understand them, often having to spend time listening to my endless questions and taking time to answer and explain. Christian must have been watching me because as soon as I glance up he's on his way over. He leaves three other people in Mr Edwards's office; I'm surprised to see them there as I didn't hear anyone coming in. I only recognise Ros.

Christian cocks his head to one side; he doesn't speak but just leaves me to talk. I've found that small amounts of money have been carefully juggled between 2 or 3 different accounts before being transferred to same final one. It has only started happening in the last three weeks. Christian grins at me and tells me that's how long Edwards has been Head of Accounts.

Just before he turns to head back into the office he says 'Well done, little bro. We still need to chat about this morning. I know it's earlier than planned but Taylor will be waiting for you now. Go and amuse yourself on the Xbox until I get home'

Wow, he's pleased with me, he's not as angry as he was so perhaps our chat later might be just that instead of him venting his anger. As I head out to meet Taylor my blackberry vibrates, there's a text from Elliot and I smile as I read it 'If you were working for me you wouldn't have time to be falling off chairs! Will see you tonight for some boy time; get the balls ready, Laters '


	9. Chapter 9-Brotherly Love

As Taylor drives me to Escala I phone mom. She has just finished her shift at the hospital and is driving to Bellevue. She is going to take Mia to see our grandparents later. I tell her that I'm on my way to Christians and that I think Elliot is coming here as well later. She's going to drop some clothes and stuff off for me when she's out with Mia.

As we pull into the garage I notice my car is already here. So he did move it! As we travel in the elevator I ask Taylor if he knows where the keys for my car are. He looks uncomfortable so I tell him that I don't want to put him in an awkward position and that I'm not going to drive it but my gym and swimming gear are in the trunk. He smiles and tells me he will fetch the items for me. Christian must have told him not to give me the keys.

Mrs Jones is in the kitchen and she greets me warmly, asking if I want anything to eat or drink now as dinner won't be until 7.30pm. I decline politely and play a couple of tunes on the piano but as soon as Taylor returns with my sports gear I head to the leisure suite in the apartment block. With everyone at work the gym and lap pool are empty so it is a luxury to work out alone.

After a couple of hours I head back up to the 30th floor. Mom was just about to leave after dropping off my clothes. She likes my new haircut and asks if I'm staying here tonight, but I shrug and look at her warily. She hugs me and tells me it will be good test before California to see if I'm happy away from home and her at night. Vacations I can cope with because she is close by, if mom is away on conference then I'm still at home with dad. I've only stayed at Christians a few times but he's either ended up driving me home in the middle of the night or sat on the bed talking to me until I'm calm after the nightmare and fallen asleep again. Mom is very reassuring and says it's a good time to try with Christian and probably Elliot being here. She then hugs and kisses me goodbye and disappears in the elevator. I go into the spare room next to Christians to shower and change.

After amusing myself on the Xbox for an hour Christian appears with fruit juice for us both and sits on the sofa next to me.

'Is this a good time to chat' he says.

'Lecture?' I reply.

'No, I want to you to talk to me about this morning' he answers.

'Here? Not the study?' I ask

'Yes here, you might relax more and open up. Start at the beginning and tell me everything, even the parts I might not want to hear' he replies gently.

Deep breath, here goes. I explain to him about arriving at Grey House, being totally mesmerized by Olivia the intern and that I think I fancy her. Being upset when he was busy, disappointed and angry with his text so that I just walked out and didn't realise that I'd left the car keys behind on Andrea's desk, to which I add an apology. I tell him how I walked and walked, meeting Franco, the haircut, the walk back and all about the security pass. I also mention that even though I like Ana I'm worried that she'll take up all his time so we won't get chance to do things together anymore and that I'm so so scared that everything's changing so quickly.

After I finish Christian opens up and tells me his version of this morning. He was busy with Ana, spending time with her before she went to her Mom's in Georgia. He likes her a lot but he's not sure about the commitment yet as it's all happened so quickly. Whatever happens he will always have time for me along with the rest of the family. He then goes into semi lecture mode. I cannot have a relationship with any of the staff so Olivia is a no go area! Andrea had phoned shortly after I left because she was worried that I was upset. He'd tried to track me but my phone was off. He knew about the haircut because Mrs Lincoln had phoned him after she'd seen my name in the appointment book at Esclava. He said that the press would have a field day if they knew the youngest Grey was wandering the streets of Seattle aimlessly because he was upset with his brother. Apparently if I'm going to keep wandering especially if he can't trace me he will get me my own security.

I ask him why Mrs Lincoln would phone him, why Franco was scared of losing his job and why I didn't have to pay, so he tells me he owns a chain of salons with her as a side-line. I'm surprised at that as I though he was only interested in shipbuilding, telecommunications and agriculture. We talk about the Edwards incident, how he's now been fired and probably won't work in Seattle again. I will still work in accounts but Christian also wants me to work with Barney in IT for a few hours each week. He's also going to get me another pass that will give me access to all floors but I should keep the other for whilst I'm in the accounts department.

We also talk about my fear of things changing. He asks if this is why I still get nightmares and why I'm maybe worried about leaving home. It's my turn to open up now and tell him yes, change scares me so much even after all these years after mommy and daddy were killed. It's why I've planned the few days away in California with my school friends to see if I can cope with being away from family, and hopefully if I can cope with that then I can maybe think about going away to university. I haven't told anyone until now with Christian that Harvard have already offered me a place to start this year but I didn't think I was ready emotionally ready. Then I murmur quietly 'I thought you would think I was weak, babyish and not good enough to be your brother and part of the family'

Christian is shocked, almost angry that I hadn't told him earlier but he's managing to keep calm for me. He says he wouldn't have thought any less of me and he would have helped me overcome all these fears. He tells me we'll work on all this together through the summer so that I'm totally ready to go surfing away from all the Greys and still have a great time.

Elliot arrives in his usual loud, enthusiastic way, landing on the sofa with a thump.' Xbox or pool' he says to put an abrupt end to mine and Christian's conversation. 'Pool' we both reply together. We all get up together and go to the library, or 'balls room' as Elliot calls it. Out of Elliot's earshot Christian does ask if I'm ok and that he's always free if I need to talk. I smile, nod and thank him.

Christian's thoughts must be elsewhere as both Elliot and I beat him easily in the first couple of games. He accepts defeat good-naturedly which is strange and a first! He leaves me and Elliot to play together as he watches; his blackberry constantly vibrates in reply to his texts. Every time it goes off Elliot and I look at each other, roll our eyes and say 'Ana, again!' Christian just smirks at us.

Mrs Jones call out that dinner is ready when we are so we go to sit at the dining table. As we do Christian asks if we're staying over tonight seeing as Elliot is going away tomorrow so it's the last chance for a boy's night in for a while. Elliot whoops enthusiastically and heads to the fridge for the beers. I shrug, not sure what to do. Christian hands me a beer and says 'We want you to stay; this is the start and will be good for you'

The chicken stew followed by apple pie are really good, Mrs Jones is a great cook! The banter at the table is light-hearted with both Elliot and Christian teasing me mercilessly about my chair spinning incident earlier today. Christian says my face was a picture when I realised he was watching and tried in vain to stop quickly.

We end up relaxing stretched out comfortably on the huge sofas in the great room, having a few more beers, reminiscing about holidays and where else we'd like to travel to. Elliot briefly calls Kate, Christian has another text conversation with Ana but I find I'm not jealous or angry anymore. I'm just very happy to be here, spending time with my brothers.


	10. Chapter 10-Relaxing!

Wow, I can't believe it's morning. I've slept through the night with no nightmares and feel totally relaxed. I shower and dress then head out to the kitchen for breakfast. Elliot has just finished eating; he's leaving early as he still needs to pack for his vacation with Kate. Mrs Jones asks what I would like for breakfast as Christian appears from his study and asks Mrs Jones for omelette and fruit; I tell her I'll have the same.

Elliot goes to leave, he hugs me, then affectionately ruffles my hair and tells me whilst he's away if I get angry with Christian then I mustn't do anything drastic without texting him first for approval. Christian bursts out laughing at this as he bids farewell to Elliot, telling him to have a great vacation. Elliot heads in the direction of the elevator shouting 'Laters!'

As we sit on the bar stools eating our omelettes Christian asks how I slept. I inform him straight through, very well and no nightmares! He thinks I should stay here again tonight as mom and dad are at a charity function and Mia is having her friends round for a girly night. Although he has dinner planned with an old friend, he won't be out too late. Mrs Jones will prepare something for my dinner and I can just chill out until he returns. He's pleased when I agree to stay and decides Taylor will drive us to work together.

I have a very productive day at work. The mood in the office is good since the news that Edwards has left, apparently he was ok to work with but as soon as he was promoted to Head he changed and became a nightmare. No-one has replaced him yet. I work my way through all Christian's figures and realise he's owns or has shares in most of the businesses in Seattle. I spend my lunch break with Barney who shows me how to track someone's phone and some other useful surveillance tips. In the afternoon one of the boys from the mail room delivers an envelope to my desk, it contains my new security pass along with a note from Christian 'Hope you're not too bored today; come up to my office when you're finished. I'll be ready to leave about 6pm. Christian'.

When most people from accounts have left to go home I make my way to the 20th floor. I'm relieved that Olivia has already gone but Andrea is still there. I stay in reception and talk to her, Christian is in his meeting room with a few people but Andrea tells me they've nearly finished. The door to the meeting room opens and as they leave I hear Christian roar with anger 'Make sure its fucking sorted before you present it to me again instead of wasting my time' I look at Andrea and grimace, she tells me he's been like this all day. I wonder if it's because Ana is away.

When he appears he looks tired and stressed, he's obviously been raking his fingers through his hair as it's all over the place. He smiles and visibly relaxes when he sees me and tells Andrea it's time to go home. He's calm again now as if someone has flipped a switch in him.

On the journey to Escala Christian tells me about his day, it started badly when he had a workout with Claude who had him on the floor a few times and various meetings that hadn't gone too well as the people involved had come ill-prepared so ended up wasting his time. I ask him if it's because his heads in a different place, like almost three thousand miles away. He sulks and broods silently for a few minutes before asking politely how I got on today in accounts and with Barney. He smirks at me when I tell him how I found out he owns most of Seattle and then looks horrified when I tell him I can now use surveillance cameras through a computer and can track him on his phone.

In the penthouse we go our separate ways. Me to change to go for a quick workout and swim and Christian to change before going to dinner, telling me he'll catch me later.

The gym and pool are busy compared to yesterday so I don't spend too long on each exercise; it's not having the usual effect of relaxing me. I make my way back up to Christian's apartment and reheat the food that Mrs Jones has prepared and left for me. She must have already retired for the night with Taylor.

I switch on the TV but as I mindlessly flick through the channels there's nothing that catches my eye that I want to watch. I read a book but can't get into it. I plug myself into my iPod but even then I can't relax and settle. In the end I find comfort in the piano, tune after tune, some happy, some sad. I feel Christian's presence as he returns and watches me for a while. Eventually I shift up on the stool and he joins me. We play a number of duets together and I finally feel myself relaxing. Christian must have felt my tension and then my relaxation as he goes to grab a couple of beers.

Once again we end the evening on the big white sofas, stretched out, beer in hand.

'How would you feel if I went away tomorrow for a couple of days?' Christian asks.

'Are you going to see Ana?'

'Yes' he replies ' But providing you sleep well again here tonight I want you to stay here with Mrs Jones as I will have Taylor with me'

'OK, I will give it a go. What time are you leaving?' I ask.

'After we've had breakfast together' he then smiles and throws something at me' You'll be needing these'

Finally, he's given me back my car keys without me having to ask for them. I grin back and in return playfully throw at cushion at him which he deflects with his arm. Before I know it, we're both almost play fighting. Using our kickboxing moves we make our way round the great room, sometimes with me on the floor and sometimes Christian. It stops almost as suddenly as it started but we're both breathless. For those few minutes we pushed each other to the limit, I found the physical exertion good after my gym workout that had been lacking. Christian exclaimed he got more out of that than the two hours he spent with Claude this morning and that we should workout more together. I agree with him, before draining my beer and heading off to bed.


	11. Chapter 11-Christian Cares

Another great night's sleep, I could get used to this. I wander into the kitchen in just my pyjama bottoms and grab some orange juice. Christian has beaten me to it and is already up, showered, dressed and reading the newspaper. He hasn't eaten yet though; he was waiting for me, though he's desperate to know how I slept again.

As we eat he gives me instructions for the next few days, again I'm to work mainly in accounts but spending an hour or so with Barney watching what he does. He also wants me to report to Ros at the end of each day to let her know how I've been getting on. He tells me if I need to contact him whilst he's away then I must use my blackberry, in fact I'd better use it all the time rather than my work email to him. He will travel back with Ana and be back on Friday evening.

I drive Christian to work as he has a meeting first thing that is too important for him to cancel. Taylor is going to pick him up in an hour or so with all their bags ready for the trip to Georgia. As we enter Grey House we head off to different elevators and different floors.

I try and absorb myself in the columns and figures but can't settle and concentrate like normal. I make my way up to Christian's floor; luckily he's still in his meeting so I haven't missed him. Olivia is beaming at me and I talk to her politely remembering Christian's warning about not having relationships with the staff. She is very beautiful though and my heart does miss a beat as she smiles shyly at me and laughs softly at my jokes.

The meeting is over and Christian appears, it must have gone well because he's in a good mood. He seems surprised to see me and ushers me into his office asking if something is wrong. I tell him I just wanted to say goodbye properly, wish him a safe trip and ask him to say 'Hi' to Ana. He smiles and gives me a hug before releasing me and asking if I was chatting up Olivia, smirking I say 'No, just being polite' He eyes me cautiously but lets the subject drop. Taylor has arrived so he needs to leave. I travel in the elevator with him, wanting his company for those last few precious moments. As he climbs in the car he says 'Take care and sleep well'

I go back to the 17th floor and can really lose myself in my work once again, those extra few moments with Christian were just what I needed. When I feel my neck aching and my eyes are tired and strained from the concentrating I realise it's already lunchtime. I go to the local deli for a bagel and then back to Barney's office for another lesson in surveillance. The afternoon passes equally quickly, I realise that I'm enjoying working here for Christian in relative anonymity in this department. As instructed I report to Ros before I leave, she's happy with the way I've been working today especially as I haven't got big brother around to watch over me. She laughs as I joke that he'll still know everything that I've been up to.

As I emerge from the elevator I bump into Olivia in the foyer. We chat easily together as we walk out to the car park. Being the gentleman that I am I walk her to her car and as she presses the key to unlock it I open the door for her. She blushes and as she gets in gives me a kisses me on the cheek and says thank you. I close her door and wait for her to drive away not wanting to move away from the spot where she kissed me, I know it was only on the cheek but it's still caused me to have my first erection and I'm stood in the middle of my brothers car park.

I head towards my own car, my thoughts all over the place. My phone vibrates, it's Christian. He's arrived safely and hopes I've had a good day at work. The text has left me feeling guilty though, he's still thinking of me when he's about to see Ana and yet I've defied him by being what I thought was polite to Olivia but it seems to be developing further. I must stay away from her otherwise Christian is going to be so mad and after all our recent chats I really don't want to spoil the relationship I have with my brother over a girl.

Before I know where the journey has gone I'm pulling into the garage at Escala, I really should concentrate more when I'm driving. As I travel in the elevator I wonder what I'm going to do this evening. Mrs Jones mothers me as soon as I enter, telling me to shower before my guests arrive. I look at her with a puzzled expression, she smiles and says 'Mr Grey has arranged for your parents and Mia to come to dinner, they will be arriving in 30minutes'

By the time I'm showered and changed mom, dad and Mia have arrived. Mia is shocked at my new hairstyle wanting to know why I've had it cut. I tell her it's because Christian made me angry, she slaps my chest but mom and dad smile. Mrs Jones has cooked us an excellent meal and it's good to catch up with the three of them as we haven't seen each other for a couple of days.

After dinner dad goes to Christian's study to make a couple of calls, while Mia watches some programme that she can't possibly miss on the TV. Mom and I remain at the table and continue to chat, she asks how work is, how I've been sleeping, how do I feel about being here tonight without Christian. I give her all the answers she needs and say that I can always drive home in the middle of the night. She smiles and moves to hug me, telling me I've grown up so much in the last couple of days. As I tell her it Christian's fault she laughs.

I bid my family farewell and feel slightly apprehensive. I text Christian to thank him for the surprise of guests for dinner but hear nothing back. He must be busy with Ana. I go to bed hoping that I sleep as well as I have over the last couple of nights.


	12. Chapter 12-Hatred

I did it on my own! Slept right through the night with no nightmares. Wow, I can't believe how good I feel. I text both mom and Christian to let them know I survived the ordeal and came out the other side. They both respond immediately saying they're very happy on my behalf. I shower quickly and dress then head for the kitchen.

Climbing onto one of the stools Mrs Jones senses my good mood. She immediately pours me orange juice and asks what I'd like to eat. 'Pancakes and bacon please' I say, she smiles and sets to work making the batter.

As I'm finishing eating and Mrs Jones is clearing up we hear something coming from the double doors by the entrance to the great room. Suddenly a girl appears, not much older than me. At first glance I think she looks like Ana, but she is thinner, paler and scruffy and almost ghost like. I immediately stand but she waves something that glints under the light and makes a gesture for me to stay where I am. I pale; I think she has a knife.

'What do you want Leila?' Mrs Jones asks gently. I whip my head round to look at her, Mrs Jones knows her.

'Mr Grey' the girl almost whispers hoarsely.

'Leila, Mr Grey is away on business and won't be back for a while, can I help you' says Mrs Jones, again gently but totally in control of the situation. I'm in awe of her.

'No, no-one can help' Leila whispers and with that tries to open up a vein in her wrist with the knife.

I run towards her, catching her as she falls, Mrs Jones is beside me with a towel which she puts over the wound and gets me to hold. She then runs back to the kitchen to fetch the first aid kit and upon finding the bandages wraps them tightly around to apply pressure in a bid to stem the flow of blood. I call for an ambulance and it isn't long before Mrs Jones is letting the paramedics in. They take Leila from me, putting her on a stretcher. Mrs Jones gives them as many details as she can and then they take her away.

I am covered in her blood and I think I'm in shock. I sit on the floor with my head in my hands. Mrs Jones kneels next to me and rubs my back. She remains so calm. Eventually we both rise and she tells me to go and shower and change whilst she cleans up. I just nod numbly and do as I'm told. I strip my clothes off and stand under the scalding hot shower for ages, I think of nothing but the red of the blood. I dress again and take my soiled clothes to Mrs Jones to clean. She tells me that she has informed Taylor of the situation.

I sit in Christian's chair in his study. I don't have to wait long for him to call; I knew he would as soon as Taylor told him. He's shocked, anxious and desperate to know that me and Mrs Jones are OK. I assure him that we're both good, just a little shaken. He's on his way with Taylor to the airport now and will be back later this evening. Ana will follow alone tomorrow.

Mrs Jones insists we must carry on as normal, as I head to work she carries on with her chores and will find out where Leila was taken. I arrive at Grey House realising again that I have driven here on automatic, not paying attention. I'm late but no one seems to notice, so I sit at my desk and pretend to work just letting the figures dance around on the screen.

At lunch time I go for a walk to try and clear my head. Then I see her in front of me, Olivia. She asks me to go for coffee and I follow her in to the place we happen to be stood by. I order and pay for us both as she finds a seat and I sit down opposite her. She talks non-stop and reminds me of Mia, I wouldn't get a word in if I tried. She doesn't notice that I'm not much company; she must just think I'm shy. We finish our coffees and wander back to the office together; as we enter she kisses my cheek again as a thank you and off she disappears into her elevator as I take a different one.

Again I sit in front of the screen of numbers and they still make no sense. I would have been better staying away today. A couple of the guys try to engage me in conversation commenting that it didn't take me long to get my feet under the table by going out with none other than 'Mr Grey's PA'. I blush but do not reply. Let them think what they want. It doesn't even occur to me that the news might filter back to Christian.

My blackberry vibrating with a text brings me out of my daydream. It's evening and late. The office is empty. Christian has texted to say he has landed and will be at Escala soon. I make my way out of the building to the car. This time I make sure I concentrate when I'm driving.

The SUV is already parked up in the garage so I know Christian has arrived back. I travel in the elevator thinking what a relief it is that he's back to sort all this mess out. I smile at him immediately when I see him stood by the piano; he doesn't return my smile but looks at me coldly with hatred in his eyes.

'I thought I could fucking trust you but it appears not. Get your things and get the fuck out of my life, I don't want to see you again and you don't work for me any more' he angrily bellows at me.

'Why' I stammer.

'Olivia' he roars.

'I haven't done anything'

'Don't fucking lie to me, just go' he shouts and turns his back on me.

I put my head down and walk back towards the elevator. I see Taylor shake his head in sympathy out of the corner of my eye. Mrs Jones comes with me as far as the elevator door.

'He's just in shock from earlier; it's been a traumatic day. He'll come round' she says.

'I don't think so, he hates me. He'll never forgive me and trust me again. Please give these to him and thank you for taking care of me' I say and hand her my car keys. I can't keep it now. I don't even pick up my bag, I just leave it behind. Then I turn and go. I think I hear her sob but don't dare turn round to see.

I send a text; 'SORRY' is all it says, to Christian. With that I switch off my phone so that I cannot be traced and board a bus heading towards Sea-Tac.


	13. Chapter 13-Rescued

It's 7.30pm by the time I arrive at the airport. I scan the departure board looking to see where the remaining flights of the day are going, there's one to San Francisco at 9pm and another to Miami an hour later. I sit with a coffee, not drinking it but it's something to do without making me look suspicious and it allows me to think about where to go. I switch my blackberry back on, there are no messages, perhaps he really doesn't care anymore. The look in his eyes, pure hatred, I don't ever want to see anyone look at me like that again, it haunts me just visualising that look. I have seen Christian angry before but never like this with me, I mean we've had our moments, he gets cross then five minutes later we're friends again.

Before I make my final decision on which flight to take I email Christian, he might not read it but at least he has that choice.

From: Matthew Grey

To: Christian Grey

Subject: Please don't hate me.

Dear Christian,

I am so sorry for today.

Yesterday I happened to be in the foyer at the same time as Olivia and I walked her to her car and opened the door for her, she kissed me on the cheek to say thank you. Today I went for a walk at lunchtime and she was on the sidewalk at the same time, she invited me for coffee and I did go with her but I was in such a daze from events with the girl this morning that I didn't realise what was happening. We did walk back to Grey House together and she kissed me on the cheek again to say thank you for the coffee. Nothing else happened.

You trusted me and I broke that trust by going against your word. I am so ashamed of myself.

I will leave your life as you requested. Thank you for the opportunity to share so many things with you, I have enjoyed so much, anything else will pale in insignificance.

The look in your eyes tonight will haunt me forever but it's what I deserve after letting you down so badly, I do not want to see that look again from you or anyone in the family that I love so much so will leave you all.

Please don't hate me.

Love Always

Matt

I hit send then turn the phone off. Standing in the queue at the ticket desk I'm still undecided, perhaps time will decide for me as there's only one sales desk and it's moving so slowly. It's my turn next, I'm still in with a chance of both flights providing there's a seat left on them. I feel someone grab my elbow and steer me away from the queue.

'You're not going anywhere tonight whilst emotions are high and everyone is this upset. I'll take you somewhere now and we can look at the situation tomorrow' I turn and look into Taylor's eyes, they're full of sympathy.

'Did he make you follow me?'

'No, Mrs Jones did. Mr Grey does not know I am here. Please come with me so that we can sort it all out tomorrow. Mrs Jones will never forgive me if I let you go.' Taylor says.

'He might fire you'

'He will have to fire us both and we will take the risk' Taylor replies and smiles gently.

I go with him to the car, they care about me and I feel slightly better. I climb into the front passenger seat, wanting the comfort of being near someone I trust. As we drive back towards the city I let the lights flash by in a daze. Taylor tells me he has booked me into a hotel quite close to Escala, I don't reply, the words are stuck. I have never stayed in a hotel on my own before. Taylor parks in the car park, takes me to reception to check me in and then shows me to my room. He has my bag with him so at least I have some clothes.

'Are you going to be ok?'

I shrug my shoulders.

'Shall I call your mom?'

I look at him in horror.

'Do you want me to tell Mr Grey where you are?'

I shake my head.

'Can I leave you here for now?'

I nod.

'Ok, I am going back to Escala now. I will not tell anyone where you are tonight but you must promise to call me if you need anything at all. You do not need to speak; I will be here in five minutes if I see it is you phoning. I will be back tomorrow morning to check you are OK'

I nod again and give him a small smile to show that I understand. As he leaves I lock the door, then sink onto the bed and stare at the ceiling.

There's a quiet tapping at the door but I ignore it. I'm still fully dressed, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. I don't know what time it is, I haven't slept. The knocking gets more insistent.

'Matthew, open the door or I will break in' Taylor shouts.

I climb off the bed, unlock and open the door for him. He enters the room and looks around, nothing has moved because I haven't touched anything.

'Have you slept?'

I shake my head.

'Have you eaten?' Another shake

'Are you hungry?' Another shake

Can I get you anything?' Shake

'Are you ok here?' Nod

Can I call anyone for you?' Look of horror

'Mr Grey does not know you're here, I will leave you here for another day at least as you are safe here. He has not told your parents that he threw you out yet so they won't be worried at the moment. I will send Mrs Jones this afternoon, try and get some sleep'

He turns to leave and I am left alone again. I can't settle back on the bed so move a chair to the window, I sit and stare at the patterns in the clouds. I'm cold so take the duvet off the bed and wrap it round me before sitting back in the chair to continue my staring.

I must sit like this for hours because the next thing I know the door to my room opens and Mrs Jones walks in. She walks over to me and gives me a hug.

'Taylor gave me the key card for the room. I know I shouldn't hug you with you being the boss's brother but I figure you could do with it right now. I have brought you some chicken soup and will sit with you whilst you eat. Taylor and I are worried about you. Go and wash and I'll get the soup out.' She says gently.

I do as I'm told and go to the bathroom. As I sit and eat Mrs Jones talks. I focus on eating and listen in and out to her one sided conversation, only catching parts.

'Ana is due back soon; Taylor is collecting her from the airport. Mr Grey is frantic because Leila checked herself out of the hospital and she obviously needs help.'

She doesn't mention anything about whether Christian is frantic with worry about me, or whether he read my email, or missing me, or whether he's regretting throwing me out.

'I'm going to go now; I will leave you some cold drinks and fruit. Taylor will be coming back to check on you later and will bring some food. Do you think you might go back to Bellevue tomorrow?'

I shrug and frown. She gives me another hug as she leaves and tells me that I need some sleep. I close the door and return to the comfort of the duvet on the chair. I must have fallen asleep, when I wake I am too warm and it is dark outside. I take a long hot shower and dress in some clean clothes. Leaving the bathroom rubbing my hair I see Taylor has arrived.

'Did you sleep?' Nod

'Did you eat?' Nod

'More food now? Mrs Jones has sent lasagne' Nod. I sit down to eat as Taylor continues

'Ana is back, Mr Grey is calmer. Shall I tell him where you are?' Shake

'Will you consider going back to Bellevue tomorrow? I can call you mom' Shrug

'OK, I will come in the morning again to check on you and we will take it from there. When I leave tonight I want you to sleep in the bed. Plug yourself into your iPod if you need to but you need to sleep. Will you do that for me and Mrs Jones?' I nod.

'Good, have you switched on your phone since yesterday evening?' Shake

'Do you want to do it now whilst I'm here?' Shake

'Can I do it for you?' Nod. With my nod he picks my blackberry up off the side table and turns it on. It vibrates a few times before Taylor announces 'Twenty one messages, someone is popular' I smile at his joke.

'Seriously you have four from your mom, three from Elliot, two from your dad and from Mia and ten from Mr Grey.' I slump my shoulders forward, elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands. Taylor sits next to me on the bed, putting his hand on my shoulder.

'Do you want to read them now?' Shake.

'Shall I switch the phone off?' Nod

'OK, it's off and I'll leave it by the bed. I am going now. Same rules as last night, phone me if you need anything. Double lock the door behind me and then go to bed. Sleep, I will see you tomorrow.'


	14. Chapter 14-Home

It's dark, I think I've slept for a few hours but time feels so disorientated at the moment. The music from my iPod is still blaring in my ears. With the duvet wrapped round me once more I grab my phone and sit by the window again. Watching the dawn break I remember happy times with Christian as he took me gliding early in a morning so we could chase the dawn.

I turn the phone over and over in one hand and then the other. Can I switch it back on and read those messages, I suppose I don't have to read his but I better look at the ones from the rest of the family. I switch on the phone and there's more vibrating. There's at least another ten new messages since yesterday when Taylor checked for me.

I start with Mia's, I'm sure she doesn't live in the real world half the time so they will be the easiest to read. They are the usual mundane chatter, have I got a date for the ball next week and can she get me a mask. Err no! I don't think I'll be going!

Elliot's are not too bad.

'Arrived here in the sun! Hope you're surviving working with the control freak bro! Laters'

'Hi to my two brothers, are you giving me the silent treatment?'

'Are you both still alive? Will be on next flight home if I don't hear from one of you by Saturday. I'm getting worried now; the phone is never this quiet from either of you.'

I quickly reply to Elliot 'I'm OK, enjoy your holiday!' I don't want him to fly all the way here just because of me.

Dad's texts are mixed, one telling me off and the other being concerned.

'Please have the courtesy to reply to your mom's text's she is getting worried about you'

'Matt, please just text or call to let us know you are ok.'

Mom's texts start off OK but go into panic mode.

'Hi Matt, hope you're surviving on your own for a few days'

'Darling, please let me know you're ok'

'Is everything OK, I'm getting worried about you'

'Matthew Grey if you do not reply to this text I will be straight round to check on you in the morning'

That's all I need, mom turning up at Escala. I text her 'Don't panic mom, everything has been a bit hectic. I'll be back home later today if that's ok? See you in a few hours.' She's replies immediately 'So you are still alive! Think I need to give to a few tips on communicating before you go away to California on your own! See you soon darling'

I decide to have a quick look at what Christian has to say. I almost give up after the first one; it's in reply to the 'Sorry' I sent him before heading to the airport and simply states 'It's too late to be sorry' I gulp and close my eyes only to see his cold gray eyes. I quickly open mine again and read a few more of his messages. Most of them are just asking me where I am, telling me not to do anything stupid, pleading with me to reply to let him know I'm ok. One of the longer ones starts 'I know you're not at Bellevue so where the hell are you?' They are all demanding in his control freakishness way to know where I am, I'm only about halfway through but there's no apology. He obviously still hates me but needs the contact from me so that he can rid himself of any guilt he might have about throwing me out of his penthouse. I almost give up reading anymore because I'm still so raw and hurt by his reaction. The next one doesn't have a title but just says 'I've sent an email, I hope you read it' I can't face it now, maybe later.

I switch the phone off and go and shower. I don't know how long I stand there but it feels good to be under the cascade of water as it hammers away any thoughts from my head. On returning into the bedroom I find some fresh clothes in my bag and pack the rest of my stuff. I'm getting restless now and feel like I could do with some exercise, especially a long swim. I pace the room, eating some of the fruit that Mrs Jones left yesterday.

The door to the room opens and Taylor enters. He looks pleased that I'm up, showered and dressed.

'Did you sleep?' Shrug

'Eat?' Nod

'Would you like to go home today?' Slow nod

'Now?' Nod

'OK, let's go. Have you got everything?' Nod

I raise an eyebrow at him in the hope he knows I'm trying to question him, I think he can read my mind as he says, 'Mr Grey won't miss me for an hour or so, he still doesn't know where you are but has been trying to track you. I don't want to be indiscreet but I have just dropped Ana at her apartment, they had a disagreement.' I gulp, then look at him with wide eyes. 'It wasn't anything to do with the situation between you and Mr Grey, this is totally separate so do not add this to the things that you are blaming yourself for and causing yourself so much hurt with. Come, I will take you back to your mom.'

I follow him down to the SUV, again sitting in the front. He seems to understand that I need to be there next to him as he doesn't question it. I stare out of the side window, letting the colors of the view merge into one. As we pull up in front of the house I feel tense, Taylor must sense my unease.

'Do you want to wait here?' Shake

'Shall I come in with you?' Nod

'Would you like me to explain a little to your mom?' Slow nod with slight look of horror.

He gives me a nod back, then he's out of the car and opening my door. As we approach the front door it opens and mom is stood there. I think she was just about to tell me off about my communication skills when she glances at Taylor who gives her a tight smile and a slight shake of the head. She is with me in an instant, hugging me and raining kisses on my forehead 'What's wrong my darling boy? What's happened to you?'

She looks at Taylor 'Taylor, what has happened?'

'Christian was really angry with Matthew.' Taylor says but doesn't get any further as my mom interrupts.

'Thank you for bringing Matthew home Taylor, I will sort my sons out, they probably need their heads banging together.'

'Mrs Grey, Matthew hasn't spoken since Thursday, he's been staying in a hotel, he's been too scared and frightened to see anyone but finally agreed to come home today.'

Mom then replies as if I'm not there 'Christian did this to him, but Christian has never been this angry with him before, they normally sort out their differences after a few minutes. What happened on Thursday that was so bad because on Wednesday evening everything was good, they were both so happy with themselves and each other then.'

Taylor looks non-committal as he probably doesn't want to be drawn into a family argument; after all it is my brother that employs him so he needs to show his loyalty to him.

'I know you can't say anymore Taylor as you will be protecting Christian as he employs you, but thank you for taking care of Matthew and bringing him home.'

As Taylor turns to leave I go to shake his hand and give him a small smile as a thank you. Mom is once more at my side, taking my hand she guides me inside. The next hug is all I need to let go of all the emotion that has been building for 48 hours and I sob my heart out onto my mom's shoulder.


	15. Chapter 15-Lost

'Carrick' my mom calls as my sobs subside. Dad appears from the living room. 'Phone Christian now, I want him here straight away so that we can sort out this situation. I don't care what he's up to, this is more important than anything else in the world right now' and I thought Mia was over dramatic! Dad disappears into his study. I tug mom's sleeve, she looks at me and I slowly shake my head, eyes wide with fear, hurt and sorrow.

We go to the kitchen and mom busies herself making tea. I just stand and stare so she comes back over to me. Brushing my curls with her hand she says softly 'Whatever has happened is in the past and we cannot change it but we will work together to sort this out so that you and Christian are happy again' Dad is back, he puts his arms round mom's shoulder and tells her he has phoned, texted and emailed but there's no response from Christian yet. Mom catches her breath almost sob like and dad folds her into his arms and gently rocks with her. She is so upset; I don't think I can ever remember her being like this over anything that any of us have done in the past.

I take this opportunity to leave them to it and go to my bedroom, then Christian's room. He's always had a place for everything and it's still all there, nothing has moved. I pick up a couple of his trophies and deliberately put them back in the wrong place. Next stop is his pin board, some of the photos on it I turn round so I can't see his face. He will know that it's me that has done this but I figure I can't make him anymore angry.

Next I grab my swimming kit, show it to mom so she knows where I am and head to the pool. It feels good to be outside again in the fresh air. It's busy at the pool with it being a Saturday afternoon, lots of families having fun splashing about but the lanes are quiet and that's where I go. For two hours nothing else matters apart from me putting one hand then the other in the water to drag myself along at a gruelling pace that has me aching all over.

As I'm leaving the pool area I bump into my friend Hannah, she is here with a couple of her friends. She hugs me and I hug her back, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

'Wow Matt, it's only been a week since we left school and you've changed so much, you look so different!' she exclaims. I want to say good different or bad different but of course the words are stuck. I smile shyly at her.

'No words?' she asks. I nod. We've been in the same class since pre-k so she knows I have been through some tough times.

'Are you free to meet up tomorrow?' Nod

'Cool, I'll come to your place about 2pm.' Nod, then another hug goodbye.

I stroll towards home slowly. It gives me time with my thoughts. It will be good to see Hannah tomorrow, she along with Jonty are my best friends, the three of us are inseparable at school and usually are up to some mischief together. Hannah has been good for me at school, sometimes my rival at all the academic stuff; we would both push to be top of the class. Sometimes my guardian angel, if I was having a 'no words' time at school even from a young age she would cover for me. When we were younger she would put a toy or something in my hand so that we could pretend we were playing together, or if it was work we had to do she would always team up with me, do the work and then be the spokesperson for our presentation. If I had words then I would speak so it looked like we were taking turns. I know tomorrow she will just talk at me not expecting anything in return.

I haven't taken the coastal path today but made my way along the road. I slow down as I near home. I don't usually come this way unless I'm in a car as it doesn't take long to pass but I'm here now stood in front of the house where I was born. I stand and stare, taking deep breaths to try and relax myself; the odd tear runs down my cheek. I don't know how long I've been here in the gateway to my first home but feel someone at my side. Dad puts an arm round my shoulder and guides me home, up the steps and through the front door and straight to the family room. He sits me down by the piano and tells me he's going to get mom.

Automatically I play, sad haunting tunes. I see mom or dad move occasionally at the entrance to the room as if to check up on me but otherwise they leave me alone, they know that I'll find them when I'm ready. My head is clear again and I leave the comfort of the music, climb the stairs and go and find my blackberry, it is time to read the rest of Christian's messages.

I start with the email, it was sent at 11pm last night, so it took him over 24 hours to reply to mine.

From: Christian Grey

To: Matthew Grey

Subject: Re: Please don't hate me

Matthew,

I have tried to trace you but failed, you have managed to evade all attempts of being found by my security team.

Olivia is no longer an intern at my company. I interviewed her today and she admitted that she had been stalking you as she wanted a relationship with a Grey. She realised that was never going to happen with me no matter how much she flirted and so she took advantage of you because you were so much younger. When she kissed you in the reception area the security camera image was downloaded and used as her profile picture ona media site. Barney had tracked it within a few minutes of it going live so no damage was done but this was why I exploded and got so angry with you as I didn't know your side of the story I just jumped to conclusions. Unfortunately because I and the rest of the family have been so over protective you were an easy target. I thought I could trust my staff.

You are still so innocent and naïve I thought I could protect you by having you work for me but that was not the case. You have no reason to blame yourself for what happened; it is my fault for putting you in that situation. I did trust you impeccably but you were not ready to handle this situation, do not be ashamed of yourself.

I have loved and enjoyed having you in my life; if you leave it permanently it will be a darker place. I regret what I said about wanting you out of my life; in fact I want you to be very much a part of my future. I understand it will probably take time to rebuild our relationship again as I have hurt you deeply with the words I used.

You have not let me down; in fact I am very proud of you. You have coped really well with everything that happened whilst I was away. When you came into the great room you were so happy to see me and I was so angry and cross with all the events of the day that I took all my frustration and anger out on you. You were probably the last person I should have been angry with but I could not help myself. Those evil words that came from my mouth should never have been spoken as they are certainly not true.

I deeply regret what happened between us on Thursday evening, I will understand if you never want to see or speak to me again but please don't leave the rest of the family that love you so much. They will be frantic in a few hours' time when they realise you are missing, I have not told them anything yet as I was hoping to have made contact before now. Please reply to at least one of the texts that they are bound to have sent to let them know you are safe.

Take Care

Christian

I read it twice it doesn't make me feel any better. I quickly scroll through the other texts that he sent. They all follow the same theme, 'Are you OK?' 'Where are you?' 'At least text mom!' Well I'm here with her so these texts don't matter anymore.

I go back downstairs; mom is just about to serve dinner. She ruffles my hair affectionately and I reward her with a small smile. Mom and dad talk constantly as we eat, I think it's to make up for my silence, occasionally they ask a question but they get the usual, nod, shake or shrug. Mia is away tonight with friends so at least I don't have to listen to her prattling on about nonsense. When dad give's his usual nod, I hurriedly help mom clear the table and then escape to the sanctuary of my room.

There's another email from Christian, it was sent whilst we were having dinner.

From: Christian Grey

To: Matthew Grey

Subject: What have I done to you?

Matthew,

I am sorry for everything that I have put you through the last few days.

I know what you have been up to since Thursday evening. I'm happier now I know you are safe at home. I found out Taylor and Mrs Jones have been taking care of you and making sure you're ok. No wonder you evaded the rest of my security team with Taylor assisting you. I can assure you that Taylor and Mrs Jones are still working for me, I also know that you were worried about me firing them both before you accepted their help which was very considerate of you.

So where were you going to go when you were in the queue at the airline desk, Miami or San Francisco, mom is pissed enough at me as it is but she would never have forgiven me if you'd have caught a flight on your own. Mom wants me to come to Bellevue to sort out this situation, I have not replied to any of hers or dad's messages yet so she's even madder at me. I will only come when you are comfortable with me being there as I do not want to cause any more upset or hurt you further.

On a serious note I am distraught that my actions have put you back into the silent world of 'no words' Everything was going so well, you were coping with so many new situations and I really thought you would be ready to have a great time in California. I know I've hurt you deeply and you will not want to see me but if I can help in any way at all to make your dream of going away at the end of the summer become a reality then please let me know.

I will understand if you don't reply to this email or contact me but please take care of yourself.

Christian

I go to open the window, and stand staring not seeing the view but just breathing deeply and getting some fresh air in my lungs. He obviously cares about me but I'm still emotionally raw and hurting so much. He doesn't mention Ana at all but Taylor said they had a disagreement, I hope they sorted it out. Where did that come from, me hoping that they sorted it out! Maybe in time I will be able to forgive him but for now I will sleep.


	16. Chapter 16-Wow

So much has happened in one short week but I'm back in exactly the same place as I was seven days ago. Another Sunday, back at the pool and still no words. I jogged here today along the coast road and will go back the same way. I really push myself this morning with another gruelling set at a blistering pace. The ache in my muscles feels good as I stroll home.

Again mom is in the kitchen preparing lunch, I go and hug her.

'You need a shower!' I smile.

'Feeling any better?' Nod and smile.

'Good. We still haven't heard from Christian, I don't know what he's playing at but I'm so mad at him right now' Shrug

'Lunch will be ready in twenty minutes, your fathers in his study' I smile at her and leave, as I pass dad's study door I pop my head in and wave, he smiles back but is on the phone so I leave him and head for the shower.

As I'm getting dressed I see the light on my phone flashing, Christian has emailed again.

From: Christian Grey

To: Matthew Grey

Subject: Work

Matthew,

I recall on Thursday saying that 'you don't work for me anymore' I'm sorry.

If you still want to be a GEH employee you are very welcome to return whenever you wish, even tomorrow should you so want? There will always be a position available for you in the company.

I have transferred some money to your bank account for last week's work.

Take Care

Christian.

So he's still wants me to go to work for him, I don't think so! The trouble is if I want to work then I'll have to move away from Seattle seeing as he owns most of it. I don't even want his money in my bank account; he makes me so angry, trying to control everything all the time. Maybe that's his intention, trying to get me angry with him; it's got to be better than all the pain and hurt.

Lunch is pretty quiet, we're all lost in our own thoughts, it's over quickly. The doorbell rings, I know its Hannah it's the way she presses the button and keeps her finger on it. Mom recognises it as well, she looks at me quizzically saying 'That will be Hannah, are you up to seeing her darling boy?' I nod and grin then go to open the door.

After a quick hug, we wander through the kitchen where Hannah says 'hi' to mom and dad then I lead her out into the back yard. Mom looks happy and smiles at dad. We wander down towards the boat house and the shore.

Sitting at the end of the jetty with our feet dangling in the water Hannah starts to talk. It's so lovely to listen to her chatter about what all our friends have been up to this week, perhaps I'll hang out with them for a few days seeing as I won't be working. I'm actually finding it relaxing, sitting in the sun with my feet tapping the water and making small splashes.

Suddenly I do one big splash sending water all over her, she screams because she's wet, I scramble up to my feet and run so that she can't get me back. She chases after me and we flop down onto the grass .I'm lying on my front resting on my elbows and Hannah on her back next to me so that she can see my nods and shakes as she carries on talking.

'Matt, have you ever had sex?' look of shock, horror, frown and shake of head and not sure what else I must look like. Where did that question come from?

'I take it from your expression the answer is no, it's just that you have all the girls at school looking at you all the time, all desperate for you to acknowledge them and get a smile. You could have anyone you wanted.' I know I could, but I've had visions of the over protective control freak brother that I have going thermonuclear on me if I started screwing around with girls. Maybe I should start. No that wouldn't be me; I mean I'm waiting for the right girl to come along. Someone like Hannah, though I've never really thought of her in that way and besides she's been in a long term relationship with the captain of the football team, Jordan, it's been two years or so. Even with my kickboxing skills I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of him.

'I split up with Jordan this week' shocked face. 'He's been pressurising me for a while now about having sex, he's saying everyone's doing it but I didn't feel ready. I know we'd been together two years but I felt he just wasn't the one and I wanted to wait.' Too much information.

Hannah starts to cry, between sobs she tells me that he called her some awful names when they split and was really nasty to her. I sit up and move so that I'm sat behind her and pull her up so she's between my legs. We sit there comfortably just staring at the water. She's still upset, I put her hair in pigtails, it makes me smile when I remember the paint pot incident. Even with the warmth of the sun she shivers. I hug her, kissing the top of her head.

'Matt I think you're the only person I can truly relax and be myself with. You always just accept who I am, I feel totally comfortable here with you now. With Jordan it was like I was putting on a show all the time, it was like he was trying to outdo other people, always wanting to be better than them. What am I going to do, he wants us to get back together but I don't feel I can live like that anymore.'

She's in tears again. She's really cut up about this and I just want to thump him.

'Shhh, it will be OK' I whisper in her ear.

'You spoke' she gulps through her sobs turning to look at me.

'It would appear so.'

'Don't go 'it would appear so on me' , you sound like Christian and you know how he scares me' she replies.

I smile at her 'He scares me as well'

'So, why no words this time?' Hannah asks, she's always been direct and to the point every time the words start again.

I shrug. 'Matthew Grey, do not go back into your silent world on me, there's only so much talking a girl can do with herself!' she says indignantly.

I smile at her 'I had a fight with Christian; he threw me out of his apartment.'

'Apartment, more like fortress in the sky. Seriously you guys had a fight for the first time ever and you don't talk. I fight with my brothers at least once a day' she says.

'He said some really nasty things, it hurt. When he threw me out I ended up at Sea-Tac, just before I bought a ticket his bodyguard came and got me without Christian knowing, he put me in a hotel and two days later I end up back home'

'Oh Matt, are you still hurting?' she asks.

'It's easier with you here' I reply

She hugs me tightly and kisses my cheek, somehow it develops into more. We're kissing properly, like I've never kissed before. We pull apart and just stare at each other.

I speak first 'I'm sorry I should never have taken advantage of you'

'Matt, how did you feel when you were kissing me, I mean really feel, don't go making anything up'

'Like nothing else I have felt before, it felt so good, so natural, made me feel like I've just woken up and everything is too bright, you?'

'Like nothing else I have felt before'

'Never'

'No, not with Jordan, or even the one before him. I'd quite like you to take advantage of me again to make sure I wasn't dreaming'

We kiss again, it deepens. Hannah ends up lying on the grass underneath me. I feel myself grow hard, my erection digging into her, she must feel it to but she just pulls me closer. I pull away and move to lie next to her, my head resting on one elbow I stroke her bare arm as I look into her face.

'Why did you stop?' she asks.

'Because….'

'Because what?'

'Because I might have got carried away and I'm scared what it might do to our friendship'

'Matt you've just ignited feelings in me that I never knew I had, I didn't want you to stop. I've never felt like that before. I love you, I think I always have'

'Wow, I could be saying exactly the same to you, are we meant to feel like this?' I lean down, swooping in for another kiss.

I stop suddenly again, she's sits up and looks at me questionably, I pull her up to her feet and grabbing her hand take her back onto the jetty.

'I'm going to take you out on the rowing boat so that we don't do anything we might regret.' I tell her. She looks hurt. I continue 'We need to talk, and we can't talk if we're lying on the grass together.' I grab the oars and jump into the small boat, then take Hannah's hand to help her in.

'So what do you want to talk about, I'd still rather be lying on the grass with you.'

'I know, but you split up with Jordan a few days ago. I don't want to take advantage of you, if we are going to have a relationship then I want to do it properly, we don't need to rush anything. You've been my best friend since we were five years old, I've never kissed anyone like that before and from the moment my lips touched yours I wanted to make love to you. Both our emotions are all over the place at the moment so I think we should wait.' I pause, look at her intently then continue 'Hannah will you come out on a date with me tomorrow.' She nods shyly 'Good, that's that awkward question out of the way, another first; I've never asked a girl out before'

Grinning she says 'it would have been a first for both of us if we'd got carried away earlier'

'That's why when it happens it's going to be special, totally romantic, all hearts and flowers. Do you want to stay for dinner?'

'Will your mom mind?'

'Of course not she'll be delighted. I have to warn you though, no matter how much we've talked out here once we're back in the house I'll be back to 'no words' otherwise I'll only get question after question about what happened with Christian and I'm still too hurt to share it with them'

'Matt, you really need to get this sorted out with your brother before it gets any worse'

'Believe me, it can't get any worse. What he did has hurt me so much it's going to take an awful lot to get over it. I'm not going back to work for him and having just found out he owns most of Seattle then I'm not sure what I'm going to do for the rest of the summer' Hannah grins wickedly at me. 'Well maybe I can come up with a few ideas!'

I row the boat back to the jetty then help Hannah to climb out. We wander hand in hand back up to the house, stopping in the kitchen to grab some drinks we then sit out on the patio. Mom comes out to see us and I smile at her.

'I thought I heard voices, have you had a good afternoon?' she asks. I nod.

'Would you like to stay for dinner Hannah, it seems a long while since you've been here.'

'That would be lovely Mrs Grey, thank you' Hannah says then looks at me and smiles, I smile back shyly.

'Matthew Grey, what are you not telling me, and why aren't you speaking, even though I've not heard you I saw your lips moving earlier so something must have come out of your mouth' I shrug in a non-committal way. Then I look at Hannah. Mom looks at Hannah and raises her eyebrows as if to question her.

'Mrs Grey, Matthew asked me out on a date and I said yes. He's not speaking now because he's scared you're going to ask him about what happened the other day with Christian and he's still too hurt to talk about it' Hannah direct as ever says.

Mom comes round the table and hugs me 'My darling boy, we'll talk about it only when you are ready to do so. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes; I'll go and warn your father that there's to be no inquisition yet.'

'Thanks mom, I love you' I whisper into her ear. She looks at me with the biggest smile ever.

Dinner is more pleasant than I expected, mom and dad respect my wish not to talk about Christian so we talk about anything but him. Elliot has called from Barbados and is having a fantastic time. Mia is still away with her friends and will return tomorrow so that she can help finish the final preparations for the ball that's taking place here next Saturday. I freeze, mom must notice. She takes my hand, 'Don't worry, if you don't want to go I will understand'

'Its ok mom, I'll have to face him sometime. Hannah have you got plans for next Saturday, would you like to accompany me to the ball' She smiles and nods. 'Good that's sorted, it will be easier with Hannah by my side mom, and it also means I won't have Mia's friends flirting with me and making me feel uncomfortable, especially Lily' I add with a shudder.

When dinners over I borrow mom's car and take Hannah to her house. It takes at least fifteen minutes to say goodbye. I only manage to leave with the promise that I can collect her at 10am in the morning so that we can go to the mall to get her a dress for the ball.

Mom is waiting up for me when I get home.

'How are you feeling? You looked so happy earlier with Hannah'

'Mom, it's all so new, I've never felt like this before. She wants me to sort out all the problems with Christian' I say.

'Sounds like good advice, but we still haven't heard from him. He's making us so cross and frustrated' mom says with a catch in her voice.

'He's emailed me a few times' I tell her and she looks at me hopefully. 'It's too early yet for me to reply, I'm still hurting so much mom'

'Don't rush, just take your time, dad and I will be here if you need us'

With that she hugs me and goes to bed. My emotions are all over the place, joy at what happened with Hannah earlier but still the pain from Christian. I'm too wired to sleep, instead heading to the family room to lose myself in the music on the piano.


	17. Chapter 17-Happy and Sad

Oh no, I'm going to be late. I didn't get to bed until about 2am and now it's just after nine. Mom and dad will have already gone to work and I could have done with a lift. There's a kickboxing trophy on the bedside table. He's been here, in my room. Only he would have left it there. It's his way of letting me know that's he's seen what I did in his room. I shiver, even though it's not cold. I shower, dress and head down the stairs. I haven't got time for breakfast. I don't want to be late for Hannah.

As I open the front door, it's there. Why does he do this, I check my phone as I'd just shoved it in my pocket in my haste. As I thought, there's an email from Christian.

From: Christian Grey

To: Matthew Grey

Subject: Trophies!

Matthew,

So you messed up my stuff, I can understand why. I think I will forgive you on this occasion.

Love bite! On your shoulder, what have you been up to? May I suggest a t-shirt whilst you're in the house with mom.

I came round to drop something of yours off, if you want to use it you'll find what you need in your top drawer.

Take care

Christian

He does care about me and is trying to make amends. I race back up to my room and pull open the drawer. I find what I'm looking for, my car keys next to a packet of condoms. It's the first time my brother has made me smile in five days. I grab the keys, they're just what I need. How did he know, at least now I won't be late for my girlfriend.

I pull up on the drive way, the front door opens and Hannah indicates she'll be five minutes and to come inside. I lock the car and climb the steps; she's just grabbing her bag.

'Good morning' she says brightly

'Good morning yourself' I go to hug and kiss her, wow, this feels so good. My hand moves towards her breast and she lets out a moan whilst she puts her hand on my growing erection. I break off the kiss; take a deep breath to get some precious air into my lungs.

'Let's go, we've got a busy day' I say 'If we stay here any longer we won't leave and I want both of us to be ready when we finally make love'

Hannah pouts at me and says 'I know, I know but this feels so good I've never felt like this before and I just want it all to happen now, you know how impatient I am'

'Well you're going to have to learn to have patience because we are taking this slow. By the way Christian dropped off the car whilst I was sleeping and he saw the love bites on my shoulder, he left me a box of condoms!'

Hannah hits me on the arm playfully 'Really, I didn't think he would approve of you seeing any girl, he's so over protective of you. Elliot I could understand I'm surprised he's not had them queuing at the door for you to take your pick'

I smile at her; until Elliot met Kate he had a different girl almost every week. Mom used to tear her hair out wondering if we would see him with the same girl more than once. On the drive to the Bravern Centre, our local mall we continue the conversation.

Hannah asks 'Do you think Christian has ever had a girlfriend, he's never had his photo in the magazines or newspapers with a date'

'Why do you fancy him?'

'No and don't be silly. I know he's quite good looking and he's your brother but he does scare me.'

'He scares me as well at times. He has got a girlfriend, her names Ana. I met her last week and she's lovely, maybe he'll bring her to the ball. Are we stopping at Neimans first to look for you a dress for Saturday?'

'That would be good though I need to check my bank balance first to see if dads paid in my allowance'

'That's OK I need to check mine as well, Christian paid me for the work I did for him last week but I bet he paid me too much'

'He's spoils you, always has, it's his way of showing he cares. You need to see him soon to sort out the problems you have with each other. Have you emailed or texted him back yet?'

'No I'll do it later, I don't want to spend time thinking about him now and spoil our first date'

We drop the car with the valet and wander hand in hand round the mall to the bank. I check my account first as Hannah is trying to find her wallet in her over filled purse, why do women carry so much in their bags. I almost collapse on the spot, there must be some mistake.

'My brother is so over the top with his generosity, you don't need to check your bank balance I'll be buying everything you need today'

'Matt, Christian paid you for what you worked you don't have to spend that money on me' Hannah says.

'Do you call a hundred thousand dollars the normal rate for three and a half days work' I reply

'Well maybe it is a little over the top, let's stop for coffee first. I think you can afford it'

Coffee, shop. Dress, shoes, matching purse and mask bought for Hannah, new suit, shoes and mask for me. Lunch. Hang out for a couple of hours with some friends we met. Ice Cream. Drive home. One successful first date, we're both so happy and totally relaxed with each other it feels like it's always been like this rather than just one day.

We're at my home again, lying on a picnic rug near the shore. I'm so comfortable lying on my back arm round Hannah, whose hand is softly stroking my chest. My phone vibrates, it's a text from Christian 'Missed you at work today, had a couple of problems that I needed your help with' I sigh; he needs me and misses me.

'Hannah, would you mind if I just gave Christian a quick call?'

'Of course not, take all the time you need, I'll still be lying here waiting for you'

As I dial his number I stand and walk towards the jetty. Much as I want to share everything with Hannah this is one call I would rather make in private.

'Christian Grey's phone, Andrea speaking'

'Hi Andrea, can I speak with Christian please'

'Hi Matthew, Christian has just gone into a meeting and said he wasn't to be disturbed. Can you call him back later?' My heart sinks, it has taken me so long to call and now he's not available.

'Ok, Bye Andrea'

I sit down on the edge of the jetty, lost in thought. Hannah must have been watching me as I feel her arms around me and soon I am lost in her as she kisses me.


	18. Chapter 18-Joy and Tears

'Matthew Grey, what are you doing?' Mia is home and is striding across the grass. I quickly slide my t-shirt back on; I don't want to have to explain to her the marks on my shoulder.

'What does it look like Mia' I say patiently. Grinning at Hannah I get to my feet then drag her to hers. 'Mia, you know Hannah already, we're now going out together'

Mia screams and hugs me 'I'm so happy for you' she says then hugs Hannah as well. 'Does Christian know?' she asks 'You know what he's like with any boy that I bring home, he's bound to be the same with you.' She says to me then turns to Hannah and says 'Even though you've been friends for forever and he's met you loads of times Hannah he'll give you the third degree now you're making out with his baby brother' Hannah grins back at her and replies 'I'll look forward to it'

The three of us walk back up to the patio; Mia's friends are sat at the table with drinks. Hannah and I say hello to be polite and then make a move to head inside, I don't really want to be spending the evening with Mia and her five friends. Mom and dad are at a charity fundraiser tonight so won't be back until later. In the kitchen we make omelettes and salad together-should we feel this normal and relaxed together after such a short time in a relationship. Just as we're finishing eating Mia and her friends come in to find food so we make a hasty retreat to my room. I lock the door and look at Hannah, a small look of fear crosses her face.

'Hey, what's the matter?' I ask her, stroking her cheek.

'We're up here alone and you've just locked the door' she replies.

'That's only so my nosy sister does not come barging in, don't worry I'm not planning on making it the first time tonight, remember I said we were going to take this slow, we've both got to be totally ready for anything more in this relationship and we're not rushing and spoiling the friendship that we already have.

Hannah almost sags with relief and then says ' When we're kissing it feel s so natural and I want you to take it further but then when I stand back and think about it I get scared. When you locked the door I thought that was what you were planning and I felt myself panic. I know I keep giving you all the signals when we're kissing and it would be so easy to get carried away but there's something holding me back. Matt what if I never feel ready?'

I take her in my arms and soothingly say 'Don't worry; we'll cross that bridge if it becomes an issue. Remember it's only been two days, don't feel you have to do anything you don't want at any time.'

We move towards the bed. Kissing me Hannah drags my t-shirt off. It feels so good just to have her hands touching me on my back and chest. I look at her and she seems to understand what I'm asking, she nods shyly and I take off her top and bra. Wow, skin on skin, this just gets better and better. Hannah moans as I move down to kiss her breasts. Playing with the nipple on one with my finger and thumb and having the other between my teeth Hannah writhes beneath me and arches her back 'No' she says and I stop and move back up to kiss her on the lips.

'Are you OK?' I ask her

'Yes, I just felt a strange sensation down there. That's never happened before.'

'Well that's good news' I reply, I'm a bit jealous that Hannah has had a bit of experience with previous relationships but it's good to know it feels different with me.

'Your turn' she says and before I know what's happening I'm underneath her, she starts kissing my chest moving down. She must have undone my trousers without me realising and then she's taken me in her mouth. I feel the sensation building, I want to come but not like this.

'Hannah stop, please before I come' I'm panting and breathless. Hannah does as I ask and moves to lie on my chest.

We lie for a while, me stroking her hair 'Have you done that before?' I ask.

'No, first time, I don't know what made me do it but it just felt right. I like kissing your erection to get you close'

'It worked; I could have come so easily. It felt amazing, I can't describe how good. If we carry on like this I don't know how we're going to stop but we have to learn control. I know you enjoyed what we did but I still don't feel you're ready to go all the way'

'Are you ready?' she asks. I have to think how to answer this carefully; I don't want to upset her by saying 'Yes'

'I'll only be ready when you are baby, we'll be ready together and at the moment we're not. It's too soon for both of us.' She seems satisfied with my answer as I give her a peck on the cheek and make her get dressed again to take away the temptation. Only then do I let her kiss me properly. My phone vibrates; I know who it will be but ignore it. I'll call him back later.

'It's late, I'd better take you home before your mom think's I'm a bad influence on you' I say.

'She already thinks that anyway, the only time I was ever in trouble at school was because you had lead me astray in some way' she replies cheekily.

'Well I'd better start behaving and get in her good books before I have my wicked way with her daughter. Come'

'I'd like to thank you' Hannah is now giggling.

'You are so rude; I'm driving you home now.'

On the journey back to Hannah's home the conversation returns to normality and we plan when we can next meet. Hannah is working tomorrow at her mom's florists; at least I will get time to swim and workout. In the evening Hannah has a gym class booked so Wednesday evening is the next date, I tell her I'll collect her at 7pm but will have a think about what we might do.

After another long goodbye I leave Hannah at her front door with her shopping bags and promise that I'll call her tomorrow. On the drive back home I think about what a good day this has been, the only bad thing in my life at the moment is that I still haven't made contact with Christian.

On entering the house I can hear that Mia is still entertaining as there's lots of girly laughter coming from the kitchen. As I climb the stairs I check my phone, it was Christian earlier as I knew it would be. There are two missed calls, and a voicemail.

He must have left the voicemail when his meeting had finished, he says' Andrea has just told me you called earlier, delighted you have words but absolutely gutted that I missed them, I wouldn't have minded being disturbed to hear your voice, I'll look forward to speaking to you soon, call me back when you can' from the tone of his voice I can tell he cares and wants to talk. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about him. I dial his number, he picks up straight away.

'Hi Matt' he says, I can't answer, there's a huge lump in my throat and nothing will come out.

'Matt, are you OK?' I nod, instantly feeling stupid because he can't see.

'Please speak to me, or I'll come and see you to make sure ok' Christian says, more demanding this time.

'I'm sorry, it hurts so much still' I sob and switch off the phone.

I get into bed, curled into a tight ball under the duvet and cry myself to sleep.


	19. Chapter 19-Issues

Christian has been here again in the night whilst I slept. This time he's left a photo of the two of us in happier times on vacation in Hawaii, both grinning at each other after we emerge from the surf. I feel the threat of tears yet again so I grab my swimming stuff as I need the pool time to clear my thoughts, maybe when I'm calm I'll be able to think about contacting him again.

Mom is about to leave for work as I'm heading out the door.

'Morning darling boy, did you have a good day with Hannah yesterday?' she asks.

'Yes thanks mom, it was fun' I reply, not giving away too much information.

'Mia said that Christian was here last night, did you speak to him? He didn't upset you again did he?' she asks with concern in her voice.

'No mom, I was already asleep. I tried to call him last night but when he answered the phone I was too upset to talk with him. I think he probably came to make sure I was OK.'

'At least you're trying to sort this out and I'm very proud of you for that. I know you want to do this on your own and you might never tell me or your dad what went on last week but remember we are always here for you if you need any help or advice.'

'Thanks Mom' I say as I hug her before she leaves.

I'm at the pool within five minutes as I drive today. It's a lazy swim, up and down, a slow front crawl. It gives me time to think. What is holding me back with Christian? I'm desperate to talk to him, to make sure everything is ok and I'm not just imagining he cares but something keeps stopping me. Then I realise, I need to actually see him. I need to look into his eyes and see for myself that he cares. The last time I saw him those eyes were looking at me with so much hate and that is what is haunting me. Now that I am clear with what I need to do I shower and quickly dress.

I text Hannah before I set off 'Morning, hope you slept well. Will miss you today but will call you later. Have fun at work. Love Mx'

I drive into the city, knowing that even though it's still early Christian will already be at work. I park the car and sit for a moment, taking deep breaths to relax. I'm apprehensive but this needs to be done. I take my security pass from the glove box and make my way to the foyer of Grey House.

The elevator seems to whisk me even quicker today to the twentieth floor and before I know it I'm walking towards the reception desk. Andrea smiles 'Morning Matthew, I wasn't expecting to see you today, Mr Grey is already in a meeting'

'That's ok Andrea I'll wait' I reply brusquely.

As I move towards the white leather chairs I look into the meeting room. Christian looks at the same time and as his eyes meet mine his face splits into a huge grin. He gets up to leave, obviously making his apologies about cutting the meeting short. I turn the other way and go straight into his office, I here Andrea call my name as if she's trying to stop me but Christian then says 'Andrea, it's OK, he's the only person other than Taylor allowed in there without permission. Cancel the rest of the mornings meeting, I'll let you know about this afternoons'

I'm stood by the window; I stare at Christian as he walks towards me. I want to run but that would mean passing close to him. He must see the fear in my eyes as he stops.

'Matt, are you ok being here with me? Do you want to leave?' he asks gently. He knows me so well, probably better than I know myself. I look at his face, it is etched with concern. He's worried how this is going to turn out.

I breathe deeply before I reply 'I'm scared' tears forming in my eyes. He's at my side in an instant and has enveloped me in a hug. I pull away slightly and look him in the eye. You can't mistake the look in his eyes. There's no hate, only love.

As we separate he says 'I'm so sorry for all the hurt and pain I've caused you. Please forgive me.' I smile at him, not trusting myself to speak. He continues 'Do you want to stay and talk, or would you rather come back if this is too difficult?'

'I want to talk' I reply 'but I don't know what to say, it's like all the words are stuck inside me. You were so angry last time I saw you. I'm scared that if I say the wrong thing then you will be angry with me again and I don't think I could cope with that'

He tenses. 'I'm sorry. It's the first time I've felt myself get that mad with you. I know I've shouted at you when you were smaller but it was usually because you annoyed me with all your childish pranks but after a few minutes I would see the funny side and make it up to you. It seemed easier then.'

'I know, perhaps we should talk about it another time when we're totally relaxed with each other rather than worrying about what we're going to say now in case we hurt each other again'

'That sounds like a good idea. So I know you used your car when I left it yesterday, how about the other gift I left you' he says teasingly.

'That's none of your business and I'm surprised you haven't checked control freak that you are'

'I'm just teasing you, and I did check, they are still in the same place, box unopened. So how is Hannah, I've not seen her for a long time' he says grinning. I look at him questionably, he reads my thoughts. 'Of course I know it's her, you were seen at the mall together yesterday and when I came to check on you Mia couldn't keep her mouth shut telling me that she caught the pair of you making out on the jetty. I think she was trying to see what my reaction would be.'

'She's good' I reply bashfully.

'I'm happy for you; I take it you're going to the ball together on Saturday. If you're happy with me going as well I'll question her then about her intentions with my baby bro!'

Smiling I say 'Yes I'm happy for you to go. Mom will be pleased as well. Are you taking Ana?'

His face clouds over and he shrugs. 'She left me on Saturday; I'm hoping to see her Thursday as we were supposed to be going to see her friend's exhibition in Portland together. I need to speak to her and sort out a lot of things in our relationship. Hopefully now we're talking it might make it easier with her. It's been a difficult few days. Do you think you'd ever consider coming back to work here?'

'I don't know, give me a couple of days and I'll let you know. Coming here was one of the things that I needed to do today but with your permission I need to go somewhere else to rid myself of some of the hurt' he looks at me willing me to tell him. 'I need to go to Escala and stand in the great room, so much happened in there on Thursday. First the girl and then you, I need to be there and feel relaxed and happy again before I contemplate what I'm going to do. I'd also like to see Taylor and Mrs Jones to thank them properly for taking care of me.'

'Of course you can go, would you like me to come with you or would you prefer to be on your own'

'I don't mind but if you can spare the time you can come.'

'Of course I can, let's go now' as we leave his office he says to Andrea. 'Cancel all my appointments today, I'll be back tomorrow.'

As we travel in the elevator Christian says 'We'll take your car, Taylor can collect mine later.'

I hand him my cars keys 'Will you drive then, I'm too tense.'

Hand on my shoulder he says 'Matt we will get through this together, I'll always be here for you, are you sure about me driving?' I just hand him the keys.


	20. Chapter 20-Brothers Reunited

As Christian switches the engine on the music bursts into life making him jump. I don't know why I'm smiling he's going to be angry again.

'If I ever catch you driving with the music that loud again I'll rip the speakers out of the car. How can you concentrate with it like that?' he says after he has switched it to quiet.

'Don't be so grumpy, you're worse than dad, Elliot doesn't mind, in fact he has it louder.'

'Since when did you copy what Elliot does, are you going to be a builder like him?' he asks.

'He has his own construction company and he's doing well so maybe. He seems happy with what he's doing.' I reply. Perhaps now isn't the best time to be having this conversation.

'Jeez Matt. Are you trying to make me angry again? You've just been offered a place at Harvard and you're thinking of following Elliot into construction,' he exclaims.

'What's wrong with that, I'm not even sure about going to university. You dropped out, I can still remember how angry dad was with you and mom was so upset. It's not as if you've done badly for yourself. Remember I've looked at your accounts, though to be honest I think you could do better. I don't think some of your investments are making as much profit as they should be.'

Christian looks at me almost shocked 'You've worked for me less than a week and you can already tell that. I know you worked the Edwards issue out pretty quick but are you some sort of genius with figures. Maybe you should skip university and come and work for me?'

'I like looking at figures and spread sheets, they're fun and math isn't hard is it? Besides I might have to graduate just to go one better than you, I've always pushed myself to be like you but you've always had the edge over everything. Perhaps mom would like a son who graduates'

'Mom will like you whatever you do, why do you doubt that?'

As we pull into the garage at Escala I go silent and don't answer immediately, then as Christian switches the engine off I whisper 'You know why'

Christian holds my shoulder with one hand and tips my chin up with the other so that I'm looking into his eyes that are full of compassion. 'I thought we got over that issue a long time ago'

I shrug and turn away to open the car door. We travel in the elevator in silence, then we're stood together in the great room. Christian looks at me, waiting for me to make the first move. I go straight to the piano and start to play. Christian leaves me to it; he probably understands the piano playing better than anyone else in the family as this is what he needs at times as well. The tunes vary today between sad and angry, eventually they become calmer then happier. It's only then that I feel Christian's presence and once again we play together side by side.

As we go to the kitchen to get some juice, Taylor and Mrs Jones return from the supermarket. Mrs Jones hugs me; Christian looks on with bemusement as Taylor smiles.

'It's so lovely to see you again here' she says. 'I saw your car in the garage but didn't expect you as well. Are you staying for lunch?' I look at Christian and he nods so I reply 'that would be good Mrs Jones, any chance of my favourite?'

'Is that OK with you Mr Grey?' she asks and he raises an eyebrow so she says 'Lasagne and salad, tomato ketchup on the side is currently top of the list.' He laughs and replies 'That's good for me but without the ketchup.'

I then thank Mrs Jones and Taylor for taking good care of me last week but they wave me away almost embarrassed saying 'Anytime'. Christian and I take our juice to the TV room and settle next to each other on the sofa. Christian switches on the television but only as background noise. It worked last week in here as we chatted and I think this is why Christian has brought me in here again so that I'm relaxed as we talk.

'Christian, how did you know I was at the mall with Hannah yesterday? I know you can track my phone and car but how did you know it was her?'

'Mrs Lincoln saw you and called to say you were with a girl, she has just opened up one of our spa's there. Barney then looked at the CCTV and sent me an image of the pair of you so I could see for myself who you were with.'

'Oh, will you always have people reporting to you what I'm up to whilst I'm in Seattle?' I ask.

'Only the people that work for me' he grins.

'But that's most of the city so I'll have to find a company that you don't own or move away.'

'Most companies in the city are glad to be connected to GEH. There's only one company that won't let me have any shares or let me invest anything. It's protected from any outside money investing in it, yet it is hugely profitable throughout the world.'

'Do you find that frustrating that you can't invest in it and tap into their profits?'

'Yes, but I respect the executives at the company for keeping it like that, they won't let me in but it also means they won't let anyone else in.' he says. I frown at him not understanding why he respects them and then he says 'Dad will explain it to you one day.' I don't have time to think about his comment because he changes the subject and goes direct to the point from earlier. 'So the issues are still there about mom?'

'Yes, I don't know why they still surface after all these years. I know she loves me but I just feel a burden on the family, she got to choose you, Elliot and Mia but she didn't have much choice with me, my parents die and all of a sudden she has another child to look after.'

'But Matt she never missed any chapter of your life, she went through the pregnancy with your mommy, she was the one who delivered you when you arrived two weeks early at home, she saw you almost every day until you came to live with us. You were already a huge part of our lives before the accident, I think having you there made mom's life easier because she had just lost her best friend.' I gulp; no-one had explained it like that before. Christian continues, 'In fact you probably made all our lives easier because we were all so focused on looking after you and making sure you were OK that it helped the grieving process for all of us. Your mommy and daddy were like our extended family, mom and dad kept us on a pretty tight leash especially me with all my anger issues but your parents were there to support me, giving me somewhere to go to take time out and they listened. They were great fun to be around as well. When they were killed I'd just had my fifteenth birthday but I went pretty much off the rails, I kept that hidden from you but I was drinking heavily and getting into fights at school and even got expelled from a couple. I think that's why I've been so strict and controlling with you throughout so teenage years. I don't want you making the same mistakes that I did. It's one of the reasons I lost it with you last week, I'd warned you about staying away from Olivia but you still defied me.'

I don't think Christian has opened up to me like this before, but it's what I need to hear. I know my family love me but hearing why makes it easier on my conscience that I'm not a burden to them.

'Christian, who was the girl last week? Mrs Jones seemed to know her.'

'She was an ex of mine from about three years back'

'You had an ex, but I thought Ana was your first girlfriend.'

'I've had a few girls but Ana is the first one I'm serious about, if she'll have me back that is. I'm happy that you're with Hannah though; you've known her for ages. Don't ruin the friendship you have if you're just going to play around.'

'Oh Mr Control Freak is back, I didn't know you'd played around with a few girls, I thought that was Elliot's department. I don't intend to play around, I'd thought I'd model myself on you and wait for the right girl to come along before asking her on a date.' Christian has a coughing fit. I ask 'Are you OK?' he nods so I continue. 'Everything just feels so right with Hannah; I feel relaxed, comfortable and can be myself because she knows me so well'

'So the condoms will come in useful any day soon then' Christian teases.

'I've told you that it's none of your business, you and Elliot might have talked about that sort of stuff when you were my age but I'm not sharing this with either of you. It's between the two of us and will remain like that, the only thing I will tell you is that it won't be soon as we're taking this relationship slowly, I'd already decided that I didn't want to ruin the friendship before you even warned me.'

'Listen to you taking control and telling me what for, I'm not sure I like this role reversal. You are so much stronger as a person than you were two weeks ago.' He says.

'I know' I say as I go to wrestle him putting a halt to the conversation. We end up kickboxing, I'm on form today and Christian can't get me down, he ends up on the floor quite a few times. He looks like he's getting angry and then Mrs Jones appears shouting 'Boys that's enough its lunchtime'

We grin at each other, then Christian in an amused voice says 'Boys! Gail. I'm your boss'

'Well act like it then instead of rolling around on the floor like a ten year old' she says and Christian laughs out loud and she adds to him 'I'm glad you two are friends again, this is a much happier home when Matthew is here.'

'


	21. Chapter 21-More Conversation

As we eat lunch the relaxed conversation continues.

'Shall we surprise mom and dad and have dinner at Bellevue tonight?' Christian asks.

'That would be good; mom will be delighted to see you. She knows I won't speak about last week, Hannah told her that if they questioned me I'd go back to being without words. They've respected my wishes so far but dad might have you in his study for a telling off and trying to get info.'

'I can cope with that. I'll tell Taylor and Mrs Jones they can have the rest of the day off, we can spend quality time together, we've got some catching up to do. Are you meant to be seeing Hannah today?'

'No I'm seeing her tomorrow evening at seven, though I've got to think about where to take her on a date yet.' I reply

'Ok how about after dinner tonight you come back here then we can shoot some pool and have a couple of beers. I'm hoping to see Ana on Thursday so I might be busy for a few nights after that, we'll have some catching up to do then!' he grins at me.

'Too much information, I don't want to know. I'm not interested in your sex life and you won't be knowing about mine either! ' I exclaim.

'Ok I get the picture, but remember even if I'm busy with Ana I'll always have time for you. It's not every day I have to fly over two thousand miles to check my little brother is alright after an ex of mine goes postal on him'

'Hmm, but you can't put me first all the time. Christian if I did go into construction with Elliot would you be really angry? I ask him, I figure he's quite relaxed at the moment so I can ask him anything.

'No, I'm proud of what Elliot does, but you have this amazing brain that can glance at a spread sheet and know something's not right, you're quick thinking, and really intelligent and would do well working with me or setting up your own business.'

'I know but sometimes I look at what Elliot does and it must be hugely satisfying to start off with a hole in the ground and a few months later there's a beautiful house that is all your own work.' I reply.

'When he gets back from his vacation why don't you work with him for a bit to see if you enjoy it then. I'd be really jealous though if that's what you decided to do, I enjoy having you work for me. If you want to build things you could always work in my ship yard.'

'I'll think about it, shall we head up to Bellevue now, we can take out the boat cruiser this afternoon, I can grab some clothes and then we can get back here straight after dinner, for beers and pool.'

'Sounds like a good plan, though I wouldn't mind stopping at the electrical store on the way. I'd quite like to look at ipads if that's ok.' He says.

'That's cool, I might buy one as someone was over generous with the wages they paid me for last week' I say cheekily.

He grins, then grabs some car keys. Christian ends up buying three ipads, his, mine and Ana's. He wouldn't let me pay. We then drive to Bellevue, there's no-one home so we head straight to the boathouse to get the cruiser out. It feels good to be back out on the water again. Christian doesn't mind sailing mom and dad's boats with any of us but he won't take us on the water in his, preferring to sail that one alone.

As we cruise back into the boathouse I see mom, dad and Mia are sat on the patio. They wave and then walk down the garden to meet us. Mom is ecstatic that we're friends again and that we're both staying for dinner. Mia and mom go to cook dinner and dad disappears into his study so Christian follows him, obviously so that they can have a conversation about last week.

I go upstairs, I want some privacy to call Hannah, I've sent her a few texts throughout the day but haven't heard anything back yet. I leave a voicemail as there's no reply, she must be on her way to the gym class.

Christian knocks on my door and enters; dad wants to see me in his study now. 'Was it that bad?' I ask.

'Yeah, he's pretty pissed with me right now; I don't know how he can make me feel like this when I'm twenty seven years old. If it wouldn't upset mom so much I'd probably be heading straight to Escala. Hopefully dinner will be over quickly, do you still want to come with me.'

'Yes I think we need to escape. Is he going to get cross with me?' I ask. Christian shrugs his shoulders and says 'Hopefully not, I told him you weren't to blame in anyway and that I totally over reacted. He's mad about the fact that mom was distraught with our falling out.'

'Well I'd better get this over with.' I say and descend the stairs and knock on the study door. Christian might have tried to take all the blame but dad is still furious with me. He's shouting now, I thought Christian had a temper but dad has one to rival it but it doesn't make an appearance very often.

'What were you thinking when you were heading for the airport. How would that have made your mother feel, she was distraught enough as it was but if you'd gone to the other side of the country you would have broken her heart. I can't believe how inconsiderate you were to her feelings. She is always there for you when you need her and you were just going to leave, did you not think how this would affect the family or were you just thinking of yourself' he vents.

'Dad stop, do you not think he's been through enough without you having a go at him as well. This isn't going to make the situation any better.' Christian shouts back. He has entered dad's study without permission to stand up for me. I look at him with alarm on my face. I can't think in here so do the only thing that does come to mind and leave.

'Matthew.' Dad shouts, at the same time that Christian softly says 'Matt.'

Shit, I have left the study without permission. I don't care though as I pass through the kitchen and into the back yard. Taking precious lungful's of air to try and stay relaxed and stop the tears I walk down to the jetty. I sit there on my own hugging my knees as my chin rests on them. I'm sat staring at the water when I hear someone behind me on the jetty.

'Matt, I'm sorry. I would never have let you go in there if I'd have known dad was going to be that cross with you. I thought he'd used up all his anger with me and I just took it so that you wouldn't have to go through it as well. When I heard he was still angry I couldn't help myself but to come to your aid. I've put you through enough this last five days without dad adding to it. It got quite heated in there after you left' Christian says. I look at him; his gray eyes have the lost hurt look that must mirror mine. He puts his arm across my shoulder and I rest my head on it.

'It's OK Christian; it's not your fault. You can't always protect me, and dad's right maybe I wasn't thinking straight and didn't consider mom's feelings. Did mom hear any of it? She'll be distraught again. Maybe it would have been best if Taylor hadn't found me and I'd just gone. I'm no good for this family.'

'Hey little bro, after everything we've talked about today don't start with this now. Mom is upset but she'll get over it. She's not cross with us as we've worked out our differences, she's mad with dad because she'd told him not to get involved unless one of us asked him to. She also said that she'd understand if we didn't stay for dinner as the atmosphere round the table might not be too great. I'll go with whatever you want to do.'

'I'd rather go back to Escala with you, but I want to see mom before we go if that's OK. I don't want to see dad, I have no words for him.' I say sadly.

'That's a big improvement; you're picking and choosing who you have words for now.' He says which makes me smile. 'Shall we go up to the house now, we can see mom, grab some stuff for you and then go, Mia might want to say goodbye as well.'

I slip up to my room to collect my things; I hear part of mom and dad's conversation.

'Carrick, the boys had sorted out their differences you should have just left it.'

'I know, but they hurt you, they need to think about their actions.'

'But now we're all hurting again, you're always so much tougher on Matt than the others'

'It's because...…...'

I stop not hearing the rest of dad's reply; I go to mom and hug her.

'I'm so sorry mom, this is all my fault, I'll go with Christian now but will think about what I'm going to do, I don't want to cause any more pain to you or the rest of the family.'

I just look at dad and leave, passing Christian in the doorway as I head up the stairs. I sit on the edge of the bed, then slowly gather some things together that I'll need for a couple of days. Christian is hoping to see Ana on Thursday so that gives me tomorrow to sort stuff out.

Mom and Christian are talking quietly in the hallway as I descend the stairs, dad is no-where to be seen but he'll probably be in his study. I hug mom again.

'You don't need to go.' She says with tears in her eyes.

'Mom I think we all need a bit of space tonight, I'll call you tomorrow. I'll be with Christian and he won't let me out of his sight so I can't do anything stupid. I love you' I say before kissing her cheek and going to the car. Christian says his goodbyes and then is by my side.

'I'll drive.' he says. I don't argue; glad to just sit in the passenger seat with my thoughts.


	22. Chapter 22-Rich

'Do you want to talk?' Christian asks as he drives us to Escala.

'Yes, I overheard part of mom and dad's conversation. Mom said that dad is much tougher on me than you, Elliot and Mia. Do you know why? I ask him.

'I have an idea but he's never really said much about it. You'll have to ask him but I think it might be something to do with your daddy. They were great friends, they bonded immediately the first time they met and were like brothers. They spent a lot of time with each other, even when your mommy and daddy lived in London for a while they still met a few times a year for vacations. Remember they were friends even before Elliot came on the scene. They were even best man for each other at their weddings. We always think that mom lost her best friend but dad lost his too. With the three of us no matter what life mom and dad gave us it was better than the one that we would have had, but with you there's a huge responsibility to bring up your best friends child hoping that you're doing a good enough job for them.'

There are tears in my eyes and I gulp trying hard to not let them spill out.

'Talk to dad about it, he'll probably be calm now and regretting getting angry with you. Even though it seems he is tougher on you it always makes him feel guilty afterwards. Mia and I always knew that and would make a point of asking for things he would normally have said no to.'

Christian turns and smiles at me 'We're here now; I've got a couple of calls to make seeing as I've missed work today. Can you entertain yourself for an hour or so?'

'Yes I'll cook dinner seeing as you can't.' I reply with a cheeky smile. That is one thing I can do that Christian can't – cook!

Christian is still in his study and dinner is almost ready, my phone vibrates and its Hannah calling.

'Hi' I say

'Hi, have you had a good day?'

'Very good thanks. I'm friends with Christian again; in fact I'm at his apartment now. He knows we're together and is happy for us. How was your day at the florists? I missed you'

'OK, mom took my phone off me so I couldn't text whilst I was working. I'm glad Christian is happy for us but my mom is furious, that's another reason why she took the phone so I couldn't contact you.'

My heart almost stops but I manage to stammer 'Why?'

'Because when we were at school the amount of trouble we were always in together, she thinks you're a bad influence on me. She wants me to stop seeing you.' She adds.

Shit, breathe deeply and think what to reply. 'Hannah, is that what you want as well. All the trouble at school was usually harmless mischief because we were bored and I think the last time we were really in trouble we were about twelve.'

'Matt if I didn't see you it would break my heart. I love you and even after our few kisses I can't imagine being with anyone else.' She whispers.

Relief washes over me 'Oh Hannah I feel the same. Can I still see you tomorrow, what time do you finish work at?'

'Yes you can and I finish at 3pm'

'OK, I'll come and collect you from work instead of waiting until the evening if that's ok, I better come and introduce myself to your mom, she might feel happier when she sees me and that I'm more mature than I was six years ago!'

'That would be good, I'll see you at three tomorrow, love you, bye.'

'Love you too, laters baby!'

Christian is on his way out of the study when I finish the call. 'Hannah?' he asks.

'Yes, her mom's furious that's she's going out with me. Apparently I'm a bad influence.' I reply.

Christian bursts out laughing. I add 'Well I'm glad you find it funny!'

'It is, you might have had the mischief in you when you were younger but you've changed so much, you couldn't be a bad influence on anyone no matter how hard you tried. Is dinner ready? I'm hungry.'

As we sit and eat Christian tells me that he phoned mom, dad has calmed down and is as predicted feeling guilty now. They want to come and see us; Christian has suggested breakfast tomorrow as he can't skip another full day at work because of some meeting he needs to attend.

'You have to be happy to see them though Matt otherwise they can come another time, they both start work at lunchtime so you'll be here on your own with them for a couple of hours because I have to leave at 9, but dad wants to talk to you. It won't be a telling off kind of talk, I think it's a serious type, about your future and some things he should have spoken about a long time ago. Even though I'm at work I will come back if you need me, remember I'll always be there for you, OK.'

''OK.' I reply, I might as well get it over with sooner rather than later.

With dinner finished we go to the balls room with a beer, Christian is back on form and I can't win.

'You need to sleep, I've got a few things to sort out so will see you in the morning. I'll tell mom and dad to be here about 7.30'

I go to bed but just before I switch off the light I text Hannah 'Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, hopefully I can convince your mom I'm good for you. Sleep well baby, Love Mx'

She replies instantly 'Can't wait, Love you Hx'

I smile as I drift off to sleep.

The next morning Christian and I are up early, sat at the breakfast bar drinking juice as mom and dad arrive. Mom hugs me whilst dad stands back, as mom hugs Christian dad moves towards me, apologising for getting so angry with me yesterday. I just smile at him not sure how to reply. I'm quite nervous about having to chat with him after we've eaten.

Mrs Jones has prepared the food so we all move to sit at the table to eat. Dad and Christian talk business which I only half listen to whilst I talk to mom, I find myself telling her about Hannah's mom but she tells me not to worry about her as she's sure I'll win her round. Apparently Hannah's parents will be at the ball on Saturday so they'll see how much I've changed then.

When we have finished eating dad asks if I want to go and talk now. I nod. As we approach Christian's study door I hesitate, Christian must see as he says

'Actually dad you might be better with Matt in the TV den, he's more relaxed in there and I find it's easier for him to listen and speak rather than sat on opposite sides of a desk. You'll get more out of him that way'

Dad looks at me, an eye brow raised as if to question me, I nod. He changes direction and we head towards the comfy sofa in the TV room. As dad starts to talk I can hear Christian playing relaxing music on the piano.

'Matthew I have spoken to Christian and he tells me you've been asking quite a few questions about your mommy and daddy and why I appear to be tougher on you, is that correct.'

I look at him and nod, so he continues.

'Your daddy was like a brother to me, we did so much together. Days out, holidays, relaxing at each other's homes. We even did a lot of business together; we helped each other out a lot. There wasn't a day went by when we didn't speak to each other. When he died I felt like part of me had died to, but I had to think of you and how best I could bring you up to be a credit to him, which you are, he would have been so proud of you. I don't mean to be tougher on you than the others when I'm handing out a punishment or getting angrier with you than I would them but when I see you standing on the other side of my desk it's as if I'm getting angry for him as well. All I can see is your daddy stood there, you are so like him, and I just get angrier because it hurts that he's not still here'

I gulp, I hadn't really considered dad's feelings before and didn't realise that he was hurting still.

'There's a lot more I need to tell you but I need to ask you some questions first, ok' he waits for my nod before continuing ' What do you plan to do when you finish school next year?

'I'm not sure yet, Christian has said I can work for him wherever I want, even building boats if that will make me happy' dad looks at me questionably 'I thought I might want to build houses like Elliot but Christian said he would be jealous so suggested I should build boats instead, you know how controlling he is.'

Dad smiles and asks 'Have you thought about whether you might like to go to university.'

'Sort of, though I'm not sure what I'd want to study, Harvard has already offered me a place in business law and economics.' Dad looks shocked 'they wanted me to start this September but I didn't feel like I was ready so that's why I opted to do another year at school. I'd quite like to do something with music, though I'm not sure what yet.'

Dad is still smiling at me and then says 'And your relationship with Hannah is that serious?'

'I'd like it to be, I just feel so happy and relaxed with her, she feels the same but we are just taking things slow and seeing how it develops at the moment, we don't want to ruin the good friendship that we already have.'

'That sounds like you're being sensible. Right I'm ready to tell you the rest of the news that I have for you, some of it might shock you. It's sooner than I expected because I wanted you to have more of an idea about what you wanted to do rather than be pushed in a certain direction just because you thought that was expected of you. Christian has a bit of an idea of what I'm about to tell you but not all the details and that's only because of his business and how he deals with taking others over. Are you ready to hear this?' I nod.

'Your parents were very wealthy; they had properties all over the world, here obviously, which was your family home. A house in London, apartments in Paris, New York, Sydney, a villa in Spain and a vacation home in Hawaii. That's seven in total and they all belong to you. 'I look at him gobsmacked as he pauses for breath and then continues. 'The music company with its headquarters in Seattle that is the biggest in the world, that's yours as well.'

'The one Christian couldn't invest in?' I question

'The very same.' Dad replies and smiles.' Nobody can do anything with that at the moment, the executives there were in place when your daddy was alive, he trusted them and they would do anything for him, they won't have anyone come in and take over. They consult with me a few times a year so that I know where the company is heading. Christian found out that I had overall control so questioned me about it but I only gave the bare details.'

Dad looks at me 'Shall I continue?' he asks

'I'm shocked already but there's more?' I question.

'Yes, the private jet, boat as big as Christians, helicopter, I think that's where Christian got his love for all those things from as he was close to your daddy. They were all sold though but the money was put in a trust fund for you to purchase more up to date models. They also invested money wisely and you probably have as much business in Seattle as Christian does. You also have a serious mount of money in a bank account. I was acting as a lawyer for your daddy when the will was drawn up and we agreed that you could do nothing with any of it until you were at least 21 but I have to right to extend that to 25 if I think it's necessary. But Matthew you will be seriously rich when you reach 21. This is why your mom and I and later Christian have been so over-protective of you, do you understand?'

'Yes, but I don't have to even take it in and think about it for at least another three years and we don't have to tell anyone about it all. I can just carry on as normal.'

'That's one way of putting it I suppose.' He says. 'I'm here to talk to you about any aspects of it all whenever you want, and I can show you anything to do with the business or investments should you want to look over the figures, Christian says you're good with them. Your mom is the one that knows more about the properties, she has all the details and photos if you want to see. Again with those they become yours when you are 21 to do with as you wish but you can use to live in or have vacations in until then.'

'What about you and mom, did you get anything?'

'We got to see our best friends little boy grow up and it has been an absolute pleasure, we couldn't be more proud of you.' He says with tears in his eyes.

I hug him, 'Thanks dad, I love you.'

We go and find mom, she's on her own in the kitchen as Christian has gone to work. After more hugs she asks if I am ok with everything. I nod before replying

'Well I'm OK for the next three years but after then it might be a different story, thank you for everything you and dad have done, I love you both so much''


	23. Chapter 23-Trust

Mom and dad have both gone to work. I am left alone in Christian's penthouse. I go into the TV room as this is where I'm most comfortable, and stretch out on my front the length of the sofa. I can hear my blackberry vibrating, but it's on the dining table. The phone in Christian's study rings but I can't be bothered to move. I've got question upon question whirling around in my head. All I know is that I can't tell anyone about it until I feel comfortable with it myself.

'Matthew are you OK?' I hear Mrs Jones ask. 'Mr Grey has phoned and asked me to come and check up on you. He's worried something was wrong.'

'I'm fine thank you Mrs Jones; I suppose I'd better call him.' I say as I look at my watch. 'I'll call him from the car, I've got to be somewhere in forty minutes'

I jump up and go to find my wallet, keys and phone then say goodbye to Mrs Jones before heading to the elevator.

Driving to Bellevue I'm lost in thought, I really need to speak to dad again, I call him, luckily he's just finished in court and is on his way back to his office.

'Hi dad, I've got lots of questions to ask you.' I say.

'I thought you might, you were so quiet earlier I knew that you'd be thinking things through.'

'Dad you know how I am with change and that I don't like it. When are you finished work today?'

'I should be finished about 6pm but then I'm out with your mom to help finalise some details for Saturday. I'm working in my office tomorrow morning and you're welcome to meet me there if you want, I'm not due in court until midday.'

'Thanks dad, I'll drop by your office in the morning, but I just need to confirm now does anyone apart from you and mom know about all of this?' I ask.

'No, it was only ever the two of us, Christian thinks he has a few ideas especially about the music business but he doesn't know the extent of everything else.'

'OK, thanks dad. I'll see you in the morning.'

Next I call Christian, he answers after the first ring.

'Matt, are you OK? I've been worried about you'

'Yes I'm fine; sorry I didn't call earlier I had a lot to think about. I'm just on my way to collect Hannah.'

'How was your chat with dad?'

'Good, I learnt a lot, he told me lots of things about my daddy so I understand more now. Christian can I come back and work for you?' I ask.

'Of course, when do you want to start?'

'Friday, though I might come tomorrow afternoon if I have time but I just have to sort some things out.'

'That's good with me; I'm delighted that you're coming back.'

'Thank you, did you arrange to meet with Ana?'

'Yes, I'm taking her to her friend's exhibition tomorrow evening. Where are you staying tonight, Escala or Bellevue?'

'I'm not sure yet. I'm just at Hannah's work now so I'll call you later to let you know.'

'Ok, bye.'

I enter the florists; Hannah must be out the back somewhere as her mom is serving a customer. I look at some of the beautiful arrangements whilst I wait for her to finish wrapping the customer's bouquet and then she turns her attention to me.

'Can I help you?' she asks.

'Hello Mrs Sullivan.' I say, as she stands and stares, mouth gaping. I'm getting used to this now, people staring but I'm not entirely comfortable with it.

She finds her voice again. 'Matthew, how lovely to see you. You've changed so much, I hardly recognised you.'

'Mrs Sullivan, it's lovely to see you as well. I've come to collect Hannah for a date. I understand you're not overly happy with her seeing me but please give me a chance, I love your daughter and would anything for her but I don't want to cause any friction between the two of you and would rather have your blessing to see her.'

'Thank you Matthew, I appreciate that you have come and spoken to me, I'm just a worried mom. Every time Hannah has been in trouble at school it was because you were involved. I'd quite like the last year at school to be trouble free where I'm not being called into the office every few weeks to hear what mischief the pair of you have been up to. It's an important year for both of you, especially if you're thinking of university.'

'I know, we haven't been up to much mischief these last few years, I think I drove my parents mad when they were getting phone calls every week for something I'd done. I have changed though and my parents would come down on me like a tonne of bricks now, if they didn't then my brother would, I can't get away with anything.'

'I'm glad to hear that. OK you have my blessing, you can date my daughter. I'm very happy that you have come to speak to me about it. Have fun this afternoon.

'Thank you Mrs Sullivan.' I reply, very pleased and proud of myself for having won Hannah's mom round. I've seen Christian often enough charm people to do what he wants so thought I would copy him.

Hannah appears from the back room, she must have heard the end of our conversation. She smiles shyly at me. 'Have fun Hannah, I will see you later tonight' Mrs Sullivan says.

I take her hand and after saying our goodbyes we head to the car. I open the passenger door and as she gets in I kiss her whispering in her ear 'You look beautiful.'

'Matthew Grey, you are so charming, first mom and now me. How do you get away with it?'

I shrug shyly, then go to the driver's side. As we drive back into the city, Hannah asks where we're going. I tell her it's a surprise; I know she will kick up a fuss when we get there. The beauty of being friends for so long is that we know pretty much everything about each other. As I hand my car over to the valet Hannah has gone quiet.

'Hey baby, what's up?'

'You seriously brought me here on a date, we came here on a school trip in 4th grade and you know how I freaked out.' She says.

'I know, that day the teachers wouldn't let us be partners because of something we'd done the day before so I couldn't look after you, but now I can. Ever since then you say you have a fear of heights but I want to help you conquer that fear. Please come with me, if it's that bad once we're up there I promise we can come straight back down.' I kiss her and plead 'Please, for me.'

'Oh Matt, you really are charming me today. OK, I'll give it a go but only because it's you.'

'Come on let's go before you change your mind.'

I pay and we wait for the elevator, luckily it's not too busy today. As we enter I pull Hannah towards me and hug her 'Stay close to me and look at my chest then you won't know how high we are' I tell her. She hugs me back but I can feel she is tense. Forty three seconds later, we are here on the observation deck at the Space Needle. Hannah tentatively steps out, and I am by her side. We don't go too close to the window, just hanging back towards the wall.

'Breathe Hannah, you're doing well.' I say and kiss her gently on the cheek. After gently coaxing her to walk around a bit we eventually end up a bit nearer to the window.

'Wow Matt, this is amazing. The view is incredible, thank you so much for bringing me here.' We stay for a few hours, holding the rail Hannah is so brave now and wants to see everything like a small excited child, even looking through the telescopes and telling me all the places she can see.

'Let's go eat' I say 'Do you want to stay here in the rotating restaurant or would you prefer to go somewhere else nearer ground level?'

'Here' she smiles 'it's just perfect here'

We go and eat and once again we are totally relaxed which each other.

'Matt, why did you decide to bring me here on a date when you know I've always had a fear of heights.'

'Because I wanted you to trust me, if you can trust me with this then you will be able to with other things.' I say, looking at her my eyes must be smouldering.

Hannah blushes and says 'So the other day you were ready to make love but you made out it was too soon.'

'Yes, but Hannah if you're not ready to then neither am I really. We both have to want this and be ready together. I can wait until you are ready because I certainly don't want to put any pressure on you.'

'I want to but something stops me going the whole way. I don't want to lose you though.'

'See you're putting the pressure on yourself now, you will not lose me. I will wait a lifetime for you if that's what it will take. I love you Hannah, and I won't rush you.'

'Thank you, I love you too.'

As I drive Hannah back to her parents' home she turns up the volume for the music, I automatically turn it back down.

'Since when did you have quiet music in the car?' she asks.

'Since Christian went thermonuclear on me and threatened to rip out the speakers.' I reply, grinning at her.

'Do you always do what Christian wants?'

'It's easier that way.' I reply.

'But Matt, you're your own person; you have to live how you want not how your brother wants you to. He has so much control over you.'

'I don't see it like that, he cares about me. He offers me guidance so that I don't make mistakes that I might regret.'

'How do you know they will be mistakes that'll you'll regret if you never get chance to make them.'

'Fair point, well made' I quip

'You even sound like him.'

'What's wrong with that?'

'Nothing' Hannah replies sullenly.

'Are we having our first disagreement after only four days?' I ask.

She smiles and then giggles. 'No, not really. Oh good we're here, you can kiss me properly now.' And with that I lose myself in her kisses. I am desperate for more but am aware about not pressurising her and also that her parents will be behind the closed front door.

After saying a final goodbye, I arrange to see her tomorrow evening and then get in the car. I quickly call Christian as I drive away.

'Hi Matt' he says cheerfully.

'Hi Christian. I've just finished my date with Hannah. Is it too late to crash at yours tonight, I've got to meet dad at his office tomorrow so it means I won't be rushing in the morning.'

'Yes that's good; I'll see you in twenty minutes.'

Christian hands me a beer as I enter the great room.

'Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?' I ask.

'I have got meetings booked all afternoon and then I'm flying Ana down to Portland in Charlie Tango. Why?'

'As I said earlier I'm meeting dad in the morning and then I was going to come and see you in the afternoon if you had any time in your schedule.'

'Matt I've always got time for you, I'll get Andrea to cancel some of my appointments, is it not something we can talk about now?'

'No, I've got to look at something first and then I'll meet you at your office, I have some things that I want to discuss with you.'

'You're not being very forthcoming with any details here, you know how I like to know things and not be kept in the dark' he mutters.

'Don't sulk, I haven't got the full picture myself yet so can't tell you something I don't know.'

'Ok, let's go and shoot some pool before we go to bed. I'll email you tomorrow to confirm the time but it will probably be about 3pm if that's ok with you.'

'That sound good, are we playing pool for money tonight, I feel you're on for a thrashing.'

'Does that mean your date with Hannah went well?'

'Well she trusts me now so things are moving forwards.' I grin

'Well if you need any advice let me know, by the way, Space Needle, how romantic. Maybe I will copy you and take Ana on a date there.' He says teasingly

'Will I ever get any privacy' I moan

'Hmmm, let me see, no!' he replies and sets up the balls.


	24. Chapter 24-Business

By the time I wake up and go to the kitchen on Thursday morning Christian has already left for work. Mrs Jones is still in the kitchen and proceeds to make me an omelette and some fruit for breakfast. After I have eaten I shower, dress and then go to get my car in the garage. I want to be at dad's office for 9am.

Making my way through the morning traffic different questions keep popping into my head, I should have started to write them down, the list is endless. Arriving at the building where dad works I find a parking space then enter the building. Dad is waiting in the reception for me and escorts me to his office.

'Morning Matthew, I knew you would be early so thought I'd wait for you.'

'Morning dad.' I say as we sit down. 'I don't know where to start, there seems to be so much that I want to ask you.'

'Fire away, start where you want. I'll answer everything as best as I can. If I don't know the answer then I will find out for you.'

'Does anyone in the music business know who I am so that if I wanted to work there I could do so without anyone realising who my daddy was?' I ask.

'Only the four executives know who you are, but that wouldn't be a problem. You have already met them on a number of occasions without realising who they are; in fact they will probably be at the ball on Saturday. Remember they were your daddy's friends; they will protect you like they have the company all these years so if you want to work in any of the departments anonymously it won't be an issue.' He smiles at me as he replies.

'When you said everything would be mine at 21 but you could extend that until the age of 25 if you feel I'm not ready, could I have a say in that so if you think I'm ready but I don't could we mutually agree to make the age 25. If I decided to go to university then I won't finish the course until I'm 23 and then I still might not be ready to handle everything.'

'Don't worry, we'll take it all one step at a time, even if we decided it was 21 it wouldn't happen overnight that you had all the control. The people that are in place now that are dealing with all of this are more than likely able to continue and they will be there to advise and help you. In effect they have been employed by you over the years to keep things going and they can keep doing that. If you decided you didn't want to have anything to do with any of the companies they would carry on as normal making you money whilst you pursue what you want to do. That was why I said I didn't want to tell you too soon, I wanted you to establish yourself doing what you want rather than what is expected.'

'Can I see where they invested money?'

'Yes, I have a list in the filing cabinet; I'll get it out for you.' He moves to do that now as I continue the questioning.

'Have I visited any of the properties that are now mine?'

'Well obviously you lived in the Bellevue house, we all went together to vacation in Hawaii, Sydney, Paris and London, there will be photos somewhere of us all on that trip. You would have been about three. I'm not sure about the apartment in New York or the Spanish villa, but mom will know.'

'I don't remember,' I say, looking dad in the eye I feel the tears building up in mine.

'If this is too upsetting we can continue another time. I'll also get mom to look out all the old albums so that you can look at the photos.'

'That would be good, and I want to continue, I want to learn more but also want to ask your advice. I'm going to meet Christian this afternoon because I am starting to work for him again tomorrow but I want to tell him all about this. If I'm working for him and looking at his accounts then he's got to be able to trust me, once I tell him about it all he might not want me to work for him anyway but I'd rather have it out in the open so he has that choice rather than working for him falsely, knowing the ins and outs of his company when he knows nothing of mine.'

Dad smiles. 'I knew you would want to share it with him, he will probably be your best advisor not just for the business but also the lifestyle. He knows what it's like to be constantly in the public eye, learning who you can and cannot trust. He will help you with all that.'

'I'm frightened that he might turn his back on me, I mean he has worked hard to get where he is and has achieved so much. I have done nothing but it's all just been given to me, it makes me feel guilty.'

'Don't feel guilty, Christian loves you, he won't turn his back on you, in fact he'll probably be more overprotective than he is now.'

I groan, dad smiles. 'Dad when you said about there being a lot of money in the bank would I be able to buy a house with it.'

Dad laughs and then says 'You've already got seven is that not enough but yes you would be able to buy another should you so wish. If I approve of any plans for what you want to buy in the next three years I can get some of the money released to you as from today.'

'Thanks dad, I don't think I have any more questions today. I'm going to go and read through all the paperwork you have given me and then go and meet with Christian.'

'Ok, if you need anything else then you only need to ask, I'll always be available as will mom.' Dad says as I get up to leave, as he walks round the table I hug him and thank him for everything.

I go back to Escala, at least I can sit in privacy for a couple of hours going through all the paperwork so that when I meet with Christian I will be able to give him the full picture of what it is I own. Visions of him shouting in the meeting room about people wasting his time come to mind and I hope he is not like that with me. I make some lunch, then spreading out the papers on the dining table I sit and eat as I'm working. My phone buzzing interrupts me, it's Christian 'I'm free any time after 2pm' I text back to say that I'll be with him soon.

Back in the parking lot at Grey House I find myself taking deep breaths to try and relax. I'm really nervous about Christian's reaction to my news. It seems an effort to put one foot in front of the other as I enter reception and make my way to the elevator.

Christian is waiting for me when I arrive, how does he know?

'Hey little bro, have you had a good morning? You look worried about something.'

'I am' I say as we walk into his office, we sit on the comfy chairs rather than across the desk from each other. 'Christian, do you trust me to work for you?'

'Yes of course I do, has this got something to do with what I said last week? You know I'm sorry for everything that happened.' He says quietly, oh no I don't want to upset him.

'No, it's nothing to do with that; I just wanted confirmation that you trust me to work for you. Dad has told me something that I want to share with you but it must remain inside this office, mom and dad are the only other people that know about all of this and I'd like it to remain that way. Whatever I tell you I don't want you to hate me for it.'

'Jeez Matt will you just tell me, you're making it sound like it's a big deal.'

'It is a big deal, but I'm going to need your help and reassurance.'

'Just tell me!' he almost shouts.

'The part of Seattle that you don't own, I do. Well officially it will be mine in three years' time.'

'Hell Matt that is a big deal. You're worried that I won't want you working here because you'll know my business inside out and I won't know yours.' He says. How does he know what my exact thoughts are?

'Yes. I've brought all the paperwork with me so that you can see what I will have. I want to still work for you though, I need to learn but also need watching and protecting; only you can do that and help me.'

He looks at me, lost in thought for a few moments. I can't tell what he's thinking.

'Please don't hate me, I'd rather sell everything and just work for you so that everything in our relationship is the same. I'd rather have you as my brother than as some business rival. Please say something.' I plead.

'Matt, I don't hate you. I'm happy for you. Do you own the music business?'

'Yes' I say quietly looking at him.

'Do you know how much it's worth?' he asks.

'I haven't got a clue; I didn't talk figures with dad. I mean it's not as if it's mine just yet, I have to wait until I'm at least 21 and if dad doesn't think I'm ready then I'll wait until I'm 25. This is why I need help, I go to see dad with all these questions in my head and then I totally forget what to ask once he starts talking.'

'You'll learn eventually, but it will take time. Shall we have a look at the paperwork together?'

'Yes ok, there is other stuff as well. I have a bank account with a lot of money in but again I didn't ask how much. I've also got some money invested so that I can buy a boat, jet and helicopter, apparently daddy had them but they were sold with the intention of me buying up to date models. Oh and I've got seven properties; the house in Bellevue, one in London and then apartments in New York, Paris and Sydney, a villa in Spain and a vacation home in Hawaii.'

'Fuck, that's a lot.'

'I know, do you remember the houses? Dad said we all went on vacation to lots of them when I was three. He also said he thinks you got your love for boats, helicopters and jets from my daddy because you were close. I don't remember any of it.'I say, whispering the last part.

'Are you upset?' Christian asks. I nod so he continues to talk so that I don't have to. 'I do remember the houses, they are all amazing places. I thought they would have been sold as well but they must be worth a fortune now. I was close to your daddy, if I was having a particularly tough time he just seemed to understand and would take me out on his boat for hours, or up in the helicopter to take my mind off things, it was through him that I was interested in setting up my own business. I still miss him.' He says and looks at me, his eyes shining. He gathers the paperwork up and takes it to the long desk. 'Let's go through this before we both end up in tears'

We spend a good hour looking at all the papers, Christian is as shocked as I am as to how much I own.

'So you don't want anyone else to know about all of this.'

'No I told you it has to be kept quiet. I've seen how people react when they see you because of how much money you have, I don't want that. You know how much I hate change and I just want to carry on as I am. The last few years wherever I have gone people have been watching me and saying 'That's Christian Grey's brother' well I'm proud that I'm your brother but I would only like to be known as that and not ' there's Matt Grey and he's almost as rich as his brother.' I don't think I'd cope with anything more than I have now, that's why I need you.'

'I'm glad you've come to me for help. Would you ever consider selling any of these businesses to me?'

'To be honest the way I'm feeling right now if you want them then you can have them.' I say.

'Oh, I think I need to toughen you up. You're supposed to drive a hard bargain and get me to spend lots of money on them.' He says with a huge grin on his face.

'But you're my brother; I don't mind you sharing them and having what you want. '

'Even the music business?' he asks

'Yes if that's what you want.' I reply.

'But Matt it's worth billions.' He exclaims.

'But having you as my brother is worth more than that.' I reply.

'Wow I can't believe you just said that. Right let's get down to business. You'll start working here tomorrow in accounts. You'll learn everything you can in that department before moving on to somewhere else in the company. You can also attend some meetings with me as you will need to learn how to deal with people so that they don't take advantage of you. I will speak to Taylor about getting you some security. You will also have to be careful what you do so that it doesn't attract the attention of the press. I will guide and mentor you and have you ready to run your company in three years. All I ask in return is that if you decide to sell any of your businesses or property in the future please come and offer them to me first, oh and if you want a boat building can my company do it.'

'Thanks Christian.' I say as I give him a brotherly hug.

'You're welcome, though I'm going to leave you now as I have to collect Ana from work. You can stay at Escala tonight if you want but I will probably be back late so will see you in the morning.'

'Thanks, I'll text and let you know where I'm staying. I've got a date with Hannah. Hope you work it out with Ana, see you tomorrow.'

I give him another quick hug before we leave the office and then we head out of Grey House together. Taylor is waiting in the SUV by the sidewalk so Christian climbs in as I make my way to the parking lot. I feel so much happier now Christian knows everything and has agreed to help me.


	25. Chapter 25-Love

I drive over to Hannah's to collect her. It's slightly earlier than planned but she's ready. She's drags me through the front door, kissing me as we go. As soon as she closes the door the kiss deepens, her hand moving straight to the zip on my trousers, and then her hand is on me, stroking, teasing until I'm hard. I pull away slightly.

'I take it we are alone.' I say. She nods shyly and then moves to kiss me again. My hand moves towards her breast, she moans. She doesn't stop teasing me; I could come but not like this. I pull away again, I kiss her deeply, letting her get lost in that kiss before moving my hand down her and then inside her panties, I touch her clitoris, her breathing changes and then I slip a finger inside her. Wow, that's feels so good, all wet and warm, I move my finger around to explore, slipping another one in to get a better feel.

'Matt' she moans 'I want you to take me, I want you inside me.' Her breathing is ragged now, I think she's almost close to an orgasm but I pull away.

'Not here in the hallway of your parent's home.' I say horrified

'Yes, I am desperate to feel you in there.'

'No, let's go out and get some air, we'll go for a drive. This isn't how I want the first time to be. Although I'm desperate to take you I want it to be romantic so that you will remember it always as being special.' I grab her hand and drag her out before she can argue and I change my mind.

'Don't sulk.' I say as I open her car door. 'I don't want in years to come you turning round to me and saying 'you took my virginity on the floor in the hallway at my parents.' Trust me; I have plans for the first time.'

'Really, you have a plan. OK, I'll calm down and not sulk. But you do things to me Matt and I don't want you to stop. The feelings I have are so intense, should I feel like this already.'

'I think so because I feel the same, we'll stop at my home first. I need to get some clothes because I'm staying at Christian's tonight and working for him again as of tomorrow.'

Mom, dad and Mia are home. Mom is delighted to see the pair of us. 'Will you stay for dinner?' she asks. I look at Hannah and she smiles letting me know that she'd be happy so I say 'Sure mom that would be great, I just need to see dad in his study.' I turn to Hannah and say 'Will you be OK here with mom for five minutes.'

'Sure.' She says and I give her a quick peck on the cheek before going to knock on the study door.

'Hi Matthew, how did you get on with Christian today.'

'Fine thanks dad, here's all the paperwork, I thought it would be best for you to keep it. I showed it all to Christian, he is happy for me to work for him still and wants me to work in all the different departments and even attend meetings with him to give me some idea as to how to run a company and deal with people.'

'That sounds sensible, I told you Christian would be OK with it all. He will look after you and make sure everything is running OK and not let you do anything you might regret.'

'I know dad, he's even going to talk to Taylor about getting me some security. Is he just being over protective or do I really need to think about that sort of thing.' I ask.

'It won't do any harm, and remember he will only have your best interests at heart.' Dad smiles at me. 'Is there anything else you need to know?'

'There's probably loads, when I was with Christian I felt a bit silly that I hadn't asked you some of the questions that he was asking me. He said the music business is worth billions, is that true?'

'Yes.' He nods 'But don't think about that otherwise you will put pressure on yourself, remember there are already good people running it and if and when you are ready to work there they will help you.'.

'Thanks dad, I told Christian that I didn't want anyone else to know about this and he respects that. I'm going to go out for a walk now with Hannah before dinner so I will leave you to get on with your work.'

I leave the study and go and find Hannah, she is sat at the kitchen table with mom and Mia, they are talking about the ball on Saturday and getting all girly about it.

'Mom, how long is it until dinner is ready.' I say as I interrupt their conversation. I don't want to be any part of their girl talk.

'About 40 minutes darling boy.' She replies. I give her a quick hug then grab Hannah's hand.

'That's good we'll go for a quick walk down by the shore, we'll be back in about half an hour.'

I drag Hannah to her feet and we wander outside into the back yard.

'Hey, I was enjoying chatting with your mom and Mia.' Hannah says indignantly.

'Well you can continue chatting with them at dinner; I want you to myself now. We'll walk down towards the boathouse and then along the shore. We're hidden from the house down there so will get some privacy.' I grin at her then say 'Come on slow coach otherwise they'll be no kissing time.'

Hannah thumps my arm and says 'Slow coach, I'll show you!' and with that runs off, I chase her and soon catch her though I think she let me. I hug her, twirl her round then kiss her.

'Come on, this way. Let's move away from the house.'

We're stretched out side by side on the grass on the other side of the boathouse in total privacy. The evening sun keeping us warm. I kiss her, my hand on her breast once more. She reaches for my erection but I stop her, I'm so desperate to come that the slightest touch will be enough. I move on top of her and grab her hands in one of mine and pin them above her head so that she can't touch me. My other hand moves back towards the hem of her skirt, then is soon inside her panties again, touching, feeling and eventually moving the two fingers inside. I don't stop with the kissing, her back arches beneath me. I continue working my fingers round inside her, and circle my thumb on her clitoris. Her breathing is heavy now, her body writhing and her hips moving rhythmically, grinding against me. Then I feel it, her orgasm as she explodes over my fingers. I stop the kissing and look at her, still moving the fingers but more slowly. She looks at me in wonder; her eyes are wide and bright. I pull my fingers out of her and put them into my mouth.

'Matt!' Hannah exclaims.

'I just wanted to see what you taste like.' I reply grinning.

'Oh.' She now looks at me shyly. 'That feeling was unbelievable; I want to do the same for you.' Hannah says, then starts kissing me. I turn my head then give her a quick peck on the cheek.

'It's time for dinner; you'll have to wait until later. But now you're all flushed and have to sit with my parents for the next hour or so. Do you think you can cope?' I ask; as I jump to my feet, then hold out my hand to pull her up.

'Matthew Grey, you do not play fair. I have my first orgasm and now you're dragging me back to the house and expecting me to sit and have dinner with your parents.'

'I think that's a fair summary of the last half hour.' I smirk at her, as I hold her hand and we walk back to the house.

'You're just in time.' Mia says, 'I came to look for you but couldn't see you, did you not hear me calling? What did you get up to?'

Jeez my sister is so nosy, good job she didn't find us. I reply 'We just walked along the shore; you probably didn't walk far enough.' I can see Hannah blushing furiously so say to her 'I'll show you where the bathroom is so that you can wash your hands before dinner.'

Mia interrupts us 'Hannah has been coming here since she was 5 years old, she knows where the bathroom is Matt.' Luckily mom walks in and tells Mia to carry some plates through to the dining room so that we can escape. I pull her into the bathroom, giggling.

'Phew that was close, my sister is so nosy, Elliot and Christian are always moaning that she gives them no privacy but I'd never seen it before.' I grin at her, kiss her then proceed to quickly splash her before making my exit. We are both giggling by the time we sit down at the dinner table.

The girls continue their chatter about the ball, I think Mia is getting Hannah over excited about it but let them continue. Mom tells me that Elliot is still having a great time in Barbados and it's a pity that he will not be here on Saturday as it would have been good to have us all there. I tell her that we will be leaving shortly after dinner as I'm dropping Hannah home and then staying at Christian's. I think she's disappointed I won't be here. 'The house isn't the same without you.' She says.

'That's funny, that's what Mrs Jones says about Christian's place when I'm there.' I reply with a smile, then continue 'I will be here tomorrow evening though mom, I'm working for Christian all day but will come straight back here and should be around all weekend. Then I add quietly so the girls don't hear me 'Mom, would it be OK if Hannah stayed here after the ball on Saturday, that's if her parents don't insist on her going back with them.'

'Of course, she's welcome any time.' mom replies, smiling lovingly at me.

Dad nods in agreement and then he says. 'It is good having you here and being happy but I'm also pleased that you and Christian are getting on once more and are spending a lot of time together, he will guide you well and not let you steer far off course.'

After dinner I go and pack some clothes. Hannah and I say our thankyous and goodbyes and then go to the car. As usual I open her passenger door, kissing her as she gets in I say 'I love you.' She grins at me as I make my way to my side.

As we set off she says 'Why do you always do that?'

'What have I done now?' I ask.

'You always kiss me then whisper something charming in my ear as I get in the car and then you disappear to the other side so I can't reply.' She says huffily.

'Because I can.' I reply cheekily, grinning at her. 'Are you sulking?'

'Yes' she replies, crossing her arms.

'Oh, I'll have to try and get you in a good mood then.' I pull into a parking lot by the bay. 'Let's go for a stroll before I drop you home.'

We walk and talk, totally relaxed with each other again. It feels so good to be out in the fresh evening air, holding hands as we meander along the coast road.

'Hannah, do you still plan to go university and study art when you leave school next year?' I ask her.

'Yes, that's what I've wanted to do now for years. I think I want to study at Pullman. Are you thinking about Harvard still?'

'Sort of, would you consider going somewhere else if we could both be in the same place studying what we want?'

'Would you want to?'

'Yes, if we are serious about making this relationship work perhaps we should start looking for somewhere that would suit us both. We don't have to decide and confirm straight away but it would give us options. What do you think?' I ask.

'I think we should investigate the possibilities and see what our options would be; I want to make us work so we have to start planning now.'

I kiss her, then say 'I love you Hannah Sullivan. By the way mom said you can stay over after the ball on Saturday if you want, you can either stay in my room or there are plenty of guest rooms to choose from, whichever you're most comfortable with.'

She kisses me back. 'Oh Matthew Grey you are such a charmer, I'd love to stay with you, as long as you keep your hands to yourself and don't tease me!'

'I'll try with my hands but I can't promise with anything else.' I grin wickedly at her.

'Matt, you're so rude.'

'Let's walk back before I get any worse, you know how desperate I am. Can I see you tomorrow evening or are you busy?'

'Tomorrow is good; I'll be home from about 7pm.'

I drive Hannah home, then continue to Escala. When I arrive the apartment is empty. Christian must still be with Ana. I grab a beer from the fridge and settle to watch TV. I flick through the channels but there isn't much on. I finish the beer and move back to the great room, sitting at the piano stool I stare at the lights of Seattle then turn around and start to play.

This is how Christian finds me when he returns home. He doesn't disturb me but waits for me to finish before saying 'You're in a good mood.'

'Hmm, I've had a good day, how was your date with Ana?'

'Great thanks, she's agreed to give it another go. I'm seeing her tomorrow evening.'

'That's good, I'll stay at home tomorrow night then, I wouldn't want to interrupt anything.' I grin at him.

He smiles at me, then asks 'How was Hannah?'

'Good.' I reply blushing.

'What have you been up to? You're blushing, you look quite cute when you blush little bro.' He teases, I turn away but he grabs my chin. 'Let me question you, you don't need to answer but I'll be able to tell.'

'Did you fuck her?'

'No, did you make love to her?'

'Jeez Christian, this is really none of your business and I don't want to play your games. You did this when I was little, you can't torture the truth out of me anymore. It scares me.' I stand up abruptly, tears in my eyes. 'It's a good job I've had a beer so can't drive home. I'm going to bed.'

'Matt I'm sorry, you know how I like to know things and have control. I'll back off though over you and Hannah.'

'You promise, and you won't question her about us on Saturday evening. I don't want you scaring her with your over the top control freakishness.'

'I promise, I'll be my usual charming self. Go to bed now, I've got a few things to do. I'll see you for breakfast in the morning.

'Thanks big bro, see you in the morning' I say and give him a hug.


	26. Chapter 26-Together

I wake but it's only 4am, I can't sleep so think I need some exercise. I haven't done much this week. I go to the lap pool in the apartment block, it's doesn't give me the same satisfaction as a full size pool but it will do. By the time I've spent a couple of hours swimming and on the treadmill I feel more alive, fresh and buzzing, ready to work.

I make my way back up to Christian's apartment, he's already up.

'Hey, you should have woken me; we could have worked out together.' He says.

'What at 4am, I couldn't sleep and didn't want to disturb you crashing around up here. I'll just grab a quick shower and then have breakfast, have you eaten?'

'No, I'll go and do some work and eat with you, next time wake me and I'll work out with you!'

As we eat Christian tells me he's meeting Ana for a drink later but then isn't sure what plans they have, I tell him that I'm collecting Hannah but I'm not sure either what we plan to do, I tell him about last night and how Mia takes over and we don't get a minute to ourselves, he laughs and says she's always been like that.

I drive Christian to work; Taylor will pick him up later.

'Jeez Matt, will you concentrate whilst you drive.'

'Calm down, you always make me nervous, do you want to drive.'

'No, I think you need Taylor to come out with you and give you some tips, in case anyone ever follows you.'

'Do you ever get a feeling that you're being watched?'

'No why do you?'

'Sort of, I keep thinking I see that girl around that was in your apartment but then I think I'm being paranoid.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' Christian says almost angrily. 'When did you last see her'

I look at him and say. 'I'm sure she was across the road from Escala as when we pulled out of the garage.'

'Eyes on the road and concentrate.' Christian yells at me then takes out his blackberry to call someone. 'Welch, she's just been spotted outside my apartment block, get Taylor to look and yes we'll have increased security. Yes, 24/7' he says and then looks at me 'You will have security by the end of the day; Taylor will brief them and bring them to Grey House for you to meet. Understood.'

'Yes, why do I need them if I never get any privacy anyway, you always seem to know my every move.'

'Because although I can track you I can't actually be there if someone tries to do something to you. The security will be discreet, you won't realise they are there half the time but they will give you and me reassurance that someone is close by to aid you should the need arise.'

'What about when I'm with Hannah, will she realise we're being watched and will we get privacy?'

'She won't realise unless you tell her, as I said they will be very discreet. They are not there to report back to me but just to make sure you are in no danger.'

'OK, I think I can cope with that. We're here now; can I use your parking space?'

'Don't push your luck, you're not a CEO yet!' he scolds. I smile back at him and pull into a space that's a few away from his.

As we enter the building and make our way to different elevators Christian says 'I'll see you later, remember if you need to contact me use your blackberry.'

I go straight to accounts and back to the desk I was sat at just over a week ago; soon I am lost in spread sheets and figures. I look at them with renewed interest, seeing where some of our companies overlap. I hear my phone vibrate, it's Hannah, 'Hi, How's working life with your scary brother? Love Hx' I smile and text her back 'Pretty quiet actually, looking forward to seeing you later. Love Mx' I grin at myself then notice I have some other messages, mainly from Christian 'Do you want to come up to 20th for lunch?' is it really lunch time, I look at my watch, it's 2.30pm already. Where did the morning go, I quickly scroll through my other messages. 'Have you already eaten?' 'Are you ignoring me?' 'Did you EAT?' Shit, he is going to be cross with me, for someone who can't cook he has always had this thing about making sure everyone has eaten. I then notice a note on my desk propped up against a sub from the deli. 'Hey baby bro, guess you're too busy to take a break. Please eat this and text me when you're free.'

I eat, he knows my favourite, peppered turkey on wholegrain, with salad and mayo and a diet coke. I text him when I've almost finished. 'Thank you, the sub was good. Sorry didn't reply to earlier text messages. My boss was working me too hard and wouldn't like that I was wasting company time to text!' Now I've finished eating I get back to work.

My phone rings, almost making me jump.

'Hi'

'It's now 5pm, I take it your office will be empty as everyone finishes early on a Friday.' I look around and sure enough I'm the only one in here.

'Yes, it is, how did the day go so quickly.'

'Taylor has the security; he will come and introduce them to you now.'

'OK.' I say, and then click off as Christian has already hung up, he sure doesn't waste much time on conversation.

Five minutes later Taylor walks in with two men, wearing black suits, white shirts and black ties.

'Hi Taylor.'

'Hi Matthew, this is Evans and James, they will follow you wherever you go. Whilst you're at work here they will wait in reception. At Escala they will be in my office and at Bellevue there will always be at least one of them close by in the grounds.' Taylor says as he introduces them.

I nod at them both and then say to Taylor 'OK, do they have to wear suits though, they don't exactly blend in, I'm supposed to be taking Hannah out later but if we go bowling or to the cinema or the pizza place they are going to be so noticeable that Hannah is going to start asking awkward questions. You know what she's like.'

'They have a change of clothes in the car; it's a black SUV so you know that's who will be following. Please be open with them and tell them as much information as possible before you go anywhere, they will blend in and remember they are there to help you if you need them.'

'Thank you Taylor.' I say and smile at him before turning to the two men and nodding at them once more.

They all leave, I put my head in my hands, is my life ever going to be the same again. I emerge myself in the figures once more but don't get far as Christian is now stood in front of me.

'Taylor is driving me to collect Ana now. Are you finished yet?'

'I shouldn't be too much longer; there are a few things I want to tie up. Can I meet you next week sometime? I've managed to put together some new data where our companies overlap, and like I told you last week there are a few of yours that need updating to increase the profits. You even have one that's making a loss though that has only happened in the last 10days but still it should have been kept an eye on.'

'You're not going to take 3 years to train at this rate; you'll be ready in six months. OK do a full report and I will meet with you Monday lunchtime. Don't stay too late tonight; remember Hannah will be waiting for you. I'll see you tomorrow evening.'

'Bye Christian, have fun with Ana.'

'I intend to, bye'

As soon as he is gone I start finishing off all the work I've been doing, conscious now of the time as I don't want to be too late to collect Hannah. My phone vibrates, Christian again. 'You need to leave work now if you want to collect Hannah on time! I'm staying at Ana's tonight, you can stay at Escala! If you need them, there are condoms in the right hand drawer by my bed. Do not use MY bed. Have fun!' Really, my over protective control freak of a brother is unbelievable. Why does he do this? But then I grin to myself, this is the privacy that we need.

In reception, I briefly tell Evans and James my plans of collecting Hannah and returning to Escala. I ask them to keep their distance when we enter the garage though as I don't want Hannah to get suspicious and freak out. On the drive to her house I've still got a huge smile on my face. When Hannah opens the front door she's immediately suspicious.

'What are you grinning at?' she asks

'Nothing, I'm just happy to see you, it's Friday evening and we've got the whole weekend together. Can you stay over with me tonight?' I ask casually, not mentioning where.

'Sure, I'll just tell mom.' She says. The next thing she's shouting 'Mom, is it OK if I stay over at the Grey's tonight?'

'Is that OK with your mom?' asks Mrs Sullivan as she walks into the hallway. I nod, so Hannah goes to get a few bits and pieces that she needs. I end up making polite conversation with her mom, mainly about the weather and work, but she does tell me how much she is looking forward to tomorrow evening.

Hannah is soon back downstairs and hugging her mom goodbye and then we're at the car. I open the passenger door, kiss Hannah and whisper 'Lover' as she sits in the seat, before closing her door and moving to my side.

'Matthew Grey, what are you on about?'

'You'll see, it's surprise time.' I say and start driving, looking in the rear view mirror I can see the black SUV following.

'We're heading back into the city, where are we going? I thought we were going to your house.'

'Hmm, do you fancy Yale, I was looking today they have courses that would suit us both.'

'Don't change the subject!' she exclaims, arms crossed.

'Yes or no?'

'I'll think about it, now where are we going?' she demands.

'Escala, Christian's apartment.'

'No way, I am not sitting having a cosy evening with your brother.'

'Too late, we're here' I say as we drive into the garage. I open her car door and then direct her to the elevator and punch in the code. As we enter the lift, I kiss her, my hands in her hair. I push her against the wall, I could take her now, I'm so desperate. We pull apart as the elevator stops. As we enter the vestibule I grab her hand and drag her towards the double doors. She hesitates and I turn to her.

'What's the matter?'

'I'm nervous, your brother intimidates me.'

'Don't worry, he's not here.' I say as I grin at her. 'We have the place to ourselves, all night!'

'Really'

'Yes, really. Come on let's get some food and beer first and then we'll see what happens. Remember you don't have to do anything you don't want.' I say as we enter the great room.

'Wow, this place is bigger than what I recall. Do you remember when we skipped school to come here but Christian came home early and found us. He was furious and dragged us back to school.' Hannah says as I shudder at the thought, even then he must have been tracking me.

'Yes, I think I was grounded for about 6 months, did your mom ever find out because I had Christian to deal with plus school because they assumed it was me that led you astray and then my dad. He was so angry with me.' I guide Hannah towards the bar stools at the kitchen work top; I find something in the fridge to reheat. 'Lasagne?' I ask, she nods. 'Beer or wine?'

'Wine please, I can't imagine your dad being angry; he seems so calm all the time.'

'He is most of the time, it's mainly me that seems to get him angry, though very occasionally Christian as well. Dinner will be in about 30minutes, do you want to watch TV, whilst we wait?'

'Yes ok, though not some gangster fighting thing' I just agree with her as I hadn't planned to watch much TV anyway. This feels so good, stretched out, arm round Hannah as she's cuddled up next to me with her head on my chest. The TV drones on in the back ground but I don't think either of us are watching. I shift and soon have her underneath me, we kiss desperately, tongues clashing and probing. My erection must be digging into her as she moves her hips towards me. My hand is soon under her dress and inside her panties; I cannot get enough of the feel of her as I slip my fingers inside. Already she is wet as I feel around, the smoothness of the front wall, gently stroking until her breathing becomes more rapid. I can feel her insides building, and then she comes, again the stickiness is all over my fingers as I pull them out.

'Do you want to taste?' I ask her. She shakes her head so I put them in my mouth. 'You taste so good.' I mutter.

'Your turn.' She says and all of a sudden I am underneath her. She's already undone my zip and I spring free.' Wow, Matt.' And with that comment she has me in her mouth. The feeling is indescribable, I can feel myself building, I am so desperate and this won't take long, I shift and move her off me.

'Hey, what did you do that for?'

'Hannah, I was about to come in your mouth, I was unsure whether you were ok with that. I didn't want to upset you.'

'She pushes me back down and lies on top of me, 'You should have just let it happen.' She says before kissing my mouth. She holds my erection, moving her hands up and down; I can feel the build up again. 'I want you inside me.' Hannah whispers as she sits on top, moving her panties to one side I find myself being slipped in. she slowly moves up and down. 'Hannah no, I'll come, it won't take long. We need a condom.'

'Matt, live in the moment, it's the first time, it will be ok.' She says as she continues the slow up and down. I'm lost and match her thrust for thrust, faster and faster, I can hardly breathe and then I come, one last thrust and it's over. Hannah flops down on my chest. I pull out, and she winces.

'Jeez Hannah, that was amazing, but it wasn't how I planned it.'

'I know, but now that first time is over you can be more romantic. It just needed to happen when we were both relaxed and it felt so good, so right.'

'We should have used protection though.'

'Don't you listen to all the talk at school; everyone says it's ok the first time.'

'Well I'm not so sure, I might ask Christian the best place to get you the morning after pill.'

Hannah sits bolt upright.' What, he will kill you first.'

'Probably, from now on we use condoms, otherwise you'll have to take the pill, or get a shot. Let's go and eat, dinner will be ready and then I want you again, in bed this time. This is where Christian always has serious chats with me; I don't think I'll be able to keep the smile off my face next time I'm in here with him.'

Mrs Jones lasagne is good and still my favourite. As I'm eating I remember to text mom, 'Hi mom, will be home tomorrow lunchtime, I'm at Christian's,' at least she won't worry about me. As we finish eating we look each other in the eyes and both smile shyly, 'again' Hannah whispers. I nod and take her hand and lead her to my bedroom. I leave her standing as I move to Christian's room to find the condoms, no more risks. She's stood waiting where I left her.

'I think we'll be needing these, shall we shower first?'

'Yes.' She says, moving to take my t-shirt off. We head towards the bathroom, undressing on the way and leaving a trail of clothes. I switch on the water and drag her under the cascade. We hug and kiss, enjoying the feel of skin on skin. My hands move over her body, marvelling in the smoothness of her skin, first her breasts, her ass, her clitoris. I soap her all over, her eyes closed she moans, then I dropped to my knees and kiss her. Tongue slowly circling round and round, I move two fingers inside which is as usual wet and warm, my tongues continues the gentle flicking rhythm on her clit, her hands are in my hair, gently tugging at my curls. Her backs arches and she cries out, stiffening as her body reaches an orgasm once more. She collapses on me, her legs unable to support her.

'Matt, is it meant to be this good so soon.' I shrug, I don't know. 'Stand, it's your turn.' I do as I'm told and once more am in her mouth. She grips my behind as she continues to tease me, dragging me to the back of her mouth then pushing forward, swirling her tongue at the tip. I feel the now familiar build of sensation, I steady myself by placing my hands on her shoulders. 'Hannah, I'm going to come, stop if you don't want me to.' She pushes me into her mouth and bares her teeth and I thrust, releasing myself in her mouth. I collapse on the shower floor, and drag Hannah onto my knees. I kiss her, and then pull away. 'You are amazing, I love you.' I say.

She smiles shyly at me and replies 'I love you too.'

After sitting on the floor with the water hammering down on us, we soap each other and then dry each other. I pick Hannah up and toss her over my shoulder, she screams 'Put me down.' And hits my back. I take her to the bed and drop her on it.

Grabbing the box of condoms I say 'Do you know how to put these on.'

'No, put I can practise.' She says opening the box and taking one.

I pin her down, hands above her head and kiss her, then move to her breasts, kissing one then the other. My other hand is down there once more, feeling inside.

'You're so wet, so ready.

She looks up 'So are you' she says as she stares at my erection. I sit up on top of her as she rips open the foil packet. She rolls it slowly over me, taking her time. As soon as it's on I push her back down on the bed and immediately thrust myself inside her. She cries out, I stop.

'Are you OK?'

'Yes, it just felt deep that's all. Keep going' I continue, deep thrusts as her hips meet mine. We move together, and then I feel that build. Hannah arches her back , then cries out as she reaches an orgasm and I give one more thrust before I come once more. I collapse, shifting to the side so as not to squash Hannah. I remove the condom, dropping it on the floor at the side of the bed before pulling the duvet over us as we curl up together and fall asleep in each other's arms.

'


	27. Chapter 27-Upset

I'm too hot as I wake in a tangle of arms and legs with Hannah, she's still sleeping. I watch her for a while and then careful not to wake her untangle myself before throwing on some pyjama bottoms. I could do with a swim but can't really leave Hannah in the apartment on her own. It's still early; I go to Christian's study and fire up his computer to do some research. That doesn't make me feel any happier. After gulping down some orange juice I go to the piano, I put the lid down so as not to disturb Hannah, then I start to play and am soon locked in my own world.

Hannah startles me as when I finish a piece she is behind me, she waits until I move my hands from the keys and then hugs me from behind, kissing my shoulder.

'Sorry, did I wake you?' I ask.

'No, you just weren't there, come back to bed.' She pleads, then bites my shoulder.

'Ouch, that hurt.' I say

'Softie!' she teases 'How about this?' and she kisses my shoulder once more, I'm sure she'll be leaving another love bite. I put her hand on my erection. 'Oh, you're definitely not a softie.' She says and takes me by the hand back to the bedroom.

I drag my pyjama bottoms off on the way to the bed and help Hannah with her t-shirt. I am soon lost in her body once more, me on top kissing her breasts, fingers inside her. Her taking control and on top of me, this time she rips open the foil packet and puts it on before putting me inside her, and then she's moving fast, up and down and I match her thrust for thrust. I'm lost in the sensation as it builds 'Come for me Hannah' I plead, she arches her back and explodes over me, setting me off I come inside her. Totally spent Hannah collapses on top of me, out of breath she snuggles up on my chest and we must fall asleep.

It's light outside when we wake again.

'Morning, beautiful girl. Are you hungry?'

'Yes.' She says and grinds her hips on top of me.

'I meant for food, shall we shower first, have breakfast and then I'll drop you home, unless you just want to collect your dress and you can get ready with me later.'

'That sounds good, won't your mom mind though because the house will be busy with all the helpers sorting out things for tonight.'

'She'll be fine, I've never really noticed before but I think by this stage she just leaves everyone to get on with their jobs. It wouldn't surprise me if she's at the salon with Mia.'

We shower together, washing each other down again. We kiss and it's as frantic as ever. Will I ever get enough of her? I have her pinned against the wall, pressing my erection into her hip. I'm desperate to be inside her but will not risk being in there with no protection again.

'Matt, I want you inside me.'

'I know baby but we can't risk it again.'

'Please.' She pleads.

'No.' I pull away switching the water off and turning my back on her I leave and dry myself. She follows and I silently hand her a towel. I look at her cautiously.

'Are you sulking?' she asks. I shrug and walk into the bedroom to dress. Again she follows and I toss her some clothes.

'Get dressed we'll stop and get something to eat on the way back to Bellevue.'

'At least you're speaking. Matt I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put pressure on you.'

'I'm sorry too, I'm so desperate to be inside you but we need to use condoms. We can't take any risks again. I was doing some research earlier and you can become pregnant the first time. Jeez Hannah what if it's too late already.'

'Is that why you were playing the piano earlier, trying to lose yourself in the music?'

'Yes, I think we should ask my mom about the morning after pill, she will help us.'

'Matt no, not your mom. I won't be able to face her again.'

'She's a doctor; she's used to this sort of thing. Have you got a better idea? Your mom would stop us seeing each other, Mia would tell the whole of Seattle, Elliot isn't here to help and let's not even think about what Christian would do, we'd be lucky to still be alive.'

'OK' she whispers quietly.

I hug her. 'Come on let's go, the sooner we sort this out the better.'

We stop at the deli to eat, I call mom to see if she's home, she's not going out until after lunch so I tell her we'll see her soon as we're on our way. Hannah is very quiet as I drive.

'Do you want to stop and get your dress or would you rather I dropped you home while I speak to mom?' I ask her gently.

'Can we see your mom and then go back to mine, I'd rather see what her reaction is first, she might not want me in the house.'

'Don't sweat it, as I said earlier she's used to seeing this all the time.'

'Not with her own son though.'

'Hmm, you may have a point.' I reply.

We continue the rest of the journey in silence. I pull up on the drive and give Hannah a hug then go to open her door. As she climbs out I kiss her cheek. 'I love you' I whisper. She looks at me as if she wasn't expecting those words.

'Still' she whispers

'Of course, this isn't going to change anything.'

'I thought… in the shower earlier…. you didn't want me anymore'

'Oh baby of course I do. I love you so much. We should never have got carried away, but we'll sort this out and then everything will be fine. OK?'

'I love you Matthew Grey.' She says and hugs me.

I take her hand and we walk up the steps to the front door. As I open it I see mom straight away, she's stood in the hallway, phone in hand texting someone.

'Hi mom' I say going to give her a hug.

'Hi darling boy, is something wrong?' how does she know?

'Mom, can we talk to you privately? Where we won't be interrupted.' I ask her

'Sure, let's go into the living room.'

I take Hannah's hand and pull her behind me, I sense her reluctance. Mom looks at us worriedly.

'Mom, we stayed at Christian's last night, he wasn't there. We need your help, we sort of got carried away and we didn't use any protection.' I say, red in the face with embarrassment.

'OK, I'll help you, I'll stop by the clinic when I'm out with Mia later and get Hannah the morning after pill. Is that OK with you Hannah?'

'Yes, thank you Mrs Grey.'

'Hannah would you mind waiting in the kitchen with Mia whilst I have a word with Matthew.' Mom says, not looking at me, shit what does this mean, she hardly ever calls me Matthew.

'Of course Mrs Grey.' Hannah leaves and I'm alone with mom. I look at her, she's seething.

'How could you be so stupid?' She says quietly, the anger clear in her voice. 'If the condom split I could understand but to use no protection at all is so irresponsible. Did you not think about the consequences? I don't understand how you could get so carried away that it just went out of your head. I'm so disappointed in you; I thought we'd brought you up better than that. I'm going out now; I will see Hannah with the pill later when I return.'

Mom turns and leaves and I'm left standing there. I don't remember mom ever being angry with me before, she has always been my protector when everyone else was angry with me. Hannah is back at my side.

'Everything OK?' she asks.

'Let's go, we'll stop by your house and get your dress. Mom is pretty pissed with me at the moment. Did Mia ask any questions?'

'No, she's so wrapped up with the ball that she doesn't notice anything else. She was showing me the seating plan, I am sat next to her date Sean with you on my other side and you're supposed to be sat next to your mom.'

'Oh great, that could be awkward. Maybe it would be better if we don't go.'

'Everyone would ask questions then including my mom.' She says as she hugs me. 'Come on let's go.'

My phone buzzes as we're getting in the car. It's Christian calling.

'Matt, have you got security with you?'

'I think so, to tell you the truth I'd forgotten about them.' I look round me as I speak. 'Yes they're here.

'OK, make sure you keep them close today. I'm on my way back to Escala with Ana. I'll see you tonight.' And he switches me off.

I drive away, knowing that we will be followed by the black SUV. As we pull up on Hannah's drive I ask her if it's ok if I wait in the car as I have a couple of calls to make. First I call mom, but it goes to voicemail. I leave a message 'Mom I'm really sorry, Please don't be angry. I'll understand if you don't want me there tonight, I don't want to spoil the evening for you.'

Next I call Mia, she answers straight away.

'Hi Mia, what are you doing at the moment?'

'I'm in the car with mom; she's driving us to the salon. Do you want to speak to her?' Mia asks.

'Err no, Mia would it be easy to rearrange the table if Hannah and I didn't come tonight?'

'But Matt, why wouldn't you come? Hannah is really excited about it all and has even offered to help in the auction.' I can hear mom's voice in the background and then Mia speaks again 'Mom just said you will be there and she won't hear another word about you not going. Do you understand?'

'Yes, I'll see you later.' I sigh as I hang up.

Hannah comes back with everything that she needs for later and I drive though I'm not entirely sure where I'm going. Eventually I head back to my house, at least mom isn't there. We dump all the stuff in my room and then go to the back yard. It is a hive of activity as everyone is getting everything set up for later.

'Let's go for a walk on the shore.' I say.

'Are you still upset about what your mom said earlier?'

'Yes, it's probably the best contraceptive ever. Stern words from my mom.' I say, Hannah giggles; we race each other to the water's edge and spend the afternoon talking about the future and just kissing-nothing else.

Late afternoon we stroll back to the house so that we can get ready for the ball. As we pass through the kitchen mom hands Hannah a small bag with instructions about taking the pill. I look at her, she must see how sorry I am but she chooses to ignore me and looks the other way with no acknowledgement.


	28. Chapter 28-Ball

'Matthew, a word in my study.' Dad says as we pass through the hallway. I look at Hannah and tell her to wait upstairs in my room for me then follow dad inside closing the door behind me.

'What have you done to make your mother so angry with you, she won't tell me but I want to know?' dad demands. I stand there, do I really need to tell dad?

'I'm waiting; you were supposed to be sat next to her tonight as is usual at a social function so that she would be there for you but for some reason unbeknown to me she's rearranged the seating plan. At one point you were even on a different table to the rest of the family but I've managed to talk her round. What would people say if one of the Greys especially the youngest one that has always been so over protected was left to fend for himself? '

'I'm sorry dad.' Is all I manage to stammer.

'Was it really that bad what you did?' he says, more gently this time, I think he must realise after all our recent talks that he won't get anywhere with me if he gets angry.

'Yes.'

'Tell me; I might be able to at least smooth things over with mom.'

'But dad if I tell you, you might hate me like mom does. She won't even speak to me.'

'Your mom doesn't hate you, she's just angry at the moment and I've never seen her angry with you before so that's why I want to know.'

'OK, I stayed at Christian's with Hannah last night.'

'Is that all?'

'Christian wasn't there.'

'Oh, and your mom found out.'

'Sort of, this is more difficult telling you than it was mom earlier.'

'You told her!' dad says in astonishment.

'Yes, we came to her for help. It was the first time for both of us and we didn't use any protection, it just sort of happened.' I mumble, embarrassed again.

'I take it mom got Hannah the morning after pill.' Dad says.

'Yes, when we asked her she was fine but then she asked Hannah to wait in the kitchen with Mia. She really laid into me, she was so angry.'

'I'm not surprised, did you not think about the consequences, a baby in nine months to look after. Do you want that responsibility whilst you're still at school?' He says.

'No.' I say looking at him. 'Dad why haven't you exploded with anger? I expected you to.'

'Because that wouldn't have worked, you made a mistake and you need to learn from it. I don't think you'll be repeating it again without protection. At least you felt you could ask your mom for help, I'll speak to her, just give her time, she'll come round.'

'You won't tell Christian will you?'

'Does he know the pair of you stayed there last night?' dad asks.

'Yes, he even told me where the condoms were so there was no excuse. I'm sorry dad, I've been so stupid.'

'Learn from it, don't let it happen again. Oh and have a good time tonight but not too much alcohol for you or for Hannah, you're both still so young and your mom will be angry if the pair of you end up drunk. Go and get ready and I'll see you later.'

'Thanks dad.'

I go upstairs to get ready, Hannah is sat on my bed, she looks at me with concern.

'How was it with your dad, had your mom told him?' she asks.

'No she hadn't, but dad wanted to know what made her so angry. I had to tell him.'

'Oh Matt, I'm so sorry. Perhaps it would be better if I didn't go tonight.'

I walk over to her and envelope her in a hug. 'Don't worry, dad was fine. He basically just said don't do it again and to enjoy ourselves tonight, though we're not allowed to drink much. He's going to speak to mom to smooth things over.'

'Really, your dad was ok.'

'Yes really.' I say and kiss her. 'Come on let's get ready, otherwise Mia will only be up here harassing us.'

I let Hannah shower first as she needs to do her hair and make-up and then I follow her. I daren't risk being caught together in the shower at home considering my mom's mood at the moment. By the time I'm out and dry she is almost ready, I stand and stare at her in awe, she looks stunning.

'Wow Hannah, you look breathtaking. I'm so lucky to be taking you tonight.' I manage to say.

'Well you'd better get dressed or you won't be taking me anywhere.' she retorts.

I grin at her and quickly dress, black dinner suit, black bow tie. We put our masks on at the same time.

'I don't like this.' I tell her 'It makes me feel awkward.'

'You look handsome.'

'You look beautiful.' I say and kiss her, the kiss deepens and I feel the familiar stirring. There's a knock on the door, it's Mia as usual with her brilliant timing.

'Are you ready in there, we need to go, guests are starting to arrive.'

'You can come in Mia.' I say.

'Wow, you two scrub up well. Hannah your dress is gorgeous. You look really good together. Make sure the photographers take your pictures.'

We descend the stairs together; Mia's friends are waiting at the bottom. There's lots of hugging and kissing and exclamations about how I've grown up. Thank goodness I'm with Hannah as they really are embarrassing; trying to get my attention with a little flirting. We all go together through the kitchen to the backyard. Hannah is speechless, even I am amazed at how good it looks. Pale pink lanterns hang everywhere. There are only one or two guests at the moment. Mia ushers us towards the arbor that is strewn with ivy to pose for pictures. Mia and her friends go first, the five of them having one taken together, and then Hannah and I take our turn.

'Thank you Mr Grey.' One of the photographers says. How does he know my name?

We make our way over to the large white pergola that is over the black and white checkered dance floor. There are ice sculptures of swans at the entrances. Hannah is so excited; she can't stop talking about everything. Oh no, she's gone all girly on me. We stand at the edge of the dance floor, near Mia's group of friends. Plenty of guests are arriving now and are mingling near us.

I hear Mia shout 'Christian' and she goes over and throws her arms round him. She then drags Ana over to meet her friends. Christian follows more slowly and comes to say hello to me and Hannah. He kisses her on the cheek and then gives me a brotherly hug, only so that he can whisper in my ear 'What did you get up to last night?'

I blush and smirk back at him. 'Probably the same as you!'

He grins at me then makes his way over to rescue Ana from Mia. As Christian moves her away from the group, I say 'hello' to Ana and kiss her on the cheek before introducing Hannah to her. They shake hands, saying how nice it is to meet each other and then Christian moves her away to meet other people. That's the trouble with having a brother like mine, everyone wants to meet him and talk to him. Hannah and I find her parents and make polite conversation until the master of ceremonies asks us to take our seats as dinner is served.

By the time Hannah and I make our way through the throng to our table most people are already there. I see mom has just greeted Ana and Christian is kissing her on the cheek. My grandparents are there and Christian introduces them, and then Mia is introducing her date. Hannah and I approach the table, Mia introduces Sean to us and I do likewise with Hannah. Grandma is so embarrassing she says

'Is that little Hannah that used to get into so much trouble with you at school?'

Everyone except mom laughs as I reply 'Yes grandmother!'

Mom greets Hannah quite warmly, kissing her on the cheek but just says 'Matthew' to me across the table. Christian gives me a questioning look and mouths 'Matthew' he must be thinking something is wrong as he knows mom never calls me that unless I'm in trouble and I'm the only one that has not been hugged or kissed by her when normally I am the one that she never misses. It hurts.

I am now due to sit next to my grandmother, Hannah on my other side and she is next to Sean. Mia is now next to dad, whilst mom is next to her friends Lance and Jane and then it's Christian and Ana and back to grandpa. Christian is watching me, he frowns and I give a slight shrug. He will question me later; I know he will as I always sit next to mom at social functions.

I hear dad on the microphone welcoming everyone before he makes his way over to our table. He makes his way round saying hello to Ana, Sean and Hannah. The MC asks us to nominate a table head but no-one on our table stands a chance with Mia as she bounces around nominating herself. We have to sign a bill and put it in the envelope. I hand one to Hannah to sign. She whispers 'Sorry I didn't know.'

'Don't worry.' I whisper in her ear. 'Dad warned me I would need them so I was prepared.'

Ana obviously didn't realise either as I see Christian hand her a bill as well. Our waiter is offering wine or water to everyone but automatically pours water for me and Hannah, he must have been warned about us drinking alcohol. The sides of the tent where we entered are now being closed and the ones on the other side are open to reveal the sunset over Seattle.

The servers on cue serve us all at the same time with our starters. Christian and Ana are whispering away to each other. Mia and Grandma take control of the conversation. Sean and Hannah seem to be getting on quite well as she engages him in conversation as he is quite shy. I feel mom's eye's on me but as I look at her she quickly turns away and speaks to Lance. I think dad notices as I must look utterly lost. He smiles at me in sympathy. Everyone at the table is deep in conversation with each other as it ebbs and flows. Christian is now talking to Lance; Mia is talking with Hannah and grandpa with Ana. Mom and dad are also talking and whispering to each other. Dad looks at me with a concerned face; I think I'm the only one struggling to talk to anyone. I put my head down and continue to eat.

'Matt are you OK, you're very quiet.' Hannah whispers.

'Don't worry, I'll be ok once dinner is over and we can move from this table.' I whisper back in her ear.

The MC appears during dessert with Gretchen, as usual she doesn't take her eyes off Christian, who never notices but again Ana notices. Mia hands the MC our envelope and then he asks mom to pull out the winning bill, its Sean's. Everyone applauds politely as Gretchen awards him a silk wrapped gift basket.

Ana stands to leave the table, all the men stand as well and I follow their lead. Mia announces that she will take Ana to the powder room and Hannah decides to go as do the other women at our table. Christian takes the opportunity to question me.

'What have you done?' he asks. I look at him and say nothing. He continues 'Mom called you Matthew, she didn't hug you, you are not sat next to her, she hasn't spoken to you throughout the meal, do I need to continue?'

'She's angry with me.' I mutter

'Jeez Matt, I think I worked that one out. But why? She's never angry with you.'

'I can't tell you, you will shout and make a scene and be angrier than mom.' I say. Thankfully the women make their return at this point so Christian can't say anymore, though he does mouth 'later' at me before turning his attention to Ana. Shit that's all I need tonight, I'll have to avoid Christian for the rest of the evening.

We've now come to the auction part of the evening, I sit there holding hands with Hannah, actually I'm feeling quite relaxed now as we'll be able to move somewhere away from the family soon.

'Are you ok now?' Hannah whispers, nibbling my ear at the same time.

'That makes me feel better.' I whisper back and she grins at me. 'We will go outside for some air as soon as this is finished; I want to be alone with you.'

'Hmm, alone time with you. I couldn't think of anything better.'She says and grins at me.

We don't really take much notice of the auction. We're in our own little world until Ana bids a ridiculous amount for Christian's house in Aspen. Everyone at the table looks at her shocked, before applauding politely. I think Christian looks angry as he whispers something to her, but it soon turns to a smile and they look at each other lovingly. The final lot is mom and dad's house in Montana, again someone makes an outrageous bid and everyone applauds.

It is now time for the first dance auction.

'Are you supposed to be doing this?' I ask Hannah.

'I was but backed out when your mom and Mia said that it probably wasn't best with it being my first ball, so Ana agreed to do it instead. I know it's her first ball as well but she is older and more mature so she will cope better with whoever wins her.' Hannah says in way of explanation.

'That won't be a problem, Christian will win her. He won't let anyone else dance with her' I reply.

Most people have now made their way over to the stage area so I take Hannah's hand and we make our move to disappear for a while. I don't think anyone notices. We go to the other side of the boathouse so we're out of view from everyone. Immediately I kiss Hannah and she returns it with the same passion. I place my hand on her bare back; the skin is warm and smooth. Her hand goes immediately to my growing erection and I groan. I want her here, now. I pull away.

'This dress is too long, I can't touch you.'

'Do you think anyone will see us here?' She asks. I shake my head. 'Ok, sit on the fence.' I do as I'm told, slightly puzzled. She undoes my fly and then her hand is inside pulling me free. 'I owe you one Matt Grey for the other night before I had to sit through dinner with your parents' and with that she puts me in her mouth. Her tongue teases me and her hand moves up and down stroking gently then more firmly. Her head dips moving in a steady rhythm, tongue swirling at the tip and then she draws me to the back of her mouth. I groan, there is no feeling like it. 'Hannah, I'm gonna come' at which point she bites down and I explode in her mouth. She swallows and then her mouth is on me, I can taste myself but prefer hers. We draw for breath, and I take the opportunity to put myself away and zip myself up.

'Well I wasn't expecting that.' I say.

'Are you feeling better?'

'Much thank you, more relaxed.'

'Do you think we should go back before we're missed?'

'No, we'll be ok for a while yet, after the auction they do the first dance so no one will notice.' I say, kissing her once more. Someone coughs and I look round, it's Taylor.

'Matthew, Mr Grey was wondering where you were as you gave security the slip. It's probably best if you return to the tent, they have just finished the first dance.' I seem to lose track of time when I'm locked in a passionate embrace with Hannah.

'Thank you Taylor for coming to find us, we'll return now so that he doesn't worry.' I say.

I take Hannah's hand and we slowly walk back towards the tent where he other guests are. As we enter Christian is stood at the side of the dance floor as Ana dances with John Flynn. We stand next to him.

'Taylor found you then, where did you go?'

'For some privacy.' I say smirking at him.

'You gave security the slip, I told you earlier to keep them close all day.' He then leans in close and hisses in my ear so only I can hear. 'Do you have a condom?' I look at him with a shocked expression. 'I take it that's a no. Here, have this one and make sure you always have one on you, you never know when you might need it.' He tucks the foil packet in the pocket of my suit, then walks onto the dance floor to Ana. I grab Hannah's hand and follow him so that Hannah and I can dance. We're used to this as we always partnered each other at school when we had dance lessons so are attuned with each other's bodies and the music, though it feels so much better now we are together properly.

'Matt, did Christian just give you what I thought he did?'

'Yes' I grin at her. 'Maybe we need to find some more alone time.'

She smiles shyly and then says 'What's with the security, are we being watched?'

I freeze slightly but I don't think she notices. 'Christian just wanted extra tonight so they could keep an eye on us. With all the people here my family can't watch me all the time. You know how over protective they are. I kiss her and luckily she seems to accept my explanation.

Dad taps me on the shoulder. 'May I dance with Hannah?' he asks. I nod and give him her hand. 'I think your mother may want a dance with you.' He says with a smile. I look to the edge of the dance floor. She is watching me, I walk towards her nervously. I approach her cautiously not knowing what to say or what to expect. She surprises me by enveloping me in a hug for all to see, before whispering in my ear.

'Darling boy, I'm sorry I was so angry. Please forgive me. I've ruined your night.'

'Hey mom, I'm sorry too, I was so stupid. It's probably been difficult for both of us this evening. We should have spoken this afternoon. Shall we dance?' I ask. She takes my hand and I lead her onto the dance floor. We dance a couple of numbers and then I find myself back with Hannah, dad is now with Ana and mom with Christian. Before long mom and dad are dancing together and Christian and Ana are moving elegantly round the dance floor as if they've been together years.

At midnight the six of us stroll together to the shore to watch the fireworks. Hannah stands in front of me, and gasps as the music starts and the first rockets are launched. I pull her to me tightly, enjoying the comfort I feel as she stands in my arms. The fireworks draw to a close and we all have wide grins on our faces at the spectacular event we have just witnessed. I kiss Hannah.

'You OK?' I ask.

'Yes, tired though.' She replies.

'Let's head back. Are you still staying here tonight?' I ask hopefully.

'If that's ok.'

'Hmm, of course it is. Let's disappear to my room now.' I smirk at her then kiss her again. I take her hand and make to move but Christian places a hand on my shoulder.

'Wait a few minutes until the crowd disperses.' He says. I hear the music begin once more. Taylor is near and he nods at Christian so we can now make our way back to the house. Hannah and I walk ahead with Taylor as Christian and Ana walk behind. I tell him we're going to go inside now and to bed so we won't need security.

'OK, I'll inform them to stand down. Have a good evening, Matthew, Hannah.' He says as he bids us farewell.

Mia tries to get us on the dance floor once more but all of us are too tired.

I kiss Ana's cheek as I say goodbye to her, then I shake Christian's hand. He pulls me towards him and says 'I see mom is happier with you now but I still want to know what made her so angry. I'll look forward to our meeting at work on Monday.' I gulp, how am I going to get out of this one.

We meander through the guests and then before going into the house we say goodnight to mom and dad then leave to allow Christian and Ana to say there goodbyes.


	29. Chapter 29-Hmmm

I lock the bedroom door behind me and Hannah smiles. Moving towards her I help her unzip her dress and my hands move straight to her breasts, I bend to kiss one and she moans. Her hands move down to try and unzip my trousers but I move back slightly.

'You had your fun earlier it's my turn.' I say.

'Oh Matt, please let me touch you. It gets me so excited.'

'No touching, or I will tie your hands.' I tell her as I take off my bow tie. 'I want to please you.'

'You do all the time. Please let me feel you.'

'No.' I say, helping her out of her dress. 'We have all night, if you touch me it will be over too quickly and then we will fall asleep.' I kiss her lips, I feel her desperation as she returns and deepens the kiss so I move her towards the bed. Pulling the duvet off I pick her up and put her in the middle, then straddle her body and pin her hands above her head.

'I can't move.' She moans.

'That's the idea.' I say. 'Did you enjoy the ball this evening?'

She lifts her head. 'Are we just going to talk because we can do that cuddled up underneath the duvet?'

'No, I'm going to kiss you all over soon but first I want to ask you some questions. Did you have a good time tonight?'

'I did actually, everyone was really nice to me, even Christian.'

'Did he scare you?'

'No, not at all. In fact he made me laugh a few times and he's never done that before.'

'That's because he knows you're making his little brother happy.' I smirk at her.

She moves her hips suggestively and says 'You're hardly little!'

'Behave yourself and keep still.' I jump off the bed and go to the closet. 'Stay there, don't move'

'What are you doing?' she asks.

'I'm going to make sure you can't touch me.' I say as I show her my tie. 'Then I can kiss your body with no distractions. Give me your hands.' She does as she's told but her eyes are wide. I kiss her lips and say 'Don't worry, you can always tell me to stop and I will untie you.'

'OK.' She replies hesitantly.

'Hey, I'm not going to hurt you, but I know you will touch me and you need to learn some control.' I finish tying her hands to the bed frame and then kiss her on the lips passionately, forcing my tongue in.

'How does that feel?'

'Good.' She says as she raises her head.

'Lie back and relax, just enjoy the sensations.' I tell her as I move down to kiss her breasts. First one and then the other. Biting, nibbling and kissing until she is writhing underneath me. I stop and look at her, she is beautiful and I have left my mark on her like she has on my shoulders on a few occasions. 'Keep still. Did that feel good?'

'Hmm, more than good. Will you take your clothes off?'

'Would you prefer that?' I ask. She nods, so I jump off the bed once again to slowly remove my clothes. Back on the bed once more I push my erection into her hip.

'I'd rather you were inside me.' She says.

'It's too soon.' And once more I kiss her, trailing the kisses down her body towards her sex. Her back arches and she raises her hips off the bed. 'Keep still' I warn her 'Let your body absorb the pleasure.' I push a finger inside her and she's wet already. 'Oh Hannah, you are so ready. Do you want me to take you?

'Yes.' She whispers. I ignore her and push another finger inside, I then dip my head and kiss her clit, she moans. I feel her insides clench and quicken, I know she is close so stop. Leaving my fingers in there I move up her body once more with a trail of kisses until I reach her breasts and again kiss those in turn. I start the gentle movement below again and she groans, I continue with the kissing and touching and then press the heel of my hand against her. Her breathing is ragged now as she is close again. I move further up her body and whisper in her ear 'Come for me baby.' And her orgasm explodes. I continue the gentle circling with my fingers as she continues to writhe beneath me and then she stills.

'Oh Matt, that was good, it felt different as it went on and on.'

'Control.' I whisper. 'I want to try something now, please tell me if it hurts and we will stop.'

As she nods I flip her onto her front and then lie on top of her. I'm going to take you like this, is that ok.'

'Yes.' she replies as I reach for a condom from the top drawer. I rip the foil packet and roll the condom on, then gently pull her legs apart before ramming into her.

'Matt.' she shouts.

I stop immediately 'Hey baby, did I hurt you?'

'Sort of, just be gentle till I get used to it.' I start again, moving slowly in and out.

'Ok, that feels good you can move faster now.' I increase the pace, then once again I am ramming myself hard to fill her. I can feel her insides quicken again 'Come on baby.' And she does and I give one final thrust before my release. I collapse on top of her, then I pull myself out so I can lie at her side, stroking her hair.

'Was that OK?' I ask.

'Hmmm'

'Are you going to sleep?'

'Hmmm'

I reach up to undo the tie; Hannah flexes her arms and then rolls on her side. I pull her into my chest and wrap my arms around her and then we both sleep.

I feel Hannah stir beside me, it's still dark outside.

'You OK baby?' I murmur.

'Yes, Matt is your mom OK about us? She seemed pretty angry yesterday.'

'She was fine with you, just angry with me. She blamed me for Friday evening.'

'But I was as much to blame.'

'Don't worry, she's fine now. She just spent most of the evening ignoring me, it's not something I'm used to but I think dad must have spoken to her because she was OK by the end of the night.'

She lies on her back and I rest on my elbow, looking at her.

'Christian noticed though and was questioning what I'd been up to. I managed to get away without revealing anything but I have a work meeting scheduled for tomorrow lunchtime so I know he will question me again.'

Hannah flinches 'Oh, that could be grim.'

'I know, I think I might just forget to turn up.' I say, kissing her ear. I change the subject. 'You know I mentioned about us going to Yale together, I think I've changed my mind.'

'Why, don't you want us to be together?' she asks looking panicked.

'Sorry, I didn't put that right. I know you've been set on Pullman for the last few years and I was looking at the courses there and think I might try mechanical engineering.'

'But I thought you wanted to do business law and economics, I mean even Harvard approached you to study that.'

'I know but I think I was only interested in that because of dad and Christian. I looked at the engineering course and it sounds like the thing I've been looking for. You learn how to convert energy from natural sources into other useful energy to provide power, light, heat, cooling and transportation. You can also learn how to design machines to lighten the burden of human work. It sounds so interesting and when I've finished I'd probably be able to work for Christian, it's the sort of thing that his company does.'

'Wow, you sound so passionate about it already. I've never heard you talk like this about work before.'

'I know, it's taken me all this time to realise what I want to do. So what do you think? Shall we apply to WSU and Pullman when we go back to school?'

'Yes, but will your family be OK about you doing that? They won't think you're doing it just because of me will they.'

'They will be happy with whatever I choose.' I say and kiss her once more. I move on top of her and reach for the condoms, putting one on I slip straight inside her, she is ready for me and we move as one and climax together.

When I wake again it is light. Hannah is still sleeping. I leave her to rest and pulling on shorts and t-shirt make my way downstairs. Mom and dad are already up and are halfway through breakfast. Mom stands to hug me and I hug her back and kiss her head.

'Morning mom'

'Morning, there's coffee in the pot and there's some pancakes and bacon left if you want them.'

'Thank you, where's Mia?'

'She's already gone out, apparently a group of them had planned a hike and picnic and they were leaving early.' I raise my eyebrows at mom questionably. She smiles and says 'Yes there was a boy involved. Did Hannah stay over last night?' She now asks trying to be casual. I nod, wondering where she is going with this.

'Have you talked about contraception?'

Gulp, talk about being direct, but I suppose that's the doctor in her. I reply flippantly 'No mom, I just thought we could come to you every time we had sex and ask for the morning after pill.'

There's a huge intake of breath. Dad shouts 'Matthew' in a warning tone as mom says 'Matthew Grey I did not bring you up to come out with comments like that. I should wash your mouth out with soap. Maybe I should have been stricter with you instead of always being protective and indulging you.'

I help myself to breakfast and sit at the table. 'Sorry mom, sorry dad. Don't worry we will be careful from now on, to be honest mom you being angry with me yesterday was enough to be a good contraceptive.'

'Well being angry with you is not something I wish to repeat anytime soon.'

'I don't want you to repeat it again ever.' I mutter as I look her in the eye.

She rises from the table with her dishes and then as she passes kisses me on the cheek and smiling at me says 'Well be good then.'

Dad puts his head back in his newspaper and mom clears the table. Mom tells me her and dad plan to take the boat cruiser out soon with a picnic on board and asks if I'd like to join them with Hannah, that way the she can relax on the deck chatting with Hannah whilst dad and I sail the boat. I jump at the chance; it will be good to spend time together. I go to wake Hannah and ask her if she's ok with the plans.

'Hey baby, it's time to wake up.' I say kissing her. 'It's a beautiful day and I wondered if you wanted to go out sailing.'

Hannah sits up now. 'Matt, I don't know anything about sailing.'

'I know, you can sit on the deck sunbathing and chat with mom, I'll sail the boat with dad. We'll take a picnic and spend most of the day out on the water. It will be fun and relaxing. Please say yes, it was mom's idea, I think they want to spend some time with us.'

'Ok, for you anything. Have I got time for a quick shower?'

'Of course, I will go and make you some breakfast so it's ready when you come downstairs.' I kiss her and go back to the kitchen to make her breakfast and help mom with the picnic.

My phone vibrates as I'm almost done. It's a text from Christian. 'Keep your security fully informed of your plans today. They need to know your every move.' I wonder why, is his control freakishness getting out of control, he's being even more over protective than usual.

I text him back letting him know of our plans so that he doesn't worry. 'Going sailing with mom, dad and Hannah for rest of day. Is that ok with you?' I add thinking he can't argue about the fact that I'm spending the day with mom and dad.

'I will inform your security of your plans. I need to know you are safe.' Is his reply. He can be so formal, I wonder why he's worrying about my safety but let the thought drop from my head as Hannah enters the kitchen.


	30. Chapter 30-Family

I pull a chair out and Hannah sits down, placing her breakfast in front of her I go to kiss her ear but she freezes.

'What's the matter?' I ask concerned.

'Nothing' she replies sulkily.

'Hannah have I done something to upset you?' she starts to eat, not saying anything, just looking at me warily, tears forming in her eyes. 'Tell me, we can't sort out whatever it is unless I know.'

I pace up and down in front of her, racking my brains as to what I could have done. 'Jeez Hannah just tell me, you're always the strong one, direct and vocal. I don't like it when you go silent on me.' I say almost angrily. I stop opposite; look at her, leaning on my hands that I've placed on the table. More gently now I say 'Is it something I have done to you?'

'Yes.' She whispers. My heart sinks. I pull out a chair and sit down. I watch her as she slowly finishes the omelette I have made her. As she places her knife and fork on the plate she looks at me, a single tear escapes and rolls down her cheek.

I take her hands in mine. 'Let's go outside, mom will be in here soon to finish getting everything ready. We can talk out there.' I let go of her hands and move round the table to take one again as I lead her through the door into the back yard. There's a hive of activity as people move around clearing up after last night. We walk unnoticed towards the shore in silence. Standing facing her I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, then trail my hand gently to her chin, tipping it up so that she's looking at me. I want to kiss her desperately, but am fearful she will turn away.

'Please Hannah; tell me what I have done to upset you.'

She lets go of my hand and then pulls down her vest top slightly so I can see the top of her breasts.

'You don't like the marks.' I whisper and she shakes her head. I take her in my arms and hug her tightly. 'I'm sorry baby; I didn't think you would mind.' To be honest I almost sag with relief. We walk to the jetty and sit on the edge over the water. I put my arm round her and she rests her head on my shoulder.

'Hannah I am really sorry, I won't do it again. I honestly thought you would be ok with them.'

'Why?'

'Because you have left your mark a few times on my shoulder, even Christian saw them. At least yours are hidden; I can't take my t-shirt off in front of my parents.'

'Sorry, it felt good when I did it to you, and I liked seeing them on your shoulder. It was like I was marking you to warn others you were taken, but when I saw them on me I was horrified.'

'Hey.' I say, touching her cheek. 'I don't mind them on me. In fact I quite like them on you. It shows you are mine. But I won't do it again if you don't like it. No more marks.'

'OK, no more marks.' She replies and smiles. I kiss her, she returns it with passion and I am soon lost in her.

I pull away. 'Are we OK?' I ask, she nods and smiles. 'Good because mom and dad are on their way down to the boathouse. Do you need to go back to the house for anything?'

'No, but I'll just quickly call my mom to let her know what I'm doing today'

'OK, I'll leave you to do that whilst I grab a couple of things.'

I make my way up to the house to get my phone, camera, sunglasses and a couple of baseball caps. Heading back outside I see Evans and James. I tell them that we are about to leave on the boat, Taylor had already informed them of my plans and they are to wait at the house until we return. I think it's a little over the top but I can't say anything as I don't want to get in Christian's bad books before I see him tomorrow. On my way to the boathouse I text Elliot. I'm missing my oldest brother but he should be home soon. 'Hey, hope you have some time for sunbathing so you get a tan!' he replies instantly 'Don't be cheeky little bro! The control freak informs me you have a girlfriend :) ' I grin, nothing stays a secret in this family. 'Yes, it's Hannah' I click send and again he replies 'Your partner in crime! Way to go, am happy for you! Laters E' I smile, no doubt I'll be in for some teasing on his return.

Dad has already got the boat out and is waiting for me at the end of the jetty. Mom and Hannah are settled on the deck. It's an absolutely beautiful day, a perfect one for sailing as we set off. I can hear mom and Hannah's idle chatter in the back ground as dad steers the boat out onto Lake Washington.

'Did you enjoy the ball last night?' dad asks.

'Some parts more than others. Dinner was difficult, I missed sitting next to mom.' I reply.

'I know, she was angry though, her little boy is now a grown up, she's finding it difficult to let go.'

'But she seemed fine about me going out with Hannah, even letting her stay over in my room. Elliot never had any of his girlfriends over and I can't see her letting Mia have boys in her room so why is she treating me differently.' I ask.

'Elliot had a different girl every week and it wouldn't have set a good example to the rest of you, Christian was having a difficult time, and you and Mia were so young. Mia is a girl, your mom probably thinks if she doesn't approve it won't happen and Mia is far from settled with anyone, last night was a prime example, Sean was her date during dinner, she didn't dance with the same man twice and then at the end of the night was kissing someone else. But you and Hannah just seem so relaxed and happy together, it's like you've always been a couple and I think mom would rather have the pair of you here where she can keep an eye out for you than elsewhere.'

'I am happy dad; it feels like we've been together so much longer than a week.'

'Good, if you're happy then we're happy.'

'Last week when we talked about my future and I wanted to do business law and economics to be like you and Christian, then I wanted to build houses to be like Elliot, you said you wanted me to do what I wanted and not what was expected of me. It made me think about what I really wanted to do. I know I have all the businesses but as you said they can look after themselves with the people that are in charge at the moment.' Dad looks at me wondering where I'm going with this conversation. 'Well I've decided I want to go to university after I finish school next year and do mechanical engineering.'

'Wow, that's totally unexpected but I'm really happy that you are taking control of your own future and not doing what anyone in the family wants you to do.'

'I still want to work for Christian though, and I will of course take an interest in my company but this is something I really want to do. When I was telling Hannah earlier she said that she's never seen me be so passionate when I talked about anything to do with work before and she's right. I was looking for us to go to university together, we thought about Yale, me to do law and her art. She said she would go wherever I wanted but I knew that she's wanted to go to Pullman for a while so I looked to see what they had to offer and it just came to me that this was what I'd been looking for. Knowing that she would be happy to move to the other side of the country for me made the decision easy that I could go to Pullman with her. It also means that I won't be far from you and mom, which had been a factor into whether I would go away or not.'

'I'm delighted and proud with the way you're making these decisions. Your mom will be pleased to. She worried you would just work for Christian as an easy option because he would protect you but if you go away then you can become your own man before returning to work for him. She'll also be delighted that you're not going too far and that's it a drive away rather than a plane ride away. Here, you take control whilst I go and get the ladies a drink and check they are ok.'

He leaves me with my thoughts, I'm happy that he's pleased. Everything seems to be falling into place. I pick up my camera, Hannah looks so happy, relaxed, smiling as she chats with mom. I click away; she looks so beautiful through my viewfinder. I'm totally in love.

I watch as dad takes mom and Hannah some drinks, dad kisses mom on the cheek and she smiles. He sits next to her and she leans into him. They are totally in love after all these years and I hope I feel like that when I get to their age. Dad says something to Hannah and she giggles, whilst mom swats his arm. It's great to see that they have accepted her as my girlfriend so quickly and she is comfortable with them. She must feel me watching as she glances up and smiles shyly. I grin back at her so she excuses herself from mom and dad's company and she comes over to me.

I pull her in front of me so that she's stood between my legs, her back to my front. I kiss her neck and can feel her smile; she's relaxed as well now.

'Thank you for bringing me here to do this today. It's so perfect and it's good to spend time with your mom and dad' she says.

'You're welcome baby. I truly am sorry about leaving those marks on you. You must say if I do anything you don't like. I don't want to hurt you.' I say and kiss her neck once more.

'Everything else was ok, in fact more than ok. I liked being tied up.' She turns and grins at me, blushing slightly.

'Hmmm, I'll have to see if I can come up with any more ideas.' I say trying to look serious but instead smirking back at her.

Dad returns to steer the boat, he's going to drop the anchor soon. I go and get a drink and leave Hannah with dad, when I return dad is pointing out the different landmarks to her so I go and sit with mom.

'You look so happy darling.' Mom says.

'I am mom, I don't remember feeling this good in a long time. Everything just seems to be falling into place. Did dad tell you about me going to university next year?'

'Yes he did, and I'm so glad you've chosen something for yourself rather than you doing something that you think would please us, like the law for dad, economics for Christian and construction for Elliot. You are totally different to them all and you have to do things for you. Dad and I are very proud of what you're doing and you've changed so much in the last week or so, in a good way.'

'Thanks mom. Do you think we could look through some of the photo albums this week? When dad and Christian were talking about different things like houses and vacations it was upsetting that I couldn't remember anything about that time. I think I might have just totally blocked it from my memory.'

'You probably have but I'll look out the albums and you can either look on your own or I'll sit with you and go through them, whichever you'd find easier.'

'I love you mom, I'm so sorry I made you angry yesterday.'

'It's over now and in the past, I'm pleased that you felt you could come to me for help and if you need help again then I'll be there from you. You have to make mistakes and learn from them. Come on, let's go and get the picnic out.'

The four of us eat, it's relaxed. I seem to be the main target for teasing as they remember some of the antics that I got up to at school, mom and dad reliving the countless times they had to sit in the principal's office as if they were the ones in trouble. Hannah filling in the parts that they didn't know about. I take lots of photos, mom and dad together, on their own and lots of Hannah. Dad takes the camera off me at one point and takes some of me and Hannah together.

When we've finished the food mom starts to clear up and tells the pair of us to have some alone time on the deck, dad will sit and read the paper here and once she's finished putting things away she'll read a magazine. I pull Hannah up by the hand and we go and lie next to each other in the sun on the deck.

'You're so close to your mom and dad aren't you? It's lovely that we spend time with them and they seem so welcoming to me being with you.'

'Yes I am, I love spending time with them, do you mind that we came with them today?'

'No, it's been great. It's like I have a new family within such a short time. I mean I love my parents but dad is away with work most of the time and mom is busy with her business or she's babysitting my nephews and nieces, my three brothers have eight kids between them and she's running round after them that sometimes I feel like I'm forgotten about as I just tend to get on with it. It's so good to sit with your mom and chat and even Mia when she's around.'

'I'm glad that you like being part of my family. You've just slotted right in as if you've always belonged. Today has been so good, really relaxing and when we have dinner at home it's like it's always happened. I thought I might feel awkward being with you around my parents but it feels natural that we're together and I can still hold your hand and give you a quick kiss in front of them. I like being alone with you as well though.' I say with a grin on my face.

'So do I, and we seem to have got the balance right.'

'Hmmm.' I say and lean over her for a kiss. 'I love you'

Hannah deepens the kiss before replying 'I love you too.'

I sit up and pull Hannah to sit between my legs, I kiss the top of her head and then we sit in companionable silence looking at the view. This is how mom finds us.

'You two look so comfortable together, totally relaxed and happy.' She says. 'I'm sorry to interrupt you though, but dad's just pulling up the anchor, we're going to start sailing back towards home.'

'I'll go and help him mom, you sit here on the deck and relax with Hannah.' I give Hannah a quick kiss on the cheek and leave them to chat as I help dad.

As we arrive home I help mom and Hannah onto the jetty with all the gear and bags and then jump back on board to help dad put the boat back in the boathouse. We meander slowly back up towards the house. Hannah and I are slightly behind mom and dad.

'Shall I take you home now? I've got some work I need to do before tomorrow.'

'Sure, that would be good. I'm working all this week as well so have a few things to do. I've also got gym classes the next couple of evenings so am not free until Wednesday. Can we meet then?' she asks.

'Of course. Whilst you're at gym it will give me some time to swim and exercise, shall I collect you about 7pm on Wednesday.'

'Yes, that will be good.'

We leave all the bags on the kitchen table; I tell mom that I'm going to drop Hannah home. Mom and dad see us to the front door.

As mom kisses Hannah on the cheek, Hannah says 'Thank you so much for having me, letting me stay and taking me out today, it has been wonderful, and thank you also for helping me and Matt.'

'No problem.' Mom says 'it's been a pleasure having you and you're welcome anytime.'

Dad then hugs Hannah and says 'Goodbye, come again soon its lovely having you here.'

'Thank you' Hannah says and we go to leave.

I open Hannah's door and she gets in, I don't have time to whisper in her ear as I'm looking round to see if Evans or James are around. I can see their SUV but not them. Before I get in the car I call Taylor, I don't want to disturb Christian. He answers straight away.

'Matthew is there a problem?'

'Hi Taylor, I'm just about to take Hannah home but there's no sign of my security although the SUV is on the drive. Where do they go when they're here and should I have their number so I can call them?'

'I'll call them now and will send you the details.'

'Thank you Taylor.'

'No problem, I'm glad that you phoned me.'

I click off and wait. Two minutes later both men appear from the other side of the garage. They nod in acknowledgement and climb into the SUV so I get in my car.

'Sorry about that baby, I just had to check something with Taylor'

'Christian's bodyguard?'

'Yes, for some reason they want to know my every move at the moment so I had to tell him I was taking you home.'

I check in my mirrors and the SUV is not too far behind.

'Will your brother always want to know where you're going and what you're doing?'

'Why?' I ask, stalling for time.

'It just seems strange that's all that he needs to know exactly what you're up to.'

'Well I know the reason why he's doing it at the moment, something happened ten days ago whilst I was at his apartment and he's concerned about my safety.'

She whips her head round to look at me. 'Were you hurt?'

'No, I'll tell you a bit more but first you must promise not to tell anyone else.'

'I promise.'

'Christian was away, Mrs Jones the housekeeper had just made my breakfast. We heard a noise and someone had broken into the apartment. It was a woman and she tried to open up a vein with a knife, she was taken to hospital but discharged herself. The last few days I felt like I was being watched and thought I saw her. I mentioned it to Christian and now he wants to know exactly where I am until he can locate this woman, he's got people out looking for her.'

'Blimey Matt, no wonder he's worried about you. I thought he was just being over protective of you as usual and taking it too far. Thanks for telling me, I understand his concern now'

'That's ok, hopefully she'll be found soon and then Christian can relax again and I won't have to tell him what I'm up to.' I seem to have got away with telling her a little bit of information to keep her quiet, hopefully she won't realise that we're being followed everywhere. I signal to turn into her drive and the SUV carries straight on, I presume they will turn round further up the road and then wait.

I open Hannah's car door for her and then take her in my arms to kiss her goodbye. Retrieving her bags from the trunk I then walk her to the front door. As I go to kiss her goodbye the door opens, Hannah's dad is just leaving to drive to the airport as he has a flight to catch for work. He bids us farewell and kisses Hannah's cheek. Her mom comes to say goodbye to him as well so I don't get my usual prolonged kiss.

'I'll call you tomorrow. Have a good day at work. I'll miss you.' I say

'I'll miss you as well, see you soon Matt.'

I climb into my car and wait for Hannah's dad to exit the drive first. As he pulls away I notice the SUV start to follow him, can they not tell the difference between my car and his, I mean they're both silver but the number plates are different and they're a slightly different shape. Should I call Taylor again or just go, it will take me less than ten minutes to get home. I call.

'Taylor, I'm sorry to trouble you again. I have a problem this time.' I explain to him what has happened with the security. He is furious with them but tries to stay calm for my benefit.

'Matthew, how long will it take you to drive home?'

'Eight minutes.' I reply

'OK, I want you to drive straight there but keep talking to me the whole way, I'm going to be tracking you as well but I want to know everything, roads that you're passing, cars that are in front of you and behind and the license plate numbers if you can read them as well. Keep talking the whole way.'

'OK, I'm setting off now.' I keep the dialogue going; Taylor is quiet for most of it only interrupting occasionally to confirm a car color or the next landmark I can see. 'I'm pulling into the drive now.'

'OK, park the car and then take the phone off the cradle, keep talking to me. I want to know that you are through the front door and safely in the house.'

I do as he tells me. 'OK Taylor, I'm inside now, the front door is shut and dad is in the hallway with me.'

'Thank you Matthew. Can you hand the phone to your Mr Grey? I'll just have a quick word with him.'

I hand the phone to dad, telling him it's Taylor. He takes it into the study and I go to the kitchen to find mom. She's making dinner so I start to help her. Dad appears five minutes later and hands me my phone back.

'What time do you need to be at work tomorrow?' he asks me.

'About eight.' I reply puzzled.

'That's good; I'll drop you off on my way to the office.' He says. I don't argue as I'm sure he's just following Taylor's instructions.

After dinner I clear away everything whilst mom and dad go and relax. I'm supposed to do some work ready for tomorrow but am so exhausted after the busy weekend. I grab my camera and head upstairs. I look through the photos that I have taken today. I smile as either mom or dad have taken a few of Hannah and I when she was sat between my legs on the deck. I turn the camera off and collapse on the bed with just enough energy to pull the duvet across me and then I'm asleep and dreaming.


	31. Chapter 31-Tough

'Bye mom'

'Bye darling boy, have a good day'

'Thanks, you too, see you tonight.' I kiss mom on the cheek and then make a dash to dad's car, he's sat waiting for me, wipers going as it's pouring with rain.

'Morning dad.'

'Morning Matt, breakfast?'

'I didn't have time' I say as I bite into an apple.

'Don't let Christian hear you say that.'

'Don't worry, I won't. Though if I'd eaten I'd have been late for work so he'd be angry either way. Dad, did Taylor say why you had to take me to work?'

'Yes, it's to do with your security.'

'Is that it, don't you think Taylor and Christian are being a bit over the top.'

'No.' he replies. I look at him in the hope that he will tell me more but he switches on the radio to listen to the traffic news. I don't think I will get any more out of him so will have to ask Christian later.

There's no view to look at today the visibility isn't great as we cross the bridge and head downtown.

As we near Grey House dad says 'I'll be finishing work about 4pm today and going straight home, I think your mom will be finished at the hospital about 7pm so let us know if you need a lift back. Otherwise I think Taylor said he would give you a lift.'

'Why can't I drive my own car?'

'We're here now; you'll have to ask Christian. See you tonight.' He says.

He's parked by the sidewalk and waits until I enter Grey House before he leaves. I'm surprised I was actually allowed to do that on my own the way everyone has been reacting lately. As I cross the foyer to the elevators I hear Christian call out to me. He's just entered the building.

'Matt, 20th floor.' So I move across to call that elevator

'Why isn't your phone on?'

'Why are you tracking me so early in the morning?' I tut with annoyance.

'Hey, I'm asking the questions. Are you in a bad mood?'

'Well I wasn't until you started asking your stalker questions. My phone isn't switched on because I overslept and was running late. Dad was on the drive, engine running so I was rushing and I just shoved the phone in my pocket and forgot about it.'

'Did you eat?'

'I knew you'd ask that question, so yes I did. Dad let me eat in the car.' I'm not telling him it was only an apple. We arrive at the 20th floor and he ushers me into his office.

'You ate in the car? And dad let you?' he smiles. 'I was only trying to get hold of you this morning because I want you to attend the 8.30a.m breakfast meeting with me.'

'Does that mean we get breakfast?' I ask.

'I thought you'd eaten.' He growls at me. I look away. 'What did you actually eat?'

'Food' I reply and smile at him. He raises an eyebrow at me. 'An apple. Did you have a good day with Ana yesterday?'

'Don't try and change the subject. You should have eaten properly. But yes we did have a good day, we did the same as you, we went sailing.'

'On The Grace?' I ask, slightly shocked. He's never taken any of the family out on the water in her, always sailing alone.

'Yes, I needed her somewhere safe.'

'So I'm not the only one you're being over protective with at the moment then, can you tell me why?'

'Maybe, later, we have this meeting now. I'm pleased you called Taylor yesterday for help, at least you're thinking about your safety. You could have called me.'

'I didn't want to interrupt your day with Ana' I say quietly.

He puts a hand on my shoulder 'Matt, I'll still be there for you if you need me. Come on let's get this meeting over with, Andrea has scheduled you in at 11.30 later, we can have lunch together as we've got a couple of hours.'

I enter the meeting room, it's only 8.20a.m, Ros is already there, her and Christian stand at the side of the room discussing something whilst we wait for the other people to arrive. I pick up a pad of paper on the way in and a pen in case I need to make notes. Andrea brings in some coffee.

'Hi Matthew, I didn't realise you'd be attending this meeting. Do you want coffee or would you prefer something else?'

'Morning Andrea, coffee will be fine today. Is there anything to eat?'

'Follow me, there are some blueberry muffins. You've got five minutes before the others arrive.'

I follow Andrea back through reception and to a room that's concealed on the other side off her desk; it's quite small but functional sink, fridge, coffee machine and a couple of cupboards for storage. She hands me a plate and passes me a box with the muffins in, I only take a couple as I think this is all I can eat in this short time, she also gives me a glass of water.

'I'm going back to my desk now, just leave your glass and plate on the side and I will clear them away, you haven't got long.'

'Thank you.' I say

I feel better once I have more food inside me and after draining the glass of water I make my way back through reception into the meeting room. It's still just Christian and Ros but the others have just arrived in the elevator. Christian raises an eyebrow at me as if to question where I've been but I just smile back. He can't question me as there are now four people entering the room. They shake hands firstly with Christian, then Ros and finally me as Christian introduces me as 'Matt whose here on work experience.'

The meeting starts, I'm not sure how much attention Christian is paying as he's either sending or receiving messages on his blackberry. He doesn't look too happy though so it can't be good news. I doodle on my pad as firstly a man then a lady give a presentation about some turbine technology that they want Christian to fund. Ros is the only one concentrating as she does most of the questioning and taking notes. At one point Christian looks to see what I'm doing, he shakes his head but smiles. I drift off, getting a bit bored now as they close the presentation.

'So Matt, have you got anything to add to the meeting.' Christian says as he meets my eye and smirks. He thinks just because it looks like I've been in my own world that I haven't taken anything in.

'Yes Mr Grey, the numbers don't add up, if the predicted cost of installation is correct along with the current price of the land, then you will not see any profit from this project for at least 18 years and not the two years that was suggested.'

There's a sharp intake of breath from the four people, they scrabble around with their bits of paper and frantically look at the spread sheets on the computer. Ros is looking at me as if I'm from another planet.

'Ladies, gentleman. Perhaps you need to go away and rethink this proposition.' Christian says quite calmly considering they've wasted just over an hour of his time. He shakes their hands as they leave and they thank him for his time. Shutting the door behind them, he says.

'I didn't think you were paying attention, you looked like you were somewhere else.'

'Well at least I wasn't emailing the whole way through.' I retort.

'Is that bad mood still there?' he asks

Ros clears her throat as if to remind us that she's still there, I don't think she wants to witness us having an argument.

'I've got work to do, I'll be back for the 11.30 meeting, see you later. Bye Ros'

'Bye Matthew.' Ros says, as Christian just looks on. I think he's slightly shocked with all my answering back. Well it serves him right he said the other day that I needed to toughen up.


	32. Chapter 32-Scared

Back on the 17th floor I sit at my desk in the accounts department. I stare out of the window; it's still raining so there's not much to see on this gray and dismal day. Perhaps the weather is affecting my mood. I don't know why I keep snapping at Christian but maybe it's something to do with his constant tracking and security issues, if he told me more maybe I would understand. I turn back and switch on the computer; I have so much to do if I'm going to make a decent presentation to Christian in about 90 minutes time.

At 11.25 the phone on my desk rings, its Andrea informing me of the time and that I'm due to meet 'Mr Grey' in five minutes. Why is everyone so formal with him? He must have warned her that I get lost in the moment and that my time keeping is appalling for her to call me, he's the total opposite, never late for anything and hates lateness in others.

I make my way back up to Christian's office arriving at 11.29. He looks at his watch and smirks.

'Did Andrea call you?' he asks

'Yes' I smile back at him.

'Let's get straight down to business and then we can have lunch and talk.' He says. His blackberry vibrates and he checks the message.

'Are you going to be using that thing all the way through our meeting?' I ask trying to smile sweetly at him. He looks at me through narrowed eyes and then drops the phone on his desk.

We make our way over to the meeting desk. I show him what I've been up to the last couple of days. He seems quite impressed with a few ideas that I've come up with. I tell him that when I eventually have overall control of my investments if we merge some of them with Christians it means we will be the majority shareholders. We also look at the small transport company that is starting to make a loss and come up with a couple of ideas to either try and turn it round or break it up to sell on.

There's a knock on the office door and Taylor enters with a couple of bags.

'Mrs Jones sent lunch.' He says. He smiles at me and I smile back.

'Thanks Taylor, did you sort out the other business.' Christian asks. Taylor nods and hands Christian some keys and then leaves the office.

'Let's eat.' Christian says as I tidy up some of the paperwork. He gets out the food, a sub for him and lasagne, salad and ketchup for me.

'Wow, Mrs Jones must have known I was hungry.' I say.

'I did mention that you'd hadn't had a proper breakfast. Is lasagne all you eat at the moment?' he asks.

'Only when Mrs Jones has made it, hers is the best.'

'She spoils you; I think I'll have to have words with her.'

'Are you jealous?' I ask him and he bursts out laughing. We chat as we eat.

'So why the bad mood earlier? It's not like you.'

'I don't know, I think it's to do with all the pressure of security, constantly being watched and having to think about what I'm doing. Yesterday when I dropped Hannah home I would normally just have driven her and not thought about anything but all I could think about was not making you angry.'

'Why are you worrying about making me angry?'

'Because…'

'You're scared of me?'

'Yes.' I mutter as I look down. I continue 'I don't like it when you get angry.'

'Is this to do with the other week?' I nod. 'It still haunts you?' I nod again. 'I'm sorry' he says sounding upset.

I change the subject. 'So can you tell why the need for the extra security?'

He looks at me and then says. 'Will it make you feel better if you know?' I nod. 'OK, the other day when you said that you felt that you were being watched Taylor checked the CCTV in the garage, someone was seen looking at your car, we're not sure if it was the girl or not as they had a hat covering their head. Barney checked the cameras in the parking lot here and we think that the same person was looking at your car again, so he's checked the city cameras and on a few occasions there has been a car with false plates following you but only between here and Escala.'

'So that's why you wanted security following me and why when there wasn't any yesterday Taylor wanted to know all about the cars around me and why I wasn't allowed to drive my car today.'

'Yes, Evans and James have been fired, they were too incompetent. Taylor has just delivered you a new car but you must be vigilant still at all times. If you're worried about anyone following you then you must call either me or Taylor straight away. We'll hang back on the security with this new car but when you leave here you will be tracked and Taylor or Barney will monitor the CCTV. Are you happy with that?'

'Yes, thanks for telling me.'

'No problem, remember to be careful at all times though. How's Hannah?'

'Very well' I say blushing slightly. I change the subject hoping he's not going to delve too deeply. 'We had a good day yesterday with mom and dad on the boat. I've decided that I'll go to university next year. I want to study mechanical engineering and when I've finished want to work for you if you'll have me here.'

'Wow, mechanical engineering. Where?' he asks

'Pullman, so I won't be too far away.'

'Good, and of course there will always be a job here for you. What about your music company and investments though?'

'Well the music business can look after itself with the executives that are already there. Most of the other investments we can merge and you can look after them. I can work for you and carry on as normal.'

'So you don't want to be a CEO'

'Not at the moment, I'll leave that to you. When you were 18 you could just be a normal teenager, thinking about going to university, sport, beer and girls. That's what I want to experience. I don't want the responsibility of the companies, houses and money just yet. Yes I know it's there but I just want to have fun but work hard and see what I can achieve on my own.'

'I admire you for that, it would be easy for you just to take over everything, you could almost do it now, I have never known anyone with a brain like yours, in the meeting this morning you were awesome. I think you shocked Ros.' He smiles at me. 'Hannah?'

'She's going to study art at Pullman.'

'So it's serious between you two already.'

'I think so, I can't imagine being with anyone else. Everything just feels so right.' I smile shyly.

'Good. Why was mom angry with you at the ball on Saturday?' I freeze, he's got me so relaxed with all the casual chatting and then he throws in this question, I was hoping he'd forgotten.

I look at him cautiously; he must see the fear in my eyes as he says 'Am I going to get angry?' I gulp and nod. We're looking each other in the eyes; mine must be wide showing that I'm scared.

'I will try not to get angry, but I'd like to know what you did to make mom so mad with you, it's probably the first time ever. Does dad know what it is?'

'Yes, he was quite calm about it and spoke to mom to smooth things over.'

'Ah, so is it something to do with you and Hannah on Friday evening?' he asks looking intently at me. How does he know? I look away nervously. He continues 'Did mom find out you were at the apartment with Hannah alone?' I nod. 'I'm surprised she's not mentioned it to me then. So was that all she was angry with?' I look at him again, I can't lie to him.

'No.' I whisper. He looks at me questionably. 'The first time we got carried away and didn't use protection. We went to mom for help to get the morning after pill.'

My head is down but I peer at him from guarded eyes, he's looking at me as if he can't believe what I've just told him, gripping the arms of the chair tightly. Oh, he's so mad like I knew he would be. He then rests his elbows on the table and puts his head in his hands, his fingers pulling at his tousled hair. I don't know what to do as I sit there. Eventually he looks at me and shakes his head.

'Christian, please say something.' He shakes his head again.

'Are you angry?' he nods.

'Shall I go?' he nods again.

'I'm sorry.' I say as I leave the office and head back to my desk in accounts.

It's just after 1pm; I sit and stare out of the window again, watching the rain and the drops as they drip down the window. I have really messed up this time. I lose myself in my work; spread sheets, figures, information about the other businesses. When I look up I'm not sure what time it is but the office is empty and it's dark outside. I switch on my phone for the first time today. There's the messages from Christian from first thing this morning, and a few from Hannah. I call her but leave a message as it goes straight to voicemail. 'Hey baby when you get this message give me a call, I've missed you today. Love you.' She must be at her gym class.

Back to the work, my eyes are tired but I can't think of what else to do. If I was at home I would play the piano but that isn't an option at the moment. My phone vibrates, its Hannah calling.

'Hi Matt, I've missed you today.'

'Hey baby, I've missed you as well. How was your day?'

'Good, I had a long chat with mom about us and going to Pullman next year, she's really happy that we are going together.'

'Hey that's good; I must have won her over with my charms.'

Hannah laughs. 'Yes I think you have, she can tell that I'm really happy. What are you doing now?'

'I'm still at work.'

'Matt, its 10 o'clock'

'Really, I must have lost track of time.'

'Are you going to stay at Christian's?'

'No, he's mad at me. He found out about us on Friday evening and isn't talking to me.'

'Oh Matt, I'm sorry, you'd just started getting on again.'

'Don't worry; I'm sure he'll calm down at some point. You'd better get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow. Love you baby, sleep well.'

'I love you too, night.' And she hangs up.

So it's 10pm and I'm still at work, mom and dad have probably gone to bed expecting me to be staying with Christian. Christian must still be mad with me, he's not contacted me all day and he'll surely be at Escala now. I switch off the computer and gathering all my papers together make my way up to the 20th floor. It's in darkness. I wander round the office and sit at Christian's desk. Taking some paper out of the drawer and finding a pen I write him a note.

Dear Christian,

I am so sorry. I am probably a disappointment to you. Whatever I do I just seem to make you angry time and time again.

Love Matt x

I make my way to the elevator and it takes me down to the foyer. I don't really know what I should do now. Its approaching 11pm, it's too late to call mom and dad for a lift home. I didn't even get the keys to the new car off Christian so I cannot use that. I walk to the bus stop that is across the road from Grey House, luckily the South Transit bus that will take me back to Bellevue is just approaching. I pay the driver and sit down.

Staring out of the window, I see her, the girl. She looks at me in recognition and smiles. Just as the bus pulls away she takes something out of her coat that looks like a gun. I duck down instinctively but then realise that we've now moved away and there was no sound. I look back but cannot see her. My heart is beating fast. I take my phone out of my pocket and dial. The phone rings and rings and eventually goes to voicemail.

'I need your help.' I say and hang up. Shit, he said he would be there for me and he's not answered. I call Taylor but again there is no answer. I try to stay calm, taking deep breaths. I call home, mom answers.

'Mom'

'Matt, are you ok? Are you with Christian?'

'Mom, is dad there?'

'Yes, darling, I'll just get him.'

'Matt, its dad. What's the matter?'

'Christian knows, he wasn't talking to me. I lost track of time. I've just left work. I'm on a bus to Bellevue. Christian won't answer his phone.' My sentences probably don't make a lot of sense to him but he must sense that something is not right.

'Does the bus stop at the Bravern Centre?' he asks. I look at the electronic screen at the front by the driver.

'Yes dad.'

'Ok, I'll be there to meet you.'

'Thanks dad' I say and hang up.

I look round the bus, there are a few passengers dotted around but all sitting separately, most have earplugs in and are listening to music, a couple are reading books. The remainder either stare out of the window or sit with their eyes closed. I sit now, staring in front of me, willing the bus to get to Bellevue quickly.

'


	33. Chapter 33-Angry

Dad is there waiting as I get off the bus. I'm so relieved to see him. He doesn't say anything but just guides me to the car.

'You ok?' he asks once we're driving home.

'Yes, I just lost track of the time and when I realised it was so I late panicked a bit about getting home. I'm sorry dad for calling you so you had to collect me.'

'Hey, don't worry about it. The amount of times I've had to pick Elliot and Christian up when they couldn't get home. At least you were working and not out drinking.'

'Is mom cross?'

'No, she was worried though. We just assumed you would be staying at Christian's. Was he really angry with you?'

'Yes, so angry that he wouldn't speak to me.' I say

Dad actually laughs 'Only Christian can get that angry. I'll speak to him. He has to realise that you need to make mistakes and learn from them. He can't control every minute of your life.'

'Thanks dad.' I say as he pulls onto the drive.

'I'm leaving about eight in the morning if you want a lift to work.'

'That would be good, I'd better try and get up a bit earlier and have some breakfast. I made him mad about that as well. How does he know which questions to ask to make me feel guilty enough to tell him everything?'

Dad doesn't answer just smiles as mom opens the front door.

'Hi darling boy, are you ok?'

'Yes mom, I just panicked when I realised it was so late and I was still at work. I'm sorry for making you worry.'

'That's ok. As long as you're fine. I'm off to bed as I've got a long shift tomorrow. Don't stay up too late.' She says, giving me a hug and kiss.

Mom and dad climb the stairs and go to bed. I head to the kitchen to find something to eat. Making a drink and some toast I sit at the kitchen table and get out my phone. There are no new messages. I email Christian; perhaps this is the only way to communicate with him at the moment.

From: Matthew Grey

To: Christian Grey

Subject: SCARED

Christian,

Yes I am scared of you, you terrify me at times but you're not half as scary as the girl I saw outside Grey House when I left work at 11pm tonight. I lost track of the time and had to get the bus home because you were too angry with me so I couldn't ask you for a lift or to stay with you and I didn't have the keys to the new car. Luckily I was already on the bus because as it drove off the girl smiled at me and then pulled a gun from her coat. That was FUCKING SCARY! I don't want to know all the shit that went on with you and this girl but hell Christian I'm fucking angry with you now for getting me involved with all this.

You told me that you would be there for me, I called but there was no answer. I needed you tonight but you weren't there, dad was and he came and collected me from the bus stop. Don't worry I haven't said anything to mom or dad about the girl, I only told them that I panicked a bit about getting home when I realised it was so late and with all my past insecurities they believed me.

Dad is dropping me at work tomorrow, though we are leaving here at 8am so I will be late. He might call you because I told him that you were angry with me about Friday. I had to tell him something so don't take it out on me, I was covering for you!

Matt.

I switch the phone off; I don't want to know whether he's going to reply tonight or not. It's too late for him to be there for me now when it was earlier that I needed him. I go to bed totally exhausted and I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

The alarm goes off and I'm quite surprised at what a good night's sleep I've had. After quickly showering and getting dressed I go to the kitchen for some breakfast. Mia is already up.

'Hi Matt, do you want some pancakes.'

'Thanks Mia that would be good, where's mom and dad?'

'Mom's already left for work and dad is in the shower. Do you think we should do something for Christian's birthday on Saturday? I could organise a party. You could invite Hannah.'

'Whatever Mia, I'm not fussed and you know what Christians like. He hates anything to do with birthday celebrations.' I don't tell her we're not speaking again, hopefully we'll have made up by the weekend. If he doesn't already have plans then there's no stopping Mia once she gets going.

'I'll call him later and ask him. What is he like to work for? Does he watch everything you do?' she asks.

She never shuts up, but she's waiting for an answer. 'He's ok, leaves me to get on with stuff most of the time.'

'That's good then, I thought he'd be watching your every move. Do you think Hannah would like to hang out at the mall sometime?'

'I'm not sure, you'll have to ask her but I think she's quite busy most of the summer because she's working in her mom's florist, even I don't see that much of her. Thanks for making breakfast, I'd better go cos dad's giving me a lift and I don't want to make him late.' I say as an excuse to get away so that she doesn't question me any further. I go to clean my teeth then get all my stuff together, wallet, phone and house keys. I leave the car keys on the side.

I'm actually ready at the same time as dad this morning, I think even he is surprised. It's always been a long standing joke in our family that I am always rushing around at the last minute trying to get ready and I am rarely early for anything. We listen to the traffic news as dad drives, I'm not sure why he does this every morning, it always sounds the same, the traffic is always queuing in certain places it's called rush hour, surely even the reporter must get bored saying the same thing time and time again.

He turns to me and says 'Will you be ok at work today?'

'Yes dad, I'll be fine.'

'I'll be finished at 6pm and you mom at 8pm, please call one of us for a lift home. I don't want you working later than that after last night.'

'OK, I'll set an alarm on my phone to remind me.' I smirk at him.

'It would help if you actually switched your phone on. You must be the only person I know that isn't permanently attached to one.'

'I don't see the need for one all the time. Christian even uses his in meetings, it's a bit rude.'

'Since when did you start getting annoyed with Christian, he's always been your hero. I'll call him later and ask him to leave you alone on your personal life with Hannah. Remember though the security and anything to do with work he's just looking out for you.'

'OK, we're here now. I'll call later. Dad, will you wait until I'm in the building like yesterday?'

He gives me a puzzled look but doesn't ask why. He just says 'Sure, see you tonight, don't forget to phone.'

I grin at him and say 'Thanks for the lift, see you later.'

I see him wait and then drive away as I enter the foyer. I make my way over to the elevator and my desk on the 17th floor. Just after nine the phone on my desk rings. It's Andrea,

'Mr Grey would like to see you in his office now.'

'Morning Andrea, I'm busy at the moment, can it wait until later?' I ask her. I can hear her sucking in her breath; she probably hasn't had anyone say that before when Christian wants to see them. I think she's almost lost for words. I smile at myself, I'm not really that busy but it would be good to make him wait for me, then I start having doubts maybe I should just see him and get this over with.

'Well I could check with him.' She answers nervously.

'Andrea, don't worry, I'll just finish what I'm doing and then I'll be up to see him, I shouldn't be too long.'

'Thank you Matthew' she says and puts the phone down. I smile again as I click for another game of solitaire to start on the computer.

I can feel his presence before I see him. He's stood behind me. I look at the clock on the computer and it's now 10am. Shit where did the time go.

'So a card game is more important than I am. We can either talk here with the rest of the office listening in or you can be in my office in five minutes.' He says quietly in my ear. I turn and look at him; he must see the fear in my eyes as he says softly. 'Don't be scared; follow me up to the office in five, ok.' I nod and he disappears.


	34. Chapter 34-Talking

I sit in my chair almost frozen to the spot. He told me not to be scared but how can I not be. After a couple of minutes I get up and move towards the elevator. Heart pounding, I take deep breaths to relax. It doesn't take long to travel the three floors. Andrea is sat behind her desk looking as efficient as ever.

'Andrea, I'm sorry I didn't come straight away when you asked.'

'Don't worry Matthew; you'd better go in now.'

'Did you get in trouble?'

'No, but don't keep Mr Grey waiting any longer.' She says, giving me a look of sympathy.

I enter; he's stood by the window with his back to me. He turns when he hears me close the door. I stand where I am, wanting to keep as much distance between us as possible. He starts walking towards me and then nods in the direction of the white leather chairs. I somehow manage to put one foot in front of another. He sits in one of the chairs and I sit opposite on the sofa. He watches me through his gray eyes. I stare back, trying to be braver than I feel. I wait for him to say something first.

'I'm sorry.' He says. I look at him questionably, wondering what he is sorry for. He must read my mind as he continues. 'I'm sorry for getting angry with you yesterday and I'm sorry that you are caught up in this situation with the girl. I can't believe she is evading all attempts to be found by my security team but you keep seeing her.'

'I was so scared.' I whisper. 'What does she want with me?'

'I don't know, but I will find her. I wasn't there for you was I?' I shake my head. 'Matt, I really am sorry. I only got your messages this morning, I was so shocked when I read what you'd been through and it's all because of me.' He sounds distraught. We look at each other intently. He then says. 'Please forgive me.'

I stare at him; it is down to me now. 'I was so angry with you; I've never felt like that before about you. It frightened me. Why am I getting angry with you when I love you so much and would do anything for you?' I say quietly, almost too scared to mutter the words.

'I don't know but mom says you can only be angry with those that you love.' He says. We are both fighting our emotions here, not sure what to say without upsetting the other. 'I really appreciate that you didn't tell mom and dad about her.'

'That's ok, I don't tell them everything.'

'No' he teases 'You just go and ask your own mother for the morning after pill the first time you have sex with your girlfriend.'

'OK, maybe that wasn't the wisest move, but I could hardly have asked you, you'd have killed me, Mia would have told the whole of Seattle, Elliot wasn't here and Hannah's mom would have stopped me seeing her'

'So you risked mom getting so mad with you for the first time ever on the day that's she's organised a huge social occasion. She doesn't let you sit next to her when you always have, she doesn't hug you like she did the rest of the people on the table and she doesn't talk to you for the whole meal. You had to explain to dad because he's never seen her that mad before and hey guess what you then have to explain to me because I've never seen her that mad either. You certainly know how to do things in style. I might have been mad but I would still have helped you.' I don't know whether he's cross or teasing me, I look at him warily.

'Are you still mad?' I ask.

'No, dad called me. He said you had to make your own mistakes and learn from them but what were you thinking?'

'It just happened, I got lost in the moment. It won't happen again.'

'Good. Did you not think about the possibility of a baby in nine months?'

'I don't need another lecture.' I snap at him.

'Ok, Ok, I'm just saying. By the way you're not a disappointment, I'm very proud to have you as my brother.'

'Really, I just seem to make you angry all the time at the moment.' I look at him and ask 'What is happening to us? We never used to be like this with each other.'

'Girls' he says with a smile on his face.

'You could be right there.' I smile back. 'Will we be OK?'

'I think so. Why did you stay at work so late though? I thought you would have got a lift with dad earlier in the evening.'

'I don't know, I lost track of the time.'

'I don't understand how you can lose yourself like that and you're not aware of anything around you.'

'It just happens, I suppose it's my way of coping and blocking things out. You were so angry that you wouldn't speak, when I told dad he said only Christian can get that angry. I should warn you, Mia is going to call you. She's trying to arrange a party for your birthday on Saturday.' I smirk at him 'Get out of that one.'

Christian groans 'Maybe I'll take Ana to New York for the weekend.'

'Wow, it's serious between you two then.' I say

'She's agreed to move in with me.' He grins widely. I freeze. 'Hey, what's the matter?' he asks.

'Nothing'

'Change?' he asks. I nod. 'But Matt, this is what I want, it won't affect us. You can still stay over whenever you want. You will be off to university in just over a year with Hannah and as your relationship develops you will have less time for me. At least it's happening to both of us at the same time. We'll still have boys' nights with Elliot and we can all go out together as a group.'

'That sounds good. Mrs Jones will have Ana to look after as well now. She might not have time to cook me lasagne.'

'Are you jealous?'

'Yes, she spoils me.'

'That won't change, she has a soft spot for you.' He grins again at me. 'Here are the keys to your new car, tonight dad and Taylor will be here at 6pm. We will all leave the parking lot together. Taylor will follow a short way as we will have to collect Ana. Kate's brother is arriving back from Barbados today and we're meeting up with him tonight. Elliot and Kate are still planning on returning on Friday. Dad will follow you home. Is that OK?'

'Yes, that's good.'

'OK, I've got a meeting now so I'll let you get back to work. I'll let you know if there are any further developments with the girl. What are you doing for lunch?'

'I was going to grab something at the deli.' I say but then my face falls in realisation that I can't go out.

'I'll get someone to bring you something. Oh and will you keep your phone switched on, it's hard keeping up with you when it's permanently off.' He smiles, showing he's not cross with me. I take my phone out of my pocket and switch it on in front of him.

'Happy?' I ask, as the phone vibrates with all the new messages.

'Very.'

We stand up together and he gives me a brotherly hug. 'I'll see you later, will you be OK?'

'Yes, I'll be fine' I say, making a move to leave.'

'You surprise me; you're so much stronger than you were a couple of weeks ago.'

'That's because I've got to deal with you.' I reply cheekily as I make my way out of the office. I smile at Andrea on the way out so that she knows I'm fine. 'Have a good afternoon Andrea with Mr Happy' she tries to hide a smile but just scolds me mildly 'Matthew' she says.

I return to my desk a lot happier than earlier. I text Hannah, telling her how much I'm missing her. She calls me back.

'Hi Matt'

'Hey baby, what are you up to?'

'Just working, are you free to meet later? I'm going to skip gym class tonight.'

'Hannah that would be cool, you've just made my day.'

'Mom has also given me tomorrow morning off work.'

'That's good, will you stay with me tonight, I'll skip work in the morning as well, we could do something together.'

'I'd love to, won't Christian mind though.'

'No, he owes me one. Shall I collect you on my way home from work tonight, it will be about seven. We could go out for dinner.

'Sure, see you later. Love you.'

'Love you too, laters baby' I say as I hang up.

Well I felt so brave on the phone saying that I'll skip work tomorrow but now that I'm thinking straight I don't want to make Christian angry again. I quickly email him thinking at least he can think about a reply rather than getting angry on the phone.

From: Matthew Grey

To: Christian Grey

Subject: Was brave but now worried.

Hi Christian,

I've just spoken to Hannah and arranged to meet her tonight and take her for dinner. Will this be OK? I'm worrying about whether I'll need any security.

Also she's got the morning off tomorrow and I suggested we could spend it together but I don't want to make you angry if you want me at work.

Love Matt x

He replies instantly, that means he'll be emailing in the middle of a meeting again. I roll my eyes.

From: Christian Grey

To: Matthew Grey

Subject: I want you to be happy!

Matt,

Thank you for informing me of your plans.

If it will make you happier I will have one of my security a few tables away from you in the restaurant. Just let me know the details.

Of course you can have the morning off, you've already worked so hard this week. Have fun, but be careful.

Christian

I smile at his reply, the over protective control freak is still there watching out for me.

'

'


	35. Chapter 35-Tension

I've not been working long when Taylor enters the office; I look up and smile at him.

'Hi Taylor'

'Hi Matthew, Mrs Jones has made you some lunch, peppered turkey sub I think she said.'

'Thank you for bringing it to me and please thank Mrs Jones.'

'You're welcome, see you later.' He says and then disappears. I open the brown bag, not only is there a sub but there's also a slice of her chocolate cake, a fruit salad and a small carton of milk. I grin; she's still spoiling me despite having Ana to look after as well. I eat as I work, seeing as I've now got tomorrow morning off I'm trying to get as much as possible done.

Mid-afternoon I text Christian 'Thank you for getting Mrs Jones to make me lunch, she has spoilt me once more' he doesn't reply though, he must be busy. At 5pm he finally sends me a message 'Change of plan for this evening, come up to my office as soon as you can.'

Puzzled I start switching off the computer and tidying my desk. Christian is on the phone when I enter his office, he's shouting at someone, though at least it's not me. He looks up and smiles and hangs up.

'I need to pick Ana up at 6pm, I'll drive you to SIP where she works, Taylor will follow us, once there Sawyer who has been watching Ana will drive you to collect Hannah and be close by whilst you're at the restaurant. He will then take you home leaving you with the new car but bringing your silver Saab back to Escala. Is that ok with you?'

'Yes that's fine but when I collect Hannah what if I go into her house for five minutes, will he just wait?'

'Yes that's his job; he'll wait as long as he needs to. Do you have a condom?'

Whoa, where did that come from? 'No' I reply.

'What did I tell you the other day, always carry one, you never know when you might need it. Here take this one.' He says tossing me a foil packet.

'I only plan to collect Hannah, take her for food and then go home. I've still got some there.' I say almost sulkily.

'But Matt you should be prepared in case the opportunity arises. What happens if when you collect her there's no-one home …..?'

'But Sawyer will be in the car waiting.'

'So, he's paid to wait. Don't worry about him. He's not going to be reporting back to me, he's just there to make sure you're safe.'

'OK, I get the message. Are we leaving now?'

'Yes, Taylors just arrived in the parking lot. Keys?' he asks so I toss him the new set, I've not even seen this car yet.

We leave the office together; both say 'Goodbye' to Andrea, then enter the elevator. In the parking lot I see Christian's black Audi SUV but he guides me to an identical one in silver next to it. I sit in the front next to him.

'Silver?' I ask

'Yes, you're not having a black one like mine.'

'So you bought this for me?'

'Yes, is that OK?' he asks.

'Yes, but when can I drive it?' I reply, thinking it's easier to just accept gifts that Christian buys.

'Soon, just not tonight.' He grins at me 'I want to drive it first.' He then pulls out of the parking lot with Taylor following. 'Are you sulking again?'

'No, but you're such a child at times. You always have to do everything first.' I snap.

'You are in a bad mood again. You need Hannah to relieve some of that tension.' He teases.

I smile thinking of her. 'You're right, I do. Do you always have a supply of condoms on you?'

'Why?' he asks warily.

'Just so that I know for future reference' I reply with a smirk.

'Jeez Matt, I've already told you twice now you must start thinking ahead and carrying your own. You never know when you might need one and you should be prepared.'

'OK, OK, keep your hair on. I'll do as you say as always' I add with sarcasm.

He turns to smile at me then adds 'Good, we're here now. Have fun tonight but be careful. Remember Sawyer is only there to protect you and keep you safe, he's won't mind waiting around for whatever you're doing and he won't report back to me unless you compromise your safety.'

'Thanks Christian, hope you have fun tonight and be careful. Remember Taylor is….'

'Stop being so bloody cheeky. You have too much energy at the moment. We might work out together tomorrow afternoon. Bring your gym stuff to work.' He says as bossy as ever.

'That would be great, see you tomorrow.' I reply. He then climbs out of the car and Sawyer replaces him.

As Sawyer drives I question him but he doesn't give too much information away, I thought Taylor was bad enough but this man is quite frustrating. I ask him if he minds if we listen to music and he switches the panel on telling me to help myself. Wow, the technology on this car is great; my IPod playlist is already on here. He already seems to know where Hannah lives and before long we're pulling on the drive.

'I won't be long' I tell him.

'Take as long as you need.' He replies and then adds 'Do you know which restaurant you're going to yet?'

'Yes, the Italian, near the Bravern Centre.'

'OK, that's good. I'll make sure they have a couple of tables, quite close together but not close enough for me to be sat with you.'

'Thank you Sawyer.' I reply and then go to knock on Hannah's front door.

'Hi Matt, come in. you're early, I'm not quite ready, I've just got out of the shower and need to get dressed. Mom's still at work.' She says as I go to kiss her, she looks beautiful to me just in her dressing gown.

'That's OK baby, I don't mind waiting for you. I left work early, Christian needed to be somewhere and we needed to pick up our driver for the night.'

'We have someone to drive us?' she questions.

'Yes, so that I can sit in the back with you.' I smile at her. This seems to be the best way to describe who Sawyer is without alarming her that we need security.

'Ok, I'll be five minutes, do you want to wait in the living room.'

'Can I come and watch you?' I ask with a smirk.

'OK, but it might take longer than five minutes if you watch me.'

Grinning I reply 'Well we have all night.'

I follow her up to her room. It's changed since I was here when she was younger. Gone are all the pinks, being replaced by a lilac color. She seems shy to have me in her room. I go to hug her. She kisses me and I kiss her back, immediately pouring everything into that kiss. Christian was right; I do need to get rid of the tension. I pull the cord to undo her dressing gown and she is stood before me naked. My hand moves to her breast, immediately teasing her nipples I continue to kiss her. She groans. I lift her and move towards the bed, not breaking the contact between our lips. Laying her down I move on top of her, kissing her breasts and then moving downwards, her stomach, her thighs. I push a finger inside, she's so wet already. My tongue now on her clitoris. I can feel her quicken, she's almost there, so I stop and taking the foil packet from my pocket, rip it open and slide the condom on. I enter her and immediately the pace between us is frantic, fast and hard. I totally lose myself, she comes first and after another thrust I follow. I collapse at the side of her. Both of us breathless, we just lie there until our breathing returns to normal. As usual my brother was right, I did need this to relieve all the tension and I do need to be prepared and carry a condom at all times.

'I love you Hannah.' I say

'I love you too Matt, that was a bit quick. You didn't even get undressed'

'I know, I haven't seen you for two days, it's what you do to me. We can take it slowly later. Come on, you need to get dressed. Sawyer is waiting for us.' I say and give her a slap on her ass to get her to move. I flex my hand, the sting from the contact with her skin felt good. 'Hurry up, or I might have to do that again.'

She blushes. 'I might go slowly on purpose; I liked the feel of that.'

'We'll experiment later, I only brought one condom and we also need to eat.'

'Hmmm, can't wait for later. My bags over there, can you chuck some underwear and a couple of t-shirts in. they're in the top drawer.' She says. I open the drawer and choose her some underwear, perhaps we could go shopping for some tomorrow, I think I'd quite like to buy her some.

I open the car door, for her to get in, she slides all the way over and I follow her. Once we've both fastened our seatbelts Sawyer sets off and I take Hannah's hand in mine, slowly stroking my thumb over hers. I'm lost in thought, maybe I could get used to having a driver, it's good to be able to sit together like this.


	36. Chapter 36-Scene

As we sit in the restaurant Hannah's phone beeps with a message. She reads it and a big grin spreads across her face.

'The crowd are meeting at the sports bar here for a couple of drinks later, shall we join them. I heard Jonty has just got back from Hawaii.'

'Yes that would be good.' I say, only because Jonty will be there and it will be good to see him again.

Sawyer is on the other side of the restaurant but Hannah has her back to him so she is oblivious of his presence. I'm hoping that the girl is caught soon so that I can get rid of the security and we can go back to being on our own. We both opt for pizza, salad and lemonade to drink. Hannah tells me about her day, she's enjoying helping her mom because she can be artistic with the flowers displays but she wants some time to herself to get her portfolio together so that's it's ready for October when we have to submit our applications for university.

'Why don't you ask your mom for either a full day off each week or finish earlier each day?' I ask her.

'Well she has given me tomorrow morning off.' She sighs 'but the rest of the time she needs me there so that she can look after my brothers kids.

'Does it bother you?'

'Yes, I'd quite like to do something for myself but it feels like I have to do this so that the rest of the family can do what they want for the summer break. Sorry maybe it's my mood at the moment, I shouldn't be moaning to you about all this.' She says. I take her hands in mine.

'Hey baby, I'm here for you to share things like this with me. If you could pick the perfect summer break what would you choose?' I ask her.

'Being somewhere I could spend most of my days drawing and painting that's peaceful, winning the state lottery so that I didn't have to worry about working during the summer and spending more time with you.' She grins at me 'but I don't need to worry about that, if I want to go to California with you and the rest of our friends at the end of the summer then I need to work for mom.'

'What will your mom do with the shop when you're away?'

'She'll have to work with her assistant as she normally does instead of looking after the kids so my brother's wives can still hang out at the mall or the spa like usual. That's why I was having a moan, they had all been to the salon together today, whilst I worked and mom babysat.'

'Hey baby, that's not fair on you.' I say as our food arrives.

'I know, but what else can I do?'

'I don't know, but you need to ask for more time off otherwise it will affect your portfolio and university application.' I say, thinking that I will have to give this some thought to see if I can help in anyway.

'Ok, I'll ask her tomorrow. Thank you; it seems clearer now I've spoken it through with you.'

'That's what I'm here for, to listen to you.' I say as we start our food. As we eat we chat about our plans for the next school year, we both realise that we're going to have to work hard to get the courses that we want at Pullman.

'But Matt, Harvard offered you a place there.'

'Yes I know, but that was in a completely different subject, it might be harder to get on the course I want. I don't want to take any chances and mess it up.'

'So you're aiming to get 100% in everything instead of the 96% you average at the moment'

'Something like that, it means you're going to have to work hard as well if you want to come top in anything this year. Are you up for the challenge?' I ask with a smirk.

'Bring it on. Can we do some studying together so we can at least have some time with each other in the week?' she asks.

'Sure that would be good, though when we finish school on a couple of days I want to go straight to Grey House and work with Christian.'

'You're really enjoying working with him aren't you?'

'Yes, he's been good to me. He's teaching me how to run a company, maybe one day I'll be a CEO'

'What and be as rich and successful as he is?' she asks.

'Richer!' I reply laughing.

'Is that possible, there's always stuff in the newspaper about him and his money, how much he's worth and being Seattle's most eligible bachelor.'

'Does it bother you that you're going out with his kid brother? Who plans to be a CEO and richer than him.'

'No, whatever you do you'll always be the same to me, the boy who has sat next to me in class on most days since the age of five. The one who was always getting me into trouble, I honestly thought my parents were going to move me to a different school at one point, they were getting fed up of being called into the principal's office and they didn't have to go as often as yours. How did your parents put up with you?'

'I don't know sometimes.' I say quietly.

'Hey don't get all miserable on me, the stuff we did was usually harmful. You just got carried away because you were bored. I didn't think that permanent ink tattoo of Jonty's would ever fade, and my pigtails in the paint pot weren't that bad.'

'What about the tadpoles left over night in the classroom and the next day there were frogs everywhere, I thought Miss Sandy was going to pass out.' I say and Hannah giggles at me.

'She wasn't the only teacher to have a fit, there was the ant farm that you left the lid off, the wasps nest that still had wasps in, how you didn't get stung I'll never know and then the baby bird that you decided needed looking after, and that's just for starters.' She grins at me.

'Maybe that's why I don't have many friends; their parents banned them from playing with me.' I say.

'No, you were just very particular about who you wanted to hang out with.' She says and I smile back at her. 'Everyone was desperate to be friends with you, especially girls the last few years and they all wanted an invite to play at the Grey residence.'

'Really, I never knew that and I only ever asked you and Jonty, I didn't need anyone else.' I say surprised.

'That's what makes you special, you don't make friends just for the sake of it and because of whom your family are in the community.'

'Have you finished, would you like dessert?' I ask her. She shakes her head so I signal for bill. I get my credit card out, Hannah wants to pay half but I won't let her, insisting she saves her money for California. I also nod at Sawyer to let him know that we are finished and he leaves just before us to get the car. We leave the restaurant and make our way to the car, it's only a two minute journey to the sports bar but it's on the other side of the centre so Sawyer will use a different parking lot.

'Sit with me; it's only a short ride.' I say as I pull Hannah onto my knee and then put the belt round us both. She does as I ask and we kiss all the way as Sawyer drives. As I pull away for air, Hannah comments on how there are advantages to having a driver and I grin at her. Sawyer manages to get parked right outside the bar so he will wait in the car for us but insists we take as long as we like.

We go in hand in hand, smiling shyly at each other. Only a few of our friends know that we are actually dating. I head straight to the bar to get our drinks and Hannah goes to her group of girly friends. Jonty is sat at a different table with a few of the boys and a girl I don't recognise is sat with him, his arm casually draped over her shoulder, looks like he has a new girlfriend. I think he's taken a leaf out of Elliot's book as he has a different girl every week. I take Hannah her drink, and kissing her on the cheek tell her that I'll sit with Jonty but leave her with her friends. She smiles, happy with the arrangement, after all we will have each other for the rest of the night when we leave here.

Halfway through my drink Sawyer appears. He's holding his phone.

'Mr Grey would like a word with you; he didn't get any answer from yours.' He says.

'Thanks Sawyer, I'll take it in the car where it's quieter.' I reply, Hannah is busy; she won't miss me for a few minutes so I leave.

'Hi Christian.'

'Matt, the girl has been found. I thought you would want to know. I'll give you more details when I see you tomorrow.'

'Thank you, I can relax now.'

'Yes, did you have a good meal, what are you doing now?'

'The meal was good; we're now with a group of friends at the sports bar.' I say cheerfully.

'Are you drinking?'

'Only soft drinks. I know I can drink at home but will not risk it out in public.'

'Good at least you're being sensible. Sawyer will stay with you as planned for the rest of the evening but you can drive your car tomorrow, I'll see you after lunch.'

'Thanks Christian.' I say but am sure he's already clicked me off. I hand Sawyer his phone back and he informs me he'll wait in the car as instructed by Mr Grey until we are finished, I thank him and re-enter the bar.

I've only been gone a couple of minutes, I sit back down with Jonty, he tells me about his vacation to Hawaii, he's going to London next week but will be back for the end of summer trip to California. He doesn't need to work this summer, his parents are loaded and spoil him as he's an only child. I look up; Jordan has at some point attached himself to Hannah's group. He's not too close to her yet but immediately I feel jealous that she's talking to him. She laughs at something he says and he touches her arm, I have to restrain myself from going over and punching him. I don't want to make a scene and upset her. I drain my drink, tell Jonty I'll call him soon and make my move.

I make my way over so that I'm stood behind Hannah, she immediately knows I'm there and leans into me, I kiss her ear whispering 'Are you ready to go baby.' She nods and turns to smile at me. I take her hand as she says her goodbyes.

'You're with him?' Jordan splutters

'Yes.' Hannah replies with a smile. I smile politely at him as well; I'd rather not speak to him.

'After two years with me you leave me for him, I was so patient with you and you were such a frigid cock tease.' He snarls. My fist connects with his chin and he falls, I grab Hannah's hand and we leave.

Opening the car door she climbs in and fastens her belt, I climb in the opposite side and take her hand in mine. Sawyer starts to drive.

'Baby I'm so sorry I shouldn't have done that but I couldn't stop myself when he came out with those words. I shouldn't have made a scene and embarrassed you.'

'Matt don't worry, he's the one that should be embarrassed. I'm grateful that you stuck up for me. Let's get home and I'll show you what a tease I can be.' She says smirking at me and I grin back at her.


	37. Chapter 37-Dreams

We arrive home and I get the keys for the Saab for Sawyer, he then gives me the keys for the Audi and bids us goodnight. We join mom and dad in the family room; they are just about to go to bed as mom has another long shift tomorrow.

'Hi Matt, Hi Hannah, did you have a good night?' mom asks.

'Yes thanks mom, we went for pizza and then to the sports bar but only stayed for one drink. It's still early so we might watch some TV if that's ok.'

'Sure that's fine; we'll leave you to it, night.' She says and kisses me on the cheek, I hug her back. Dad follows her out but I think he's going into his study for a bit.

My phone buzzes, it's Christian, what does he want now? It's only just after nine but he should be with Ana. 'Name of the guy you punched?' is all it says. Oh shit, how did he find out? I text back 'Jordan West' and leave it at that, he doesn't reply again. Hannah has some texts as well; they are from friends that were in the bar. All of them were supportive of me saying that Jordan deserved what he got and someone should have done it a long time ago. It doesn't make me feel any better; I still shouldn't have done it.

'Hey Matt, don't beat yourself up about it, you were protecting me and everyone knows that. Are we watching TV or should we go straight upstairs?' she smiles at me. I grab her hand and we head for the stairs.

I lock the door and stand there; I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I want Hannah but feel disgusted with myself over my behaviour. I go and sit on the edge of the bed. Hannah sits beside me and gives me a hug.

'What's the matter?' she asks.

'I just feel really shitty with myself about what I did earlier, I shouldn't have done it. What does it make me look like?'

'Like someone who is in love with his girlfriend and was protecting her.' She smiles at me. Then she kisses me tenderly before I deepen it. I groan, I want her more desperately now than I did earlier. Hannah pulls away and starts to unbutton my shirt, moving to the zip on my trousers and then her hands are on my erection. I move away this time and take off her dress and underwear before standing out of my trousers and boxers. Pulling the duvet off the bed we tumble onto the middle of the bed together. It's frantic, kissing, touching, feeling. We eventually separate. I'm sitting on top of her, pinning her arms above her head.

'I was so jealous earlier when he touched your arm, you'd laughed at something he said' I say 'Did you try to make me jealous on purpose?'

'No, I'm sorry. I didn't realise.' She replies quietly. 'Are you angry with me?'

'I don't think so, I'm not sure how I feel but I want to bury myself in you.'

She raises her hips to my groin and smiles. I jump off the bed and root around in my closet for something. I find what I'm looking for and move back towards the bed. Hannah looks shocked.

'Where did you get those and what are you going to do with them?'

'Give me your hands.' I say and fasten her hands to the bed post with the handcuffs. 'I pinched them from Christian years ago, I didn't really realise at the time what he wanted them for but it was funny watching him search frantically for them. He could hardly ask mom if she'd seen them. Now I've got you where I want you, you can't escape and make me jealous now.' I kiss her, first on the lips then move down her body, her breasts, her stomach. hips, thighs. She wriggles beneath me. 'Keep still or I will cuff your ankles as well.' I tell her. I insert a finger, she so wet, warm and ready. Taking a foil packet I rip it open and roll the condom on and finally I lose myself in her, ramming into her hard. This will teach her for making me feel jealous.

'Come for me baby. 'I hiss at her. She does and then I follow her. I collapse on her, then undo the cuffs, massaging some feeling back into her arms.

'Do you feel better?' she asks.

'Yes. I got lost in you, was that ok? Did I hurt you?'

'It felt like you were punishing me but it felt really good.'

'I'm sorry baby, please let me make love to you.' I say and kiss her lips gently. She kisses me back and soon we are lost in each other again, this time at a slow gentle pace.

'Sleep baby' I say, pulling her close to me, I lie with my arms wrapped round her, my front to her back.

It's 1 a.m. I'm wide awake and can't get back to sleep. I leave Hannah in bed, careful not to disturb her. Going downstairs I make my way to the piano and play a few tunes quietly. I'm more relaxed now but still not ready to sleep. In the living room there are the photo albums that mom had promised to get out for me. Her and dad must have been looking through them earlier.

I open the first one, I gasp as mommy and daddy are staring back at me, they are on a boat looking young and relaxed in each other's arms. I turn the pages, hundreds of pictures of them together, happy in them all. Some are with mom and dad. The next album is still before my time but there are a few pictures now with Elliot and Christian. Moving on to another Mia makes an appearance, there are lots of group shots, it seems like they spent so much time together. My brothers with my mommy and daddy is a recurrent theme, they look so comfortable together.

I finally make an appearance in the last album. Me with mommy and daddy, me with mom and dad, me with Elliot, Christian and Mia. It's like we were one big family even then. We're in the garden here, on a boat, on a plane, in the garden at the house down the road. In other houses I don't recognise. In other countries. There are tears rolling down my cheeks. There's so much I don't remember. I must sit here for the rest of the night flicking through, back and forth but still I don't remember any of it. This is how mom finds me.

'Darling boy, are you OK?' she asks gently. She hugs me and kisses the top of my head then sits down next to me. 'How long have you been sat here?'

'All night.' I murmur. 'I don't remember mom, it hurts.' She envelopes me in a hug once more and my tears fall again.

We sit there for ages, not speaking, mom just holding me in her arms.

'Mom, you're supposed to be leaving for work.'

'They will understand if I'm late, you need me.'

'I'll be fine. I'll go for a run and then shower. Hannah is still asleep so I'll leave her be. Mom, I did something really stupid last night, Hannah's ex was so unkind to her so I punched him.'

'Was Hannah OK?'

'Yeah, she was good about it, said I only did it to protect her, but I still feel bad.'

'How's your hand, let me see.'

'Slightly bruised but otherwise OK.' I tell her as I show her.

She kisses my knuckles and just says 'Boys' before getting up. 'Go for a run, you'll feel better then. I'm leaving for work now so will see you later.'

'Ok mom, I'll see you tonight.'

I run along the coast road, it feels good to be out early. After an hour I'm back home and head for the shower. Hannah is still asleep, how can anyone sleep that solidly for so long. When I'm dressed I kiss her gently on the forehead, she stirs.

'Hey baby, it's time to wake up. I'm going to make some breakfast.'

'Morning Matt, what time is it?'

'Just after eight but if we want to go out this morning you need to get up.'

'I'd rather stay in bed with you.' She says and grins at me.

'No, up you get. We don't want to waste the morning, we only have a few hours and then we both have to work. I want to show you something.' I tell her.

'OK, for you Matt Grey anything.'

I leave her to get ready and go and make breakfast. Dad is just leaving for work, he asks if I'm feeling OK and I nod. Mom must have told him about earlier. Hannah appears just as the pancakes and bacon are ready. After we've eaten I grab her hand and then take her outside. We start walking along the road.

'Hey Matt, where are we going, is it far?'

'No, we're nearly there.' I say as we stop at the gates. They are locked but I climb over the wall helping Hannah do the same.

'Matt, what are we doing. Suppose someone sees us we're going to be in so much trouble.'

'Don't worry; we're just going to walk round the grounds.' I take her hand and we wander down the drive.

'Wow, this house is huge, who lives here?' she asks, I shrug, and we continue past the house into the back yard. The garden is massive; people must come and attend it still as it is immaculate.

'Matt, this place is beautiful, I thought the house you live in now with your mom and dad was my ideal home and would want to live there but this is a place you can only dream about.'

'I know.' I whisper. 'Come on let's go this way.' I tell her as I pull her towards a group of trees by the water's edge. It's as I remembered, a seat hanging from a branch. We sit on it side by side and make it move gently. It feels relaxing. Memories come flooding back, I used to sit here with mommy. She used to sing to me.

'Matt. This is heaven. I don't think I've been anywhere as nice as this.' She says and looks at me 'Hey Matt, what's the matter?' she asks. I realise there are tears trickling down my cheeks.

'I used to sit here with mommy.' I mutter. She looks at me not understanding what I mean. 'In the summer of an evening we would sit here waiting for daddy to come home and she would sing to me.'

'You lived here?' she asks, totally surprised.

'I was born here and this was my home until I was five.' I look at her, she looks totally shocked. 'My mommy and daddy were killed in a car crash; I went to live with mom and dad as they were my godparents.'

'I'm shocked, I didn't realise.' She says. I hold her hand and continue the swinging motion on the seat. 'Since I have known you, you have always lived with your mom and dad and been a Grey.'

'I know, does this make a difference to us?'

'No, not at all, you're still the same person that I've always known.' She replies. I kiss her gently on the lips and she deepens it. I pull away and get up off the seat.

'There's something else I want to show you, if it's still there' I say. I haven't been back here since the day that they were gone but some memories are beginning to appear. I hold her hand and she walks with me, we're on the other side of the garden now, there's a huge climbing frame with swings, slide, tunnels, bridges, any child would be thrilled with this.

'Wow Matt, you were truly spoilt. This is awesome.' She says as she starts climbing, I follow her and soon we are little kids again chasing each other round. I catch her and kiss her.

'Come this way, there's more.' I say. We're both slightly out of breath from the running around and the kissing. I hold her hand now as we're stood by the summerhouse; it's big, and faces the water with a spectacular view across to Seattle. The door is unlocked and we enter.

'I thought you could paint here.' I whisper 'No-one would disturb you.'

'What about the owners, won't they mind?' she asks

'I own it.' I say

'Really?'

'Yes really, I'll need to get the keys to the gate from mom so you don't have to climb over the wall. What do you think?'

'It's perfect Matt. I love you so much.'

'I love you too. Also I'm going to pay your share for the California trip so you don't need to save. I know you'll still want to work for your mom but there will be no pressure on you to get the money together so you can reduce your hours if your mom's happy with that.'

'But Matt, can you afford that.'

'Yes, Christian is more than generous with what he pays me. I want to make us work Hannah; I want us to go to Pullman together. I can work my socks off to get there but you need time and space to get your portfolio together so that we can do this. Can you do that here?'

'Yes I can, I want so much for us to go to university together as well. This will give me the opportunity to get myself sorted out. Thank you so much.'

'You're welcome baby.' Kissing her once more I realise how happy I am. We haven't been inside the house and I won't be ready to do that for a long time but being here with Hannah just feels so right. My hand moves automatically to her breast and she moans. Her hand is already inside my jeans, feeling my erection. I move mine down towards the edge of her skirt and then her panties.

'Oh Hannah you're so ready.' I whisper as my fingers move inside her.

'For you, always.' She says. We move towards the sofa at the far end and taking a condom out of my pocket I hand it to her. She rips the foil packet open as I free my erection for her to then roll it on and then I am inside her. I kiss her desperately as I move at a fast pace, she matches me. I look at her, 'Come for me baby.' I whisper and she does so that I can follow. I pull out of her and collapse by her side.

'Well prepared' Hannah says with a huge grin on her face.

I smirk back at her. 'I need to be with you.'

'When I paint here I'll be able to think of the two of us on the sofa' she smiles.

'Shall I collect you from work tonight and we could move some of your stuff across then. It will give you a chance to speak to your mom this afternoon.'

'That would be good, are you sure it's OK for me to use this.'

'Of course, I'm not ready to go into the house just yet but soon we will. One day we will live here.'

'Matt, I can only dream of living somewhere like this.'

'Well I'm here to make your dreams come true. If you like it then we will live here one day. Come on, let's go now. I'll drive you to the florists.'


	38. Chapter 38-Jealousy

We wander back down the drive hand in hand. I feel totally relaxed, happy and in love.

'This is such a beautiful house Matt; I can't believe it belongs to you.'

'Well it does, I only found out a few days ago. I just assumed it would have been sold. I've never been back here since the day they were killed; I couldn't even walk past without getting upset. Whenever we had to drive past then I would always screw my eyes shut, when the rest of the family realised this they would distract me if we came this way.'

'Oh Matt, how do you feel now about being here.'

'Happy, relaxed. It doesn't feel too bad with you here. I don't know when I'll be ready to go inside. I'll have to speak to mom; she has the keys and will know what it's like inside, whether it's still the same or if it's totally empty. Here let me help you back over the wall.' I give her a leg up and then climb over to join her on the other side. We walk back and go back into the house. I pack some gym stuff in case Christian wants a work out and then grab the keys to the new car.

'Do you want to leave your stuff here?' I ask Hannah. 'At least if you stay over again it's already here and it will save keep going back to your house.'

'Sure that would be good, I'll need to go home tonight though because I'm supposed to be working early tomorrow, I promised mom I would open the shop.'

'That's OK, I'd probably better put in a full day's work as well, come on I'll drop you off now, will you speak to your mom this afternoon?'

'Yes, I'll try and get her to reduce my hours; I'll call and let you know.' I open the car door for Hannah and then throw my bag into the trunk.

'I've not driven this car yet, Christian wanted first go yesterday.' I say and Hannah laughs 'Hey, what are you laughing at?'

'You and Christian. He might be the scariest person I know but the two of you together are like little kids. He has to drive the car first, you pinch the handcuffs off him, though I'm glad you did. It's like you're always trying to get one up on each the whole time. They always report in the papers that he's this mysterious person that no-one can get close to but you and him have this special kind of relationship. Even my three brothers who are close don't have the same relationship as you two.'

I smirk at her. 'You like the handcuffs, I wasn't sure. I was going to give them back to him. You're right though, we do have a great relationship, he's always been there for me. Lately though we've had a few problems, I've been a bit jealous about his relationship with Ana. I think I should be more accepting of it but I was worried he wouldn't have as much time for me. He's happy for me to be in a relationship with you though.'

'Maybe you just need to get to know Ana better, after all Christian has known me since I was five but you only met her a few weeks ago. How much time have you spent with them?'

'Not long, a meal at home when she came for dinner the first time and then the ball.'

'That's hardly any time at all, especially because there were loads of people at the ball. Remember with me and Christian it's different, I've been there for parties, meals, play dates and loads of other things; I've always been there so he knows me really well.'

'I suppose.' We're at the florists now, I get out and open Hannah's door for her. 'OK baby, call me later, I'll collect you from your house about seven, will that give you enough time to get your art stuff together.'

'Yes it should do, see you later, love you.'

'Love you too, laters baby.' I say as I kiss her and then climb back into the car. I drive into the city, music playing quietly in the background. Pulling into the parking lot I see Christian's car is here. I suppose I'd better head straight to his office so that he can have it out with me about last night. Arriving in his reception Andrea greets me warmly.

'Afternoon Matthew, Mr Grey is in a meeting at the moment.'

'Good afternoon Andrea, do you know how long he will be?'

'I'm not sure, please just excuse me a moment, his blackberry is ringing.' She says as she answers his phone efficiently, it's Ana on the phone and she tells her to hold the line while she goes to interrupt his meeting so he can speak with her. I flop down on the leather chair by the window, the feeling of jealousy returns. It's ok for Andrea to interrupt the meeting for Ana but a couple of weeks ago she told me to call him back. She does mean more to him than me. He finishes the call and turns to me.

'Hey little bro, my meeting will be finished in ten minutes, do you want to wait for me in my office?'

'Sure, I'll wait.'

'What's the matter? Are you in a bad mood? I thought you were spending the morning with Hannah.'

'Nothing, no and I did.'

'You're very talkative, and you look exhausted.'

'Go finish your meeting, I'll wait in your office and then we can talk.' I say.

'OK, I'll be with you soon.' He says and I go into the office. I stretch out on his sofa and close my eyes, he was right I am exhausted as I didn't sleep after waking up at 1 a.m. I close my eyes thinking I'll just catch up on ten minutes before Christian finishes his meeting.

'Matt, wake up.' Christian says as he gently shakes my shoulder. 'Here drink this.' He says as he passes me a glass of orange juice. 'How are you feeling now?'

'OK, why? Sorry I must have fallen asleep.'

'Matt you've been asleep for four hours, I called mom because I was worried about you. She said you'd been up all night looking at the photos. She's worried about you as well, she said you made her go to work but she wishes she'd stayed with you now.'

'I'm fine.' I say sullenly

'Matt…..'

'What' I snap

'Hey calm down, you can talk to me.' He looks at me with concern. 'Is everything OK with you and Hannah?'

'Yes.' I look at him warily, not knowing where I want to start the conversation with him.

'Would you rather go home and talk with mom?' he asks. I shrug my shoulders. He runs his fingers through his hair, he's trying to stay calm but I'm making him frustrated.

'Please Matt, tell me what you want to do.'

'I don't know.' I reply.

'Why don't you start by telling me what happened in the sports bar last night.'

'Hannah's ex was being a jerk. He touched her arm and I was jealous so I went over to check she was ok and he called her some awful name so I punched him.'

'I can relate to that, I'd have probably done the same.' He says, I look at him stunned that he's not angry. 'I'm not angry with you, I only needed to know his name so that my PR can make sure it doesn't make the press. Do you think you'll have any more problems with him, I can send Taylor to have a word with him.'

'No hopefully it will be OK, maybe he learnt a lesson.'

'OK, but let me know if he's a problem and I will fix it. So why were you awake all night?'

'I went to sleep but then woke up at one and couldn't get back to sleep, I think I was worried about having a nightmare, Hannah stayed over and I didn't want to have one with her there. I played the piano for a bit and then found the photo albums so looked through them. That's when mom found me.'

'She's concerned about you.'

'I know, I think I'll go home soon and see her before I collect Hannah later.' I say 'I took Hannah to the house this morning.' Christian looks at me in shock. 'We didn't go inside, we just walked round the garden.'

'How did you feel?'

'OK, in fact I felt quite good. It was easier having her there. We sat on the swing seat near the water.'

'Oh I remember that.'

'Then we went on the climbing frame, it was being like a kid again.' I smile and he grins back at me. 'I said she could use the summerhouse to do her art portfolio, she has to get most of it done this summer.'

'Wow Matt, I'm shocked but happy for you that you've done this.'

'I'm not ready to go in the house just yet though.'

'I can understand that. It sounds like you had a good morning, so why the bad mood earlier?' he asks. I look at him warily again. 'Tell me, something is wrong, just say it, don't be scared.'

'I'm jealous of Ana.' I say and he looks puzzled. 'When I arrived today your phone rang and when Andrea answered it she came to interrupt your meeting straight away. When I called you a couple of weeks ago for the first time in four days she told me to call you back.'

'Oh Matt, I'm sorry. If I'd have known you were going to call I would have left anything at the time to hear you speak to me. You have no need to be jealous, I will always be there for you. I think you need to get to know Ana better.'

'That's what Hannah said.'

'Sensible girl. It looks like Mia has got her way with organising a dinner for my birthday on Saturday so why don't you sit on the other side of Ana and then you can chat with her.'

'OK, I'm sorry I'm being silly aren't I?'

'No don't worry, but you need to talk to me so that we can sort things out before they become a problem. I want to show you something, then you can go home early and see mom.'

'But I haven't done any work today.'

'Don't worry, you can make up for it tomorrow.' He says as we leave his office. We take the elevator down one floor. It's empty and I wonder why he's brought me here.

'I want you to work from this floor, you can still look at the accounts from here but you'll be able to do so in privacy and without people realising what you're up to, I trust you completely to look into any of my businesses. No-one else works on this level so you can do what you want with it. When you go back to school you can always come here after to do homework. It's up to you how you decorate it and what furniture you want.

I'm shocked. 'You're doing this for me.'

'Yes, I enjoy having you here working with me, I know you'll be back at school soon and then going to university but I want this floor to be yours to do with as you want, even run your own businesses from here if you so want. Even if you're only in here a couple of hours a week it will be good knowing that you've got this.'

'Wow Christian, thank you. I can't believe you would do this for me.' I say and give him a hug.

'Go home now, speak to mom and remember I'm here for you always.'

'Thank you.' I grin at him and he hands me some keys for the offices and we leave together.

'


	39. Chapter 39-Lucky

As I drive home with the music in the background once more I call Hannah but it goes straight to voicemail.

'Hi Baby, hope you've had a good afternoon. Call me or I'll call you back later. See you about seven. Love you.'

I turn the music up and head across the bridge to Bellevue. Mom is sat on one of the comfy chairs on the patio when I get home. I go and sit next to her, giving her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

'Hi darling boy. How are you now, Christian called earlier, he was concerned something was wrong.'

'I'm good mom; I went for a walk round the grounds of the house with Hannah this morning.' I say with a small smile.

Mm looks shocked. 'How did you feel?'

'Good, relaxed. I sat on the swing seat, I used to sit there with mommy and she would sing to me.'

'You remember?' mom asks with tears in her eyes.

'Yes, a few things came back to me. We played on the climbing frame and I've said Hannah can use the summerhouse to paint in this summer. Is that OK mom?'

'Of course darling. Whatever makes you happy.'

'Where are the keys, we had to climb over the wall this morning.'

'Oh Matt, I'll go and get them now.'

'I'll come with you, can we walk there now. I want to be there with you mom.'

'Of course, let's go.'

We walk together, mom's arm tucked in mine. She shows me how to use the keys to open the gate if I'm driving through or if I'm just walking through which opens only a small part of it. We continue down the drive.

'Are you OK?' mom asks.

'Yes. You?'

'I'm fine; I come here at least once a week.'

'Really, even inside.'

'Yes, I check everything is OK and give it a quick clean.'

'Oh, I don't think I'm ready to go inside yet.'

'I didn't expect you to be straight away, this is a big step coming into the grounds. When you are ready I'd like to be with you.'

'OK mom.'

We walk round the side of the house and make our way to the waters edge. We sit on the swing seat in a comfortable silence. Again I feel totally relaxed. Together we then wander over to the summerhouse. Mom shows me the keys that will lock it to keep Hannah's things safe and inside shows me where there are garden chairs and picnic blankets. Back at the front of the house we go past the garage.

'Can you deal with looking in there?' mom asks nodding towards the garage.

'Sure.' I say. It is huge, easily big enough to house at least eight cars. Mom unlocks it and then waits for me to enter before following me inside. I'm shocked; there are still four cars inside. Vintage cars, two are from England.

'We didn't sell these as they were your daddy's pride and joy and irreplaceable.' Mom says.

'Wow, they're unbelievable.' I say, going to get a closer look. Next to one of the cars is an identical miniature pedal car. 'That was mine.' I say looking at mom, tears in my eyes.

'Yes, it was made especially for you.' Mom hugs me. I don't know what to say. 'Shall we go? Have you seen enough today?' I nod and we walk out. Mom knows how to get the conversation going again by changing the subject and asks if I'm seeing Hannah tonight. I tell mom that I'm picking her up about seven so we can bring her art stuff over.

We approach the front door to home and mom turns to me and says 'I'm going to start cooking dinner now, will you and Hannah eat with us, it will be ready for about 7:30.'

'Sure mom, that will be good. We'll eat and then take her stuff to the summerhouse before I drop her home again. I could do with an early night tonight. I'm going to shower first and then I will go and collect her.'

'OK, I'll see you later darling' she says and I hug her again. I shower; change and then head back out to the car. I call Hannah as I'm driving but again it goes to voicemail so I leave a message to say I'm on my way.

I'm early for once and as I'm about to knock on the front door I hear raised voices from the other side. Hannah and her mom are having an argument and I can't help but listen.

'I love him.' Hannah shouts.

'You're eighteen, how do you know what love is, this has happened too quickly.'

'I just know mom, it feels so right.'

'But to cut your work hours to just draw and paint is ridiculous.'

'It's what I want to do though; you know I've always wanted to study art.'

'But where will it lead you. Take a step back and think about what you really want Hannah. You're too young to be deciding all this now. Is he brainwashing you? Trying to impress you with him being a Grey and who his brother is.'

'No mom, it's not like that.'

'So what is it like, because to me it looks like you're throwing everything away right now for a boy.'

'Mom, he means everything to me.'

'Well if that's the way you feel go to him but don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out. I won't want to know.'

Shit, this is really bad. I make my way back to the car and sit and wait for a few minutes. I don't want Hannah to have to choose between me and her family; I don't want to be in the middle of Hannah and her mom. The front door opens and Hannah appears carrying a bag. I leap out of the car and go to help her.

'Baby are you ok?' I ask, she looks like she's been crying.

'If I bring my stuff out can you put it in the trunk?' is all she says.

'Sure.' I say as she disappears into the house. She returns five more times and there seems to be a mountain of stuff. Once it's all in the car she says 'Let's go, I'll tell you more on the way.'

I pull off the drive and look at her cautiously. 'Baby, I'm here when you want to talk.' She nods at me but continues to stare straight ahead. Ten minutes later on the drive at home I switch the engine off and turn to Hannah. I undo her seatbelt and gently lift her onto my knee, enveloping her in a hug. She finally lets go and sobs into my chest.

'Shush baby, tell me what's wrong.'

'Oh Matt, do you think your mom would let me stay here for a couple of days until I sort myself out. My mom totally lost it today when I asked her about reducing my hours; she wanted me to work more so that she can help my brothers out. She's thrown me out, thinking that things between us are moving too fast. I don't know what to do.'

'Let's go inside and talk to mom.' I say and kiss her gently on the forehead.

We head straight for the kitchen; Mia is in there helping mom with dinner.

'Hi you two, dinner will be another twenty minutes.' Mom says and then looks up. She can see that Hannah is upset. 'Hannah darling what's the matter?' Hannah just stands there not sure what to say. Mom comes straight to her and gives her a hug. 'Do you want to talk?' she asks her quietly. Hannah nods so mom guides her to the family room saying on the way. 'Matt, help Mia finish the dinner.' I feel grateful for something to do. I set the table, and let Mia take over giving me instructions. Mom appears after ten minutes.

'Matt, go and see her. She's going to stay here in one of the guest rooms for now until we can sort things out with her mom. We will all sit down for dinner in five minutes OK.'

I nod. 'Thanks mom.' Is all I say and give her a quick hug. Making my way to the family room I find Hannah staring out of the French windows. I walk towards her and standing behind her wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. She turns and allows me to envelope her in a hug.

I kiss her gently on the lips not expecting anything in return but she deepens it immediately. I pull away 'Hey baby, are you ok?' I ask.

'Yes, I will be. Your mom has been brilliant. We'd better go and eat. We can talk after dinner and unpack the car then.' She replies before kissing me again. We then walk hand in hand to the dining room. Mom smiles when she sees us. Dinner is quite relaxed, Mia tells us of the latest plans for Christian's birthday and that she's meeting Ana for lunch tomorrow. Mom talks about Elliot returning with Kate on Friday. Whilst the girls talk together I chat with dad about Christian letting me work from the 19th floor at Grey House and also about visiting the house today. He tells me that mom had told him about the last part and next time I'm there could he come and look at the cars with me.

I smile at him and say 'Of course, I bet Christian would like to see them as well.'

'Oh he definitely would, he drove one of them up and down the drive on his fifteenth birthday from what I remember.'

'Really, well I'm having first go on the other three then.' I say and dad bursts out laughing.

'Competitive as ever the pair of you.' Is all he says and I smile at him.

After dinner mom looks at me and Hannah and suggests that we leave the table to go and talk privately. We head outside and down towards the jetty, it is such a lovely evening. Hannah sits with her feet in the water as I sit behind her, arms wrapped round her middle.

'Matt, are you OK me staying here in the guest room?' Hannah asks.

'Sure baby, whatever makes you happy.'

'It was your mom that suggested it, she said we could then be together when we wanted or have space from each other as well. She said I can stay as long as I like and that she will come with me to talk to mom. She has been so kind, you are so lucky.'

'I know. It will be good to have you around more but I can see where mom is coming from with the having space from each other. This is all so new still and we're still so young to be sharing a room full time. Besides we would never get any sleep.' I say as she turns to look at me and I smirk at her. 'Are you a bit happier now than earlier?'

'Yes a lot happier, having your mom being so supportive helps. Shall we go and unpack some stuff from the car. We don't want to leave it too late.'

'Sure, I could do with an early night; I've got a busy day at work tomorrow. What will you do tomorrow?' I ask.

'If it's ok with everyone here I'll probably spend most of my time here in the garden painting.'

'That will be fine, no-one will object to that. Come on I'll race you to the car.' And with that I set off running, though I slow so that she can catch me as we approach the car.

'I love you Hannah Sullivan.'

'Love you too, Matt Grey.' And with that she kisses me.


	40. Chapter 40-Control Freak?

After unpacking the car and putting all Hannah's stuff into the largest of the guest rooms we collapse on the bed. I pull her close, her back to my front and kiss her hair.

'Sleep baby, you must be exhausted.' I say. Her breathing relaxes and soon she is fast asleep. I leave her then, wandering back into my own room. I can't relax enough to sleep and end up back downstairs. Mom is still up; I go and sit next to her on the sofa.

'Hannah's asleep in the guest room; I'll be going into work early in the morning so I won't disturb her. Do you think she'll be OK?' I ask.

'Yes, I'm off work tomorrow so will look after her. I'll try and get her to open up a bit more. It seems like Hannah and her mom have been having problems for a while. I think her mom wants her to take over the running of the florists so that she can look after her grandchildren.'

'I know but shouldn't Hannah have her own life and make her own decisions instead of just fitting in around the family for their benefit.'

'I think so, but I'll talk to her more tomorrow.'

'Thanks mom, I guess I didn't realise how lucky we were having you and dad being so supportive in what we all do.' I hug her and say 'I love you mom.' She smiles at me and kisses my forehead before replying 'I love you too darling boy, remember that I'll always be here if you need help with anything. I'm so glad that you and Hannah feel comfortable enough to come to me for help.'

I make my way back upstairs and flop onto the bed, sleep finally comes.

Waking early the next day, I shower, dress and then pop my head round the door of the room where Hannah is. She is still asleep so I leave her be. Halfway through breakfast mom appears and hugs me and kisses the top of my head.

'Morning darling boy, you're up very early, I was going to make your breakfast.'

'I need to do some work today mom, so thought I'd have an early start. I feel a bit guilty for sleeping in Christian's office for four hours yesterday afternoon. I think he would have fired any normal employee by now but he's quite lenient with me. I don't want to take advantage of him being my brother.'

'Oh you know what Christian is like; he'll be tough on you when he wants to be.' She says smiling. I smile back at her knowing that she's right.

I arrive at work at 7a.m and head straight to the 19th floor. I wander around; there are five rooms in total, all with spectacular views. One already has a desk in and I set up my computer on it. In the other rooms the furniture is sparse, a meeting room with large table and twelve chairs, another room with a couple of comfy leather sofas and a small room attached to it with facilities to make drinks. There are another two large rooms that are completely empty. I will have to think what I want to do with those, though one has an ensuite shower room.

I settle myself at my desk and start to plan. Once I'm happy I move on to check out some of the accounts of first Christian's businesses and then my own. At 10a.m the phone on my desk rings. It's Christian. As usual he gets straight to the point. 'Why isn't your blackberry on? My office now.' And then he clicks off and I'm left staring into the handset baffled. What does he want now?

I leave what I'm doing and make my way straight to his office. Andrea isn't on reception so I just walk straight in. He's barking orders at someone but I go and sit on the leather sofa ignoring his conversation. When he's finished he comes and sits opposite and his tone changes.

'Morning Matt, you were in early this morning.' How does he know?

'I thought I'd better make up for yesterday.'

'Hey, that's fine. You more than make up for it with all the work you've been doing. With everything else that was going on yesterday I forgot to tell you about the girl. She's recovering in a psychiatric facility so will be no further trouble to you. You were in no danger from her; she wanted to get close to you as a way of getting to me. She apologises if she scared you and she also thanks you for helping her in the apartment.'

'Really, she had a funny way of showing I was in no danger; I've never been so scared.'

'I know, and I'm sorry you were ever involved but it's over now.' Christian says before totally changing the topic. 'How many contacts have you got in your blackberry?' I look at him puzzled 'Security.' Is all he says.

'Seven, mom, dad, Elliot, Mia, you, Taylor and Hannah.'

'No other friends?'

'No, I don't really have that many and I don't give out my number to anyone I come in contact with.'

'Good, I thought I was the only one in the family that was elusive but you are even more so.' He says and I smirk at him.

'I don't want everyone knowing my business and feeling they can contact me anytime. I see who I need to at school and that's enough.' I say as he smiles at me. 'So what's with the purchase of SIP? It's hardly profitable at the moment.'

'You have been working hard; the takeover bid is embargoed for a few more weeks yet.'

'I'm hardly going to say anything. Does Ana know, that's where she works isn't it?'

'Yes she knows, I bought it to keep her safe. Last night I fired her boss, he was inappropriate towards her.' He says. I look at him stunned. 'When Barney checked out his computer he found lots of information on all the Greys apart from you.'

'That's strange, is that why you were asking about the phone contacts?'

'Yes' is all he replies and the changes the subject again. 'Shall we work out together?'

'Sure, I'll go and grab my stuff.'

For two hours we work out, we push each other and the physical exertion feels good. Today we are equal and can't get the better of each other but the demands we place on one another's bodies is punishing. I am exhausted when we finish. We both shower and then head back to Christian's office. Taylor has left lunch for us both so we sit and eat.

'I need to fly to Portland tomorrow lunchtime with Ros for a meeting at WSU, will you come with us?'

'That sounds good.'

'In the evening Ana has got a friend coming, they're going out for drinks together with Kate and her brother and then he's staying at Escala. Do you fancy getting together with Elliot for a couple of drinks; you could stay over as well if you want.'

'Sure, I'll have to check with Hannah. I can't see it being a problem. She had an argument with her mom yesterday and she threw her out of the house, she's staying with us at the moment as she had nowhere else to go.' Christian grins at me and I know what he's thinking. 'In the guest room.' I state matter of factually. 'Mom was going to chat with her today to try and sort things out.'

'OK, why don't you head home early and spend some time with her.' He says.

'Maybe, I've got a few more things I need to look at so will probably leave about 4pm. I'd better go and get on with it now. Please thank Mrs Jones for lunch.'

'No worries, I've got meetings all afternoon so will see you tomorrow.' We both get up together and I give him a quick hug before returning to my office. I call Hannah but I'm switched straight to voicemail so then I call mom.

'Hi darling' Mom says.

'Hi Mom, is everything OK? I tried to call Hannah but there was no answer.'

'She's down by the jetty painting. Do you want me to take the phone to her?'

'No, don't disturb her, I'll be leaving work early and will be home about four so we'll have all evening together. I'll see you soon mom, love you.'

Love you too darling boy, see you soon' she says as I click the phone off.

I absorb myself in my work once more, now I've discovered Christian's recent purchase of SIP I look and see what else he has been up to. By 3pm I'm starting to tire and decide to call it a day. I quickly text Christian to let him know I'm on my way home but there's no reply.

I'm home for 4pm. Mom is playing the piano, I've not heard her play for a while but she stops when I enter the room.

'Hi mom, you don't need to stop for me.' I say as I go over and give her a hug.

'I was ready to finish anyway.' She says 'I'm meeting dad soon as we going out with friends tonight so I need to get ready. Hannah is still down by the jetty, she's been there most of the day.'

'How is she?'

'Upset, confused with her mom. We've had a good chat though but I'll leave her to tell you what she wants to.'

'OK, thanks mom. I'll go to her now.' I say and giving her another hug I leave the room. Passing through the kitchen I grab some cold drinks and fruit and then head for the jetty. Hannah seems to be lost in her own world; it looks like her sketch book is full of drawings in pencil and ink.

'Hey baby, I've brought you a drink and something to eat.' I say, giving her a kiss on the cheek. 'How's your day been?'

'Thanks Matt, I've actually had a really good day. Time to myself to do what I want without worrying about anyone else. Your mom has been brilliant; we've had chat about what I want to do and my future. She's been so encouraging and supportive.' She smiles at me. I sit down next to her and give her a hug.

'You seem a lot happier than last night. Sorry I left you this morning, you looked so beautiful sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you.'

'That's ok; your mom explained you wanted to be in work early. It's nice that you're home early as well because it means we've got time together now. I tried to call mom this morning but she didn't really want to talk to me, she says I've made my choice between family and you. It hurt so much.'

'Hey baby.' I say, pulling her close. 'I'm sorry, I didn't want to cause any upset between you and your mom and the rest of the family.'

'I don't know why she doesn't like you. I then called dad, he surprised me, he was really supportive of what I want to do. He's flying back from Chicago tomorrow; I'm going to meet him in the evening. He's staying in a hotel at Sea Tac for a couple of nights before flying back. Would you mind if I stayed with him tomorrow and Saturday. I know its Christian's birthday and Mia has been pestering me about what I'm wearing but I'm not sure I feel up to being with everyone right now.'

'That's fine, whatever makes you happy baby. It will be good for you to spend time with your dad. Christian had asked me to stay at his tomorrow so it fits in with my plans. Shall I drop you at the hotel tomorrow and then collect you on Sunday.'

'Yes please, that would be good.'

'If you need me at all over the weekend you only have to call and I'll be there for you, but I respect that you want to spend time with your dad and will leave you to do that.' I kiss her gently on the lips, she deepens it and I'm lost. Pulling away I look at her, my eyes must be blazing with desire.

'I want you.' she says.

'I know, let's go for a walk though. Mom and dad are out this evening, shall we go and pack a picnic and take it to the summerhouse?' I ask her.

'Oh Matt, that would be lovely, it was so perfect there yesterday. Can we take some of my art stuff?'

'Of course.' I say, helping her to her feet. 'I'll just go and get changed out of this suit, though I don't know why I bothered with it today, Christian actually turned up for work in jeans.'

'Well I don't care what Christian was wearing, you look good in a suit.' She says smiling.

'Really, well I'm still changing. You get your art stuff that you want then we'll pack the picnic together.'

'Oh Mr Control Freak, bossing me around now.' She smirks.

'I'll give you control freak, wait until we'll in the summerhouse. Go and get ready now.'

'Promises, promises.' She giggles as she goes into her room and I go into mine.


	41. Chapter 41-Troubled?

We are stretched out on the picnic rug; I feed Hannah the last strawberry and then kiss her.

'Hmmm, that was a perfect evening Hannah, I'm totally relaxed after work and could lie here all night.' I say.

'I couldn't agree more, even with all the problems with my mom I still feel really good at the moment. I can't thank you and your mom enough for everything. Being able to relax and draw today and then coming here to picnic has been perfect.'

'Good, what time do you want taking to the hotel tomorrow. You can either come into work with me first thing, then maybe shop for a bit and get the bus there or you can stay here all day and I can take you in the evening. I'm flying to Portland tomorrow in Christian's helicopter for a meeting. I think we're leaving mid-morning.'

'I'll come with you first thing then, it will be good to wander round the shops. Can I come and see your office first?'

'Sure baby, though there's not much to see at the moment, maybe you could paint from there the view is spectacular.'

'That would be good.' She then moves to kiss me, though I pull away.

'Will you stay in my room tonight?' I ask her. 'You won't be here for the next two evenings. I'll miss you.'

'Sure' She says and kisses me again, more passionate this time. One hand in her hair and the other on her breast I play with her nipple and she groans. She starts to undo my zip but I pull away, I take her hand and we move together inside the summerhouse. We're soon back to where we were before the interruption, I tease one nipple with my tongue whilst pulling the other one, Hannah writhes beneath me. My hand moves down inside her panties and she is so ready. Pushing another finger inside and the heel of my hand against her clit I increase the teasing and the pressure. I kiss her ear now, whispering 'Come for me baby' and she climaxes. I lie next to her as her breathing returns to normal, stroking her hair, she is so beautiful.

'What are you doing to me Matt.' she whispers. 'I love you so much and can't imagine my life without you.'

'I feel the same baby.' I say and then kiss her. She rolls on top of me, and moving my t-shirt up, kisses my chest before moving down and taking me in her mouth. The feeling is so good, the sensation is building. 'Hannah, please stop.' I whisper.

'What's the matter?' she says as she stops and sits up looking at me.

'I'm scared for what I'm feeling right now, it's just so intense.' I say, pulling her up so that she's lying on top of me. 'Let me make love to you.' She kisses me passionately and then finding the foil packet in my pocket rips it open and rolls the condom onto my erection. I am so ready that I almost come but I roll over so that Hannah is beneath me and then I am inside her, slowly we move together as one. Kissing each other, we then pick up the pace. I am lost in her, she comes and then I follow, totally spent.

'Are you OK Matt?'

'Yes, I love you so much baby that if anything were to happen between us I don't know how I'd cope. Should I feel like this after such a short time?'

'I feel the same, it scares me as well the depth of feelings I have for you.' She says as she kisses me gently on the lips. We lie together for a while, totally content to be in each other's arms.

'Matt, earlier when I spoke to your mom we talked about contraception….' Hannah starts, I sit up suddenly.

'You spoke to mom about that?' I say, totally shocked.

'Well yes, she's helped us before and she is probably the best person to speak to about it.'

'But she's my mom.' I say, still in total shock.

'Hey, remember when we totally lost control you said she was the best person to help us.'

'I know, but then she was so angry with me. That hurt so much I don't want to make her angry again.'

'She's not angry now, she's given me the number and details of someone we could go and see to discuss everything with. I just wondered if you would come with me.'

'Of course I will, and mom was OK.'

'She was more than OK; I think she was pleased that I'd asked her for help.'

'OK baby, if you make an appointment for next week I'll take you. Come on let's tidy up and then we'll go back home.' I say. 'Hannah, did you ever pass your driving test?' I ask.

'Yes, why?'

'Why don't you ever drive then, haven't you got a car?'

'No, mom said I could borrow hers until I saved up for one.'

'Ok, that's another job for next week then, I'll take you to buy a car.'

'But Matt, I haven't saved up yet.'

'So, I'll buy you one.'

'No, you can't do that, it's too much.'

'Hey, I can afford it, Christian pays me too much and I haven't got anything else to spend the money on. Please let's not argue about it, I'd really like to do this for you.'

'I'm not sure; it's such a big thing.'

'Don't overthink it, I'll buy it for you and when you sell your first painting you can pay me back. Deal?'

'Deal.' She giggles and that makes me smile. We walk back home, hand in hand, happy with each other once again. When we get there Mia is already in the kitchen with a few of her friends.

'Hi Matt, hi Hannah. I've arranged the party for Saturday evening, have you bought Christian a present yet?' Mia asks. Her friends give Hannah a cool look and then bat their eyelashes at me trying to flirt. I ignore them.

'I thought it was a family dinner, and yes I ordered it this morning so it should be here in time.'

'Well I invited a few more people than just family, I met Kate's brother at lunchtime so invited him.'

'Christian will be mad with you.' I say.

'I know, but he's always mad.' She says and smiles.

'Rather you than me.' I reply cheekily, then grab Hannah's hand and lead her upstairs.

Locking the door behind us I pull Hannah towards me once more, I kiss her with passion forcing my tongue in her mouth. She responds, pulling my shirt off and then her hands are in my trousers once more. I pull her dress over her head and carry her to the bed. Reaching into the top drawer I pull out a foil packet.

'It's the last one.' I whisper 'Shall we use it now or in the morning?'

'Now, I'm desperate for you now'

'You are so insatiable.'

'Only for you.'

'Too right only for me, you are mine.' I say rolling on the condom before ramming into her.

'Matt.' she cries out. I stop and look at her; she looks back at me with wide eyes.

'Sorry baby, did I scare you?' I ask her gently.

'Slightly, you were just so rough.' I pull out of her and lie at her side stroking her hair.

'Baby, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Let's sleep.' I say, pulling her close her back to my front.

Hannah is soon asleep but I am wide awake. I pull on some pyjama bottoms and go downstairs as I'm restless once again. Most of Mia's friends have gone home; she's sat chatting with Lily. As I move to the fridge to get the milk carton Lily watches my every move. She has no shame, staring open mouthed, and I thought it was Christian that she liked. I drink straight from the carton, hoping to disgust her with my habits but she still stares.

'Matthew Grey, you are so disgusting.' Mia admonishes me.

'Really Mia and you're not?' I reply as I put the carton back. Mia is always the one I argue with.

'Don't put it back, mom will be cross if she finds out.'

'Are you going to tell on me?' I ask like we're young kids again.

'Maybe, just to get you into trouble, you're such a goody goody and can do no wrong in her eyes, maybe mom needs to know her darling little boy isn't so perfect.'

I freeze and stare at her. Mia knows that she's upset me.

'Please don't tell Mia, she will be angry with me.' I whisper.

'What will you do for me not to tell?' she asks, my sister is good at bribery.

'Anything' I reply quietly, looking at her with fear in my eyes. I am so scared of mom being angry with me again. She smiles at me knowing that she's won the argument. Mom and dad arrive home and walk in on us in the kitchen.

'What's going on?' mom asks.

'We're just talking about Christian's birthday.' Mia replies smiling at mom. I don't say anything; I put my head down and look at my feet. Mia continues 'I've invited a few extra people mom; I thought we could do a buffet where people help themselves.'

'That's sounds good' mom says 'Is Christian OK with that?'

'Sure' Mia replies and I look at her warily, wondering if she is going to tell on me. She gives me a huge grin; I know I'll have to wait until she's thought of something to hold me to. I go to mom and hug her and then leave the kitchen.

Going to the family room I sit at the piano and start to play. It's mournful and sad but that's how I'm feeling right now. I don't know how long I've been playing, I've lost track of time. Mom appears beside me.

'What's worrying you darling boy?' she says as she sits next to me on the piano stool. I look at her with big sad eyes.

'Matt it's 3am; you've been playing something sad constantly for the last few hours. Something has upset you hasn't it?' I nod.

'Do you want to talk about it?' I shrug. Mom envelopes me in a hug.

'Please talk to me darling; I can't help if I don't know what it is.' I look at her warily.

'Am I going to be angry?' she asks and I nod, eyes wide.

'Try me, I might surprise you.' She says gently.

I take a deep breath 'Mom, Mia was annoying me and her stupid friend wouldn't stop staring at me so I drank straight from the milk carton in front of them and put it back in the fridge. I'm sorry mom; Mia said you would be angry when you found out.'

Mom kisses the top of my head and laughs. 'This is what you've been worrying about; you do get yourself worked up over the smallest of things. I'm not angry.'

'Really? And Hannah said she spoke to you about contraception, I thought you might be angry about that as well.'

'No, what the pair of you are doing is natural but it's best to take precautions and Hannah is being sensible now. I'm glad she came to me to ask for help. Anything else troubling you?'

'No mom, that's it.' I say giving her a shy smile before hugging her.

'In that case, bed, go and get some sleep.'

'Thanks mom, I love you. Night.' I give her a kiss and then we climb the stairs together.


	42. Chapter 42-Hate

I lie on the bed watching Hannah sleep, she is so beautiful. I could watch her all night. Sleep still doesn't come to me so I get my ipad and do some stuff on it for a while. Eventually I feel tired enough to sleep but it's only for a couple of hours before the alarm wakes me. I shower, dress then wake Hannah.

'Morning baby' I say as I kiss her. She smiles at me. 'If you still want a lift this morning into the city we need to leave soon, shall I pack you a small weekend bag whilst you shower?'

'Hmmm, that would be good, I'll get up now.' She says. I pack her a few items and add my ipad to the bag to surprise her with later.

When she emerges from the shower I quickly hug her. 'I'll meet you in the kitchen; I'll go and make us some breakfast.' I say as I take her bag downstairs.

Mom and Mia are already sat at the table. I hug mom sitting down next to her and then help myself to pancakes and bacon.

Mia smirks at me, I eye her warily. 'Matt, will you help me and Lily tomorrow sort out some things for Christian's birthday.'

'It depends what it is and what I'm up to.' I reply sullenly not really wanting to get involved with the pair of them.

'Last night you said you would do anything.' She says smiling sweetly.

'That was last night.' I reply grumpily.

'Mom, last night Matt drank…' Mia starts

'Mia, that's enough. I know what happened.' Mom says sharply. 'Stop trying to get Matt into trouble, the poor boy was up most of the night because he was worried I would be angry with him.'

Mia glares at me, her eyes blazing with anger. I look down, concentrating on eating my food. Luckily Hannah arrives; Mia fusses over her as if nothing has happened. I hear the phone ringing in the hallway; mom excuses herself and goes to answer. She's not gone long.

Sitting back down next to me she says, 'That was Christian, please can you switch your phone on Matt he was trying to get hold of you.'

'Sure mom, did he not want to just talk to me. He knows how much I hate my mobile.' I say as I switch it on. It vibrates into life. There are a few texts from him, the last one saying 'Where the hell are you? We had a breakfast meeting at 8am.' Oh shit, even from a text I can tell he's angry with me.

'Mom, was Christian mad on the phone?' I ask her quietly.

'Yes, I think I managed to calm him down though.' She replies gently with a smile.

'I'd better go to work and face him. He's angry with me.' I say.

'Hey, Christian is always angry, don't worry about it Matt.' Mia says and actually smiles at me. She even gets up to hug me and whispers 'Sorry about last night, stop worrying.'

I hug her back, then hug mom before saying goodbye to them both.

'Are you ready Hannah?' I ask, she nods and we grab her bag from the hallway and head to the car. Putting her bag in the trunk I then open her car door before going round to the driver's side. I put some music on quietly in the background and set off for the city.

'What's the matter with you?' Hannah asks, direct as ever.

'Nothing, why?'

'Are you worrying about facing Christian?'

'Yes.'

'Oh Matt, what's the worst he will do to you, he'll shout and have a tantrum tell you not to work for him and then ten minutes later he'll regret he's said it and will be all sorry and dump a huge amount of cash in your bank account.'

'When you put it like that it sounds almost funny.' I say looking at her and smile.

'It is. So what else is wrong?' she asks. I look at her quizzically, so she continues. 'You've hardly spoken to me or touched me this morning, a quick kiss and quick hug. Have I done something wrong or upset you?'

'No, it's me. Last night when I was rough with you, I don't know what came over me. I'm scared to come near you in case I hurt you. I think I must be some kind of monster.' I whisper, keeping my eyes firmly on the road, too scared to look at her.

'Hey, don't beat yourself up about it, we're still learning about each other's bodies and sometimes things will hurt, but as long as we let each other know before things go too far we'll be fine. I love you Matt Grey and you being rough once in a while won't scare me away.'

I look at her now, smiling with the look of love in my eyes. 'I love you too baby, I'm sorry about last night.'

'Don't worry; we'll make up for it on Sunday.' She replies, grinning at me and placing her hand on my thigh.

'Behave' I tell her as I pull into the parking lot.

'At least you're in a good mood now to face your brother, as he's shouting at you just think about what you're going to do to me in bed on Sunday.'

'You're such a bad influence on me. Come on, you can wait in my office whilst I'll go and see him.'

As we enter Grey House Hannah looks around her in awe, I press the button for the elevator as her eyes move around taking everything in. We're then in the elevator and I move to kiss her, I want her desperately but am not even prepared as we've no condoms left, fortunately the elevators in this place move so fast that we're soon at the nineteenth floor. I grab her hand and pull her into the office.

'Come and look at the view.' I say, and she follows me. Her jaw drops as she stares out of the window.

'Wow Matt, I could look at that view all day.'

'I know, it's good isn't it, go exploring the other offices as well, this whole floor belongs to me, well for the next ten minutes it does. I'll be back to see you soon.' I say as I give her another passionate kiss.

I make my way up to Christian's floor. I can see he's still in a meeting.

'Morning Matthew, Mr Grey is in a meeting. Do you want to wait for him?' Andrea asks.

'Yes, I'll wait Andrea; can I wait in his office?' I ask politely.

'Sure, I'll let him know that you're here.'

'Oh don't worry about telling him I'm here, I'll wait for as long as it takes, he's so angry with me right now.' I say with a smile.

'I'm sure he's not angry with you.'

'Well just wait and see how loud he shouts.' I say cheekily smiling at her, then enter Christian's office. I go and sit in his chair by his desk and swivel it round so that I'm looking out of the window. I'm lost in thought, staring at the view and I'm not sure how long I've been here but I feel him enter the office and the door clicks behind him. I turn the chair round slowly, he's walking calmly towards me but his gray eyes are the giveaway, they are emanating anger. Despite my bravado with Hannah and Andrea earlier I am scared of him. I gulp. I should get out of his chair but I am frozen to the spot.

'Where the hell were you this morning?' he shouts.

'I'm sorry, I didn't realise.' I stammer in reply looking at him, he must see the fear in my eyes.

'It's too late to be fucking sorry; I needed you here at eight this morning not just rolling up when you fucking well feel like it.' He shouts even louder.

'Please don't be angry.' I whisper.

'Please don't be angry, I'm beyond angry and you know it, and what the fuck are you doing sat in my chair? You're not the CEO here.' His voice is even louder now. I stand and move to the side of the desk, not really sure what to do or what to say. I look at him again, I will not cry in front of him but the tears are there and I will them to stay where they are, I don't want to be here with him right now. He's staring straight back, his eyes piercing right through me.

'Well, what excuse have you got this time?' I shrug, I can't talk.

'Oh that's right, just do what you always do, go into your own little world and stop talking to the rest of us so that we all feel sorry for you then by the time you decide to speak we've forgotten what we were angry with you about in the first place.' he shouts in anger. I freeze, that hurt. First Mia last night and now Christian. They hate me.

'I'm sorry.' I whisper. I'm still staring at him unable to move.

'You've already said that. Mom said to go easy on you but hey guess what that's what we've always done, it's time you got in the real world and took some responsibility.' He says, not quite as loud as before. I look at him in shock, again there are similarities with him and Mia and their comments about mom.

'Do you all hate me?' I ask. He looks at me bewildered almost, probably wondering why I'm asking. 'It's things you've just said and what Mia said to me last night.' I say in way of explanation. I'm hurting and I want to leave. 'Shall I go?' I ask. Christian continues to stare at me.

'Are you still going to Portland today?' I ask.

''Yes, Taylor is picking me up in an hour.' Christian replies.

'Do you still want me to come with you?' I ask.

'I don't know.' He says quietly, looking at me to see my reaction.

'Ok, I'll be in my office, let me know what you decide, I'll respect your decision either way.' I say and then walk out of his office, straight past Andrea and into the elevator.


	43. Chapter 43-Alone

Back on the nineteenth floor Hannah is sat on one of the sofas, I go into the room closing the door behind me. I don't let her see how upset I am from Christian's rant at me. I hug her close, breathing in her scent and then kiss her passionately.

'Do you still have a job?' Hannah asks as we pull apart.

'I think so; we're supposed to be leaving for Portland in an hour.' I say.

''Ok, I'll leave you to it; I'll head to the shops and will see you Sunday.' She says as I kiss her once more, I pull her onto my knee and she moves so that her legs are astride me. She kisses me deeply, my hand moves inside her top to her breast, she moans so I move the other hand inside her panties. She is so moist, my fingers circle inside her as my thumb teases her clitoris. I feel her quicken and she comes quickly. I hug her tightly until her breathing returns to normal. I am hard and desperate for my own release but we are out of condoms. Hannah must realise what I want because she effortlessly moves so that she is kneeling between my legs and takes me in her mouth. I feel myself building quickly and come in her mouth.

'Hmmm, Hannah Sullivan you can visit my office anytime.' I say 'I'll pick up some condoms this weekend ready for Sunday.'

'Can't wait' she replies 'I'd better get going, I'll call you sometime.'

'OK have a good weekend with your dad.' I say as we head out of the office together. I quickly kiss Hannah's cheek and as I do so I catch sight of Christian sitting in the chair at my desk. Oh shit, he'll be even angrier now. 'Laters baby.' I say as I call the elevator for her and she enters.

'Bye Matt, see you Sunday' she says as the door closes and she disappears.

I turn and walk slowly towards the desk, sitting in the chair opposite Christian. We stare at each other, neither one of us wanting to make the first move. Christian gives in first and I feel proud of myself that I have won the first battle.

'Tension relieved?' he asks.

'None of your fucking business.' I reply

'Except I'm paying you to work right now.'

'How long have you been sat there?' I ask as a delaying tactic.

'Not long, you were talking.'

I almost sag with relief. 'Are you angry?'

'What about? Having a quick fuck in works time?' He says and I look at him warily. 'No I'm not angry about that; I would have done the same had the opportunity been there.' He smirks at me. I can't smile back; I'm still hurting from before. 'What did Mia say to you last night?'

'It doesn't matter now.' I say quietly regarding him with a slight fear in my eyes.

'Jeez Matt, of course it matters. It was something bad enough to make you worry so much that you were playing sad tunes on the piano until 3am this morning, mom had to make you go to bed, you must have only had a couple of hours sleep because you look exhausted again. Then I got angry with you and you looked so shocked and hurt and you think we all hate you. Why is that?' he asks cocking his head to one side.

'Are you still angry with me?' I whisper.

'Only because you won't answer my questions. I'm sorry about this morning, I'm frustrated with something at the moment and I took it out on you.'

'So that makes it OK because you're frustrated. Christian two weeks ago you hurt me so much that I didn't see myself ever working for you again, I trusted you when I came back and I was just starting to relax once more and then you explode with anger again and I'm back to the hurting stage. I won't tell you what Mia said just like I won't tell anyone what you said to me this morning, it hurts too much that you of all people can say something like that after everything I've been through. Am I supposed to just take it every time you feel like having a go at me because I'm not sure I can cope anymore? I didn't realise there was a meeting this morning otherwise I would have been there, I thought you knew me better than that.' I stare at him, I'm shaking slightly after saying all that to him but I need to let him know how I feel.

'Do you hate me?' he asks.

'No, you know how much I love you and that I would do anything for you. I'm not sure of your feelings for me though after today, I think Mia hates me as well. Perhaps it would be best if I didn't work here and went away for a few days.'

'No, please don't go. You know how much I like having you work here.'

'You have a funny way of showing it. Christian if there's something going on elsewhere in your life whether it's with Ana or something to do with work you can't keep taking it out on me otherwise I will run.'

'I've asked Ana to marry me' he says quietly, whoa I'm totally shocked. 'I haven't told anyone else.'

'And what did she say?'

'That's why I'm frustrated, she hasn't answered me yet, said she needs more time.'

'Well it has happened so quickly.'

'I know, but I know there will be no-one else. You won't tell anyone will you?'

'No, you can trust me.'

'I know.' He says with a grin. 'I really am sorry for earlier, I shouldn't have taken it out on you and I shouldn't have said what I did.'

'You only said what you were thinking, it hurts though.'

'This will hurt as well; I'm not taking you to Portland today.' He says and I look at him quizzically so he continues. 'The meeting is only to sort out a funding issue, it's not important for you to attend. I'd rather you were in a healthy state so that you can enjoy a few beers with me and Elliot tonight. I want you to either go home or go to Escala and sleep for a few hours.'

'But I wanted to go in Charlie Tango.'

'No arguments, I'll take you up in her next week sometime. I'd better go; Taylor has been waiting for fifteen minutes. Don't work too hard and go and get some rest, I'll meet you at Escala later, Elliot should be there for 6pm. Will you be OK?'

'I think so, the hurt will pass. I'll see you later, have a safe flight.' I say. He descends in the elevator and I am alone.


	44. Chapter 44-Missing

As I sit at my desk lost in thought I am still no clearer as to whether Christian actually likes me or not. He is good at hiding his feelings, yes he likes me working for him but what does he actually feel for me as a person. Why am I feeling totally insecure at the moment? Is it because of Christian's angry words earlier, Mia's taunts last night or the thought of not seeing Hannah for two days? I throw myself into my work and lose all sense of thought, at least then I can forget.

After a couple of hours exhaustion hits. I go to Christian's floor to let Andrea know that I am leaving for the day and then I make my way to Escala; it is closer to the office and also means I can sleep for longer.

It doesn't look like Taylor or Mrs Jones are around so I go straight to the fridge, it is always so well stocked. I find what I am looking for and as I am about to take it out of the fridge I hear Mrs Jones.

'Anything but the lasagne, that's dinner for you and your brothers later.'

'But Mrs Jones, you know I can't resist it and they don't appreciate it as much as I do. I will do anything for your lasagne it's the best in the world'

'Don't try and flatter me it won't work. Sub or omelette for lunch?'

'Sub please. Though I will make it if you're busy, you weren't expecting me.'

'I'll make it. I've missed looking after you and I don't make as much mess.'

'You wound me Mrs Jones. Where's Taylor?'

'He was supposed to go with Mr Grey but Sophie was taken ill so he is with her. What are you planning to do this afternoon?'

'Sleep. Christian wouldn't let me go to Portland. He said I looked too exhausted so I had better do what he says. At least when I wake I'll be ready for beers, pool and your lovely lasagne.'

'Oh you are so charming. Your room is ready for you as Mr Grey said you might be staying the night. Here's your sub, enjoy.'

'Thanks Mrs J, you are a star.'

'Do you ever stop?'

'Not where you're concerned.'

'It's a good job Taylor isn't here.' She says as she leaves to get on with her chores.

I sit at the breakfast bar eating my lunch. Once I'm finished I go to Christian's study and check out a few things on his computer. An idea comes to mind. I call Christian but his voicemail kicks in so I leave a message 'Hi Christian, I'm at Escala, Mrs Jones made me lunch and I'm about to go to sleep so that I'm ready to thrash you at pool. See you soon.' I say then click off. Wow I've managed to trace him just like Barney showed me. He must be in a car travelling as he's heading away from WSU. Maybe he's on his way back to Charlie Tango which means he'll be back in a couple of hours. Feeling happy I go to what I consider to be my room and as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm asleep.

When I wake it's just before 6pm, I feel so much better after a good sleep. I check my phone, there's a voicemail from Christian. 'Hey little bro, I was driving so missed your call. I'll be home in about an hour, we're just leaving and I plan to land on Escala. By the way I didn't tell you earlier but I love you, don't ever doubt it.' Oh, he does love me. I grin to myself. I jump out of bed and pull on some jeans and a t-shirt. He must be back now and he will have left me to sleep.

I wander into the great room; it is empty so I go to Christian's study. He's not there either. On my way out I bump into Taylor.

'Hi Taylor, how's Sophie?'

'She's getting better thank you.'

'Have you seen Christian?'

'No, Mr Grey is not back from Portland yet.'

'Are you sure? He left me a voicemail; he should have been back at least two hours ago.'

Taylor goes straight to his office and I follow him, he makes a few phone calls. I hear him mention Barney, Welch, Andrea and then a few names I don't recognise. He then turns and gestures for me to sit down.

'Matthew, what time did Mr Grey leave the voicemail?'

'About three I think, I'd been in his study and called him because I wanted to trace him. He had left WSU and was driving north, I presume back to Charlie Tango. He called me back but I was asleep.'

'You know how to do that?'

'Yes, Barney showed me how to.' I say.

Taylor's phone rings and he answers it, it's Barney again, he can't get any trace from Christian's phone meaning it must be out of charge or there's no coverage where he is. Taylor tells him the information that I just gave him and then clicks off. The phone rings again immediately, it's someone from the airport authority; a search is underway for the helicopter as it has failed to turn up or make radio contact. I sit in the chair opposite Taylor and put my head in my hands.

'Matthew, would it be easier for you if you waited in the living room.'

'No, I want to know. I should have been with him.'

'So should I. I'm going to call your father.' He says and I just nod at him. The call is brief, dad is going to bring mom and Mia here and he'll call Elliot. Taylor stands and goes to leave the room. 'I'll be a few minutes; I'm just going to tell Mrs Jones. Can you answer the phone if it rings?'

'Sure.' I say almost in a daze. I sit staring into space, not really knowing what to think. I can't believe that Christian is missing. Taylor returns, he makes some more phone calls. Still I sit there, not really listening but not thinking either.

'Matthew, have you called Hannah?' Taylor asks. I shake my head. 'You need to call her, it will be on all the news feeds soon and it is best that she hears from you.'

'Ok, I'll call her now otherwise she will be worried. She doesn't know that Christian refused to let me go, she'll think that I am with him.'

'I'll try and get them to hold the press release for another ten minutes to give you time to call.'

'Thanks Taylor.' I say as I go back to my room for my phone. I sit on the edge of the bed and press Hannah's name for the speed dial.

'Hi Matt.' She answers straight away.

'Hi baby'

'Matt are you OK?'

'Yes I'm fine. I'm at Christian's but I needed to call to tell you I'm OK. I didn't go to Portland with him today. His helicopter has gone missing and it will be all over every news channel very soon. I didn't want you to worry about me.'

'Thank you for telling me. I would have been frantic. Matt you must be hurting.'

'I don't know what I'm feeling. Mom and dad will be here soon.'

'Do you want me to come to you?'

'No stay with your dad for now. I'll call you if there's any news. I love you baby.'

'I love you too. Please call me if you need me.' She says and I click off.

I wander back into the great room and towards the kitchen. Mrs Jones turns to look at me and then pulls me into her arms and envelopes me in a hug. My parents must have arrived because the next thing I know is Mrs Jones has let go and mom has taken over. She kisses my forehead over and over again.

'Darling boy are you OK?' she asks.

'I should be with him mom. He was angry with me.' I whisper.

'Hey, shhh. Let's not worry about that now. Dad is in Christian's study with Taylor trying to find out more information. Elliot should be here any minute. Let's go and sit with Mia.' She says as she guides me to the white sofas. Mia looks dreadful; she must have spent the whole car journey from Bellevue crying. I give her a quick hug but that sets her off crying again. I look at mom helplessly and she takes over.

I move towards Christian's study. Dad is stood staring out of the window, whilst Taylor is on the phone and looking at something on the computer. I go and stand next to dad and he puts an arm round my shoulder and pulls me close.

'Dad I'm worried and scared.'

'Don't be. Christian will find a way back. It's just a waiting game now. At least you weren't with him. Your mom is worried enough with Christian missing, if there had been two of you out there I dread to think what she would have been like.' He says and kisses the top of my head.

Taylor interrupts us 'Elliot has arrived.' He says but there's really no need as I hear him before I see him. He's in the living room saying 'Hello' to mom and Mia. Then he's in the study, he nods at Taylor. Hugs dad and then hugs me.

'Hey little bro. Great to see you after so long.'

'You too, I see you did have time to get a tan.'

'Cheeky.' He says and then turns to Dad and Taylor to tell them he has called Ana and she is on her way back here.

As Elliot and I move out of the study Ana is just arriving. She looks so pale and in shock. She is with Kate and two other men. Elliot goes to hug Kate. I go to Ana; I pull her into my arms, kissing her head. She leans into me and I don't let go until I feel her relax slightly. I guide her to the sofas, sitting her down opposite mom and Mia. She feels cold so I switch the fire on and then go to grab a blanket from my room.

As I drape the blanket round her shoulders she smiles shyly at me and whispers a 'thank you'

'Did you eat?' I ask her and she looks at me in surprise. I bet Christian asks her that all the time. I cock my head to one side as if waiting for an answer.

'No.' she says and then adds 'You're so like him.' I smirk at her and then go to the fridge. Mrs Jones is in the kitchen still.

'Are you hungry Matthew?' she asks.

'No, but Ana hasn't eaten. Christian will be mad with her, what can I give her?'

'She won't eat much, just a small bowl with a few grapes and strawberries. As long as she has something.'

'Thanks Mrs J.' I say, grabbing a few of each and putting them in a bowl which I then take to Ana. Sitting back down next to her I hand her the bowl. 'You need to eat these, I've not given you a lot but when Christian gets back if you haven't eaten he will be mad.' I say to her quietly.

'How do you know?'

'Trust me; I'm an expert in making Christian mad. It usually happens at least once a day. In fact he was even mad with me this morning, that's why I'm looking after you now instead of being lost with him.' I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. 'Please eat; I'll play the piano for you whilst you do. I don't want him to be mad.'

I go to the piano and start to play. I look at Ana, she nods at me as she recognises the tune and then she eats. When I finish this tune I look at Ana shyly, she smiles at me. I start another, again she nods in recognition. The pattern continues, though at tune six she shakes her head. He hasn't played this one, which means she has only heard him play when he's been angry or upset with something. I put my head to one side in a question and she smiles so I continue with it. When I finish this one I close the lid and get up to move.

'At last, I thought you were going to play those sad tunes all night.' Elliot says. 'This is Jose, Ana's friend, and this is Ethan, Kate's brother.' Elliot introduces. I shake their hands and nod politely before going to the kitchen.

'Matthew, are you hungry? No-one else wants anything but it's a while since you had lunch.' Mrs Jones asks.

'I am really hungry, is it not a bit rude though to eat when no-one else is.' I say.

'No, I'll make you something. I'm going to get Ana some tea, she looks so cold.'

'Thank you.' I say and make my way back over to Ana. I take her hands in mine, they are frozen. I don't even know if she's aware that I am holding them as she continues to stare at the fire. She has at least eaten a few of the grapes. Mrs Jones brings the tea over and as Ana takes it the cup rattles in the saucer, I take it from her, placing it on the coffee table.

'Do you want your food here?' Mrs Jones asks.

'Yes please, two forks.' I say. Mrs Jones raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. She then brings over a large bowl with lasagne and the two forks as requested. I start to eat and place one fork on the side.

Mom and Mia look at me before Mia says with a catch in her voice. 'You wouldn't be doing that if Christian was here' I just shrug my shoulders.

'Ana, this is my absolute favourite that Mrs Jones cooks for me. It's too good to share it all with you but I want you to try a mouthful. Will you do that for me?' I ask gently. She nods and taking the other fork I put a small amount on and then feed her. I continue to eat whilst she slowly finishes her mouthful. Each time she finishes I feed her again, I don't think she realises what she's doing but I'm just happy that she's eating. 'It's all gone now, would you like me to get you some more.' I whisper. She shakes her head. I pick up the teacup and place it in her hands. 'Drink this now.' I say and I'm rewarded with a small smile. She has no words but I understand that, it's easier not to talk sometimes.

Mom stares at me open mouthed before coming to her senses. She gets up and moves to where Elliot is. He drapes an arm around her shoulder. I get up to take my dish to the kitchen and Jose comes to sit next to Ana. I'm not so sure about him and want to tell him to go away. Ana belongs to Christian and she doesn't need other men around her. Mia moves to Ana's other side and takes her hand. I wander round the room, a bit lost as to what I should do. All these people here, yet I still feel so alone.

I move back towards the sofas. All of a sudden mom shrieks 'Christian' and she is running across the room. He's stood in the entrance to the great room. He looks totally bewildered to see everyone.

'Mom' he says as she throws her arms around him and kisses him hard on the cheek. Mom actually starts crying and Christian envelopes her in a hug, holding her close. He rocks her to and fro. Dad shouts 'He's alive' from the hallway, followed by 'Shit-you're here' and embraces both mom and Christian. Mia then makes a move and she is included in the hug with them all.

I move towards Ana, the tears have started to stream down her face. I wipe some away with my thumb, pulling her close and kissing her head 'Shh, don't cry, he's here.'

I hear Christian ask 'What's with the welcoming committee?' as he looks over. He looks up and his eyes scan the room until his eyes lock with Ana's. He blinks and glances briefly at Jose and then at me and his mouth tightens. Oh no, is he angry with me or is it with Jose, does he not like him either. Mom talks to Christian some more, before Elliot goes over and hugs him and then slaps him on the back before telling him it's great to see him.

I wipe Ana's tears again. Christian looks at mom and dad before saying 'I'm going to see my girl now.' They nod, smile and move aside. Christian moves towards us. Ana staggers to her feet and runs into Christian's open arms. He kisses her and they whisper to each other. She is then touching him, chest, arms, waist and he lets her. Jose shakes his hand and mutters something. I don't hear as I'm not listening, I'm lost in my own world. The rest of the family closes in; he pecks Kate on the cheek and shakes Ethan's hand. They all sit down and I move to the edge of the sofa, hugging my knees, and resting my chin on top. Mom strokes my hair before sitting. I just stare at them all. I can't speak.

Everyone is talking, asking questions. Christian is patiently answering them. He pulls Ana onto his knee, still whispering away to her. I feel so alone in my little world, all my family are here and yet I don't feel part of it. I held it together whilst he wasn't here and I'm trying so hard not to cry, especially in front of everyone. I stare at a spot in the distance, keeping myself totally detached. I didn't even hug him like everyone else, that would have set me off.

I hear Elliot saying rather suggestively that Christian needs his beauty sleep.

Mom looks adoringly at dad and says 'Cary, my son is safe. You can take me home now.' She stands and Christian moves Ana onto the sofa so that he can stand and hug mom once more. Everyone starts making a move towards the elevator. I follow automatically. Christian finally speaks to me.

'Hey little bro, you're very quiet. Are you ok?' he whispers in my ear. I look up at him and slowly shake my head.

'Do you want to stay?' Another shake.

'Are you going home in dad's car?' I nod.

'OK, I'll get your car dropped off tomorrow and I will call you.' He says looking concerned. I nod and hug him briefly and follow mom into the elevator. As the elevator descends they all chatter noisily and don't notice that I have no words.

'


	45. Chapter 45-Talk

As dad drives through the darkness I plug myself into my iPod so that I can once again escape into my own world. I do text Hannah though to let her know that everything is OK, that Christian is safe and that I will call her in the morning. Although technically it is the morning now but she'll be sleeping.

We arrive home and I head straight upstairs, I see mom give dad a concerned look as they follow Mia to the kitchen. In my room I stand staring out of the window across the bay at the lights in the city. I'm not sure how long I've been standing here but I feel mom's arms wrap tightly around me. I didn't hear her come in but now I turn to face her and I hug her back.

'Are you hurting?' she asks gently. I look at her with wide eyes and nod.

'Oh darling boy, the hurt needs to come out to make you feel better. You need to cry it out or talk it out.' she says as she kisses my forehead. I look at her; the fear must be etched on my face. 'Matt, please talk to me, otherwise you will bottle it up and it will get worse. You will end up in your own world again not talking to anyone.'

'Mom, I was scared.' My voice barely a whisper.

'What were you scared of darling?' she whispers quietly.

'When he came back, I was scared to hug him in case I cried with everyone there.'

'Oh Matt, no-one would have minded.' She smiles at me. 'Is that why you went quiet?'

'Yes. He might think I don't love him, everyone was making such a fuss and I couldn't go near him.'

'Christian will understand. I was very proud of you tonight.'

'You were, I didn't do anything.'

'You did, no-one knew how to deal with Ana and you just took over. You were so gentle with her, making sure she ate, keeping her warm and playing the piano.'

'She looked more lost than me and he loves her mom, like really loves her. I made her eat so that Christian wouldn't be mad. I didn't want him to be angry. I think he was though, when he got back he saw me wiping away her tears. Do you think he'll shout at me tomorrow?'

'No, it's his birthday.'

'That doesn't normally stop him. He even shouts at me on my birthday.' I say tiredly.

'That's brotherly love for you. He's just protecting you.'

'I know, he just has a funny way of showing it.'

'Feeling better?' mom asks.

'Yes, thanks mom. I do love you.'

'I know. Time for sleep, otherwise you'll be exhausted again tomorrow.' She says as she hugs me once more.

'Night mom.' I reply as I hug her back. Then I sleep.

It is after ten when I wake on Saturday morning, I never sleep this long. I pull on some sweat pants and a t-shirt to go downstairs for breakfast. Dad is in his study, the door is slightly ajar and I can hear him on the phone. I pop my head round the door and nod at him not wanting to interrupt his conversation. He holds up his hand and wraps up the call.

'Morning Matt, how are you this morning.'

'Morning dad, I'm good.' I say as I enter the study. 'You didn't need to finish the call for me.'

'I was finished anyway. Have you any plans for today?'

'No, not really. Just Christian's birthday dinner tonight.'

'Well the women of the house are turning it into a party. Shall we escape and take the boat out for a few hours?' he asks smiling at me.

I grin back at him 'Sure dad, that would be good.'

'Let's go and have breakfast, it should be ready now. We are all up a bit late this morning.'

We leave the study together and make our way to the kitchen. Mom and Mia are busy making pancakes. I go and kiss mom on the cheek and she returns it before hugging me.

'Did you sleep well darling?' Mom asks.

'Very well thanks mom. I don't remember ever sleeping this late before.'

'We're all the same. Can you grab the juice and finish setting the table? Mia has almost finished cooking.'

I do as I'm told; dad is already settled in his chair with the newspaper. Christian has made the front page with yesterday's exploits. Mom and Mia bring the food over and we all tuck in. I see what dad means about them turning tonight's dinner into a party as they talk about the guest list. I'm not sure I want to go and I don't think Christian will be overly happy with the plans. I'm glad that dad suggested that we escape. Once we've finished eating dad says he has a few more calls to make and asks if I will be ready to go in an hour. That suits me as I'd better call Hannah. I go to my room so that I can have some privacy; I don't want Mia listening in to my conversation. Hannah picks up straight away.

'Matt, how are you?'

'I'm good baby, missing you though.'

'Hey, I'm missing you too. I can't wait for tomorrow. Dad is going to drop me back at your house if that's ok. It will be about lunchtime.'

'Sure that's fine. Though I have to warn you the whole family will be over. Christian's dinner tonight has turned into a party courtesy of Mia. Christian and Elliot will be staying over with Ana and Kate. I think mom plans on everyone staying the whole day.'

'That's good; Kate is the only one I haven't met. What's she like?'

'Intimidating Scary Tenacious, shall I continue?'

'Matt, really. She can't be as bad as Christian.'

'Worse cos she a girl'

'Matt!'

'It's true, there's just something about her. At least she keeps Elliot happy and in line which is a first.'

'Do you think we'll get some alone time tomorrow?'

'I'll make sure of it; we can always go for a walk to the summerhouse.'

'Cool. I can't wait to see you. I need a hug.'

'I need more than a hug; just talking to you does things to me.'

'Matthew Grey.'

'It's true. I think I'd better go and shower. I'm going sailing with dad. Enjoy the rest of your day. Looking forward to tomorrow.'

'Me too, love you.'

'I love you too baby.' I say as I blow her a kiss and click the phone off.

I then quickly call Christian but it goes to voicemail so I leave a message 'Happy Birthday Christian. Hope you have a good day. I'm going sailing with dad but will try and speak with you later.' I say, he'll probably be surprised to hear my voice after last night.

I shower then dress in shorts and polo shirt before heading back down to the kitchen. Mom has packed a cool box with food and drinks.

'Is dad ready mom?' I ask

'Almost, he was just having a shower. I hope you have a good time out on the boat. Try and relax, there's no rush to get back as long as you're home by about six to give you time to get ready.'

'Do I need to go mom? I was quite happy with dinner but a party….'

'Will be good' she smiles as she finishes my sentence. 'You might find you enjoy it.'

'We'll see. Has Mia got her friends coming?'

'Yes, just stay out of their way. Here's dad now.' She says as dad wanders in. 'Go and have some fun, both of you.' She smiles and then kisses dad before ruffling my hair.

I pick up the cool box and we walk into the back yard. The sun is just starting to get warm and the sky is a light powder blue. It's a perfect day for sailing as we head to the boathouse.


	46. Chapter 46-Grouchy

We sail out into the middle of the lake and drop the anchor, before settling on the deck in the sun.

'Are you happy to just sit out here for a couple of hours? I did bring the newspapers and a couple of books.'

'This is good dad, it nice to be able to have some peace and quiet.'

'Are you OK after yesterday?'

'Yes. I was fine when Christian wasn't there, it was when he got back and everyone was making a fuss that I didn't like. What about you?'

'I'm fine now, I was worried though as time went on and there was no word. It's strange how there was a fire in both engines, it's not designed for that to happen but I'm sure Christian's team will investigate.' He pauses and then asks 'How's it been working for Christian this week?'

'It's had its ups and downs. I like working for him and I like seeing him every day.'

'But….?'

'There's no 'but' dad, I enjoy what I'm doing at the moment.'

'You're being very discreet.' He says looking at me quizzically, I try not to squirm. I feel like I'm seven years old again. 'Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?'

'Yes' I say but I'm smiling at him. 'Dad, when you question me I feel like I'm a little boy in your study and that I'm going to be in trouble for something again. When Christian questions me I can't help but blurt out things that I probably shouldn't and then he gets angry with me.'

Dad laughs out loudly. 'You are funny. Though I don't think a week went by without you being in some sort of trouble. Did you ever get a full weekly allowance?'

'No, and the others benefited from that because they thought you were a soft touch after you got angry with me. I'm sorry dad, I've not been very good, have I?'

'Hey, what's with the self-doubting? You've been great, your mom and I wouldn't change you. You've kept us all amused over the years.'

'You're too kind dad.' I say cheekily.

'I'm going to read the newspapers, do you want one of them or a book.'

'No, I think I'll just sit for a while and enjoy the view.'

Dad disappears off to the cabin, and I sit in the sun. I must fall asleep because the next thing I know dad is gently shaking me.

'Did you bring your phone?'

'No, why?'

'Christian was trying to get hold of you. Here call him on mine and then come and eat.'

'Thanks dad' I take the phone from him and call Christian as dad disappears back down to the cabin.

'Hi Christian, happy birthday' I say

'Where's your phone?' he demands.

'Oh, it's so good to speak to you too. It's in my room, are you angry with me?' I ask.

'Yes, no. I don't know. You're so difficult to get hold of, it frustrates me. I wanted to check you were OK after last night.'

'I'm fine, I'm sure you could have asked mom or dad that.'

'You're grouchy, and I did ask them but I wanted to hear you tell me.'

'I'm tired, dad just woke me up'

'Did you sleep last night?'

'Yes, straight through'

'Are you ill?' he asks. 'You never normally sleep as much as this.'

'I've got a sore throat and I'm tired but otherwise I'm fine. Have you finished with the questions?'

'Yes'

'Good, I have some for you. Are you OK after yesterday?'

'Yes'

'Oh Mr Talkative, how's Ana?'

'She's good. Thank you for looking after her yesterday. I was a bit jealous when I saw you wiping away her tears.'

'Really, I thought you were angry with me.'

'I was.'

'I'm sorry.' I whisper 'I didn't mean to make you angry. She was so lost without you. I just tried to keep her warm and make her eat so that you wouldn't be mad.'

'Hey, don't get upset. I'm not mad with you anymore. Ana told me how you took care of her and mom told me as well. I'm truly grateful for what you did yesterday. Matt I need to tell you something now but I don't want you to tell anyone else.'

'Ok.' I say warily.

'Ana said yes. We're going to get married. We're making an announcement at dinner tonight but I wanted you to know beforehand so that it's not a shock later.'

'Oh wow Christian, I'm really happy for you both. Congratulations.'

'Matt, you blow me away.'

'Why, what have I done now?'

'This will mean change and you're usually so opposed to it.'

'I know, but I like Ana and this is good change. I can cope with that. Can I ask you something?'

'Of course, am I going to get cross?'

'Hopefully not. I was supposed to go to the drug store today but I'm out sailing and I haven't got a car….'

'And you need some condoms.' He laughs as he finishes the sentence. 'I'll bring some for you later, and your car is being dropped off now.'

'Thanks Christian, you're the best brother ever.'

'Stop being cheeky, go and eat, look after yourself and get mom to check out your throat when you get home. I'll see you later.' And he clicks off. I smile to myself. He's not angry with me and he's getting married, this is turning out to be a great day. I go to find dad and we sit and eat a late lunch.

'Are you ready to head home? It will be nearly four by the time we get there.'

'Yes dad, I'm not feeling too great, my throat is so sore.'

'Ok, we'll be back in twenty minutes, let's get going.'

Dad raises the anchor and I start the engine and set course for home. The journey goes quite quickly and we're soon pulling into the boathouse. I help dad carry all the gear back up to the house and then head for a shower. It doesn't make me feel any better so I climb under the duvet and once again I am asleep.

When I wake I'm slightly disorientated before I realise that I'm in my own room. Mom has just walked in.

'Hi darling boy, how are you feeling now. Dad said you weren't too good on the boat.'

'I'm feeling much better mom.' I croak.

'You don't sound like it. Are you trying to get out of the party?' she asks smiling at me. 'Here, drink this and take these pills and then I'll check you over, have you got any other symptoms?'

'Mom, I'm fine, I just have a bit of a sore throat, stop fussing.'

'Christian was right you are grouchy. You have about thirty minutes to get ready before guests start arriving. If you feel any worse as the evening goes on come and find me and I will check you out. I don't want you getting ill.' She says looking concerned.

'Mom, I'll be ok. I'll be down before the first guest arrives.' I say smiling at her to try and reassure her that I'm ok. To be honest I could just lie back down and sleep but I'd better get dressed.


	47. Chapter 47-Distraught

I shower and dress quickly in jeans, t-shirt and converse. I'm sure everyone else will have dressed up but I'm so tired and really can't be bothered. Mom gave me thirty minutes but I'm downstairs in fifteen.

'Matt you need to go and get changed the guests will be here soon.' Mia says.

'I just got dressed.' I croak, my throat still hurts. We wander into the kitchen together.

'Everyone will be smartly dressed.'

'Elliot won't, he'll be the same as me and you won't tell him off.'

'But Matt don't you want to make a good impression, there will be lots of girls here tonight.'

'No, the only girl that matters to me won't be here.'

'Ooh first girlfriend and you're sooo in love' she teases. I put my head down and look awkwardly at the floor.

'Mia that's enough, leave your poor brother alone.' Mom says before coming over to me 'How are you feeling darling boy?'

'Fine'

'You don't sound it or look it; please can I check you over?'

'No mom, I'll be OK and people will be arriving any minute.'

'Promise me you'll let me know if you feel any worse. I'm worried about you.'

'I promise. I've just got a sore throat. What's all the fuss I've had one before.'

'But you're not usually this bad tempered with it.' Mom adds. She's right, I'm not normally this bad tempered but I'm trying to hide how bad I feel. The symptoms will pass and I don't want to spoil Christian and Ana's night.

The first of the guests are starting to arrive. Everyone has been told to arrive about seven and Christian and Ana thirty minutes later so that they can be surprised. Everyone is assembling in the living room. I grab a bottle of beer and sit in the corner out of the way, swigging straight from the bottle.

'How terribly civilised of you little bro, dad lays on the champagne and you're sat swigging beer straight from the bottle.' Elliot says grinning at me.

'Fuck off Elliot' I croak.

'Matt, don't let mom hear you swearing. What's got into you? You're in a foul mood.'

'Nothing. Mom has been fussing over me wanting to check me over.'

'And that's a bad thing?'

'Yes, I'm eighteen and she's still fussing.'

'She always will, especially if you're ill. So why not just let her check you out, all she ever does is listen to your heart and chest and then feels your back asking if anything hurts. What's so bad about that?' he says as he looks at me, I try and look away embarrassed but he holds my chin 'You're hiding something, have you got love bites?'

'Shhh, keep your voice down, she's probably listening or Mia will be and then will tell her. Yes I've got some love bites, ok, happy.'

'So you won't let mom check you out cos you're embarrassed.' He says, I nod. 'Jeez Matt, just how bad are you feeling?'

'Really bad, my throat hurts so much like it's never hurt before and I'm so tired. My head aches, my eyes hurt and I'm too hot. Don't tell her though; I don't want to spoil the party. When everyone has had a few drinks I'll just go back to bed. I won't be missed.'

'Ok, but don't drink anymore when you've finished that beer. That won't make you feel any better.'

'I know, but it will numb the pain. Where's Kate?'

'She was waiting to see Ana about something, they should have arrived by now.'

The room is full of people, dad has just come in to say that Christian and Ana have arrived and he is shortly followed by first Kate who makes her way over to Elliot and then mom who goes to dad. She quickly looks at me though and I can see the concern on her face, I smile at her to try and reassure her.

Christian and Ana enter the room and everyone starts clapping and cheering. Ana looks slightly shocked to see so many people as she quickly scans the room. I find myself stood next to Mrs Lincoln, as Ana sees her, her face falls, she obviously doesn't like her for some reason. Gretchen appears with a tray of champagne, she flutters her eyelashes at Christian and he gives her a brief smile. Everyone surges forward to make a fuss again, though I hold back.

Mrs Lincoln leads the way, commandeering Christian and asking why he hadn't called. Ana narrows her eyes and mom is frowning at the three of them. Christian says he wants to make an announcement so everyone steps back. Mrs Lincoln is next to me again. She looks like a black widow spider with some poisonous venom. She turns and gives me a strange look. 'Did you say something?' she hisses at me. I shake my head, shit, maybe I did voice my thoughts.

Christian starts his speech, telling everyone how he was expecting a quiet family dinner. Well so was I. I never wanted to be at a party. Bloody Mia and her meddling. When Christian finally announces that he and Ana are getting married everyone applauds and cheers. Well apart from Lily who looks heartbroken, Gretchen who looks likes she swallowed something horrible and Mrs Lincoln who looks so shocked. I can't help smiling.

Mom leads the way to congratulate them both and she gives Ana a hug welcoming her to the family. Mia is making a fuss and is demanding to see the ring before hugging Christian and telling him how thrilled she is. Elliot hugs Christian and I go to Ana.

I hug her and kiss her shyly on the cheek. 'Congratulations Ana, I'm so happy for you both.'

'Thank you Matt, and thank you for last night. I don't think I could have coped without you.'

'It was no problem. Anytime you need me you only have to call. I know how overbearing and overprotective the control freak that is my brother can be.'

'Matt.' She says almost shocked.

'Only joking, but I will be there if you need me.' I say and give her another hug and kiss.

'Hey little bro, that's enough touching my future wife.' Christian jokes.

'Congratulations again' I croak and give him a hug.

'Jeez Matt, you sound dreadful. Did mom check you out?' Christian demands.

Elliot answers for me. 'No she didn't because he stropped and wouldn't let her because he's covered in love bites.'

'Elliot, keep your voice down. The whole room will know.' I hiss at him.

'Matt, is that true?' Christian asks. I nod. 'Are you very ill?' again I nod and he sucks in his breath.

'Please don't be angry, not tonight and not because of me. I'll let mom check me out when everyone's eating.'

'Ok, but I'll check.' He says before giving me another brief hug.

'I'm going to get some air; it's too hot in here.' I say and I make my way out to the back yard grabbing another bottle of beer on the way through the kitchen. There's a cool breeze blowing off the bay and I feel better instantly. I'm about to sit on the table that's on the deck when I sense that I am not alone.

'So you think I'm a black widow spider' Mrs Lincoln says as she appears out of the darkness. Shit I did voice my thoughts and she heard. 'Well, have you got anything to say for yourself.' I stare at her not sure what she expects me to say. Then she slaps me hard across the face. I hold my cheek, it stings.

'Fuck, what did you do that for?' I ask rather rudely. I don't care that she's supposed to be mom's friend.

'You needed teaching a lesson.' She replies and then slaps the other cheek. Shit, what have I done to deserve this? 'You think you're so smart baby Grey, always overprotected by everyone but let me tell you they almost gave you away. Didn't think they could bear having you as a constant reminder in the house.' My hearts sinks, and she makes a move towards me, her lips are on mine, she's trying to force me to kiss her pushing her tongue into my mouth but I push her away. 'You're not like your brother; he loved it when I was near him.'

The look I give her must be pure hatred, she turns and heads back into the house and I run down towards the jetty. I sit, staring into the blackness, hugging my knees with a thousand thoughts swirling round my head. I must sit here for hours. Eventually when I feel the cold I head back up towards the house. All the guests have left. Dad, Elliot and Ethan are in the kitchen talking baseball whilst drinking and eating. Christian passes through holding Ana's hand; they look slightly drunk as they head out into the back yard. I'm not aware of anyone noticing me or talking to me. Passing through the hallway I hear mom, Mia and Kate singing karaoke into the games console. They all sound very drunk. I go to the living room; I haven't got the energy to climb the stairs. I lie on my front on the sofa, and quietly cry myself to sleep.

When I wake it's still dark, someone has covered me in a duvet. I try and lift my head but it aches. Out of the corner of my eye I see Christian sitting watching me, a glass of hard liquor in his hand.

'You never saw mom to get checked out.' he hisses and I can tell he's angry. I close my eyes trying to block him out. I don't want to talk or see anyone. 'I'm not going anywhere so you might as well open your eyes again.' I open one and look at him. 'Where did you go earlier, we looked for you but couldn't find you?'

'Jetty' my voice is barely a whisper. I sit up and wrap the duvet round me.

'Why didn't you see mom like I asked?'

'By the time I came inside everyone was drunk.'

'You've been crying, what's upset you?' he asks. I freeze and look at him warily.

'Nothing' I reply sullenly.

'For fucks sake Matt tell me, you know that eventually I'll get it out of you anyway so you might as well tell me straight away.' He roars.

'Please don't be cross with me.' I plead.

'Tell me then.'

'No, I can't, it's really bad.'

'If it's that bad I'm surprised you're talking.' He says, his eyes narrowing. I gulp, he's right. Normally after something like this I would have gone into my silent world. I look at him through wide eyes. He continues 'It's too late now to have no words, you've already spoken to me.'

'Did you have an affair with Mrs Lincoln?' I whisper. He pales and looks shocked.

'Who told you?'

'She did, well she said something to me and I wasn't sure whether if it was about you or Elliot.'

'Fuck. What did she say?' he asks, he's calmer now, trying to get answers out of me. I shake my head not sure if I can tell him. There are tears running down my cheeks. 'Matt, did she do anything to you?' he asks gently. I look at him and nod. 'Please, you have to tell me. I can only help you if you tell me.'

'You will be angry'

'No, not with you. Please Matt'

'When I went outside to get some air earlier she appeared. She slapped me on the cheek really hard. It hurt. She then slapped the other cheek. She tried to kiss me but I pushed her away and that was when she said that I wasn't like my brother because he loved it when she was near him.'

'Anything else?' he whispers. How does he know?

'She called me the baby Grey that was so over protected and that mom and dad almost gave me away because they didn't want me here as a constant reminder.' I manage to get the words out and then break down sobbing my heart out. I hurt so much and it's not from being ill.


	48. Chapter 48-Special

I am vaguely aware that mom and Christian are talking as they enter the living room. Christian must have gone straight to get her.

'Mom, he's in a really bad way. Elena said some awful things to him and you know how insecure he is at the best of times.'

'She must have spoken to him before she saw you and Ana.'

'I think so, he knows about the affair. Mom she said that you were going to give him away because you didn't want him here as a constant reminder.'

'But that's not true; there was never any question about him going elsewhere. We already considered him family before the accident'

'I know mom, but he's hurting from what she said.'

'Oh god, what has she done.'

They come over to me now. I look at them both, wide eyed. I don't want them near me.

'Darling boy.' Mom starts to say and comes to hug me. I pull away.

'No mom.' I say. She looks at Christian; I can see I've hurt her.

'Matt' Christian says 'What Elena told you about mom and dad giving you away isn't true. We've talked about this before, without you here this family would have gone to pieces with all the grief. You helped us all by being here. We all love you so much.'

'I'm hurting.' I whisper

'We all are darling.' Mom says gently 'Elena was out to turn this family upside down tonight, I don't know why. Maybe even after all these years she's still jealous about the friendship I had with your mommy, at school she was always trying to split us up.'

'You went to school together?' Christian says totally shocked

'Yes, I thought you knew.' Mom says. 'Matt, please let me hug you.'

I look at her and slowly nod my head. As she hugs me tightly I just sit there not able to hug her back. I hear Christian say 'Oh, thank god for that.'

Mom pulls away slightly and looks at me. 'Darling, you're cold. Tell me what is wrong with you?'

'My throat still hurts like nothing I've felt before. My head aches, my eyes hurts. Sometimes I'm too hot and then too cold and I'm so tired that I want to go back to sleep now.'

'I'll go and get my bag, you need checking out.' mom says.

As she leaves the room Christian smirks at me. I glare at him before saying 'Don't laugh it's not funny and you can go out while she looks at me.'

'Oh no I'm staying, this will be the best entertainment I've had for a while and Elliot will think it's hilarious.'

'You must lead a pretty boring life then.' I mutter. He's still laughing at me when mom walks back in.

'Take your t-shirt off and I'll listen to your heart and chest.' Mom says. I look at Christian; he's still smirking at me. I slowly peel my top off. I know there are three marks on my shoulders, one just above my right hip and one by my left nipple, there could be a couple more that I've forgotten about. Christian raises his eyebrows at me and then touches his shirt by his nipple.

I mouth the words 'Fuck off' silently at him.

'Matthew Grey' mom shouts, making me jump 'I saw that, no swearing. I expected better from you.'

'Sorry mom.'

'Are all these marks what I think they are?' she asks.

'Yes mom' I reply glancing at Christian who shakes his head at me.

'Is that why you wouldn't let me look at you earlier?'

'Yes mom' I reply again.

'Open wide; I need to look in your mouth.' I do as I'm told so that she can look. 'You are one sick boy, that throat is very sore.'

'Yes mom' I say smiling at her.

'Don't try the cute smile look. It won't work; you should have let me look at you earlier. Turn around.' Again I do as I'm told and she touches the left hand side of my back just below my shoulder blade.

'Arghh mom, that hurts.'

'I thought it might.'

'Do you know what's wrong with me?'

'Yes. Darling boy you've got glandular fever.' Mom says.

'The kissing disease' Christian says smiling at me. 'You won't be able to swap spit with Hannah for a few weeks.'

'Christian please' Mom says. 'Matt when did you last kiss Hannah?'

'Yesterday morning.'

'Ok, I'll check her out tomorrow just to make sure but Christian is right you won't be able to kiss her for a while.' Mom says gently ruffling my hair; I flinch not wanting any affection from anyone. Mom notices but doesn't make an issue of it, she just looks at Christian worriedly. 'Right you need to go to bed, Christian can you help him upstairs. I'll bring a drink and some painkillers.'

Christian follows me carrying the duvet and then makes the bed whilst I use the bathroom and change into some pyjama bottoms. As I climb under the duvet he sits on the side of the bed.

'Matt, mom's pretty pissed with me tonight because she found out about me and Elena. She was hurting enough from that but what Elena did to you as well has really shocked her. I know you're hurting but so is mom. You've always been the most affectionate out of me, Elliot and Mia and even I noticed that you didn't hug her back earlier and you flinched when she touched you. Please Matt, forget what Elena said to you and don't turn away from mom. She loves you so much, always has done and always will.'

'I'll try' I whisper.

Mom enters the room. She hands me a drink and two pills. 'Here take these; they'll help to relieve the symptoms.'

'Thanks mom.' I say and do as I'm told. 'Can I sleep now?'

'Yes darling you can sleep, if you wake feeling any worse come and wake me.'

'OK' I say closing my eyes as Christian and mom stand there together and he places an arm round her shoulder drawing her into a hug.

'He'll come round mom. She certainly knew how to bring him down to a low point.' Christian says.

'I know darling, he always been so easy with his affection and he didn't want to know me tonight. I feel like I've lost him.'

'Oh mom, he's just hurting and with being so sick he's all over the place. He's been trying to hide all day how ill he is because he was too embarrassed for you to check him out.'

'I'll be having words with Hannah'

'No mom, it's only been a couple of weeks, they're young and in love. I think she might be his one and only.'

'I think you might be right. I knew when I saw you with Ana that she was the one and I can feel the same with these two even though they're so young.'

'I wish I'd been lucky enough to find Ana when I was eighteen.'

'Come on, he's fast asleep now let's leave him and go to bed.'

When I wake the sun is blazing into my room. Someone has opened the blinds and the windows slightly to let in the fresh air. There's a glass of fresh orange juice on the side which is still cold along with two more painkillers. I take them and drink the juice, the cold feels good against the soreness from my throat. I drag on some sweat pants and a t-shirt and picking up the gift box I got for Christian's birthday I make my way downstairs.

Everyone is sat round the table in the kitchen as I stand in the doorway. They don't notice me as they eat and talk.

'Mom was Matt really still asleep?' Mia asks.

'Yes Mia, he's probably going to be sleeping a lot over the next few weeks. He'll wake when he's ready and when he's hungry. Though his throat looked so bad last night that I don't know when he'll eat properly again. He should have let me check him out sooner.' Mom replies.

'Serves him right for getting up to no good with Hannah.' Elliot pipes up.

'Elliot, your brother doesn't need your teasing at the moment.' Mom admonishes him.

'Sorry mom but it's true and if he hadn't got stroppy and embarrassed you could have checked him out earlier in the day. How many love bites did you reckon he had Christian?'

I step into the kitchen before Christian gets a chance to reply. Everyone turns to look at me. There is nowhere for me to sit as Ethan is still here and all the chairs are taken.

'Morning darling boy' mom says and smiles at me. 'I thought you'd still be sleeping, do you want anything to eat.'

'No mom, it doesn't matter, I'm not hungry.' I say looking round awkwardly at everyone. I turn and head back out to the family room.

'Matt.' Mom calls.

'I'll go to him.' I hear dad say. 'You lot carry on and finish eating.'

I sit at the piano and begin to play. I sense that dad has entered the room and as I look up he is stood leaning on the piano watching me. He waits until I finish the sad tune.

'If you don't want to eat come and sit with us and have some juice.' Dad says.

'Dad, there was nowhere for me to sit.' I say sadly.

'And after everything that happened last night you felt like there was no room for you and we'd excluded you.'

'Yes.' I whisper.

'Matt, don't do this to yourself. You are ill, mom checked on you and you were sleeping so she left you to rest. We didn't do this to hurt you more. Come back with me and we'll get another chair. Is that the gift for Christian?'

'Yes, do you think he'll like it?'

'He'll love it but he'll be shocked. Are you sure that's what you want to give him?' dad asks and I nod. I stand and dad puts an arm round my shoulder as we walk back into the kitchen together. Christian grabs another chair and places it next to mom. I sit next to her; Christian is on my other side.

'Here' I say handing him the box. 'This is for your birthday; sorry I forgot to give it to you yesterday'

'Thanks little bro' he says, shaking the box gently. He opens the lid and takes out the gift card. He reads it and smiles looking slightly puzzled.

'To Christian. Happy Birthday. This meant a lot to someone special, hope it means a lot to you to. Love always Matt x

He takes out a small toy car. Everyone is now looking puzzled apart from dad who knows about this gift. Christian looks at me, he knows as he reaches inside the box for the key.

'Matt' he whispers 'This is too much'

'No, you are that special to me' I whisper back. 'It's still in the garage. I'll take you there later.'

'Thank you. I don't know what else to say. Do you want first drive?' he asks smiling.

'I heard you drove it thirteen years ago so that's hardly a fair question.' I say and he laughs.

'Fair point well made.'

Mom is smiling at the pair of us; everyone wants to know about the car. I take mom's hand in mine and give it a squeeze. She pulls me towards her and hugs me and I hug her back.

'Oh darling boy, I love you.'

'I know mom, I love you too.' I reply as she gently kisses my forehead.


	49. Chapter 49-Giggles

Everyone is still sat around the kitchen table relaxing. The food was finished long ago but I couldn't eat anything, my throat is still too sore. Dad and Christian are reading the newspapers. Mia is sat with her netbook. Elliot is chatting with Ana, Kate and Ethan about bacon and sausages.

'How are you feeling now darling?' Mom asks

'Just tired mom. How long will this last?'

'A few weeks, maybe longer.'

'I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings last night mom. I didn't mean to.'

'I understand darling. You were hurting too. You know there's no truth in what she said to you.'

'Yes mom I know, I think it's cos I wasn't feeling too great so I wasn't thinking straight.'

Mia squeals suddenly. 'There's a gossipy item on the Seattle Nooz website about you being engaged Christian'

'Already' mom says in surprise and she's obviously not happy about it.

Mia reads the column out loud 'Word has reached us here at the Nooz that Seattle's most eligible bachelor, the Christian Grey, has finally been snapped up and wedding bells are in the air. But who is the lucky, lucky lady? The Nooz is on the hunt. Bet she's reading one helluva prenup.' Mia giggles and then stops as Christian glares at her. Everyone has stopped talking. Christian shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

'No' he mouths at Ana.

'Christian' dad says gently.

'I'm not discussing this again.' Christian snaps at dad, who looks at Ana nervously. 'No prenup' Christian almost shouts and goes back to reading the newspaper ignoring everyone at the table. Everyone looks at first Ana, then Christian and then at anywhere but them.

Ana whispers 'Christian, I'll sign anything you and Mr Grey want'

Christian glares at her and snaps 'No' Oh shit he's getting angry.

'It's to protect you' she stammers.

Mom interrupts them. 'Christian, Ana I think you should discuss this matter in private.' She says gently and then glares at dad and Mia; I think she's angry with them.

'Ana this is not about you and please call me Carrick' dad says. Christian looks at him coldly, he's certainly angry with him. Everyone starts talking at once. Mia and Kate get up to clear the table.

'I definitely prefer sausages' Elliot says and smiles. I grin at him, only Elliot could get away with saying something like that in this situation. Ana looks down; she's really uncomfortable sat around this table with us all. Christian takes her hands and whispers to her, I can just about hear as I am still sat next to him.

'Ignore my dad, he's really pissed about Elena and it was all aimed at me. Mom should have kept her mouth shut.' So dad had a talk with Christian last night about Mrs Lincoln. I wonder if that's why he was still up watching me sleep.

Ana whispers back about him being very wealthy and she has nothing. Christian gazes back at her; he looks distraught 'Anastasia, if you leave me you might as well take everything. You left me once before and I know how that feels.'

'You might want to leave me, what if I do something exceptionally stupid…..'

'Stop now. This subject is closed. We're not discussing it anymore. No prenup. Not now. Not ever.' He then turns and says 'Mom, can we have the wedding here.'

Maybe I shouldn't have listened in to their private conversation but my thoughts are racing and I'm lost in my own world. Will dad have this conversation with me when I decide that I want to get married and how would I feel. I can't see me being with anyone but Hannah and if she didn't want me then would I feel the same as Christian. His words echo round in my head 'If you leave me you might as well take everything' yes I can relate to that, Hannah means everything to me, I'm totally in love with her. Without her I would be nothing. I get up and walk out into the back yard to get away from the uncomfortable atmosphere and to get some air.

I sit on the table in the sun, my feet balancing on a chair. Ana comes out about five minutes after me. She looks totally lost. I stand up and go to her.

'Hey Ana, come and walk down to the jetty with me.'

'OK' she says uncertainly.

'Don't worry, Christian won't get cross. He'll probably follow us down there in a few minutes.'

We walk down towards the shore and out onto the jetty. I take Ana's hand.

'Hold onto me and take your sandals off' I say as I shake my converse off. 'Now sit down and let your feet dangle in the water' she does as I tell her and I sit next to her. I point out some landmarks to her from the city across the water.

'Do you feel more relaxed now?' I ask her.

'Yes thanks. How did you know?'

'I'm used to them. Do you know what you're letting yourself in for by marrying Christian and becoming part of this family. Mia is so over the top all the time and will have you at the mall or salon everyday if she can get away with it but don't tell her anything otherwise the whole of Seattle will know. Elliot will make you laugh all the time but he doesn't take anything seriously and will tease you to make you embarrassed in front of everyone. Christian, well he's just Christian but you know what he's like as well as I do if not better. Mom is lovely, relaxed, chilled, protective but you wouldn't want to make her angry and then there's dad cautious, careful, and overly protective of us all.'

'And what about you Matt?' Ana asks quietly and I look at her shyly and shrug.

'Yes what about you Matt.' Christian says as he comes up behind Ana and kisses her.

'How long have you been there?' I ask.

'Long enough to hear you give Ana a summary of the family.'

'Shoes off and dangle your feet in the water if you want to take part in this conversation.' I say smiling at him. He grins at me and complies sitting on the other side of Ana.

'Should I do the honours and finish the summary?' Christian asks and again I shrug. He turns to Ana and says 'Matt is the most trusting, loving, affectionate, generous, mischievous, caring, emotional…..'

'OK Christian that's enough. I don't think Ana wants to hear anymore.' I say

'You could be describing yourself Christian, you two are so alike.' Ana says.

'I'm nothing like him.' I mutter. 'I'm not overbearing, overprotective and a control freak and I certainly don't go thermonuclear in ten seconds.' Ana giggles at me and Christian laughs out loud.

'Did I mention he was funny and good at telling jokes?' Christian adds. He kisses Ana again and says 'At least he made you giggle; you know that's my most favourite sound in the world.'

'Perhaps I'd better hang around with you two more often then' I say and Ana giggles again.

'That's fine little bro' Christian says smiling at me 'What time is little Hannah due back?'

'About lunchtime I think. Shall we go and look at the car?'

'Sure that would be good' he says standing up in one graceful move before helping Ana. I get up more slowly; I'm starting to tire again already. 'Are you OK?' he asks.

'Yes let's go now and then I can come back and sleep. Are you coming with us Ana?' I ask smiling at her. Christian looks at her lovingly and she smiles at him as if trying to read his thoughts.

'I'd love to come as long as you don't mind me interrupting you.' She says.

'You're not' both Christian and I say together and she giggles again.

Christian and Ana walk back up towards the house hand in hand. I follow a short way behind. I get the keys for the gate and garage and then we're on our way, down the drive of this house. The short walk down the road and then unlocking the gate to the other house.

'Wait till you see this house Ana, it's almost as good as the one we've just bought' Christian says, smiling at her.

'You bought a house?' I ask 'You didn't say'

'I only did it on Friday, from your office actually' Christian says grinning at me.

'Oh, when you were angry with me.'

'Was I? I'm often angry with you'

'And me' Ana chips in rolling her eyes at me and it's my turn to laugh out loud.

We go straight to the garage first. Unlocking the door I let Christian enter and then Ana before I follow. He's just standing there looking in awe.

'Go and sit in.' I say to them both 'You can't drive her yet because she needs checking over before you switch the engine on according to dad'

'Another female in your life for me to get jealous of?' Ana asks and he nods smiling at her before replying 'Yes along with Charlie Tango when she's fixed'

I wander the length of the garage while they sit in the car together whispering to each other. I stand looking at the toy pedal car. I've seen photos of me in it but I don't remember playing in it. Christian is now stood by me.

'You used to drive that all the time'

'Really, I don't remember'

'Yes really, I think you almost went off the jetty in it one day' he smirks at me.

'That wouldn't surprise me'

'Can we walk round the garden?'

'Sure, will Ana be OK with that?'

'Yes, she'd love to'

We lock the garage again and walk down the drive and the house comes into view.

'Wow, that's one beautiful house' Ana says.

'And it belongs to my little bro' Christian adds proudly before continuing 'Seriously Matt, it is an awesome house. It's a lot bigger than I remember.'

'Come on let's go round the side to the garden.'

We walk together, relaxed and happy in one another's company. Christian reverts back to being a kid, pulling himself up easily onto the climbing frame by the monkey bars. Ana follows using the ladders by the bridge. I sit on one of the swings, too tired to join in while they explore. Eventually I walk down the garden and sit on the swing seat by the water's edge alone. This is a first; I've always sat on here with someone, never alone. I make it move gently and I'm lost in my own world.

Christian and Ana find me here. It's not hard to imagine what they've been up to as Ana is flushed, Christian totally relaxed.

'Hey little bro, I thought we'd find you here. Are you ready to head back? You look shattered.' Christian asks gently. I nod and smile at him. 'Which keys have you got there?' I hand them to him and he grins at me. 'Come on I'll show you the short cut'

We follow him through the trees before we come to the brick wall, there's a narrow path that is quite well hidden that runs alongside it for a few metres and then we're at a gate that's almost like a door in the wall which Christian unlocks. We walk through and he locks it behind us and then leads us through the trees on the other side before we emerge near the patio back home.

'Blimey Christian, I never knew that was there'

'I know, it's well hidden. I often use to sneak this way if I wanted space from mom and dad' he grins at me as we enter the kitchen. Mom is with Mia preparing lunch. I go and hug her and she smiles at me as if I've made her day.

'Mom, I'm going for a sleep will you wake me when Hannah gets back'

'Sure darling boy. Don't you want anything to eat?'

'No mom, I'm not hungry.'

'When did you last eat?' Christian asks and Ana rolls her eyes, oh yes he does ask her this question often.

'Yesterday lunchtime. I'm too tired now and will try and have something later. Don't get cross'

'Go and sleep' he says 'You're back to being grouchy.' But at least he's smiling at me.

'Will you still be here when I wake up?' I ask.

'Yes we're planning on staying all day, so I'll make sure you eat later.' I look at Ana and roll my eyes at her, she giggles at me again. I grin at her. I like making her happy.

'Laters all' I say before wearily climbing the stairs. Once in my room and in bed I fall asleep straight away.


	50. Chapter 50-Vanilla

I wake slowly, my eyes becoming accustomed to the bright light. Hannah is back but no-one has woken me. She must have laid on the bed next to me as she has left a hair tie and book on the duvet. I am cross as I head downstairs because I asked mom to wake me. Mom is in the kitchen.

'Hi darling boy, did you sleep well?'

'Yes mom, where's Hannah?'

'She in the garden darling with the other girls, she's not been back long.'

'I asked you to wake me.'

'I know darling, don't be cross. I sent Hannah up but she said you were fast asleep and didn't want to disturb you. Dad went to the store and got you some ice-cream.' Mom says smiling at me.

'Really, can I have some now? Please mom.'

'That's put you in a better mood, you're like my little boy again' she says opening the freezer and taking out the tub. 'Eat it in here otherwise they'll all want some and they will be having dinner soon. I take it your throat is still sore but you're hungry.'

'Yes, but this is helping.'

'Good, you can go outside when you've finished.' I'm finished quickly and head outside. Dad is sat at the table on the deck with Christian and Elliot; they are all drinking beer though dad has his head in a book whilst my brothers chat.

'Thank you for getting the ice cream dad, it was good and really helped.'

'No problem Matt.' Dad says.

'Vanilla?' Christian asks.

'Yes you know it's the only sort I like' I reply.

'Sometimes it's good to try something more exotic' he says smirking at me.

'Oh me and Kate definitely prefer a mix of vanilla and exotic' Elliot adds. I narrow my eyes at them, why do I get a feeling that they are talking about something else and teasing me. They both look at each other and grin then both reach towards their left nipples and laugh. Oh, they have been talking about me.

'You can both f…'

'Matthew Grey, stop right there before I have to slap you for swearing again.' Mom says. I freeze and gulp, eyes wide. Christian looks at first me, then mom and back to me. I turn in the direction of the jetty and walk away. I can hear the start of Christian's conversation to mom.

'Mom, I didn't tell you last night but Elena slapped…'

I carry on walking towards the shore, past the four girls who are all lying on some picnic rugs chatting. I sit on the edge of the jetty, hugging my knees. A few hours ago I sat here with Ana and Christian and we were all happy and relaxed.

'Shoes off and dangle your feet in the water' I hear Ana say as she sits beside me and does the same. 'Someone special told me earlier that this helps you relax and then you'll feel better'

I turn and smile shyly at her 'Thank you' I say.

'Hannah was going to come but when you stormed passed us she thought she might have upset you for some reason. You looked so angry and upset Matt'

'I was. I woke up cross and then my lovely brothers were teasing me'

'And they upset you?'

'Yes and something mom said.'

'Your mom upset you too?'

'She was going to slap me because I was about to swear at them.'

'I'm sure she was only joking'

'Oh, I didn't think it was very funny. Ana can I ask you something?'

'Sure'

'Do you like Mrs Lincoln?' she freezes. 'I take it from your reaction that's a no. Last night I thought she looked like a black widow spider full of poisonous venom. I must have voiced my thoughts and she heard me. She found me outside and slapped me twice, it hurt but then she tried to kiss me. I was so disgusted that I sat out here all night until the guests from the party had gone. So when mom said she would slap me I froze, she didn't know and I will have upset her again'

'She will understand. If it makes you feel any better I threw one of your dad's lemon martinis in Mrs Lincoln's face and your mom slapped her.'

'Really' I say smiling at her.

'Yes really' Ana says grinning. She then puts an arm round my shoulder and gives me a hug.

'Hi baby' Christian says giving Ana a kiss. 'Your alone time with my baby bro is up, a little lady would like to say hello.' He helps her to her feet and I turn to see Hannah waiting nervously at the end of the jetty. I smile at her as Christian and Ana walk away hand in hand. Hannah runs to me and hugs me.

'Hi baby, I missed you' I say hugging her back.

'Hi Matt, I missed you too. I thought I'd done something to upset you.'

'No, just my brothers teasing me about the love bites you gave me'

'Oh, did they see' she asks.

'Christian did when mom had to check me out.'

'Your mom saw as well. I'm so embarrassed. She never mentioned it when I got back. She told me how sick you are though.'

'I'm just tired baby, and I'm desperate to kiss you but am not allowed for a few weeks.'

'I'm desperate to kiss you as well.'

'How was your weekend with your dad?' I ask trying to change the subject.

'Interesting' she says. 'He wants me to move to Chicago with him.'

'No' I say without thinking, my heart sinks.

'Yes, but I put my foot down. It's my last year at school. I can't be doing with changing now. He suggested that I could rent an apartment near school, he would pay.'

'And' I say playing for time as my breathing returns to normal.

'And when he dropped me off he spoke to your mom about a few things. She came up with an idea but we both have to be happy with it.' Hannah says looking at me cautiously. I stare back at her waiting for her to continue. 'She suggested that I stay here, separate rooms on the nights before a school day. We have a month's trial once school starts and if our grades aren't as good as last year or if we don't stick to the rules then dad rents me an apartment.'

'Wow, can you live with that?'

'Yes, can you?'

'Yes' I whisper and smile at her. I'm so happy. I hug her and only just stop myself from kissing her. 'We'll have to be good'

'I know' she replies 'but it will be worth it.'

'Hannah when Christian and Elliot were teasing me they were referring to ice cream flavors and how it's good to try stuff more exotic than vanilla. Do you know what they were on about?' she looks at me embarrassed. 'You do know?'

'Yes, vanilla is just straight sex.'

'Oh' I say and look away into the distance.

'Matt, don't go quiet on me.' I turn and look at her not knowing what to say 'Don't sweat it, people at school talk about this sort of stuff; you just don't talk to many people.'

'It means I haven't got a clue about stuff though. People are right when they say I've been too over protected and that I'm naïve.'

'Yes but I love you just the way you are' she says kissing my cheek.

'I love you too baby.' I say kissing her ear 'I want you'

'Now?'

'Yes, but they'll all be watching us. Mom will be concerned about something she said earlier. I'd better go and see her.' We get up together and walk up the garden holding hands. 'Go back to your girly talk on the picnic rug, I'll go and find mom.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, we'll have plenty of time together this week. I can't see Christian wanting me in the office much. He'll say that I need to rest so I might as well take advantage.' I say grinning at her and then kiss her cheek 'I'm so happy that you're back baby and staying here' I whisper as she goes off to join Mia, Ana and Kate.

As I pass by the patio and decking area dad is firing up the barbeque. Christian and Elliot are still sat at the table enjoying the evening sunshine. I look at them through narrow eyes before going in search of mom. I hear the piano so head straight to the family room and she looks up as I enter. I go over and sit next to her, my fingers playing the odd note to compliment her tune. She turns to me when it's finished.

'Darling, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I had no idea what that evil woman did to you'

'Mom its ok, maybe I should have told you last night but I was so tired by the time I saw you.' I say giving her a small hug.

'I know you're tired again now but how else are you feeling?' mom asks kissing the top of my head.

'I'm OK now, I spoke to Hannah. Thanks for letting her stay here mom.'

'They'll be rules darling. We'll discuss them altogether tomorrow. I need to go to the hospital in the morning for a couple of hours but then I will be home. I want you and Hannah to come with me for blood tests so that we can confirm your case and check to see whether Hannah might have it.'

'OK'

'And I want to check you over again now, we'll go to dad's study' she says and gets up from the stool. I follow her as I know there's no getting out of it. She does the same checks as last night. When she touches my back its still sore.

'Does it hurt?'

'Yes mom' I reply.

'Matt your spleen is really swollen. You won't be able to do anything that might impact on it, you might be able to do a gentle swim in a few days but that is it do you understand? If you get any pain in your left shoulder or stomach you must tell me straight away and if I'm not here get Hannah to call the paramedics. If it ruptures it dangerous.'

'OK mom, I understand.'

'Why were you about to swear at your brothers earlier? It's not like you.' Mom asks as she listens to my heart.

'They were teasing me and I got upset.'

'Do you want me to have a word with them?'

'No mom, they will be going to their homes soon. They didn't mean to upset me and I guess I'm a bit fragile at the moment.'

'Ok, let's go and join everyone else. Dad should have cooked by now. Will you try and eat something; your throat doesn't look as swollen at the moment.'

'I'll try mom' I say giving her a hug and kissing her cheek. She hugs me back and then kisses my forehead.

We walk through the house together and out into the back yard. The girls have all pitched in together and made salads and set the table. Dad is just finishing the meat whilst Christian and Elliot sort out drinks. Christian takes me to one side as everyone sorts themselves out with seating arrangements.

'Are you OK now?' he asks. I just nod at him. 'I'm sorry for earlier, Elliot and I were out of order and we took it too far. We shouldn't have said what we did.'

'I asked mom about why you would be going on about vanilla and exotic ice cream.' I say innocently.

'What did she say?' he stammers and looks shocked.

'Gotcha.' I say and smile sweetly at him.

'Matt, even ill you're still trying to catch me out.' he says slapping me on the back and then hugging me 'Fair play to you'

I try not to grimace as he hugs me and then I take my seat between Hannah and mom. Christian is opposite me next to Ana. I put a small amount of food on my plate and he looks at me questionably. I raise my eyebrows at him to let him know to leave it. Everyone is talking and relaxed throughout the meal, though I sit there quietly. When everyone has nearly finished I turn to mom and whisper

'Mom, I don't want you to make a fuss but can I speak to you in the kitchen'

'Sure darling' she asks. I just get up and leave expecting her to follow.

'Matthew' dad says 'We haven't finished.'

'Cary, I think something is wrong' mom says quietly to him. 'I need to be with him' and she is by my side. As soon as we're in the kitchen she looks at me with concern, waiting for me to speak.

'Mom, I don't want you to worry but I've got a small nagging pain in my left shoulder. It might be nothing.'

'How long have you had it?'

'Since we sat down for dinner.'

'Ok, lift up your shirt. I'm not going to put any pressure on but I just need to feel gently.' I do as she asks. 'Have you knocked it at all, the swelling has gone down slightly which suggests there might be a small tear.'

'No mom' I say rather guiltily knowing exactly when it happened.

'OK, I haven't been drinking luckily so I'll drive you to the hospital now so that they can take a look.' She says gently. 'I'll just go and tell dad'

'Mom, everyone will fuss'

'No they won't, wait here. I'll be discreet. Do you want Hannah to know?'

'No, not yet. I don't want her to worry.' I say and go and sit down on a chair and resting my elbows on the table I put my head in my hands and close my eyes. Mom is soon back but Christian is right behind her. I knew he would find out. The concern is etched all over his face.

'Matt, did I do this to you?' he asks. I look away before mom sees the guilt on my face because I lied to her to cover up for Christian.

'Matthew Grey, what haven't you told me?' mom demands.

'Nothing' not looking her in the eye and giving a warning look to Christian. They are both staring at me now.

'OK, Ok, Christian playfully slapped me on the back just before we sat down for dinner. Please don't be angry with me, either of you'

'In the car now.' Mom says, her face set in stone. 'Christian, I'll call as soon as I have any news.'

'Can I come with you?' he asks.

'No, please stay here and take care of Hannah. I don't want her to worry.' I say.

'Car' mom says to me 'I'll call darling as soon as I can' she says to Christian and then she follows me out.

As mom drives in silence the tension builds between us.

'Mom, I forgot my phone. Can I borrow yours please?' I ask.

'There's a surprise' she replies sarcastically. 'It's in my bag, help yourself.' She adds.

I send two texts. The first to Hannah 'Don't worry about me baby, I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I love you Mx' followed by one to Christian 'Mom is pretty pissed with me at the moment and she's not talking to me. It wasn't your fault so don't feel guilty. I know what you're like but don't blame yourself I should have told her straight away. Love always Matt'

He replies instantly as I knew he would. Mom looks at me and asks 'So what did he say?' I look at the text and smile as I read it 'Remember you are using mom's phone to text. She will read them and be more than pretty pissed with you! Take care, love from us all x'

'He just tells me to take care mom' I say, she'll read it later herself. I sigh and close my eyes. 'I'm sorry mom'

'Matthew I told you to tell me straight away.' Oh shit she's angry and is back to calling me Matthew.

'Mom, please don't be angry'

'We're here now' she says pulling into her car park space. She climbs out of the car and heads inside the hospital. I follow behind and by the time I enter she's already giving my details to the receptionist. I sit down on a plastic chair. I hear the receptionist say to mom

'Everyone thinks they are ill otherwise they wouldn't be here. The doctors are busy and you will seen shortly' Oh dear, mom was already angry she will be even more so now. Perhaps this receptionist doesn't know she's a doctor.

'I understand fully that people are ill, my son's condition could be life threatening. Who is the doctor in charge tonight?' mom asks.

'Dr Robertson. He will be here shortly. Mrs Grey if you'd like to take a seat I'll call you over'

'Thank you' mom says sitting down next to me and searching in her bag before she smiles when she's found what she's looking for.

'Mom, what are you doing?'

'Paging Dr Robertson, he'll be with us quicker this way'

'Can you do that?'

'I have now.'

'Dr Trevelyan' a man says as he approaches mom and shakes her hand. The receptionist looks embarrassed, she obviously realises who mom is now. 'Let's get Matt through to a room and get him checked out' I go to stand and follow them but am feeling dizzy and almost pass out. Mom catches me and then everything goes dark. I slip in and out of consciousness, I'm in a room and the doctor is shouting instructions. 'Get a drip, and we need blood for a transfusion.'

'Mom'

'I'm here darling boy'

'Mom, I'm scared.'

'You're in good hands, you'll be OK.'

'I love you' I say feeling the pull back into unconsciousness 'Mommy'

'Grace, we need to work on him. You might be best waiting outside' the man's voice says and then there's lots of noise and machines bleeping but I feel like I'm sleeping.


	51. Chapter 51-Sleep

The room is quiet apart from the beep of a machine. I want to open my eyes but they stay shut. I try to move my arm but something is holding it down. I try to speak but no sound comes out.

'Carrick I was so angry with him and he was so scared and he was still thinking of me, he told me he loved me'

'You know what he's like he hates the fuss. That's why he wouldn't tell you how ill he was before the party and then he didn't tell you about the pain because he didn't want to spoil dinner. He always leaves it to the last minute like he's always late for everything and then he still puts other's first. Even on the way here he had to text Christian'

'And he forgot his phone. We'll never change him'

'I wouldn't want to'

'The last thing he said was 'mommy' he's never called me that'

'Oh Grace'

I go back to sleep and leave them to their conversation. I'm dreaming. I must be about four and I'm running round the garden. Daddy is trying to catch me as mommy lies on the grass laughing at us. He catches me and throws me over his shoulder and then takes me to mommy and we're all lying on the grass and they're tickling me. Then as we walk across the garden I am between them holding their hands and they swing me high in the air. We walk through the patio doors into the house. I'm awake again but still I can't move.

'Mom, I did this to him. He looks so fragile.'

'No darling, it was only a tiny tear. The spleen was so swollen it could have gone anytime. By the time we got here he'd been bleeding for an hour, his blood pressure just dropped so low and he fainted, as I caught him I probably put more pressure on it than you ever did.'

'He's lucky to be alive.'

'Yes but he was in the right place and in good hands.'

'I feel so guilty though'

'I read his text that he sent you; he knew you would blame yourself. It's not your fault, it could be mine and it could be his for not saying anything sooner. At least he's going to be OK, we just have to be patient and be here for him when he wakes up. Did you and Ana start planning the wedding?'

'Mom, how can we when he's lying here?'

'But he would want you to; you know what he's like. He'd hate to think that he was the reason that it wasn't going ahead or was delayed. He'll be fine by then.'

'OK mom, we'll start tomorrow'

I drift back into my peaceful sleep. We are in a helicopter over Seattle, daddy is flying and a young Christian is sat next to him. Dad is next to me pointing things of interest out trying to keep me amused but I keep wriggling around and saying that I'm getting out. Dad is smiling at me telling me that I can get out soon but I've got to be patient and wait until the helicopter is on the ground. When we land Christian is talking animatedly to daddy whilst I run to mommy who is waiting with open arms. I try and wake up again. Someone is crying.

'Don't be upset, he's going to be OK. These machines are just monitoring everything.' Mom says.

'He looks so small' a whispered voice says. I think its Hannah, my beautiful Hannah. 'I don't like to see him like this' she sobs.

'Shhh, he'll wake when he's ready and it will be easier then.' Mom says.

I go back to sleep. I don't want to hear Hannah cry. I am walking somewhere with mommy, she is holding my hand and I am trying to wriggle free but she grips tighter. 'No Matty boy, I'm not letting go, we are walking on the road and it is too dangerous for you on your own' I stop and refuse to move stamping my foot. 'Shall we turn back home and you can go to bed or would you like to continue and see the Greys' I look at her and smile cheekily and holding her hand nicely we continue down the road. 'Would you like Grace to look after you on Saturday when I go out with daddy, Christian might play with you.' I nod, smiling happily. I like Grace looking after me, she spoils me and Christian plays patiently with me for hours. I want to see them again now.

'He reminds me of you, he's so innocent and naive. He had sex for the first time ten days ago and we were teasing him about vanilla. We shouldn't have done it. When I was his age I'd done so much. I was jealous when I saw you at the end of the jetty giving him a hug and you were just trying to help him because of me.'

'Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. What did he say in that text he sent to you, it wasn't your fault. He should have told your mom sooner.'

'That's what he's like though, he won't let anyone blame themselves and would always cover up for us. He always puts others first. He's pretty damn special.'

'He certainly is. Do you know what he calls Mrs Robinson? A black widow spider full of poisonous venom.' And Christian laughs loudly.

'Hey bro, it's our turn. Can you go and have a word with Hannah. She's still with mom. I think she was shocked and is now too scared to come back in.'

Hannah is upset, oh no. I want to hug her and make sure she is OK. I can't have her upset for me.

'Hey' I say

'Matt, thank god you're awake' Christian says and presses something above my head.

'Hannah'

'Don't worry, she's here with mom. She'll be here in a minute.'

'I'll go and get her' Ana says then adds 'Its good see you again Matt' and she kisses me on the forehead.

I look at Christian warily to see his reaction but he's smiling at me. 'You're not jealous?'

'That Ana kissed you, no little bro I'm just happy that you're awake' Christian says.

'I'm glad you waited for me to be here before you woke' Elliot says in his usual loud way.

A doctor and two nurses arrive in the room.

'There should be only two visitors' a nurse says.

'Sorry, we were just swapping over when he woke' Elliot says smiling at the nurse.

'OK, but can you all wait outside while we check him over.'

'How long will it take?' Christian demands.

'About twenty minutes.'

'Please can you just wait a few minutes until mom has seen him?' he asks. The nurse looks at the doctor and he nods. Mom comes rushing in.

'Oh darling boy, you're awake.' She says kissing my cheek.

'Hi mom, are you still angry with me?'

'No, I'm pleased to see you.' She whispers. I can see Hannah in the doorway, she's talking to Ana who puts her arms around her and envelopes her in a hug. Mom must see me looking at her.

'Matt, you gave us all a bit of a fright. Hannah has been so worried about you, she's a bit upset.' Mom says looking at Christian with concern as she strokes my hair. He goes outside to see Ana, Elliot and Kate must have left the room as well at some point.

'Mom, I don't want her to worry. I'm tired again so will sleep till she gets here.' I say just about to close my eyes as mom moves quickly to the door.

'Hannah please can you come in otherwise he's going back to sleep until you see him.' Mom pleads.

She comes in and smiles shyly at me, Ana is with her, an arm around her shoulder. 'I will stay as long as you need me and then I'll be outside with Christian, OK?' Hannah nods at her.

'Hi baby, you look beautiful. I'm sorry I left you without saying goodbye I didn't want you to worry.'

'Oh Matt, I've missed you. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up.' She says. Ana makes a move towards the door and mom goes with her. Hannah comes to me and kisses me on the lips.

'I love you Hannah'

'I love you too' she whispers. The doctor and nurses come back in. Mom is with them.

'Darling boy, the doctor is going to check you over. I'll be waiting outside the room with Hannah.'

'OK, I love you mom' I say smiling at her as she kisses me once more.

'I love you darling. Please let us say goodnight to you before you go back to sleep' she says smiling at me and I nod and smile back at her.

The doctor checks me out; apparently I'll be on a drip for another day at least.

'What day is it today?' I ask him

'It's 10pm on Monday evening, you've been asleep for just over twenty four hours.'

'Oh, I'm tired again now'

'Good, the more you sleep the quicker your body will recover. You were very lucky; the spleen didn't rupture fully so we have managed to repair it, though you did lose a lot of blood. I'll leave your family to say goodnight now and I'll check on you again tomorrow.'

'Thank you' I say as he leaves the room. My family are soon back in crowding around me and fussing. I lie quietly and let the noisy banter wash over my head. Hannah holds my hand and I gently squeeze hers.

'Christian and Ana have been so good to me, they let me stay at Escala last night and I am going back again tonight so that I am only a few minutes away.' She says. I smile at her and she kisses my cheek. 'Goodnight Matt, I'll be back first thing in the morning.'

'Goodnight little bro, we're going to take Hannah home with us now so that she can finally sleep.' Christian says.

'Thank you for looking after her' I whisper

'No problem, you need to sleep now so that you're back home with us soon' he says as I nod at him. He gives mom a hug and then leaves. Again Ana has an arm round Hannah as they walk away.

Elliot is sat quietly for once in the chair in the corner as mom and dad come and say goodnight.

'Mom, where is Mia?'

'She was here earlier darling but went home. We are going home as well now darling.' She says smiling at me. I look at her with wide eyes. 'Don't panic, Elliot is going to stay with you tonight darling.'

'OK.' I say rather uncertainly. Mom looks at dad worriedly.

'Matt' dad says 'Your mom is exhausted and needs to sleep. She was here with you all last night and today. I am going to take her home so that she can be back here with you tomorrow. Elliot will call us if there is a problem or you need us but you will probably be asleep all night.'

'Hey little bro, I'm not that bad. We can have a few beers and I'll give you some tips on being in a relationship with Hannah' Elliot says loudly grinning at me. I grin back at him.

'Elliot Grey, will you be responsible for once in your life. I'm trusting you to look after your brother tonight' mom says.

'Mom chill, we'll be fine. Go and get some rest and we'll see you in the morning.' Elliot says going to hug her. I smile and close my eyes.

'Come on Grace you need some sleep. I'll take you home now.' Dad says.

'Oh Carrick, he's gone back to sleep and I didn't say goodnight'

I open an eye 'Goodnight mom, goodnight dad, goodnight Elliot. I'm tired so I'm going to sleep now'

'Goodnight' they all say and kiss me in turn before leaving, though Elliot pulls up the chair to be near me.


	52. Chapter 52-Tired

I open my eyes and it's still dark outside. Elliot is asleep in the chair beside my bed. At least he's quiet for once. I want to move and get up but am not sure if I'll be allowed. I try to shift and Elliot is awake in an instant.

'I'm sorry I didn't mean to disturb you' I say

'You didn't, I was just resting my eyes. Are you OK?' Elliot says.

'Yes, but I want to get out of bed.'

'No, not whilst I'm looking after you. Mom thinks I'm irresponsible as it is, if anything were to happen to you…'

'I'll be fine, mom doesn't need to know'

'Mom doesn't need to know what? What are you two planning?' Christian says as he enters the room.

'I want to get out of bed and Elliot won't let me. What are you doing here it's still dark outside?' I say grumpily.

'I couldn't sleep so thought I might as well let Elliot go home for a few hours before he has to work. Hannah will be here to take over from me before my breakfast meeting. Though if you're talking about getting out of bed perhaps we shouldn't leave you here alone with her as she will let you.'

'Are you angry with me?' I ask.

'Only because you're trying to do things before you're ready and we want you back home as soon as possible.'

'I'll go back to sleep then.' I say closing my eyes.

Elliot and Christian move to the other side of the room, they probably think because I've got my eyes shut that I can't hear them but I hear every word.

'I called Mia last night and told her that she was out of order not being here for him'

'What did she say?' Elliot asks

'That's one reason why I'm so angry and couldn't sleep' Christian hisses.

'But you never get angry with Mia, she can twist you round her little finger'

'Well she thought that it would be OK to hang out at the club with her friends because she didn't expect him to wake up just yet. I'm thinking of stopping her allowance then she might get in the real world if she has to work.' Christian says. I always wondered where Mia got her money from.

'I'll call her today and have a word with her, she might listen to me. Thanks for coming in to take over, I'm shattered so will go home for some sleep. I'll be back later this afternoon. Bye bro' Elliot says and gives Christian a hug.

Christian comes and sits in the chair next to me that Elliot was sleeping in. I open an eye and look at him. He's just watching me intently.

'Are you still angry with me?' I ask.

'No, I wasn't really angry with you but please Matt don't take any risks just yet.'

'OK. She doesn't like me.'

'Who?' Christian asks

'Mia' I reply.

'She does, she's just in a world of her own and needs to sort her priorities out.' he mutters. I turn the other way. 'Hey, don't sulk. You were supposed to have an appointment today with Dr Greene to talk about contraception.'

'How do you know about that?'

'I heard Hannah on the phone.'

'Oh, is there anything you don't know about? Hannah wanted me to go with her. I think she was a bit nervous.'

'Ana is going to take her for moral support and wait outside for her. Dr Greene wouldn't let you in anyway, she never lets me.' Christian says with a smile.

'Jeez, does the whole family know. I never have any privacy.' I say. 'You can go to work early if you want, I'm tired so am going back to sleep.'

'It's OK; I'll send some emails from here. If I go you'll do something stupid like try and get out of bed. I hadn't expected you to be awake anyway, but if you're still asleep when I do go then I'll be back to see you soon.'

'Thanks Christian.' I say and instantly fall asleep. I dream that I'm with Hannah. We're sailing, then running around on the playground. Sitting on the swing seat and standing at the Space Needle. Splashing our feet at the end of the jetty and lying on the grass. I become aware that I am slowly waking up but I keep my eyes shut. Christian is still here and he's with Mia.

'You took your time in coming to visit your baby brother' Christian hisses at Mia.

'Everyone else has been here for him.' Mia says and I can imagine her pouting.

'Are you jealous? He thinks you hate him, why would he think that?' Christian asks. I freeze, lying as still as I can. I know I shouldn't be doing this but I can't help myself.

'No I'm not jealous. Everyone just thinks he's such a goody goody. He can't do anything wrong. You weren't at school with him. It was so embarrassing always seeing mom or dad sat outside the principal's office because he'd been up to something. He hardly had any friends that sometimes at recess he would be sat under a tree on his own just staring into space and if Hannah was with her girlfriends he would end up most lunchtime sat by himself eating. Don't you think that he's a bit strange?'

'No Mia I don't. If you saw that he was on his own why the hell didn't you help him?' Christian shouts.

'I was with my friends.' Mia mutters.

'As always. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and you were on your own and he had a big social group?' Christian asks her.

'I don't know.'

'And should I tell you why you don't know, because he wouldn't have let it happen. He'd have included you with whatever he was doing so you wouldn't have felt left out.' Christian is seething with anger. 'I'm going to get a coffee, if he wakes up you've got some making up to do.' The door shuts loudly; not quite a slam but he obviously left the room angry.

I open my eyes and look at Mia. 'Can't you just pretend that you like me? It would make life easier.' I say.

'You heard everything?' Mia asks.

'Yes. He'll calm down eventually but he's thinking of stopping your allowance, I heard him telling Elliot earlier.'

'Are you just pretending to be ill just so that you can listen to other people's conversations?' she snaps.

'It's easier to keep my eyes closed, I don't mean to listen in but you all keep talking loudly next to my bed.' I say tiredly. 'You haven't been that bad, it's only been the last few weeks that you've shown that you don't like me.'

'I am jealous of you. Everything just seems to fall into place for you. Your job with Christian, your relationship with Hannah. I have all these friends but sometimes it all feels so empty and false.'

'Mia, you're smart. You could do anything you wanted to instead of hanging round the mall all day or at the spa or salon. Why don't you look into university courses even if it's here in Seattle? At least then you'd be doing something worthwhile and you might make some new friends. If you do it this week you might even be able to start next semester.'

'Thanks Matt, maybe I'll do that. I'm sorry if I've been horrible to you. I do love you really.' Mia says just as Christian walks back into the room.

'At least you two are talking. Are you friends again?' Christian asks.

'Yes Christian, we're friends again.' Mia says with her usual pout but stands to give him a hug.

'Why are you still here? I thought you were going to work.' I ask him.

He grins at me before replying in a teasing way. 'I have been to work. Hannah has sat with you all day and you didn't even have the decency to wake up and keep her company. Ana has just taken her for a break to get something to eat. Are you hungry?'

'No, my throat is still sore. I can't believe I missed Hannah.'

'You missed mom and dad as well and Elliot has been back. Shall I get you some ice cream?'

'No.' I say and close my eyes.

'Grouchy.'

'No. I just want to be on my own.' I mutter. He looks at Mia and she makes some excuse about going for a drink before kissing my cheek and leaving.

'Matt, what's the matter? It's not like you to be like this.' He asks gently. I shrug keeping my eyes closed. 'Matt, please talk to me.'

I open my eyes and look at him and whisper quietly 'I would like some ice cream.'

He gets out his phone and instantly barks an order 'Vanilla ice cream, as soon as possible.' When he clicks off he looks at me, his eyes softening before saying 'You thought I would tease you about this?' I nod. 'So you would have gone without and been hungry?' again I nod. 'Jeez Matt, I'm sorry. We shouldn't have been so cruel the other day.'

I smile weakly at him just as Taylor enters the room with a tub of ice cream. I grin at him, pleased to see him. 'Hi Taylor.'

'Hi Matthew. Good to see you awake and wanting food. Mrs Jones sends her love and is waiting for you to want some proper food so that she can cook for you.'

'Maybe she can send some tomorrow. Her tomato soup would be good. Thank you for the ice cream.'

'It's a pleasure and I'll let Mrs Jones know. Will there be anything else Sir?' Taylor asks Christian.

'No, that will be all.' Christian says and Taylor leaves.

'Hannah will be back soon. I'm going to leave you two alone for a couple of hours but will be back to pick her up later. Mom is staying with you tonight. I'm staying tomorrow night.' He tells me as I start on the ice cream.

I look at him horrified 'When will I be able to go home? I ask.

'Thursday morning if you're lucky. How do you feel about coming to Escala for a few days? That way Mrs Jones can look after you during the day whilst everyone is working. Don't worry Hannah can stay as well. At least you can have a bit of a normal life, everything you need is on one level or you use an elevator. There's a coffee shop almost outside so you can at least feel like you're going somewhere and there's the restaurant if you want dinner alone together. Plus you'll be closer to the hospital for checks and if we need to get you back for any reason. If you go back to Bellevue it's a drive anywhere….'

'OK, you've convinced me. Will Ana be OK with that and what about mom?'

'Ana will be delighted, her and Hannah are getting on really well. Mom will be happy. I've already checked with dad, he had planned to take her away this weekend and I think they should still go but she was having doubts.'

'I think they should go as well. If I'm with you she won't worry.' I say smiling at him and he grins back at me. Hannah and Ana arrive back; Ana goes straight to Christian and kisses him. He whispers something in her ear and she smiles at him lovingly before blushing. I look away, slightly jealous that I can't have alone time with Hannah. Hannah is stood holding back from me. I look at her worriedly, something has upset her. I go to hold her hand but she pulls away. I close my eyes again; I can't be hurt if I close them. I hear Christian and Ana say their goodbyes to Hannah, Christian warns her not to let me get out of bed, and then they are gone.

'Are you awake?' Hannah murmurs.

'Yes' I say opening one eye, she's looking at me warily. 'Has something happened that I don't know about?'

'No' she says almost sulkily.

'Have I upset you?' I ask thinking I haven't done anything but sleep.

'No, I'm just tired. I've been here all day and this is the first chance we've had to speak.'

'I'm sorry baby, I didn't know you were here, you should have woken me.'

'What? No, I've had it drummed into me how much you have to sleep to get better and how you can't get out of bed just yet. Jeez Matt they would all be so angry with me if I woke you.' She looks at me and smiles 'They're all being over protective as usual'

'Oh, sorry. I can just sleep but you have to deal with them'

'They've all been good to me though. Ana took me to see Dr Greene earlier, she was a bit scary. I had to do a pregnancy test and thought I was going to pass out waiting for the results.' I look at her, the horror must show on my face. 'Don't worry, it was negative. She's now given me a shot so you'll be good to go in seven days.'

'Pregnancy Test? That is scary Hannah'

'I know but we were lucky it was negative. No more risks now until we've finished university at least.'

'And we're married'

'Is that a proposal?'

'Not from a hospital bed.' I say grinning at her 'Surely you'd want something more romantic.'

'Too right, I want total hearts and flowers.' She says smiling and comes to give me a hug and kiss on the cheek.

'I've missed you baby, I need to get out of here on Thursday just so I can hold you and hug you properly.'

'Me too.' She sits in the chair, resting her head on the side of the bed next to me and I stroke her hair until she falls asleep. I watch her for a while before closing my own eyes.


	53. Chapter 53Scar

'Mom, where's Hannah?' I ask her making her jump almost as she's looking out of the window.

'Christian took her back to Escala about an hour a go. You were both asleep when we arrived.' She says gently before coming over to kiss my forehead.

'I tried to stay awake, I wanted to say goodnight to her and goodbye.' I say angrily.

'Hey, darling boy what's the mood for?' she's stroking my head now to calm me.

'I've been asleep all day and hardly seen her in fact I've hardly seen anyone.' I mutter.

'That's because of the drugs, look they've taken the drips out now; you should be awake more tomorrow.' Mom smiles at me.

'Can I get out of bed? I want to move around.' I ask.

'I'll get the nurse and she can help you.' She says going to the door. The nurse appears straight away.

'Dr Trevelyan, can I help you?' the nurse asks.

'Matthew is getting frustrated and wants to be out of bed. Is there a chance that he can have a quick walk round with the two of us either side of him?'

'Sure, that should be fine. No more than five minutes though.'

I grin at mom and move the blankets, then I swing my legs out of the side.

'Slowly.' The nurse says 'Otherwise you'll end up doing more damage and staying here an extra day.'

I tenderly put my feet on the ground. Mom and the nurse are at each elbow ready to help me but I want to do this on my own. I stand up quickly and feel dizzy, sitting down almost straight away. I look at mom worriedly and she smiles.

'Impatient as usual, you were told to take it slowly. Try again but let us help you, once you're on your feet you'll be fine but if you feel light headed at all you must sit down again. You'll be like this for a few days so if there are no chairs around and you're on your own just lower yourself to the floor and sit until the feeling passes. Someone won't be far away so they'll be able to help you back up.' Mom says gently in encouragement.

I let them help me this time and gradually they leave me to walk to the window on my own. I stare out at the lights of the city. Mom comes and stands next to me and I turn to her and let her envelope me into a hug.

'Mom, why does it take so much effort to walk such a short distance? The top half of my body hurts so much.' I say as she continues to hold me.

'Darling boy, you will feel stronger each day but you've got to be patient.'

'OK, I need to use the bathroom and I could do with a clean t-shirt and pyjama bottoms.'

'You walk towards the bathroom and I will get them for you.' Mom says, though she's back by my side in an instant. 'Here take them, I'll give you some privacy but don't lock the door'

I wash my face and clean my teeth which makes me feel slightly better. Pulling the t-shirt over my head I wince at the pain in my chest. I catch a glimpse in the mirror and recoil in horror. There's an incision on my front that has been neatly stitched, it starts just below my left nipple and goes to halfway down my abdomen. 'No o o o' I shout.

Mom comes rushing in 'Darling what's wrong?'

'Mom, look at me' I say angrily 'Did Hannah see this? Is this why she was so scared the other day? She won't want me anymore.' I walk past mom pulling the clean t-shirt on to hide my chest and go back to lie on the bed and close my eyes.

Mom takes my hand in hers. 'Matt, it was just a shock to her the other day, you were hooked up to all sorts of machines and there were the drips into your arms and a tube coming out of your stomach. She was upset to see you lying there like that, we all were. You gave us such a fright but she's been in here all day today and she's much happier now, she knows you'll have the scar and it doesn't worry her. She'd rather have you here with a scar than not at all.'

'Did I nearly die mom?' I ask my eyes now open wide staring at mom.

'It was touch and go darling. It's not something I want to go through again with any of you.'

'I should be grateful that I only have this then and that I'm alive.' I say and mom nods at me. 'Mom, I take it I won't be able to go to California before school starts.'

'I don't think so darling, especially not to surf.' She says quietly. I look at her and she can tell I'm upset. I've been really looking forward to this trip with Hannah, Jonty and three other friends. I'm absolutely gutted that I won't be able to go.

'She'll find someone else; I won't be able to do anything for the rest of the summer.'

'Stop torturing yourself like this. Hannah loves you. She's not going to California without you, in fact she's already phoned everyone to tell them and they've all decided to postpone the trip until you can go. Hannah knows that you won't be able to do much but she's looking forward to spending quiet time with you and she will do her portfolio whilst you sleep.' She says smiling at me. 'Are you tired?'

'No' I say looking at her intently then adding 'Mom, I had some dreams and I remember some things now. Did I wriggle a lot?'

'Yes all the time, in fact you were never still. You wouldn't hold anyone's hand preferring to run alongside us independently, if we went out you wouldn't sit quietly for long.'

'Mommy told me off for not holding her hand nicely, she said we wouldn't be able to visit you and that I'd have to go to bed.' I say grinning.

'I bet you stopped in the road and stamped your foot. You often had little tantrums.' She smiles lovingly at me.

'I went in the house with them; will you take me soon when we get home?' I ask quietly.

'Yes darling I will. Anything else?'

'Yes mom, we were in a helicopter. Daddy was flying and Christian was sitting next to him. I was behind with dad. I told him I was getting out and he told me I had to be patient and wait until we were on the ground. I was wriggling around lots then. Mommy was waiting when we landed.'

'That was the first time you all went together, you didn't enjoy it that time but soon got used to it. I was out with Mia that day but we all met up later in the evening. I think Elliot was away with school.'

'That's all I remember mom, it was nice dreaming those memories. I've never done that before.' I say.

'Thank you for sharing them with me darling.'

'That's ok mom. I'm tired now.'

'OK, sleep. I'll be here when you wake. I love you darling.'

'I love you too mom.' I say and fall asleep with a smile on my face.

When I wake its morning and I feel a lot better, I'm more alert today. Mom and dad are stood by the window, dad is dressed for work in his suit and he's hugging mom. He grins at me.

'Morning Matt, how are you feeling this morning?'

'Morning dad. Morning mom, I'm feeling good. Mom can I get up and go to the bathroom.'

'Sure same as last night, slowly.' She says smiling affectionately at me though she's still in dad's arms. I get out of bed more carefully than last night and make my way across the room. It does feel easier than twelve hours ago. When I've finished in the bathroom I make my way back into the room. Mom and dad have left discreetly leaving Hannah waiting for me. She stands shocked almost at the sight of me and I walk towards her enveloping her in a hug. It feels so good to hold her in my arms, I pull away slightly to look at her and she has tears pouring down her cheeks.

'Hey baby, what are the tears for?'

'I'm so happy. After yesterday when you slept all day I expected the same today but when I arrived and you weren't in bed I panicked. Your dad was hugging your mom and I thought something had happened to you but your mom said to wait and be patient and then they went outside and you walked out of the bathroom. I like that you can hug me again.'

'I like that I can hug you again and what it makes me feel' I say taking her hand and putting it on my erection.'

'Matt Grey, you can't be thinking of that already.'

'I can think about it, not sure when we'll be able to do anything about it though. I'm desperate to be inside you baby. I want to please you and make you happy.' I whisper in her ear, then kiss her cheek. 'I still can't even kiss you properly; I'm going to end up so frustrated.'

'We'll find a way to cope.' She says smiling and I pull her into my chest once more. Mom and dad come back after giving us some privacy. They are both smiling, happy to see us in each other's arms.

'Not too long darling, if you want to be home tomorrow you need to take it easy.' Mom says.

'OK mom, but I feel so good and my throats not as sore today. In fact I might even manage to eat some breakfast.' I say smiling at everyone. Christian was just walking through the door and he must have heard me because he pulls out his blackberry.

'Matts hungry, can you bring him some breakfast' he says and clicks off and then looks at me 'Should you be out of bed?'

'Good morning Christian, how lovely to see you on such a fine morning. It would be good to work out with you today.' I say cheekily. He looks at me and then the bed. 'OK, I'm going to get back into bed. Are you going to work soon?'

'Why, so that you can do as you please. I might move the office here today so that I can keep an eye on you.' He mutters, his eyes are dark.

'Darling.' Mom interrupts, obviously sensing a stand-off between us. 'Matt has been out of bed for five minutes, he's fine to do that now.' I sit on the bed and mom says quietly to Christian 'If you want him to stay with you this weekend you need to give him space, it's going to be difficult enough without you watching his every move.' I don't think I was meant to hear that but she looks at me concerned and then back at Christian.

'Sorry Matt, good morning. It's good to see you up and about but I'm afraid I'm too busy to work out with you today. I've got back to back meetings and one of my employees is trying to take advantage and claim he's sick.' He says smirking at me.

Taylor arrives with my breakfast and asks if I would like anything else. 'Please could you take Mr Grey to work, he is supposed to be very busy today but for some reason he has time to bother a sick employee.' Taylor's mouth twitches, he's trying so hard not to smile.

Christian laughs though saying 'Oh I think you'll be ready to work tomorrow. See you later little bro.' and he hugs me before leaving for work. Dad also leaves saying that he's due in court.

Mom gives me a hug 'Take it easy darling, I'm going home for a few hours but will be back to see you later. You can get out of bed but not for long and make sure someone is around.' I hug mom back and then she is gone. At last I'm alone with Hannah. She pulls the table round for me so that I can sit in bed and eat.

'Come and sit on the other side of the table, there's loads of food here. Will you eat with me?'

'I'd love to.' Hannah says grinning. We sit demolishing the food, after not eating for almost five days I am making up for lost time. When we finish and Hannah has tided the things so that they can be collected later we arrange the pillows so that I am propped up on the bed and Hannah comes and sits between my legs. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, her back to my chest. I kiss her head.

'Baby can I ask you something?' I murmur.

'Sure Matt.'

'When you saw my scar what did you feel?'

'To be honest Matt I didn't really look at it, I was too freaked out by the machines you were attached to.'

'Can I show you now? I was horrified when I saw it last night. You might feel the same.' I say and she turns to look at me. I pull my t-shirt up to my chin and she looks at my face before looking down at my chest. She touches me gently and runs her finger down the side of the scar before planting a kiss on my left nipple. 'You don't mind it?' I ask her quietly.

'No Matt, it doesn't change the person I fell in love with. Every time I see it I will thank god that you are still alive and will eventually be healthy.' She says as she settles back down with her back to my chest. I move a hand to her breast but she slaps my hand away. 'Not here, someone might walk in on us; we'll have the rest of the summer together. Matt can I ask you something now?'

'Sure baby.'

'Ana, Kate and Mia are planning a girl's night out for this evening and they've invited me to go as they say that you'll be fine here with Christian and Elliot. Would you let me go? I'll stay here if you prefer.' She asks.

'Of course you can go baby, just don't let them lead you astray. Though I can't imagine Ana getting up to anything as Christian is bound to know or he will find out'

'We will have security with us; apparently Christian won't let us out otherwise.'

'Good, I'm glad to hear that. Have a good time baby and enjoy yourself. Have you got enough money to go out, I think my wallet is in that bag, you can take my bank card if you want.'

'Matt, Christian transferred some money to my account. He said that you would worry otherwise as to how I was managing. He was a bit too generous though, I don't think I'll have to worry for at least a year about my bank balance and he also paid the bill for Dr Greene.'

'I told him to look after you before we left for the hospital on Sunday. You'll get used to having the money and it's easier to just accept gifts from Christian. Baby, I'm sorry but I'm tired already. Will you sit here a bit longer so I can hold you in my arms?'

'Let me get your ipad out, I can sit here with that whilst you sleep. It was a good surprise finding it with my bag last week and I loved your playlist.' She says getting up and going to her bag before getting comfortable again between my legs.

'I wanted to make you happy baby.' I say hugging her tightly and closing my eyes.

'You do, all the time.' She says as I fall asleep.

'


	54. Chapter 54-Temper

When I wake Hannah is curled up in a chair in the corner reading a book.

'Hi baby, what time is it? Did I sleep long?' I ask her. She smiles and comes over to hug and kiss me.

'Only a couple of hours, it's just after one. Taylor dropped off some lunch that Mrs Jones made. I'm sorry Matt but I didn't wait for you to eat though because I didn't know how long you would sleep.'

'That's ok; I'm a bit unpredictable at the moment. Did you save me some food? I'm hungry.'

'Of course. She sent loads. You've got…..'

'Let me guess, peppered turkey sub with salad and mayonnaise, fruit salad, chocolate cake and fruit juice.' I say grinning at her.

'Correct, you're so spoilt, not just by Mrs Jones but all your family. You do realise how much they all love you.'

'I know, I'm really lucky.'

'They're spoiling me as well, Mrs Jones made me a tuna salad, fruit salad and I got carrot cake. She certainly got to know what I like quickly. Your mom has been so good, explaining everything to me about what you can and can't do and making sure that I'm happy with everything before she leaves me alone with you. Ana, Kate and Mia have adopted me like I'm their little sister and are fussing over me the whole time. Elliot just makes me giggle lots when he's around.'

'And Christian?' I ask

'Hmmm, overprotective of me already.' She says smiling. I smirk at her knowing just what she means. 'He was giving Ana instructions about tonight. We had to let him know where we were going, what time we expected to be home. Ana asked if he owned the place where we're having cocktails and he said no but he was smirking at something, a bit like you do at times.'

'Where are you going?'

'The Zig Zag bar. I'd never heard of it before but the others were raving on about it. Do you know it?'

'Yes I've heard of it.' I say smirking, knowing why Christian was. He doesn't own it but I do.

'See you've got that smirk now.'

'I'm only doing it to tease you baby. Seriously you'll have a great time' I say before adding quietly 'Maybe one day we could go there together.' I pick up my sub and start eating.

'Would you rather I stayed here with you?' Hannah asks.

'No baby, I want you to go out and have a good time. You've spent the last two days in here with me and I've hardly been good company. When I've finished lunch will you come and sit with me again.' I ask and Hannah nods at me with a big grin on her face.

We are sat on the bed together Hannah once more between my legs, her back to my chest, my arms hugging her loosely round her stomach. I feel totally relaxed and happy, the best I've felt for a few days. I nibble her ear and whisper to her 'I'm desperate to be inside you baby.' The door opens, mom and Mia interrupt us. Hannah turns a bright red, she's totally embarrassed.

'Hi you two, what have you been up to?' Mia asks.

'I've just got back from the office and had a work out with Christian' I say sarcastically to her before shouting 'What the hell do you think I've been up to Mia?'

Mom and Mia stare at me and Hannah climbs off the bed. I eye them all warily before getting off the bed and heading to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I grip the side of the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Slowly I pull my t-shirt off and look at my chest again. I still can't get used to seeing it like this.

Mom is quizzing Hannah but I only hear parts 'How's he been today?'

'Good mostly, he's horrified about the scar and was worried about my reaction.' Hannah replies. I sink to the bathroom floor, resting my back against the cool wall. I draw my knees to my chest and the tears start to flow. Someone knocks on the door but I ignore them. A few minutes later they knock again.

'Matt, can I come in?' mom asks.

'No mom, I want to be alone.' I reply. I'm not sure how long I sit on the cold hard floor but I hear a commotion outside.

'Christian you can't just barge in there, he wants some privacy and we must respect that.' Mom says.

'Mom, Hannah called me. I told her to if she was worried about him, she obviously thinks it's something serious for her to call me at work because I never expected she would. If he's been in there for as long as it's taken me to get here he must be hurting and I told him a while ago that I'd always be there for him. I've let him down a few times but today I'm here because he needs me right now.' Christian says softly. The door opens and in he walks. I look at him through my tear stained eyes. He pops his head back round the door and says to mom and whoever else is left in the room 'Go and get coffee, I'll call you as soon as I can.'

He looks at me and there's no mistaking the love in his eyes. 'I'm sorry, you had meetings all day.' I say.

'I only had one left, it can be rearranged. You are more important than a meeting. Let me help you up and then you can get settled somewhere more comfortable.' He says. He gives me his hand and when I am back on my feet he gives me a quick brotherly hug and with an arm draped round my shoulder he leads me back to the bed.

'No' I say and Christian looks at me questionably 'Not the bed, I've had enough of it.' He turns me round and sits me on a chair by the window and then pulls up another chair opposite me. With a leg crossed across his knee and an elbow resting on it, he holds his chin and watches me. I stare back at him through guarded eyes.

'Do you want to talk?'

'I don't know.'

'Well that's a start, at least you're speaking.' He says smiling at me. 'What happened?'

'I was sat on the bed with Hannah and Mia came in asking what we'd been up to and I just exploded, I was so angry with her. I've been in this room and nowhere else for days and I've had someone babysitting me the whole time so haven't been up to anything.'

'I understand angry better than anyone.' He says calmly.

'I ended up slamming the door on the way into the bathroom and then took my t-shirt off to look at this.' I say pointing to me chest 'It looks so bad, I can't get used to looking at it without being horrified.'

'Matt, it's not that bad. It's because it's so new but when the stitches are out and it's healing properly it will fade.'

'That doesn't help me for now. I'm scared Hannah might leave me.' I whisper.

'Matt, she's besotted with you and totally in love. You're so lucky; you two have something really special. She might have freaked at first when she saw all the machines but she was just in shock. She would be here with you all the time if we didn't make her take a break or come back to Escala to sleep.'

'Really?'

'Yes really. You're just having doubts because you are stuck in here. Once you get out and things start returning back to normal you'll feel much better.'

'Thank you for looking after Hannah. I'll pay you back the money you transferred to her account and Dr Greene's bill.' I say.

'Don't insult me, it was no problem. I didn't want you to worry.'

'But Hannah said it was a huge amount and she wouldn't need to check her bank balance for the next year.'

'Matt, it was only twenty thousand dollars. I thought it would see her through a few weeks until you could help her. Mia would spend that in a week if I let her.'

'I know, but Hannah isn't used to having that much at her disposal. She's always had to work for what she's had.'

'She'll have to get used to it.'

'I haven't told her anything yet. She's knows about the house and that is it. I don't want to frighten her away and technically it's not mine yet.'

'Does dad give you an allowance out of it?'

'No not yet. I just get my weekly allowance from him, it's still fifty dollars. Luckily he doesn't make me stand in his study every Friday evening like he used to, I never did get the full amount each week.' I say grinning at him 'Was I really that bad, I heard Mia tell you how embarrassed she was by me at school.'

'You were just mischievous. You heard the conversations?'

'Only parts of some when I was regaining consciousness. Do you remember going in a helicopter with daddy, dad and me. Apparently it was the first time the four of us went together. You were in the front with daddy and I sat behind next to dad but I kept wriggling and then announced that I was getting out.'

'That was funny, you would never sit still or stand still, you were so cute then'

'And I'm not now?' I say pretending to be hurt.

'Hannah thinks so.' Christian says smirking at me. 'Why don't you go and shower, it might make you feel a bit better.'

'OK, thanks for coming to see me and chatting with me.'

'No problem little bro, anytime.' He says smiling again and as I stand he hugs me again.

I stand under the shower, the water hammering my head and my bad mood away. By the time I emerge I do feel better and smile that Christian was right again. I wrap the towel round me and go back into the room with the bed I've come to hate so much. Christian is sat in the chair still; he is on the phone but finishes the conversation when he sees me.

'Better?' he asks and I nod. 'I got you some fresh clothes out. I'll leave you to get dressed; you've got five minutes on your own, make the most of it.' He says grinning at me. I smile back at him and once he's out of the room I let the towel drop to the floor and dress. I drag on what he's left, jeans, shirt and converse. Again this feels better than the pyjama bottoms and t-shirt I seemed to have lived in for days. Christian is back exactly five minutes later.

'Ready?' he asks, 'I thought we could go and surprise the ladies and meet them for coffee.'

'Really, we can do that?' I say

'Yes, I've just checked with the doctor and it's fine as long as you take it easy. No running down the hospital corridors.' He smirks.

'OK, let's go 'I say smiling back at him. At the door I hesitate.

'What's the matter?' he asks.

'I've come to hate this room and now I'm nervous about leaving. I feel like everyone is going to be staring at me.'

'They won't know about your chest. They'll only be staring at you because you are with me.'

'Mr Arrogant.' I say cheekily and then leave the room with him. As we walk slowly towards the hospital coffee shop Christian keeps the conversation light hearted to keep me relaxed. Mom sees us straight away and is immediately on her feet.

'Darling boy' she says hugging me.

'I'm sorry mom for my behaviour earlier.' I say to her.

'Don't worry, it was just a wobble. You're bound to feel frustrated over the next few weeks; you've just got to learn to control that temper that has suddenly appeared.' She says smiling lovingly at me.

'Did I upset Mia and Hannah?' I ask.

'I think you just shocked them both, I don't think they have seen you angry before.'

'I'll go and apologise now.' I say and give her another hug and kiss her cheek. As I leave she stays where she is to talk to Christian. I see him take her in his arms; I think she's more worried about me than she's letting on.

I go to Mia first 'I'm really sorry Mia; I shouldn't have got angry with you earlier.' She stands and hugs me and I hug her back.

'Don't worry; it's good to see you somewhere other than that room. I was so excited earlier when I came to see you. I wanted you to be the first to know that I've enrolled at the university. I start next semester and am going to study history.'

'Oh wow Mia. I'm so proud of you.

'And it's because of you. After you talked to me yesterday I had a good long look at myself and thought that I needed to do something. I'll leave you alone with Hannah whilst I go and tell mom and Christian.' Mia says. As she leaves she gives me another hug and kiss.

I look at Hannah shyly and go and sit next to her. I take her hand in mine. 'I'm sorry for earlier baby, did I scare you?'

She nods at me and I don't know what else to say. Tears spring to my eyes. I've ruined everything. She won't want me anymore. I kiss her cheek and whisper 'I'm sorry' before I stand and move to leave. I start to walk.

'Matt.' I hear her say and I turn. She is crying 'Please don't leave me'

I can see mom, Christian and Mia watching us speculatively but I don't care. I go back to Hannah and as she stands I hug her. 'I thought I'd scared you away and you didn't want me.' I whisper.

'Oh Matt, no. I've never seen you angry like that before but you won't get rid of me that easily.' She says kissing my cheek and smiling at me.

'Will we be OK?' I ask her.

'Of course. It will be easier from tomorrow, we just need some alone time.'

'Hmmm, I'm desperate for alone time.' I whisper in her ear. She looks embarrassed again as my family are close and she glances at them.

Christian smirks at us 'I'd like to know what you're whispering to Hannah to make her blush like that.'

'Christian, don't embarrass them further.' Mom says.

'I want to swear at you but mom will get angry with me' I say to him.

'Matthew Grey I will be angry with you for just thinking about swearing.' Mom says with a smile to show she is joking.

'We need to make a move back to 'that room' as you call it, before the doctors start worrying that you've been gone too long.' Christian says.

I take Hannah's hand and we follow him, mom and Mia back. I walk slowly, trying to delay as much as possible. Hopefully I will be discharged tomorrow and then things can start returning to normal.


	55. Chapter 55-Drama

I walk back into the room still holding Hannah's hand. Mom and Mia are already sat in the two chairs by the window. Christian is on the phone, but is just finishing the conversation 'Thanks for letting me know Kate, I'll speak to my team and see if we can block it.' He says giving me a concerned look. Clicking off he immediately calls someone else.

'Ros, I've got a problem.' He says, everyone looks at him. 'The Seattle News has got hold of the story of Matt. Kate's done her best but is having no joy can you get someone on it to get it blocked. I'll do a trade off if necessary, they can have a picture and story of me and Ana but nothing on Matt.' She obviously says something and then he replies 'Ok, let me know, thanks Ros.'

I am gripping Hannah's hand tightly. Christian looks at me and then says 'Don't worry, Ros will sort this out.' he then pulls me to one side and says so no-one can hear 'Off the top of your head how much have you got in them.'

'I have forty five and you have forty.'

'Would you consolidate if need be?' he asks.

'Yes, whatever you're thinking of doing I trust you.' I say 'Will dad be OK with it?' He nods.

'What are you two whispering about?' Mia asks.

'Business.' Christian replies smiling tightly.

'Do you think it will be stopped?' Mom asks him.

'Yes, otherwise it will be one of their last publications.' He says.

'You can do that?' Mia asks in awe. Christian just shrugs not giving too much away.

Hannah is stood by the window staring out. I go and stand behind her and envelope her into a hug, kissing the top of her head.

'Is it always like this with your family?' Hannah asks.

'What?' I ask.

'All the drama, the press, the money.' She says quietly so it's just our conversation.

'No, not for me. I'm kept out of the spotlight. I've never been in the paper before and I don't know why they've picked up on this story. As for the money, I've not got much.' Hannah turns and looks at me in disbelief so I continue 'Apart from what Christian has paid me this summer I don't get given much cash. I've never really noticed before but things that I need just appear, I didn't have money to spend on stuff. I hardly ever get my weekly allowance because dad is so tough on me, if I do the slightest thing wrong he doesn't give it to me. I won't get this weeks because of my behaviour today.'

'I never realised how difficult it was being you. I always thought you had it easy and were spoilt but these last couple of weeks have been a real eye opener. You can't just go and do as you please without someone needing to know where you are and what you're doing the whole time. You're expected to behave in a certain way in case it gets picked up by the press. It's not even just your mom and dad on your back about your behaviour but your brothers as well. How do you manage?' Hannah asks.

I shrug 'I don't know, it's always been like that. When everyone at school organised stuff like bowling or ice skating I never went and people just thought I was being reclusive including you. The truth was I never had the money to go, I came to the parties at the end of the year because I didn't have to pay anything.'

'Oh Matt, I'm sorry. Why didn't you ask your mom for the money or Christian?'

'Because after receiving a lecture from dad about my behaviour and that I wouldn't be getting my allowance I didn't feel I could then go to mom and ask her behind his back. With Christian I never asked because I didn't want to take advantage of the fact that he had money, he bought me stuff, the latest gear and a car and it was easier just to accept the gifts but I never asked him for anything, he just seemed to know what to buy for me. Mia was always really popular at school and would be at everything social, she was embarrassed by me because I was always alone.'

'I feel awful, I've sat next to you since we were five and I still never realised, you've kept all this well hidden. So if I spent lunchtimes with the girls you would be alone.' She says and I nod. 'What about Jonty?'

'You know what he's like; even though we're close he's always been popular as well. Everyone knows he's got money and would latch onto him to try and get in his group. I was always wary about people trying to be friendly with me because of Christian, he only had to turn up to collect me and all the girls and moms would try and get his attention. I do go out with Jonty occasionally still but he's like Elliot used to be with the girls and has someone different each week.'

'I can understand you being wary, everyone really wanted to be friends with you, all the girls were desperate for you to acknowledge them. If you smiled at one of them they would talk of nothing else thinking you might like them. Has school been tough for you?'

'Yes, that's why I just work hard but then I would get bored waiting for everyone to finish or catch up.'

'And you end up doing something mischievous.' She says.

'I just can't help it.' I say grinning at her. I give her another hug. I'm starting to tire again, I go and sit down in the chair that Mia has vacated, she is talking to Christian. Hannah goes to talk to them whilst I speak with mom.

'Darling boy are you OK?' mom asks

'Yes mom.'

'What about you and Hannah?'

'We'll be fine mom. I think we just need some alone time away from this place.' I say.

'Remember no kissing for at least another two weeks. Hannah has had a blood test and is clear and you will need some more blood tests over the next few weeks. You also won't be able to do much else either for a week or so.'

'Mom.'

'I'm just saying, don't be embarrassed. You'll have to ask the doctor more when you get discharged.'

'I think I'll just take your word for it.' I say quietly, not really wanting to talk with mom or anyone else about sex.

'I'll get Christian to ask them if you like.' She says and I must look horrified. 'Matt, I won't be here when they discharge you.'

'Why?' I ask just as dad arrives. He comes and kisses mom straight away and she gets up to hug him. He whispers something in her ear and she shakes her head, giving me a concerned look. I stand and move to chat with Christian so that mom and dad can talk in privacy.

'Ros has dealt with the Seattle News.' Christian says.

'Already, that was quick. Do they want a story about you and Ana?' I ask.

'No, Ros sorted it out without having to mention a trade-off. She can be formidable when she wants to be, I wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of her.' He says grinning.

'Thanks Christian for offering a story about you and Ana.' I say.

'No problem, you don't need this hassle whilst you're still at school. From what Mia told me you find school difficult enough as it is.' He says sympathetically. I just shrug.

Mia and Hannah interrupt us 'Do you mind if we go to Escala now and start getting ready to go out?' Mia asks.

'Yes that's fine Mia. Remember best behaviour tonight, no leading Hannah astray. I've already given instructions to Ana. Security will be with you all evening so don't try and lose them.' Christian says to her as I hug Hannah.

'Bye baby, have a good time tonight. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you.' I whisper to her.

'I love you too Matt. I can't wait for tomorrow, don't do anything that will affect your discharge.' Hannah says smiling.

'Christian can you see the girls out, your mom will walk with you. I just want a word with Matt.' Dad says in a way that he just expects Christian to do as he says. I gulp, here comes the lecture. Hannah looks at me with concern.

'Go, I'll be OK. Enjoy yourself. I'll text you.' I say before giving her a final hug. Mia gives me a hug and tells me she'll look after Hannah. Mom also comes and gives me a quick hug. It's just me and dad left in the room. I go and sit down in one of the chairs and dad sits opposite me.

'Matt, how are you feeling?' he asks.

'Tired.'

'What happened this afternoon, mom said you had a bit of a wobble.'

'I got angry and frustrated' I say, I'd rather he just lectured me and got this over with.

'So because you're angry it makes it ok to upset mom, Mia and Hannah.' I just shrug at him 'Matt, I'm taking mom away tonight for a few days. She didn't want to go because of this afternoon; she's worried about you and wanted to wait until you were settled at Escala. I think she could do with the break though. After last Friday with Christian's helicopter, the party on Saturday and then what happened with you on Sunday she needs to go and relax somewhere and have time to herself.' he says gently ,I look at him not really taking in what he's telling me. I just want to close my eyes and then it will all go away. 'Matt are you listening to me?' I nod. 'So you understand that mom and I are going away for a few days.'

'Yes.' I say to keep him happy. I shut my eyes now.

''Matt, this is why mom is worried and stressed out. You only seem to listen to what you want to hear at the moment and then if you don't like it you have a tantrum. I know it's not easy stuck in here but you still have to consider other people's feelings and can't get away with shouting at them and slamming doors.' He says loudly in lecture mode, I knew he'd get there in the end.

'Have you finished?' I ask.

'Matthew.' He says almost shocked, I think he's trying not to get angry with me. 'I'm going now; your mom will be waiting at the car for me. We'll see you at home on Sunday.'

'Fine.' I say and keep my eyes closed. I'm alone in the room again for only the second time. I can feel myself drifting to sleep but I am uncomfortable in the chair and stand to move to the bed. As I walk across the room I feel light headed and dizzy, I remember mom's words and sink to the floor, sitting with my head between my knees. Someone will be with me soon.

'Matt.' Christian says kneeling next to me 'What happened, did you get dizzy?' I nod at him. 'Let me help you to the bed.' He says and helps me up effortlessly. I lie with my head on the cool pillows, my eyes closed; it feels good to be lying down again.

'What happened with dad? He was angry by the time he got to the car and just told mom to get in.' I shrug. 'I can't believe he left you on your own, he should have waited until I got back.' I open my eyes. He gives me a concerned look and then says 'Matt, have you got any words.' I shake my head. He rakes his fingers through his hair; he doesn't know what to do. 'Shit Matt, you need to help me here. Was it that bad with dad?' I shake my head 'Please tell me, what's made you like this?'

I look at him with wide eyes and whisper 'Mom didn't say goodbye, I didn't get to hug her goodbye. She just left me' one tear rolls down my cheek and I close my eyes so that there are no more. I want to sleep now and I don't care when I wake up. Christian must have taken his phone out of his pocket and I hear him on it now.

'How far have you driven?' 'Do you think you can convince dad to turn back?' 'Matt had a dizzy turn when dad left him on his own.' 'He has no words because he wanted to say goodbye to you.' 'He thinks you just left him.'

I open my eyes and watch him, he looks at me concerned. 'I'll speak.' I say looking at the phone which he hands to me. 'Mom.'

'Darling I'm sorry.'

'Don't worry mom, I'll be fine. Have a good weekend.'

'We'll turn back and I'll come and see you.' Mom says gently.

'No mom, I'll cope. Please tell dad I'm sorry I didn't mean to make him angry I was just so tired and wanted to sleep. He was right I wasn't really listening to what he was saying and I didn't realise you were leaving straight away.'

'Oh darling.' She says and I hear a catch in her voice.

'Mom, please don't get upset. I'll be OK with Christian here. I'll probably be asleep soon. Will I still be able to leave here tomorrow even though I went dizzy?' I ask dreading what her answer might be.

'Yes, you've probably just done too much this afternoon. It will happen even when you get home.' She says, as I sigh with relief.

'OK mom, I love you and tell dad I love him.'

'We both love you too darling. Please take care; we'll see you on Sunday.'

'Bye mom.' I say and give the phone back to Christian. I close my eyes as Christian finishes his conversation with mom, I hear him tell her that he'll call later and keep her updated with my progress and then he says goodbye. I open an eye and look at him.

'Are you angry with me?' I ask him.

'No, why would I be?' he asks and is obviously concerned.

'I don't know, I just seem to be good at making people angry at the moment. I'm tired now and need to sleep but want to get changed out of these clothes.' I say sitting up.

'I'm not leaving you alone, you can go in the bathroom to change but don't lock the door.' He says getting me stuff to change into. When I'm finished in the bathroom Christian is waiting to help me back to bed.

'I can manage.' I say.

'I want to help.' he says 'We all want you home tomorrow so I'm not taking any risks.' He adds in his over protective way.

I smile at 'I want to be home too. My ipad and laptop are in that bag if you want to use them whilst I'm asleep.'

'Thanks, I'll get Taylor to bring some food in a couple of hours' time, will it be OK to wake you so that you eat.'

'Yes that would be good, is Elliot coming to visit later as well?'

'Yes he is, I'll call him whilst you sleep so that we can all eat together. Get into bed now.' He says bossy as ever but I do as I'm told and am soon asleep exhausted from the afternoon.

'


	56. Chapter 56-Understanding

'Matt, wake up' Christian says as he gently shakes me. I open my eyes and look at him with bewilderment. 'Hey, little bro, it's time to wake up.'

'Already, I've just fallen asleep.' I say sleepily.

'You've had just over two hours' he says 'The doctor wants to come and check on you.' He adds and goes to the door. A doctor and nurse come in straight away. They do all the usual checks, pulse, blood pressure, temperature. They check my scar and feel my back; it's not as tender as it was.

'When you get out of here you'll still need to take it easy. You can swim gently from Friday but that is the only exercise for now. We'll need you back here next Monday to check you out and for blood tests. If you get any pain in your chest, shoulder or stomach you need to come back immediately. Have you got any questions?' the doctor asks me and looks at Christian as well.

'No' I say and Christian shakes his head.

'OK, you're good to go.' The doctor says smiling at me.

'What now?' I ask.

'Yes, you might as well go now. Remember though, don't try and do too much.'

'Thank you.' I say. Christian also thanks him for everything and shakes his hand. The doctor leaves and I climb off the bed.

'Did you arrange this?' I ask Christian.

'Yes, I thought it would be easier to leave tonight before the press try and get hold of any more information. The girls have already gone out so there won't be any fussing at home. Elliot has taken all your stuff in his car and gone to Escala, there's just these clothes left for you to change into.' Christian says.

'Thanks Christian' I say giving him a quick hug before quickly changing in front of him into my jeans, shirt and converse from earlier. 'I'm ready, let's go.'

'That was quick, are you desperate to be somewhere.'

'Yes, anywhere but here.' I say with a grin.

'Come on then, I've parked in mom's space so it's not too far to walk. Don't text Hannah, the girls have no idea and I'd rather keep it that way so that they enjoy their night out otherwise they'll only come back early and ruin our boys night in.' he says smiling at me.

I go to grab the small backpack that I've just stuffed my t-shirt and pyjama bottoms in but Christian takes it off me. I look at him and he smirks at me.

'It's not heavy; will you let me do anything?' I ask him.

'Soon, but not on the way out of hospital.' He says as we leave the room. We thank the doctor and nurses again on the way out and then we are in the fresh air. I breathe deeply; glad to be outside in the cool evening air. I climb into the front passenger seat and fasten the seat belt, closing my eyes. Christian climbs into the driver's seat; I open an eye to look at him. He's staring at me intently as I knew he would be.

'Matt, are you OK? Are you happy I've done the right thing in getting you out early?'

'Yes, I want to be in a proper bed to sleep. I want to feel normal again. I was getting frustrated with everything in that room.'

'You will tell me straight away though if you feel the slightest bit ill, I don't want any risks or the panic that there was last Sunday evening.'

'Yes I will tell you.' I say

'I mean it Matt, no risks with your health. We will swim together on Friday if you feel up to it.' He says as he pulls out of the parking lot.

'I probably won't.'

'Why?'

'Because I won't' I say sullenly. He doesn't push it any further and he puts some music on to fill the silence. It's not long before we are pulling into the underground car park at Escala. I open my door as Christian switches the engine off and climb out. Heading towards the elevator Christian catches up with me and presses the button, and we both enter in silence. As the elevator ascends he looks at me.

'Elliot is cooking something to eat.' He smirks at me.

'Is that wise?' I say grinning back at him, 'Mrs Jones will have a fit when she sees the kitchen. Even if we try and clean up after him it won't be to her standard.' Elliot is a great cook, we'll be eating well but the kitchen will have descended into chaos, every pan and utensil will have been used and he certainly won't have cleaned whilst he worked.

'He'll be happy; it will have kept him occupied.' Christian says as we exit the elevator. As soon as he opens the door to the great room I can see the mess that we predicted, however dinner smells good and I'm looking forward to the chicken curry he has made.

'Hey little bro, great to see you.' Elliot says coming over and giving me a hug. 'Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.' He adds as he goes back to the kitchen.

''I'm going to have a quick shower; I'll put this backpack in your room.' Christian says.

I stand in the middle of the Great room, at a loss as what to do. Eventually I go and settle on the piano stool and get lost in the sad tune that I play. I feel Christian's presence at my shoulder and shift up to make room for him. As he sits next to me he gives me a questioning look. I start to play something more upbeat and he grins before joining me.

'Better?' he asks. I nod. 'Let's go and eat.' He says placing an affectionate arm around my shoulder.

Elliot has done a great job on dinner, just not on the kitchen.

'Has Kate not taught you to clean up after yourself yet?' Christian asks Elliot.

'No, and she can't cook either so if she ever moves in with me I think I'll need a housekeeper rather than just a cleaner.' Elliot says smiling.

'Oh, so it's getting serious between the pair of you.' Christian says.

''Yes, more serious than I've ever been with anyone else.' Elliot says. Christian looks at me and smiles and I grin back at him. Elliot adds 'What are you to smiling about, just because I messed about in the past doesn't mean I was never going to settle down. I think she is the one.' Wow I think he might be finally in love. The conversation moves on and we talk about the Mariners.

'We haven't been to a game for a while, shall we go to one soon, we could ask dad as well. The girls are going to be busy over the next few weeks sorting out the wedding so it will give us some time together.' Christian says. His blackberry vibrates and as he checks it he frowns before replying.

'Ana?' I ask him.

'No Sawyer. They're in the bar having cocktails but Mia is trying to persuade them all to go clubbing. I knew our darling sister would be a bad influence.' Christian replies. 'I've replied to tell Sawyer no but I'll let Ana know as well.'

'OK, was my phone in my bag?' I ask him.

'Yes, I'll go and get it for you as I need to call Welch.' He says rising from the table. I start clearing the plates up.

'Leave them' Elliot says 'I wonder why he needs to speak to Welch now. I'll text Kate and make sure everything is OK.'

'Thanks for dinner Elliot. It was good.' I say.

'No worries, shall we go and thrash Christian on the Xbox; you know how it annoys him how we can play and he can't.' he says smiling at me. I grin back at him as Christian appears with my phone.

'What are you two planning?' Christian asks.

'Xbox' Elliot replies smirking at him.

Christian groans before replying 'Only if I get to choose the game.'

'That's fine' I say whilst reading my texts that have started coming through. There's quite a few as I haven't had it switched on for days. 'Oh, I think Hannah is mad with me. When we went out for pizza a last week I told her that Sawyer was our driver and of course tonight she finds out he's security. I think I'll just ignore it, she won't think I have my phone switched on.'

'By the time she's had a few cocktails she'll have forgotten and when she gets back here tonight she'll be just so happy to see you that she won't care.' Elliot says as we walk into the TV room and he switches everything on. I settle myself on the sofa; Christian and Elliot are either side of me. They have chosen a car racing game that I'm not overly fussed about and I'm trailing way behind after the first race.

'Come on bro, you need to pick it up or Christian will beat you.' Elliot says.

'I might just watch you two battle it out, I'm not in the mood for this game tonight.' I say.

'OK, we'll have one more race and then switch to something you like.' Elliot says.

'I don't mind watching, it's actually amusing seeing you two fight it out.' I say.

'Only because I might actually win today because you two aren't trying to push me off the track.' Christian says. They start the race and I watch for as long as I can before closing my eyes. My brothers are in a jovial mood and are teasing each other as they play. I drift in and out of sleep. Elliot and Christian have obviously left me to it and continued with their games and have started drinking beer as well now, the bottles lined up on the coffee table. Christian's phone vibrates; he has had plenty of texts tonight. I think they are all from Sawyer keeping him updated with events from the girls.

'The girls are still having cocktails but have finally ordered some food. Are you and Kate staying here tonight? I dread to think what state they will be in and I'd rather Mia stayed either here or with you instead of returning to Bellevue on her own.' Christian says.

'I'll probably head home with Kate; we'll take Mia with us. Will Sawyer drop us off and I'll collect the car tomorrow?' Elliot asks.

'Yes he will. I need to speak with Ana about what happened earlier with Hannah and her ex.' Christian says.

'Is that why you needed to speak to Welch?' Elliot asks.

'Yes, they had trouble with him last week and Matt punched him. Luckily he's not going back to school with them next semester. He's been offered a football scholarship. I think I'll send Taylor to visit him and warn him off though.' Christian says.

'What happened?' I ask.

'You heard, I thought you were asleep. Sorry Matt, I didn't want you to know.' Christian says.

'What happened with that fucker?' I say angrily.

'He was in the bar but the four of them hadn't noticed him and when Hannah went to the restrooms he followed her and made a pass at her. Sawyer caught him trying to kiss her but she was trying to push him away.' Christian says 'I'm sorry Matt.'

'I'll fucking kill him. I thought he would have learnt to stay away after last time.' I say and grab my phone.

'Matt, stay calm. Who are you phoning?' Elliot asks looking at Christian with a worried look.

'Hannah, I want her back here now. She was angry earlier with me because I didn't tell her the truth about Sawyer but I'm so angry with her now, she didn't tell me this had happened. Did she think I wouldn't find out?' I snap. Christian takes the phone out of my hand.

'Calm down. Hannah was upset. The others have sorted her out and they are having a good time. They are just going to have something to eat and then will be coming home. Sawyer made sure Jordan left the bar so he won't bother them again tonight and Taylor will see him tomorrow. It's not Hannah's fault.' Christian says.

'No it's mine. I shouldn't have said she could go.' I say

'Matt, stop. This isn't like you.' Christian says.

'No but it's like you Christian. You would have said and done the same had it been Ana.' Elliot pipes up.

'Too right, if anyone had done that to Ana I'd be so mad.' Christian says.

'You're both cross now.' Elliot says. We stop and look at him knowing that he's right.

I stand and walk out of the TV room as they continue the conversation but I'm not listening. In my ensuite I strip off and stand under the shower, the water hammering my head. It doesn't make me feel any better. After drying I sit in the chair in the corner of the room, my elbows resting on my knees and my head in my hands. This is how Christian finds me.

'Hey, are you still angry?' he asks.

'No' I say looking at him warily. 'Why didn't she tell me?'

'Because she thinks you're still in hospital and she won't want to worry you.' Christian says gently.

'Her stuff isn't in this room; does she still want to be with me?' I ask.

'Matt she is desperately in love with you. Stop having doubts. She's been in one of the guest rooms upstairs. This room is yours and it's up to you if you want her to share it with you. I didn't want to make that decision for you.'

'Thank you.' I say.

'You're welcome. I think you need to exercise so that you can rid of some of this anger.' He says gently.

'I can't right now.' I mutter.

'I know, but on Friday you can.'

'No.' I say and look at him with wide eyes.

'You're scared' he says and I nod. 'I'll be with you'

'No, I can't.' I whisper.

'The scar?' he asks. I nod. 'Matt, we'll go when everyone is at work, the pool will be empty. Once you've been once it will be easier the second time.'

'People will stare.' I say quietly.

'No they won't.' He says forcefully causing me to look at him. 'I know where you're coming from, I thought that with mine.' I look at him questionably and he takes his t-shirt off. 'See I do know.'

'I never notice them, they've always been here' I whisper.

'That's why I understand.' He whispers back and puts his t-shirt back on. 'We'll get through this together and we'll swim on Friday'

'OK I'll swim with you.' I say.

'Good, let's go and see what chaos Elliot is causing now, a few beers and he's decided to clean the kitchen.' He says and as I stand he gives me a hug. 'Remember I'm here for you.'

'Thanks Christian.' I say as we wander back into the Great room. Elliot has done quite a good job; he's loaded everything into the dishwasher and wiped all the surfaces so at least Mrs Jones will be a bit happier in the morning. Elliot hands Christian another beer and looks at me but I shake my head. I help myself to some fruit juice from the fridge.

'Christian have you got any ice cream?' I ask.

'There's probably some in the freezer somewhere but I'm not sure if it's vanilla.' He says, no sign of the teasing that might have been there a week ago. I open the freezer and only find a cookie dough one but it will have to do. 'Is your throat sore? Christian asks, I nod. 'What about the rest of you?'

'Everything's fine, it's just my throat. This will help.' I say taking the carton and sitting on a bar stool at the breakfast bar. 'What time are the girls due home?'

'They planned about eleven so just over an hour. They've just finished eating and are having one last drink.' Christian says. 'Are you tired?'

'Yes, but I want to see Hannah.' I say.

'Matt, you know you'll have to stay calm and not get cross with Hannah.' Christian says and Elliot nods. 'It wasn't her fault.'

'I know' I say quietly.

'Would it be better if you went to bed and saw her in the morning or we'll send her in to see you. The girls are going to be loud and will be over excited when they get here and realise we're here and you're home. They will end up fussing over you.' Elliot says.

'Yes that's a good idea, I'll go to bed now, Hannah can come and wake me up. Thanks for tonight both of you.' I say as I stand and take the ice cream carton to put in the trash. They head for the big comfy sofas as I go to my room and bed.

I'm woken by Christian shouting at someone, I think it's Ana. 'What the fuck happened earlier tonight? How come she was on her own going to the restrooms? She needs protecting. If that had happened to you I'd have been so fucking angry and I'd have dragged you back here straight away. I managed to calm Matt down but he was upset and he doesn't need this right now.'

Hannah hasn't been in to see me so I pull some sweat pants on and go into the Great room. As I'm leaving my room Ana is going into her and Christian's room but she doesn't see me, I think she's in tears. Christian is stood by the piano, pulling his fingers through his hair.

'You told me to stay calm.' I say.

'Sorry did I wake you.' He asks.

'Yes, and you've upset Ana, she's gone into your room in tears. Christian you told me it wasn't Hannah's fault so how can you blame Ana. It was just one of those things, it was a coincidence that Jordan was in the bar and he hassled Hannah but luckily Sawyer was there to deal with him. We can't blame the girls, please don't be angry after everyone has had a good evening. Go and find Ana and make sure she is ok, please.' I say.

'OK, and I'm sorry for waking you. Hannah came to see you but she didn't want to wake you. I think she was scared you might be angry when she found out you knew about tonight. She's in the guest room upstairs at the far end on the left.' He says.

'I'll go and find her; I want to make sure she's OK. I might stay up there tonight. It will give you and Ana some space; you don't want me in the room next door.' I say grinning at him.

'You're getting cheeky again. Go and find her but remember to take it easy.' He says smirking.

'I won't be doing anything, mom gave me a lecture and I have to wait a week.'

'Oh, so no kissing, no sex and no working out. Jeez Matt your life is tough at the moment.'

'I know, but just think how good it's going to be from next week and it will only get better.' I say grinning and then head off to find my girl, leaving Christian going to his room.

I climb the stairs and make my way into the guest room that Hannah has been using. Pushing open the door I can hear that she is in the shower so I go to the bed. When she comes out I grin at her.

'Hi Baby, it's good to see you.' I say smiling at her.

'Matt' she says and launches herself onto the bed next to me. 'I've missed having you around'

'I've missed being around baby.' I say pulling her towards me and hugging her. 'I am so desperate to kiss you properly.' I say and kiss her neck and then move down to her breasts. She groans.

'Matt, I'm desperate for you to kiss me as well but I've had the lectures and we can't do anything at the moment.'

'I know baby, I'm going to be so frustrated.' I whisper as I slip a finger inside her 'You're so ready.'

'I know, but you can stop now, we're not doing anything until both of us can. Let's just cuddle up together and sleep tonight. It will just be good to lie together and have you next to me.'

'OK baby, I love you.' I say rolling her over so that her back is to my chest.

'I love you to, and I'm so happy to have you here now.' She says.

'Sleep' I murmur, kissing the back of her head as I close my eyes.


	57. Chapter 57-Hurt

When I wake it's still early. I leave Hannah to sleep and head downstairs. No-one else is up yet so I go to Christian's study and switch on his computer. I log into my office account and am soon lost in my work; it feels so good to be doing something normal again.

'What are you doing?' Christian demands, making me jump. I didn't hear him enter the study.

'Working.' I say stalling for time, he looks angry.

'How long have you been here?'

'A couple of hours.'

'Jeez Matt, you're supposed to be taking it easy.' He says, though he's trying not to shout.

'I am. I'm sat in a chair looking at a screen, it's hardly demanding. I feel good today and if I was going to do too much I'd have gone into the office when I woke up but I didn't know where you'd put the keys to the Saab.' I say looking at him, willing him to argue with me. He stares back, I'm sure he wants to push it further but he hesitates.

'Have you eaten?' he says, changing the subject.

'No not yet, I was waiting for Mrs Jones. I thought I might be pushing it too far if I started making breakfast for everyone.' I say and he smiles at me, I've won him over. 'The transport business has been turned around and is starting to make a profit, not huge but at least it's heading in the right direction.'

'Good. What else have you found out?' he asks.

'That you gave the Black Widow the businesses. Why didn't you sell them?' I ask quietly.

'Will you stop calling her that, Elena is a friend.'

'Even after what she did?' I whisper. And stare at him with wide eyes.

'She helped me.'

'Fuck Christian she hurt me and she hurt mom and probably Ana too if it made her throw a drink over that evil woman. I'm still hurting from Saturday night and what she said and did to me but I've been trying to forget so that I don't hurt mom. Does she mean more to you than the three of us? I think you need to sort your fucking priorities out. Oh maybe you have and she was your first fuck so she will always be at the top of your list.' I shout angrily. I stand and walk out of the study, slamming the door behind me and leaving him staring open mouthed. I head to my room and go and stand under the shower to try and calm down. The water hammers my head but I don't feel any better. I get out and get dry, dress and make my way back out into the Great Room. Christian is sat with Ana at the breakfast bar. They have just finished eating.

'Morning Ana' I say cheerfully giving Christian a cool stare.

'Morning Matt.' Ana says and gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek as she climbs down from her stool. 'It's so good to see you. I'm just leaving for work but will see you tonight.'

'OK, have a good day.' I say smiling at her. I sit on the stool that she's vacated next to Christian.

'I'll see you to the elevator.' Christian says to Ana as he stands up. She looks at him questionably and then at me. I shrug at her as Christian has already walked across the room. She looks at me sympathetically and then turns to follow him.

'Would you like some breakfast Matthew?' Mrs Jones asks.

'No thank you Mrs Jones. Could I just have some juice please?' I ask.

'Of course. It's lovely to see you.' She says placing the glass of juice in front of me.

'Thank you.' I say smiling at her. Christian walks back into the room but disappears into his study. My head must drop and Mrs Jones notices.

'Are you OK Matthew?' she asks.

'My throat hurts and I'm tired. I think I'll go back to bed. I was up early this morning.' I say quietly before getting up from the stool. She nods and smiles at me, she must know that something has happened between me and Christian but doesn't want to overstep the mark. As I pass his study door I pause, he's on the phone.

'Andrea, I know I wasn't due in until this afternoon but I'll be there in an hour. Can you see if Claude is free this morning?' 'OK, call me back.' As he finishes the call he looks at me warily so I enter his study.

'Can we talk?' I ask.

'What about?' he replies sulkily.

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did earlier.' I say quietly, and look at him warily. He looks at me intensely and shakes his head. He doesn't say anything and I don't know what else to say to him. I'm hurting and he's sulking. 'I am sorry' I whisper as I turn and walk away. I go to my room and sit in the chair, I am tired but do not want to sleep. I feel trapped, Christian could sulk for days and I don't want to be here if he's not talking to me. I stare out of the window and lose myself in my thoughts. I must fall asleep as someone is shaking me awake.

'Matthew, you should be in bed.' Mrs Jones says 'Hannah came to see you but she didn't want to disturb you. I've just made her breakfast. Come on get into bed and I'll send her in when she's finished eating.'

'Christian' I say.

'He's gone to work. Did you two fight again?' she asks.

'Yes, I got angry and said something I shouldn't have done and he's sulking.' I say.

She smiles at me affectionately 'He'll come round soon, he was so excited yesterday about you coming out of hospital. He couldn't wait for you to come here.'

'Really, I feel like I want to go home. I don't think he wants me here now.' I whisper.

'Don't get upset by it and you're not going anywhere when you need looking after. Get into bed and I'll be back in five minutes. I'll go and get your medication and some more juice.'

'Thanks Mrs J.' I say smiling cheekily at her.

'That's more like it; I like your cheeky smile.' She says and leaves so that I can get into bed. As soon as she returns I take my pills and then fall asleep.

I'm not sure how long I've slept for but when I wake Hannah is laid next to me on the bed reading a book.

'Hi sleepy head.' She says smiling at me and kissing the top of my head.

'Did I sleep long? What time is it?' I ask her.

'It's four o'clock. You've slept all day.' She says.

'I'm sorry baby. I wanted to spend time with you today.' I say.

'Don't worry. I've been busy. I did some drawing and then went shopping as Mrs Jones was here. I got some more art stuff and new clothes. Mrs Jones had promised to call me as soon as you woke up.'

'That's OK, baby. I don't feel as guilty now. I suppose I'd better get up now.'

'No, you can stay in bed if you prefer. No-one's going to say anything if you do. We were all pleased when we came back last night and you were here. Elliot came earlier to collect his car and Mia was with him, she's cross that you're always asleep when she comes to see you.'

'Did you see Christian this morning?'

'Yes, he said that he was going to pick Ana up from work tonight and they will probably eat out so we can just eat when we want and don't have to wait for them.'

'Did he say anything else?' I ask.

'No, he was just going to work. He just said to have a good day and to look after his little bro.' she says. I close my eyes again. 'Are you going back to sleep already?' Hannah asks.

'No, I'll get up. I need something to drink.'

'What about food, you haven't eaten since last night. Mrs Jones is worrying about you.'

'I'm not hungry.' I say as I climb out of bed and head to the bathroom. When I come back into the bedroom Hannah has gone. I go to the kitchen and help myself to juice before settling at the piano. I begin to play. As I finish I notice Hannah is sat on the sofa listening.

'Matt, that was beautiful.' She says, I look at her shyly. 'I knew you could play but when you sang as well it blew me away. Why have I never heard you before? You could easily win all those competitions they do at school on the talent nights.'

'I'd rather people didn't know.'

'But Matt it was amazing, did you sing it for me? She asks, I nod. 'Wow, A Kiss from a Rose' she smiles and comes to kiss my cheek 'Thank you, it was really special'

'You're welcome baby' I whisper.

'How did you get this good when you haven't done a music class at school since second grade because you played up so much that the poor music teacher was traumatised by you being so out of tune so you always stayed behind in class and did other work.'

'I got found out that day, I think mom was called to the principal's office and when it was mentioned about how bad I was at music mom was shocked. She knew how well I could play the piano already. I was also pretty decent at the trumpet and French horn even at the age of eight. I just seemed to be able to pick up an instrument and play. Though the last couple of years I've only played the piano. It was decided I'd be better doing other work that would stretch me without it being noticed by the rest of the class.' I say, smiling at her. 'Was the teacher better after I was chucked out?'

'Yes. Was your mom cross?'

'At first she was, but when I told her that the teacher was trying to explain the difference between a B and C and what a note was she was OK and realised it was a waste of time. Sometimes when you all went to the music room I would play the piano for whoever our teacher was at the time so they knew that I could play and was improving.'

'There's so much I don't know about you.' She says and I kiss her cheek. 'Are you hungry yet?'

'Yes, let's go and see what we can find in the fridge.'

'Mrs Jones is still around somewhere, she will cook for us.' Hannah says as Mrs Jones appears.

'Are you two ready for food now?' Mrs Jones asks.

'Yes please Mrs J. Have you got any of my favourite?' I ask cheekily.

'Of course, I made some especially for you earlier to try and tempt you to eat something.' She says with a smile.

'Oh Mrs J you know how to spoil me.' I say and Hannah looks at me in surprise. 'What?' I ask her.

'Are you always this cheeky to Mrs Jones? If I was her I wouldn't cook anything you liked. Mrs J?' she asks.

'Mrs J loves it.' I say and smile at Mrs Jones again. 'I'm your favourite because I appreciate your food more than anyone else, aren't I?'

'You know I don't have favourites, though someone is my least favourite at the moment after the mess they made in the kitchen last night.' She says trying to be stern.

'That was Elliot, he made a curry. You should have seen the place before he tried to tidy up, you'd have been cross then.' I say but smile sweetly at her.

'I'm glad I didn't.' she adds 'Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.'

'OK, we'll go and watch TV.' I say and grab Hannah's hand pulling her towards the TV room. 'What do you want to watch' I ask her as I turn on the TV.

'Anything but sport.' She says, as I flick through the channels. 'Were you in a bad mood earlier with me?'

'No, when?' I ask.

'When you woke up. You went straight to the bathroom and didn't even hug and kiss me. I thought you were cross with me so took my book upstairs and then I came down and you were singing whilst you played.'

'I'm sorry baby, did I upset you' I say and she nods. I hug her and kiss her cheek. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.'

'It's ok.' She says 'Can I ask you something?' I nod. 'Why haven't you asked me about what happened last night?'

'Because I got angry last night but Elliot and Christian calmed me down and said it wasn't your fault. I didn't want you to think I was angry with you. Do you want to talk about it?'

'I'm not sure. I don't want to make you angry. He just appeared and as he tried to kiss me Sawyer pulled him away. I was a bit upset but the other three were really good with me and soon had me giggling again. If I'd known you were here I wouldn't have gone out.'

'I didn't know I was getting out last night. Christian had arranged for me to get out early, but said not to text so that you could still enjoy the night out and that I could enjoy being here with no fussing from everyone. I tried to stay awake to see you but was so tired. I feel like I've ruined our summer together especially now we can't go to California surfing.'

'Hey, don't worry. We'll still be spending time together. We could try and get away somewhere quiet just before we go back to school, just the two of us.' She says and smiles shyly at me.

'That would be cool. I know, let's both have a think where we'd like to go and we'll each write a list. We can see if any match and then we can spend tomorrow planning it. How does four places each sound?'

'That's a good idea; I'm going to start thinking now. How long shall we go for? A weekend, week?' Hannah asks.

'I don't care as long as we're together.' I say and kiss her cheek. 'By then I'll be able to kiss you properly and make love to you. I'm desperate to be inside you baby.' I whisper as I kiss her ear.

'Patience.' She says as I take her hand and place it on my erection. I pull her round so that she is sat on top of me. 'I know what your game is Matthew Grey and the answer is no. You've only been out of hospital a day, we have no condoms here and from next Tuesday we won't need any so you can wait.' She stands and grabs my hand 'Dinner will be ready soon and I don't want Mrs Jones catching us in a compromising position.' We wander back into the kitchen and sit at the breakfast bar.

'You two must have known it was ready, I was just coming to get you.' Mrs Jones says and she places our plates in front of us. 'I'll leave you to eat, there's ice cream for dessert. Christian left instructions before he went to work to get you some from your favourite ice cream shop.'

'Thank you Mrs J' I say and smile at her as she leaves us. As I reach for the ketchup bottle Hannah gives me a questioning look.

'What now?' I ask her smirking. 

'Ketchup with lasagne?' she asks.

'Yes, you should try it.' I say

'No thank you and you never normally have ketchup.'

'I know, but for some reason I always do with Mrs Jones lasagne.' I say as I start eating. When we've both finished Hannah tidies away the dishes as I get the ice cream carton out of the freezer.

'Do you want some?' I ask her showing her the carton.

'No I wouldn't deprive you of it, I'll have some fruit.' She says. 'Are you going to eat the whole tub?'

'Yes, there's another four in the freezer.' I say grinning. 'Let's go and watch TV whilst I eat it, I'll bring another spoon in case you change your mind.'

I've finished the ice cream and we're stretched out together on the sofa. Hannah is watching something on the TV whilst I lie with my eyes closed, my arms wrapped around her. I'm feeling totally relaxed and happy. I can sense that I am drifting off to sleep but don't really want to just yet.

'Matt, do you want to go to bed?' Hannah asks me.

'With you yes.' I reply.

'To sleep.' She says.

'No, I'm comfortable here.' I say and open my eyes to look at her. 'I've spent too long in bed the last few days. I'm happy here whilst you watch TV.' I close my eyes again and this time I do fall asleep.

When I wake the TV is off and someone has put a duvet over me. I can hear voices in the Great Room so go and investigate.

'At last Matt, it's great to see you.' Mia says coming to give me a hug.

'Hi Mia.' I say and look at everyone through my sleepy eyes. Elliot and Kate are also here, Ana is curled up with Christian on one sofa. Mia goes to sit back down next to Hannah. They've obviously been here a while as they've already got through a couple of bottles of wine. I feel totally out of place. I look at Christian; he stares back at me with narrowed eyes. I run my hand through my hair and then turn and head to my room. I don't want to join them.

I go into the bathroom, thinking I'll have a shower and then I don't have to socialise. I pull my t-shirt over my head and catch a glimpse of my scar, I'm getting used to it now. Everything goes fuzzy and darkness descends.

'Matt, Matt. Shit Matt. Christian I need help' Hannah screams. I can hear her but I can't see her.

'Fuck, what happened here?' Christian says.

'I followed him in and he must have fainted, he's hit his head. I think it needs to be stitched.' Hannah says.

'Taylor. Matt's bathroom. Get Gail to come with the first aid kit. Hannah go and sit with Ana and send Elliot in here.' Christian says gently. 'Elliot, grab me another towel. There's blood everywhere.'

'What happened?' Elliot asks.

'He hit his head when he fainted.' Christian says.

'I can see that, I meant what happened between you two? You looked at him as if you didn't want him here. No wonder he left the room. Jeez Christian what have you done now?' Elliot says.

'Nothing, he got angry with me this morning and said some stuff.' Christian says. 'Taylor, where's Gail?'

'I'm here; let me look at the cut.' Mrs Jones says. I feel her hands on my head; she's gently putting something on me. 'I think we need to get him to hospital, he not conscious.'

'No, not hospital. Please don't take me back.' I whisper.

'Matt, it's OK. You need to get this cut checked out.' Mrs Jones says.

'Please' I say. My eyes are coming back into focus. I can see Mrs Jones looking at me concerned. Taylor is searching the first aid kit for something; Elliot is kneeling next to me with a towel covered in blood in his hand. Christian looks at me as I look at him. I'm the first to turn away. 'OK, I'll go' I whisper. I might as well be there than here.

'Taylor, can you drive him? We've all been drinking.' Christian says. Taylor nods and leaves the bathroom.

'Are you going as well?' Elliot asks Christian.

'No' I say. 'I want to be on my own.'

'Matt, you can't go on your own.' Elliot says 'Mom would kill us if someone didn't go with you.' I shrug at him. Christian looks at me, then at Elliot and Mrs Jones. They both leave the bathroom so that Christian and I are alone.

'Matt.' He says. I keep my head down. 'Matt, please look at me.' I lift my head. 'Do you hate me?' he asks.

'No, you know I don't' I stare at him with wide eyes. 'I thought you didn't want me here after what I said this morning. I'm sorry. I was out of order. It's none of my business what you do with her. I'm still hurting though. I wanted to go home earlier but Mrs Jones wouldn't let me.'

'Please let me come to the hospital with you.' He says and then adds in a whisper 'You are my number one priority right now.'

I smile at him 'Even above Ana?'

'She's stronger than you at the moment but you need me.'

'OK, you can come. You might want a clean shirt though.' I say.

'I'll just put a jacket over. Come on, let me help you up. Do you want Hannah to come with us?' Christian asks.

'No, she'd be better here with Ana. Hopefully we won't be long but I want to say goodbye this time.' I say quietly. As we leave the bathroom Christian supports me as I walk, Elliot comes to my other side as soon as he sees us. He puts a clean t-shirt over my head, followed by a hoodie. As we go into the Great Room Hannah rushes over.

'Matt' she says.

'Baby, I'm OK.' I say as I hug her. 'Christian is taking me to the hospital to get the cut checked out. I want you to wait here with Ana. I won't be long.'

'OK, take your phone though and text me' she says handing it to me. I smile at her and kiss her forehead. 'I love you' she whispers so no-one can hear.

'I love you too baby' I whisper back as I give her a final hug. Everyone hugs me as we go to leave.

Come on Matt, let's go' Christian says 'Taylor is waiting out the front for us. Elliot, I'll call as soon as we know anything.'

'OK, I'm glad you've sorted out whatever happened between you earlier.' Elliot says as we head to the elevator.

I'm quiet as the elevator descends and cross the lobby area. Christian opens the car door and I climb into the back seat, he follows and sits next to me.

'Are you OK?' he asks.

'I'm scared' I whisper. 'I've only been out of that place for a day and I'm already going back. Have you called mom today?'

'Yes, I spoke to her this morning. I'll call her tomorrow now. There's no point in worrying her unnecessarily.' He says.

As we approach the entrance to the hospital Christian instructs Taylor to park in mom's parking space as it's close to the entrance that we need. The receptionist is different to last Sunday evening. She stares open mouthed at Christian before saying 'The doctor is on his way.' We don't even get to sit down before he appears and leads us through the corridors. He fires questions at Christian, who answers them as I follow in a daze. He leads us to a cubicle and I sit on the bed.

'Right Matthew, let me check you out. Hopefully you won't be with us long this time.' He says with a smile. As he checks out my wound a nurse hooks me up to a couple of machines to check my pulse and blood pressure. I close my eyes, I'm tired but I don't want to sleep here.

'Matt.' Christian says as he gently shakes my shoulder. I must have been asleep because I'm in a room similar to the one I left yesterday evening.

'Can we go now?' I ask him.

'They want to keep you here overnight. You've got slight concussion and they want to keep a check on you.' He says sympathetically.

'No, I don't want to be here. Please Christian; can you get me out of here?' I plead.

He looks at me uncertainly. 'Matt, it's only overnight. It's a precaution; remember we said no risks with your health. You need to stay here. I would take you back to Escala if I could but please Matt just put up with it for one night. You'll be out of here by lunchtime if everything is ok?'

'OK' I whisper and close my eyes.

'Shall I send Taylor to collect Hannah?' he asks.

'No, you can go home with Taylor. I'm going to sleep now.' I say without opening my eyes.

'Matt, someone needs to be with you.'

'Christian, I'll be asleep soon. They've hooked me back up to these drips that are probably pumping me full of drugs. I won't know if anyone is with me or not. Go home and make sure everyone is OK. Come back tomorrow and hopefully I'll be ready to leave.'

'I'll sit with you until you fall asleep. I love you little bro.' he says as I drift back to sleep.


	58. Chapter 58-Listening

I slowly drift back into consciousness and can hear Elliot and Christian talking.

'Jeez Christian, I can't believe you left him on his own.' Elliot says.

'He didn't want me here, he said that he'd be asleep and to go home and check that everyone was ok.'

'You should have just phoned or sent Taylor to collect someone. You should know better than anyone what he's like; he always puts everyone else first.' Elliot snaps.

'Elliot, he said he didn't want anyone. You'd have been better coming with him; it was me that he didn't want.'

'He wouldn't have wanted anyone else. I don't know what shit has been happening between the pair of you the last few weeks but you never used to argue with each other. He's always hero worshipped you and you could never put a foot wrong in his eyes. You've always doted on him and spoilt him rotten. It all started when he came to work for you, what has happened?' Elliot asks.

'I don't know. He's finally growing up and is having an opinion on things. He's started shouting back at me now and giving me what for.' Christian mumbles.

'Good, it's about time someone started telling you what they think instead of letting you get away with stuff.' Elliot says.

'Does he remind you of Simon?' Christian asks. I freeze.

'Yes he gets more and more like him every day. Though Simon never had the temper that he's developing, he's got that from hanging around with you. Up until a few weeks ago I would say the relationship that the two of you had was like the one you and Simon had. You hero worshipped him and he would do anything for you. I know Simon and Sue were like family to all of us but you and Simon had some special bond, even when Matt came along that didn't change. You totally lost it when they died, you went off the rails. I don't think mom and dad knew what to do with you.' Elliot says.

'I know. I still miss them. Sometimes I wonder what our lives would be like if they were still here and what would Matt be like if they'd brought him up?' Christian says quietly.

'He'd be stronger than he is, though he's finally getting there after all these years. He's one of the nicest people to have around and always puts everyone in the family above himself but he's been so insecure about everything especially if anything changes. He likes everything just to be the same. He always kept me amused by telling me what mischief he got up to at school, I think it was because I always made him giggle and he would tell me what he'd done to make me laugh.' Elliot says.

'So it's your fault that he did so much stuff. I didn't realise until I chatted with Mia and Hannah a couple of days ago what a tough time he's had at school. Even Hannah didn't realise how hard it's been for him and she's sat next to him most days since they were five. She didn't even know he was adopted. He kept everything to himself.' Christian mutters.

'Like you do.' Elliot says. 'You and Matt need to sort yourselves out and get back what you had. I know the three of us are close and it's great when we all hang out together but if he's going to end up working with you, you don't want to spoil the bond you have.'

'I know, I think it all started when you went away with Kate. I went to Georgia to see Ana and ended up flying back because of something that happened with him. I got so angry and told him that I didn't want him in my life anymore.'

'Fuck Christian. That will have hurt I'm surprised he's still talking to you.'

'He didn't for five days; in fact he had no words for three days. Luckily Mrs Jones made Taylor follow him and he caught up with him at Sea-tac, he was about to buy a ticket to either Miami or San Francisco. Taylor put him in a hotel until he was ready to go home to mom.' Christian says.

'Shit, that would have been when you both wouldn't answer my texts. Matt did reply before you and told me to enjoy the sun and not worry he'd just been busy. I had no idea. Mom would have been so upset if he'd gone anywhere.'

'I know, when dad found out he got so angry with him. I've never seen dad that angry before. Oh and whilst you were away you missed mom being angry with him.'

'She's never been angry with him though.'

'It was the night of the masked ball; she wouldn't even sit next to him. Apparently at one point she'd rearranged the whole seating plan so that he was on the other side of the room. I felt so sorry for him, when we got to the table mom hugged everyone apart from Matt, she even called him Matthew and then she ignored him throughout the meal. He tried to put a brave face on but you could tell he was distraught. He's now terrified of making mom angry again.'

'Bloody hell, how come I didn't know any of this. I thought I had it bad having Kate nagging me now and again but he's had it really bad and then to end up in hospital on Sunday. I feel guilty because we were teasing him in the afternoon about his love bites and he got upset then.' Elliot says.

'I know, he was having a shitty day as it was. What with being ill and Elena making a pass at him at the party…'

'Fuck Christian how come I've missed all this. That evil bitch, I've never liked her. Poor Matt, jeez Christian we've got a lot of making up to do with him, you especially. Earlier at Escala when he woke up and came in the room he was looking at you and wanting you to smile at him and the look you gave him back probably made him think you hated him. It's no wonder he fled to the bathroom. What did you do to make him so angry and what did he say to you?' Elliot asks.

'Don't tell him.' I say.

'Matt, you're awake.' Elliot says.

'It would appear so. I've had two people talking rather loudly next to me for ages.' I mutter.

'You heard.' Christian says.

'Most of it, yes. What time is it?' I ask.

'Just after one, you've been asleep for a couple of hours.' Elliot says.

'I thought I told you to go home.' I say, opening my eyes and looking at Christian.

'Elliot made me come back. Hannah wanted to come but we made her stay with the others. She can come in the morning when she wakes up.' Christian says. 'We need to talk.'

'Not now. I wanted to talk yesterday morning but you didn't.' I say closing my eyes.

'I'm sorry.' Christian says quietly.

'What for?' I ask, opening my eyes again and looking at him. Christian looks at Elliot.

'I'll leave you two alone and go and get some coffee. Do you want one Christian?' Elliot asks him. Christian nods.

'I'm sorry for the last few weeks and how I've been with you. I've got angry too many times and too quickly. Elena doesn't mean anything to me anymore, I gave her the businesses because she helped me a long time ago, I didn't want to be vindictive.' Christian says.

'I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have got angry with you after everything you've done for me.' I say.

'Matt. I did everything because I love you.'

'I know, you just have a funny way of showing it sometimes.' I say smirking at him. He smiles back at me. 'Will we sort everything out and be ok?' I ask.

'Yes. We're too close not to.' He says. 'Matt, why are you going back to school if it's been so tough for you?'

'Because I know where I am there. I'm the kid who works hard and is top of the class in everything. I used to mess about when I was younger but not anymore preferring to be out of the limelight and I had enough of mom and dad turning up almost every week. You dragging me back to school when you found me in your apartment was the final straw, I keep my head down now so no-one bothers me and spend most of my time alone.'

'But Matt that's …..'

'Hey, it's easy. It works for me.' I say. 'I'll be happier there this year. A few people will have already left; it will be a smaller year group.'

'And you'll be with Hannah.' He says smiling.

'Yes.' I reply shyly.

'Will you let me know if I can help you with anything?' He asks.

'Christian I'll be fine.' I say and he looks at me intensely. 'OK, I'll let you know. Happy?'

'Yes' he says smiling at me. Elliot comes back with coffee for him and Christian.

'Is it safe to come in here now?' Elliot asks.

'Yes.' I reply smiling at him as Christian nods at him. 'I'm going back to sleep now because I'd quite like to leave this place in a few hours. I'll be fine if you want two go home.'

'No, we'll stay.' says Christian.

'Mom would be angry with us if we left you.' Elliot says.

'Well you'd better stay then, I don't want mom to be angry again. Keep the noise down though; I don't want waking until just before I can leave.' I say smiling at them both.


	59. Chapter 59-Scan

'Hi baby' I say as I open my eyes and see Hannah sat in the chair playing on the ipad.

'Matt, at last you're awake.' She says.

'Why, what time is it?' I ask.

'Two o'clock.' She says smiling at me.

'Why have I slept so long? Can I go home now?'

'You know why you've slept so long; you'll be like this for a while yet. As for going home, the doctor wants to run some tests before you leave.' She says.

'No. How long will it take?' I mutter.

'I don't know. That's all I've been told. I don't even know what the tests are for.'

'Did Elliot and Christian go to work?'

'Yes, they left when I got here this morning around eight. Christian has phoned a few times to see if you're awake. Did something happen between you two? He seems to be more over protective of you than normal.' Hannah asks.

'I got angry with him yesterday. I said stuff I shouldn't have done. We made up about two o clock this morning.' I say smiling at her.

'I'm glad you made up. I thought you were in an odd mood yesterday when you woke up in the afternoon. Do you want to call him now? He'll want to know you're awake.'

'Sure, do you know where my phone is?' I ask and as she hands it to me she smiles and kisses my cheek.

'Two weeks until I can kiss you properly. I'm counting down the days. Phone Christian now, I'm just going to get a cold drink. Do you want anything?' She asks and I shake my head. 'OK, I'll be back soon.' When Hannah leaves the room I click speed dial. He answers immediately like I knew he would.

'Matt'

'Hi Christian, Hannah said you've called a few times.'

'Yes, I've been worried about you. You've slept for ages. Shall I come and pick you up now?' Christian asks.

'According to Hannah they want to do some tests but she's not sure what for. I've not seen the doctor yet and Hannah has just gone to get a drink.'

'I'm on my way; I'll be with you in ten minutes.' 'Andrea cancel my meetings for the rest of the day.' He says.

'Christian, there's no need to be here. I'll be OK. I'll call when I'm ready to leave.' I say.

'Matt, please. I want to be there.'

'OK, I'll see you in ten minutes.' It's easier just to let him do what he wants. I click the phone off as Hannah returns.

'Christian is on his way.' I mutter.

'OK, I thought he would come as soon as he could. Has the doctor been in yet?' she asks.

'No' I reply. 'I just want to be out of here.'

'Don't get sulky. Here, take this pen and paper and write down your four places where you want to go on holiday. I've done mine already.' She says smiling at me. I write 'Wherever you are baby' on the paper and show it to her smirking. 'Properly, otherwise we won't have fun choosing and planning over the next few weeks.' She scolds me.

I sit and think for a few minutes and then begin to write – America, Australia, England, Canada.

'OK, I'm done.' I say.

'You put a lot of thought into that, let me see.' She says and I show her 'Matt, we can't do Australia in a weekend or a week. Please will you take this seriously; otherwise I'm not playing the game. I spent ages this morning thinking about this and then you mess about.'

'Sorry, don't get cross with me. I'll do it properly this time.' I say as I begin to write again. Jupiter, Toronto, San Diego, Hawaii. 'OK, I'm done. Where's your list?' I ask her.

'Here' she says taking it out of the back pocket of her jeans. 'I'll start with my number one and we'll take it in turns' she says as bossy as ever though she's smiling at me. I nod. 'OK my number one is San Francisco; did you have that on your list?'

'No. My number one is Jupiter.'

'Matt' she says crossly throwing her piece of paper on the bed. 'Why can't you take anything seriously?'

'I was, it's in Florida, just north of West Palm Beach. It's somewhere to relax and lie on the beach all day.'

'Oh sorry. I've never heard of it. I thought you meant the planet. Obviously that's not on my list. My second choice is New York.'

'Toronto.' I say smiling at her.

'Aspen' she says. I look at her questionably 'I've never been and everyone raves on about it.'

'We can go there anytime, Christian has a house there.' I say smiling at her.

'Of course he does, he probably has them all over the place.'

'No only there and an apartment in New York.' I say 'My next choice is San Diego' she looks at me questionably. 'I want to go to the zoo there, I've always wanted to go and no-one else in my family wanted to so we never went.'

She smiles at me 'We haven't agreed yet. Last one is Hawaii.'

'Hawaii' I say grinning at her.

'No way, let me see.' She shouts. I show her my piece of paper and she grins at me and we hug each other.

'Hawaii it is then. When I get out of here we can sort out the dates and flights and hotel.' I say to her.

'I'm so excited already.' She says.

'What about?' Christian asks as he walks into the room. 'You two look happy.'

'You could have knocked.' I say 'We could have been having a private moment.'

'What? When you're still hooked up to machines and drips.' Christian says smiling. 'So, what are you excited about Hannah?'

'We've written down four places each we want to go and come up with one that we'd like to go to for a few days before we go back to school.' Hannah says. Christian raises an eyebrow to question her. 'We can't go to California surfing now so we want to go to Hawaii to relax on the beach.'

'Sawyer can go with you.' Christian says matter of factually.

'No, it's meant to be a quiet holiday for just us two.' I say.

'Matt, Taylor will be there for me and Ana on our honeymoon. Think about it, he can drive you wherever you need to go, he'll sort out all your luggage. You won't know he's there; he'll just be in the background. It would give me piece of mind to know he's with you and mom would rather you had someone looking out for you. You're both just eighteen and you've just had surgery. Hopefully this will be the last time you're in hospital but what if something happened to you or even to Hannah, how would either of you cope with finding a hospital there. What if you pass out again, Hannah needs help, she needed us the other night.' Christian says. He looks at Hannah and then me. I look at Hannah and she nods.

'OK, we'll take Sawyer.' I mutter

'Good, you can have the jet as well if you want. We won't need it by then and it will be easier for you rather than hanging round at the airport.' Christian says smiling at me. Hannah looks at him open mouthed. 'Yes Hannah I have a jet.'

'And you're going to let us use it.' She asks in awe.

'Yes, not the bedroom though.' He smirks at me.

'It has a bedroom?' Hannah asks.

'Hannah stop, I'll take you to it so that you can look around it one day. You'll get used to it. Can I look at your lists?' Christian asks.

'Sure' I say handing them to him.

'Aspen and New York, you can go there anytime and use my place.' Christian says generously.

'That's what I told her.' I say smugly.

'Matt, what is your obsession with San Diego. When we all sat round the table and wrote where we all wanted to go on the family holiday each year you always put that at the top of your list.' Christian asks as he looks at my list.

'I know, and we never went. We always went somewhere from someone else's list. I started doing it automatically in the end in the hope that someone else might want to go. I thought if I was choosing the holiday this time it might finally happen.' I say smiling at Hannah. Christian looks at us both as Hannah is grinning at me.

'He only wants to go to the zoo.' She says.

'I've been wanting to go since I was five.' I mutter. 'There must have been an ad on the TV or in one of mom's magazines.' Christian bursts out laughing. 'It's not funny, imagine if it was you and everyone else got their pick and no-one took any notice because they didn't take you seriously.'

I'm sorry Matt; we probably didn't take you seriously. I remember you always saying it and then you'd go quiet and lay your arms on the table and rest your head on them as if you didn't really care.'

'Because I was living in hope that it might finally happen.' I say as the doctor enters the room. Christian shakes his hand and introduces himself.

'Matthew, we're going to take you for an MRI scan in about fifteen minutes.' The doctor says. I look at Christian; he must see the fear in my eyes.

'What are you looking for?' Christian asks.

'We'll be looking at the brain to see if there was any other bleeding caused when Matthew fell and hit his head and we're going to have a look at the spleen again to see if the operation was successful. We're concerned that Matthew blacked out instead of feeling the dizziness. It suggests that there may be some bleeding from the spleen.' Says the doctor to Christian.

''OK, and if there is?' Christian asks.

'We might have to operate straight away.' The doctor replies. Hannah goes white and sits down on the chair next to me. 'I'll be back with the nurses in about fifteen minutes; the scan should take about forty minutes.' The doctor adds before leaving. I sit quietly my head in my hands.

'Matt, it's just as a precaution they need to check you out.' Christian says.

'Then why did I black out. I'm never going to get out of here. You're getting married in three weeks and I'll still be here.'

'Stop worrying, you'll be fine. I'll leave you two alone for five minutes. I'm just going to make a phone call.' Christian says as hugs me as he leaves. I look at Hannah, she looks worried.

'Baby, come up here and sit with me. I want to hug you and I can't do it properly whilst I'm still hooked to these machines.' I say. I sit up and make myself comfortable and she comes and sits between my legs facing me. I hug her tightly and she hugs me back.

'Kiss me.' She whispers.

'Hannah, we can't. You know the risks.' I say.

'Matt, please. I just want to feel your lips on mine. I don't care about the risks right now. You're about to go for a scan and if they have to operate again I want a kiss to get me through all the waiting that I'll be doing.' She says. 'Please Matt, I need this right now.'

'Hannah….'

'Matt, I'm scared'

'So am I.' I whisper and kiss her lips gently. She kisses me back and we lose ourselves in the passionate embrace. I hear the door open and pull away from Hannah.

'Whoa, you two shouldn't be doing that.' Christian says but he's smiling. 'I've just spoken to mom, who spoke to the doctor. She's worried now as well and will be waiting for the phone call after the scan. The doctor will be here in ten minutes, I'll leave you alone again. I'll be outside and make sure no-one comes in.' He says and goes to shake my hand, puzzled I take it and then grin as he places a condom there. 'Ten minutes, I'll knock OK.'

'Thank you.' I say grinning at him as he smiles back at me.

As soon as the door is closed I kiss Hannah again. I have one hand on her breast and she groans.

'Baby, can I make love to you?'

'Matt…..' she whispers. I hold a finger to her lips and show her the condom. Her eyes widen. 'Did Christian just give that to you?' I nod and she smiles. I kiss her again passionately and slip a finger inside her panties.

'Hannah, you're so wet already.' I exclaim.

'I've been waiting for you for a week.' She says quietly, placing her hand on my erection.

'We need to be quick.' I say and rip open the foil. She rolls the condom on me and then we shift closer straddling each other. 'Ready.' I whisper and she nods as I pull her onto me and then we move together. 'Baby, come for me.' I say and as she does I follow. I kiss her again.

'I love you so much Matt Grey.'

'I love you too Hannah.' I whisper as I hug her again. Pulling away I take the condom off.

'I'd better get rid of that before the doctor comes in.' Hannah says as takes it from me and climbs off the bed and heads to the bathroom. As she passes the door she opens it. Christian puts his head round the frame and smirks at me. Hannah is already in the bathroom.

'That was quick.' Christian teases. I just look at him. 'Sorry' he whispers as Hannah comes out of the bathroom. She blushes when she sees Christian and comes to hold my hand.

'Hannah, please don't be embarrassed.' Christian says to her.

'I can't help it. You even gave us the condom.' She says quietly.

'What would you rather have done in those fifteen minutes, sit here quietly not knowing what to say to each other. At least you're both relaxed now.' He says smiling at her. 'And you have to spend the next hour sat with me whilst we wait for Matt.' He adds smirking at her.

The doctor enters the room again along with a nurse. 'OK Matthew, it's time to get you checked out.' he says as the nurse takes out all the drips and unhooks me from the machines. She then brings in a wheelchair. I look at it in horror. 'Matthew, please sit in the chair, we're not taking any risks on the way to the scan.' The doctor says. I climb off the bed and sit in the chair as I've been told. Hannah gives me a hug and then Christian follows.

'We'll be waiting for you. I'm going to take Hannah for ice cream. We'll bring you some back.' Christian says.

'OK, look after her.'

'Don't worry I will.' He says and smiles as the nurse pushes the wheelchair out of the room and down the corridor.


	60. Chapter 60-Tragedy

**Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me over the last 59 chapters. I never thought I would get to the stage where I was posting chapter 60! Special thanks to my new friend who pm's me almost daily, you know who you are and I'm so proud of what you're doing right now! I would also like to give thanks to everyone who has ever taken the time to write a review, your views are greatly appreciated and I look forward to reading your thoughts at the end of each chapter. Best Wishes to all, Mx**

As the nurse pushes me through the hospital corridors in the wheelchair I keep my head down. We stop suddenly and the doctor punches a code into a key pad to let us into the room where the scan is being done. There are more people in here. I hear the doctor give someone my name before adding 'Dr Trevelyan's son', he then comes to speak to me.

'Matthew, the nurse will give you an injection soon. It's just some dye that will leave a trace in your blood so that we can see if there's any leakage from the spleen.'

'OK' I mutter.

'This isn't going to hurt at all, but it can be noisy. You have to lie very still though.' he says smiling at me. 'That means not moving at all.' He's now smirking at me.

'Did mom tell you to say that?' I ask.

'Yes.' he smiles again. 'I've got to phone her in a minute, would you like to speak to her before we start.'

'Yes please.' I say smiling at him. He takes out his phone as a nurse approaches me and gives me the injection.

'Grace, I've got someone here that wants to say hello.' The doctor says handing me his phone.

'Mom' I say.

'Darling boy, don't worry. You're in good hands at the right place. Please make sure you lie still.' She says.

'I will mom, I've already been told that. I've just had the dye injection.' I say. 'Christian has taken Hannah for ice cream and they're going to bring some back for me. Mom when we decide on the family holiday for next year please can you put San Diego on your list as well so that we might actually get to go.'

'Oh Matt, you're so funny. I miss you.' She says with a sob.

'Mom, don't get upset, I'll be fine. I'll call you when the scan is finished. I love you.'

'I love you too darling.' She says and I hand the phone back to the doctor who walks to the other side of the room to continue the conversation.

'OK Matthew, we're ready for you now. Please can you come and lie down on this bed. You will then be moved very slowly into the scanner so we can take a look inside you. Please lie still.' One of the nurses says.

'OK' I say as I climb out of the wheel chair and go to lie down. Despite feeling brave when I spoke to mom I'm actually really nervous. I close my eyes and block out all thoughts as the bed starts to move. Shit its noisy and scary, I daren't even open my eyes, would that count as moving. Fuck I don't think I can stand this for five minutes let alone forty. I lose myself in my thoughts. Hannah. Family. Holidays. Work. Home. School. Anything to stop me thinking about the noise. I don't even know how much longer I'll be in this horrible thing, I should have kept my eyes open. Someone touches my shoulder and it makes me jump.

'Matthew, it's all over. You can open your eyes now.' The doctor says. 'Do you want the good news or bad news first?' I look at him and he must see the fear in my eyes. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Even the bad news isn't that bad. We're going to get you back up to your room and take some blood for tests. The spleen is healing well and there's no sign of bleeding. Your head injury has not caused any problems.'

'What caused the blackout then?' I ask.

'We're not sure yet, it could be the trauma from the surgery or you could have had a reaction to either the anaesthetic or one of your drugs, that's why we're going to run some blood tests to find the cause and if it's likely to reoccur. We should have the results within the hour.'

'Thank you.' I say.

'OK, back in the wheelchair and the nurse will push you back. We're still not risking anything.' He says. 'Here, take my phone and call your mom. You can talk to her on the way back to the room.'

'Thanks.' I say smiling at him. I hit the redial button; he must have been talking to her whilst I was having my scan because it shows he's been speaking to her for a while. 'Mom'

'Darling, it's good to hear you again. How was it?'

'Noisy' I say.

She laughs and then says 'I know all about the scan, will you phone me with the blood test results.'

'Yes mom.' I say 'Though I wouldn't be surprised if the doctors aren't on the phone to you as they're testing it so that you know the results before I do.'

'If I do I'll call you.' She says.

'OK mom, I'm nearly at the room now. I hope Hannah and Christian are back with the ice cream.'

'Oh Matt, you're so easy to please. I love you.'

'I love you too mom.' I say before clicking off and handing the phone back to the doctor.

'Thank you.' I say to him 'I'm sure you don't do that for all your patients.'

'Only ones who have moms that have saved thousands of lives.' He says smiling at me, I grin back at him. 'Your mom is one special lady.'

'I know, I'm very lucky to have her as my mom.' I say as the nurse wheels me into my room. My heart sinks, I'm disappointed not to see Christian and Hannah here, I thought they'd be back and waiting for me. I climb out of the chair and onto the bed.

'This won't take long.' The nurse says as she finds a vein in my arm. As each plastic tube fills with blood she changes it to put a new one on. How many does she need? Eventually she says all done and disappears. The doctor is still here and is writing some notes on my chart.

'OK Matthew, we've done what we can for now, I'll be back as soon as we know the results of your blood tests.' The doctor says.

'Thank you' I reply. I climb off the bed and look through my bag for my phone. On finding it I call Hannah but her phone goes straight to voicemail. I call Christian and his does the same. Where are they? I call Elliot but he doesn't answer either. Mia answers on the second ring.

'Hi Matt' Mia says

'Mia where are you?' I ask.

'I'm just leaving the mall and heading home.'

'When did you last speak to Christian?' I ask her.

''About an hour ago, he left a garbled message on my phone. It was something about leaving the hospital and getting ice cream but I didn't understand it. Why?' she asks.

'He took Hannah for ice cream whilst I went for a MRI scan. They were supposed to be back to meet me but they're not here and neither of them are answering their phones. I can't get hold of Elliot either.'

'OK, I'll drive straight to you. I'll see you soon.' She says and clicks off. I sit in the chair staring out of the window. Ten minutes later my phone rings. It's Mia.

'Matt, where was Christian taking Hannah for ice cream?'

'I don't know. Why?' I ask.

'I've had to park a block away from the hospital, I'm walking to you as I speak but a couple of roads have been closed because of something. I'll try and find out more on my way.' Mia says.

'OK, I'll see you soon.' I mutter and click off. It rings again immediately.

'Matthew, just to let you know Christian and Hannah are OK. I can't tell you anything else at the moment because I'm not sure what has happened. I'm trying to get to them now.' Taylor says calmly. Shit what has happened to them. 'Matthew, are you OK?'

'Yes Taylor, I'll be fine. Mia is on her way and is coming to see me. She said some roads were closed and she's had to park the car and walk.' I say.

'Thanks for letting me know, as soon as she is with you call me so I know she's safe.' Taylor says and clicks off. I don't have long to worry on my own as Mia is soon with me. She envelopes me in a hug as soon as she sees me.

'Are you OK?' she asks.

'Yes, did you find out anything?' I ask.

'Only that a bus lost control and crashed into the Italian restaurant that's near here.' She says.

'The one next to the ice cream shop?' I say.

'I think so.' She says as I take out my phone to call Taylor.

'Taylor, Mia is here safely. She said a bus has crashed into an Italian restaurant. We think it might be the one next to the ice cream shop that's on the block next to the hospital.'

'Thank you Matthew. I've just arrived and parked in your mom's space. I can't get any further in the car so will walk and try and find them. I'll keep in touch.' He says ending the call before I can say anything else. I hug Mia again.

'Thanks for coming Mia. I was getting worried, no-one would answer their phones and I didn't want to bother mom when she's away.' I say.

'That's OK. Let's sit back down by the window and you can tell me about the scan. Did you have blood taken because your arm has bruised really badly, is it supposed to do that?' she asks.

'I don't know, it does look a bit odd though.' I say looking at my arm. 'The scan was really noisy and a bit scary. They kept telling me I had to lie still and I'd closed my eyes when it started and then I daren't open them again in case they said I'd moved. Everything was OK though so they've now taken the blood for testing and the results should be here anytime.'

'Oh that's good. Hopefully you'll be able to go home soon then. Matt I'm sure that bruise has got bigger.' She says.

'It will be fine.' I tell her.

'Well I'm just going to ask the doctor.' She says and gets up to go out of the room. The doctor comes in immediately.

'Oh that is an impressive bruise.' He says. 'I'm just going to get you hooked back up to the machine to check on your pulse and blood pressure. Can you get back on the bed now?'

'Sure. Where's my sister Mia?' I ask him.

'She got a phone call. I'm sure she will be back in soon.' The doctor says as I climb back onto the bed. A nurse is now in the room and is connecting all the machines. 'Matthew, are you allergic to anything, we have nothing written in your notes.'

'Not that I know of, I've never had a reaction to anything before.' I say.

'OK, I'll chase up the blood test results. Your blood pressure and pulse are OK. I'm not sure why you've bruised so badly this time, we might just have caught a weak vein. It happens sometimes and as we've used a few in the last week it could just be bruising coming out from them all. I'll be back as soon as I have news.' He says and disappears. The nurse records more data on the charts and she also leaves the room. Great I'm stuck on my own again and can't move off this bed. I close my eyes, I'm tired again but I try so hard not to fall asleep but fail miserably.

When I wake Christian is sat beside the bed.

'Hey little bro. how are you feeling?' he asks.

'Hungry but my throat is so sore again. Why won't it get better?' I croak.

'Because you have a long list of drugs you're allergic to most of which have been pumped into your body all week so they've made you more sleepy but not made you better. The drip you're on now is just fluid to flush your body full of nutrients and then they'll start again on different drugs. We should be able to leave here in a couple of hours. I've called mom to tell her.'

'What time is it?' I ask.

'Eight o clock.'

'Oh, so I've slept for a few hours. Where's Hannah?'

'Escala.'

'You're talkative. What happened earlier?'

'Matt, let's concentrate on getting you out of here. How was the scan?' he asks not looking me in the eye. Something has happened.

'Noisy.'

'Blood tests.'

'Fine'

'Now who's talkative.' He says smirking at me.

'I got a huge bruise from the blood tests so they hooked me back up to these machines. Happy?' I say. 'Did you call Mia?' I ask.

'Yes.' He says and I look at him. He stands and goes to look out of the window.

'Christian please tell me what has happened.' I say quietly. He turns and looks at me shaking his head. 'Is Hannah OK?'

'She will be.' Christian whispers.

'Tell me.' I say angrily. He looks at me in shock.

'Matt, please stay calm.' He says moving back over to the bed. I stare at him and close my eyes. 'Matt.' I ignore him. 'Matt, please.' I still ignore him. 'You can be so fucking stubborn when you want to be.' He hisses. I open one eye and glare at him.

'How many times in my life have I been stubborn?' I ask.

'OK, you win. I'll tell you. I took Hannah for ice cream. We talked about your obsession with San Diego zoo, your holiday to Hawaii, you singing for her, I didn't know you could sing.'

'I can't, she was easily impressed.'

'Matt, she raved on and on about it so you can't be that bad.'

'OK I can sing but don't tell anyone else in the family especially Elliot, he will tease me.' I say. 'Did you just talk about me?'

'Yes, she was scared about coming back here in case it was bad news and you needed another operation. She freaked out so badly last time and she didn't want it to happen again.'

'Did she cry?' I ask. He nods. 'Did you hug her and tell her it would be OK?' He nods again. I close my eyes, fuck I'm jealous. Jealous that my brother hugged Hannah when I wasn't there.

'I kissed her forehead and pulled her close and she cried into my chest.'

'Shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear anymore.' I say. 'I so want to punch you right now.' I look at him warily. 'Please can you go, I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment but I don't want to be in the same room as you.'

'Matt' he pleads.

I put my hands over my ears. 'I'm not listening.' I say.

He carries on. 'Hannah stopped crying and we went to the counter to get you some ice cream. As we were waiting the building shook. We tried to get out but the door was jammed, we could see a bus had crashed into the restaurant next door.' He says looking at me; I stare back at him, willing him to continue. 'Are you jealous?'

'Extremely.' I mutter.

'There's no need to be. It's only like when you're with Ana.' He says.

'What do you mean?' I ask.

'Last Friday when I came home and you were wiping away her tears, sitting at the end of the jetty splashing your feet together, sitting there later in the day and she had an arm round you. Yes I felt jealous of you but Ana pointed out that she cares for you like a younger brother; she loves you because you are my brother. I care for Hannah like a little sister and love her because she is with you and making you happy.'

'Oh when you explain it like that it's easier to take. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you jealous I just wanted Ana to be OK when you weren't there.'

'That's OK, I didn't want to make you jealous either but we have to take care of the girls when one of us isn't around. Now for the difficult part. Matt how long were Hannah and Jordan together?' he asks, I look at him wondering where he's taking this conversation.

'Two years.'

'That's a long time. Did they…' he looks at me awkwardly.

'No.' I say pre-empting his question.

'Still to be together for two years she obviously loved him.'

'Christian, is there something I should know?' I ask quietly, not really wanting to know the answer.

'Did you know he was stalking her?' he asks.

'What? No. I hadn't a clue. Is that why he just happened to be in the same bar the other night?'

'Yes. Mia went back to Escala with her earlier, that's why I phoned. Ana left work early to meet them there. I came to you. Hannah is in shock because he had followed us today but didn't come into the ice cream shop, we were the only customers so he couldn't have hidden. He was waiting outside the restaurant next door. Matt he ended up being crushed by the bus. When we got out of the ice cream place Hannah saw him. He was still alive and screamed her name when he saw her. She went to him and he did apologise for following her. He died in her arms. I'm sorry Matt. She's upset and in shock.' He says. I don't know what to say. I close my eyes. Fuck I'm hurting. However much I didn't like Jordan he didn't deserve this. We'd been at school together for years.

'Christian.' I say turning and opening my eyes to look at him. 'I need to be there for her.'

'I know. You will be soon. A doctor has been and given her something to sleep. Ana and Mia are there for her now and we'll be there soon.'

'Thank you for telling me.'

'I didn't want to.' He mutters.

'It's best I know.'

'Yes I suppose it is. I'll be there if you need any help, you only have to ask.'

'Thanks.' I mutter as the doctor walks in. Christian stands and shakes his hand.

'We've managed to find an anti-biotic that you are not allergic to so you will be able to leave once the nurse has unhooked you from the machines and taken the drip out. You know the procedure now, any pain in your abdomen, chest or back you need to come straight back here even though the spleen looked good on the scan you're still not totally out of danger with it, hopefully it will be fine in a few weeks. If you get any dizziness or feel faint I also want you to come back in at the moment. Otherwise I'll see you for a check up on Monday. I might be being over cautious but two days at home followed with a check-up and we'll see how things are. Please take it easy though over the weekend.'

'Thank you doctor.' I say. Christian also repeats his thanks and shakes his hand once again. As the doctor leaves the nurse appears and starts disconnecting me from everything. Finally I am free once more and as soon as she has left I climb from the bed. Christian finds me some clothes and once again I dress quickly in the shirt, jeans and converse.

'Ready' he asks picking up my bag. I nod. He takes his blackberry out of his pocket 'Taylor we're on our way out. We'll see you in five.'

We walk the corridors in silence. Just as we exit the hospital Christian says 'Matt, the next couple of days even weeks might be difficult. We'll all be there to support you and Hannah. Just give her time.'

'I will' I say quietly. 'We've only been together for a few weeks and it feels so special. They were together for two years, she will be hurting and I need to be there to help her get rid of the hurt. I'll give her all the time she needs but I just want to see her and hug her right now. Even though they had split up she would have still had feelings for him, you don't go through two years and feel nothing at the end. I'll respect her feelings and be there to help her.'

'I'm so proud of you.' He says as we approach the car and Taylor gets out to take my bag.

'


	61. Chapter 61-Hiding

I climb into the back of the SUV and Christian follows me.

'Hi Taylor.' I say.

'Hi Matthew.' Taylor says and starts to drive.

'Matt will you have something to eat when we get to Escala?' Christian says.

'Ice cream.' I mutter

'Is your throat really that bad?' he asks. I nod. 'You've not eaten since yesterday evening.'

'I'm sorry, I can't. It hurts too much.' I mutter.

'Hopefully these drugs will start to work quickly and you'll start to feel better so that you can eat properly tomorrow.' He says looking at me concerned. I shrug my shoulders at him and turn to look out of the window at the lights flashing by. 'Hey, what's wrong?'

'Everything' I say. He looks at me questionably. 'Fuck Christian do you really want me to explain how shit my life is right now.'

'You're still alive and you have a family that's loves you very much. It's been a tough week but everything isn't that bad and things will start to get better from now.' He says sharply as Taylor pulls up at the front of Escala. Christian climbs out and I follow. Crossing the foyer Christian walks ahead and calls the elevator, I follow behind him slowly. We travel in silence up to the penthouse. As the doors open and we enter the Great Room Christian goes straight to Ana and hugs her, he kisses her and whispers something in her ear, she looks at him shocked and blushes. I turn away.

'Matt' she says coming over to me and giving me a quick hug. 'Mia is with Hannah. She's asleep in the guest room upstairs at the moment and probably won't wake until tomorrow morning.'

'Ok, thanks Ana.' I mutter 'I'll go and see her now.' I head straight for the room that she's been using. Mia stands and hugs me as soon as I go in.

'Matt. I'm sorry I left you earlier at the hospital. Christian was insistent that I came to help with Hannah and I knew you'd be OK with the doctor.' Mia says.

'That's OK Mia. Thank you for looking after Hannah. I'll sit with her now; you go and get some sleep.' I say and hug her again. I sit on the side of the bed next to her. I stroke her hair and move it from her face. She looks so beautiful, I just want her to wake up so that I can hold her in my arms and comfort her. There's a tap at the door and I stand as Christian walks in.

'Are you going to stay here all night?' he asks.

'Yes, I don't want her to wake up and be on her own. I don't want to get in bed with her though, she might not want me.' I whisper.

'Oh Matt.' He says 'Don't start having doubts now. I've spent enough time with her the last five days to realise she loves you so much. You just need to be there for her to get her through this difficult time. I'll be back in a minute.' He says and he's gone. I shake my head puzzled as to what he's left for. I don't have long to find out as he returns quickly. He has another duvet and a mountain of other stuff.

'Get on the bed next to her, remember you need to look after yourself as well and get plenty of rest.' He says. I do as I'm told and then he throws the duvet over me and passes me a couple of extra pillows. He disappears again but returns quickly.

'Book, iPod, iPad, phone, juice and finally ice cream.' He says looking pleased with himself.

'Thank you.' I say taking the carton off him so I can make a start. It feels so good on my throat.

'Mia has gone to bed and is next door to you, I'm going to bed as well now. If you're not feeling well or you need anything call me, remember no risks.' He says and I nod at him. 'I'm sorry if I upset you in the car earlier.'

'It was true what you said though. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you.' I say. 'Thanks for everything you have done for me and Hannah, I really appreciate it.'

'You're welcome. Try and get some sleep tonight, Hannah has had pills to make her sleep until the morning and it would be better if you could spend some time awake with her tomorrow.'

'Ok, I'll just finish this ice cream and then head for a shower.' I say. He looks at me in alarm. 'What's wrong with that?'

'Nothing' he says. 'I'll sit here and wait while you have a shower.'

'You're worried I might blackout.' I mutter.

'Yes' he says. 'It was only last night that Hannah was screaming for me to help her, I was pretty shocked when I came into the bathroom and saw the blood everywhere. That's another scar that you'll have.'

'It's not as bad as the one on my chest and at least it will be hidden by my hair. I'll shower in the morning, you go to bed.' I say.

'No, go now while I'm here. Pass me your iPad, Hannah has got me hooked on a game and I want to beat her high score.' He says smiling at me. 'Your wash bag and some clean clothes and pyjamas are in that pile of things I brought in earlier'

'Thanks, you're as competitive as ever, and not just with me now.' I say smirking at him before going to the bathroom. I shower quickly and am soon ready to get back into bed.

'What game were you playing?' I ask Christian as he hands me the iPad back.

'I'm not telling you, you'll only spend all night trying to beat my score and you need to sleep.' He says smirking at me.

'I'll ask Hannah in the morning then.' I mutter.

'I'll tell you tomorrow if you want but I want you to sleep now.'

'Bossy as ever.' I say smirking at him.

'Don't be cheeky.' He says smiling back at me 'Sleep.'

Christian leaves and I turn the light out and do as I'm told and sleep. When I wake the sun is pouring into the room but Hannah is not beside me, I panic, where is she? Shit, what time is it? I quickly throw on a t-shirt and some sweat pants and am about to head downstairs when she comes into the bedroom. I stand and stare at her, not sure what to do.

'You're awake; I wasn't sure how long you'd sleep so went to get some breakfast. I was just coming back to sit with you.' Hannah says. 'Ana has gone with Mia to meet Kate; they are doing wedding things all day today. Christian has gone for a run but he should be back soon.'

'Hannah, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. Christian told me.' I say. Her body sags; I think she was trying to put a brave face on when she was talking just now. I take her in my arms and hug her tightly. She's crying, I kiss her forehead and then move her so that we're sat on the bed together.

'Matt.' she whispers 'I was so scared, it was awful. I'm confused.'

'What about baby?'

'Jordan.' She says and I freeze. 'Seeing him lying there but knowing that he'd been stalking me. I hate him but love him as well. Does that make sense?' Fuck, did she just say that she loves him. I don't know what to say but it doesn't matter because she carries on talking. 'We were together for two years and saw each other every day, he must have loved me so much to follow me after we split up. I keep thinking about all the things that we did together and it hurts so much that he's now gone.'

'I know baby, it will take time to get over this but I will be here for you. I know how you feel.' I whisper. She pulls away from me.

'How do you know how I feel?' she snaps 'You weren't there. You haven't lost someone that you love. How the fuck do you know what I'm feeling right now?' she shouts angrily. I look at her in horror. How could she have just said that? I know she's hurting but her words have cut right through me.

'Hannah, I know….'

'You don't know anything. You don't know what it's like.' She screams at me and then turns and goes into the bathroom. I get up off the bed and go. I can't be here for her right now. I wanted to help her but I'm hurting. As I walk downstairs and into the Great Room I'm relieved that everyone is out. I want to be on my own. I go to my bedroom and get dressed and then head to Christian's study. Searching in the top drawer of his desk I find what I am looking for, the keys to my Saab and also a gun. Shit why has Christian got a gun in his drawer, I always thought he was so against them as we all are because that's how mom and dad brought us up. As I'm about to leave the study I hear Hannah calling me.

'Matt, where are you? I'm sorry, I didn't realise what I was saying.' She shouts.

'Hannah, what's the matter?' I hear Christian ask her. He must be back from his run.

'Oh Christian, thank god you're here. I can't find Matt. I think I've hurt his feelings. He was being so kind and I shouted at him. I told him he didn't understand what it was like to lose someone you love.'

'Oh shit Hannah.' Christian says, quite calmly for him, I thought he'd be angry. 'Matt.' He shouts now. 'Matt.' He goes in the direction of my bedroom. I leave the study and go back upstairs, I don't want to see anyone especially not Hannah at the moment. I can still hear Christian. 'Matt, please. Where are you?' I think he's getting angry now. I stand in a guest room that is hardly ever used. Taylor runs past the door, Christian has obviously called him. 'Mrs Jones, can you take care of Hannah while we find Matt.' 'Fuck, Taylor he's found his car keys. Shit, he shouldn't be driving yet.' 'He won't have his phone so you can't trace him on that.' 'What about the car tracker?'

I'm here I want to say but the words won't come out. I can hear them searching the apartment. They know I haven't gone out in the car now. I sit hugging my knees, my chin rests on them. They'll find me soon.

'Fuck, where's he hiding?' 'Matt, please. Where are you?' Christian shouts and then enters the room to see me sat in the middle of the floor. 'Oh thank god. Taylor I've found him. Matt.' He says and envelopes me in a hug.

'Are you hurting?' he asks. I nod.

'Can you speak?' he asks. I shake my head.

'Oh no, please Matt. Remember what mom says, the hurt needs to come out. Please talk to me.' He says. I look at him through my wide eyes. 'Please Matt.' He hugs me again.

'You need a shower.' I whisper.

'Thank God you spoke.' He says and smiles at me. 'Talk to me, I'm here for you and then I'll shower.'

'I tried Christian. She stills loves him and she said that I didn't know what it was like to lose someone I love. I'm hurting so much.'

'She didn't realise what she was saying. She's probably still in shock.'

'She hurt me; I didn't think she would ever hurt me. I love her so much but when she said those words.' I say quietly.

'Matt, she's sorry. She regrets what she said. It's you that she loves now. You need to see her and talk to her.'

'No. I can't. She might hurt me again. I can't risk her doing that again. Please Christian, let me just stay in here out of the way.' I mutter.

'Matt, you need to sort this out with Hannah. Hiding in here won't solve anything.' Christian says gently. 'You love me don't you?' I look at him, shocked he's even asked.

'Of course, you know I do. Why do you ask?' I whisper.

'Look how many times I've hurt you these past few weeks and you're still here with me now.' He says.

'You're my brother.'

'And she is your lover, probably your future wife. Matt, don't let those few words spoil what you have together. Talk to her; tell her how you feel about everything. I know she's been your friend since the age of five but she still feels she doesn't know you. She's only just found out you're adopted, she doesn't know about all your insecurities, tell her so that she understands you.' He says gently. I nod. 'Can I send her up to see you?' he asks.

'Yes' I whisper, though when I look at him my eyes must show the fear.

'Don't be scared, you'll work this out together. I'll send her up to see you now. He says and then smiles at me 'I'd better have a shower whilst you're with her.' I smile back at him. 'While I remember, car keys?' he says and holds out his hand. 'It's too soon for you to drive. If you want to go anywhere Taylor or Sawyer will take you until you are fit enough.'

I hand him back the keys. 'Sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. Why was there a gun in your drawer?' I ask.

'It's not mine, I forgot it was there.' He says abruptly and doesn't offer an explanation. He stands and says 'I'll see you downstairs when you've sorted out everything with Hannah. You need to eat soon.' He turns to leave and is then gone. Whilst I sit and wait I wonder why his mood changed so suddenly when I mentioned the gun.

'

'


	62. Chapter 62-Me

As Hannah stands in the doorway I stare back at her from my position on the floor. She looks so beautiful and as I stand she looks at me warily. I hold out my arms and she comes to me. We hug each other tightly. Hannah pulls away slightly first.

'Matt, please forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you.' She whispers. I kiss her cheek and pull her close again. 'I was so scared about coming to see you after what I said.'

'Hush baby, it's ok. I forgive you.' I whisper kissing the top of her head.

'Matt, please kiss me properly.' She asks. I shake my head. 'Why?'

'You know why, we're not taking any more risks. I love you so much Hannah and I want to go away with you and if you get sick we won't be able to. If I kiss you I will want to make love to you. I'm desperate to but we can't. I know we did at the hospital but we're not there now, I'm going to be OK but I want to get to the stage where I feel normal again and we can go out and do things. I want to be healthy and fit by the time we go away in five weeks and also be well enough to be back in school with you. We just have to be patient.' I say.

'OK I'll be patient and you still love me?' she asks.

'Always' I say with a shy smile 'There will never be anyone else.'

'Oh Matt. I love you too. Christian was right you are so forgiving.' She says.

'What else has my brother been saying?' I ask her, steering her towards the bed, we arrange the pillows and Hannah sits between my legs, my arms wrapped round her. I nibble her ear lobe and whisper 'Tell me.'

Hannah giggles before replying 'He said that even though we're both hurting right now we needed to talk. Matt I really am sorry for what I said to you. I was confused about Jordan, I think it was the shock of what happened yesterday but he was awful to me the last few weeks of our relationship when I wouldn't let him take it further and then when we met him in the bar and he said those words I think he was just jealous that I'd moved on and found love and he had nothing. I did care about him otherwise I wouldn't have spent two years with him but it was never like the love that I feel for you.'

'Baby I understand. If you ever want to talk about him you know that I'll be here to listen.'

'Thank you.'

'Christian said I had to tell you about myself. Even though we've know each other years he said that you still felt you didn't know me. Do you want to hear my story?'

'Yes.' She whispers.

'Ok, are you sitting comfortably?' I say smiling at her, she nods so I start. 'My mommy and daddy were the best of friends with mom and dad and they did most things together. Elliot, Christian and Mia knew them really well, even better than I did. They holidayed together and as you've seen the house you know they lived next door to each other. The playground in the garden was probably there before I was even born as my brothers and sister spent so much time there I think it was built for them. When I was born Elliot was twelve, Christian was ten and Mia was four. I was born in the house and it was mom who delivered me. I can't really remember much about being with mommy and daddy, I think over time I tried to block it out but I looked at photos a couple of weeks ago and small memories are starting to come back. I know that they loved me a lot. I'd just started pre-K and on the third day they both took me to drop me off. Daddy was going to take mommy to work and then he was flying to New York for a meeting and he said he wanted me to be the man of the house and look after mommy for two days before he came back. I kissed mommy and said that I would look after her when daddy was away and she smiled at me like an angel and hugged me but I tried to wriggle away. Then daddy picked me up and threw me in the air before catching me. I giggled and hugged and kissed him before running off to play with my new friends. That was the last time I saw them. They were killed in a car crash together before daddy got chance to drop mommy off. Mom collected me from pre-k that day and took me home to dad. I've been with them ever since. I feel guilty every time I think about that day, mommy was trying to hug me and I wanted to wriggle away, I think if only I'd hugged her back perhaps they'd have been with me a few more minutes and then they wouldn't have been in the place where the crash was and they'd still be here.'

'Oh Matt.' Hannah says, the tears are streaming down her face.

'Don't cry baby. The story hasn't finished yet.' I say wiping away her tears. 'Everyone was so kind to me. They were really patient with me, always making sure that someone was there for me and that I was never on my own. The others are adopted as well but I always thought that mom and dad chose them but they didn't get any choice with me, I know they'd agreed to be my godparents but all of a sudden they had a five year old to look after. I worry that they all just put up with me because I had no-one else and that they don't really want me. I settled OK into the new family life as I knew them all and I'd seen them almost every day over the five years. Elliot wasn't around much as he'd started work and moved out of home but he was there most weekends, Christian was sixteen and he disappeared out quite a bit but was really patient with me when he was there. He was really close to my daddy and he's since told me that he went off the rails when mommy and daddy died. I hero worshipped Christian though and wanted to be just like him, I played the piano, took up kick boxing, rowed, swam and worked hard at school. I was devastated when he left home to go to Harvard. I was only nine and when he was away each semester it felt like the longest time ever, I used to count down the days until I would see him again. Somehow over the years I'd developed a fear of anything changing. I always wanted everything to be the same, if we went to a restaurant I always had the same thing to eat, I will only eat vanilla ice cream, Mrs Jones knows exactly what to give me because I don't eat much else. I always sat next to mom, whether it was at mealtimes, on planes, at concerts, at dinner parties. Dad was on one side of her and I always sat on the other. At the masked ball when she didn't want me next to her I was distraught, it was the first time that she didn't want me there. I'm terrified of making her angry again. Mom says I'm the only one that tells her how I love her almost every day and that I give her the most hugs and I think it's because of the fear that if I don't then something bad might happen. I freaked out a bit at the hospital on Wednesday when she left without saying goodbye because all I could imagine was that I might not see her again. Christian had to call her and they almost turned back. I'm pretty messed up Hannah, am I putting you off yet?'

'No not at all. You've managed to keep all this well hidden at school. I would never have known.' She says. 'Even when I came to your house to play you were always so happy. I was really jealous of your family and how they would always fuss over you and I just thought you were the spoilt youngest sibling.'

'I know, but deep down I'm totally insecure about the love they have for me. I'm always doubting it, if anyone says anything that I don't like I shut them out and go into my own world, if it's really bad then I go into my 'no words'. I think it's my way of coping because I think that they don't like me and then they won't want me in the family anymore. Dad has always been tough on me, more so than the others. I thought it was because he didn't like me but it was because every time he was telling me off he would think of my daddy and he'd end up telling me off enough for both of them, as I've got older he said it was like having him on the other side of the desk and then he'd be angry and upset about the death. Dad also said that's it's been tough bringing up his best friends boy and hoping that he's doing a good enough job for him. You might need to speak to Christian; he explains it better than I do.'

'You're doing a good job. I hadn't a clue about all this. How did you cope at school?'

'I think school was the easy part, I could just go each day and pretend that everything was the same and it hadn't changed. I could be the cheeky mischievous boy that was always in trouble for something, dragging you and Jonty into whatever I was up to. It was only as I got older, I think we were about fourteen that reality at school hit. We'd cut class and come here for the afternoon, Christian had just moved here and I wanted to show you where he lived. When he found us and took us back to school it wasn't too bad but he was waiting to pick me up at the end of the day and the lecture he gave me made me realise I couldn't mess about forever. I knew my family were always in the newspaper for their charity work and Christian was attracting attention because of the money he was making and I didn't want anything like that so I had to change. I've always been over protected and kept out of the media, Christian pointed out that day that if I carried on the way I was then I would naturally attract attention and I really didn't want it. It was easy to slip into being the quiet hardworking nerdy kid that no-one bothered, you were starting to get interested in boys and Jonty in girls and you both had lots of friends, I know the three of us still had time together but when you both went off with your groups then I would just be happy on my own. Mia disowned me at school and pretended I wasn't her brother, she was either so embarrassed that mom and dad were sat outside the principal's office or later that I was on my own all the time. She wasn't too bad with me at home.'

'So why is Christian so tough on you and over protective of you now?'

'Because he doesn't want me making any mistakes that I might regret, it would be so easy for me to do something and it end up in the newspapers because of who my family are. I have to be careful of who I'm friends with, a lot of people only want to know me to get closer to Christian because of his money.'

'And his looks.' Mia says

'You're making me jealous.' I say smiling at her.

'You don't need to be, you're actually very similar to both Christian and Elliot that you wouldn't know that you all had different birth parents. I can see why it would be easy for the media to target you; it would certainly be easier than trying to get something on Christian.'

'That's why at the hospital he had Ros from work sort out the Seattle Times; he didn't want anything in the papers about me. Do you think you can cope being in a relationship with me? I'm a lot to take on especially with my family in tow.' I ask her.

'Yes, I love you. I love how you've been at school, always making me smile and giggle. Even though you've gone off on your own a lot the last few years you've still sat next to me every day and you made me work hard, I wouldn't have got the grades I did without your help. You've always been there for me.'

'And you have for me. When Christian and Elliot got together with Ana and Kate I was so jealous of the girls and wanted to hate them, I didn't want anyone coming into our family and changing what the six of us had when we were together but I'm slowly learning that it isn't all bad. I'm starting to get to know Ana a bit more and really like her. Kate still intimidates me a bit.'

'They have both been really good to me as have all your family. They all love you so much, you're very lucky.'

'I know. I'm just scared I'm not good enough to be part of the family.'

'Matt, you have to start believing in yourself. You are brilliant at anything that you decide you want to do; you are kind, caring and easily one of the nicest people to be with. You're loved by everyone in your family, by me, by the teachers at school. Just start accepting the love that they all have for you.' She says in her bossy mode.

'I'll try.' I whisper and kiss her cheek. 'Thanks for listening baby, I've think you've heard enough about me for now.'

'I don't think I'll ever have enough of hearing about you.' She says smiling at me.

'Well I'm hungry so today's story has finished. If I don't eat we'll risk Christian going thermonuclear so we'd better go downstairs for some food.'

'OK we'll eat. I love you Matt Grey.'

'Ditto baby, let's go' I say grabbing her hand and pulling her up. I hug her and kiss her cheek once more before we head downstairs in the search for food.

'


	63. Chapter 63-Spend

'Morning Mrs J.' I say happily as I walk into the kitchen and Hannah follows behind me.

'Matt, show some respect.' Christian snaps at me as he emerges from his study. I look at him warily.

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones.' I mutter and keep my head down.

'It's ok Matthew.' Mrs Jones says gently and gives me a sympathetic smile. 'What can I get you to eat?'

'Please could I just have some juice?' I ask. I hear Christian take a sharp intake of breath.

'Matt, you were hungry five minutes ago.' Hannah says without thinking. I look at her and shake my head as Mrs Jones places the glass of juice in front of me and then makes herself busy. I glance at Christian who is looking at me through narrowed eyes. I gulp, what have I done wrong? He was so loving earlier. He turns and goes back into his study.

'Matthew, can I make you an omelette?' Mrs Jones asks.

'OK.' I say quietly. I suppose I'd better eat something. I leave Hannah to chat with Mrs Jones as I go and stand by the window to stare at the view. After a few minutes I feel her behind me and I turn to face her.

'Matt, what's the matter with you and Christian?' Hannah asks, direct as ever.

'I don't know.' I whisper. 'He was so good with me upstairs. I don't know what I've done to upset him.'

'Come and eat, your omelette is ready.' She says and gives me a hug. She then takes my hand as we walk to the kitchen and I climb onto a bar stool. Hannah just has a drink whilst I eat.

'Why aren't you eating?' I ask her.

'Because I had breakfast not so long ago so I'll wait until lunchtime.' She says. 'What do you want to do after you've eaten? I was going to have a cooking lesson from Mrs Jones.'

'I'll do some work and then I might go for a swim later but only if Christian will come with me, I haven't got the confidence to go on my own. Mrs Jones, why are you working today I thought you had the weekends off?' I ask.

'I'm cooking dinner for you all, your brother and sister are coming and the Kavanaghs so there will be eight of you tonight.' She says smiling at me. Oh, I really don't want to do dinner tonight. She looks nervously towards the study before saying 'Matthew will salmon be OK? That's what everyone else is eating, I'll make you some lasagne if you'd prefer.'

I look towards the study door now. 'I suppose I'd better eat what everyone else is eating.' I say quietly.

'Matthew I'd rather cook you something that you're going to eat. I'll make a lasagne as well and leave it in the fridge so that it can be microwaved if needed.' Mrs Jones says and then continues her chores. Hannah jumps down from the barstool and kisses my cheek before leaving me to finish my food. I'm almost done when I hear raised voices coming from Christian's study. Shit Hannah is in there and she's shouting at Christian. I look at Mrs Jones in alarm as we hear Hannah giving Christian a piece of her mind.

'What is your problem? Matt's poured his heart out to me upstairs and he terrified he's not good enough for you and your family and he doesn't know what he's done to upset you this time. He's going to sit through dinner tonight eating something he doesn't like just to try and please you so that you won't get angry with him. Upstairs he was happy and hungry and a few words from you and his mood has plummeted and he's now forcing himself to slowly eat an omelette because he knows he has to eat something. If you can spare the time Matt would quite like to go for a swim this afternoon with the brother he adores. He won't ask you so I am doing it for him as I think it's what he needs. He's not confident enough to go on his own and I'm not strong enough to help him if something happened so please Christian sort out whatever is going on between you to do this for him.'

I don't hear Christian's reply but Hannah leaves his study and heads straight upstairs. Mrs Jones clears my plate away and smiles at me.

'Someone had to tell him.' She says. I look at her surprised, she's normally so discreet. 'She sure must love you to stand up to The Christian Grey.'

I smile shyly 'I think she does. I'd better go and make sure she is OK.' I say and Mrs Jones nods and smiles at me.

I find Hannah in the room she has been using staring out of the window. I go up behind her and envelope her in a hug, kissing the top of her head.

'Are you OK?' I ask her.

'Yes, I hope I haven't made the situation worse between you and Christian but I couldn't sit there any longer watching you struggling to eat the first thing that you have had in thirty six hours while Mrs Jones asked what you would eat later knowing that she would be cooking something to make Christian happy but not you.' She says. 'I'm sorry but I was pretty mad.'

'I like you pretty mad.' I say, turning her to face me. I tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her cheek. 'Come and shower with me.' I whisper and holding her hand lead her into the bathroom. I lock the door, turn the shower on and then slowly undress her. I kiss her neck, her breasts and put two fingers inside her. She is so ready but I don't want her to come like this. I quickly take my clothes off and she smiles as she looks at my erection. I shake my head at her but I'm grinning. We stand under the water hugging each other tightly. I pull away and taking the shower gel start to soap Hannah down, moving my hands over every inch of her body. Eventually I kneel in front of her and kiss her clitoris whilst my fingers circle inside her. I feel her quicken and she comes, her legs buckling as she collapses beside me. We sit on the floor of the shower, the hot water hammering down on us. Hannah traces the scar on my chest gently with her finger.

'Are you calmer?' I ask her.

'Yes, I like how you make me calm.' She whispers, smiling shyly at me. 'I want to reciprocate.'

'I'd love you to but we'll wait until later next week. I can't take any risks.' I say.

'Can I at least soap you all over?' she asks. I nod and hand her the shower gel. I sit as she massages me whilst she cleans me, it is so relaxing. 'Matt, can I shampoo your hair, I'll be gentle and I'll be careful around your scar.'

'Yes' I whisper. I don't remember the last time anyone washed my hair apart from when I have it cut. Oh it feels so good. Finally we stand once more and I rinse the remaining soap from my hair.

'I love you Hannah.' I whisper as I kiss her ear.

'I love you too.' She replies as I turn the shower off and we grab some towels. I dry myself quickly and wrapping the towel around my middle I start to dry Hannah.

'Matt, you're spoiling me.' She says giggling.

'You deserve it.' I say. 'Shall we go to the deli across the road for some lunch?'

'You can't be hungry already.'

'I am now that I'm relaxed.' I say smiling at her. We dress and head to the bedroom. 'I'll go and find my wallet and then we'll go.'

'I can pay; I've only spent a couple of hundred dollars out of all that money Christian gave me.' She says.

'It's OK baby, I'll pay. Why don't you go shopping later and buy something to wear for dinner tonight. I want you to spend that money on yourself.'

'Matt, I have stuff I can wear. I need to be careful with the money. Dad sends me some but I don't want to waste it.'

'Hannah please, go out this afternoon and treat yourself to some stuff. For once don't think how much things cost, don't even look at the price tag, if you like it then just buy it. If you need some more I'll transfer some from my account but please go out and enjoy the money.' I say and then smirking at her add 'You could get some underwear and also some bikinis for our holiday.'

She grins at me 'Would that make you happy?' she asks.

'It will when you get back later and model them for me.' I say cheekily, hugging her and kissing her neck.

'Behave yourself; otherwise I won't buy anything like that.' She says sternly trying not to laugh. 'OK, I'll go shopping after lunch.' She adds more gently this time. I go downstairs to my room and grab my wallet and phone and head into the Great Room where Hannah has just appeared.

'Ready?' I ask her.

'Yes' she replies 'Are you going to let Christian know we're going out?'

'No.' I reply

'Matt, go and see him. Otherwise he'll worry. I'll wait in the kitchen and chat with Mrs Jones.' She says kissing me on the cheek and giving me no choice. I knock on his study door which is open and he looks up, he's on the phone. He eyes me cautiously but continues his conversation. I hover at the door not sure whether I should go in or not, I'm about to turn away when Christian waves for me to come in. I walk across towards the window and look out at the city as I listen to his one-sided conversation.

'OK Ros, let me know the details.' 'I'll be in the office every day this week so we can get this sorted out.' 'No not this week, maybe from home but we'll see how it goes.' 'I'll see you Monday; enjoy the rest of the weekend.' He says before hanging up and I turn to face him.

'So you want to go for a swim.' Christian says coolly

'You're busy. It doesn't matter today maybe tomorrow.' I mutter.

'Jeez Matt, if you want to go I'll take you. You only have to say.' He says angrily. I gulp and look at him with wide eyes. I still don't know why he's angry with me.

'Don't worry I'll get Elliot to come with me sometime.' I snap and make to leave the study.

'Matt, don't go. I'm sorry, I'll be happy to take you later.' He says gently.

'Fuck Christian, you make me feel like I'm about ten with your 'I'll take you' comment. I don't want to have someone babysitting me the whole time but I haven't got the confidence to go on my own at the moment. Perhaps I'd be better off waiting a while until I'm more ready.' I say, glaring at him.

'No, I'll come with you. Is that better?' he asks. I nod. 'Would you prefer lasagne for dinner?' he now asks.

'Yes' I say quietly, looking at him warily to see his reaction.

'Matt, I'd rather you had something you like. I'm not going to force you to eat something the rest of us are having, I won't be angry. You just have to tell me.'

'You were angry with me earlier, I'm not sure why.' I say.

'I was frustrated with you. The car keys, the gun…..'

'If it's not yours whose is it?' I ask as it suddenly dawns on me. 'It belongs to the girl, the one who was following me.'

'Yes.' He says quietly.

'Fuck, why have you still got it?'

'I'd forgotten about it.' He says genuinely. 'Will you stop swearing? It will be me and Elliot that get the blame if mom hears you.'

'She's not here.' I mutter.

'No but one day you will forget and it will just come out in front of her.' He says smiling at me. 'So you and Hannah sorted everything out.'

'Yes'

'She's quite fiery when she gets going, she certainly told me what for.'

'Because she loves me.' I say smirking at him.

'Did you tell her everything?' he asks.

'Most things, apart from the money, businesses and houses. I don't feel like they're mine yet anyway.'

'You'll have to tell her eventually.' He says.

'I know. We're going to the deli across the road for some lunch and then she's going shopping. I've told her to spend the money you gave her but she's reluctant to. She's only spent a couple of hundred of it.'

'Well you've hardly spent any of the money I gave you weeks ago.' He says. I look at him surprised. 'I checked as I transferred your latest salary across to your account.'

'I've never had money to just spend before so I don't need it.' I say.

'Well it's there if you do. Sawyer is with Ana, Kate and Mia as they are sorting out wedding things and Taylor has gone to see Sophie so there's no security to go with Hannah shopping this afternoon.' He says.

'Does she need it?' I ask.

'I'd be happier if there was someone with her.'

'I can't go, I'm tiring already, once I've taken her for lunch I'll need to sleep.'

'I could take her. Mrs Jones will be here if you need help with anything.'

'Can you spare the time?' I ask.

'Yes.'

'OK thanks. You will let her spend the money from her account though won't you? Don't just take over and pay for everything. Shit she was going to get underwear and bikinis for our holiday you can't take her to do that.' I mutter.

'I can be discreet.' He says smirking.

'No.' I say 'She can shop for anything but underwear with you, in fact if you've got time can you take her for a new car. She's never had one and I was going to get her one earlier this week. I don't mind what she chooses, whatever you think is the safest. I'll transfer the money to her account for it later.'

'Sure, I like car shopping. Go and get some lunch now and then come back here. Whilst we shop you can sleep and then we'll swim when I get back. Are you happy with everyone coming for dinner tonight? I thought it would be easier than going out.'

'I'll put up with it.' I say smiling. 'We'll see you in about an hour.'

'OK, only to the deli across the road. Call me if you need anything.' He says as we leave the study together. 'Mrs Jones, please could I have some lunch, I've got a busy afternoon. See you two soon.' He says as we make our way to the elevator.

I take hold of Hannah's hand as we enter the elevator. I keep hold as we exit and walk across the foyer and out onto the street. At last I'm doing something normal. I have a huge grin on my face as we cross the road and enter the deli. We find a seat and look at the menu.

'Matt, you haven't stopped grinning since we left the apartment.' Hannah says.

'I'm so happy to be doing something normal.' I tell her.

'Did Christian not mind you coming out?' she asks.

'He didn't say anything when I told him.' I say 'Shall I go and order?'

'I'll go and order, I haven't made my mind up yet. Do you want a peppered turkey sub?'

'You know me so well already.' I say with a smile.

'I want to know you better.' She says smiling back. 'Drink?'

'Diet coke please.' I say handing her some cash.

'That surprised me; I thought you'd say milk or juice.'

'Occasionally I have diet coke.' I say smirking at her as she goes to order our lunch. I watch Hannah as she orders and waits for the food, she looks so beautiful and I can't believe that she's my girlfriend. She turns and I smile shyly at her. As she approaches with lunch she grins at me.

'What are you looking so cute for and why are you smiling shyly at me?' she asks.

'Because I'm happy and lucky to be here with the most beautiful girl in the world.' I say.

'Stop with the charm and eat.' She mutters.

'But you are.' I say 'Are you ready to have the shopping experience of your life this afternoon?'

'Matt, I'm just going to get a few things; I'm not going to blow all the money.' She says.

'Christian will make sure you spend some money.' I say smirking at her.

'Why?'

'He's coming with you. All the security are busy and I'll be sleeping, he doesn't want you going on your own.' I say.

'No. I can't shop with Christian.' She says.

'Of course you can, he's good at it. Probably better than I am. I've told him he can't take you for underwear though so he's going to take you for a car instead.' I say, which shocks her as she almost chokes on her drink.

'Matt, no. It's too much.' She stutters.

'Hannah, just learn to accept the money to buy things and the car. You'll get used to it and it will become easier in time. Please, go out with Christian this afternoon and shop like you never have before and while you're doing it think about what color car you might like. I'm sorry that I can't come with you but Christian will just be there to carry your bags and make sure you're OK.'

'Fine, if it makes you happy.' She says smiling shyly at me now.

'It will make me very happy. When your car gets delivered next week you can take me out for the day.' I say happily.

'Where do you want to go?' she asks.

'Anywhere with you. You can surprise me.' I say.

'Oh, I'll have to think. Can we plan the Hawaii trip tomorrow?'

'Sure' I say, finishing my sub and drink. 'Are you ready to head back across the road? I'm pretty exhausted now.' She nods at me and I take her hand as we leave the deli. I take my phone out of my pocket to check for messages; it wouldn't surprise me if Christian has texted to make sure we are OK. As we go to cross the road a dark car sets off causing me to pull Hannah back onto the side walk. I click the camera automatically and speed dial Christian.

'Fuck Hannah, are you OK?' I say pulling her close and hugging her.

'I think so, what happened?' she says. I see Christian emerging from Escala. He runs across the road to where we are stood.

'What's the matter?' He asks. 'My phone rang but you didn't answer when I picked up.'

'I don't know, I pressed it automatically. We were about to come back and as we set foot in the road some idiot drove and nearly ran us over.'

'Fuck Matt. I thought you'd be OK crossing one road. What were you doing?' Christian demands.

'Christian, it wasn't our fault.' Hannah pipes up. 'He just drove at us.'

'Sorry, I didn't mean to be angry with you. Did you get the license plate?'

'No, I didn't think though I had my phone in my hand and just took a photo.' I mutter.

'Good. Let's get back to the apartment and take a look. Hopefully Barney and Welch can do something with it.' He says. We make our way across the road and into the lobby area, Christian calls the lift and we travel in silence back up to the apartment.

'Matt.' Christian says as we enter the Great Room. 'You look shattered, go and get some sleep.' I nod and hand him my phone. 'Hannah I'll just make some calls and will be ready to go out in thirty minutes. Is that OK with you?'

'Yes, are you sure you can spare the time?' she asks.

'Of course. You're certainly not going out on your own now. Go and chat with Mrs Jones and I'll come and find you soon.' Christian says as he disappears into his study.

I hug Hannah and kiss her cheek. 'Christian will look after you this afternoon. Have a good time and spend plenty of money. I love you.' I say.

'I love you too.' She says hugging me back. I make my way to my room and crash out on the bed exhausted.


	64. Chapter 64-Surprises

**Hi All, Sorry this chapter has taken so long to publish. I've had recent health issues, hopefully all OK now and a more regular update will continue. Thank you for still sticking with me and reading this story. Please review if you have time, it will be much appreciated x**

I don't sleep long, in fact I've only been asleep for an hour but I feel so much better for it. I wander out into the Great room and across to the kitchen. Mrs Jones is baking and it looks like a chocolate cake.

'You've just missed Mr Grey and Hannah; they only left ten minutes ago.' Mrs Jones says.

'I don't mind, I'm not a huge fan of shopping.' I say, though I would have liked to have been with Hannah. I help myself to some juice and go to Christian's study. I look in the top drawer, the gun is still there but my car keys and phone aren't. He must have put them somewhere else. I turn his computer on and email him; at least it will go straight to his phone.

'Hi big bro, have fun shopping with my girl. I'm awake and bored. Where's my phone? Is it with the car keys?' I hit send and then spin round in his chair. The phone on his desk rings and I pick it up.

'What are you up to?' Christian asks.

'Nothing.' I say.

'Matt, you're up to something. You and bored don't go together. You're never up to nothing and you sound guilty.' He says.

'I was spinning on the chair in your study, sorry.' I mutter.

'I knew you would be up to no good.' He laughs. 'We're just at the Audi dealership, Hannah is wandering round looking at cars.'

'Shit, I haven't transferred the money yet.' I say.

'Don't worry, I'll pay.'

'Christian, I wanted to buy this for her.' I say quietly.

'You can pay me back; I'll send you the bill.' He says.

'Thank you.' I say. He must realise that I really wanted to get the car for Hannah as he would normally insist on paying.

'I'd better go; it looks like she's decided. I think it's a TT Coupe in red.' He says.

'Red' I say, I'm not overly fond of red cars but if that's what she wants I'll go with it. 'And seeing as you know my bank account better than I do, have I got enough to pay for it?'

'Yes to red, it's what the little lady wants and I'm certainly not going to argue with her. I wonder if she'd ever consider working for me?' he says and I can tell he's smiling. 'Matt, considering you're good with accounts and can look at mine and see what's wrong in an instant you have no idea of your own money, you have plenty in your account for about five cars.'

'Oh, that much.' I say, he's obviously been paying me too much again. 'And no, she's not working for you. If she's not working for me then she can stay at home and do her art work.'

'You're starting to get over protective; you'll be a control freak soon.' He jokes.

'Ha ha, remind you of anyone.' I say.

'Glad to see you're getting your sense of humour back. I'd better go before the slime ball of a salesman hits on your girl. Your phone is on top of the filing cabinet. I'm not telling you where the cars keys are. Laters' he says and clicks off so that I can't ask anything else.

I find my phone and wander back out into the kitchen.

'Is the chocolate cake ready yet Mrs J.' I ask cheekily knowing that Christian and Taylor are both out.

'No, I'm waiting for it to cool before I can do the frosting.' Mrs Jones replies.

'I'm not bothered about the frosting I'll just eat it as it is.' I say.

'Matthew, it's lovely that you have your appetite back but you can be patient and wait. The cake isn't just for you.' She scolds.

'Sorry.' I mutter.

'Don't sulk, you only want to eat because you are bored. Go and find something to do that isn't going to get you into trouble with Mr Grey.' She says. I grin at her, she knows me well.

I text Hannah as I wander to the library. 'Hope you're having fun and that Christian isn't being too over bearing. Missing you, Love Mx' I shove the phone in my pocket and search for a book, figuring I can at least lose myself in something for a couple of hours. I dread to think how long they'll take at the shops. Christian likes shopping and can spend ages looking at things and if Hannah is anything like Mia then I know I've got a while to entertain myself. I select a book on British history and then go to the TV room to stretch out on the sofa. This is my favourite room in the penthouse and the one I am most comfortable in. I am soon totally lost in the book and am only interrupted by Mrs Jones coming into the room speaking into the phone.

'I've found him; he's reading a book in the TV room.' Mrs Jones says smiling at me as she hands me the phone.

'Matt, where's your phone?' Christian demands.

'In my pocket.' I reply.

'Didn't you feel it vibrating or hear the ringtone?' he asks, sounding impatient.

'No, I was reading a book.'

'Jeez Matt, I don't understand how you get so distracted that you're not aware of anything going on around you.' He says, almost angrily.

'Did you phone for a reason?' I ask.

'No, only to check you were OK. You texted Hannah two hours ago and she replied then sent a few more texts and called but you didn't answer so she was getting worried and wanted to come and check on you.' He says calmly this time.

'Mrs Jones told me to find something to do that wasn't going to get me into any trouble with 'Mr Grey' I guess I can't even read a book quietly without you getting angry.' I say.

'I wasn't angry, just concerned and frustrated with you and your phone. We should be back in the next hour. Hannah is just trying on shoes and I'm carrying lots of bags.'

'You did let her spend some money didn't you?' I ask.

'Yes, I've let her use her own money. I've only spent money on Ana.'

'Good, I know what you're like when you're out. You don't normally let anyone else pay.' I mutter.

'I'm only giving in to my ill brother's requests and I daren't upset him at the moment because his girl will give me what for.' He says jokingly. 'I don't remember anyone speaking to me like that before.'

'Hopefully it will be the first and last time then.' I say laughing at him. 'Christian has Hannah had a good time out shopping?'

'Yes I think so; she's been giggling a lot. Why, what are you worried about?' he asks.

'Yesterday with Jordan.' I say quietly.

'Hey, don't start having doubts now. I've just spent over three hours with her and she's talked about you almost non-stop. It gets tiring after a while hearing how wonderful someone is. I hope Ana sees me in the same way that Hannah sees you.' He says and I know he's smiling. 'Hannah has finished in this store so we've got one more to do. We'll see you later.' Again he has clicked off and is gone. I can't settle with my book again so call mom.

'Hi darling boy, how are you feeling?' Mom asks.

'I'm good mom, I've only slept for an hour today and I can eat again. I think the drugs might actually be working.' I say. 'Are you having a good time?'

'Yes, it's relaxing. Dad and I have been for long walks and had lots of quiet time.' She says.

'Is dad still angry with me?' I ask.

'No darling, No-one can stay angry with you for long.'

'I miss you mom.' I say sadly.

'Hey, I miss you too. We'll be home soon.' She says gently.

'I know, I can show you my latest scar. Christian and Hannah are out shopping at the moment and the other girls are doing wedding things. Elliot is working I think. Mrs Jones is here with me. Mom when will I be able to go out and do stuff again and get my life back?'

'Soon darling. Matt, I've got to go. I'll see you soon.' She says.

'OK mom, I love you.' I say.

'I love you too darling.' She says and then is gone. I sit for a few minutes and then go to put the phone back in the kitchen.

'Chocolate cake Matthew?' Mrs Jones asks.

'No thank you Mrs Jones' I reply.

'What's the matter?' she asks gently.

'I just spoke to mom, I miss her.' I say sadly.

'Oh Matthew, chocolate cake will cheer you up.' She says gently.

'OK Mrs J. I'll have some cake.' I say and smile at her. 'Thank you.' I say as she places some in front of me. Wow this is good and is just what I need.

'Better.' Mrs Jones says when I've finished.

'Yes thanks Mrs J.' I reply and head to the piano. Mrs Jones smiles at me as I play and then she disappears, probably to do jobs elsewhere knowing that I will be OK as long as she can hear the music.

I play a mix of happy melodies and then start to sing 'Hello' by Take That followed by 'A kiss from a Rose' 'I'll Stand by you' and finally 'Fly me to the Moon.' As I finish I feel Hannah's presence at my shoulder, she wraps her arms round me and kisses my cheek.

'I love you.' She whispers in my ear.

''I love you too baby.' I whisper back and turn to kiss her cheek. 'How long have you been back?'

'Long enough to hear you sing three and a half songs.'

'Oh I didn't expect you back so soon.' I mutter shyly 'Did Christian hear?'

'Yes, and Ana, Kate and Mia.' She says with a smile. 'Christian said we weren't to make a fuss so he disappeared into his study with Ana. Kate and Mia are watching TV.'

'Shit, I didn't want anyone to know.' I say as I stand and envelope Hannah in my arms.

'I think you blew everyone away. They were so shocked.'

'Why didn't you stop me?' I ask.

'Because we were all mesmerized by how good you were. Matt seriously you are amazing.' She says whilst I just shrug my shoulders. 'Hey, don't sulk. Come and see what I bought, Sawyer should have brought all the bags up by now.'

'Did you have a good time?' I ask her.

'Brilliant, thanks. Christian is so good to shop with; he's so patient and didn't rush me. I thought he might have got bored. He's so different from what I imagined him being like from media reports. He had me in fits of giggles most of the afternoon. When we met up with the others by accident we went for a quick coffee, Ana said she couldn't believe how relaxed Christian was and she was glad he had someone to shop with because she hates it.'

'I'll be getting jealous.' I say though I'm smiling at her.

'You know you have no need to be.'

'I know, I'm happy you had a good time.' I say and take her hand and lead her upstairs to her bedroom.

'Thank you for the car. It's beautiful; I can't wait to drive it when it's delivered on Tuesday.'

'You're welcome baby.' I say as we walk into the bedroom. 'Wow Hannah you certainly had a good shop and Christian carried all these bags?'

'Yes.' She says 'He encouraged me to just buy things that I liked. I wouldn't have spent so much if I'd gone on my own.'

'So he is good at something then.' I joke. 'Show me what you bought.' I say trying to peek in the bags.

'Matt, you're worse than a kid, be patient. I'll show you in a minute and stop looking in the bags or you'll spoil the surprise.' Hannah says.

'I don't like surprises.' I say quietly.

'Oh Matt, it's not really a surprise. I just bought you some new clothes.'

'Really, you bought stuff for me?' I say, I'm totally surprised.

'Yes, though Christian did have to help me.' She says handing me some bags. There are a couple of shirts, a few t-shirts and polo shirts, a pair of jeans and some boxer shorts all from Ralph Lauren. 'Christian advised me, I didn't want to get it wrong.' She says quietly.

'Thank you baby.' I say hugging her. 'I didn't expect you to get me anything. I wish I could kiss you right now.'

'Me too.' She whispers 'Are you going for a swim with Christian?'

'I'll see if he wants to. He might just want to spend time with Ana; he hasn't seen her all day.' I mutter.

'Get your things ready, you'll be going. When we went for coffee we decided that if you wanted to swim then the girls would go for a Jacuzzi so we'll all be in the same place.' She says.

'Oh'

'Hey, what's wrong?' Hannah asks.

'Nothing, I'll go and get my stuff together.' I say and after a quick hug I head back downstairs to my room. I pull my t-shirt off as I go into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Standing in front of the mirror I stare at the scar. I don't know how long I'm stood there just looking at it but the door opens and Christian enters.

'I did knock but you didn't answer, I thought something might have happened.' He says. 'Hannah was worried about you, she thought she'd upset you. I said I'd come and find you and sent her with the others for a jacuzzi. Where's your swimming stuff, did you get it ready.'

'No, I can't go.' I say quietly.

'Why? Because of the scar.' He says and I nod. 'Matt, it's healing well and isn't half as bad as it was last week. It's only you that has a problem with it; the girls have all seen it and aren't bothered by it. Look at mine.' He adds pulling his shirt over his head. 'Hannah and Kate have never seen them and I'll still swim with you.'

'I don't notice them.'

'Exactly, so come on lets go. The swim will do you good.' He says putting his shirt back on. I follow and pull my t-shirt over my head.

'Thanks for taking Hannah shopping, she had a good time.' I say as I start grabbing my swim stuff from the closet.

'It was a pleasure. Your little lady can sure talk.' He says smiling at me. 'I'm surprised you actually got any work done in school if you sat next to her every day.'

'Oh we soon learnt that if we talked and didn't get the work done we weren't allowed out at recess and we would be split up and have to sit next to someone else so it was easier to work hard in class next to each other and then talk in the playground.' I say smirking at him. 'Come on let's go and get this over with.'

As we enter the fitness suite we can hear the girls giggling away loudly in the jacuzzi. Christian eyes narrow as he sees them sat in their bikinis, though he relaxes again when there's no-one else around. He enters the pool straight away and starts swimming laps. I sit on the edge with my feet dangling in the water watching him, my t-shirt still on. I glance nervously at the girls but they're not paying attention to us, they're too engrossed in wedding talk. I quickly take my t-shirt off and throw it on one of the poolside loungers and then pulling my goggles on I get in. Slowly I swim a lazy front crawl up and down shutting everything else out. It feels so good to be back in the water. After a while I stop at the end where Christian is sat on the side.

'Feel good?' he asks, I nod and grin at him. 'I think that's enough for today, you've done thirty minutes.' I float on my back as he continues to talk to me. 'The girls have gone back to the penthouse to get ready for dinner. Matt, the car that nearly knocked you down had false plates, Barney managed to trace them on the city CCTV as far as the bridge back to Bellevue but then he lost them. I want you and Hannah to have security with you at all times. Ryan will be back on Monday so I will assign him to you for now until Taylor sorts out some more. I don't want any arguments about this from you or Hannah. Will you speak to her or shall I?'

'I will, I probably need to apologise to her as well for just disappearing on her earlier.' I stand and climb out and Christian throws me a towel. 'Shit I'm no good at this relationship stuff.'

'Neither am I.' Christian says.

'Well you must be doing something right, you're getting married in three weeks.' I say smiling at him, he grins back at me. I pull my t-shirt back on and head for the elevator. 'I'm going to shower, what time is Elliot getting here?' I ask Christian as he follows me.

'He should be here soon. Matt I should warn you Ana was totally blown away when we got back today and you were singing, she might ask you to sing at the wedding.' Christian says as we exit the elevator at the penthouse.

'Fuck, I didn't want anyone to know.'

'Matthew Grey! That's a lovely greeting. The first word I hear is a swear word, and what didn't you want anyone to know?' Mom says.

'Mom' I say going to her and enveloping her in my arms. I hug her tightly. 'Mom, I love you. I didn't expect to see you until tomorrow.'

'I know, we were just about to board Christian's jet when you called earlier but I wanted to surprise you. You didn't tell me someone tried to run you over earlier. Christian had called dad to tell him and talk about security so we decided to come back early.'

'Mom you know I don't like surprises.' I say as I kiss her cheek. I'm so happy that she's here.

'I don't like you swearing.' She scolds.

'I'm sorry mom.' I say as Christian comes to hug her.

'Maybe Matt could show you what he didn't want anyone to know as a way of an apology after he's showered.' Christian says smirking at me. Shit how am I going to get out of this one.

'That would be lovely darling boy.' Mom says and I know I'm cornered. We walked into the Great room and I head towards my room.

'It's a good job I can't do much at the moment because I want to beat the fucking shit out of you right now. I can't wait until I can kick box again because you aren't going to know what's hit you.' I say to him as he's about to go into his bedroom next to mine.

'Bring it on.' He says with a grin. 'I warned you earlier about swearing and you didn't take any notice so it serves you right. You might listen to me next time.' I glare at him then turn and walk into my room and slam the door behind me, I'm so angry with Christian but don't want to argue with him. I head for the bathroom, strip off and stand under the hot water, this feels better but I'm still angry. I turn the shower off but feel the familiar light headed sensation, shit this is all I need right now as I sink to the shower floor. I sit with my head between my knees until I feel OK. I hear someone knocking on the door.

'Matt' Hannah calls, she tries the door but I must have locked it. I stand, slightly shakily but better than I was. Grabbing a towel I start to dry myself and unlock the door. As I leave the bathroom Christian bursts into the bedroom followed by mom.

'Darling are you OK?' mom asks, the concern is etched on her face.

'You locked the door, what if something had happened to you?' Christian says angrily.

'Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I'm fine.' I mutter turning away so they can't see my guilty face. I hear Christian sigh as he leaves the room, as I turn back mom is still there watching me.

'You're not fine are you?' mom says quietly, she knows me so well.

'Mom, I just felt light headed in the shower. I sat down for a bit until I felt OK. Please don't tell Christian, he'll be so angry with me for locking the door, I did it without thinking because I was angry with him.' I say.

'Can I check you out then?'

'Yes, where's your bag? Can you get it without Christian getting suspicious?' I ask her.

'It's in the car; you get dressed but leave your shirt off. Wait for me in here, I won't be long.' She says and then leaves. I do as I'm told and pull on a pair of the new boxer shorts and the jeans that Hannah bought me earlier. I go and sit in the chair and wait for mom. Christian beats her to it though.

'What's going on?' he asks through narrowed eyes.

'Nothing.' I say.

'So why has mom gone to the car? Is it to get her doctors bag by any chance?' he asks. I gulp and look away. How does he know? 'Matt, tell me.'

'She just wants to check me out before dinner.' I say quietly.

'Because?' he asks. He just never stops, he's so ruthless.

'Because I had a dizzy spell in the shower. Are you happy that you know now?' I say. I can see he's clenching and unclenching his fists. Shit he's angry. He glares at me and then turns and leaves without another word. I pull my knees up onto the chair and hug then whilst my chin rests on them. I feel mom's hand on my head, her fingers pulling gently on my curls. I didn't hear her come in.

'Darling, what's wrong?' she asks. I look at her through wide eyes. 'Did Christian find out?' she asks and I nod. 'Was he angry?' again I nod. 'OK, I'll speak with him but I'll check you out first.' She says gently. I know the procedure, she listens to my heart, I hold out my arm so she can check my blood pressure. She feels my back and then listens so I breathe deeply. Hannah comes in whilst she's doing the checks. I give her a small smile and she beams back at me. 'Matt, everything seems normal, are you feeling OK?' moms asks and I nod at her. 'OK, I'll leave you with Hannah; dinner will be in ten minutes.' She says and after putting her things in her doctors bag she leaves. I stand and hug Hannah, kissing her forehead. I want to lose myself in her right now but know that I can't.

'Matt, why did you lock the door?' Hannah asks gently. I shrug. 'I was worried about you.' I pull her close again to let her know I'm OK. 'Matt, have you got words?' I shake my head. 'Christian?' she asks and I nod. She pulls away from me and leaves the room; she is back two minutes later dragging Christian by the hand.

'You've got ten minutes to sort out whatever has gone on between you before we have to sit down to dinner with everyone. Both of you were the best of friends thirty minutes ago so I'll leave you to talk over what has happened. It would be quite nice to have a happy atmosphere at the dinner table rather than you two sulking with each other. You wouldn't think that one of you is a hotshot billionaire and the other is potentially heading that way to follow in his brother's footsteps but you're like two ten year olds the way you carry on with your arguments and petty squabbling. Christian you'll need to start the conversation because Matt has no words, please get him to talk before you leave this room because I'd quite like to have a conversation with him at some point this evening.' She glares at Christian and then at me before leaving the room once more. I pick up my shirt and put it on, buttoning it slowly for something to do.

'Do you still want to kick the shit out of me?' Christian asks. I nod. 'Likewise, I can't believe you locked the door. Jeez Matt. What if you'd passed out completely and hit your head again.' He glares at me.

'I didn't think, I was angry with you and just did it automatically.' I say quietly. 'You know I didn't want anyone to know that I could sing, yet you didn't think to stop me earlier instead letting all four girls hear me and then you put me in a position with mom that I could hardly refuse to sing for her. Why did you do that? I don't understand you at times, one minute you are so kind, you've been so good with me today and even Hannah but then you take it all away with a comment that you think is funny.' I say me voice getting louder and louder.

'Except now you conveniently have a dizzy spell and then go into your no words so everyone feels sorry for you after you did something stupid. Did you do it to get out of singing?' he hisses and I don't know what happens to me next but I feel my fist connect with his face. Fuck I've just punched my brother. His hand automatically goes to his face. He stares back at me in shock. I glare at him. 'Matt, that's a low blow and bang out of order. You know I can't touch you in your condition.' I continue to stare at him, the bruise is already coming out below his eye but I don't care. I feel like I want to hit him again. I turn and walk out of the room. He calls me to come back but I carry on walking. I cross the Great Room, the whole family is stood looking at me expectantly as they wait to sit down to dinner. I hesitate and then Christian appears.

'Christian, what happened?' mom says as Ana says 'Christian, your eye.' I glare at everyone.

'My loving brother thumped me.' Christian says. I shrug and eye him warily.

'Matt.' 'Matthew.' Mom, Mia and Hannah exclaim and shriek. Elliot grins and obviously thinks it's amusing. Dad shakes his head. Mrs Jones appears with an ice pack and disappears discreetly. Mom fusses over Christian and checks his eye.

'At least the bruising won't last long darling.' She says gently to him before she turns to me and stares at me coldly. 'Matthew, whatever has happened between you two this behaviour is not acceptable.' She's angry with me. I look at everyone, they don't know where to look, even Hannah is staring at the floor uncomfortably. At mom's words Elliot has taken the smirk off his face and is looking at me and then mom with a concerned look on his face, he wasn't around when she was mad with me last time so has never witnessed her being angry with me before. I gulp and breathe deeply. I don't want to be here anymore. I turn and head back to my room.

'Leave him.' Mom says 'He can stay in his room while we eat. I don't want to sit next to him at the moment so we'll have dinner without him. Let's sit down now. Hannah don't worry, he'll be fine. Leave him to calm down, come and sit next to me now.'

I sit on the end of the bed feeling sorry for myself. I don't even know why I did it; I've never hit him like that before. I've never even felt like I wanted to thump him before. I look around the room; I don't want to be here. I pick up my blackberry off the bedside table along with my wallet. Moving towards the door I listen and can hear the conversation around the dinner table. Mia is trying to convince someone about going to a club later, Christian and Ana are talking about the wedding with mom, Hannah is chatting with dad about the trip away he's just had with mom. It all seems normal family stuff and I feel totally excluded. I exit the bedroom and go into Christian's room and onto the balcony and make my way onto the fire escape. As I climb down the hundreds of steps I haven't got a clue what I'm going to do, all I know is I've got to get away. As I reach the bottom I turn my blackberry off so that they can't contact or trace me. All my thoughts as I leave Escala behind are that I'm so alone and that I'm no good for this family.


	65. Chapter 65-Monster

I find myself outside my favourite ice cream parlour 'Molly Moon's' and enter, ordering a large tub of vanilla I go and sit in a booth out of the way. All thoughts disappear as I work my way through the tub. Once finished I take out my phone, wondering if I've been missed yet. It vibrates into life as the messages start coming through. I read Hannah's first, and then some of the others.

'Matt, Where are you? I'm worried about you and everyone is frantic. Please come back, I miss you. Love Hx'

'Matt, Christian has gone thermonuclear; he has security out searching for you. Get in touch. Love Hx'

'Way to go little bro. First you thump Christian and then you disappear. The black eye is impressive though. Get in touch with someone to let them know you're OK. Laters, Elliot'

'Matt, please don't do anything silly. You know how much we all love you. Let us know you are safe somewhere. Love Mia xx'

'Matthew, I know you must be hurting but text and let us know you are OK. Your mom is upset. Love Dad'

'Where the fuck are you? You little shit. I so want to punch you back right now. I only want to know where you are because mom is distraught.' That one is from Christian and I want to punch him again. He makes me so mad. Well I'm not texting him back. Another one comes through from him 'I told you that you needed security and you haven't got any. Once again you don't listen to me. Call as soon as you read this' I don't think so; I'm not listening to him again.

Another message from Hannah, this one nearly breaks me 'Matt, I need a hug from you. All your family are worried. Your mom thinks she's to blame and is so upset. I've never seen her cry before. Please, I'm begging you. Get in touch. I want to lie next to you tonight. Lots of Love Hx' Shit, what do I do. I desperately want to hug Hannah, and kiss her and make love to her.

'Baby, I love you. I'm just not good enough for you or my family at the moment. I told you I was pretty messed up and now you know what you're dealing with you probably won't want me either. Love always Mx' I hit send. Hannah must read the message immediately as my phone rings straight away; I reject the call and switch the phone off so that I can't be tracked. I stand up and make a move; I've got to go in case they managed to trace me in the short time my phone was on. I jump on the first bus that comes along but I'm not even sure where it's going. I get off at Grey House. Sitting on the wall outside the building I switch my phone back on. Again it vibrates into life. Finally there's a text from mom.

'Darling boy, I'm sorry. I'd give anything to start the evening again and have you sat next to me at dinner. Please call, I love you.' Oh mom, I love you too. Am I ready to be found yet or do I still want alone time. I'm not sure so I enter Grey House and make my way to Christian's office. The building is deserted with it being a Saturday evening. I sit in his chair at his desk; Ana looks down at me from the huge portrait that Christian has hung on the wall.

'Matt, the tears won't stop. Please call me I want you to make them go way. Love Hx' Oh baby, I want to hug you and make the tears stop.

I send a couple of texts. 'Mom, I love you but I'm hurting so much. I need to sleep now. Love Matt x' 'Baby, I will see you soon. Please don't cry for me, I am not worth it. I'm so tired now. Love always Mx.' As I hit send another message arrives.

'Matt, please call me. Love Mom x' I reply straight away. 'I can't mom; I'm too ashamed of myself at the moment. I don't know why I did it. Please tell Christian I'm sorry.' I hit send and then rest my head on the desk and close my eyes. My phone rings, it's mom but I hit reject. It rings again and it's Hannah this time, again I hit reject. The phone on Christian's desk rings, I know it will be him. I pick it up.

'Stay where you are, Taylor will be with you in five minutes.' Christian hisses.

'I'm sor…'

'Don't even go there. I don't want to hear it.' He says and clicks off. I rest my elbows on the desk and put my head in my hands to wait. I'm so tired and want to sleep. My head is pounding and my eyes are hurting. I close my eyes but the pain doesn't go away. I hear Taylor clear his throat; I didn't hear him come into the office.

'Mr Grey, I have been given instructions to take you to Bellevue.' He says, his tone clipped. Taylor sounds so formal. I nod and stand and follow him to the door. He calls the elevator and we enter, as it descends I look at him but he doesn't give anything away. Crossing the foyer I feel slightly dizzy but concentrate on getting out into the cool evening air. As soon as I'm outside I breathe deeply and go and sit on the wall where I was earlier.

'Mr Grey' Taylor says looking at me as if I'm a stranger. I turn towards the flower bed behind me and throw up. Shit, I feel totally embarrassed. I slouch onto the floor, my back resting against the wall and put my head between my knees. I don't feel good, it's as if I'm somewhere else, totally detached from my body.

'Matt, Matt.' Taylor is talking to me now and he sounds concerned. He's crouching down next to me and I look at him through glazed eyes. He didn't want to know me a few moments ago, that hurt. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. He whips out his phone but before he makes a call I grab his hand to stop him and shake my head. 'Matt, I need to call Mr Grey.'

'No, I'll manage to get to the SUV, just drop me at Bellevue.' I say showing no emotion. I stand and walk towards the car, Taylor follows. He opens the back door and I climb in. As I sit on the back seat I close my eyes. Hopefully Taylor will drive quickly and we'll soon be there.

Twenty minutes later Taylor pulls onto the drive, I can see dad's car is there already. As I climb out of the car the front door opens. Dad is stood there and mom is behind him. I can't see anyone else. I walk into the house that I left almost a week ago. I eye both parents warily.

'Darling boy….' Mom starts. I shake my head. I'm not that anymore. I'm some horrible monster. I walk past them and start climbing the stairs; I hear mom sob and turn. Dad was talking to Taylor but he puts an arm round her. Taylor leaves and dad takes mom in his arms. I continue walking up to my room. I close the door behind me and climb under the duvet without even undressing, I'm too tired to do anything but sleep.

When I wake it's still dark outside. Someone has been in my room and left a glass of water on the side. I drink it and then find my phone. There are so many messages but I only read a few.

'Don't worry about Christian, he'll calm down eventually. At least you're safe. If you need to get away from it all you can always come and stay with me. Take care little bro. Elliot.'

'Matt, I'm so glad you're safe. Love Mia xx'

'Matt, I'll come as soon as you want to see me. Love you always Hx' I gulp when I read that one. I hit reply 'Baby, I love you and always will. I'm pretty fucked up right now and not a nice person to be with. Missing you, Love Mx' I hit send and lie back down on the pillows. There's nothing from Christian.

I go and use the bathroom and then make my way downstairs still in the clothes I slept in. I find what I'm looking for and head out of the house through the kitchen door. Crossing the patio I follow the path behind the trees and find the gate in the wall. Unlocking it I proceed into my garden next door but I'm careful to lock the gate behind me. I go and sit on the swing seat by the water. I watch the dawn break and the sun rise over the city. The phone in my pocket vibrates.

'Darling, where are you?' Mom asks.

'Watching the sun rise.' I whisper back.

'Can I come and sit with you darling?' she asks.

'Mom, I'm not a darling. I'm a monster. I'm probably best alone right now, I'm not a nice person to be with, I don't even like myself.' I say.

'Matthew, let me come to you.' Mom says gently.

'I'm on the swing seat mom.' I whisper and click my phone off. I sit and wait for her and as I see her approach I watch her warily. She comes and sits next to me and we sit in silence for a while. Eventually she takes my hand. 'I'm sorry mom.' I say quietly.

'We were all so worried about you.' She says. I don't say anything in reply. I doubt Christian was worried. 'How are you feeling health wise, Taylor said you were sick and that you didn't look good.'

'I wasn't last night, I had a headache and I think I ate too much ice cream; I went to Molly's' I say.

'Oh Matt.' I take the keys out of my pocket and give them to mom. 'You want to go inside the house?' she asks and I nod.

We walk side by side, mom is about to go round the side of the house to the front but I stop her.

'No, mommy and daddy brought me in this way.' I say looking at the patio door. I'm referring to the dream I had in the hospital. Mom smiles at me and finds the right key before opening the door. I indicate to mom to go first and then I follow her. Stepping inside I stop to look around. The first thing I see is a grand piano. I can't help but grin.

'I have my own piano.' I mutter.

'Yes, you have one in all your houses.' Mom says. I walk across the room to it and rub my hand over the lid. Mom is watching me. Instinctively I turn and walk into the hallway; I stare with wonder as I walk in and out of every room. There are photos of me everywhere, as a baby progressively turning into a five year old. Lots on my own, some with mommy and daddy and some with my Grey family. I look at them all. I walk into what was daddy's study and sit at his desk. I then head up the stairs. There are so many bedrooms but I know where I'm going. I open the door and then I'm in my childhood bedroom. I feel like I'm finally home. There's tears running down my cheeks and I can't stop them. I go and lie on the bed; I can see the outlines of the stars on the ceiling that will light up when it's dark. Eventually I stand and go to the window and look at the view. I turn and head back out, I pause outside mommy and daddy's room but I don't go in, I'm not ready for that room yet. I wander back downstairs, into the huge kitchen, then conservatory, the dining room, the living room, the family room, the TV room. The house is huge. I find mom in a small room that I don't remember. She's sat at the desk looking through a photo album, tears in her eyes. She looks up when she sees me. 'Mom' I whisper and go to her, enveloping her in a hug. We both cry together. Eventually we pull apart and go and sit on the two-seater sofa. 'I don't remember this room, all the others I do but not this one.'

'This one your mommy considered to be her office.' Mom says. 'All the photo albums are on the bookshelves in here, Matt you'll find lots of your early memories in this room.' I look around the room; the shelves are stacked neatly with albums and books. On one wall there are six photo frames with pictures of houses or buildings. I stand to look at them, mom comes with me. 'They are yours.' She says and points to each one to name them 'London, Paris, Hawaii, Sydney, New York and finally the villa in Spain.' I'm totally mesmerized.

'Wow' I say. 'I still don't think of them as mine.'

'Why don't you stay in the Hawaii house when you go with Hannah? It has its own private beach.' Mom says.

'I don't know mom, she might not want to go away with me now after last night.' I mutter.

'I think she will, you should call her and speak to her. She can't wait to see you but she's waiting until you're ready. She's still at Escala.' Mom says.

'I've totally screwed up though, haven't I? Christian must hate me. He'll never forgive me.'

'He'll calm down eventually. After all he went through a stage where he was hot headed and got into a few fights. I think you shocked him though last night. The black eye will fade in a few days, he'll just have to make sure he doesn't get caught by any paparazzi otherwise it will be all over the papers. Matt you know how he and Hannah went shopping yesterday.' Moms says and I nod 'Well it's been picked up by that dreadful Seattle Nooz site. It asks if 'The Christian Grey' is playing away already by finding another girlfriend and they wonder what Ana will do when she finds out. It doesn't mention Hannah's name but I thought you should know. You know there's nothing in it.'

'Yes I know but I guess it's something we've got to start putting up with. I feel like I want to go away and hide now.'

'Don't say that darling, I thought we'd lost you yesterday and after last week with the operation…' mom says her voice sounding shaky.

'Oh mom, I'm sorry.' I say hugging her.

'Matt, have you been happy living with us?' mom asks.

'Yes, you know I have.' I reply.

'Then why do you worry about everything so much?'

'I don't know.'

'Christian wants you to see Dr Flynn.'

'And you?'

'I think it might be a good idea. When Christian was younger he saw every psychiatrist that was recommended but it didn't do him any good so we didn't do that with you but you seemed happy most of the time. It's only now that I think we should have taken you to see someone.'

'I wouldn't have liked it and I probably wouldn't have spoken to them. I'll go and see Dr Flynn though, he might help because I don't like who I am at the moment. Why am I changing so much mom?'

'You're finally trying to grow up. You've been too over protected by us all and you're just starting to live your own life.' She says quietly.

'Mom I have a hospital appointment tomorrow, if everything is OK would you mind if I went away with Hannah for a bit. I think we need some time away from here.'

'Only if you let Taylor sort out some security to take with you. I'd rather you had someone with you. Would you go to the Hawaii beach house?'

'Yes, I think we'll start there.'

'OK, I'll warn the housekeeper you're on your way. She'll be pleased to see you after all this time.'

'I have a housekeeper?' I ask.

'Yes darling, you have so much to learn and find out. Will you be back in plenty of time for the wedding?'

'I don't know mom, Christian and Ana might not want me there. I don't think Ana was too impressed with the black eye. We'll be back in time to start school.'

'Will you call me most days? I don't want to lose you darling.'

'Oh mom you won't lose me. I love you. I just need to go and find myself and the man that's inside me.'

'I love you too darling, don't ever forget that.'

'I won't. Shall we go back now? I'd better call Hannah.' I say.

'Yes, I'd better tell your father what's happening. He can speak with Taylor about security and I'll speak with the housekeeper. I better warn her what you will and won't eat.' She says smiling at me.

'No mom, I think it's time I stopped being so fussy and started trying new things.' I say smiling back at her and enveloping her in a hug before we leave. We lock the house up and walk across the garden, back through the gate in the wall and onto the patio. Dad is sat at the table reading the newspaper.

'Hi Matt.' He says smiling at me.

Hi Dad, I'm sorry about last night.' I say.

'I'm sure you had your reasons.' He says. I'm grateful he doesn't start to lecture me.

'Matt go and call Hannah. Carrick put the newspaper down I've got a list of jobs for you to be getting on with.' Mom says and dad rolls his eyes at me. I smile back at him before disappearing up to my room. Picking up my blackberry I speed-dial Hannah. She answers immediately.

'Matt.'

'Baby, how are you?'

'Good, what about you?' she asks.

'I think I'm OK. Do you want to see me?' I ask nervously.

'Yes of course. I love you and I want to hug you and kiss you. Can I come now? I think Sawyer will bring me.' She says.

'Yes. I can't wait to see you. I love you so much.' I say.

'Oh Matt, I missed you last night.' She says quietly.

'Me too baby, let me know when you're on the way. I'm going to shower now.' I say.

'Don't lock the door.' She says and I can tell she's smiling.

'OK, see you soon.' I say and click off. I feel so much happier as I go into the bathroom. Hopefully Hannah will be here soon. I shower quickly and find clean clothes. As I head back downstairs I'm feeling optimistic and hum to myself. I go to the kitchen and hear mom on the phone.

'Christian, he's going and you can't stop him. It will do him good to get away.' 'He'll be back if you want him there.' 'Your father will speak to Taylor about security.' Mom sees me and signals asking if I want to speak. I shrug. 'Matts here now, do you want to speak to him?' 'OK, well have a good day and phone later.' Mom says and hangs up.

'He didn't want to speak.' I say.

'No, sorry darling. He was just about to set sail on 'The Grace' with Ana.' Mom offers in way of an explanation. 'Sawyer is on his way here with Hannah and I've spoken to Mrs Richards your housekeeper in Hawaii. She is very excited about the prospect of seeing you again.'

'Oh, what's she like? I don't remember her.' I say.

'An older version of Mrs Jones. She must be about fifty now. She worked for your mommy and daddy.'

'Is there a Mr Richards?' I ask.

'Yes.' Mom says and turns to mix some batter for pancakes; she must be making them for me.

'Mom, what aren't you telling me?'

'Yes, there is a Mr Richards, he is lovely. He's a doctor at the hospital.' Mom says.

'So that's why you're letting me go.' I say.

'Yes, it will make me happier knowing that he's there in case you need anything. Matt you've still had a few dizzy spells and you might get some more. Even if you only stay there a week before moving on at least he'll be there that week and then you'll be stronger still.'

'Still being over protective.' I say smiling at her and going to hug her.

'I always will be darling.' She whispers into my chest. 'I'll miss you so much but I understand that you need to do this and I need to let you go.'

'Oh mom.' I say giving her another hug and not letting go. This is how dad and Hannah find us. Dad goes to mom and takes her in his arms. Hannah runs into mine. We hug each other tightly and I kiss her forehead. Mom looks at me and mouths 'Go, have some private time.' She smiles. I beam back at her and take Hannah's hand leading her into the garden and down to the jetty.

Hannah sits between my legs; her feet are dangling in the water. My legs are either side of hers and I wrap my arms around her. I kiss the side of her head.

'Hannah, if everything is OK at the hospital tomorrow would you come away with me on Tuesday.'

'Of course I would Matt; I want to be wherever you are. Where will we go and will your mom let us?'

'Hawaii.' I say 'and yes mom approves.'

'Really.' Hannah exclaims.

'Yes really. Hannah there's some stuff you still don't know about me but I can't tell you all about it now.'

'Can't or won't.' she asks

'Won't. I don't want to scare you off. I'll start by telling you that we're staying at a house in Hawaii, it has its own private beach and a housekeeper whose husband happens to be a doctor so that's why mom approves. I think it's quite big; it has at least eight bedrooms and a huge garden and swimming pool. We have to take security with us, that's one of mom's conditions as well.'

'OK, why are we staying in a house that's so big?'

'I own it.' I mutter quietly.

'What? You own it? But you have the house next door to here.' She says surprised.

'Yes. I know. My mommy and daddy were quite rich. I've only just found out.' I say hoping that's enough of an explanation.

'Really, and you're going to take me to your house. Oh Matt, I'm so lucky.' She says.

'No, I'm so lucky that you're coming with me.' I say kissing her neck. My hands move to her breasts 'Tuesday.' I whisper

'Is the day that we can…..'

'Yes baby. It will be special. We'll wait until we get there.' I kiss her neck again and she turns to face me and giggles.

'I never bought any underwear or bikinis.' She says.

'There'll be shops there, we can go together.' I say and smile at her. 'Hannah, I'm hungry and need to eat, sorry I've not had breakfast yet.' I say standing up and pulling her to her feet. We walk back up to the house hand in hand. 'You're so beautiful, I love you.' I whisper as I kiss her ear just before we go into the kitchen.


	66. Chapter 66Bro

As we walk into the kitchen mom smiles at us. She's making pancakes and bacon but it can't all be for me. Elliot has arrived, I hear him in the hallway before he makes his way to the kitchen.

'Hey little lady, how are you now?' He says picking Hannah up and twirling her round in a hug.

'I'm good Elliot.' She giggles

'I've brought your things over from Escala; they're in Matt's room at the moment.' He tells her.

'Thank you.' She says and kisses his cheek. Elliot eyes me to gauge my reaction but I just smile at him. He puts her down and comes to hug me.

'Way to go bro. He probably deserved it.' Elliot says smirking at me. I smile back at him.

'Elliot' mom scolds.

'It's true mom, he thinks he can do stuff to people and get away with it. He doesn't like it when they do something back. All those times he hit me when we were small maybe I should have punched him back then.' Elliot says.

'I still shouldn't have done it Elliot. I'm ashamed of what I did.' I mutter looking down at the floor. 'Christian probably hates me.'

'Darling that's enough. We had plenty of upset last night, it's done with now and it's up to Christian to come and talk to you. He should have done it earlier on the phone when you wanted to. Dad said you tried to apologise on the phone from his office last night and he didn't want to know so wait for him to make the first move.' Mom says gently coming to hug me. I hug her back. 'Breakfast is ready, you must be hungry. Elliot are you staying to eat?'

'Of course mom.' Elliot says 'No-one makes pancakes like you.'

'Hannah, do you want some?' mom asks her.

'She's already put a stack load away this morning.' Elliot teases.

'And you didn't Elliot.' Hannah quips back 'I'm good though, I'm not hungry. I think I'll go and sort my stuff out upstairs, I've got a holiday to pack for.' She says smiling. I smile back at her as she disappears. Mom places the food on the table for us.

'I'm going to help Hannah; someone needs to pack for you.' Mom says and I smile as she goes.

'You're going away?' Elliot asks.

'Yes on Tuesday.' I say helping myself to pancakes and bacon as I sit down opposite Elliot. 'We're going to Hawaii.'

'Cool. I take it mom's ok with that if she's helping with the packing.' Elliot says, I nod as I have a mouthful of food. 'We went on holiday there once, you were only small. The house we stayed in was amazing; we all had our own rooms. The housekeeper was a fantastic cook. There was a huge pool and it was right on the beach. The surfing was great. I think I spent most of my time in the water. You were in the pool most of the week, you were quite a good swimmer even then, well you were better than Mia and she was four years older.'

'I don't remember.' I say and get some more pancakes and bacon. Elliot doesn't know anything about my houses yet so changing the subject I ask 'Where's Kate?'

'She's gone shopping with Mia. She has a wardrobe to rival Mia's and you know what she's like.' Elliot says rolling his eyes.

'Did you all stay at Escala last night?' I ask.

'Yes, apart from Ethan. Matt how long are you going away for?' Elliot asks bringing the subject back to the holiday.

'I don't know yet. Why?' I ask.

'You will be back for Christian's wedding won't you?' He'd be heartbroken if you're not.' Elliot says.

'He hasn't got a heart.' I say.

'You know that's not true. Matt you know that he adores you; he'd do anything for you. You're both just having a tough time with each other at the moment but you'll sort out your differences.' Elliot says gently.

'Elliot, he might never forgive me. I was bang out of order. I shouldn't have done it. I didn't even realise I was doing it until my fist connected with his face. What's he going to say when he goes to work tomorrow?' I say. 'You didn't help when you were smirking at me when you saw him.'

'I thought it was funny, you came into the Great Room as if nothing had happened ready to sit down for dinner and he came out with a black eye. Seriously though Matt please come back for the wedding, it won't be the same without you. Imagine how mom will feel and then there are the grandparents and the rest of the guests.'

'OK, if Christian and Ana want me there I will come back for it.' I say.

'Good, he'll want you there.' Elliot says convincingly though I'm not so sure. 'Now that I've helped you eat your breakfast I'd better go and get some work done.'

'On a Sunday?' I ask him.

'Only at home, I'm decorating the living room. I want to finish the painting today.' He says.

'Why don't you pay someone to do it for you?'

'Because I'm not Christian, I like to do that sort of thing myself and have a sense of pride when it's finished.'

'I'd offer to help but mom wouldn't let me.' I say.

'I wouldn't let you either. You can help me when you're better though. You'd better have something to fall back on because Christian might not want you working for him now. Punching the boss is a sackable offence.' He smirks.

'Stop teasing me, it's not funny.' I say. 'Thanks for being here though; it means a lot to me.'

'Hey, you're my little bro. Of course I'm going to be here for you. Keep in touch whilst you're away. I'm just going to see dad and then I'll go home.' He says and gives me another quick hug as we stand. Elliot goes and finds dad in his study and I go upstairs. My room looks like chaos has descended upon it, there is stuff everywhere.

'Mom, Elliot has just gone to see dad and then he's going home.' I say.

'Thanks darling, I'll go and see him in a minute before he leaves.' Mom says. 'Your room will be back to normal soon, Hannah and I have almost finished sorting out what you're taking and then the rest can go away. Elliot brought all your things back from Escala as well. Your backpack is over there.'

'Thanks mom.' I say going to find it and getting my laptop out. 'I take it you don't want me to help you in here.'

'No of course not.' She says. 'You look tired darling.'

'I'm exhausted already mom but I need to do a few things on this.' I say showing her the laptop.

'Matt you should sleep, surely whatever it is you need to do can wait.' Mom says.

'It won't take long and then I'll sleep I promise. Anyway I want to say goodbye to Elliot before he goes.' I say. 'Mom, you know we always have a family meal ….'

'Don't worry, not today.' Mom says sadly but comes to hug me.

'I'm so sorry mom.' I say as I hug her back.

'I know you are darling.' She says before going downstairs to see Elliot. I find a small space on the bed to sit and then switch on the laptop. Hannah pops in and grabs some more bags, she grins at me and I smile back.

'I'm so excited.' Hannah says.

'Really, you're going to have to put up with just me every day, can you cope?' I say to her.

'Of course, it will be good to be just the two of us.' She says smiling at me. 'Are you going to sleep soon, you look shattered.'

'Yes, I'm just going to check up on a few things and then I'll sleep.'

'OK, I'll go and sort all this stuff out now.' She says and leaves me to it. I check my emails, there's one from Christian but it's just the bill for Hannah's car. I log onto my bank account and transfer the money to the account he left me details for and then I email him.

TO: Christian Grey

FROM: Matthew Grey

SUBJECT: Bank Transfer

Christian,

I have transferred the money to your account for Hannah's car and also the money you gave her and Dr Greene's bill.

Matt

I want to write more but am not sure how to put how I'm feeling down on paper, I need to talk to him but I don't know whether I'll see him in the next couple of days. I check out a few more things on the computer and then try and do some work. I can't log onto my office account. Christian has obviously had my password changed already. Maybe Elliot's teasing earlier has become a reality.

I shut the laptop down and go back downstairs, Elliot is ready to leave. I give him a hug.

'Take care Matt, get plenty of rest and keep in touch.' He says before picking Hannah up and saying 'Look after my little bro and have some fun little lady.' She giggles and kisses his cheek again. Elliot glances at me trying to see if I'm going to react but I'm smiling at him. He grins back and then says 'Laters' before going to his car.

'Matt can I have a word in my study.' Dad says. Oh shit, is he going to lecture me now. I look at him to see what sort of mood he's in. 'Hey, don't worry. It's just to discuss your security and a few things for your holiday.'

'OK dad.' I say yawning.

'Cary, can it wait. The poor boy is shattered and needs to sleep. If you start talking to him now about security he won't listen.' Mom says to him. I smile at her gratefully.

'Yes it can wait Grace; I'll go back to my newspaper. I'll see you when you wake Matt.' Dad says.

'Thanks dad.' I say.

'Go and find a bed to sleep in one of the other rooms.' Mom says. 'I'll help Hannah finish tidying the stuff in your room.' Mom and dad head to the kitchen and I'm left standing with Hannah.

'Sorry Hannah, I really need to sleep.' I say hugging her.

'Don't worry, as your mom said we have everything to sort out that we brought back from Escala. It will all be done by the time you wake up. Go upstairs now and find a bed, I'll be waiting for you when you wake.' Hannah says kissing my cheek.

'Thanks baby. See you later.' I say as I climb the stairs. I keep going to the top floor and find myself in Christian's room. When he first went to Harvard mom would sometimes find me asleep in here and this is where I settle now. I get undressed and crawl under the duvet and I'm dreaming almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

When I wake I know that someone has been in this room watching me. There's a chair pulled up to the side of the bed. It wouldn't be Hannah; she'd have laid on the bed next to me. There's something on the chair and I go to grab it in my half sleepy state. As soon as it's in my hand I know that it's Christian who's been in here. He's left me the toy model car that I gave him for his birthday. What has he left this for?


	67. Chapter 67-Laugh

**Sorry this chapter has taken a while. I started writing another story called 'Matty' which some of you might have read. It's still in the early stages and hopefully I'll continue with it. Meanwhile, hope you enjoy this latest chapter. Best Wishes Mx**

I quickly drag my jeans back on and making my way down the stairs two at a time I pull a t-shirt over my head. The house is quiet and there doesn't seem to be anyone around but I know that I won't have been left alone. I go in and out of all of the rooms but there's no-one. Finally I go to dad's study. He's not facing his desk but has turned the high swivel chair round; he's still reading the newspaper as I can see the edges are out and open.

'Hi dad, where is everyone?' I say as I enter and make my way over to his desk. He turns the chair round and I gulp, shit I don't want to be here.

'Surprised to see me?' Christian asks. I nod. I don't know what to say and am trying to see what sort of mood he's in. Why does he intimidate me so much? His eye doesn't look too bad from a distance. 'Have you got anything to say?'

'S S Sorry.' I manage to stutter. 'I'm sorry.' I repeat. Shit. He's looking at me through his narrow gray eyes and they're not giving anything away.

'Are you scared of me?' he asks. I nod again; my heart is beating so fast. 'Why? You have no need to be.' I shrug my shoulders. 'Matt, please talk to me.' He says more gently this time. I look at the door. 'You'd rather go somewhere else and talk?'

'Yes' I say quietly. He stands and puts the paper on the desk and we walk out of the study together. As we enter the kitchen I'm still tense. Christian goes out into the back yard and I follow.

'Jetty?' he asks.

'Yes' I say and we walk down the garden in silence. Once on the jetty I roll my jeans up and as I didn't put any shoes on I sit down and dangle my feet in the water. I look up at Christian who is stood next to me.

'You want me to do the same?' he asks.

'Yes.'

'Will you talk to me now?' he asks sitting next to me and putting his feet in the water.

'Yes. Where is everyone?' I ask.

'They all went to the mall, Sawyer is with them. They were going to meet with Mia and Kate and then they're going to meet Elliot at my club at the Colombia Tower for dinner.' He says.

'Are we expected to meet them?'

'It depends on a few things.' He says uncomfortably and I look at him questionably. 'Matt, I should have spoken to you on the phone this morning, instead I took Ana on The Grace but she could tell I wasn't enjoying the sail and that my mind was elsewhere so we came back. She said I needed to sort out everything between the two of us. I then spoke to Elliot and he said pretty much the same thing, in fact he had a bit of a go at me and said if I didn't sort it out today it was highly likely that you wouldn't come to the wedding. Matt you will come won't you.'

'Only if both you and Ana want me there.' I say quietly

'Of course we do, why wouldn't we?' he asks.

'Because of last night. I really am sorry; I don't know why I did it. Ana looked so shocked that I'd done it. Even Taylor was a bit off with me when he collected me from your office.'

'Only because it's his job to protect me. He said you were sick but you wouldn't let him call me. ' he says.

'I was so ashamed of myself. I didn't even speak to mom and dad when Taylor dropped me home. So what does dinner out depend on?' I ask.

'Whether we've sorted out our differences properly this time. Mom wants us back the way we were a few weeks ago when we didn't fight or argue with each other, when we spoke to each other or saw each other every day and were the best of friends.'

'I'd like that to.' I whisper.

'So would I.' Christian says 'What do I need to do so that we can achieve that?'

'Give me some space and let me become my own person.' I say.

'Only if you have security with you.'

'OK I can handle that.' I say and looking at him ask 'What do I need to do?'

'Learn to control your temper. Consider your actions before acting impulsively.' He says and then adds 'I'd like you to go and have a chat with Dr Flynn before you go away.'

'Will he help?' I ask.

'Yes. He's someone to talk things through with about anything you want. At the moment you speak to either me, mom, dad or Elliot and then we usually speak to one another about it depending on what it is. Whatever you say to Dr Flynn stays in the room with you and him.' He says gently.

'OK, I'll try and see if it helps. I've got a hospital appointment tomorrow morning but then I'm free the rest of the day. Can you make an appointment for me or give me his number?'

'I'll make the appointment for tomorrow and then leave future appointments up to you.' He says.

'Thanks. Christian I tried to log into the office earlier but couldn't get access. Have you changed my password?'

'I had Barney do it.' He says and I look at him questionably. 'When I found out you were going away for a break I wanted you go away and enjoy your time with Hannah. I don't want you thinking about work and getting yourself lost in the laptop. I know what you're like and you can lose yourself for hours. I want you back totally rested.'

'Oh, I thought you didn't want me working for you anymore.'

'Jeez Matt, you're a genius. I'd be stupid not to have you working with me.' He says.

'What about this?' I say, moving slightly to shove my hand in my pocket and take out the car to show him. He takes it from me.

'I'll have it back now thanks. When you gave it to me with the keys you put on the note about it belonging to someone special. When I said it was too much you told me I was 'That Special' and I left you this to show you that you are 'That Special' to me. Matt since the day you were born when I saw you when you were a few minutes old you've always had a special place in my heart. Nobody can take that away from you.' He says and looks at me with total love.

'Wow Christian. I didn't realise I meant that much to you.' I whisper.

'Always.' He adds. 'I know how much I mean to you, when you said a few weeks ago about how you'd rather have me as a brother than all of the businesses and other assets you have that meant an awful lot. You've also told me over the years how much you love me. From the innocent 'I love you's' when you could first talk to you telling me that you'd do anything for me. I know you'll always be there for me.'

'Always.' I say.

'Come on, we'd better make a move. Taylor will drive us into the city. Sawyer has your SUV because he took everyone to the mall, he'll bring you all back later and then Ryan will have it from tomorrow when he picks you up in the morning. What time do you want to fly on Tuesday?' Christian asks.

'I was going to look for a mid-afternoon flight.' I say.

'Matt, you can use the jet. I told you that.' He says with a snort.

'Thanks, I didn't expect to after yesterday.' I say. 'It will be easier for us to use it.'

'Good, I'm glad that you are. Shall I tell Stefan about 2pm?' he asks.

'Yes that would be good. We're staying at my house there.'

'Really. Did you tell Hannah it was yours?'

'Yes but that's it, I've still not told her the rest. I almost told Elliot earlier. He was going on about how we all went on holiday there once and stayed in an amazing house. He said the housekeeper was a good cook and that he spent all week in the water surfing.'

'It was a good holiday. You kept everyone entertained with your funny antics. I think the housekeeper was upset to see you go because you charmed your way into her good books and she spoilt you.' He says smiling.

'Apparently she's looking forward to seeing me again.' I say as we approach the house.

'She still lives there. Matt, you'll be spoilt all week. Ah, now I know why mom will let you go, her husband was a doctor.' He says.

'Yes she's being over protective as usual.' I mutter.

'At least you can go away though, how long are you staying?' he asks.

'I don't know, maybe a week or two but we'll be back a few days before you get married.' I say.

'Matt, I was wondering if you'd be my best man.' He says looking at me expectantly. I look back horrified.

'Wouldn't Elliot do a better job? I'd have to make a speech, I'd rather sing.' I say.

'Ana will be delighted.' He says smirking at me. 'Are you sure?' I nod slowly. 'OK, I'll ask Elliot. He won't mind though I dread to think what stories he'll make up about me.' I sit on the bottom stair putting my shoes on. Jeez what have I let myself in for?

'Come on, let's go find mom and make her happy. Did she tell you we went inside the house next door?' I say.

'No' he says and is totally surprised.

'I have my own piano and there are still the stars on my bedroom ceiling. It's a big house.' I say.

'Plenty of room for lots of little Mattys.' He says teasing me. I freeze. 'Matt what's wrong?'

'Nothing.' I say. 'I'll talk to Dr Flynn about it.'

'Are you sure?' he asks looking concerned as we climb into the back of his SUV.

'Everyone called me that didn't they?' I whisper.

'Yes.' He whispers back. 'I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you.'

'You didn't. I'm just starting to remember things that I shut out for so long. In the hospital I had a dream and mommy was holding my hand. She called me Matty boy. I was having a tantrum about something.'

'You had lots of those. You were funny because you would just stop and stamp your foot.' He says smiling to himself. We sit quietly for a while.

'Christian, can I ask you something?'

'Of course, fire away.'

'Is sex the same for everyone?' I blurt out.

He coughs like he's choking and then says 'Why did you ask that?'

'I don't know, is it the sort of thing I can talk to Flynn about?' I ask.

'Matt, are you having problems with sex?'

'No.' I say to him looking horrified. 'It's just that… oh shit I can't talk to you about it I'm too embarrassed.'

'Matt, believe me I've probably done it all so you shouldn't be embarrassed.'

'Well….those handcuffs you lost years ago….I used them on Hannah…and I quite liked that she couldn't touch me. She'd made me jealous and I wanted to beat the shit out of her. I think there's something wrong with me. Can Dr Flynn help me with that?' I say.

He smirks at me. 'Matt, there's nothing wrong with you and I always wondered which brother had nicked them.'

'It could have been Mia.' I say.

'Don't even go there. Matt you're young and you and Hannah need to experiment with each other's bodies. As long as you don't hurt each other and you both consent then everything you do is right for the pair of you. Every couple is different so what I do with Ana and what Elliot does with Kate is right for us but it might not be for you and Hannah. Talk to her especially when you're away, do what's right for you both and have fun.'

'Thanks Christian, you won't tell Elliot will you.'

'No, I won't tell anyone.' He says and I know I can trust him. 'Come on we're here, let's go and face the family. They should have had the small plates so we'll be straight in at the entrees, are you happy with that.'

'Yes but we haven't ordered.' I say.

'Matt, you don't need to order, you always have the same thing and Ana was ordering for me.' He says smugly.

'Maybe it's time I changed and started experimenting with different things.' I say.

'Matt, are you talking about food or sex.'

'Both.' I say and we both burst out laughing as we exit the elevator onto the clubs dining level.


	68. Chapter 68-Dinner

As we make our way from the elevator the manager comes to greet us. He looks me up and down.

'I'm sorry Sir but you are not dressed appropriately for dinner.' He says to me trying to block my way. I'd forgotten that Christian's club has a strict dress code but it never usually bothers us as we are normally in the private dining room overlooking Puget Sound. Christian looks at him as if he's from another planet.

'It shouldn't matter that he's wearing jeans and converse we will be in the private room.' Christian says.

'Mr Grey, sorry I didn't realise this gentleman was with you and I didn't recognise he was your brother. There was a problem with the booking system and I'm afraid the private room had already been taken when your family arrived.' The manager says.

'So where are my family now?' Christian asks him.

'In the main dining room sir.' The manager says and Christian sucks in his breath, he's obviously angry.

'And the party in the private room, who are they?' Christian hisses at him.

'Sir, that information is confidential.' The manager stutters. Christian strides over to the reception desk and looks at the bookings.

'Who took this booking and let them in?' Christian demands.

'Sir, it was the new maitre'd. He'd already finished his shift when I arrived.'

'He's fired.' Christian says quite calmly. He can be so ruthless at times. I just stand staring at him. 'Now, are you going to let my brother in so that we can eat with the rest of our family?'

'Sir… the dress code…. the other diners…' the manager stammers.

'If you want to keep your job I suggest you turn a blind eye. The guests in the private room have not been members since last Monday. Please inform them as soon as they have finished the main course and have security escort them from the building.' Christian says before looking at me and smiling. 'Let's go and find mom.'

As we enter the main dining room I see a grand piano. Christian looks at me and shakes his head. I press a few of the keys to make a quick melody as we pass with my right hand.

'Matt, I said no.' Christian says.

'Too late, I've done it now.' I say smirking at him. I can see heads turning towards us.

'Jeez, will you always do it?' he asks.

'Probably.' I say as we reach the table.

'Was that you Matt?' Elliot asks.

'How did you know?' I say smiling.

'Because as soon as we heard the piano mom and dad looked at each other and raised their eyebrows.' Elliot says. Mom stands and comes to hug both me and Christian.

'It's like you're announcing your arrival in the room darling.' Mom says as she kisses my cheek.

'Oh, I never saw it like that before. I don't even know why I do it but I can never resist just playing a few notes.' I say.

'Have you two sorted yourselves out now?' mom asks looking at both me and Christian.

'Yes mom.' I say and Christian follows with his 'Yes mom' as she kisses his cheek.

'Good, I don't want any more of this silly behaviour. Next time I will bang your heads together.' She says and I look at Christian and smile. 'What's so funny?' mom asks.

'Mom, we're in the middle of a restaurant and you're telling us off. You wouldn't think that Christian is Seattle's richest man, you're treating us like we're ten.' I say.

'Well you've been behaving like it. I don't care how much money either of you have, you're both my boys and if you need a telling off I will give you one. Now sit down and let us enjoy a family meal.' She says. 'Matt, there's room for you next to me, Christian you are next to your father.' Before I sit down Mia stands and gives me a hug.

'I missed you last night at dinner baby bro.' she whispers. 'I was the one they teased all evening.'

'So I'm in for it tonight then.' I whisper back.

'Probably.' She says quietly.

'What are you two whispering about?' Elliot asks 'It certainly is like old times. First the piano and now you two whispering to each other. That's a bad sign; it always meant you were up to something.'

'Not tonight Elliot. We're just catching up.' Mia says to him. I make my way round the table to my seat between mom and Hannah.

'Hi baby.' I say into her ear and giving her a quick kiss at the same time. 'Miss me.'

'Yes, I always do when I'm not with you.' She whispers back into my ear.

'Has Elliot been keeping you entertained?' I ask, he's sitting on her other side.

'Yes I can't do anything but giggle.' Hannah says. Elliot says something quietly to her that I can't hear and sets her off giggling again.

'Matt, I'm in court all day tomorrow but I still need to speak to you about security.' Dad says.

'Sure dad, can we talk about it when we get home?' I ask him.

'Yes, that's fine.' I say and look over at Christian. He's whispering something into Ana's ear and she blushes. I turn back to mom.

'Will you miss me when I'm gone mom?' I ask.

'You know I will.' She says sadly.

'Hey mom don't be sad, I'll be back to annoy you before you know it. Besides you'll be busy helping to organise the wedding.' I say.

'I think it's because I don't know how long you're going for; you haven't said when you'll be back.' Mom says.

'We'll be back in time for the wedding.' I say.

'Oh Matt, thank you. I'm delighted that you'll be there.'

'I think it's Elliot you need to thank mom, apparently he had a right go at Christian and told him it needed sorting out today.' I say and mom looks lovingly at Elliot and smiles. He grins back at her.

'What have I done to deserve that loving look mom?' Elliot asks her.

'I'll tell you later but right now I could hug and kiss you.' Mom says.

'Not in the restaurant mom.' Elliot replies.

'Sorry about that mom, apparently there was a mix up with the booking.' Christian says.

'Who's in the private room?' I ask.

'You don't want to know.' Christian replies and then changes the subject. 'Ana is happy with what you agreed.' I look at Ana and blush. 'Elliot would you do me the honour of being my best man?' Elliot looks at Christian and then at me. I nod at him and smile and he turns back to Christian.

'I'd be delighted to, wow I'm shocked. I didn't expect this.' Elliot says totally surprised. I grin at him.

'You'll have to wear a suit and make a speech.' I say. Mom takes my hand.

'Is that why you wouldn't do it, because of the speech.' She whispers. I nod. 'Oh Matt…'

'Mom, it's OK' I say interrupting her. 'I'm going to do something else at the wedding but it will be a surprise.'

'You don't like surprises.' Mom says.

'I know I don't but this is for everyone else.' I say and smile.

'I'd better start working on my speech.' Elliot says loudly. 'Oh the fun I'm going to have.'

'What have I done?' Christian says but he is smiling. 'Ana you do realise most of it will be made up.'

'No it won't. At least there won't be as much to say about you as there will be when Matt gets married, that speech could last for days with everything he has done.'

'Was I really that bad?' I ask.

'Yes.' Everyone replies. Mom adds 'You certainly kept the whole family amused.'

'And the whole class.' Hannah adds. 'Do you remember that school trip we went on and the teacher thought she had lost you….'

'Hannah.' I say in a warning for her to stop.

'Please enlighten us Hannah.' Elliot says smirking at me 'I'm not sure we've heard this story before.'

'It was the trip to the Museum of Flight.' Hannah says.

'No' I say and put my head in my hands.

'Matthew. I haven't heard this one.' Mom says 'You must have been about six.'

'Yes I think we were.' Hannah says. 'Matt absolutely loved looking at the planes. Everyone kept moving around the displays but he was so engrossed with one of them that he didn't carry on with the rest of us. When the teachers realised he wasn't there they panicked and went back to look for him but he'd disappeared. They were asking everyone if they'd seen him and then I saw him waving at me from the cockpit of a plane. He was pretending to be the pilot.' Elliot bursts out laughing.

'It wasn't funny' I say 'I had to hold the teachers hand for the rest of the trip. She wouldn't let me out of her sight.'

'And you had to sit next to her on the bus back to school.' Hannah adds. Everyone launches into other funny school stories.

'I didn't hear about this.' Mom says quietly to me. I look at her warily. 'What's the matter darling?'

'Mom, it happened about two days after you'd adopted me. I was so worried that you would be cross with me and wouldn't want me anymore that on the bus journey back I'd worked myself into such a state that I threw up. I think the teacher felt sorry for me and just told you that I wasn't well.' I say quietly.

'Oh darling.' She says sympathetically just as the waiter brings our food.

'What did you order?' I ask Hannah.

'The beef.' She replies as my plate is placed in front of me. She looks at mine. 'That wasn't on the menu.'

'I know. I don't like anything on the menu. I always have this.' I say and then look round to see what everyone else has ordered.

'Ah, that would explain why when everyone ordered the waiter just said to your mom 'Is Matthew joining you this evening ma'am.' and she nodded. I thought it was strange that she didn't need to say what you wanted.'

'I told you yesterday what I was like.' I mutter to her as I take my first mouthful of lasagne.

'I know. I just didn't expect for the restaurant to cook you something that wasn't on the menu.' She says. I shrug at her.

'I only employ the chef because he knows what Matt likes.' Christian says to Hannah. She looks at him in awe.

'You own this place?' she asks. He nods and smirks.

'He owns most of Seattle.' Elliot says. 'Wherever you work in this city Christian will probably be your boss.' I look at Christian and dad and smile at them. They both smile back at me knowing that I own the rest. I continue to eat listening to the conversation.

'Matt, you never told me you were going away on Tuesday.' Mia says. 'Hannah has just said you are going to Hawaii. I am so jealous.'

'Why, we won't be doing anything apart from sitting in the sun, swimming and surfing.' I say with a smirk.

'Surfing?' mom asks raising her eyebrows at me.

'We'll see mom.' I say

'I'd love to go there though. Last time I was only small but I remember parts of the holiday.' Mia says.

'It was amazing.' Elliot says 'Do you remember that big house we stayed in Mia? The pool was fantastic and it was next to the beach.'

'Is that the house we're staying in Matt?' Hannah asks innocently. Shit, I freeze. I didn't expect it to come up in conversation. I look at dad and Christian. Elliot looks at me puzzled.

'Yes it's the same house.' I say.

'Oh wow, Mia isn't the only one who is jealous. I'd love to go back there.' Elliot says. 'How come you're going there, does mom know the owner?'

'Sort of.' I say. Hannah looks at me as if she's realised what she's just said. I rock back so my chair is on its two back legs. Elliot does the same; it's something we've done often over the years when we've wanted to speak to each other behind Mia's back. 'Have you finished?' I mouth, he nods. 'Bathroom.' I mouth again and he nods again. I put my chair back to its usual four legs and stand up. 'Excuse me; I just need to use the bathroom.' I mutter.

'I'll come with you.' says Elliot. Mom looks at us both questionably; she knows we're up to something. So does Christian, he looks at us through narrow eyes.

'Don't touch the piano on the way past.' Elliot says. I look at him. 'Matt, please, just this once.'

'OK, can I touch it on the way back?' I say smiling at him.

'It depends on what you're going to tell me.' He says as we walk past the piano, I keep my hands in my jeans pockets so that I'm not tempted. 'I can't believe you actually listened to me, that's a first.' He says smiling at me as we enter the bathroom. I have a quick look to make sure no-one else is in here. 'So what did you want to tell me? Is it something to do with the Hawaii house?'

'Yes, I own it.' I say.

'Fuck Matt.' Elliot says, totally shocked.

'I couldn't tell you at the table, I don't want everyone to know and I didn't want to make an issue of it.' I say 'You can go there anytime you like.'

'Thanks, that's really generous of you.' Elliot says.

'Does that offer extend to me?' Christian asks as he comes in to join us.

Of course, I wondered how long it would take you to join us.' I say.

'Thanks little bro. How much have you told him?' he asks nodding at Elliot.

'Only about the Hawaii house.' I say, Elliot stares at me and then at Christian.

'There's more?' Elliot asks.

'The house next door to mom and dad.' I say with a shrug.

'I can't believe it. I loved spending time there. I wondered why no-one moved in.' Elliot says. 'Is there anything else you're not telling me?' I look at Christian and he nods.

'Elliot, the next bit goes no further than here until I'm ready to tell people. Hannah doesn't know any more than what I've just told you.' I say.

'OK.' He says cautiously.

'Do you remember any other houses that you stayed in on holiday with my mommy and daddy?' I ask.

'Yes. There was a really nice one in London and then there was a big penthouse in Sydney and an apartment that had lots of bedrooms in Paris I think.' Elliot says

'Yes, I own all those, and a villa in Spain.' I say.

'Oh yes we went there as well.' Elliot says.

'Apartment in New York.' I say.

'No, we didn't stay there. I think we stayed in a hotel when we went there.' Elliot says.

'We did, the apartment only has a couple of bedrooms and I think your daddy just used it when he went on business.' Christian says.

'That's it Elliot, I only found out a couple of weeks ago and it hasn't really sunk in that I have them. I don't remember any of the holidays though.'

'I'm shocked.' Elliot says 'I knew that your daddy was rich but I didn't realise he owned all those houses and that they would be yours. Thanks for telling me, I won't say anything.'

'Thanks, especially to Mia, she will tell everyone and I'm not ready for that at the moment.' I say.

'If you need any work doing at any of them, I'm your man.' Elliot says smirking at me. I grin back at him.

'Come on you two, we'd better get back to the table. I think they will have ordered dessert.' Christian says. We leave the bathroom and as we pass the piano I press a few keys in a simple melody.

'I've done it now.' I say as Christian and Elliot both look at me.

'You always say that.' Elliot says. 'Even the first time you did it you said it.'

'I don't remember.' I say.

'I'll tell you one day.' Elliot says as we approach the table and he goes to sit down. Christian pulls me to one side.

'You didn't tell him the rest.' He says quietly in my ear.

'I can use the houses now; the rest isn't mine for three years so no-one needs to know anything else. That information needs to stay between me, you, mom and dad.' I whisper. He nods at me and I sit down in the empty seat between Ana and Elliot. Mia has moved to my seat between mom and Hannah.

'Where's Kate tonight?' I ask Elliot.

'Family dinner she couldn't get out of.' Elliot mutters. 'I'm seeing her later.' He then turns to talk to Hannah and Mia and they are giggling at him. Mom looks at me and raises her eyebrows as if to ask me if I'm OK. I nod at her and smile.

'Thank you for agreeing to sing at our wedding Matt.' Ana says quietly to me.

'That's OK, can we keep it quiet though. I want it to be a surprise for everyone, especially mom.' I say back quietly to her. She nods at me and smiles. 'I'm really sorry about yesterday, I must have ruined everyone's evening.'

'Don't worry about it. It was a bit of a shock to see Christian's eye like that but I'm used to it now. I told him I'd give him one to match it if he didn't sort out everything with you today.' Ana giggles. I burst out laughing.

'He didn't tell me that' I say.

'What are you two whispering about?' Christian asks us 'You're making me jealous.' He adds as he kisses Ana's ear. He must say something because she is blushing again.

'We're just talking about the wedding.' I say.

'When do you think you might want the jet to come back? Elliot is arranging a boys night sometime the week before the wedding and of course we want you there.' Christian says.

'How about a week on Friday, that gives us ten days away and we'll have a week here before you're married?' I say.

'OK, I'll sort that out with Stefan.' Christian says.

'Are you OK with that Hannah?' I ask her. 'We're going to leave about two on Tuesday.'

'That's fine, what time do we need to leave to check-in?' Hannah asks. I smirk at her and Christian smiles.

'Hannah, whoever drives you to the airport will just pull up at the side of the jet. You don't even go into the terminal.' Christian says.

'Oh, we're going on your jet?' Hannah asks.

'Yes Hannah we're going on Christian's jet. It means you can take as many bags as you like which in Mia's case is good because she takes her whole wardrobe. Are you going to take all your art things?'

'I hadn't really thought but yes I suppose I can do.' Hannah says.

'Matt Grey you are so cheeky. Though as there's plenty of spare seats on the jet and spare bedrooms I could come along and keep Hannah company whilst you sleep all the time and recover. After all I could do with a holiday before I start university.' Mia says. I look at Hannah who shrugs at me. Elliot looks at me and then Hannah.

'Do you want to swap seats Hannah so that you can have a private conversation?' Elliot asks her. I nod at her and she giggles.

'Yes please Elliot.' She says as she stands. Dessert arrives whilst they're swapping.

'Something else that isn't on the menu.' Hannah says looking at my ice cream.

'I know what I like.' I say with a shrug. 'What have you got?'

'Crème Brulee. Do you want to try some?' Hannah asks. I nod shyly and she picks up my spoon and puts a small amount on it for me before feeding it to me. 'You like?'

'Yes' I whisper and nod. 'I've not had that before.' I feel like I'm being watched and look up to see the rest of the family looking at me in amazement.

'What's wrong?' I ask.

'Darling boy nothing's wrong.' Mom says. 'You've just never tried anything before. You're always so interested in what everyone else eats but you will never try what we have. It was lovely to see you have something different.'

'Oh' I say looking at her shyly and putting my head down to start on my ice cream.

'Do you want some more?' Hannah asks me quietly. I look up and see everyone is eating their own desserts and not watching us anymore. I nod and smile at her and help myself to another spoonful. I move my bowl towards her and she has some ice cream and then we share both desserts.

'So what do you think about Mia coming away with us?' I ask her.

'I don't mind, it's up to you.' Hannah says. 'She's your sister.'

'I know, but I wanted some alone time with you.' I whisper in her ear.

'We'll still get that and if you're resting it will give me someone to talk to.' She says back quietly.

'OK, we'll take her. Are you sure you're happy?' I ask and she nods. 'So Mia, do you think you can manage to pack your bags in time for a two o'clock departure on Tuesday. That's what time the plane is leaving.' I say grinning at her.

Mia looks at us shocked and then stands to come and hug us both. 'Really, you guys are going to let me crash your holiday. Are you sure?'

'Yes Mia, but if we say we want some alone time then you will have to find something to do on your own.' I say.

'I'm good with that. Oh wow, I can't believe that I'm going away with you two. Oh it's going to be amazing.' Mia says.

'Mia, come and sit back down and calm yourself.' Mom says smiling at me. Christian smirks at me and Elliot looks at me in wonder.

'You're seriously taking Mia with you.' Elliot says.

'Yes, I would invite you as well but you've only been back a week after your last holiday.' I say.

'I'm gutted; I would have waited had I known.' He says.

'What, you'd have given up a holiday with Kate to come with us.' I say.

'It would be a close call.' He mutters 'Hawaii was amazing.'

'So you keep saying, maybe we could all go when me and Hannah have autumn break at school.' I say to him.

'Really, oh wow that would be great.' Elliot says grinning at me.

'Mom, can you get the holiday dates and let everyone know so that if they want to come they can. Will you and dad come as well?' I ask her.

'Oh Matt, we'd love to. Christian, what about you and Ana?' Mom asks. They look at each other and Ana nods.

'Sure mom, we'd love to come as well. Let us know the dates.' Christian says and smiles at me. I look at Hannah and taking her hand give it a small squeeze.

'Are you OK with all this baby?' I whisper to her.

'Yes. I love being with you and your family.' She says and gives me a look that says she loves me.

'Mom, me and Ana are going to make a move now. We've got work tomorrow and I've got an early breakfast meeting.' Christian says.

'OK darling, I think we're all probably ready to leave.' Mom says.

'Elliot, Mia you can come in our car. Taylor will drop you home.' Christian says. 'Sawyer will drive you four back to Bellevue.'

'Thanks Christian and thank you for dinner.' Mom says as we all stand.

'You're welcome mom.' Christian says and we all move towards the elevator.

'Don't we pay?' Hannah asks me quietly.

'No, Christian will sort it out. I think he gets billed for it at some point.' I say.

In the foyer Mia hugs me and Elliot hugs Hannah and then I kiss Ana's cheek and hug Christian. Saying goodbye to each other we climb into the waiting SUV's. Dad sits in the front of mine, next to Sawyer. Hannah is in between me and mom.

'Sir, I think we're being followed.' Sawyer says to dad. I whip my head round and can see a dark car behind us. It is the one that tried to run us over yesterday. I pull my phone out of my pocket and hit the speed dial automatically.

'Where are you?' I ask Christian as soon as he answers.

'We're just passing SIP on our way to drop Elliot off.' Christian answers.

'OK, you're not far behind us. We're being followed by that car that tried to run us over yesterday.'

'Taylor go faster, catch up Sawyer. Matt are you still there.' Christian says.

'Yes.'

'OK, Sawyer is speaking to Taylor now. Did you get a look at the driver?' he asks.

'No, it was too dark. Hannah don't look. Keep your head down.' I say.

'Matt, don't panic. We're behind the car now. Sawyer is going to U turn and take you back over the floating bridge.' Christian says.

'Christian. No.'

'Matt, please.' Christian pleads. I don't say anything. 'Matt, give the phone to dad.' I hand the phone to dad in the front of the car and close my eyes. I don't want to know where we are. Hannah takes hold of my hand.

'He's got his eyes closed.' I hear dad say. I feel the car turn and I know we're heading back the other way. Suddenly the car stops. I open my eyes and Sawyer is out. 'Stay where you are.' Dad says to us all in the back. He gets out but only to climb in the driver's seat and then he sets off. 'We're only going as far as Escala.' He says. It's not long before we're pulling into the underground car park. I didn't realise Christian's SUV was following us. As we climb out of my SUV Elliot gets out of the driver's seat of the other and Mia and Ana out of the back.

'Go in the elevator and then stay in the penthouse. I'm going back to get the others.' He says and then he's back in the car and gone. I'm still holding Hannah's hand as we enter the elevator. I look at mom.

'Darling, it's ok.' She said.

'What happened? I had my eyes closed.' I say.

'As we did the U turn Taylor managed to cut in front of the other car blocking the other driver. He was straight out as was Sawyer and they were dealing with whoever it was following us. We'll have to wait for more details when Christian gets back.' Dad says. He pulls mom into his arms. As we enter the penthouse Ana heads straight to the kitchen and starts organising drinks for everyone. I climb onto one of the barstools and rest my head in my hands. I'm willing my brothers to get back quickly. Mom comes up behind me and envelopes me in a hug.

'Darling are you OK?' mom asks.

'I don't know mom. I was scared but I don't know whether it was from whoever was following us or the thought of the floating bridge.' I say quietly to her so no-one can hear.

'Oh Matt darling. Even after all these years you still panic about it.' Mom says gently.

'I know mom, maybe I'll talk to Dr Flynn about it tomorrow.' I say as I hug her back.


	69. Chapter 69-Bridge

I see dad disappear into Christian's study. Ana, Mia and Hannah are sitting on the large white sofas. Mom is hovering beside me.

'Mom go and sit down on the sofa, I'll go and see dad.' I say to her.

'Darling, I'm worried about you.' Mom says.

'I'll be fine, I'm sure when Christian gets back with Taylor they will have sorted this out.' I say standing to give her a hug. 'Go and talk with the girls, they'll be talking weddings and holidays so it will take your mind off me.' I kiss her cheek and then head to Christian's study to find dad.

'Matt, here's your phone.' Dad says as I enter the study.

'Thanks dad, have you heard from Christian?' I ask.

'Yes, he's just called. He said you're not to worry and that they're on their way back here now.'

'OK. Mom's worrying about me. Sometimes I think it would have been easier for you if I'd been in the car almost thirteen years ago.'

'Matt don't ever think that and don't let your mom hear you say it either. I don't know what we'd be like as a family if we hadn't had you with us. Everyone loves you so much. You're the one that has put a smile on our faces over the years.' Dad says.

'Not so much the last few weeks though.' I mutter.

'You've had a difficult few weeks but hopefully things will change for the better. Are you sure about taking Mia away with you? I'll speak to her if you'd rather just go with Hannah.' Dad says gently.

'It's fine dad, she knows what I'm like. I haven't had a nightmare for a while but I'm worried in case I have one on holiday. At least she knows about them.' I say quietly.

'So you're taking her as a comfort blanket because me and mom aren't there for you.'

'Yes.' I whisper looking at him with the fear showing in my eyes.

'Matt, what can we do to help you?' I feel like we've let you down.'

'No dad you've done everything you can for me. I'm going to see Dr Flynn tomorrow to see if he can help me.' I say, he looks at me with sorrow in his eyes. 'Dad, growing up in this family couldn't have been better. You and mom have always been there for me and I can't thank you enough for that, it's just sometimes my head gets a bit messed up and I don't really know who I am. Hopefully with Dr Flynn's help and a holiday I'll be able to sort myself out. I still can't believe that I thumped Christian, I'm so ashamed of who I have become.'

'I was shocked when I saw his eye but Matt you must have had your reasons and you don't need to explain them to me. You've had a tough week, it can't have been easy for you stuck in hospital and I didn't help getting angry with you the other day and just taking mom away. In hindsight we probably should have stayed here, you needed mom didn't you?' I nod and look away. I don't want him to see how upset I am. I turn and go and sit on the sofa at the far end of the study. When I look back to the desk dad has gone but then mom appears.

'Darling boy, what's wrong? Dad said you were upset and he didn't know what to say to you.' Mom says coming to sit next to me.

'Mom, I'm OK. I was just having a moment. I'll be fine.' I say. She looks at me the concern is etched on her face. 'Don't worry mom, you and dad can't be there for me all the time. I need to grow up otherwise I'm never going to leave home and live my own life. I can't live in the past any more having regrets and worrying all the time. I've got to move forward and live life to the full. I should be grateful that I'm still alive.'

'OK but answer me this question. If you weren't so scared about change and leaving home and being away from this family where would you go to university and what would you study?' mom asks.

'That's two questions mom, I'm going to Pullman with Hannah.' I say but look away.

'Look at me and answer the questions.' She says with a determined voice that makes me look at her.

'OK, I can answer the first one straight away, it's Cambridge. The second one is more difficult, there's so much I want to learn. I think it would either be music or math.'

'You want to go to England.' I nod at her. 'Why would you choose that university?'

'It's one of the best in the world and I want to row in the boat race that we watched once.' I say.

'Oh Matt, you do pick things for funny reasons.' mom says smiling at me. 'Did you know that it was the university that your mommy went to?'

'No.' I whisper. I look at mom not sure what else to say.

'She had the most amazing time there, she would be very proud of you if you followed in her footsteps.' Mom says gently.

'It's a long way mom, and what about Hannah?' I ask.

'Matt, you have to do what you want and what is best for you. If Hannah stays here she will wait for you darling, you'll have been together for over a year by the time you leave. University semesters aren't that long, you can come home for the holidays and we can visit you. Please think seriously about this. Whilst you're away this week look into the courses and what you need to do, it might mean you have to do something different at school this year to qualify for entry. Talk to Hannah, she will understand darling.'

'OK mom, I'll think about it. When I told dad that I was going to Pullman instead of Harvard he told me that you'd be happy because it was a drive instead of a flight. England is a long flight mom.'

'Yes I know. Remember I've been in a similar situation before. Your mommy and I were inseperable but we coped and we were probably better people for it. It made our friendship stronger. Today communication is so much better we can speak on the phone everyday and we're lucky enough to be able to afford to jump on a flight if we need to or even borrow Christian's jet. When I went to university I would spend my time writing letters to your mommy and wait desperately for a reply. We couldn't afford the airfare to visit often.' Mom says as Christian bursts into his study. 'Please think about it for me and for your mommy.' She adds quietly before giving me a hug.

'OK mom, I will.' I say hugging her back and kissing her cheek.

'Am I interrupting something?' Christian asks.

'No, we've just finished.' I say as dad walks into the room.

'All OK?' dad asks looking at mom.

'Yes Cary, I'll tell you about it later.' Mom says smiling at him.

'I take it you all want to know what happened earlier.' Christian says.

'Yes' we all say.

'OK, the person following you was one of Hannah's brothers. He did try and knock you down yesterday but had second thoughts because he didn't want to hurt Hannah. He has followed her all day today but luckily couldn't get hold of her because of the security. He wanted you out of the way so that Hannah would go back home to her mom. Apparently the whole family is suffering because as she's not helping in the shop any more then her mom can't help with the babysitting.' Christian says. 'Hannah's mom wants to see her Matt.'

'OK, I won't stop Hannah seeing her but it's entirely up to her. If she went before we went away could someone take her? It's probably best if I'm not there.' I say.

'I'll get Sawyer to drive her, she's used to being with him.' Christian says looking at mom.

'I'll go with her darling, we'll go tomorrow whilst you're at your appointment with Flynn.' Mom says.

'Thanks mom.' I say. 'Does Hannah know?'

'No not yet.' Christian says.

'OK, don't tell her about her brother just yet. I'll just tell her that I think it will be a good idea if she went to see her mom and that you'll go with her, is that ok with you mom?' I say.

'Yes.' Mom says.

'OK, I'll go along with that as well.' Christian says. 'Now security, Sawyer will come with you to Hawaii.'

'But he is always with Ana.' I say.

'Ryan can be with Ana, he has just been on a break. Sawyer can come with you along with two others that are starting tomorrow. Sawyer will train them and watch them until I am happy for them to be alone with you and Hannah, I don't want the same mess that happened last time. Besides you'll need extra if you're taking Mia with you. Are you sure about that decision?'

'Yes.' I say looking at dad. Dad looks at mom and I know he will tell her my reasons later.

'I think it's time I took everyone home. I didn't drink tonight luckily so I'll drive Matt's SUV, we'll take Mia with us as well.' Dad says.

'Thanks dad, Sawyer can take Elliot home.' Christian says. As mom and dad leave the study Christian holds me back. 'Are you OK?'

'Yes.' I say.

'Matt, I'm sorry about the floating bridge. In the heat of the moment I forgot.' Christian says.

'I need to get over it at some point. I'll talk to Flynn about it.' I mutter.

'Do you want Taylor to drive you on it?' Christian asks.

'Maybe one day. Let me speak to Flynn first. I can't get the pictures out of my head.' I say quietly.

'You were never meant to see them.' Christian says gently. 'We only left you for a minute watching cartoons and you put the news channel on by accident.'

'I was always doing stuff I shouldn't and I still never learnt from it. Fuck, seeing the car crushed between two lorries on that bridge isn't something that goes away. I've forgotten so much else from my early life but I can't forget that.' I say. I put my head down and the next thing I feel is Christian's arm around me guiding me back towards the sofa. I put my head in my hands. 'I can't go out there yet. I can't face anyone.' I say.

'OK, shall I leave you alone?' Christian says.

'Yes, let me sort myself out and then I'll come out.' I say.

'Have you got your phone?' he ask, I nod and show him. 'If you want me back in here text me.' He says before leaving me with my thoughts. I sit for a while then stand to leave the study. I stand at the entrance to the Great Room, dad sees me first.

'Are you ready to go home?' dad asks. I nod at him. Everyone stands and makes a move towards the elevator.

'Will you be OK?' Christian asks. I nod. 'Text me when you can.' Again I nod. As we enter the elevator mom looks at me and I can tell she's worried. Hannah is stood next to me and I pull her close and hug her.

'I love you baby.' I whisper in her ear. She hugs me back hard and kisses my cheek.

At the car I climb into the front seat next to dad. Mom, Hannah and Mia sit in the back and all are subdued. As we exit the garage dad indicates to go right.

'Dad go left.' I say.

'Matt, that will take us over the floating bridge.' Dad says quietly.

'I know, I need you to do this now. Please dad.' I say clearly.

'OK, if you change your mind before we get there then let me know. We can turn round and go the other way.' Dad says.

'I won't. Even if I have to keep my eyes shut I want you to keep going. I have to get over this fear before I can start moving forward with everything else.' I say.

'Darling boy…..' mom says but I interrupt her.

'Mom, if I can't do this then I can't even think about what we talked about earlier.' I say turning round and looking at her, Hannah and Mia. 'Don't worry, I'll get over this. I just need some help.'

'OK darling, we're all here to help you.' Mom says rubbing my shoulder. Hannah leans forward and kisses me before we set off.

'Let's go dad, the sooner you start driving the sooner it will be over.' I say.

'OK son.' Dad says and smiles at me.


	70. Chapter 70-Relief

Dad drives and as we get nearer to the bridge I feel my body becoming tense. Shit, why did I tell him to come this way? I grip the sides of the seat. I breathe deeply.

'Are you OK?' dad asks.

'Yes' I whisper. Fuck, I'm not OK at all. I stretch out my legs and my body is rigid. I close my eyes. I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. Dad starts to slow down.

'Matt, do you want me to turn round?' dad asks.

'Keep going.' I manage to say through gritted teeth. I open my eyes just as we start the journey across. I can't breathe, I'm holding my breath. My eyes stay open, I can't blink, I just stare straight ahead. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I want to scream. The hand squeezes my shoulder. I want to cry. I know dad is driving fast but it seems to be taking forever, we've only just passed the halfway checkpoint. I focus on trying to breathe, shit it's so hard. In and out, oh fuck my chest feels so tight.

'Darling, we're nearly there.' Mom says gently. Breathe. I can see the end. Oh thank God, we are nearly at the other side. As dad exits the bridge I feel my body sag with relief though I'm still gripping the sides of the seat.

'We'll be home in five minutes.' Dad says.

'Darling, it's OK. We're over the bridge.' Mom says. I sit totally dazed. I can breathe again. When dad pulls onto the drive and switches the engine off I still cannot move.

'Matt, we're home.' He says gently looking at me. I'm still staring straight ahead. My door opens and mom envelopes me in a hug.

'Oh darling boy.' She says sobbing as she hugs and kisses me. I turn in my seat and hug her back.

'Mom, please don't cry. I'll be OK.' I say. 'It will be easier next time.' Dad takes mom in his arms and she cries into his chest. I hate seeing her cry because of me. 'I'm sorry dad, I didn't want mom to get upset.'

'Don't worry Matt. She'll be OK. How are you?' he asks.

'Tense but I'll be fine.' I say. Mia hugs me tightly.

'Oh Matt, you were so brave.' Mia says kissing my cheek. 'I am so proud of you.'

'Thanks Mia.' I say and then look at Hannah shyly. I hold out my arms and she comes to me and I envelope her in a hug. She hugs me back tightly. I kiss her cheek and then look at her. 'I told you I was fucked up.'

'Matthew Grey.' Mom says.

'Sorry mom.' I say and grin at Hannah. 'Sorry baby.'

'It's OK, I love you.' Hannah says smiling back at me.

'I love you too, come on lets go to bed. I want to fall sleep next to you.' I say and take her hand. We follow mom, dad and Mia into the house. Before we climb the stairs I let go of Hannah's hand and hug mom once again.

'I love you mom. I'm sorry if I upset you.' I say as I kiss her.

'I love you too darling boy. There's still a long way to go but we'll get through this together. I'll be there to help you.' She says gently.

'Thank you mom.' I say and then take Hannah's hand once more to climb the stairs. Once in my bedroom I hug Hannah again.

'I so want to lose myself in you now.' I say to her as I hug her tightly. She looks at me and grins. 'No, we'll wait, Tuesday will be special.'

'Even with Mia?' Hannah asks.

'Yes.' I say quietly and look away.

'Matt, what is it?

'The bridge, it's where my mommy and daddy were killed in the accident. Dad took me over once when I was small and I freaked out. I was sat in the back with Christian and he had to hold me until we got to the other side. Since then we have always gone the other way until today. I saw pictures on the news channel, I was supposed to be watching cartoons. I sometimes still have nightmares, I never slept much even when I was small but before I was ill I hardly slept. Christian doesn't sleep much either so we often played the piano together in the middle of the night. Hannah I'm scared that I'll have a nightmare when I'm asleep with you. Mia knows what I'm like and as dad calls it she's my comfort blanket. I've never been on a sleepover before, until recently mom or dad have always been in the room next to me. If I tried to sleepover at Elliots or Christians they would often have to bring me back here in the middle of the night or sit on the end of the bed until I finally fell asleep again. Shit Hannah the more I tell you the more I realise I'm totally fucked.' I say sitting on the end of the bed and putting my head in my hands.

'Matt, I still love you. You'll get through this, look at what you've achieved tonight.' Hannah says gently coming to sit next to me.

'I'm going to see someone tomorrow afternoon, he's called Dr Flynn. Christian thinks it will do me good to talk to someone apart from family about everything.'

'Is he a psychiatrist?' she asks. I nod. 'Do you think it will help?' I nod again.

'Whilst I'm there I want you to go and see your mom.' I say.

'No'

'Please Hannah, mom will go with you. Just try and talk to her before we go away. I don't want to come between you and you only get one mom. I lost my mommy but I was lucky enough that mom was there for me.' I say.

'OK, I'll go and see her and try and talk to her but if she says one thing I don't like then I'm leaving.' She says.

'OK baby, thank you for doing this for me.' I say, relieved that she's agreed to go. 'Shall we try and get some sleep?'

'Yes, I'll just use the bathroom first.' She says kissing my cheek. As Hannah goes into the bathroom I take my phone out of my pocket and speed dial Christian. It goes to voicemail as I thought it would. I leave him a quick message to tell him I'll catch up with him tomorrow and then switch it off. I undress quickly and climb into bed exhausted. As Hannah comes back into the room I watch her as she undresses. I smile at her as she looks at me.

'What?' she asks.

'I'm enjoying the view.' I say. 'Come and lie next to me, I want to feel your body next to mine.' She grins at me and climbs in.

'Matt, you have nothing on, not even your pants.' She says shocked.

'I know, take yours off. I want to be next to you skin on skin.' I murmur in her ear. I help her take her panties of and pull her close. 'Oh baby, this feels so good.'

'And this feels so hard.' She says taking my erection in her hand. I close my eyes and then feel her take me in her mouth.

'Hannah no, please it won't take long and I want to wait.' I mutter as she grips me and bares her teeth. Fuck I really do not want to come like this. I grab her under her arms and move her on top of me. She pouts. 'Please Hannah. Let's wait.'

'I just want to make you happy and relieve all the tension in you.' She says.

'I am happy and I need to sleep.' I say and roll on my side taking her with me. 'Roll over and I will lie behind you. We've got a busy day tomorrow and need to sleep.' I reach to turn out the light and pull her close her back to my front. 'Sleep baby, I love you.'

'I love you too Matt Grey' she whispers as I fall asleep.


	71. Chapter 71-Spoilt

When I wake I'm alone in bed though someone has left a glass of juice for me which I drink gratefully. I climb out of bed and quickly drag on some sweat pants and make my way downstairs.

'Morning baby.' I say to Hannah who is sat at the kitchen table eating a bagel. I hug and kiss her. 'Where is everyone?'

'Your mom and dad have gone to work. Mia has gone to the mall to shop for our holiday tomorrow. Sawyer is collecting us in an hour so that he can take you to your hospital appointment.' Hannah says.

'OK, is that all you're eating for breakfast?' I ask and she nods. 'Can I tempt you with an omelette?'

'No, I'm fine with this. Do you want me to make it for you?' she asks.

'No, I'll make it. It will be the first thing I've been able to do without everyone fussing over me.' I say as I start taking things out of the fridge.

'Matt, I know you eat omelettes, pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Anything else?' Hannah asks.

'Toast or cereal. I always drink juice or milk and very occasionally coffee.' I say smiling at her.

'Lunch.' She says

'Peppered turkey sub with salad and mayo.'

'Not every day.' She says.

'No, that's what I have when I have a cold lunch. Depending on what I've had for breakfast I'll have an omelette, cheese quesadilla or lasagne.' I say.

'Cheese quesadilla that's different for you.' She says and I shrug. 'Apart from lasagne what else do you eat for dinner?'

'Elliot's chicken curry. Mrs Jones chicken casserole. Mom's roast chicken or beef. Pizza. Quiche. I will have salad or veg with any of those and for dessert it's always ice cream, chocolate cake or sometimes Mrs Jones apple pie. I also eat lots of fruit.' I say.

'We didn't have any of that at the ball.' She states.

'I know and I hated it all, I hardly ate any of it. Mom was supposed to have ordered something different but I guess she was too angry with me to chase it up. I didn't want to make a fuss so forced some food down.' I say as I sit down with my breakfast. 'Christian is totally different to me, whatever you put in front of him he eats because he doesn't like to see any food go to waste. I guess it's to do with our early years being so different. He sometimes gets annoyed with me if I won't eat because I don't like anything on the menu when we go out.' I start eating and look at her. 'OK so I'm fussy, I just know what I like and always stick with what I know. I suppose everyone in the family got used to it and they just leave me to get on with it now.'

'What will you do when we're away?' she asks.

'Mom was going to call Mrs Richards giving her a list of what I'll eat but I said not to. I'm going to try and have whatever is put in front of me. We'll see how it goes the first few days.' I mutter.

'What about fast food, burgers and fries?' Hannah asks.

'No never had them.'I say.

'Sweets and chocolate?'

'Are you going to go through everything?' I ask.

'No, that's the last question.' She says smiling at me.

'No, I haven't had chocolate for a very long time.' I say and look down at my plate that's almost empty.

'Don't you like it?'

'That's another question.' I say as I now look up to her, my eyes are probably shining from unshed tears.

'I've upset you, sorry I didn't mean to.' She says.

'It's OK.' I say and then add with a whisper. 'My daddy always brought me chocolate back from his business trips to England.'

'You haven't had any since then.' She says in amazement.

'I always used to put in a request for certain things and he always brought loads for all four of us. I guess we all haven't really eaten any since. Mom never gets any from the supermarket because when we used to get dragged to help out we never asked for it. I don't know if the others just buy it for themselves now but it's not something I'd buy. When I went out with Christian or Elliot they would just get me a cookie or muffin.'

'Oh something else you'll eat.' She says grinning at me.

'Very occasionally and sometimes I have a milkshake or smoothie.' I say smiling. 'See I have quite a range.'

'Hopefully when we get back from holiday it will be bigger.' She says.

'Hopefully.'

'Matt, we're being collected in ten minutes you'd better go and get ready. You can't go out in just your sweatpants.' Hannah says.

'Sawyer will wait if I'm not ready.' I say.

'That's not very polite. Go and get ready.' She says bossily.

'That's another thing you'll have to get used to, I'm always rushing around at the last minute and am frequently late for things.' I say smirking at her.

'Go, I'll tidy up in here.' She says and I kiss her cheek before going back up the stairs. Ten minutes later I've showered dressed and I'm heading back down the stairs.

'Was that quick enough for you?' I ask Hannah as I hug and kiss her.

'Yes' she says hugging me back. 'You're just in time, Sawyer has just pulled up on the drive.'

'How did he get my SUV?'

'Your mom drove it this morning to work and he collected it from there. Apparently he's driving me and your mom to see my mom after your appointment.' She says as we lock the front door behind us. We climb into the back seat and Sawyer sets off.

'Morning Sawyer.' I say.

'Morning Mr Grey. Miss Sullivan.' Sawyer says.

'Sawyer, please call us Matt and Hannah. It sounds too formal otherwise.' I tell him.

'OK but I'll have to call you Matthew in front of Mr Grey and Taylor.' Sawyer says.

'That's fine I can live with that just not Mr Grey, it makes me sound like my dad or brother.' I say smiling. I sit back in my seat and let the view blur in front my eyes as Sawyer drives. Hannah squeezes my hand.

'You're quiet, are you OK?' she asks.

'Just thinking.'

'What about?' she asks.

'What if there's still something wrong and the doctor says I can't go away.' I mutter.

'Oh Matt, I'm sure you'll be fine. Your mom must think so otherwise she wouldn't have agreed for you to go and she wouldn't have helped me do the packing for you.' She says.

'I suppose.' I say as Hannah's phone beeps. She reads the message and smiles at me.

'Christian is requesting that you switch your phone on, he's been trying to get hold of you.' She says giggling at me.

'Requesting or demanding?' I ask her as I roll my eyes.

'Demanding.' She says.

'I knew he would be, he never requests anything.' I say as I switch the phone on. It vibrates into life and I scroll through the messages that he's sent. 'I suppose I'd better call him.' I hit speed dial and he answers on the first ring.

'Matt, are you OK?' Christian asks.

'Yes, why wouldn't I be? Sawyer is just driving me and Hannah to the hospital for my appointment.' I say as I hold Hannah's hand. I raise my eyebrows at her and smile. She smiles back at me as I pull her hands towards my lips and kiss her knuckles.

'Last night.' He says.

'Oh.' I say 'Have you spoken to mom?'

'No, I haven't spoken to anyone. I've just been trying to get hold of you in between trying to work.' He says and it sounds like he's getting frustrated with me.

'Are you busy?' I ask him.

'Yes very, I've got back to back meetings all day. Are you trying to distract me and avoid answering my questions?' he asks.

'Yes.' I say quietly.

'Why?'

'Because I don't want to talk about it right now. Will I see you today?' I ask.

'Andrea, cancel my meeting at twelve.' I hear him say. 'Taylor will pick you up from the hospital after your appointment, we can have lunch together before you see Flynn.'

'Thanks Christian' I say and he clicks off. I smirk at Hannah. 'I'm having lunch with Christian.'

'You just manipulated Seattle's hotshot CEO so that you could have lunch with him.' She says.

'He's my brother.' I say with a shrug.

'I know that but he's probably busy all day.' She says

'So, I wanted to see him.' I mutter.

'Do you always get what you want?' she asks and I look at her wondering where she is going with this conversation. 'Matt, you could have just spoken to him properly on the phone and had a normal conversation. Instead you had a bit of a strop and a sulk and he cancels meetings so that he can see you so that he doesn't upset you. I mean it's absolute genius on your part and after the weekend he'll do anything for you to keep the peace and be in your good books but you can't take advantage of that just so that you can get your own way. You're acting like a spoilt brat.' I let go of her hand and stare out of the window. Shit, is that what she thinks of me. I lose myself in my own thoughts and it's a surprise when Sawyer opens my door for me to get out, I didn't realise we'd arrived at the hospital.

'Thanks Sawyer.' I say.

'You're welcome.' He says. Hannah is stood at the side of the car and I look at her warily.

'I'm sorry.' Hannah says and comes to hug me. I back away from her. 'Matt, please. Don't get silent and stroppy just because I told you what I was thinking.' I shove my hands in my pockets and walk into the hospital as Hannah follows behind me. Mom is at the reception desk talking to another doctor.

'Morning darling.' Mom says, coming to hug me. 'How are you today?'

'OK mom.' I say quietly. She looks at me with concern and then at Hannah. Hannah looks away but I can see that she looks upset. I take her hand and squeeze it gently.

'I'm sorry.' I whisper in her ear.

'Matt, you have thirty minutes before your appointment.' Mom says and I look at her astonished. 'Yes, you are early. Do you two need to go somewhere private to talk?' I look at Hannah and then back at mom.

'Yes mom.' I say.

'Follow me, I'll come and collect you in twenty minutes.' Mom says and shows us to a room. As Hannah enters I hang back.

'Thanks mom.' I say quietly.

'What's the matter?' mom asks.

'I don't know, but I don't think she likes me much at the moment.' I say and she looks at me questionably. 'She called me a spoilt brat.'

'Oh Matt, go and sort it out. I'll be back for you soon.' She says smiling at me.

I enter the room, Hannah is sat on one of the chairs and I go and sit next to her on the other.

'Have I upset you?' I ask her.

'No. Why would you think that? You let go of my hand in the car. You wouldn't let me hug you. You walked off and left me to follow. The list is endless, would you like me to go on?'

'Sorry.' I whisper

'What for? It's an easy word to say but do you mean it?' She hisses at me.

'Yes. I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to.' I say and look down at the floor. Where has this come from? Everything was fine until I spoke to Christian. 'Shall I phone Christian back and cancel lunch with him?' I ask her.

'Why are you asking me? Just do what you want as always.' She says and I look up at her shocked.

'Hannah, why are you being like this?' I ask.

'I don't know. Watching you in the car manipulate your brother into having lunch. Getting me to see my mom today. Does everyone always do what you want?' she asks.

'I didn't realise they did. Hannah, it's up to you if you want to see your mom. I can't make you go.' I say.

'I'm scared.' She whispers.

'Oh baby, come here.' I say and she comes and sits on my knee and I envelope her in a hug. 'You're scared to see your mom so you took it out on me.' She nods. 'Hannah you should have just told me. I thought I'd done something really bad to upset you and I didn't know what to do to make it right.'

'I'm sorry.' She says.

'It's OK.' I say. 'Mom will be with you today. I would come but I don't think I'm the right person as I'm sure your mom won't want to see me. Baby you will be fine. If you're unhappy then just leave, Sawyer will be waiting in the car.'

'OK.'

'Happy?' I ask her kissing her cheek.

'Happier than I was.' She says.

'Am I still a spoilt brat?' I ask grinning at her.

'Yes, you always will be.' She says smiling back at me.

'Thanks.' I mutter.

'Matt, your whole family adores you. Christian will always spoil you.' She says.

'Are you jealous?' I ask.

'Extremely. I wish I had that with my family. Though your family have been great and make up for it. By the way did you transfer some money into my account? She asks.

'No, I only transferred money to Christian that I owed him. Oh and I transferred enough for what he gave you whilst I was in hospital. Was it twenty thousand?' I ask her.

'Yes and how does he know my bank account?' she asks.

'I don't know, he knows everything. He said the money was a gift and he didn't want repaying but when I was angry with him I just transferred it back to him. I guess he didn't want to give it back to me so he gave it to you. Just keep it there, I don't need it and he certainly doesn't.' I say.

'Thank you.' She says.

'You're welcome.'

'I love you.' She says and kisses my lips.

'I love you too, but no lip kissing. It's too tempting for me to kiss you back properly and I'm so desperate to. I'm not sure how I'll cope the next couple of weeks.' I say moving so that she shifts off my knee slightly. There's a knock at the door and mom enters. We both smile at her.

'You two look happier than when you arrived.' Mom says.

'We are.' We both say together and look at each other and grin.

'Good, it's time for you appointment' mom says and we stand to follow her. As mom walks out I grab Hannah's hand and place it on my crotch, her eyes widen.

'That's for you baby.' I say and then walk out of the room pulling her along. I grin at her.

'How can you do that here?' she asks.

'Because I can.' I say with a smirk. 'Think about it whilst you see your mom, it will put a smile on your face.'

'Matt, your mom might hear you.' She whispers.

'So' I say. 'Mom, how long will this appointment take?'

'Hopefully not too long. You need to wait in here, the doctor will be along soon. Hannah we'll have to wait outside.' Mom says.

'Why, can't you stay with me?' I say looking surprised. 'Mom, what aren't you telling me?'

'Matt, they just want to run some tests and do a scan. They won't want us in there getting in the way.' Mom says gently.

'Not another MRI?' I ask.

'No, just an ultra sound this time.' Mom says pulling her fingers through my curls and kissing my cheek. 'Darling it won't take long, an hour at the most.' I look at her through my wide eyes. 'Darling boy, you don't need to be scared, it's only a check-up.'

'Do they need to take blood?' I ask.

'Yes.' She says quietly. I put my head down. 'Matt, don't be scared.'

'Mom, look at my arm. I've still got the bruise from last time. When they saw it forming I was hooked up to all those machines again and pumped full of drugs.' I say. I look at her and then Hannah and then enter the room. I don't want to be in here all alone again. The doctor approaches me and shakes my hand.

'Morning Matthew. How have things been this weekend?' he says.

'Morning Doctor. Good.' I say rather hesitantly. He looks at me questionably. 'I went for a swim and that was good. I had a headache later in the evening.'

'The headache might not be anything, did you sleep lots during the day?' he asks.

'No not really. About an hour. I slept more yesterday though. A few hours in the afternoon.' I say.

'Good, I think you were probably overtired on Saturday. OK, can you take your shirt off and lets get you on the bed and get the tests started.' He says. I pull my shirt over my head and place it on the chair before climbing on the bed. 'Wow that's an impressive bruise, is that from tests last week?'

'Yes.' I say

'OK, we'll use the other arm today.' He says as a nurse approaches me with everything to take the blood. I offer her my arm and she smiles at me as she takes it. 'I hear you want to go away tomorrow?'

'Yes, will that be a problem?' I ask.

'It shouldn't be. Private jet?' he asks.

'Yes, my brothers.' I mutter.

'That's good and I've spoken to Dr Richards. He's doing some research into glandular fever and would be delighted to have you as a study case if you're agreeable.' He says.

'More tests?' I ask.

'Sort of, I think he'll need some blood but then it will be more to do with your sleep patterns, diet, exercise. Your mom will be happy that you're being kept such a close eye on.' He says smiling at me.

'OK, I'll agree.' I say.

'Good, it makes me feel happier as well as your mom. Your scar is healing well and Dr Richards will take out the stitches on Wednesday. I'm just going to do a quick ultrasound to check your spleen.' He says.

'Thanks' I say as the nurse now puts gel on my chest. I sit quietly as they look at the scan pictures. They are talking quietly and pointing to the picture which I cannot see. Shit is something wrong. I look at the doctor now and the worry must be etched on my face.

'Sorry, we didn't mean to cause concern. Your spleen has healed beautifully. You can hardly tell where it has been stitched.' The doctor says. 'Everything is looking good at the moment for your trip tomorrow. We just need the blood results and whilst we're waiting for those we'll hook you up to the machine for your blood pressure and pulse. Hopefully no more than fifteen minutes now and then we'll know if you can go.'

'Thanks.' I say and lie down against the cool pillow as the nurse attaches various things to my arms. The doctor and nurse leave me alone and I stare at the ceiling, I really don't want to fall asleep now and I know that if I close my eyes I will. I feel someone pulling their fingers through my hair and open my eyes to see mom smiling at me.

'Did I fall asleep? I ask 'What time is it?'

'Darling, it's OK. You've only been asleep for thirty minutes.' Mom says gently.

'Hannah?' I ask.

'She's literally just gone to get a cold drink from the restaurant.' Moms says. 'We've had a good chat together and she feels guilty about earlier with what she said to you.'

'She has no need to be.' I say.

'I told her that darling. She's always been so strong but I think she's feeling a little insecure at the moment. You and Mia will need to take care of her whilst you're away. Remember you are both lucky enough to have travelled lots but Hannah hasn't been away much.' Mom says. 'She's only flown a couple of times so this will be so much different because you'll be using Christian's jet, just be patient with her darling as everything is going to be new experiences for her.'

'OK mom. I don't want to frighten her away by it all being too much.' I say quietly.

'I don't think you will but just be aware that she's not used to all that we sometimes take for granted.' Mom says. She wanders over to the door and a few minutes later the doctor comes in. I sit up.

'Good news Mathew, you can go away. Lots of rest still and you can swim in the pool.' He says.

'Surf.' I say hopefully.

'Matt.' Mom says cautiously.

'Leave it a few days but providing Dr Richards is happy and there's someone in the sea with you then it should be OK, just don't overdo it. If you have any headaches or dizziness please tell Dr Richards straight away, don't try and cover it up hoping it will go away. I faxed all your notes to him so he is fully informed and he will be sending me reports back. I'll see you again in three weeks. Have a good time and try and take it easy.'

'Thank you doctor.' I say jumping off the bed and dragging my shirt over my head. I shake the doctor's hand and thank him once more.

'Come on mom. Let's go.' I say smiling at her.

'Calm down.' She says but she's smiling back at me. Hannah walks into the room and I go and hug her picking her up and twirling her round.

'We're going on holiday tomorrow.' I say excitedly and kiss her cheek. She grins back at me.

'Matt, you're supposed to be taking it easy.' Mom says.

'I will mom, I promise. I'm just so excited. Come on, let's get out in the fresh air.' I say and I take Hannah's hand as we walk through the hospital. Sawyer is waiting with the SUV, I hug Hannah before she climbs into the back.

'Don't worry about meeting your mom, it will all be OK. Mom will be with you. I love you baby.' I say to her.

'Oh Matt I love you too. I'll call and let you know how it goes.' She says as she hugs me back.

'Bye mom, see you at home later.' I say.

'Darling boy, we'll wait a few minutes. Taylor is on his way but I'm not leaving you on your own until he's arrived.' Mom says.

'Mom, I'll be fine. Stop fussing.' I say.

'Please let me fuss darling, you'll be away from tomorrow and I won't be able to fuss then.' She says.

'OK mom. I do love you.' I say as I envelope her in a hug.

'And I love you. Ah, here's Taylor. We'll see you at home later. Remember, take it easy. No kickboxing with your brother.' She says as she climbs into the back of the SUV beside Hannah. I close the door for her and Sawyer drives away.


	72. Chapter 72-Shocks

Taylor gets out of the driver's seat and opens the back passenger door of the SUV for me.

'Hi Taylor.' I say.

'Hi Matthew.' He says smiling at me as I climb in.

'Surprised to see me.' Christian says grinning.

'Yes, I didn't expect you. I thought you were busy in meetings.' I say.

'The last one was a waste of time and I was bored. I'm free until two so we'll drop you for your meeting with Flynn and then I'll go back to work. Where do you want to eat?' he asks.

'I don't mind.' I mutter.

'Matt, you do mind. You're the one who is fussy.' Christian says.

'I'm not really hungry.' I say quietly. He leans forward and says something to Taylor about stopping at the deli.

'What's the matter?' Christian asks me.

'Nothing.' I reply sulkily.

'Matt, talk to me.'

'Am I a spoilt brat?' I ask him. He starts laughing. 'What's so funny?'

'Did Hannah call you that?' he asks and I nod 'So now you're worrying about it.' Another nod. 'Tell me why she called you that?'

'In her words because I manipulated Seattle's hotshot CEO who drops everything to have lunch with me because he's too scared to upset me. She said I sulked and stropped to get what I wanted and then said I was a spoilt brat.' I say 'I'm sorry I shouldn't have made you have lunch with me.'

'Matt you didn't, you only asked if you would see me today. It was my decision to cancel the meeting. I wanted to see you as well.' He says.

'Really.' I say.

'Yes really.' He says as Taylor stops at the deli. 'Usual Taylor please' Taylor climbs out as we sit in the car and wait. 'You will always be spoilt though.'

'That's what Hannah said as well. She said you would always spoil me.' I say.

'Always. Mom will as well, she always has since the day you were born. If you'd done something naughty she would try and tell you off and you would smile sweetly at her and look at her with your wide eyes and then hug her and kiss her and tell her you loved her and her heart would melt and she couldn't be cross with you. We always used to say you were her favourite and she told us off, saying she didn't have favourites but you just knew how to charm her.'

'I didn't think she treated me any differently to you, Elliot and Mia.' I say. Taylor is back in the car and sets off driving again. 'Where are we going?'

'Surprise.' Christian says. I look at him questionably. 'I know you don't like surprises but just wait and see.'

'OK.' I whisper.

'How was the hospital?'

'Fine.'

'Don't sulk because I won't tell you where we're going.' He says but he's grinning at me.

'It was good, we can go away tomorrow. I might even be able to surf in a few days as long as there's someone in the sea with me.' I say.

'That won't be a problem, you'll have three security men with you. Sawyer likes to surf so he can make sure you're OK. I'm a bit jealous now that I know you can surf again. I wish I was coming with you.' He says.

'You're as bad as Elliot. We can all surf together at autumn break. I'll be stronger then, I don't think I'll be able to do it for long this time. Apparently I can't over-do it. Wait I shouldn't be telling you that, you'll pass it on to Sawyer.' I say smiling at him.

'He needs to know.' Christian states. 'So, last night?'

'Dad drove over the floating bridge.' I mutter.

'What? He never goes that way with you.' Christian says surprised.

'I made him.'

'Why?'

'Because I was chatting with mom just before you came into your study and something she asked me made me realise that unless I start getting on with life and moving forward then I'm always going to be stuck in the same place. I'll forever fear change, eat the same foods, be scared to be too far away from you all. I thought if we went over the bridge and I was OK then I could start thinking about other things that I want to do.' I say.

'And'

'I was fine, tense, could hardly breathe but I'm still here and it will be easier next time. I don't know whether I'll be able to drive across though.' I say.

'I'll come with you if you want, or Taylor will.' He says gently.

'Thank you.' I say and smile at him.

'So what did mom ask?' he asks.

'She said if I wasn't so scared of change and leaving home and being away from the family where would I go to university and what would I study.' I say.

'I can tell the answer is something I don't want to hear.' He says.

'Probably. I want to study either music or math.' I say and look away.

'Where?' he asks. I turn and look at him. 'Tell me, where?'

'Cambridge.' I whisper.

'England' he says and I nod. 'Fuck, I wasn't expecting that.' He says. I sit quietly and look out of the window. Christian is quiet as well. We've just stopped at some gates and Taylor keys a number into a pad on the gate post.

'Where are we?' I ask as the gates open and Taylor starts to drive again.

'This is my new house.' He says quietly.

'Wow, it's beautiful.' I say. 'Can we have lunch down by the water?'

'Yes.' He says. Taylor hands us the bags from the deli. We walk in silence across the grass and sit down by the shore.

'Christian, please talk to me.' I say.

'I'm shocked. I don't know what to say. It's a long way.' He says.

'You have a jet, you can come and see me.' I say. 'I'll be back in the holidays.'

'Hannah?' he asks.

'I haven't told anyone else yet. I'll speak to her whilst we're away. What are you thinking?' I ask.

'I'm gutted that you're thinking of going so far away.' He says. 'What did mom say?'

'She encouraged me to get more details to apply.'

'Wow, I didn't think she would. I thought she was happy for you to go to Pullman because you'd be close. I thought I'd still see you almost every weekend.'

'You'll cope.' I say.

'It will be hard knowing you're not just a drive away.' He mutters.

'How do you think I felt when you went to Harvard? I was nine and I was heartbroken. I used to sleep in your room thinking it would bring you back quicker.'

'I'm sorry, I didn't realise. I was pretty much wrapped up in something else then.'

'Or someone else. Were you having the affair then?'

'Matt' he says shocked.

'Sorry, it's just you went to Harvard and now I'm thinking and that's only thinking about going to Cambridge and you sulk and strop with me. I want you to be happy that I'm thinking about taking such a big huge leap in my life. I can only do this knowing that everyone is happy and behind me.'

'I am happy, I was just a little shocked that's all. It will be good for you. I thought mom would be heartbroken.' He says passing me a peppered turkey sub.

'No, she was good. Maybe anywhere else she might have been. I didn't know until she said last night that it was where my mommy went. She said that they were inseparable but she coped and they had to write to each other then and couldn't afford the airfare to visit. At least I can phone every day and jump on a plane if I need to.' I say as I eat.

'What did your mommy study?' he asks.

'I don't know, mom didn't say. Maybe she won't until I've made my mind up. I don't even know what she did at work, I know she had an office in the city that I went to occasionally but I don't know what she did. Do you?' I ask him.

'Yes.' He says. I look at him. 'Do you want me to tell you?'

'Yes.' I whisper.

'She was the editor for some big woman's magazine. She also wrote books, I think she had a few published.' He says. I sit and stare at the water. 'Matt, please say something. I shouldn't have told you.'

'I'd rather know. She must have been clever.' I say.

'Extremely.' He says. 'Like you are.'

'I don't see myself as clever.' I mutter.

'Matt, you're off the scale. You always have been.'

'I only wanted to be like you, that's why I worked hard.' I say.

'I know and I'm honoured you worked so hard just to be like me.' He says.

'I'm scared about seeing Dr Flynn this afternoon.' I say changing the subject.

'Why, just talk to him like we're talking now. Sometime he listens, sometimes he give his thoughts. If you happen to be stuck for words he'll just ask some questions. Matt, I go and talk to him lots.'

'Really, but your life is perfect.' I say.

'That's how it might look to you but I've had all sorts of issues. Flynn is just someone I can talk to, shout at and even joke with. Just give it a try. If you don't like him or even don't like talking with someone outside the family then that's fine but just give it a go today.'

'OK.' I mutter. 'I had a think about singing at the wedding and the music. I thought I could play some background music while everyone takes their seats. You and Elliot will be stood waiting for Ana and it means I can keep out of everyone's way. Then I could sing and play later after the speeches. Maybe for your first dance.'

'That sounds good. Are you sure?'

'Yes, will you check with Ana? I want her to be happy.'

'Yes, I'll ask her tonight. Have you finished your lunch?' he asks. I nod. 'Do you want a quick tour of the house? Though it won't stay like this, Elliot is going to make lots of changes, we're just waiting for the plans.'

'Sure, let's go.' I say. 'Thanks for lunch. I know Hannah said I manipulated you into it but I wanted to see you on your own after this weekend.'

'No worries. Come on, then we'll drop you at Flynns.' He says. 'When you get back from Hawaii maybe I'll take an afternoon off before the wedding so we can go for a sail with Elliot and dad.'

'That would be good.' I say.

'On the 'Grace'' he says before striding towards the house. Oh wow, he's shocked me now.


	73. Chapter 73-Sure

**Hi All, Many thanks to you all for the latest reviews and PM's, they really are appreciated and it's good to know what you're thinking about in the story. I apologise for this being a short chapter but it's leading into Matt having his meeting with Flynn. Best Wishes Mx**

'This is a beautiful house Christian; you're not going to let Elliot change it that much are you?' I ask him as we wander round.

'You sound like Ana, she doesn't want to change much either. I was going to demolish it and start afresh.' Christian says.

'Listen to Ana. It only needs a few minor changes and some decorating and it will be perfect.' I say.

'That's what she says, or as she puts it some tender loving care.'

'She's right.' I say. 'Thanks for showing me round, I suppose we'd better head back to the city.'

'You're welcome and yes we'd better make tracks.' He says as I follow him outside and into the SUV where Taylor is patiently waiting.

'You're quiet.' Christian says as Taylor drives. I turn and look at him. 'What's the matter?'

'I don't know.' I say quietly. 'Just thinking about stuff.'

'OK, are you really sure about taking Mia away with you?' he asks.

'Why does everyone keep asking that? Yes I'm sure. She's known me my whole life and knows what I'm like and before you say it she's my comfort blanket as dad calls it because he or mom won't be there. Happy.' I say.

'Oh Matt, you're scared to go away.' Christian says sympathetically.

'Yes.' I whisper. 'I'm sort of excited but I'm absolutely terrified as well.'

'You'll be fine, if you're thinking of going to England then you need to do this.' He says.

'I know, I'll be on my own there.' I say.

'You'll have security.' He says.

'Will I need it there?' I ask.

'Of course, you'll always need it. Dad will chat with you later about it.' He says.

'Oh.' I say surprised before changing the subject. 'How long are you going away on honeymoon for?'

'Three weeks, but I'm not telling you where we're going.'

''That's ok I don't need to know. You'll miss the Seattle to Portland cycle ride.' I say.

'Matt seriously we couldn't have done it anyway. There's no way me and Elliot would have done it without you and you are not fit enough. Next year the three of us will do it together.' He says. 'So you're absolutely certain about Mia going away with you.'

'Yes, I can't disappoint her now and as everyone keeps saying I need plenty of rest so she can keep Hannah company.' I say.

'You can sleep on the jet if you need to, in the bedroom I mean. I'd rather you didn't have sex though, I'd like to be the first to do that on my jet.' He says smirking at me.

'I won't tell you so you won't know if you're the first or not.' I say smirking back at him.

'Matt.'

'Don't worry I won't. When tiredness hits I can sleep anywhere so I'll probably just sleep in a seat but if I need the bed I'll sleep alone, see Mia will have her uses we can hardly sneak to the bedroom for a quick fuck whilst Mia is sat there.' I say.

'Jeez Matt, don't let Hannah hear you speaking like that. She's the love of your life and you're supposed to make love to her not have a quick fuck.' He says.

'I bet you and Ana do.' I say cheekily.

'I'd rather not discuss our sex life thank you.' He says.

'Oh how times have changed. When I started going out with Hannah you wanted to know everything and I said I wouldn't say anything to you about our love life and now you won't say anything about yours. Is everything OK? Are you having problems? Do you need any advice?' I say jokily with a huge grin on my face.

'Fuck off, jeez Matt the stuff I know would shock you. I don't think I need advice from an eighteen year old.' He says stroppily. I think I might have made him angry. I look out of the window. I turn back and Christian is staring out of his window lost in his thoughts.

'Sorry.' I mutter. Shit we'd just started getting on together again and then the atmosphere changes.

'You have no need to be.' He says as he turns towards me. 'I shouldn't have lost it with you.'

'It's OK, I shouldn't have teased you about private stuff.' I say.

'Don't worry.' He says and then changes the subject so we're back on safer ground. 'After we drop you Taylor is meeting with the two new security and will be giving them a full brief of what is expected. Whilst you're away make sure you have them around wherever you go. Trust Sawyer, he will be looking out for your best intentions at all times.'

'OK. We'll be leaving in twenty four hours. I can't believe I'm actually going away.' I say.

'You'll cope, remember you have to look out for the girls as well.'

'I know, mom has already told me.' I say smiling at him.

'Just saying.' He teases.

'Will I see you before we leave?' I ask.

'I don't think so, I'll be working late tonight and my day is pretty hectic tomorrow.' He says.

'That's fine, so when you drop me at Dr Flynn's that's it for almost two weeks.' I say. 'I don't mean that in a bad way, Hannah would now accuse me of trying to manipulate you into seeing me but I'm not. I'm just getting my head round the fact that I need to say goodbye to you when I get out of the car.'

'Do you want me to come and introduce you to Flynn?' He asks.

'Then I'll have to say goodbye to you in front of him, it might be easier if you just drive off.' I say.

'Matt, if we just drive you'll go in there upset. I'll come in with you, it's probably best if Flynn sees us together for five minutes or so. We can then say goodbye and then he can deal with you.'

'What will he think of me, it will look like I need my big brother to protect me.'

'You do, and I don't care what it looks like.' He says. 'We're here now. Let's go. Taylor, I'll be five minutes.'


	74. Chapter 74-Small Steps

'John, pleased to see you again. This is my younger brother Matthew, you've seen him at functions but probably not been introduced.' Christian says shaking Dr Flynn's hand.

'Good to see you Christian.' Dr Flynn says as he shakes his hand in return. I look up shocked, he's one of the few people to use my brother's first name outside of the family. 'Matthew, I've heard a lot about you.' He says shaking my hand.

'Oh.' I say. 'Is that a good or bad thing?'

'Good mainly.' Flynn says smiling at me. I look at Christian and suddenly I feel awkward.

'You want me to go.' Christian says. I nod. 'Will you text me later or call?' Again I nod. 'You can talk to me.' He says gently. I look uneasily at Flynn. 'You're uncomfortable?'

'Yes.' I whisper.

'You're so similar to Ana, she was fine once I left and so will you be.' He says smiling at me. I look at him surprised.

'Ana came.' I say quietly.

'Yes. It will be easier once I'm gone. You can trust Dr Flynn. Call me.' He says, coming to give me a brotherly hug. 'I'll see you soon, have a great holiday. Be safe and don't over-do it.'

'Ok, lecture over.' I say rolling my eyes at him.

'I can't wait until you're fully fit and we can work out and kick box together. You're going to take such a thrashing.' He says grinning at me.

'Bring it on.' I say back at him with a smirk. 'Haven't you got a meeting to get to?' Dr Flynn regards us with an amused expression.

'Yes little bro, take care.' He says and then adds 'Bye John, be gentle with him. He'll come out of his shell eventually.' He shakes his hand once more and then is gone.

'Matthew, shall we sit.' Dr Flynn says guiding me towards the dark green leather sofas. I sit on one of them and he sits in a wing backed chair opposite me.

'Dr Flynn please call me Matt, I'm only ever Matthew when I'm in trouble for something.'

'OK Matt and I am John.' He says and I nod at him. 'Matt, I'm here to listen to whatever you want to talk about. What we speak about stays in this room unless you ask me to share it with anyone.'

'OK.' I say quietly. I look around nervously, not sure where I want to start. 'Did you see Christian's black eye?' I ask and John nods. 'I did that to him on Saturday evening. He said something to me and before I knew what was happening my fist had connected with his face. I was so ashamed of myself.' I put my head down as I cannot look at him.

'You seem to be getting along well now.'

'Yes, we had a long talk yesterday evening. That's when he suggested I should come and chat with you. Most of the time we get on brilliantly, I started working for him a few weeks ago and we haven't got on as well since.' I say.

'Why do you think that is?'

'He's still the same, over protective of me. Controlling. I want to have more freedom but he keeps checking everything I do. Sometimes he treats me as an equal, like when we're working out together, sailing, having a few beers but it's when I want to go off on my own he double checks everything like I'm ten again. We've just had lunch together and I told him that at the end of the next school year I want to go to university in England.'

'How did he react?'

'He was shocked at first but seemed to come round to the idea quicker than I expected.' I say before adding quietly 'I've finally told my dream to mom and Christian but I don't know whether I'll ever be able to go through with it. I was offered a scholarship to study at Harvard next semester but turned it down because I've always been terrified of change and leaving the family. I didn't even tell them because I thought they might try and change my mind. I opted to do another year at school, it seemed like a safe option, I know where I am then.'

'But you can't stay at school forever.'

'I know, that's why I need to sort myself out. The last few weeks I've been getting frustrated and angry at the slightest thing but taking it out on other people, mainly Christian. It's me that's the problem though. I want to do so much stuff but I can't seem to ….I don't even know where I'm going with this conversation.' I say and look at him.

'Do you want me to help?' John asks. I gulp and nod. 'OK, so we need to focus on getting you to a place where you can apply for a university in England and are comfortable enough to be able to visit, have interviews and eventually accept a place that you have been offered.'

'Yes' I whisper. 'You make it sound so simple. It won't be that easy.'

'We'll break it down into small pieces and take one step at a time. Which university have you got in mind?' he asks.

'Cambridge.' I say as he whistles.

'One of the best in the world. It's a beautiful place.' He says.

'It sounds like you know it well.' I say.

He smiles at me 'I spent three years there. I met my wife there. I have a lot of fond memories from there. Originally I'm from London.'

'My mommy went there too, though I only found that out last night.' I say. 'My daddy was born in London. They were killed in a car crash when I was small. We lived next door to mom and dad.'

'You're adopted?' he asks and I nod. 'How do you feel about that?'

'Grateful that mom and dad have looked after me and I've got my brothers and sister. Guilty that my mommy and daddy died.' I say.

'Guilty, why's that?'

'When they dropped me at pre-k that morning daddy was hugging me and telling me to look after mommy because he was going to New York on business for a few days. Mommy had picked me up to hug me but I didn't want to know. I wriggled to get out of her arms, I was more interested in running around and playing instead of giving my mommy a hug. They were killed on the floating bridge, their car crushed between two trucks. I saw the pictures on the news channel when I was supposed to be watching cartoons. If I'd just hugged mommy back they would have been with me an extra few minutes and wouldn't have been there. I still have nightmares about that day, though recently I haven't been as bad.'

'Have you ever spoken to anyone about this before?'

'No not the guilty part, I did mention it to my girlfriend on Saturday when I was telling her about myself. She was in tears by the time I'd finished telling my story. I haven't told anyone else though.' I say. 'I also feel that mom and dad got stuck with me. They chose Elliot, Christian and Mia. They were my godparents but they probably weren't expecting my mommy and daddy to be killed when they agreed to do it and all of a sudden they had another child to look after. I'm totally insecure about the love that they all have for me and am always doubting it. Mom says I give her more hugs than any of the others and I'm always telling her that I love her, I think if I don't then something bad is going to happen. If something happens that I don't like then I tend to go into my own little world and not talk to anyone, that's probably why when we first came and I was just nodding at Christian he was being gentle and said 'you can speak to me' he seems to have this way of knowing what I'm thinking and quite often knows that I'm doing something mischievous even though we're miles apart.'

'How old were you?'

'I'd just turned five. Elliot was seventeen, Christian fifteen and Mia was nine. My mommy and mom had been best friends since they were in second grade. Dad and daddy became the best of friends as well. Elliot, Christian and Mia knew my mommy and daddy better than I did. They saw each other almost every day for ten years and in Mia's case every day since she was three months old. We lived in the house next door to where I live now. There's even a huge climbing frame that was built for the three of them.'

'The big house with the stone wall and gates?' he asks.

'Yes.'

'I always wondered who lived there.' He says.

'No-one has for almost thirteen years. Dad told me recently that it belongs to me. I was born in that house, mom delivered me. I can't really remember much about my mommy and daddy, I think I've blocked most of it out though I'm just starting to remember small memories. Somehow over the years I've developed a fear of anything within the family changing, I was devastated when Christian went to Harvard, even when he started going out with Ana I didn't want to like her. I've always wanted everything to be the same, at restaurants I always have the same thing. I've always sat next to mom at functions, dinner, on planes and at concerts. I've never even been to a friends for a sleepover. I'm pretty messed up aren't I?'

'There's a few things we need to work through.' He says and I look at him. 'First you have to start believing in yourself and the love your family has for you. I have been to a few functions and parties at your home and it is clear that they all adore you. Do they tell you that they love you?' I nod. 'So we just have to get you to accept that love.'

'I do know that they love me but I'm worried that they only love me because of my mommy and daddy.'

'Matt, Grace delivered you. She will have fallen in love with you as soon as she saw you. She might have chosen the others but she's been in your life since day one and probably helped your mommy through her pregnancy.' He says gently and I look at him.

'Christian says that. He also said he loved me from the first time he saw me on the day I was born.' I say and John looks at me surprised. 'Yes my brother can be loving. He's not like how the media portray him. When I was small mommy used to tell mom off for spoiling me all the time, actually when mommy and daddy were alive the two families spent so much time together it was like having two moms and dads around all the time. Christian was really close to my daddy, he said he went off the rails when they died. According to Elliot Christian hero worshipped my daddy and he reckons my relationship with Christian is similar and that I hero worship him.'

'Do you think that?'

'I've always looked up to him and wanted to be like him. Even from an early age I wanted to do the same as him, playing the piano, kickboxing, rowing. He's always had so much patience with me, teaching me things, taking me to music lessons or to kickboxing. Driving me to school when mom and dad were working. He's always been there for me. I was supposed to go to California surfing in a few weeks but ended up in hospital with glandular fever and a ruptured spleen but before that happened he said he would help me learn to cope on my own without mom and dad around so that I would be happy being away without them in the room next door. He had me sleeping over at his apartment and I'm happy staying there now.'

'Christian said you are going away tomorrow.'

'Yes, I'm now going to Hawaii with Hannah and Mia. Dad says I'm taking Mia as a comfort blanket because she knows me so well. Hannah is aware of this and is more than happy. She realises that I need lots of rest so Mia will keep her company whilst I sleep. I'm excited about going away but there's also a bit of fear in me as well.'

'There often is with anyone who is doing things like this for the first time so you are not alone. This is a good opportunity for you to start working at your fear of change and also sticking to the things that you know. I'd like you if possible to try something new each day and keep a diary of what it is. It could be something simple like trying a different flavour of ice cream, wearing flip flops instead of converse, trying a new restaurant and something different off the menu. Do you think you could do that?'

'Yes, in a way I've sort of started this. Mom was going to give the housekeeper a list of everything I would eat but I said not to and I would just try what everyone else was having.' I say.

'That's good but have what you like in the fridge or freezer as a back up. I want you to feel comfortable whilst trying these new things but not get to the stage of you panicking if you don't like what you're trying. Remember small steps and eventually you'll get there. Some days you might slip back into what you're familiar with so just mark that in your diary and we can then work out why you had days like that.'

'OK, that doesn't sound so bad.' I say smiling at him.

'Also I want you to research Cambridge University. Look at the courses and colleges. Decide what you want to do and which college you want to apply to.' He says and I nod. 'I'd like you to come and see me when you get back from Hawaii. We can have a look together at what you've come up with and if you want I can help you with the application, it's not easy getting an offer to study there.'

'OK thanks, that would be great. I get back a week on Friday so shall I come and see you two weeks today.'

'Yes, that will give you the weekend with your family so continue with the new item diary. Here's my card, while you're away if you want to call me you can. If I'm not available leave me a message and I'll get back to you. We've spoken about accepting the love, change and new things and also about the future. I think that's enough for you to work through for the next two weeks. Next time we'll see how you're progressing and maybe we'll touch on the guilt that you've been feeling. How does that sound?'

'Good. I feel more optimistic already.' I say happily.

'That's good. Remain positive and remember those small steps and you'll get there eventually. Is there anything else you want to talk about today?' John asks.

'No, not that I can remember. I'm going to write a list for next time so that I don't forget. Oh one thing, did Christian say he would pay you?' I ask.

'Yes, he said just to add any appointments to his bill. Is that OK with you?' he asks.

'Yes for todays and then can you send the bill to me. He pays me enough and I'd rather not take his money for granted. I'd rather he didn't know absolutely everything that's going on in my life and if you send him the bill then he'll know when and how many times I've been.'

'I understand and that isn't a problem.' He says as I stand from the sofa and shake his hand.

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome. Enjoy your holiday. See you in two weeks.' He says as he shows me out.

'


	75. Chapter 75-Lost in Thought

**Huge thanks to those faithful few that still review and PM me. Your words still inspire me to write so I am very grateful. Best Wishes Mx**

On leaving Dr Flynn's I stand on the sidewalk wondering what to do. There's no one here to collect me and drive me home, which I'm sure is an oversight on Christians part. I can't drive yet either. I grin to myself and start to walk. I call in at the bookstore and buy a notebook that I can use as a diary, and a couple of books to take away with me. At the jewellers I enter to purchase something for Hannah. I then go to the game store and buy a game for the Xbox. It feels so good to be out doing something. Finally I go to the coffee shop that's opposite Dr Flynn's where Christian dropped me off over two hours ago. I order my coffee and muffin and go and sit by the window. My phone rings and I know it will be Christian, shit I feel guilty and I haven't even spoken to him.

'Hi Christian.' I say trying to sound cheerful but wondering what I'm going to tell him.

'Hi Matt. How was it with Flynn?' he asks.

'Good.'

'You don't want to talk about it.' He says.

'No. I'm good, it was good and that's all I want to say. Do you mind me not talking about it?' I ask.

'No not at all, I'll respect your privacy but I just wanted to make sure you're OK.' He says gently.

'Thank you.' I say.

'What are you doing now?' he asks. Shit, what do I say? He'll go thermonuclear on me if I tell him that I've been shopping especially as I have no security.

'I'm sat in the coffee shop opposite Dr Flynn's thinking how I'm going to get home.' I mutter.

'Oh fuck Matt, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot about getting you home. I'll send Taylor to collect you now. You should have called.' He says.

'Christian, you've got a busy day with back to back meetings and you already took time out to meet me for lunch. If I could drive it wouldn't be a problem.' I say.

'No, it's too early. Maybe when you get back from Hawaii, especially if you haven't had any blackouts or dizziness. I don't want anything happening when you're behind the wheel.' He says.

'Over protective.' I mutter.

'I don't care. Please Matt, humour me on this one. Taylor will be with you in ten minutes and will take you back to Bellevue.' He says. 'Andrea, I'll be five minutes, they'll just have to wait, if it's a problem I'll cancel and they can see me in two weeks, it's up to them. Matt, are you still there?'

'Yes, I'd better let you go. You're busy.' I say.

'Hey, I'm not too busy to speak to you little bro. I just want you to be safe and not take any risks.' He says. I gulp, I feel guilty. 'Matt, what is it?' he asks. How does he know?

'Please don't get cross.' I whisper.

'Matt, tell me.' He demands.

'Before I came into the coffee shop, I went to the bookstore next door.' I say quietly. I hear him suck in his breath. 'Please just shout at me now and get it over with.' He sighs but doesn't say anything. 'I'm sorry I went shopping without security, I'm sorry that I didn't call straight away and I'm sorry that I've told you but you have this way of making me feel guilty into telling you stuff.'

'I'm not angry with you.' He says quietly.

'You're not, I thought you would be.' I say surprised.

'Matt, I can only do so much to protect you but ultimately your safety has to come down to you. If you felt it was safe to go shopping on your own then I trust that it was. Just be careful and be vigilant at all times.' He says. 'I'm going to call dad now because he really needs to speak to you about your security before you go away. You might understand then why we're all so over protective of you.'

'Is it something bad?' I ask.

'No, not at all. You just need to be careful, especially where the press are concerned. Is Taylor not with you yet?' he asks.

'No. I can't see the SUV.' I say. 'Christian, you'd better go to your meeting.'

'No, they can wait. I won't be able to concentrate until I know you're safely on your way home.' He says.

'I can text you.' I mutter. 'Actually he's here now, OK I'm walking out of the coffee shop and I'm climbing into the back of the SUV. Are you happy now Christian?'

'Extremely, especially as you're so damn cheeky. I like it that you're getting better and you're starting to be your normal self.' He says.

'I like that I am feeling better because I can't wait to work out with you.' I say grinning. 'The first time will be great because I know you'll be extra cautious and I'll be able to thrash you.'

'Don't count on it, I owe you one. People have looked at me today wondering whether to ask how I got a black eye. It's quite funny actually when they look away and then turn back to stare and I know they want to ask how I got it.' He says amused.

'You haven't told them.' I say.

'No, how embarrassing would that be to say my little bro thumped me. I'll bide my time until you're fit enough to kick box.' He says and I can tell he's grinning.

'Don't you have work to do?'

'Yes, but I need to call dad first. Work can wait, this is too important.' He says.

'I know you said it wasn't bad but I'm worrying now.' I say.

'Don't…'

'Fuck, fuck, fuck. Taylor'

'Matt, what's the matter?' Christian asks concerned.

'I wasn't concentrating because I was talking to you and Taylor has just started to cross the floating bridge. Fuck Christian, I'm scared. Last night it was dark and I couldn't see anything. Shit, it's too late to turn back. Did you tell him that I went over it last night?' I say and breathe deeply closing my eyes.

'I'm sorry Matt, I told him that you'd been across and was OK and that you would need to do it again soon to get over your fear. I didn't expect him to just take you across. I'll have his fucking balls on a platter for this. Matt, are you ok?' he asks gently.

'Yes.' I whisper. 'I I I have my eyes closed.'

'Oh Matt.'

'I'm OK, I'm not as tense as last night. Just keep talking to me, please Christian.' I say quietly.

'I wish I could be there with you right now.' He says.

'You are, you're on the phone with me.'

'Matt, can you open your eyes and tell me where you are, have you got to the half way check point?' he asks.

'No, not yet. I can see it though. We're nearly there. I can see Bellevue in the distance.' I mutter.

'That's good, keep breathing and talk to me. You're doing great.'

'I'm not, I'm an emotional wreck that's trying hard to keep it together. I don't think Taylor can hear me, he's got earphones in.' I say leaning forward.

'Fuck, what's he playing at?'

'Christian, I don't want you to panic but I don't think the guy driving your SUV is Taylor.' I whisper.

'Matt…..'

'He looks similar to him though. I'm sorry, I just climbed in the back, it is definitely your SUV.' I say.

'How do you know?' he asks, 'It could be one that's similar.'

'I just know.' I say looking up towards the roof and smiling.

'Taylor is following you, I've traced his phone. You must have one of the new security. Tell me how you know it's my car.' He says. I squirm.

'You know how I'm always late for everything.'

'Yes.' He says patiently.

'And you know we had crazy hair day at school.'

'Yes.' He says again.

'Well, Taylor was picking me up that day and I'd sprayed my hair red and then climbed in quickly and accidently brushed the roof with my head and there's a very red faint mark where my hair touched because it was still wet.' I say. 'Sorry.'

'I never noticed.' He says.

'I know, it was a few weeks ago. I wasn't going to tell you.' I say before adding. 'We're almost there and I'm feeling OK.'

'Are you trying to distract me?' he asks.

'Yes. Is it working?' I ask.

'No, I'm mad that you've left a mark on my car. I'll have to assess how bad it is then I can decide as to what your punishment should be.' He says.

'Christian, I'm an adult now. You can't dish out punishments to me like you used to when I was small. I think I've only just stopped having nightmares about some of them.'

'Which ones?' he asks.

'When you and Elliot tied me to a tree and left me, locking me out of the house when I only had my boxers on, that other time you both tied me to the fence near the boathouse and hosed me down with cold water. Jeez you were cruel at times.'

'You probably deserved it, you were an annoying brat sometimes.' He says.

'And I thought you loved me.'

'I do and I always will.' He says.

'I know, likewise. That's the second time I've been called a brat today though.' I say quietly.

'You're not really, you must have done something to upset me and Elliot for us to punish you but I can't remember what.' He says. I sit quietly, I can remember but I won't remind him. 'Mom always told us off if we punished you and she caught us so we learnt to do it whilst she was working, dad never got involved because he would say we needed to sort whatever the problem was between us as long as we didn't take it too far. You never told on us though, you always just took what we did to you and then went away to hide and think for a while. Hey you've gone quiet, what's the matter?'

'Nothing. We're just exiting the bridge, I'll let you get back to work. Thanks for talking me over it. I'll speak to you soon.' I say and click the phone off. It buzzes almost immediately and I know it will be from Christian. I click on it to read.

'Matt. Did I upset you? I'm sorry if I did. Please text me back to let me know you're OK.' I sigh as I read it and then click the phone off before absent mindedly putting it in the side pocket. The driver whoever he is pulls into the drive and as he stops I climb out grabbing my shopping bags. Taylor jumps out of the car that has been following.

'Matthew, are you OK? I tried to phone you to warn you but couldn't get through.' Taylor asks.

'Taylor I'm fine. I was on the phone to Christian and didn't realise until it was too late to turn back. I didn't even realise it wasn't you driving at first, it was only because that man was wearing earphones and couldn't hear me that I took a closer look.' I say.

'Is Mr Grey angry?' he asks with a grimace.

'No, he seemed quite calm. He spoke to me all the way across to keep me occupied.' I say.

Taylor goes to the car and opens the driver's door. 'What the fuck were you playing at? I told you not to go over the floating bridge and then you had the earphones on and wouldn't pick up the phone. You're fired.' Shit, I don't want to witness this.

'Taylor, thanks for everything. I'll catch you soon.' I mutter and head for the house. I unlock the front door and enter. The house is in silence and there's no-one home. Wow, it's the first time I've been left properly on my own since the operation. My family seem to be forgetting about me today. I'm exhausted but feel I should make the most of having the time to myself. I dump my shopping on the kitchen side and grab the keys to next door and head outside to go through the gate in the wall. I then make my way up towards the patio and decking. I breathe deeply before unlocking the patio doors and enter. It's the first time I've been here on my own. I head straight to the piano and carefully lift the lid before I sit and play. Oh, this feels so familiar. I have tears running down my cheeks as I play and remember the times I sat next to daddy as he patiently taught me the notes and the first tunes when I was small. I'm not sure how long I've played for but sleep calls. I gently close the lid and then I head upstairs and fall asleep in my old bedroom.


	76. Chapter 76-Micro-Chip

When I wake I'm momentarily bewildered as to where I am. I look at my watch and realise I've slept for a couple of hours but I feel so rested. Shit, if mom is back with Hannah she will be worried about my whereabouts. I have a quick glance around the room and smile. I stand and walk to the window, taking in the view. I turn and exit the room before heading slowly down the stairs. I walk in and out of every room, just looking and occasionally touching. I can't be too long, I don't want mom to worry. In daddy's study I sit in his chair at the desk. Could I use this as my study one day? I open the top drawer and quickly close it again. I pull it open more slowly and then pull out a small collection of toys, a power ranger, a small aeroplane, a car, and a helicopter. These were mine and I wonder why there are in here. I put them back so that I can return to them another day when I have more time. I quickly lock the patio door and head down the garden and through the gate. As I approach the back door at the kitchen I hear Christian shouting. He's angry, but why is he here?

'Jeez, where is he? That bloody boy won't need to hide from the press, even my security team can't find him. I should have had him micro-chipped.' Christian shouts.

'Christian, calm down. He won't have gone far. Why have you come over? I thought you were busy at work tonight.' Mom says.

'He left his phone in my SUV. I was talking to him and he just switched me off, I think I upset him but I'm not sure why?' Christian says more gently this time. 'Mom, seriously dad needs to talk to him as soon as possible. I've got my PR team working with GMG's to try and negotiate with the press, the deal was only made until he was eighteen and they're desperate for a story, any story. I'm surprised nothing has been leaked yet, there must be plenty of people that want to talk.'

'All the people Simon and Sue were friends with or worked with were very loyal to them and would do anything to protect Matt, there's only one person that might be disloyal after recent revelations but I don't think it's her style really, I'll make sure dad talks to him tonight.' Mom says.

'OK, I think I'll be there with them. We better end this conversation before the others come in. I don't want them finding out.' Christian says. 'The little shit got hair dye on the roof of my car and only just told me this afternoon.'

'Christian.' Mom scolds.

'That's a loving way to speak of your little brother that you adore.' Elliot says laughing at Christian. He must have just come into the kitchen. 'Matt won't have meant to do it.'

'He never means to do anything, stuff just happens and then he says sorry and shrugs it off. He was telling me earlier how cruel we were to him. Do you remember tying him to the fence and hosing him down with cold water?' Christian asks him.

'Boys, that is cruel.' Mom says.

'Yes I remember.' Elliot says. 'We did it whilst you were at work mom so that you wouldn't tell us off.'

'Why did you do it?' mom asks.

'I don't remember.' Christian says.

'I do.' Elliot says. 'He deserved it, he needed teaching a lesson.'

'Oh yes.' Christian says. 'I remember now.'

'Was it that bad?' mom asks.

'Yes mom.' Both Elliot and Christian say before Elliot continues 'Mom, if you caught him doing it now you would hose him down. Luckily you had us to do your dirty work for you roughly six years ago.'

'When I was on the phone earlier to him he knew what he'd done and he went quiet on me. Mom, I'm worried about him, what if he's blacked out somewhere?' Christian says.

'I'm fine.' I say as I step into the kitchen. They all look at me in shock before they find their voices. I go to mom and hug her. 'Where's Hannah? I ask.

'In the living room worrying about you with Mia and Ana.' Mom says.

'Where the hell have you been?' Christian demands.

'Asleep.' I say and shrug my shoulders.

'You did more than go to the bookstore earlier.' He says nodding his head towards the bags. I shrug at him again. 'You're not very talkative.'

'I'm all talked out.' I mutter. Mom looks at Christian worriedly and Elliot makes an excuse to go and see the girls. 'Were you serious about micro chipping me?'

Christian looks at me through wide eyes. 'You heard?' he asks. I nod at him. 'Everything? He says and I nod again. 'Mom, when is dad due home?'

'Anytime.' Mom says.

'Can we wait in his study?'

'Of course.' Mom says. 'Are you staying for dinner?'

'If you don't mind, yes we will.' He says looking at his watch. 'Study, now.'

'Can I see Hannah first?' I ask.

'Yes, but I want you in dad's study within five minutes.' He says.

'Control freak.' I mutter under my breath, staring at him through narrow eyes.

'Matt, this is serious, I'm doing this for you.' He says, staring back at me.

'Boys that's enough, go and see your girls. I'm going to start dinner. Send Mia in so she can help.' Mom says. We wander to the living room. Mia stands and hugs me, and then Ana gives me a quick hug.

'Are you OK?' Ana asks.

'Yes, I'm good. Though Mr Over Protective is going into control freak overdrive. Did you get it on the way over here?' I say grinning at her.

'He was quiet, subdued, deep in thought. He cares Matt, just work with him' Ana says gently.

'Ok, I'll try.' I say as Christian approaches her to hug her. I go to Hannah who's sitting quietly on the sofa.

'Hey baby.' I say kissing her cheek. 'How was today with your mom?'

'I'll tell you about it later when we're alone. Where have you been?' she asks as she kisses me back.

'Sorry, I fell asleep.' I say.

'Where? Everyone has been worried.' She says.

'Don't tell anyone, I fell asleep next door. They didn't think to look for me there. We can use it to escape when we need to.' I whisper and she grins at me.

'OK I won't say but please will you start taking your phone everywhere so that I can at least text you and you can let me know you're ok.' She whispers back.

'Sure, I can do that for you. I can't wait until we're alone later.' I say quietly.

'Me too.' She says.

'Right Matt, that enough smooching. Dad's study' Christian says. Elliot raises his eyebrows at me and smirks.

'Are you staying for dinner as well Elliot?' I ask.

'Yes, seeing as you're going away tomorrow and taking Mia with you I think you deserve my presence tonight.' He says and I laugh at him.

'Good, I'll need you to cheer me up. I've been summoned by the high and mighty control freak to attend a meeting in dad's study.' I say.

'Ouch.' Says Elliot smirking at me. 'You must have done something seriously bad especially if both dad and Christian will be in there.'

'Security.'

'Oh, I'll have a beer waiting for you when you come out.' Elliot says sympathetically.

'I'll need more than one.' I reply as Christian gives me a stern look and I make my way to the study.


	77. Chapter 77-Name

I sit and stare sulkily at Christian as we sit on opposite side of dad's desk.

'Matt, what's your problem? I thought speaking to Flynn today would help.' Christian says gently.

'He did help but then I heard you talking to mom. There's so much that I don't know about and I want to know more but I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I heard you say something about a deal until I was eighteen, what was all that about?' I ask him.

'Please be patient until dad gets here.' He says and then changes the subject. 'How did you feel about going over the floating bridge today?'

'Not as bad as yesterday. Taylor was mad at that security guy, he fired him.' I say.

'He deserved it, he couldn't follow one simple instruction. How could we trust him not to fuck up more when he's on his own with you?' he says. 'I saw the red mark.'

'Are you mad at me?' I say with a smirk.

'I was but it isn't significant with everything else that is going on. You should have said something at the time.' He says.

'What and have you go thermonuclear on me, no thanks. I'm sorry I went shopping, I should have called you straight away.' I say.

'I hope you enjoyed it, it's probably the last time you'll have the freedom of being on your own.' He says. 'Where did you go to sleep? Everyone was worried about you.' He stares at me through his cool gray eyes. I gulp, I don't want to tell him. I look away and squirm. 'Well, it wasn't in this house or the boathouse we searched everywhere. Perhaps we should have micro-chipped you when you were younger or even last week when you were unconscious.'

'You wouldn't of dared, mom would have gone mad.' I say.

'Are you daring me?' he asks, I gulp. Shit no, I can't dare him, he always carries them out. I shake my head slowly. 'Tell me where you went.'

'Next door. I slept in my old bedroom.' I say quietly. I stand and walk to the window and stare at the view, anything is better than looking at Christian at the moment. I feel his arm round my shoulder and turn to look at him. He looks at me with concern etched on his face.

'I'm sorry little bro. I've been having a go at you and you must be pretty emotional right now.' He says gently and I nod. 'Do you want to talk?'

'I was a bit dazed when I was dropped off here and ended up next door. I played daddy's piano for a while.' I say before Christian interrupts.

'Were you careful?' he asks.

'Yes very, I don't know why but I just seemed to have so much respect for that piano. I lifted the lid carefully. It felt beautiful to play, so familiar. I remembered sitting there with daddy and him teaching me. When I finished I lowered the lid gently. I was exhausted so just headed upstairs to sleep. It felt like the most natural thing to do and when I woke I felt truly rested. I felt calm, totally relaxed. I haven't felt like that for a long time. It sort of scared me, I don't know why, it's hard to explain. I think that's why I went into my stroppy mode when I saw everyone.'

'Your daddy always told you that you could play it but you had to be very careful and you always were even when you were small.' Christian says.

'I also found some toys in the top drawer of his desk in his study.' I say.

'Let me guess, a power ranger, a car, a plane and a helicopter.'

'How did you know?' I say.

'You always took one of each wherever you went. If you'd been naughty your daddy would have taken them off you and that's probably where he put them.' Christian says with a smile.

'Was I naughty a lot?' I ask.

'You just did things without thinking, I don't think you meant to be naughty but you had a mind of your own and didn't listen to anyone until it was too late. You haven't changed.' He says but he's still smiling.

'Thanks for not telling mom why you and Elliot hosed me down. I'm mortified even now.' I say.

'Matt, you've got to look on the funny side of the situation. Elliot thought it was hilarious but thought you were too young and didn't want you going off the rails.' He says.

'I thought I would be like you and Elliot.' I mutter. 'I didn't expect you to be at home, I thought you'd both be working.'

'So you skipped school to get drunk, smoke and look at a porn magazine. Matt, we've never even smoked a cigarette never mind what you were smoking that day.'

'Well I always had to go one step further and push the boundaries. How come dad never found out?' I ask.

'He had an inkling with the beer because it was his that you pinched but he just thought we'd hosed you down to sober you up and left us to it. Where did you even get the other stuff?'

'Someone at school, the magazine and the smoke. They were even thoughtful enough to sell it ready rolled. Why did you strip me though before you did it?' I ask.

'To make you feel even more humiliated so you wouldn't do it again. Did you even get an erection that day?' Christian asks smirking at me.

'Not that I remember and you put me off even looking at a girl until recently.' I say.

'Well the punishment worked then. Just remember when you and Hannah have kids they'll be like you and will probably get up to all sorts of mischief.' He says.

'I don't think we'll bother then.' I say. 'Are you and Ana going to have any kids?'

'Not yet, I'm not ready to be a father.' He says sadly.

'Why, you were good with me most of the time when I was growing up.' I say surprised.

'That was different.' He mutters.

'Why?'

'Don't start on your 'Why' questions, we'll be here all night.' He says just as dad comes into the study.

'Evening boys. Are you sure about this Christian? Dad says and he nods. 'Are you ready to hear everything Matt?' I look at him warily and then at Christian who nods at me and then back to dad. I nod slowly but unsurely. 'Ok, let's sit down, we could be a while.' I sit in the chair that I left not so long ago.

'Dinner will be in an hour.' Mom says as she pops her head round the door. I look at her with my wide eyes and she comes to hug me. 'Don't worry darling, we'll still protect you.' She says quietly and run her fingers through my curls to reassure me.' I smile weakly at her as she turns and leaves the study.

'Right Matt, let's get started. Do you remember much about your life when your mommy and daddy were alive?' dad asks.

'No.' I whisper.

'Do you remember breaking your arm when you were about three?' he asks.

'No.' I whisper again. I look at Christian who smiles at me.

'You fell out of the tree near the boathouse. When your daddy took you to the hospital the paparazzi had taken photos of you leaving the hospital with your arm in a cast. Your daddy was normally so vigilant but he never noticed them. The story was meant to run in the Seattle Times the following day but he managed to get it stopped. The following day you'd gone out for the day and again more pictures were taken of you with your parents. Your daddy didn't mind photos of him and your mommy but he wanted to keep you out of the media. Your daddy was always in the papers, whether it was charity work or something to do with one of his companies there was usually something about them most days. It wasn't just Seattle though, it was the whole of America, Canada and also the UK and Australia. We managed to do a deal with many of the newspaper groups where they could have the stories on him but they had to keep you out of the photos until you were eighteen. He invested heavily in many media groups so that this could happen. Of course you turned eighteen a couple of months ago and the interest is out there to get photos of you. They want to run a story on you as they're very interested in what has become of the heir of the billionaire.'

'Billionaire.' I whisper.

'Yes, he was even when he was alive. Matt, Christian has been working hard to keep the press away. They tried to get a story about you being in hospital but he managed to get it blocked. It's going to happen at some point and it might be best if we try and control it.' Dad says gently.

'Shit, I didn't want any of this.' I say.

'Matt, it won't be that bad.' Christian says. 'The press want stuff about me all the time but I just let them have something every now and again. Once the initial story is out of the way we can have more control.'

'Was it like that for daddy, everyone wanting to know everything about him and wanting to talk to him.' I ask.

'Yes, he couldn't walk down the street without someone stopping him. I think if you were with him then they just knew to leave him alone.' Dad says.

'Can we stop them until I finish school?' I ask.

'Matt, they're desperate. They've been waiting fifteen years to have something on you. Last week they even had an article on your daddy.' Dad says.

'Really, I didn't see it.' I mutter.

'I didn't give you that part of the paper.' Dad says.

'Oh. Is there anything else you can tell me?' I ask.

'Yes, when we drew up the contracts with the papers we also put others things in place for you. Your daddy had been going through a difficult time. He'd just discovered that he was being ripped off in a big way by someone who he'd trusted his whole life. They had a lot invested in properties in England but this person had managed to take millions of pounds from the business. It didn't get to the courts but it hurt him. That person was your other godparent.' I gulp, shit I have another godparent. 'Your daddy cut all ties with his family over the fraud and a tight legal document was drawn up so only Grace and I could look after you if anything should happen. It even stated everything about the adoption and change of name. He couldn't trust his family again and he didn't want them to have any contact with you. You can change your surname back though whenever you want and now with the media interest people will know anyway.'

'Do they know where I am?' I ask.

'Who, the family?' Dad asks and I nod. 'Yes, do you want any more details?' again I nod. 'Your grandmother is in her nineties and is quite frail now. Your Uncle Nick lives in London and has the property business still, he's married and has two girls. One the same age as you and the other is a few years older. Your Uncle Nick was the one he was in business with, he's your other godparent.' I sit and stare at a spot on the desk. I don't know what to say. I have a family that I knew nothing of. Dad continues to talk. 'Matt, you have an absolute fortune. More money than you can ever know what to do with. A lot of it is tied up in business which you have seen some of the paperwork for.'

'I thought you gave me all of the paperwork.' I say looking at him.

'Only the Seattle businesses. That's only about a tenth of what you own.' Dad says. I feel the color drain from my face. I look at Christian. He looks shocked as well.

'Shit, I'm never going to be able to leave the house again.' I say.

'You are, but you just have to learn how to adapt. Obviously security will have to be tight and you will need someone as good as Taylor to be with you at all times.' Christian says. 'Matt, I've been trying to tell you that you need to be careful and you weren't listening. That's why we had to tell you everything.'

'Oh, is that why you're always been so over protective.' I ask.

'Yes, we couldn't take any chances with anything.' Dad says.

'Have I got any other family?' I ask.

'No, your mommy was an only child and her parents died quite close together when you were about two.' Dad says. 'You're taking all this news better than I expected.'

'I think I'm in shock. I'm worried that if we do a story with the Seattle Times it will make it difficult to go back to school and what about Hannah?' I say.

'If we do a story as soon as possible it will have died down before you go back to school as the next semester is eight weeks away.' Dad says.

'And Hannah, she might not even want to be with me when all this comes out.' I say.

'Matt, she'll be fine.' Christian says. 'She'll adapt quite quickly and remember you'll be doing it together. Ana has been fine and she has been thrown into my lifestyle. All the family will be there for you still and I'll be there to help you through everything.'

'OK, what do you suggest then?' I ask.

'I think we should offer a story tomorrow and then you fly to straight to Hawaii for ten days of privacy.' Christian says.

'Will they not follow me there?'

'Hopefully not, by the time it's published you'll be safely in the house. You can speak to Hannah about everything then.' Christian says.

'OK, I'm a bit scared. My life is going to be totally different to what I know now.' I say.

'Don't worry. I cope OK. You just have to be elusive and you're a master at that already.' Christian says with a smirk.

'I think I need to see Flynn again but not sure I'll have time before I go.' I mutter.

'I'll speak to him and warn him about the story and then if you need to call him whilst you're away. If things get that bad I'll fly him to see you. Matt, when you're away you just need to be vigilant at all times. I'm going to send Sawyer and Ryan with you plus this new guy. Taylor has hired a woman that can watch Ana. We'll also get some more security for the rest of the family and get them trained up for when you get back.' Christian says.

'Thank you.' I say gratefully.

'Matt, don't worry. We'll guide you through this. I helped your daddy through it all and Christian is on hand as well.' Dad says. 'Once the first story is out then hopefully things will calm down. I think they just want to know a little bit about you.'

'Luckily there's not much to tell.' I say.

'People will come up to you as if they know you and others that think they know you will try and sell a story to make a fast buck. Is there anyone at school that you've had trouble with?' dad asks gently.

'Only one person and he was killed last week.' I mutter looking at Christian. 'Did you have to keep it out of the papers when I thumped him?' He nods. I'm going to have to think before I do anything stupid again.

'Dinner will be ready in five minutes, have you got anything else you want to know?' dad asks.

'No, I think I'm better off not knowing anything else.' I mutter. 'Thanks for telling me though. Can I go now?'

'Yes.' Dad says and I leave him and Christian to talk some more, probably about me. I walk through the family room and out of the French doors into the back yard so that I can avoid the rest of the family who I can hear in the kitchen. I walk down the garden and go and sit on the edge of the jetty, hugging my knees to my chest and resting my chin on them.

'Darling boy, dinner is ready.' Mom says from behind me. I didn't hear her approach.

'OK mom.' I say standing up. She hugs me and I hug her back. 'Mom, dad told me lots of things about daddy. Please can you tell me about mommy later. I want to know more about her.'

'Of course I can darling. We'll wait till the others have gone. How do you feel about everything else?'

'Worried, scared, shocked. After sitting here I've now got so many questions.' I say as we walk back to the house together.

'Let's eat first then and then we'll sit down together and I'll try and fill in the gaps and tell you more.' Mom says.

'Thanks mom. I love you.' I say 'Mom I don't want to change my name back though.'

'You don't have to darling, it's entirely your choice.' Mom says gently.

'I'm scared that if I did I wouldn't be part of the family.' I whisper.

'Oh Matt darling. You were part of this family the day you were conceived, everyone loved you as soon as they set eyes on you. You've always been considered a brother by Elliot, Christian and Mia since the day you were born and dad and I have always been there and thought of you as a son even when your mommy and daddy were here. It's like they treated your siblings as theirs as well, we were like one big family, a name won't make any difference.'

'Thanks mom.' I say as we enter the kitchen and reality hits once again as Elliot starts his teasing.


	78. Chapter 78-Run

'Beer, little bro.' Elliot says handing me a bottle. I look at mom uncertainly and she nods.

'A couple are ok with the drugs that you have at the moment.' Mom says smiling at me. I take the bottle from Elliot and swig straight from it. 'Glass please though as we sit down to eat.' Mom scolds.

'Sorry mom.' I say and get a glass from the cupboard. I head to the dining room and everyone is already there waiting for me, mom and Elliot.

'Where are you sitting Matt?' Christian asks. I look round the table and move towards where mom is, making it clear that I will sit next to her. I smile at Hannah and she comes to my side and I kiss her. Mia sits opposite me and next to dad with Christian on her other side and Ana sits next to him so that leaves Elliot next to Hannah. We are all finally seated and help ourselves to the food, mom has obviously catered for my tastes but I only put a small amount on my plate. Christian raises his eyebrows at me but I shake my head, I don't want him to make an issue about me not eating. I sit and let the conversations flow over my head as I sit in my own little world. Elliot looks at me in concern but keeps Hannah entertained and has her giggling. Ana is giggling with them as well. Mia chats with dad and Christian.

'Darling, you're quiet. Are you OK?' mom says quietly to me.

'Yes mom.' I say as I concentrate on my food.

'I know that's not true, when you're quiet at mealtimes there's always something wrong. You're always the loud one.'

'I don't mean to be.' I say 'I just want to know what's going on and sometimes the others won't tell me.'

'When you were small you often stood on the chair and laid across the table to see what someone was doing on the other side.' She says smiling affectionately at me.

'Even when there was food on the table.' I say horrified.

'Only once when there was food but you often did it in restaurants while we were waiting for food. You would just be up and across before anyone could stop you.' She says.

'I sound like a nightmare child.' I mutter.

'You were mischievous and amusing.' She says gently.

'Dad said I broke my arm, I don't remember that.' I say.

'Oh I remember you breaking your arm.' Elliot says. 'You were a little shit that night.'

'Elliot please.' Mom scolds.

'He was mom. Listen to this Hannah, it will put you off having kids with Matt in case they turn out like him. I was sat on the jetty with Christian and Matt was lying in between us splashing his hands in the water. I tickled him and he kicked me but due to the force that he did it he ended up falling in the lake and Christian had to jump in and pull him out. We tried to sneak into the house without being noticed so we could shower him and get dry clothes but Mia snitched on us so me and Christian got in so much trouble. Later we were messing about near the boathouse and because he'd had enough he bit me. We left him on his own and he only went and climbed the tree, he fell out but managed to re-climb it but then got stuck. How old was he mom?' Elliot says with a big grin on his face.

'Three.' Mom says.

'Anyway I had to rescue you from the tree Matt but you never told anyone that you'd hurt your arm so it wasn't put in a cast until the next day.' Elliot says.

'Was that the day that we went shopping and he'd put a baby bird in his mommy's bag and laid across the table to try and get it out because it was dead.' Christian says.

'Yes and I had to get rid of it, you also ran away from me in the department store after you'd played the piano when I told you not to.' Elliot says.

'And also…' Mia starts.

'Please, there can't be anymore. How can a three year old get up to so much mischief in one day?' I ask.

'Oh that was a typical day.' Dad says chuckling.

'Yes Matt, that was the only time I never got my full allowance because you talked me into painting your nails at the restaurant. Purple I think it was.' Mia says but she's smiling.

'And of course we had to go for vanilla ice cream, because that's all you wanted to do and you sat there with the purple nails and a clip in your hair because you wanted to be like Mia.' Elliot says. Everyone is laughing including me. Hannah smiles at me.

'Are they putting you off yet?' I whisper to her as I kiss her ear.

'No' she whispers back. 'I do want lots of little Matts though.'

'Really.' I say looking at her with shock. She nods shyly and smiles. 'We can practise making them for now.'

'Sounds good, I can't wait.' She says. The conversation around the table has turned away from me. Elliot and Christian are talking with Ana about the wedding and Mia, mom and dad are talking about her going to university. 'Matt, we need to talk later.'

'That sounds serious.' I say and look at her with wide eyes, she must see my fear. Christian notices and watches us.

'Hey, it's nothing bad. I need to tell you about today with my mom. Your mom was brilliant, I couldn't have coped without her. Also you need to tell me what's going on, why the need for the talk in your dad's study about security.' She says.

'Baby, once everyone has gone we'll talk. I'm scared that what I have to tell you will frighten you away though.' I say quietly to her.

'Matt, I'm not going anywhere. I love you and love your family. I feel more settled and part of this family than I ever have with my own.' She says and smiles at me. 'We need to talk and get everything out in the open and then we can go and enjoy our holiday.'

'Ok baby, I'll tell you everything later.' I say. I might as well get it over with tonight rather than worrying about when I'm going to tell her on holiday. I'd also rather she found out from me than someone else. After tomorrow I'm sure her phone will not stop bleeping with texts from all her friends wanting to know more.

'Matt, do you want any more to eat?' mom asks.

'No thanks mom. I'm not hungry.' I say.

'Darling, you've hardly eaten anything.' Mom says and Christian looks up regarding me through his narrow eyes. 'You're worrying aren't you?'

'Yes.' I whisper. Mom takes hold of my hand.

'Darling, please don't worry.' She says and I put my head down. How can she say that, I'm absolutely terrified about what's going to happen tomorrow once the papers have got the story. Nothing will be the same again. I look up, Christian is talking to Ana but he is still watching me. Mom looks at dad and he seems to understand the look that she gives him. 'Matt, come and help me get the dessert whilst everyone else tidies the other plates.' I look at her gratefully and stand straight away and walk to the kitchen. Mom follows and immediately envelopes me in a hug once we're in the kitchen. I hug her back, feeling safe with her arms wrapped round me. 'Darling, everything will be OK.'

'I'm so frightened mom.' I say.

'Don't be.' Says Christian as he comes into the kitchen. 'Matt, let's go for a walk in the backyard.' I look at mom and she nods so I follow him outside. 'OK we haven't got long because we'll need to go back in for dessert. Matt, please do not be scared or frightened otherwise people will take advantage of you. You have to be strong once the press have had their story tomorrow. I'll get the PR department to just release it to the Seattle Times, we might even do it through Kate. I'll email a copy to you first so that you can approve and we'll send it to them just after you've left for Hawaii.'

'That sounds OK. I'm going to tell Hannah everything later. I'd rather she found out from me. I hope it won't scare her away but if it does at least I'll know before we go away and then I can just go on my own and hide.' I say.

'Matt, she'll be going away with you. She's a pretty tough cookie and she'll support you. Just remember what you want and follow your dreams. Tell her everything including about wanting to study in England. Can I tell Elliot, Mia and Ana for you? Obviously Elliot knows quite a bit about your parents just not the money side but Mia was still quite young to understand anything and Ana knows nothing but like you with Hannah I think they should know before it goes public. It will after all affect them as well.'

'Yes please tell them.' I say.

'OK, I'll let you know when I've told them. I'll probably tell Ana tonight and Elliot and Mia in the morning. Please will you text me later tonight to let me know how Hannah reacts, even if it's only a simple 'all is OK' otherwise I'll be worrying about you.'

'Yes I'll text. Thanks for everything you have done for me Christian.' I say.

'That's no problem but we must keep in touch to get you through this. I need you to have your phone on you at all times and I'm going to get a blackberry sent over tomorrow for Hannah. Will you make sure she uses it?' Christian says.

'Yes, come on we better go back in.' I say.

'Will you eat some dessert please? You've hardly touched your food tonight, you need to eat.' He says gently which surprises me, I thought he'd be cross. He must read my thoughts as he continues. 'Matt, if I get angry with you then you'll be upset and definitely won't eat. Remember I'm here for you even though on paper you're probably richer than I am.'

'No' I say shocked.

'Yes.' He says smirking at me. 'You'll get used to it.'

'I don't know if I will ever get used to it.' I say. 'I think I'll just ignore it.'

'Once you've got your head round it you'll be fine. Last thing, can I ask Taylor to find someone like him to take care of you?'

'Yes, I'd appreciate that. Thanks bro.' I say giving him a quick hug before we go back into the kitchen. Mom looks up as she loads the dishwasher.

'Are you ready for dessert?' she asks us.

'Yes mom.' I say smiling at her. I go to the freezer and get the ice cream out.

'Some things will never change.' Christian says smiling at me as we go and join the rest of the family. Everyone has moved round, Ana, Mia and Hannah are sat together talking flowers. Dad and Elliot are at the other side and have moved onto their favourite topic 'The Mariners.' Christian sits down between dad and Ana. Hannah is in between Ana and Mia so I sit next to Elliot, mom will be next to me wherever I sit but I'm away with Mia for ten days so choose my brother now. Once again everyone helps themselves. I have fruit salad and ice cream and Christian looks at me in approval. As I finish I remember Flynn's words about trying something new. I look at what is left on the table and help myself to some cheesecake. Mom looks at me but doesn't say anything. No-one else is paying any attention as I start to eat.

'Did you enjoy that?' mom asks as I put my spoon in my empty bowl.

'Yes' I whisper glancing round the table but they are still all occupied with either baseball or flowers. 'Mom, I have to try something new each day. It can be anything, food or flip-flops.'

'Dr Flynn' she says. I nod. She squeezes my hand. 'Well you made a good start. Last night in the restaurant you tried Hannah's dessert.'

'I don't want anyone to make a fuss though if I do something different. Everyone was staring last night and I got embarrassed.' I say.

'Well they haven't tonight. Just carry on as if you've always done whatever it is that's new. Would you like me to tell Elliot, Christian and Mia so they don't say anything?' mom says.

'No mom, I'll deal with them. I can't have you fighting my battles all the time.' I say and smile at her. 'Mom, when Christian and Elliot have gone home I'm going to talk to Hannah about her afternoon with her mom and then I'm going to tell her everything about me. I'd still like to know about mommy though.'

'OK darling. Come and find me when you're ready. I've got to sort some things out with dad and then I'll be catching up on a few things.'

'Thanks mom.' I say. Everyone has finished eating.

'Mom, do you mind if me and Ana make a move? I've still got some work to do.' Christian says.

'That's fine Christian, it was lovely to see you.' Mom says.

'I'd better shoot as well mom. I've arranged to meet Kate.' Elliot says. 'Thanks for dinner.'

'You're welcome.' Mom says. 'It was lovely to have everyone here, it's going to be pretty quiet from tomorrow.' She adds sadly.

'You'll love it mom, just you and dad for once.' Elliot says. 'Make the most of the peace and quiet.' He adds as we all rise from our seats. As we leave the dining room to go to the hall I take Hannah's hand.

'When we've said goodbye to them shall we go for a walk?' I ask her, kissing her cheek.

'Yes' she says kissing me back.

'Have a great time little bro.' Elliot says interrupting us. He hugs me and then Hannah. 'Take care little lady and enjoy Hawaii.'

'I will.' Hannah says giggling.

I kiss Ana on the cheek and hug her. 'Bye Ana , Bye Christian.' I say as I now hug Christian.

'Keep in touch, remember to keep your phone with you at all times.' Christian says.

'I will.' I mutter. 'Thanks again for everything.'

'If you need me for anything call.' He says.

'I will.' I say rolling my eyes. Ana sees me and giggles. Christian turns and gives her a sharp look so I stick my tongue out at him behind his back which causes Ana to giggle even more. He whips his head back round and I smile at him innocently. 'I'll miss you Christian.' I say sarcastically.

'Plenty of rest and be ready to work out when you get back.' He growls and then says more gently. 'Have a good time though, I'll miss you as well.'

'OK, bye.' I say as they all finally depart. 'Mom, me and Hannah are going for a walk down by the shore if that's OK. Do you want us to help clear up first?'

'No, you go. Mia can help me.' Mom says. I take hold of Hannah's hand again and we walk through the kitchen and out into the cool evening air.

'Baby, we'll walk down towards the boathouse. You can tell me about your afternoon and then I'll tell you about what went on in the study earlier and the rest of the stuff about me.' I say and kiss her hair. 'I am desperate to kiss you properly.'

'Me too Matt, but I can kiss you somewhere else that will make you happy.' She says and grins at me before setting off in a run towards the shore. I watch her for a moment and then set off running myself to catch up with her. I love her so much and just hope that she'll feel the same after I've revealed everything to her.


	79. Chapter 79-OK?

I catch up with Hannah and grab her hand. She grins at me and we slow down and walk.

'Baby, you're running away from me already and I haven't told you anything yet.' I say worriedly to her.

'Oh Matt, I didn't want to make you worried. I was just having a bit of fun and teasing you.' She says gently to me.

'It's OK baby, you can have all the fun and teasing of me that you want after we've had this conversation.' I say kissing her cheek. We sit on the grass facing each other on the other side of the boathouse so we're hidden from view of the house. 'Ok, baby, tell me everything that went on when you saw your mom today.'

'Can I have a hug first? It's the first time we've been on our own for most of the day.' She says smiling shyly at me.

'Sure baby, move closer.' I say and she shifts closer. We sit straggling each other, her legs over mine. I pull her towards my chest hugging her tightly and breathe in the scent from her hair. She smells good. She hugs me back and I feel the familiar stirring in my pants. Hannah kisses my lips gently and smiles at me. 'You're teasing me now but I like this teasing.'

'I like this teasing as well.' She says and she undoes my zip.

'We're supposed to be talking.' I whisper hoarsely. She releases my erection and strokes me gently up and down. 'Hannah' I say in warning as she grips me tighter.

'Yes darling, can you not talk to me when I do this?' she says cheekily.

'You know I can't, it has the same effect on me as when I do this to you.' I say as I move her skirt up and pull her panties to one side and push my fingers inside her. 'Oh baby, you're so wet.' She kisses my lips once more 'No Hannah, we must stop before we get carried away. I'm so desperate for you.'

'Make love to me.' She says.

'Here, now. I haven't got a condom.' I say.

'Yes here and now and you don't need one it's been seven days.' She says smiling at me. I pull her onto me and it feels so good to be inside her. With my hands gripping her hips I rock her gently forward and back. She picks up the pace. 'Oh this feels good, you feel so big and it's deep.'

'Hannah, slowly. I won't last long. Please baby.' I plead but she doesn't listen. I thrust myself into her a couple more times before I explode inside her and she follows me. I hold her tightly for a while. My breathing returns to a more steady pace. I feel more relaxed now as the tension has left me. 'Hannah you're so naughty but I feel so much better.' I say grinning at her.

'I've been waiting for that for ages, I feel better as well. I love you so much Matt Grey.' She says.

'I love you too baby.' I whisper. I lie back on the grass and close my eyes and Hannah rests her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her and just enjoy the feeling of being together on a beautiful evening. 'Hannah, we need to talk.'

'Hmmm.' She says sleepily. 'That sounds too serious.'

'It is baby, I want you to tell me about your day.' I say and she sits up. 'Shall we go and sit somewhere more comfortable or are you OK here?'

'Here is fine.' She says. 'OK, Sawyer drove your mom and I to my mum's house. We talked about all sorts of things but mainly about me and you and our holiday to Hawaii. When we arrived I was so nervous about seeing my mom again but your mom was so good, she draped her arm round my shoulder and walked me to the front door. As we went into the house your mom said she would wait in the kitchen but I only had to call if I needed her or was upset and she would be there for me. I sat with mom in the living room. She told me that her and dad are getting a divorce which shocked me. Apparently they haven't got along for years but had stayed together because of me. Dad worked away during the week and has a new life in Chicago but would fly home most weekends just to see me. He doesn't feel the need now because I am old enough to visit when I want and he'll visit me a few times a year. Mom is finding it really hard, my brothers still want her to babysit all the time and she's trying to run the florists as well and although dad helps her with the mortgage she's struggling to make ends meet. If she employs someone else then it's more money that she has to pay out. My brothers are helping her out and giving her what they can. I told her we were going away for ten days but I would help her out for a few hours each week when we got back but that I would check with you first. I told her how ill you'd been and that you can't be left alone at the moment. I said that if she made me choose again between her and you then it would always be you because I love you so much. I told her that I love her as well but the way she was treating me it felt like she only wanted me around to manage the shop whilst she went to babysit so my sisters-in-law could have a good time at the salon and the mall. She apologised and said she had just felt the pressure from all sides and ended up shouting at me. She has missed me apparently. She asked how serious it was between us and I hope you don't mind but I told her it was very serious and that there would never be anyone else. I told her about how my plans for university included you and she got a bit upset when she told me that she couldn't afford to help me out with my fees but she hoped dad might be able to. We hugged and then went to see your mom. My mom thanked her for looking after me and helping over the past couple of weeks. The two moms chatted for a while and then my mom said that she'd like me and you to go for dinner when we get back, she wants to apologise to you for how she treated you. I do miss her Matt.' She says with tears in her eyes.

'Hey baby, don't get upset. The worst is over. You've met your mom and talked and we'll go and have dinner with her when we get back. You can phone her every day from Hawaii and of course you can help her out in the florists if that's what you want to do. I will not stop you from seeing her and I hope eventually she'll be happy that we're together and that we're as comfortable with her as we are with my family.' I say and kiss her cheek.

'Oh Matt, this is why I love you. You're so calm about it all and you just take everything in your stride and are prepared to try and make it work.' She says.

'Hannah, I told you a while ago that I wouldn't come between you and your mom. I want you to be on good terms with her if possible. Remember you only get one mom.' I say. She kisses my lips again. 'And no lip kissing, it's not fair.' I add as I pull her close and hug her.

'Your turn.' She says. I nod at her and take a deep breath.

'Baby, I want you to know that what I have to tell you absolutely terrifies me. When dad told me earlier I was so shocked. I love you so much but will understand if you decide you don't want to be with me anymore.' I say quietly.

'Matt, you're getting me worried now. What is it that's so bad?' she asks.

'Hannah, you know I own the house next door and the one we're going to in Hawaii.' I say and she nods. 'Well I also have a house in London, apartments in New York, Paris and Sydney and a villa in Spain.' She looks at me with wide eyes so I continue. 'Christian owns quite a lot of Seattle but I own quite a lot as well, including the Zig-Zag bar where you went for cocktails.' I say smirking at her. 'Have you heard of GMG?'

'Yes, that's the big music company isn't it?' she asks.

'Yes, that's mine as well.'

'Jeez Matt.' She exclaims.

'I also have lots of business across America, Canada, Australia and England. I think that's mostly media groups though but I'm not sure, dad only mentioned that tonight. Hannah when I was small my daddy was always in the newspapers, he invested heavily in them to keep me out of the papers. I don't think he could go anywhere without the paparazzi following him. He had dad draw up some contract to keep me out of the media until I was eighteen. I'm not sure of all the details but apparently it had something to do with when I broke my arm. I was photographed outside the hospital but they got that story stopped and then it happened again the following day. Mom is going to try and tell me more later.'

'Matt, you were eighteen a couple of months ago.' Hannah says.

'Yes and Christian has been desperately trying to keep the media away. Remember the day in the hospital when he offered the story of him instead.' I say and Hannah nods. 'Well they've been waiting fifteen years for a story about 'The Heir of the Billionaire'. They ran a story on my daddy last week but I didn't see it, dad didn't let me have that page in the paper. As we board the jet tomorrow a story about me will be released to the Seattle Times.'

'Shit.' She mutters.

'Hannah, I'm going to need security wherever I go from now on. If you stay with me you'll need security as well. You might not want to live like that. It will be like it is for Christian and Ana. We'll have someone with us at all times. Do you think you could cope with that?' I ask.

'Yes' she whispers.

'Don't be scared. We'll have to do this together if you want to be with me. It's all new to me as well.' I whisper back.

'Is there anything else?' she asks. I gulp then nod at her.

'This is the bit that I'm worrying most about telling you.' I say.

'Matt, the last bit was a shock, surely this can't be as bad.' She mutters.

'I don't want to go to Pullman. I want to go to university in England.' I blurt out. She looks at me with shock, I didn't think I could shock her more and then tears fill her eyes. 'Baby, please don't cry.'

'You're leaving me.' She whispers.

'No baby. I would never leave you. I will be away for ten weeks at a time before I return. The course is three years.' I say as a tear rolls down her cheek. I brush it away tenderly with my thumb. I pull her close and kiss her forehead.

'I don't know what to say.' She mutters. 'I've dreamed of us going away to study together and sharing the experience. I think I could cope with everything else you've told me tonight but I don't know what to think about you going so far away. I want to be happy for you for wanting to do that but there's a selfish part of me that wants you to stay.' She stands and walks towards the shore leaving me sitting alone on the grass. I watch her, her arms are wrapped around her as if she is hugging herself. I rise slowly and walk towards her. Pulling her into my arms I envelope her in a hug and she sobs into my chest.

'Baby, shh. Please don't cry. We'll work something out.' I say.

'I'm frightened I'll lose you.' She says through her sobs. I wipe her tears.

'Hannah, don't be silly. There will be no-one else. I've told you everything now, if you decide you don't want me that's it.' I say. 'I love you, I want you. No-one else will ever be good enough for me.'

'Oh Matt, I love you too.' She says and kisses me. I kiss her back desperately for a few moments before pulling away.

'We shouldn't have done that.' I whisper but I'm smiling.

'It's too late now, kiss me again. I missed your mouth on mine.' She says as my lips find hers once more. I feel my jeans getting tight again and my hand brushes Hannah breast. She moans then pulls away slightly. 'I want you to make love to me again. We'll take it slowly this time.'

'You're insatiable. Hannah we shouldn't be kissing like this. I don't want you to get sick.' I say and lead her back behind the boathouse again so we're not in view of the house. 'Let's lie here and talk.' I flop onto the grass and she comes and lies next to me. I put my arm round her and she rests her head on my shoulder. I hug her tightly. 'Do you think we'll be OK with everything?'

'I don't know but we can try. Are you a billionaire?' she asks.

'It would appear so. Though I won't inherit anything for another three years possibly seven if dad doesn't think I'm ready. We can use the houses to live in though.' I say.

'All the girls at school will be after you even more now.' She mutters.

'I don't care about other girls, you will always be the only one.' I say. 'Hannah, are you happy with everything that I've told you?'

'Apart from the part about you going to England yes I'm happy. I know it will be totally different from anything we both know with the security and having to be careful but Ana copes and you know what its been like for Christian.' She says.

'Yes but there might be a lot of interest in me to start with until they get bored. It means we might get photographed wherever we go.' I say before adding 'Baby, you could always come to England with me. They have art schools there.'

'Matt, I can't afford it. I'm going to have to get a job to pay my way through Pullman.' Hannah says.

'Hannah, you do know what a billionaire is don't you?' I ask her with a smirk.

'Yes, I'm not stupid.' She says as if I've annoyed her.

'I know you're not baby. I can pay for you to come to England with me.' I say and kiss her hair.

'Matt, it's your money. Just because I'm your girlfriend doesn't mean you have to pay for everything for me.' She says.

'Ok, let's make a deal. We'll look at art schools. If you decide you would like to come to England with me because you prefer the course to Pullman then I'll pay. We'll be over there for about thirty weeks a year and back here for twenty two so we can see family. How does that sound?' I ask her.

'You would seriously pay for me?' she asks.

'Yes baby, even if you decide you want to stick with Pullman I will pay for you. I'll also buy you a house there and arrange security for you. Whether we're together or apart for those three years then I need to know you're safe.'

'Thank you, you sound like Christian with 'I need to know you're safe' she says smiling.

'At the moment I can understand why he is like he is over security. He's sending over a blackberry for you tomorrow to use. Please can you use it at all times?' I say.

'Sure.' She says 'It will be better than the phone I have now. I'll look at courses while we're away and then we can decide together.'

'Thanks baby. Have you got everything you need for going away?' I ask.

'Yes, I think so. Can we take your ipad? I want to challenge Christian on the game we're playing at the moment whilst we're away. He still can't beat my high score.' She says.

'You can take what you want. Remember to just pack whatever you think you might need. We'll take the ipad on board with us. You can keep that one if you want and I'll get another.' I say.

'Are you sure?' she asks and I nod as she climbs on top of me. 'Thank you, you're the best boyfriend ever.' I roll her over so that I'm on top of her.

'I'd better be.' I growl at her.

'Jealous'

'Very' I mutter. 'I want to kiss you hard but I'm not kissing you anymore until I get the all clear.'

'Something else is hard though.' She says smiling at me and raising her hips to mine. I grab her hands and put them above her head so she can't touch me.

'Later.' I say. 'I wanted to wait until tomorrow but you were teasing me too much earlier. Are you sure you want to stay with me with all that it entails?'

'Matt, I don't really care how much money you have. Yes our lives will be different to what I thought but I just want to be with you. We'll just have to be careful when we're out and I'll get used to the security. Do you think I should call mom just before we leave to warn her?' Hannah asks.

'I think that might be a good idea. Also if she's struggling baby then I'll pay her mortgage off and help her out, it will take any pressure away from her and then if you want to help her in the florists it's because you want to be there with her and not because you have to.' I say.

'You'd do that for my family?' she says surprised.

'Well I'm hoping one day they'll be my family too.' I say shyly and quietly.

'I'm hoping that too.' She whispers. I hug her tightly and roll over so that she's on top once again. We look at each other and grin, huge smiles on both our faces.

'Come on baby, let's head back up to the house. I want to spend some time with mom. I need her to tell me about my mommy.' I say and we both get to our feet. Taking her hand in mine we slowly walk back up the garden towards the house. 'I did forget to tell you something, I found out earlier that I have a grandma and an uncle who has two daughters in England.'

'Will you visit them?' Hannah asks.

'I don't know, my uncle is my other godparent but he stole a lot of money from my daddy so he cut all ties with his family. I'll speak to mom about it and try and find out more.' I say. 'I think that's everything though, if it isn't it's because I've got so much new information rolling round in my head at the moment. I'm not trying to hide anything from you.'

'I appreciate that Matt but just tell me in your own time when you're ready.' She says as we the patio,

'Thanks baby.' I say and then groan. I feel the lightheaded sensation and sink to the floor with my head between my knees.

'Matt.' Hannah says. 'Matt, are you OK?'

'I'll be fine in a minute. It's not too bad this time, I just didn't feel right.' I mutter. She stands and runs to the kitchen door and she shouts for mom before returning to me. 'Hannah, you didn't need to call mom, I'll be OK in a minute.'

'Matt, your mom should know. You can't hide every time you have a dizzy spell. There's obviously a reason for it.' Hannah says crossly.

'Darling, what happened?' Mom asks as I feel her arm round my shoulder.

'I'm fine mom, I just felt a little light headed and thought I should sit down.' I say as Hannah hands me a glass of water, she must have gone to the kitchen when mom got here. 'Thank you' I say quietly and gratefully sip from the glass.

'I'm sorry I got cross.' Hannah says as she bends down and kisses the top of my head. Mom arches her brow questionably at her and then me. 'Grace, after I shouted for you Matt said I shouldn't have called you. I shouted at him because I said he shouldn't hide a dizzy spell.'

'I'm sorry. I didn't want any fuss. It's not as bad as any of the others I've had. I was just being cautious.' I say.

'Darling, at least you recognise the signs and sat down. Have you rested much today?' mom asks.

'I slept for a couple of hours.' I say.

'Matt darling some days you'll need to sleep more than that and some days less. Please listen to your body. When you woke how did you feel?' mom asks.

'Good, relaxed but I could have gone back to sleep again but I thought you might be worrying about where I was. I slept next door.' I say quietly.

'Oh darling.' Mom says with a catch in her voice before continuing. 'You probably just haven't had enough rest today, what with the hospital, lunch with Christian, Dr Flynn and shopping and then I watched you running after Hannah towards the shore. You've done so much today.' And making love with Hannah I add silently. I glance at Hannah and smile shyly, she smiles backs with the look of love.

'I'm OK now.' I say. 'Let's go inside, have you got time to talk now mom?'

'I've always got time darling.' Mom says helping me up.


	80. Chapter 80-Angry!

'Mom, do you mind if I just text Christian before we talk, I said I'd keep in touch.' I say to her as we enter the kitchen.

'Go ahead darling, I'll be in the family room.' Mom says. I pick my phone up off the kitchen side where Christian must have left it earlier.

'I've spoken to Hannah, all is OK between us.' I send the text and then look at Hannah. 'Come here baby, I need a hug.' I say.

'You're getting bossy.' Hannah says grinning at me as she approaches. I pull her into my arms and hug her.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be.' I say as I kiss the top of her head.

'I love you bossy.' She says pulling away slightly and looking up at me with a big grin on her face.

'Hmm, I better practise some more then.' I say with a smirk. 'I love you baby. Are you sleeping in my room tonight?'

'Why wouldn't I be?' she asks.

'School night.' I say and smile.

'It's the holidays.' She says.

'I know, but I didn't want to just assume that you would sleep beside me.' I say.

'Do you want me to?' she asks.

'Yes, of course. I sleep better when you are next to me.' I say and kiss her cheek.

'I will…' she starts before being interrupted by Mia.

'Hannah, come with me, I want you to check out what I'm taking tomorrow.' Mia says excitedly as she comes into the kitchen. Hannah looks at me as if to ask my permission.

'Go, I'll come and find you when I've finished with mom.' I say smiling at her, we hug once more before my sister drags her away.

My phone beeps and it's Christian. 'Good, will tell Ana now.' I smile, short but to the point as usual with my brother. Putting the phone in my pocket I wander to the family room, mom is sat on one of the huge comfortable sofas looking through a photo album.

'How are you feeling now darling?' mom asks.

'I'm good mom.' I say sitting down next to her. 'It wasn't that bad this time. How long will this last?'

'I don't know, you didn't have one yesterday and you rested lots. Saturday you hardly slept and you were ill later in the evening. I think you're just trying to do too much and so later in the day your body is exhausted. Remember while you're away to get plenty of rest, you should be OK then, Please will you tell Dr Richards though if you feel the slightest bit ill. Hannah is right, you shouldn't hide it. I know you don't want the fuss but surely it's better for us to be careful the next few weeks than you end up back in hospital.'

'Mom, I don't want to go back to hospital. I really didn't like it in there. You know you said you didn't want to go through anything like that again….'

'Darling please, it was one of the worst things that has ever happened in my life. We thought we'd lost you at one point, I could only stand and watch as the other doctors battled to save you. This is why we're making sure there's someone with you at all times at the moment. '

'Oh.' Is all I can say. I move closer to mom and put my arm round her. 'I'll rest lots and promise to tell someone if I feel ill. How come I was left alone this afternoon?'

'An oversight. You should have had some security with you but after the floating bridge incident you must have come in here and gone straight next door before Taylor could make sure someone was home with you. Christian called me and fortunately Sawyer was driving us back and we were only five minutes away. I knew you wouldn't have gone far and with everything you're dealing with at the moment I thought you could do with some privacy. I thought I heard the piano.'

'I played daddy's. Mom, it felt different playing that piano than any other that I've played before. Once I finished I just automatically climbed the stairs to my room, it felt like the most natural thing to do. Does that sound strange?'

'No, not at all. You were obviously comfortable being there once you'd played the piano. Were you careful?' she asks.

'Yes mom, and that's what Christian asked me. I seemed to have more respect for that one, more so than any other. After I played I was very relaxed.' I say.

'Oh darling, I'm so pleased. I've always hoped that one day you'd feel happy being in that house again and even contemplate living there.' she says gently. 'How did Hannah take all your news?'

'Mostly OK, she was upset when I told her about going to England to study.'

'That's understandable.'

'I think she thought I was leaving her. I reassured her I wasn't.' I say. 'Mom, when I'm done with university I want to settle back here and yes probably next door. Even after Elliot's story about how naughty I was when I was tiny Hannah says she wants to have a family.'

'And you?'

'The thought doesn't horrify me so eventually yes I think so.' I say and then smile at mom. 'Would you like to be a grandparent?'

Eventually, yes.' She says and her eyes are shining. 'So, you want to know more about your mommy.'

'Yes.' I whisper.

'She was the nicest person you could ever meet, my best friend since we were seven years old. We never had an argument and we lived just down the road from each other so we walked to and from school together and played at each others houses. The first time we were apart was when your mommy went to Cambridge and I went to Yale. When dad and I moved back to Seattle with Elliot and Christian your mommy and daddy decided they would move here as well. Christian had a tough early few years and he was very wary of people, even dad and I but with your daddy he just seemed to have some connection. If he was frustrated being in this house with us and Elliot and Mia he would often make his way next door to have the calm and quiet with your mommy and daddy. Your mommy spoilt all three of them, she thought she would never have children as she had four miscarriages before you. When you were two your mommy's parents your grandparents died within a few months of each other. Your mommy was pregnant again at the time and when her mom died after her dad she went into labour eight weeks early but the baby only survived a few hours. She had another two miscarriages after that. Matt darling you were very precious to your parents, they loved you very much.' She says gently. I gulp.

'Was the baby a boy or girl?' I ask.

'A girl, you had a baby sister. Emily Grace. She would have been sixteen in just less than three weeks. Oh.' Mom says and then goes quiet.

'What's wrong mom?' I ask.

'Nothing, just the date.' She murmurs.

'Mom, how come I can't remember any of this?' I say.

'Because you were only small darling, you'd only just turned two when this happened.'

'But that means the others know and they have never mentioned anything.' I say.

'Darling, they never talked much about the time before you came to live with us. I think they wanted to forget as well, it's only now as you are asking more questions that they are happier to talk about things.' Mom says gently. 'Dad has told you that your daddy was in the papers a lot, he was very well known, a bit like Christian is now but on a much bigger scale. Your mommy was quite well known in her own right as well. She had many books published and she was the editor of a woman's magazine.'

'How did she manage that with me to look after? Did I have a nanny?' I ask.

'No, she worked from home quite a lot so that she could be there for you. She went into the office a couple of days a week and either took you with her or your daddy had time off or you went to work with him. If I was off then you would come here. Your mommy wouldn't leave you with anyone else and I don't think you would have stayed anywhere else. She tried to get you to go to a private school when you were three because you were very clever even then, you went to look round with her but you refused to go saying you'd rather be at home with her.'

'Her books.' I say.

'They're all on the shelf in her office next door. She wrote under her maiden name. Sue Knight.' Mom says. My breath catches and I think I'm going to pass out. 'What's the matter darling?'

'We studied one of her books in literature last year.' I say quietly.

'Which one and what did you think?' mom asks.

'The Challenge.' I say 'Have you read that one?'

'Darling, I read them all before they went to print and then when they were published. So what did you think of it?' mom asks.

'Well I enjoyed it but when we discussed it with the teacher everyone seemed to interpret it differently to me. The teacher was trying to get us to see how the two main characters were caught up in the wrong gang but I couldn't interpret it like that. I think she thought I was being awkward because no-one else questioned her and they just agreed with her point of view. I thought the characters played a very clever game and managed to disguise the fact that they could weave their way in and out of the wrong gang and the right side of the law. The teacher said that I had to re-read it because I seemed to have difficulty understanding it.'

'And did you?'

'Yes, and still I couldn't see her point of view. It only re-enforced what I thought about it the first time. I ended up getting frustrated.' I say. 'When we had to do a test on it I pretended I was ill once I read the questions because I think I would have failed and I didn't want you and dad to be disappointed in me.'

'Oh Matt, we wouldn't have been. You're so good at everything. But back to the book, you interpreted it the right way. Your teacher was wrong. Have you read any of her other books?' mom asks.

'No. I might take them away with me.' I say.

'You don't need to. They are on the bookshelf there already.' Mom says smiling at me. 'You should enjoy them all if you enjoyed 'The Challenge'. Let me know what you think when you have read them.'

'OK mom. What else can you tell me?' I ask.

'Well apart from loving you lots, your mommy and daddy loved each other very much. Your daddy was a good cook and he loved baking. Your mommy was also good at drawing, there will also be a number of children's books on the shelf that she wrote and illustrated. I know you're too old for them now but please read them.' Mom says, she has tears in her eyes.

'I will. Mom if you want to stop it's OK.' I say.

'No I'll be OK. She wrote those books for you and Emily.' Mom says and the tears are now rolling down her cheeks. I take her in my arms and hug her. When she's ready she pulls away slightly. 'I'm so sorry darling. I still miss her so much every day.'

'I get upset because everyone knew them for longer than I did and I can't even remember much about them.' I say quietly.

'Small memories will come back darling, especially now you're going next door and seem happy to be there. You were a right little charmer when you were small. You used to call me Gracie and dad was Wick because you couldn't pronounce his name and then Wick just stuck. If Christian or Elliot did something wrong and I got cross you always used to come and hug me and say 'Please not get cross Gracie, I love you.' or something similar and my heart would just melt. You were always up to something mischievous but you never liked being told off, you used to go very quiet and would sit in your own little world. You certainly kept everyone on their toes with your antics.'

'I think I sound like a nightmare child.'

'No darling, not at all. You always made everyone smile. What else do you want to know about your mommy?' she asks.

'What was her favourite color, food, drink, that sort of thing?' I say.

'Blue, lasagne, fresh orange juice. She also liked shortbread and cake your daddy made. Her favourite fruit was strawberries and vegetable broccoli. She loved sitting in the swing seat by the shore if the weather was good. She dressed up if she was going to a function but otherwise just wore jeans and a shirt all the time.'

'What did she study at Cambridge?' I ask.

'English. She absolutely loved it there. I think we were both worried when we were going to be so far apart but I think it brought us closer together. We kept in contact through letters and the occasional phone call. She met your daddy and I met dad and then the two men became friends. Have you decided what you want to study?'

'No, I'm more passionate about the music at the moment but I want to research the courses thoroughly first. How did mommy and daddy meet?' I ask.

'Can I tell you that another day? I want you to research the courses first and when you have decided I will tell you.'

'OK, but why the mystery?'

'Please be patient and I'll explain all when you've decided what you want to do and don't sulk because I won't tell you.' She says smiling at me. I frown at her. 'I know you so well and you would.'

'I like to know things.' I mutter.

'I know you do. Ok here's some more information. Your daddy's favourite color was also blue, I don't think he had a favourite food he just ate anything that was put in front of him. He liked to drink tea or beer in the evening with dad. He loved sailing and flying, especially his helicopter.'

'Are you trying to distract me?' I mutter.

'Yes, is it working?' mom asks with a smile.

'Sort of.' I say.

'Darling, you know you can talk to me anytime you want to know more about them and I will do my best to answer.' Mom says.

'Thanks mom. I think I might take Hannah inside the house next door tomorrow morning. I want to see what she thinks of it.' I say. 'Is that OK?'

'Matt darling, it's your house. You can take whoever you like there, but I think it's a good idea. It will give her some idea what it's like and you can talk about it whilst you're away and see if she'd be happy living there eventually.' Mom says.

'Mom, dad told me I have a grandmother, an uncle and some cousins.' I say hoping she'll give me some more information on them.

'Yes you have. Did dad tell you about the fraud with the property business your dad and uncle shared?' mom asks.

'He just mentioned it but didn't go into detail. He said daddy cut all ties as he couldn't trust them and that they couldn't contact me.' I say and mom nods. 'Did you meet them?'

'Yes, on quite a few occasions. Your grandmother is quite old and frail now. Although the family can't contact you we have updated her regularly on how you are doing.' Mom says.

'Mom, I think I'd like to meet her.' I whisper. 'But I won't if you think I shouldn't, you would know whether or not daddy would have let me.'

'I think your daddy would have probably made things up with her and seen her. I'm not sure about your Uncle Nick.' Mom says gently. 'Why don't you go and visit before you go back to school? I could speak to her and make arrangements. You could also visit Cambridge and see if you like the place.'

'Can I sleep on it mom? I need some time to think a bit more about it. Everything is changing so quickly, I not as scared as I thought I would be but I don't want to rush into anything.' I say.

'Take all the time you need darling boy. I'll be here when you're ready and if you need help you only have to ask.' Mom says gently.

'OK mom, thanks. I'm going to find Hannah now. Mia dragged her away to look at the clothes she was taking. Are you working tomorrow?' I ask.

'I'm on the late shift. I'll be leaving here about one, probably about the same time as you. Will you text me when you arrive, just so I know you got there safely. I won't lecture you on security, I'm sure dad and Christian have done that already.' She says.

'They weren't too bad, I think they were being gentle with me. I realise now though why everyone has been so overprotective and I will be careful and make sure I have security. Christian is going to find me someone like Taylor as well.' I say.

'That would be good, you need someone close by at all times that you can trust.' Mom says gently and yawns.

'Mom, I'm keeping you up and you were at work early this morning. I'll go and sit in the garden with a beer before going to find Hannah. I'll see you in the morning.' I say and hug her. She hugs me back. 'I love you mom.'

'I love you too darling. See you in the morning. Night.' She says.

'Night mom' I say and make my way to the kitchen. Grabbing a beer from the fridge I head out to the garden and sit on the table with my feet on a chair. I sit watching the lights twinkling from the city as I swig the beer straight from the bottle. When I've finished I go back in through the kitchen. Mom is enveloped in dad's arms. She pulls away slightly and smiles at me weakly. It's obvious that she's been crying.

'Mom did I upset you?' I say, looking at her with an alarmed expression. She shakes her head but doesn't reply, tears are still in her eyes. I look at dad and he gives me a cool stare back. I gulp. Shit what have I done wrong?

'My study now! Wait for me there.' He says sternly. I look at him and then mom and then back to him. 'Now!' I put my head down and start to walk.

'Cary. What's the matter? What has he done?' I hear mom ask.

'Don't worry Grace. I'll sort this out.' dad says to her. I don't hear any more of the conversation. I enter dad's office and stand by his desk feeling awkward. I rack my brains wondering what I've done wrong but can't think of anything. I hear dad enter and he makes his way round the desk to sit down. He leaves me to stand and doesn't invite me to sit. Shit, this is bad. I feel like a small boy again.

'So you got into a brawl at a bar and Christian had to keep it out of the papers.' Dad says in a steely voice, glaring at me through narrow eyes.

'Yes' I say quietly.

'What the fuck were you thinking?' he shouts. Did dad really just ask me that? He's usually so calm and he never swears. I can count on one hand the number of times he's shouted at me. 'You can't go around losing your fucking temper because you don't like what someone has done. You've got to be so fucking careful. Shit Matt, first you thump this guy and then you do the same with Christian at the weekend, you've got to learn some fucking control because you certainly can't go behaving like this.' He continues to shout.

'Dad, you weren't there. You don't know what it was like.' I shout back and he looks shocked. 'The fucker that I punched in the bar has bullied me for years at school and was Hannah's ex, I just saw red and punched him the once. Christian had pushed me and pushed me and I'd just had enough from him.'

'Matthew.' Dad says, still shocked. 'I didn't bring you up to shout back at me.'

'Well how the fuck did you want me to behave?' I shout angrily. 'To stand here and let you fucking shout at me. Just taking whatever you've got to say so that I'm so fucking terrified of speaking. Is that what you want tonight? To get me into such a fucking state that I'll have 'no words' and can't speak to you?'

'Just go. I don't want to speak to you or see you when you're like this.' Dad shouts. I stand, staring back at him. 'Go! I don't want you here.' He shouts even louder.

'Good. Cos I don't want to be here.' I say turning and storming out of the study, slamming the door behind me for good measure. He's going to be even angrier with me now. I don't want to be here in this house. I see mom coming down the stairs. 'I'm sorry mom, I can't stay here.' I say and head to the kitchen, grabbing my keys off the side.

'Matt darling' I hear mom call, as I'm heading out of the door.

'Leave him Grace.' Dad says as I enter the back yard and breathe in the cool evening air. I make my way through the gate and lock it behind me and then slowly walk up the garden and enter the house. Climbing the stairs I head for the sanctuary of my old bedroom again and I go and sit on the floor at the end of the bed.

Pulling the phone from my pocket I text Hannah. 'Baby, please don't worry. I'm angry with dad and need to calm down. Go to bed and I'll see you soon. Love always Mx'

Next I text Christian. 'Really messed up big time. I don't know how I'm ever going to make this right. Please call me when you can, whatever time it is. I need help.' I hit send and a few minutes later my phone buzzes. I answer immediately.

'Christian.' I say quietly.

'Hey little bro, what's the matter?' he says gently.

'Christian.' I say again almost choking with a sob. 'I shouted at dad in his study. We had a big argument. I was angry and shouted at him and he said he didn't want to speak to me or see me. He said he didn't want me.'

'Shit Matt. You really shouted at dad.' Christian says and I can hear the astonishment in his voice.

'Yes and I swore a lot.' I mutter.

'You stood up to him.' He says.

'Yes. What am I going to do? I can't go back home. He doesn't want me there.' I say.

'Where are you?' he asks in alarm.

'Next door. In my old bedroom.' I say.

'Good at least you haven't gone far.' He says gently. 'Matt. How are you feeling now?'

'A lot calmer.'

'Ok, are you happy in the house on your own and did you lock the doors.' He asks.

'Yes and yes.'

'Good. I'm going to call dad now. I'll use the house phone so if you need me for anything text my blackberry so I can read the message and get back to you. I'll call you as soon as I've finished with dad unless you text me because you need something.' He says gently.

'OK.' I mutter. 'I'm really tired so will just lie down and wait for you to call.'

'Are you feeling OK? Are you ill?' he asks.

'I'm fine. Just tired.' I mutter 'I'll speak to you soon.'

'Matt. I'm worried about you. You normally say at this point in the conversation how sorry you are….' He says but I interrupt him.

'Christian, I'm not sorry. He needed telling.' I say with a snort.

'Bloody hell, you are growing up at last and standing up for yourself.' He says and I can tell he's smiling.

'It's about time.' I say. I climb into bed fully dressed. 'I'm lying down now. Call dad if you think it's a good idea but I think it might be best if I just slept here tonight. You know where I am if anyone calls you because they're worried about me. Mom might be, she called after me but dad told her to leave me.'

'I don't remember me, Elliot or Mia ever shouting back at dad whenever he gave us a telling off. I bet he was shocked.' Christian says.

'He was. Can I sleep now? I'll text you when I wake up.' I say and close my eyes.

'OK, any problems phone me.' He says.

'OK' I mutter sleepily and then switch him off before falling asleep.


	81. Chapter 81-So Alone

When I wake I feel totally relaxed again. Dawn is just breaking and I lie for a while enjoying the peaceful calm as the room gets brighter with the sunrise. Eventually I rise and head downstairs. I wander in and out of every room again. The blackberry in my hand buzzes and I look at it and see it's Christian. 'Reply when you read this.' Is all the text says. I check my other messages. There's a couple from Hannah, she's worried about me in the first one and the second just says she's going to bed, they were both sent late last night.

Mom has also texted. The one from last night reads. 'Christian told me where you are. Call me if you need anything. I love you. Night darling boy.' My eyes fill with tears, she still loves me even after dad probably told her what I'd done. She's obviously up early as there's another that she sent this morning. 'When you wake please let me know you're ok. Love mom x'

I sit on a large comfy sofa at the edge of the kitchen looking at my phone. Do I reply now or enjoy the peaceful calm before I have to communicate? First I reply to Hannah. 'I'm awake baby, let me know when you are. Sorry I wasn't with you last night. I'm looking forward to going on holiday today. I love you. Mx'

She replies instantly 'I've been so worried. Can't wait to see you and hug you. Love Hx' I smile at her reply, she loves me and doesn't seem cross that I wasn't with her last night.

Next I reply to mom. 'I'm awake, feeling good but just need some space.'

Finally I reply to Christian. 'I'm awake.' My phone vibrates and I answer.

'Morning Christian.' I say cheerfully.

'Morning little bro, you seem happy.' He says.

'I had a good nights sleep.' I reply.

'Good. I spoke to mom last night, she's upset.' Christian says. I gulp and breathe deeply, I didn't want to upset mom. 'She thinks she's going to lose you.'

'No' I say quietly.

'Matt, obviously dad told her what happened in his study and she's worried about the two of you.' He says gently. I don't reply, I just sit quietly. 'Matt, talk to me.'

'I'm not sorry I shouted, he shouted first.' I say stubbornly.

'You need to speak to each other.'

'No, I can't see him. He doesn't want me.' I say. 'He's never liked me, he's always been so tough on me. He doesn't love me.'

'Matt, you know that's not true.' Christian says.

'It's what I think at the moment. His words last night hurt Christian, my angry words were just questioning him they weren't directed at him personally like his to me.' I say.

'Oh Matt, you're hurting.' He says.

'Yes I am but I'll get over it. I've got to be tougher and if people hurt me then I'll just block them out so that they can't hurt me again.' I say.

'So you're going to block dad out of your life.'

'At the moment yes.' I mutter. 'Christian, if I let it get to me like it might have done in the past I would be in a 'no words' situation right now and it would be a bad one, a really bad one. I've found a new way of dealing with it that suits me at the moment and it's probably preferable to those that still want me to talk. Maybe I shouldn't have lost my temper and yes I need to control it but at least I can still speak normally to everyone else but dad.'

'Will you at least talk to mom soon?' he asks.

'Yes, when I feel able to without getting upset.' I say.

'Shit Matt, I know this is preferable to 'no words' and I'm glad you're speaking to me but you sound so cold and distant. I thought you'd jump at the chance to talk to mom.' He says.

'I don't want to upset her or me so will wait until I can control that. Did you talk much to her last night?' I ask.

'No, I just told her where you were and she said how worried she was and I said I would speak to you.' He says.

'She told me about Emily Grace.' I whisper.

'It was a sad time.' He whispers back and I know he's upset thinking about it. 'She was tiny, beautiful, perfect.'

'She would have been sixteen in just under three weeks.' I say.

'Fuck' he says after a quiet few moments. 'Matt, I'll call you back. I need to speak to mom.' And he clicks off. I look at the blackberry and then toss it onto the sofa. I wonder what was so important.

Christian hasn't called back after ten minutes so I shove the phone in my pocket and head to the room that was mommy's office. I stand and look at the framed pictures of my houses paying particular attention to the one in Hawaii where I will be later today. Next I glance at everything on the floor to ceiling shelves, books, photo albums, magazines with the same title and then boxes. I find one that has a Matty label stuck to it. Sitting at the desk I carefully open it up. Inside are lots of drawings that I must have done, some with my childish scrawl on. Mommy has carefully written on the back of them dates, places and sometimes a few lines. I take my time looking at each one and reading her comments and by the time I get to the bottom of the box and the last picture I am in tears. I put them all back exactly as I found them and then return the box back to the shelf.

I feel my phone vibrate and taking it out of my pocket I look at the screen. It's Christian, I click to answer.

'Matt, are you OK?'

'Yes' I say.

'Have you been crying?' he asks. How does he know?

'Yes.'

'What's upset you?' he asks.

'I'm in mommy's office and I was just looking at something.' I say. 'I'll be OK in a minute.'

'We've been trying to call you. Mom was worried that you're avoiding her by not answering. You didn't even answer Hannah's call.' He says.

'Sorry, I was lost in what I was doing.' I say quietly.

'Please will you call mom? When you texted her earlier you didn't even write 'Love Matt' or whatever you use to sign off with her. She's hurting Matt.'

'I'll call her now, it wasn't intentional. What was so important that you had to call her?' I ask.

'I'll let mom tell you but I've moved the wedding back by two weeks. Ana is fine with it and my reasons why. Mom will explain.' He says mysteriously. What is so important that he has delayed his wedding for and he abruptly stopped our conversation earlier.

'OK, I'll call her then.' I say sulkily.

'Don't sulk.' He says. 'Call mom and then I'll speak to you later.' He clicks off not giving me chance to reply. I look at the phone and sigh. I'd better get this over with so hit the speed dial button to mom.

'Darling.' She says as she answers straight away.

'Mom' I whisper.

'Are you OK?' she asks.

'Yes.' I say quietly. 'I'm sorry if I upset you mom, I didn't mean to.'

'Will you come here for breakfast?' she asks.

'Is he still there?' I ask.

'If you mean your dad then yes he's here, he's just in the shower.' Mom says.

'I'll stay here then mom. I can't be there with him.' I murmur.

'Oh darling. He's sorry.' Mom says.

'He hurt me mom. He didn't want me there.' I say as I stand and move to the room at the back of the house with the piano. I sit at the stool and lift the lid as mom talks.

'He regrets what he said darling.' Mom says.

'I'm sure he does mom but I can still hear the words going round and round in my head.' I say putting her on speaker and placing the phone on top of the piano. I press a key.

'You're sat at the piano.' Mom says.

'Yes mom.' I say.

'Play for me.' She says and I start to play Canon in D major for her, one of her favourites. 'That was beautiful darling.' Mom says as I finish and slowly put the lid down.

'Are you crying mom?'

'Only because it was beautiful.' She says.

'I'll come and hug you mom, I love you. I don't want you upset. Meet me at the gate in the wall.' I say and go into the garden, locking the door behind me. I run across the grass and through the trees to unlock the gate and mom is waiting for me. I envelope her in a hug as her tears flow. 'Shhh mom. Please, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry.' I pull her tightly to my chest and she hugs me back. I kiss the top of her head. 'I'm so sorry mom.' I whisper.

'Hey, what's the matter?' mom asks pulling away slightly. I shrug my shoulders. 'Swing seat' she says and I nod. She takes my hand and leads me there and once we're sat she looks at me questionably.

'I don't think I deserve to be in this family.' I whisper.

'Oh darling, what's brought this on?' mom asks.

'Mom look at me. I punched Christian, then I shouted at dad. I'm not good enough and don't deserve the love you give me.' I say as I look away from mom to the view of the city. 'I hurt those that are close to me and I even killed my mommy and daddy. They should still be alive today.' I add as I turn to look at her and see the shock on her face. 'Mom, I've never told you this before but mommy tried to hug me when they dropped me at nursery that morning. I wriggled out of her arms to run off and play. If I'd stayed for a few more minutes to hug her they wouldn't have been on the bridge at that moment. It's all my fault. I don't deserve to be happy and have your love. If it wasn't for me you and dad would still have your best friends.' I stand and walk to the shore, staring at the water through a blur of unshed tears. Eventually I sit and hug my knees. Everyone will hate me now. I have a quick glance behind me and mom is no longer on the swing seat. She has left me all alone. The tears finally fall.

**Hi All, Thank you so much for reading. If you have time please leave a review, thanks to those that already leave them regularly or PM me, you are the reason I carry on writing as it's good to read your words after each chapter. The wedding has been delayed by two weeks in my story because after re-reading the original trilogy and working out dates from emails between Ana and Christian the time from Christian's birthday to the wedding date was actually 6 weeks and not a month. Enjoy your day, happy reading. Best Wishes Mx**


	82. Chapter 82-Family Love

**Huge thanks to each and everyone of you that took time to review the last chapter. I really appreciate everyone one of them. Sorry I didn't warn you it was an emotional one though and some of you might have needed the Kleenex! Happy Reading, Best Wishes Mx**

My sobs subside and I sit staring at the water in my own world. I feel a hand on my shoulder and as I turn and look Hannah kisses my forehead. She kneels next to me and hugs me hard.

'I love you so much Matt Grey, don't ever forget it.' She says smiling at me.

'I love you too baby.' I whisper as I lean in to kiss her cheek. She hugs me once more before standing. Mia takes over swooping in for a hug in her over the top way.

'Hey little bro, wipe away those tears. Your big sister loves you so much.' She says loudly and she's squeezing me tightly. She then pulls me to my feet and hugs me once again. 'Come on, you haven't time to sit around, you're taking me and Hannah on holiday.' She says grinning at me. I smile at her then look at Hannah and she's grinning as well. They stand either side of me, one holding each hand and as we turn around mom and dad are stood watching us. Dad has his arms round mom. We walk towards them and as we get closer Hannah and Mia let go of me and continue towards the gate in the wall. Mom and dad walk towards me and then they are both hugging me.

'I am so sorry.' I say as I hug them back.

'Darling, what are you sorry for?' mom asks.

'Everything mom. Everything is my fault.' I say looking at her.

'No Matt darling, it isn't.' mom says.

'Matt, last night's argument wasn't your fault. It was mine. I shouldn't have had a go at you. I was shocked by your reaction though, I didn't think you had it in you.' Dad says gently. 'I'm sorry about last night.'

'I'm sorry too dad. I shouldn't have lost my temper.' I say.

'Friends again?' mom asks and we both look at her and smile and nod. 'Good, now the other matter. Matt, you are not to blame for your mommy and daddy being killed. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It certainly wasn't your fault. Have you blamed yourself all these years?' she asks steering me and dad towards the swing seat. Mom and dad sit either side of me.

'Yes, I've always felt it was my fault. That's what I've always had the nightmares about. I feel so guilty about them dying, I think I could have prevented it happening if I'd hugged mommy back.' I say.

'Oh darling no. I wish you'd told me earlier and then you wouldn't have carried this around with you all these years.' Mom says.

'I thought if I told you then you might not want me anymore. I thought you might hate me and would stop loving me.' I whisper. Mom takes hold of my hand and kisses it.

'Matt please start accepting the love we have for you. Do not feel guilty again about your parents accident.' Dad says as he takes my other hand. 'We certainly don't blame you and no-one else will either.' I look at dad and then mom and they both squeeze the hand they are holding.

'I love you both so much.' I say.

'We know darling and we love you so much, the whole family does.' Mom says. 'That's why I left you sat by the shore. I knew you weren't going anywhere but I needed to get dad, Mia and Hannah for you.'

'Thanks mom.' I say.

'Matt we had a talk not so long ago about me being so tough on you and you know why that is. It's not because I don't love you, it's because I love you so much.' Dad says.

'Did Christian tell you what I said?' I ask and dad nods. 'I thought you didn't want me.'

'I didn't want you in my study arguing with me, that's why I said what I did. You reminded me so much of your daddy last night. He was the calmest of men but when something happened that threatened you or your mommy he would just explode. If you did something that he thought wasn't safe so you might hurt yourself he would shout at you to stop but then you'd go into your quiet world and he'd instantly regret it. He'd end up feeling guilty. You're so like him.' Dad says. 'In a way I'm glad you argued back with me, it shows you won't be a pushover when it comes to dealing with people that might take advantage. The others have never shouted back at me.'

'That's what Christian said. You know how I've always got to take it further than they have and push the boundaries.' I say with a smirk.

'Yes even from when you were small you were like that. I'm sure Elliot and Christian covered up for you a lot.' Dad says.

'They did but then they did discipline me as well if I took it too far.' I say.

'Hence the hosing down.' Mom says and raises her eyebrows.

'Mom, that's one thing I am not going to tell you why they did it. It was thoroughly deserved and I'm totally embarrassed by it.' I say.

'I thought it was because you skipped school and got drunk with my beer. I thought they were sobering you up.' Dad says.

'There was a bit more to it than that.' I say squirming away. 'So mom, why has Christian delayed the wedding by two weeks?' I ask changing the subject, I really don't want them to know what I was doing when I was twelve.

'Your mommy's parents, your grandparents were like parents to me as well. Pretty much like your mommy and daddy were to Elliot, Christian and Mia. I would go on vacation with your mommy and her parents and she would come with me. I saw them every day and was really close to them. They doted on your brothers and sister as if they were their own grandchildren. For them it was like having another set of grandparents. The original wedding day was the date your grandmother died and also when Emily Grace was born and died. It's a pretty sad day for me. I told Christian I would manage and get through it but he said it wasn't just me it was everyone else as well. He said he'd rather have a different date as well. Matt, you've probably never realised but it's one of those days that we have a family day. We've always taken the day off work and spent the day together. From breakfast first thing to dinner in the evening. Whether we've sailed on the boat or been for a hike and picnic, we've just had the company of the six of us.'

'There's other dates in the year that we all come together as well to do something, I thought it was just you wanting us all to be together mom.' I say.

'Matt darling, they're pretty special dates as well. Dates for having our loved ones around us and remembering those that are no longer with us.' Mom says with tears in her eyes. I grip mom's hand tightly in understanding and she smiles at me. The blackberry buzzes in my pocket. 'Aren't you going to read your texts?' mom asks.

'They can wait mom.' I say not wanting to ruin this moment.

'No they can't, read them.' She says so I get my phone out of my pocket.

'Love you so much little bro. Have a great holiday. Laters E'

'Hey little bro, I hear you're having issues accepting our love. Start believing. I love you. Christian.'

'They're from Elliot and Christian.' I say.

'I thought they might be.' mom says smiling. 'Come on let's walk next door. You need breakfast.' We stand , mom and dad either side of me as we walk up the garden and through the gate.

'Are you looking forward to your holiday Matt?' dad asks.

'Yes, it will be good for me. Time to think and sort some things out.' I say.

'If you need any help I'm only a phone call away. Don't worry about the papers, Christian and I will deal with anything that happens here. We'll be limiting what they can and can't have. Do you have any thoughts on that?' dad asks.

'I only have one thing I'm worried about at the moment. If for any reason they find out we're in Hawaii I don't want any photos with my shirt off. I don't want my scar on public display. I'm sensitive enough about it as it is without the rest of Seattle seeing it. Can we make that happen?' I say and mom squeezes my hand.

'Yes we can keep them out. As with Christian we'll draw up a contract so that they have to send us what they're going to publish before it goes to print. It's a two way thing so we have to give them information as well but we just give them what we want and enough of it to keep them happy.' Dad says.

'Thanks dad.'

'No problems. I'm going to work now. Call me if you need anything. Have a great holiday, plenty of rest. I love you.' Dad says as he gives me a hug.

'I love you to dad.' I say as I hug him back.

'Go and play the piano for me whilst I make your breakfast and say goodbye to your dad.' mom says smiling at me. I smile back and head to the family room to sit and play some more of mom's favourite tunes.


	83. Chapter 83-Wheels

I play a few tunes on the piano that mom likes and then I make my way to the kitchen. Mom looks up and smiles at me and I go to envelope her in a hug.

'Darling I'm trying to make you pancakes.' She scolds.

'I know mom. I'll miss you and your pancakes.' I say with a smile.

'Get away with you. You'll have Mrs Richards looking after you.' Mom says swatting me with the tea towel. 'Breakfast is nearly ready, can you get the juice out of the fridge?'

'Sure mom. Is it just me eating?' I ask.

'Yes, we all had ours earlier. Mia has just left to meet for coffee with Elliot and Christian.' Mom says.

'Oh.' I mutter as I pour a glass of juice.

'Darling, your wealth won't make a blind bit of difference to how they feel about you and treat you. They don't treat you any differently to Christian at the moment and that won't change. If anything they'll become more protective of you.' Mom says gently. I sit at the table as mom puts the plate of pancakes and bacon in front of me. Mom sits opposite me.

'I know but it's pretty scary.' I say as I start eating. 'I thought I could cope with the money side by just ignoring it but it's the media attention and having to be wary about what I do that frightens me.'

'Matt you'll be fine. You've got another year at school and then hopefully you'll be in England so you can escape Seattle's interest in the Grey family.' Mom says.

'Mom it's the going back to school part that scares me. The girls were bad enough knowing that I was Christian's brother and you should have seen the mothers when he picked me up from school, they were all over him trying to make eye contact and strike up a conversation. What will they be like with me now?' I ask her.

'They'll have Hannah to deal with and Jonty will be around still, he's used to the money side of things.' Mom says.

'Exactly and look at the girls round him. Mom he's worse than Elliot ever was, he doesn't even ask the name of most of them and they're lucky if he takes them out for more than a week.' I mutter.

'Maybe he'll grow up this year, after all he must have gone out with all the girls in your year.' Mom says.

'Except Hannah.' I say smiling at her.

'Sensible girl.' Mom says smiling and I grin back at her.

'Mom when we get back from Hawaii I think we'll spend a week here and then have the family day on the Saturday and if you're happy and I'm feeling a lot stronger I might go to England for a week on the Monday. I think I want to visit Cambridge before I make any decisions and probably visit my Grandma as well. If she's already old and frail I'd rather go sooner rather than later. Hopefully Hannah will come with me.' I say.

'Come where?' Hannah asks as she comes into the kitchen and sits next to me.

'England.' I whisper.

'Oh cool, When?' she asks.

'Three weeks time. We'll get over the Hawaii trip first.' I say and mom smiles at me.

'Will you stay at your house in London?' mom asks.

'I don't know, what do you think is best?' I ask.

'Well you can get to Cambridge in an hour from there and also your grandma's. It's also quite convenient for the underground trains and its close to all the sightseeing you might want to do.' Mom says.

'Mom, do you really think Christian would let us go on the underground. He'll go thermonuclear.' I say.

'He doesn't need to know.' Mom says smiling at me. 'You also have a housekeeper in London to look after you and I'm sure Christian will insist on security.'

'He won't let us go anywhere without it.' I mutter. 'So baby, what do you think? Shall we stay in the house?'

'I'm happy with whatever you decide. I can't believe we're going to have two holidays.' Hannah says excitedly.

'At least you can look at art schools whilst we're there as well and then you will have a better idea if you want to come with me or stick with Pullman.' I say. 'Mom, we'll stay at the house.'

'OK, I'll contact the housekeeper for you. Again she'll be delighted to see you.' Mom says.

'She's met me before?' I ask.

'Yes, actually you had your arm in a cast. We had to change the holiday around and go there first instead of Hawaii because it would have been difficult keeping you out of the pool. We had a week in London, then Paris. Two weeks in Australia followed by two weeks in Hawaii. Before we left London we arranged for you to have your cast off at one of the hospitals. I think you also stopped off for a few days there when you went with your mommy and daddy to the Spanish villa. Mrs Bridger was another lady that was won over by your charms. You only had to smile at her and she would do whatever you asked.' Mom says.

'All these women that are under your spell, I'll be getting jealous.' Hannah says but she's smiling at me.

'You have no need to be and besides I can't remember them, maybe I will when I see them again.' I say as the door bell rings.

'I'll go.' Mom says. As mom leaves I take the opportunity to hug Hannah and kiss her cheek.

'Are you sure about coming to England with me? I don't want you to feel like you have to.' I say.

'Of course I'm sure. I want to be wherever you are. It will be good for us, even though we'll still have security. How will we get there?' Hannah asks.

'On a plane, did you really just ask that question?' I ask her with a smirk.

'Yes but what I meant was will we use Christian's jet again?' she asks.

'Probably not. We'd have to stop somewhere to refuel. We'll probably just fly direct from Seattle to Heathrow. First Class.' I say.

'Really, but Matt that will be so expensive. Isn't it just posh people that fly first class?' She says.

'I've never noticed before. If we didn't use daddy's jet then we flew first class. When we've had a family holiday with mom and dad we either fly first class or take Christian's jet so I've never known any different.' I say.

'Spoilt.'

'Probably but it will be the same for you now so you'll have to get used to it.' I say as mom comes back into the kitchen.

'Delivery for someone.' She says waving a set of keys about. Hannah squeals.

'Oh I forgot your car was coming today. Let's go see.' I say as I grab her hand and pull her to her feet.

'I think you're more excited than I am.' Hannah says.

'He takes after his brothers, they like nothing better than a new car.' Mom says smiling at us.

'Mom, when can I drive again?' I ask.

'Not today.' She replies.

'Mom…..'

'No Matt. You're not driving and that's the end of the conversation.' Mom says giving me a stern look.

'OK, I get the message. I will just look at it and maybe sit inside. Come on Hannah lets go.' I say but I smile at mom. I knew that I wouldn't be able to drive but thought I'd try and push my luck.

'Whose car is it anyway?' Hannah says. 'I might not have let you drive even if you could.'

'I was only going to show you what to do.' I mutter.

'Don't sulk, of course I would let you drive.' She says smiling at me.

'I'm not sulking.' I say as we get to the front door. I jump down the steps. 'Wow Hannah, she's beautiful. I wasn't sure about a red car but she looks good. You chose well.'

'She! She! It might be a man car.' Hannah exclaims.

'All cars are women. You have to treat them with respect.' I say and stick my tongue out at her.

'That's really respectful Matt Grey.' She says sticking her tongue out at me.

'Likewise.' I say and grab my skateboard from the side of the front step. I jump on it and circle round the car whistling to myself. Picking up speed I circle it even faster.

'Stop showing off.' Hannah says.

'Matthew Grey.' I hear mom call. Oh shit, I didn't expect her to follow us outside. I jump off the board, flicking it up and catching it.

'Hi mom.' I say. Going over to her I casually put my arm round her shoulder as I dump the skateboard back at the side of the steps. 'Come and look inside the new car mom.'

'Your distraction techniques are not working. I'm cross with you.' Mom says.

'I'm sorry mom.' I say enveloping her in a hug and kissing her head.

'It's still not working.' She says. 'When are you going to start being more careful?'

'Mom, the skateboard has been glued to my feet for as long as I can remember. I'll be able to surf in a few days, I promise to be careful. I was only going round in circles and not doing any jumps. Please don't be cross, not when we're going to be apart in a few hours. I love you mom.' I say smiling at her.

'Oh darling, you've always been able to get round me with your words and smile.' She says hugging me and kissing my cheek.

'Come and see the car mom.' I say dragging her towards it. Hannah is already sat in the driver's seat. 'Mom, get in and sit next to Hannah.' I add.

'Can we go for a quick drive?' Hannah asks.

'No, I don't know where the security are.' I say. 'You could just have a quick go up and down the drive though if you really want and then you'll have to wait.'

'Matt, the story hasn't gone to the papers yet. Hannah could take you for a quick spin.' Mom says.

'Mom no, don't encourage us. Dad and Christian would be so mad with me. One minute you're cross because I have a quick go on the skateboard and then you say Hannah can take me for a quick drive.' I say.

'That's different but I'm glad to see you're taking the security issue seriously.' She says and smiles at me before turning to Hannah and saying. 'Start her up, you can take me for a trip up and down the drive, at least its long enough for a quick go, the boys often let Matt have a go in their cars when he wasn't old enough to be out on the road.' Hannah grins at her and starts the engine.

'Easy on the gas.' I say as she pulls away. I go and stand on the steps to watch. My blackberry buzzes in my pocket.

'Hi Christian.' I say, automatically knowing it will be him.

'Where are you going in the car?' he asks. He's obviously had a tracking device fitted to the car and so knows as soon as it moves.

'Don't worry, I'm not. I'm stood on the steps watching Hannah and mom taking turns going up and down the drive. I wouldn't let them go any further because I didn't know where the security was.' I say.

'Thank you.' Christian says. 'I really appreciate you taking your safety seriously. It will help security to know that you're going to be careful.'

'No worries. I thought you were meeting Elliot and Mia for coffee.' I say.

'I'm just on my way now.' He says.

'OK, will you let me know how they react?' I ask.

'Matt, don't worry they'll be fine about it all. They might be shocked at first but so were you and even I was so that's understandable. They won't treat you any differently.' He says.

'I know, that's what mom said. How long will it take to find me someone like Taylor?' I ask.

'Taylor's looking now. Sawyer would have been good but once he gets back from Hawaii he'll be back with Ana. She can't seem to take her safety seriously and keeps giving security the slip but Sawyer seems to have the measure of her. Hopefully we'll have someone trained up by the time you return.' Christian says.

'That's good because I want to go to England in three weeks time. Don't worry I'll be back in time for the wedding.' I say.

'England, what for?' he asks.

'I want to visit my grandma.' I say quietly.

'Ok no worries. I'll get security sorted out for you. Will you be staying at your house?' he asks.

'Yes.'

'Good, that makes it easier.' he says.

'Thank you.' I say as I walk over to the garage and open the door.

'Matt, I'm at my club where I'm meeting Elliot and Mia. I'll speak to you later before you fly.' Christian says and then clicks off. I stand and look at the phone for a moment then shake my head at it and shove it back in my pocket. I signal to Hannah to drive over to the garage.

'There's room in here for your car, both of mine are at Escala at the moment.' I say as she pulls in and switches the engine off. I open mom's door for her and then go round to Hannah's side to open hers.

'Thank you Matt.' She says climbing out and giving me a hug.

'Did you enjoy that?' I ask.

'Immensely.' Hannah says with a grin.

'It's a beautiful car to drive.' Mom says.

'I wouldn't know.' I mutter as I close the garage door behind us.

'Don't sulk.' Both mom and Hannah say together and then they look at each other and start to giggle. I roll my eyes at them both and stand back on my skateboard. Mom looks at me and raises her eyebrows.

'Please mom, sit on the step like you used to when I was small and watch me. I promise not to do any tricks, I'll keep two feet on the board at all times. Please, just for five minutes.' I plead.

'OK, five minutes. No tricks, no jumps.' She says and I grin at her before skating away.


	84. Chapter 84-Promise

'That was a long five minutes.' Mom says when I finally stop in front of the steps.

'Sorry.' I mutter.

'Don't be darling; you looked like you were enjoying yourself. It was good to watch you. It took me back to when you were small and you wanted to play out here and you used to beg me to watch.' Mom says.

'It felt good mom, like it was before I had anything to worry about.' I say going to sit on the step next to her.

'Darling boy, don't worry about anything. Dad and Christian will sort out everything over the next few days. Your businesses and money will continue in the hands of the people that are in place now. You just have to concentrate on getting your strength back and being fully fit. Enjoy your time away from everything and everyone. You'll have enough pressure on you trying to get into university without anything else that's going on.' Mom says and she leans against my shoulder. I put my arm round her to pull her into a hug.

'Where's Hannah?' I ask.

'She watched you for a while and then went to phone her mom.' She says. 'Darling, would you be upset if she went back to live with her mom?'

'Yes.' I mutter not even wanting to think about it.

'They miss each other. Hannah is putting a brave face on it at the moment.' Mom says gently.

'Mom, I wouldn't stop her. It might even be for the best whilst we're still at school, though if it happens I'd like to spend the weekends together, either here or at her house if her mom will have me.' I say.

'I'm sure she will and of course Hannah is welcome here. It might not happen but I thought I should warn you just in case.' Mom says.

'Thanks mom. I'm sure you would have been pretty strict with us anyway on school nights.' I say smiling at her.

'Extremely, if she does move back home you'll probably have more freedom to come and go. I don't want your grades slipping though.' Mom says.

'As if mom. I mean I have to beat Christian and I'm sure he must have hit almost full marks in everything he's such a perfectionist.' I say.

'You've always wanted to beat him in everything. Even when you could first talk you would always say 'I want to be better than Christian' what is the obsession with beating your brother?' she asks.

'Mom, you know how competitive he is. He never lets anyone win at anything. Elliot and I can thrash him at video games but at everything else he has the upper hand and he knows it. There's ten years between us yet when it comes to competing he has always treated me as an equal so it's only now that I have any chance and even now I'll have to wait until I'm fully fit. He never even let me win at scrabble and I was only just learning to spell the words and he would come up with words I'd never even heard of, I never stood a chance and yet I always went back for more.' I say.

'You adored him though. It was lovely watching you growing up always wanting to be with him. He only ever really showed his softer side with you, occasionally with Mia. At times I thought he would never let anyone get close to him but with you he never had a problem. He's always been different with you.' Mom says.

'I know and I need to respect him for that mom, that's why I'll let him dictate to me about security and the media. He's only doing it to protect me. It does help when he explains why though, before he never used to and I just thought he was trying to control me. Hopefully we'll get along better now that I know where he's coming from and why he's been so over protective. It always used to frustrate me before and I would always be pushing in the opposite direction. I would just make him so angry that he would scare me. I know I've argued back a bit in the last few weeks but he still intimidates me.' I say.

'It's his way of showing he cares about you.' Mom says. 'I think he'll try and be a bit more reasonable now you know everything.'

'Hopefully.' I mutter.

'Matt, dad said last night that you were bullied at school. Why haven't you said anything before?' mom asks gently.

'Because Christian would have had the boy strung up and made the situation worse. Mom I coped with it. I learned to stay out of the way and sat on my own most of the time. It was one boy in particular that was the worst, he was Hannah's ex-boyfriend who was killed by the bus. A few others joined in with him occasionally. Let's hope they don't ask me for a job in the future.' I say with a smirk.

'Or even your brother. They will be lucky to find a job in this city.' Mom says.

'I better go and shower, I slept in these clothes last night.' I say.

'Did you sleep well though?' mom asks.

'Yes thanks. Considering I was on my own I had a great night and again I felt really relaxed when I woke first thing.' I say as I stand and help mom up off the step.

'Good, I'm so happy that you sleep well there.' Mom says quietly and I go and hug her. 'I know I have to let you go but I'm going to miss you so much.'

'Mom the others have all moved out and gone on holiday before.' I say.

'I know but darling you're the youngest. It just feels so much harder letting you go.' Mom says.

'Mom, I'll be still living here the next year and then hopefully when I have finished university I'll be living next door. I'm hardly going far. Elliot has his house in the city, Christian has Escala and his new house on the sound which is really beautiful and even Mia has her apartment which she uses occasionally but I will only go as far as next door, that sounds a bit pathetic doesn't it.' I say.

'No not at all. If you're happy that's all that matters. Go and shower, I have a few things I need to do before work.' Mom says.

'OK mom, I'll catch up with you before we leave.' I say and kiss her cheek before heading upstairs to the shower. Once I'm clean and dressed in fresh clothes I go and find Hannah. She's not in the house and I find her in one of my favourite spots at the end of the jetty.

'Hey baby.' I say as I sit down beside her and kiss her head. She turns to me and it's obvious she's been crying. 'Hannah, what's wrong?' I ask.

'I miss mom.' She says as fresh tears slip down her cheeks. I wipe them away gently with my thumbs and then take her in my arms. 'Sorry, I'm being silly. We had so many arguments before I moved here and now I finally decide I miss her.'

'We can stop by and see her before we go to the airport if you want to.' I say.

'Are you sure?' she asks.

'Yes of course, I wouldn't have said it otherwise. Did you tell her about me?' I say.

'Yes, I think she was shocked.' She says.

'She's not the only one.' I mutter.

'She appreciated that I'd told her before it goes in the papers. I hope you don't mind but I did tell her that you'd pay her mortgage and make sure she was OK but she said she would manage.' Hannah says.

'Hannah I don't want her to manage. What's the point in us having so much money we don't know what to do with it when your mom is struggling from month to month? Tell her if she won't take it directly I'll order you and mom so many flowers each day that she won't need anyone elses business. The press would probably run a headline that we live in luxury whilst your poor mom lives in poverty. I'm only paying the house off so that she can run the florists still and live without worrying where her next meal is coming from.' I rant.

'Have you finished?' Hannah asks.

'Sorry, I shouldn't have got cross.' I mutter.

'Hey it's fine, it shows you care.' She says.

'Let me take you next door to show you inside the house.' I say standing up and taking her hand.

'Really, are you sure?' she asks.

'Yes, I'm really comfortable being there now. I want to show you and see what you think.' I say as we walk up the garden. I unlock the gate and holding her hand walk towards the patio doors. 'Are you ready?' I whisper nervously. I really hope she likes it. She nods and I unlock the door. I grip her hand tightly through nerves as I walk her into the family room at the back with the piano. I can hardly breathe and my chest is tight as I wait for her reaction. Hannah is very quiet as she looks around the room with wide eyes. I walk her through and then we enter the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, the conservatory. 'Hannah, please tell me what you're thinking? You haven't said anything yet.' I say quietly.

'It's very big.' She whispers.

'That was daddy's study.' I say waving my hands towards the door 'And that other door is mommy's office. Let me show you upstairs.' I add as we climb the wide staircase still holding hands. 'This was my bedroom.' I say as we enter. 'I slept here last night.'

'Oh Matt, were you OK?'

'Yes, I was fine. Come, let's look in the other rooms up here.' I say and lead her out and into some of the other rooms. 'Not that one.' I say walking past the one where mommy and daddy slept. 'I'm sorry, I can't go in that one yet, it's too much.' Hannah turns and hugs me and kisses my cheek. I kiss her forehead.

'You'll get there one day, you've come so far in such a short space of time.' She says gently.

'Hannah, please tell me what you really think of this house.' I whisper. She looks at me in surprise.

'You're worried about my reaction.' She says. I nod. 'Matt, it's beautiful. I loved it from the outside but it's even better once you're inside. It feels so comfortable, I feel like I was meant to walk in and be totally relaxed. It's a strange feeling, really hard to describe.'

'Do you think you could live here eventually?' I ask nervously.

'Durrrh. Of course I could. I feel like it's home already.' She says smiling at me. I grin back at her and pick her up to spin her around. 'There's a lot of pictures of you about.'

'We can take them down.' I say.

'No, I like them. Eventually we can replace them with our children if you want to.' She says.

'Children.'

'Yes, you do want them don't you?' she asks.

'Yes, with you definitely.' I say and kiss her cheek. She turns suddenly and kisses my lips and then deepens the kiss. I groan. I want her badly. I pull away slightly. 'Baby we shouldn't be kissing like this.'

'Shhh. Just kiss me.' She whispers. I move back towards her and find her mouth once more. My hand moves automatically towards her breast and she moans. I open the nearest door and walk backwards towards the bed, my lips never leaving hers. She unzips me and releases my erection. I am so desperate to be inside her to make love to her. Turning I lower her onto the bed and after a quick feel inside to see how wet she is I push myself into what has become my favourite place. I open my eyes and look at her, totally mesmerised by her beauty. I start to move slowly and she matches my pace before picking it up. We move together as one before she finally comes and I release myself into her. I collapse on top of her, kissing her cheek once more.

'I love you.' I whisper.

'I love you too.' She whispers back before looking around. Her eyes widen. 'Matt, you didn't show me this room.' I look up. Shit, how did I get so distracted? I know why but I now roll off Hannah and close my eyes. I open one slowly and Hannah is staring at me. 'Are you OK?' she asks. I nod and breathe deeply opening both eyes and then sitting up. I look round and tears spring to my eyes. Hannah squeezes my hand realizing where we are. I stand and walk to the window to look at the view before going to the en-suite bathroom. Hannah is still sat on the bed watching me as I emerge and walk round the room again. Finally I walk out and she follows me. As I walk down the stairs my phone vibrates and I answer it automatically.

'Christian.' I say.

'Where are you?' he asks.

'Why?' I ask. Hannah has followed me out onto the decking and I lock the door. I take her hand as we walk down the garden.

'Because you sound guilty as if you're up to something.' He says with a sigh.

'I was just showing Hannah round my house.' I whisper.

'Oh, did she like it?' he asks. I look at Hannah and smile at her and she smiles back.

'Yes, a lot.' I say.

'You're happy.' He says.

'Yes very.' I whisper.

'Good. I'm pleased for you. I'm just on my way back to work.' Christian says.

'What did Elliot and Mia say?' I ask.

'Mia was shocked initially but then grinned and asked if she had any chance of getting a monthly allowance out of you like I give her. Elliot had some idea but didn't realise the scale of how much so he wasn't quite as shocked. They're both pretty cool about it all though. I've warned Mia that she has to behave while you're away and the need for security at all times, her and Ana are as bad as one another for security. You'll have to keep Hannah under control and I've warned Elliot about Kate as well though she'll be like the other two. I think Hannah should listen to you though.'

'She will.' I say confidently.

'How can you be so sure, she might get led astray by the others.' Christian says.

'She won't. I just know that she'll do as she's told.' I say. Hannah widens her eyes. 'Yes, I'm talking about you.' I say to her. She smiles at me and nods.

'She's there listening.' He says.

'Yes and she's just nodded at me and smiled so she will listen when it comes to security.' I say to him. I sit down with Hannah on the swing seat. We continue to hold hands as I chat with Christian and she watches the boats on the lake.

'I thought I'd have the most trouble with you two seeing how you were both always so naughty and mischievous but you surprise me at every turn. You're both still so young yet you've listened and taken it more seriously than the others.' He says.

'Christian, we're both so scared of making mistakes and terrified by what it all entails. We have to listen to you and dad so that we can have some normality in our life. We will be careful and always be conscious about security. I realise now why you've always been so over protective and I appreciate everything you have done already.' I say.

'Thanks little bro. It's easier now you realise and we can talk about it all. When I couldn't tell you I would just get so frustrated and angry with you. I'm so grateful that you're both listening to me though. I'll help you get through this until you are ready and strong enough to cope on your own.' He says.

What if I'm never ready?' I ask without confidence.

'Then I'll still be there for you just like dad is for me even now. As long as we stick together we'll be fine.' Christian says.

'Thanks big bro.' I say cheekily. 'Mom actually let me play on my skateboard this morning.'

'Are you ever going to grow up?' he asks.

'Not just yet. I'm not ready to.' I say. I let go of Hannah's hand and put my arm round her shoulder pulling her close. Christian laughs at me. 'Mom's not ready to let go either, she said it's harder with me than it ever was with you, Elliot or Mia.'

'That's because you're the youngest. She won't be too bad this time while you're on holiday or even when you're in London because she's helping get everything arranged for the wedding but it will be this time next year when you're getting ready for university that it will hit her hard.' He says.

'Do you think I should go?' I ask standing up and walking towards the edge of the lake. Hannah stays on the swing seat and I turn to watch her.

'Yes, I think you need to. You'll end up living next door to mom and dad so it will be good for you to be away for a while.' He says.

'How do you know I'll end up living here?' I ask.

'Matt, you slept there alone through choice and you were relaxed about it. You sounded so happy when you just picked up the phone and Hannah is happy as well, you did sound guilty though. Did I interrupt something?' he asks.

'No.' I say.

'You'd just finished though.' He says. I don't say anything. 'I knew you'd been up to something.' I can tell he's smiling.

'OK so yes we did but please don't embarrass me any further with your probing questions and please don't say anything to Hannah when you see her. I don't want you to embarrass her.'

'I won't say anything, I promise. One question though. Where?' he asks.

'Christian please.' I say. 'It's none of your business. How about I ask you when the last time you and Ana made love.'

'This morning but that's all I'll tell you.' He says and I know he's grinning at the thought. 'OK enough, I don't even know why I'm discussing this with you.'

'Because you started the conversation.' I say walking back towards Hannah. 'To finish off what you were asking earlier yes I think we will end up living here. We're both happy. It's secure and mom and dad are next door, with all my insecurities I was never going to go too far from them.'

'You're getting there though.' He says. 'Matt, why didn't you tell me you were bullied at school?'

'Who told you?' I ask as a delaying tactic.

'Dad' he says. 'He just asked if I knew.'

'You would have lost it and sent Taylor in to sort them out if you didn't come charging in yourself.' I mutter. I sit back down next to Hannah and she leans against me. I wrap my arm round her once more.

'Was it that bad?' he asks.

'Some days were worse than others. I learnt where I could go and where I couldn't.' I say.

'Shit Matt, I wasn't there to help you.' Christian says.

'Only because I didn't tell you. You can't help me if I don't ask.' I say.

'Fair point well made. Will you ask if you have any more trouble when you return.' He asks.

'Yes.' I say rolling my eyes.

'Did you just roll your eyes at me?' he asks. How does he know?

'Yes.' I say doing it again.

'It's a good job you're not small enough for me to punish anymore. I'm calculating your misdemeanours though and will take it out on you when you can kick box again.' He says and I know he's smiling.

'Bring it on.' I say laughing at him.

'You'll be sorry.' He says.

'I won't, even if you thrash me I won't care. I'll just be happy that I can kick box again.' I say.

'I have to go. I'm back at Grey house and I've got meetings and press releases to sort out. We're going to send it the minute the jet takes off and then you're out of the way. Are you happy with that?' he asks.

'Yes, if it has to be done then I'm happy.' I say pulling Hannah closer to me.

'It has to be done. Take care and have a good flight. Call me when you get there, I can update you then on all the developments.'

'OK, thanks Christian.' I say.

'Before I go I need to remind you no sex on my jet.' He says.

'I promise.' I say and kiss Hannah's head.

'Thanks, see you soon little bro.' he says and hangs up so I'm left looking at the phone.

'You and Christian are getting on well.' Hannah says.

'We are at the moment.' I say as I stand and take her hand. 'We need to go back next door and get everything together. Hannah, you will do as you're told about security, won't you?' I ask uncertainly.

'Of course I will.' She says and smiles at me.

'It's just Christian is having problems with Ana realising she needs someone with her and Mia hates having people with her and he reckons Kate will put up a fight as well but I just want you to be safe baby otherwise I will worry about you.' I say.

'Hey, I'd worry about you as well so as long as we both have it then we'll be OK. I promise I'll make sure there is always someone with me and I'll call you if I'm uncertain about anything but will you promise to always have your phone on you in case I need you.' She says.

'I promise.' I say as we head into the kitchen back home.


	85. Chapter 85-Flight

I immediately go and sit down once we're in the kitchen.

'I thought we were going to get our stuff together.' Hannah says. I look at her. 'Matt, what's the matter? You look so pale.'

'I'm OK, I just need to rest a minute.' I say. She places a glass of water in front of me and I drink it gratefully. 'Thank you'

'Can I get your mom?' Hannah asks.

'No, I'm fine. I've just done too much. Come, we'll go and get the bags ready now.' I say standing and taking her hand. We walk up the stairs together and I head to my room.

'Matt, please don't get cross with me but I think your mom should check you out.' Hannah says quietly.

'Why?' I ask.

'Because we're going on a six hour flight. I'd rather know you were fit enough to fly. I don't want to spend the whole journey worrying about you.' She states.

'OK, OK. I'll get her to check me out if it will make you happy.' I say stroppily and then turn to head back out of the room. She grabs my arm.

'Please don't be like that. I'm just concerned about you.' She says smirking at me.

'If it will make you happy I'll go and find mom now. I'm sorry for getting stroppy.' I say and smile at her. I pull her into a hug and she hugs me back.

'It would make me happier.' She says.

'OK, I get the message. Let's put these bags outside the room. Whoever is picking us up will collect them from there.' I say. 'Which bag are you taking on board with you?'

'Just the backpack.' She says.

'Ok, leave that separate, I've got a backpack and laptop bag. How long do you want to see your mom for?' I ask.

'Not long, I just want to say hello and hug her. Does that sound silly?' she asks.

'Not at all. She will be pleased to see you. OK, I'm done in here, I'll go find mom. Can you chase Mia up please because otherwise she'll make us late?' I say kissing her cheek.

'Sure, I'll make sure she's ready.' Hannah says kissing me back.

I go to dad's study and grab mom's doctors bag before going to find her. She's sat in the living room reading and looks up when she hears me.

'Darling, what's wrong?' mom asks with concern.

'Nothing mom.' I say. 'Hannah asked if you could check me out before we fly.'

'Any reason?' she asks, nothing escapes mom. I look at her warily. 'You're worried I'm going to say you can't go, aren't you?' I nod sadly. 'Tell me what happened to make Hannah worry.'

'I didn't feel dizzy or lightheaded. I just felt the need to sit down, Hannah said I looked pale and got me a glass of water and after a few minutes I was fine.' I say quietly.

'That's progress then.' She says opening her bag. I sit down next to her and offer her my arm. She then proceeds to take my blood pressure and her other checks. I watch her as she concentrates and then frowns.

'Mom, is something wrong? You're frowning.' I say.

'Nothing to worry about. Your blood pressure was slightly lower than it normally is and then it had a rush to high. Go and play the piano for a bit to relax yourself and I'll take it again to double check. Don't worry, I'm sure it's just you panicking about me saying you're not fit to fly. I'll come to you when I can hear you've relaxed.' Mom says gently. 'Breathe darling boy. You won't be going anywhere if you worry. Please listen to me, go and play the piano and relax.'

'OK mom.' I say and stand. Automatically I put one foot in front of the other until I'm sat on the piano stool. I start to play and mom comes to watch me. I'm soon lost though in a world of my own. Eventually when I look up mom nods at me and I turn so that she can check my blood pressure once more. I watch her nervously.

'Breathe.' She whispers. 'Stay relaxed.'

'I'm trying mom.' I say back quietly.

'You're back to normal.' She says eventually, smiling at me.

'Thank you.' I say standing to hug her.

'The cars are packed and it's time to go.' Mia says loudly coming into the room. 'Hey what's going on? Are you OK Matt?'

'I'm fine Mia.' I mutter. Jeez, why did I agree to let her come away with us?

'Everything is OK Mia, I just wanted to double check that your brother is OK to fly.' Mom says and goes to hug Mia. 'Remember you are lucky to be going on this holiday. No leading Matt or Hannah astray, and remember that they might want to do things on their own once in a while so don't be offended if you're left out.'

'I'll be on my best behaviour and I'm grateful that they're letting me share their holiday.' Mia says as she hugs mom whilst smiling at me. I smile back at her. 'Come and join in the hug baby bro.' Mia says and lets go of mom on one side, I go towards them and they both hug me. Mom and Mia both kiss my cheeks and I burst out laughing as Mia starts to tickle my side. 'You're still ticklish there then.' She says.

'Yes, please no more.' I say but I'm still giggling. 'Mia please.' I beg as Hannah walks in. She laughs at me as she watches Mia continue her tickling.

'I didn't know you were ticklish.' Hannah says with a smirk.

'He is very ticklish.' Mia says laughing. 'I can tell you so much about him on the long flight this afternoon.'

'Mia stop.' I say. 'Do you still want to come with us?'

'Of course I do.' She says but it does make her stop.

'Enough children.' Mom says and we look at her. 'You will always be children to me. Come on I'll walk you to the car. I hope you all have a great time, please call me often.'

'We will mom.' Mia and I say together. We walk either side of her and Hannah is on my other side. Sawyer is waiting by my SUV. He opens the back doors as mom hugs Mia once again, she then hugs Hannah.

'You two sit in the back together, I'll sit in the front with Sawyer.' I say. As they climb in I go to give mom one last hug. 'I love you mom, I'll miss you.'

'I'll miss you too darling boy but be strong. You know what you have to do on this break, make the most of it. I love you so much.' She says, her eyes shining. 'Go, before I get upset. It's the first time I've had to let you go.' I pull her to me once more. I kiss her forehead and then turn to take the seat next to Sawyer.

'Sawyer, please can we stop at the florists so that Hannah can see her mom? Do you know where that is?' I ask.

'Yes Sir.' Sawyer replies. I raise my eyebrows at him, wondering why he is being so formal. 'Instructions from Mr Grey.' He says reading my thoughts.

'Mr Grey is not here and we're about to start our holiday, I'm not comfortable with all the formalities.' I say to him.

'OK Matthew.' He replies and smiles. 'Taylor has gone ahead with all the bags and will meet us at the jet with Ryan and the new bloke, he's called Andrews.'

'Thanks, we won't need to stop long, just long enough for Hannah to say goodbye to her mom.' I say. 'Christian said you like to surf.'

'Yes I do, apparently you're not allowed the first few days but after that I have to surf with you. Is that OK?' Sawyer asks.

'Yes that's good. I'll feel better knowing I have someone in the water with me.' I say. I can hear Hannah and Mia chatting in the back, they're talking about going to the mall in Hawaii. At least they can shop with each other and I can leave them to it. Sawyer pulls up outside the florist and I jump out to open Hannah's door.

'Take as long as you need baby.' I say as I hug her and then kiss her cheek. 'I'll wait here for you.'

'Thanks, I won't be more than five minutes.' She says. I watch her as she goes and then turn towards Mia. I get in the car beside her whilst we wait for Hannah.

'What's the matter baby bro?' Mia asks. I look at her warily. 'Something is.' She states.

'I'm having doubts about going away. I want to go back home.' I say quietly. 'Mia, please make sure I get on this jet. I need to do this. I can't tell Hannah how scared I am.' She takes my hand in hers.

'I'll help you through this holiday. You do understand that you need to go to get away from the press.' She says and I nod at her. 'Matt, you'll be fine. We are going on this holiday and we're going to have a great time. I know you're not into the same stuff as me and it will be a quiet holiday but we will have fun.' She says as she smiles at me. I smile back at her. The shop door opens and I climb out of the car to meet Hannah, her mom is with her.

'Take care of her Matthew.' Hannah's mom says.

'I will Mrs Sullivan.' I say as I take Hannah's hand. 'Are you ready to leave?' I ask her and she nods.

'Bye mom.' Hannah says. 'I'll let you know when we arrive and I'll call you every day.' Hannah climbs into the back of the SUV and I close the door.

'Mrs Sullivan, you have no need to worry about Hannah. We will have security with us at all times.' I say.

'I know but I'm worried that I've ruined everything and lost her.' She says.

'Far from it. I've told her that I don't want to come between you and have encouraged her to see you. We will come to dinner when we return and I think Hannah will be back living with you by the time we return to school.' I say.

'You think so.' She says hopefully.

'Yes, she misses you.' I say

'I don't know how I can thank you, especially after the way I have treated you.'

'You're only wanting the best for your daughter. It means we have something in common. You have no need to thank me. I would however be grateful if you would let me pay your mortgage off, Hannah will not worry then about how you are coping. I think she'll also help you out in the florists but it's because she wants to and not because she has to.' I say. I look at her and wait for her to answer.

'OK, I'd appreciate your help with the mortgage. I would pay you back though.' She says.

'There is no need. I want to make Hannah happy and this is just one small thing that I can do. Please can you take this card, it has all my dad's contact details if you need to speak to him at all. The press release this afternoon should just be about me but if they try and contact you for any reason call my dad and refer the press to them, we're trying to limit anything that's printed and hopefully keep too much info about me and Hannah to a minimum. I'd rather keep our private life to ourselves so that we can live a relatively normal life. I hope you agree with that.' I say.

'Yes and I'll call your dad if I need to.' She says.

'Thank you. We need to go now so the jet makes its take off slot. I'll make sure that Hannah keeps in touch this week and we'll see you soon.' I say.

'Thanks, take care and enjoy your holiday.' Hannah's mom says as I climb into the front next to Sawyer. She stands and waves as we drive away. I look behind and Hannah is waving back at her.

'Are you OK baby?' I ask.

'Yes, thanks for stopping.' Hannah says.

'No problem.' I say as Sawyer drives us to the airport. Mia and Hannah chatter excitedly once again whilst I lose myself in my thoughts. I really can't believe what is happening with my life and how quickly things are changing. On arrival at the airport Sawyer drives us straight through the security gate to the executive jet ramp and pulls up at the bottom of the steps to the GEH jet. I jump out of the car and open Mia's door followed by Hannah's. Taylor approaches us and hands me a small box.

'Blackberry for Miss Sullivan, sir.' Taylor says. I frown at him hoping that he can read my thoughts as Sawyer did earlier. He does as he says immediately 'Mr Grey's instructions sir.'

'Taylor, I'm not happy with Mr Grey instructions. I will follow everything he wants with regards to the security and press but please don't call me 'Sir'. I will speak to him about it so that you or any of the other staff do not get in trouble.' I say smiling at him.

'Thank you Matthew.' Taylor says smiling back at me. 'Have a good holiday and keep Sawyer close at all times, he'll be in charge of security in Hawaii but you can call me if you need anything or want confirmation on any matter.'

'Thanks Taylor. Say hello to Mrs Jones for me, I'll be needing some of her lasagne when I return.' I say and then taking Hannah's hand start to climb the steps. Mia has gone ahead of us and is already talking to Natalia the flight attendant. I say hello to Stefan and Flight Officer Beighley and introduce Hannah to them, she is totally awestruck and doesn't know what to say.

'Hey baby, come and sit down. We'll be taxying soon.' I say as I show her where to sit before getting out my phone. I text Christian to let him know we're on board so that he can send the press release. 'Hannah, here's your new phone. We'll set it up when we get to Hawaii.'

'Thanks Matt. I can't believe I'm on board this jet. I've never experienced anything like this before. It's so amazing.' Hannah says excitedly like a small child. Mia comes and sits opposite us as the doors close and we start to move. I hold Hannah's hand and kiss her cheek.

'Get a room.' Mia says smiling at us.

'We're not allowed.' I say.

'What?' Mia asks.

'Christian has already issued orders that we're not allowed in the bedroom.' I say smirking at her.

'And you're going to listen to him. I won't tell.' Mia says smiling at me.

'Mia, you always tell. Even if you don't tell Christian you'll tell mom and then it will get back to him.' I say. 'Anyway even if you weren't here to tell I still wouldn't because he would just know.'

'Are you still scared of him?' Mia asks.

'Yes.' I mutter.

'Oh Matt when will you learn not to let him intimidate you?' Mia says. I shrug my shoulders at her.

'I don't know, I just want to please him and not make him angry.' I mutter.

'You have to stand up to him more.' Mia says.

'I tried Mia and it doesn't work. I end up just getting angry and then upset with myself.' I say quietly. Hannah squeezes my hand in sympathy.

'So you'll just agree to do whatever he asks and let him control your life.' Mia says.

'For now yes, it's easier that way and at the moment I need all the help I can get. I have to work with him Mia, I haven't got a clue about what's going to happen and only Christian and dad can help.' I say with a sigh. I hear the engines roar and we're picking up speed as we take-off.

'Wow, look at the view.' Hannah says and I'm grateful that the subject has been changed.

'You're lucky Matt let you sit by the window.' Mia says to Hannah. 'He has always claimed a window seat.'

'I am privileged then.' Hannah retorts. I smile at her.

'Yes very.' I say.

'He normally stands and sulks until he gets the seat that he wants.' Mia says to Hannah. Hannah has a quick look round.

'There are twelve seats though, surely if there are usually only six of you flying then you must be OK with one of them Matt.' Hannah says.

'I only like the window ones facing forward and with a seat next to them for mom to sit next to me so that cut the options down to two.' I say. 'You're sitting where I usually sit.'

'Do you want to swap?' Hannah asks. 'I don't mind where I sit.'

'No, I'm OK. It will do me good to sit somewhere different.' I say.

'I can't believe you just asked him that.' Mia says to Hannah before looking at me and saying 'Though I'm glad you're staying where you are because you normally give a running commentary on everything that you can see.'

'I'm not that bad.' I say rolling my eyes at her.

'You are that bad.' Mia says answering me back.

'Are you two going to bicker the whole flight?' Hannah asks.

'No.' I mutter.

'Yes' Mia says smiling at me. 'and before you ask Hannah yes we are always like this unless we have our heads together and are whispering. Mom says we're always up to something when we're like that.' We are interrupted by Natalia offering us drinks and bringing some food, a tray of mini subs with various fillings, chips, dips and crudities.

'Oh this looks lovely.' Hannah says as I hand her a plate and she helps herself.

'Courtesy of Mrs Jones by the looks of it.' Mia says.

'It sure is, it has all our favourites.' I say as I take some peppered turkey subs as well as a ham one and a cheese one. Hannah and Mia look at each other and then at me. 'I know what you're both thinking but you don't need to say anything. I'll be trying something new each day and would appreciate if you didn't make a fuss.' I say as I take a bite of the ham sub.

'We won't.' Mia says gently. 'It's nice to see you eating different things though after all these years.' She adds smiling at me. Hannah takes my hand and squeezes it to show she understands. Once we've finished the food Natalia clears up after us and then brings some cake. Different slices for each of us, chocolate for me, carrot for Hannah and lemon for Mia. Both girls offer me their plates so I can take a piece with my fork. I grin at them and help myself.

'You can keep the carrot cake Hannah, I'm not keen on that. I do like the lemon one though Mia.' I say.

'You can have half of this piece if you want, there's too much for me.' Mia says generously as she cuts it down the middle and offers me her plate.

'Thanks Mia.' I say as I help myself. 'Do you want any of this chocolate one?' I ask.

'No thanks.' Mia says.

'I'll just have a small piece.' Hannah says and I grin as I put some on my fork to feed her. 'Oh, that's a good chocolate cake.'

'Now you know why it's my favourite.' I say. Again once we've finished Natalia clears our plates. 'I'm going to sit at the table behind and stretch out so I can have a sleep, I'm pretty tired.' I say.

'Matt, don't be silly. Go and sleep in the bedroom.' Mia says. 'Me and Hannah have a pile of magazines to read but you need a good rest. Christian won't mind.'

'Go, we'll be fine here.' Hannah says and she kisses my cheek.

'OK, I know when I'm not wanted.' I say but I'm smiling at both of them.

'You are wanted but we'd rather have you awake when we get there so we can go for a swim.' Mia says grinning at me. I stand and stretch then look at my watch.

'We've got four hours left, will you wake me at least an hour before we land?' I ask.

'Sure, have a good sleep.' Mia and Hannah say together then start giggling. I smile at them both and then head for the bedroom. I undress then crawl under the duvet and gratefully rest my head and close my eyes. The next thing I know someone is gently shaking my shoulder. I open my eyes and see Mia standing over me.

'Baby bro it's time to wake up, we'll be landing in forty five minutes.' Mia says gently.

'Shit, I didn't mean to sleep so long.' I say sitting up quickly. The room spins and I lie back down and close my eyes. 'I shouldn't have done that.'

'Matt…' Mia says.

'I'm fine, don't panic. I shouldn't have sat up so quickly.' I say.

'Here's your clothes, I'm not leaving you on your own.' Mia says as she hands me my jeans and shirt.

'Mia I'll be fine.' I say and she glares at me. 'OK, stay there if you must.' I sit up slowly this time and then I throw on my shirt. I look at Mia. 'Do I get any privacy?' I ask her with a smirk.

'Since when did you ask for privacy? Matt you've wandered round the house all your life with hardly any clothes on. When you were little you often took all your clothes off because you were too hot and yes that included your underwear.' Mia states.

'Mia that was before…' I start.

'Before Hannah, oh you're blushing. OK I'll turn the other way but I'm not leaving you.' She says as she turns her back to me. I quickly drag my jeans on and as I stand I drag the duvet back onto the bed. 'Are you ready yet?' Mia asks.

'Yes thanks Mia.' I mutter. She turns and comes to hug me. 'What's that for?'

'Because I love you baby bro.' she says as I hug her back.

'I know. I love you too.' I say as I drape my arm around her shoulder. We walk out of the bedroom door and back towards our seats.

'Do you remember when you were little you always you to list everything you loved? You always finished with 'I love the puppy dog that we haven't got yet.' Mia says smiling at me.

'Vaguely.' I say as I sit down in the seat next to Hannah. I kiss her cheek. 'Miss me?'

'Yes but we've had a good chat. I've learned so much about you.' Hannah says and Mia grins at me.

'Oh. Shall I go and sit somewhere else?' I say quietly.

'Don't be silly. The more I hear about you the more I love you. I didn't know you wanted a puppy though.' Hannah says as she holds my hand.

'More than I wanted to go to San Diego.' I whisper. I think about all the times I asked for a dog especially when it was my birthday and no-one took me seriously.

'Oh my god Matt you asked to go to San Diego every year on holiday and a puppy whenever anyone asked what you wanted for a present.' Mia says.

'And no-one took any notice.' I say. I gulp and look away from them.

'We didn't think you were that serious.' Mia says quietly.

'Maybe we could get one when we move into your house. I've always wanted a dog.' Hannah says and squeezes my hand.

'Really.' I say and Hannah nods. 'We'll move in when we get back.'

'You're that desperate.' She asks

'Yes, I know we can't get one just yet though especially as we're going to London in three weeks.' I say.

'You're going to London.' Mia says.

'Yes but we're going there on our own Mia and it's more business than pleasure.' I say and smile at her.

'OK I understand and I'm just grateful you've brought me here. Are you staying at your house in London?' Mia asks.

'Yes.' I say.

'Cool, it's huge. I remember there were about four or five floors and it's near a big park and the shops.' She says.

'We can discover all these houses together.' I say to Hannah. 'I don't remember them.' Stefan's voice comes over the intercom telling us to fasten our seatbelts. I hold Hannah's hand as we come into land. As we taxi to the terminal I grin at Mia and Hannah. 'I can't believe we're here.' I say and take out my phone. I text Christian to say that we've landed and he replies immediately telling me to call as soon as we're in the car driving to the house. I wonder what's so important that I need to call and think that I'd rather just stay in my own world completely oblivious to what is going on elsewhere. As the jet comes to a stop Mia bounces up and gets her bags together. How much did she bring on board? I grab my backpack, laptop bag and Hannah's bag.

'I'll carry that Matt.' Hannah says and I hand it to her.

'Are you sure baby?' I ask.

'Yes, it's not as if we have to carry it far.' She says.

'Only as far as the bottom of the steps.' I say. 'Hopefully the car should be there already.'

'I could get used to travelling like this.' Hannah says smiling at me. 'Do you realise how lucky you are?'

'Yes.' I say. 'Hannah, did you really mean it when you said about having a dog?' I ask her quietly.

'Yes, why?' she says.

'I'll tell you later when we're on our own.' I whisper. Natalia opens the door as the steps are brought into place. Stefan comes and wishes us a good holiday and says that he'll see us in ten days. The warm air hits us as we descend onto the tarmac and the waiting SUV. Sawyer opens the doors for us.

'Matthew you can either sit in the front with me or there are two rows of seats. Mr Grey has requested that you phone him.' Sawyer says.

'Did Taylor call you?' I ask. I signal for Hannah and Mia to get in the car.

'Yes. Ryan and Andrews will follow us with the luggage.' Sawyer adds.

'OK thanks Sawyer. I'll sit in the back and phone Christian and then mom. How long will it take to get to the house?' I ask.

'Only about twenty minutes.' Sawyer says. 'When we get there Mrs Richards will have a meal ready for you whilst the three of us do a security sweep.' I look at him and he must see my fear. 'Don't worry, it's just a precaution and we need to get our bearings with the house and grounds.'

'OK.' I say as I climb into the back row of the SUV behind Hannah and Mia. Holding my phone I look at it intently as Sawyer pulls away from the airport. Eventually I hit speed dial knowing that Christian will answer straight away.

**Thanks for reading and sticking with the story. Sorry it has taken so long to update but life became so hectic! Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. Best Wishes Mx**


	86. Chapter 86-Feeling Good

**Once again sorry for the delay, I'm away on holiday and we've just moved location and I finally have internet connection! Hopefully should have it all week to update again soon. Best Wishes Mx**

'Matt, how are you feeling after the flight?' Christian asks with concern.

'Good.' I say slightly confused as to why he is concerned. 'I slept for most of it.'

'I know.' He says. How does he know already?

'I slept in the bedroom.' I say quietly.

'Hey what are you worrying for? I said that you could. You knew what you weren't allowed to do and you respected my request. Were you dizzy when you woke?' he asks.

'I just sat up too quickly. You've spoken to Mia already.' I say.

'No, she emailed me. I know you ate different things, you slept alone and she was concerned when you woke.' He says gently.

'Why are you asking me then if you already know everything?' I ask grumpily.

'Matt! What's wrong?' he asks remaining calm with me.

'Can I call you back?' I ask.

'Do you want to speak to mom?' he asks. He knows me so well.

'Yes.' I whisper.

'Matt, keep talking to me. Mom is still at the hospital. She had an emergency case.' He says gently.

'When is Stefan taking the jet back to Seattle?' I ask.

'Thursday but you can't come back on it.' He says.

'Why?' I say in a mild panic.

'Because you are staying there for ten days, you'll be able to surf by Friday. Matt seriously you don't want to come straight back.' He says.

'I'm having doubts about being here.' I mutter.

'You'll feel better once you've seen the house.' Christian says.

'I'm not even looking after Hannah very well, I've just left her with Mia.' I say.

'Matt, the girls are fine. They'll sort each other out. They understand that you're trying to deal with so much at the moment. This trip away is something huge for you.' He says.

'What if I can't sleep? What if I have a nightmare?' I whisper.

'Little bro stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet. Do what we've always done in the middle of the night, play the piano. You can always sleep by the pool in the daytime to catch up.' Christian says.

'OK. I think we might be here. Sawyer has slowed down and is waiting for the gates to open.' I say. 'He's going through them now.'

'And' he says.

'And it looks nice.' I say.

'Nice. Is that all you can say. You know I don't like that word.' He says.

'OK, it's impressive. I'm over-awed by it. The girls are over excited.' I say as they squeal in front of me.

'Go and explore, I'll speak to you after you've had dinner.' Christian instructs.

'The press release.' I mutter.

'Is nothing to worry about now. I'll chat to you later.' He says and clicks off so that I don't have a chance to reply. I climb out of the SUV when it comes to a stop and open Hannah's door. Sawyer has opened Mia's already. I hug Hannah and then Mia comes to join our hug.

'Matt, the house is beautiful.' Hannah says.

'Wait till you see inside.' Mia says. 'I remember spending a lot of time on the beach and in the pool when we came years ago. Matt, please can I make a request?'

'What do you want Mia?' I ask.

'Please can I sleep in the room I had last time. Your daddy had it decorated pink especially for me.' Mia says.

'Of course you can. Anything else?' I ask.

'No that's all for now baby bro.' she says to me and kisses me on the cheek. 'Come on let's go inside.' We follow Mia, she obviously remembers more than I do. As we approach the front door it opens and a lady in her fifties is stood waiting with a huge smile on her face.

'Welcome.' She says.

'Hello Mrs Richards.' Mia says and hugs her.

'Hello Mia, lovely to see you again. Hello you must be Hannah.' Mrs Richards says and hugs Hannah.

'Hello.' Hannah says.

'There's no mistaking who you are.' Mrs Richards says and envelopes me in a tight hug. I hug her back as she says quietly. 'You're so like your father.' She pulls away slightly so that she can look at me properly.

'Lovely to see you Mrs Richards.' I say as I smile at her.

'Oh you're as charming as ever with your cheeky smile.' She says. 'Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes if you want to freshen up and explore.' She adds with a tear in her eye as she turns and heads to what I presume is the kitchen.

'I'm going up to my bedroom.' Mia says. 'Do you want to come and see Hannah?'

'Yes.' Hannah says looking at me. I take her hand and we follow Mia. She heads straight to her room.

'Oh look, it's the same as I remember.' Mia says. 'That room was mom and dads, that one was Christians and next to that was Elliots.'

'I remember Mia.' I whisper. I walk straight to where my room was and go inside. It's quite small and I remember having a tantrum about having the smallest room. I smile at the thought, I haven't changed. I look at the view out of the window and smile again to myself when I see the pool. I will be happy all week here having the privacy of this pool. Exiting the room I go into the one next door. This is the master bedroom and was mommy and daddy's. It is so big and there's a sun terrace running along the length of it. I open the doors and walk outside. The sound of the ocean and the view is spectacular. I make my way back into the room and head towards Mia's where I can hear her and Hannah giggling together.

'Baby, come and see.' I say as I kiss Hannah's cheek. I take her hand and smiling shyly at her I take her towards what was mommy and daddy's room. 'Come and see the view.' I add as we head out onto the sun deck.

'Wow Matt, it's beautiful.' Hannah whispers.

'I know, come inside.' I say excitedly.

'Oh, it's huge.' She says wandering round.

'Look in the bathroom.' I say dragging her towards it. It's as big as I remember. A large sunken spa bath with a view of the ocean, a walk-in shower, his and hers basins. This bathroom is bigger than my little bedroom next door. I drag her back into the bedroom. 'Do you think we should use this room?' I ask her quietly.

'Are you sure? It was your mommy and daddy's.' Hannah says quietly.

'Hannah we made love in their room this morning and nothing bad has happened. If we come with everyone on vacation for autumn break then this room is set apart from the rest as its next to my old room and no-one will use that. Also with the sun deck we'll get some privacy. If you're happy we might as well start using it straight away.' I say.

'You blow me away. After everything that you're dealing with at the moment and with the huge amount of change and then you suggest we use this room. I'll be happy to sleep here with you if that's what you want.' She says smiling at me.

'Cool, cos it's what I want.' I say with a smirk and dive onto the bed. 'To be honest Hannah from what I remember I spent more time in this bed and room than I did in my own when we spent two weeks here. Come and see it, it's so small and I had a tantrum about its size.' I jump off the bed and take her hand once more. Once we enter my room I say 'See what I mean, though I can understand why they put me next to them. It was probably the same in all the houses.'

'Oh Matt, it's a lovely size. Imagine when you have kids this is an ideal room for them.' Hannah says.

'When we have kids, Hannah.' I say wrapping my arms round her waist. 'How many?'

'What?' she asks.

'How many children do you want?' I ask.

'I don't know, I've never really thought about it apart from knowing that I want more than one.' She says.

'Six.' I say.

'Matt! Are you ever serious?' Hannah says sounding shocked.

'I was.' I mutter. I let go of her and turn to go out of the room.

'Hey, I'm sorry I didn't realise.' Hannah says grabbing my arm and hugging me. 'I'm not sure I want six though. I know I definitely want more than one. You've changed your tune, a few weeks ago you were horrified at the thought of one.'

'A lot of things have changed since then.' I whisper. 'I need to find the piano, we've got five minutes until dinner. I want to sing for you.' I say taking her hand once more and heading down the stairs. I know where to go and am soon in the large living area overlooking the garden, pool and ocean. It replicates the view from the sun terrace. I make my way over to the grand piano and sit on the stool. Hannah sits on the huge comfy chair that's closest to the piano and facing the ocean but away from me. I start to play and then sing.

'Birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel. Breeze driftin on by, you know how I feel. It's a new dawn, it's a new day it's a new life, for me. And I'm feeling good.' I lose myself in the rest of the song. When I finish I feel Hannah at my side, I turn to look at her shyly and she has tears running down her cheeks.

'Matt, that was ….' Hannah starts.

'Baby, I didn't want to make you cry.' I say interrupting her. 'I thought it would be easier to sing to you than try and explain how I'm feeling at the moment.'

'You're feeling good.' Hannah says with a smile.

'Very. Let's go eat.' I say and stand to hug and kiss her.


End file.
